Amateur Friday Submission Process: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, a PDF of the first ten pages of your script, your title, genre, logline, and finally, why I should read your script. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Your script and “first ten” will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effects of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.

Genre: Psychological Thriller
Premise: (from writer) After a radical exorcism leaves a possessed teen in a coma, a psychologist reluctantly helps the clergymen, who performed the rite, wake the child, but soon suspects foul play and finds himself trapped in a secluded monastery with only one person to turn to for help: his newly awakened patient.
About: Inhuman won the Amateur Offerings Weekend two weeks ago. Submit your own script for Amateur Offerings via the instructions above.
Writer: Steffan Ralph DelPiano
Details: 96 pages – 4/21/2013 draft

The-Devil-Inside-2012-Movie-Image

Last year I met with this company that holds preview screenings for studio films to find out what’s wrong with them. They have ten years of data on hundreds of films, and they can basically tell you exactly what an audience will or won’t like at any particular moment in a film. For example, they explained to me something about how an audience has never liked when the best friend character turns on the hero (I’m not exactly sure that was the example – but it was something like that).

Their research is also so extensive that they can predict exactly how much money a movie is going to make. They know which genres do the best. They know which type of heroes garner the best response from an audience. You’ve probably heard of these people before. And I think there was even an article in the New York Times about them last week (I’m guessing it’s the same people I met with – but I still haven’t read the article – we met because they wanted to expand their business into screenplays).

Out of curiosity, I asked them which specific kind of movie, in their research, generated the best return on investment. The president thought about if for a moment, as he mentally cycled through their research, and I had to admit I was kind of surprised. If I were a studio head, this would be the first question I’d ask this company. Yet he appeared to have never been asked the question before. But the light finally came on, and he defiantly said, “Exorcism movies.”

I thought about that for a moment and it made complete sense. Exorcism movies are incredibly cheap to make, and also incredibly easy to market. People will always go see exorcism movies. Since that meeting, I’ve always kept my eyes open for a good exorcism script. One of these days, I’m going to produce a movie, and I’d prefer it be a movie that actually makes money. So when I started reading Inhuman and I realized I hadn’t checked the page number for 30 minutes (note: I usually check the page number within the first 10 pages), I knew I was onto something good.

Inhuman centers around 39 year-old Simon, a psychiatrist specializing in defense mechanisms. Simon is kind of arrogant, sort of into himself, and doesn’t have time for tomfoolery. Which is why he’s agitated when a priest comes along asking him to help him save a young man. A young man who happens to be possessed.

Naturally, Simon doesn’t believe in any of that nonsense, so he ignores him. But the Father and his Church Team are persistent, hounding him with letters and videos that show this young man, Peter, doing and saying terrible things that couldn’t possibly be from a human being. Simon continues to refuse, but after a surprise attack by one of his patients, he has a change of heart.

In order to make sure the creepiness-factor is raised to level 12, Peter is being held at an abandoned asylum with our priest, Father Bryant, and his right hand woman, Sister Collette. Simon’s immediately able to make a connection with Peter, whom he believes is a paranoid schizophrenic, but Peter keeps saying and doing things that just don’t make sense. He knows what Simon is thinking, what he’s feeling, what he’s doing when he’s not with Peter. Simon eventually starts to question his diagnosis.

(Spoiler) Eventually, Simon learns the truth. He IS Peter. Or, more specifically, Peter’s last level of defense that the possessing demon must defeat. Simon is essentially keeping the demon from fully possessing Peter’s soul. Obviously, this is a lot to take in. I’m sure it isn’t easy learning you’re not real. But Simon eventually jumps onboard with the plan and attempts to rid the demon from Peter’s body.

Yesterday I talked about breaking the rules. And I’m happy to report that Steffan does break the rules here. Or, if not break the rules, he takes one hell of a chance. This isn’t your traditional exorcism story. It becomes more of a psychological, and even METAPHYSICAL, story. And to that end, I give Steffan credit. He did not go down the obvious path, and for that reason he has quite the original screenplay.

Unfortunately, just because you do something different doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do. As I stated yesterday, the bigger the chance you take, the bigger the chance at failure. For 60 pages here, I was riveted. I was thinking, “Oh my God, I’m going to call Steffan after this, we’re going to raise money, and we’re going to make this movie!” I NEVER say that when reading a script. That’s how into it I was.

But as soon as Simon becomes Peter’s defense mechanism – as soon as he’s no longer real – the story starts to get murky. I wasn’t always sure what Simon was going after, and I began asking questions like, “Well then, where was Simon during the first half of the movie? His office? All those people he dealt with? None of them were real??” It didn’t make sense. And of course, “If you find out you’re not real, what’s the point?” I mean, why try to save anyone? If I found out I wasn’t real, I’d go sit on my couch and be super freaking bummed out. I don’t care if the person I’m inside of is possessed by either the devil, or an In and Out addiction.

It reminded me a lot of that movie, “Identity” with John Cusack that came out a decade ago. It started off with all these great questions, but the more we found out, the less interesting it became. At one point, Father Bryant kills Collette and I don’t know WHAT’S going on anymore. Why is this priest killing the one woman he knows and trusts the most?

If I were a producer giving notes on this script, I’d say to Steffan, sadly, that we’d need to get rid of the stuff that makes this unique. Drop the metaphysical third act and see if we can come up with something more “real,” more “solid.” If I’m not sure what the consequences are for anybody because certain people aren’t real, I’m not sure we care about what happens to them.

The stuff that resonated with me was this showdown between ultra-smart Simon and possessed Peter. It looked like we were going to watch a prolonged dragged-out war between these two. And that’s what I wanted to see. But we only get a couple of scenes with them duking it out before the world turns upside-down with the super twist of Simon not being real.

Sometimes we can get carried away with our twists. We want to go so big, so shocking, that we write a twist in that we can’t write ourselves out of. I think that may have been what happened here. Despite that, I think Steffan’s a really good writer and that this is the kind of script that could get him some meetings around town (if he hasn’t had those meetings already). It does lose itself in the third act, but those first two acts are damn good. And two-thirds of good has to equal a “worth the read” right?

Script link: Inhuman

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Have a third person come into a scene to be a ticking time bomb, pulling at our main character while he’s dealing with something/someone else. On page 8 here, there’s a scene where the Church Team is asking Simon to help them. At that moment, Alexis, Simon’s assistant, pops in to inform Simon that Group is starting. As the team tries to explain Peter’s possession to Simon, Alexis keeps saying, “So should I start without you or…?” It adds an element of immediacy and conflict to what would otherwise be a very straightforward scene: A group asking our main character to help them. So look for those opportunities to introduce a distracting element (or ticking time bomb) into a scene to spice that scene up.

  • Poe_Serling

    With the lazy days of summer fast approaching, I usually ramp up my movie viewing and cut back a tad on my reading during my free time. But based on MZG’s high praise for Inhuman – I decided to roll the dice and toss the script onto my reading pile for this week.

    So, did the gamble pay off? You bet.

    INHUMAN…

    What I liked:

    >>I felt the writer had a really distinct voice and style.

    >>the storyline was a wild rollercoaster ride of twists and turns. It kept my guessing the whole time – always a plus in my book.

    >>created an air of mystery involving Peter from page one and maintained it throughout the duration of the script.

    Other Highlights:

    >>A fast read at 97 pages. Effective descriptive lines for both the action and character intros.

    >>Though the script’s opening and main character reminded of The Sixth Sense, I thought it was a smart move on the writer’s part to make Simon (cold and clinical) the direct opposite of Malcolm (kind and caring).

    Some minor suggestions to mull over:

    >>I would add an establishing shot of the asylum (whether it’s real or imagined)… perhaps a sinister-looking building in the inner city or the same somewhere out in the sticks of Pennsylvania. I think by including that image would only enhance the creepy atmosphere that you’re trying to create with your story.

    >>Pages 25, 55, 80… the sudden laundry list of those quick, one-line/double-spaced descriptive bullets seemed kind of choppy and took me out of the flow of the story. I recommend keeping your style consisten from one page to the next.

    >>Decent dialogue – though a bit repetitive with the chants/prayers in some spots… maybe it can be chalked up to the demonic forces/crazed mind at work… if so, I guess it’s fine then.

    Chills and Thrills rating:

    Overall, I solid effort from fade in to fade out. For me, it was an enjoyable mindbender in the same vein as Identity and In the Mouth of Madness with a touch of religious-themed supernatural horror such as The Rite thrown in for good measure.

    Thanks for sharing your work, Steffan.

    • Steffan

      Poe,

      True story. I was soooo bummed last week when you didn’t comment. I’m so glad that you read Inhuman and you liked it.

      The only reason I didn’t write in an establishing shot was to be as low budget as I could make it. It’s pretty stupid in hindsight, but I was like… let’s write this w/o an EXT. shot for 99% of the movie… only the opening has EXTs.

      Totally agree with the laundry lists. I read the script the other day and was shocked at how long they went on and how hard it was to keep up with them.

      Thanks so much for taking the time. Even though I never post I’ve been reading SS for quite a long time and I’m a fan of yours.

      • Poe_Serling

        Thanks, Steffan, for the kind words.

        Regarding the establishing shot, I don’t think it needs to be anything spectacular. Here’s a quick idea… maybe a rundown, sinister-looking building on a city street bustling with an odd assortment of people… thus hinting at the script’s motif of Peter/Simon’s crowded mind/soul.

        And for pages 25, 55, 80… I think you’ll be in good shape if you just rewrite it using the same style that worked so well for the other 94 pages of the script.

        Finally, congrats for getting your moment in the AF spotlight and scoring a worth the read. And speaking for the other commenters, it’s always nice to see the featured AF writer chime in during the day of his review.

  • klmn

    Wasn’t going to read this one, but now I will. I’ll post my comments later.

  • RobertJ

    This sounds pretty good–too bad I can’t download it on my computer. Carson, why can’t you convert the scripts to .pdfs so we won’t have to go to a third-party site to download? I’d really like to read some of these, but I can’t. Using .pdfs is so much easier than having to download an app (or software)… ugh.

    • RafaelSilvaeSouza

      ??? There’s no need to download an app. You just go to Sendspace, click on “Click here to start download from sendspace” (the blue rectangle), and it downloads the PDF.

      • Michael

        Rafael is correct. The Sendspace page is deceptively designed to get you to download their software. There is a black, blue and several yellow download buttons and none of them will download what you went to the page for. It’s the button at the center bottom and will download a PDF:

        • RobertJ

          thank you much!

        • RafaelSilvaeSouza

          Thanks, Michael! An image is a lot more helpful. Here’s another one to reinforce the message:

          • Michael

            LOL, choose wisely.

    • http://twitter.com/4450dawson Mike.H

      If you have trouble getting the scripts, try switching browsers such as CHROME, FIREFOX OR INTERNET EXPLORE… I did that and it hellped.

  • jridge32

    Surprised me how quickly I lost interest in “Inhuman”, considering how effective the opening scene is: a group of religious types enters a room where a boy is apparently being held captive. The monsignor takes the bag off the kid’s head, then someone else in the room is suddenly losing their teeth “root and all”. Grizzly, and nicely wtf.

    But I’m lost – were these supernatural powers not happening before Monsignor Ritter arrived BECAUSE of the bag being over his head? If so, why didn’t the Ritter know what would happen if the bag came off and, thus, not remove it? Or, if he didn’t.. did anyone? Why didn’t they warn him? And if no one knew anything about these special powers, then why was the bag on his head in the first place?

    Ritter explains, “We engage in direct communication with the possessed’s soul”. But this hostage kid keeps fighting back with defense mechanisms (i.e. remote teeth extraction), so Ritter goes to Simon, a PhD/MD, about dealing with teenage demonic possession. Only, Simon specializes in the mind – not soul issues. Ritter shows him a dvd of actual demonic possession activity; Simon insists it’s a fake.

    The other obstacle is, Simon doesn’t much care about people in need. He is 113 pages from completing a book — somehow, the manuscript leaked to Monsignor Ritter and his people, but whatever — and makes it clear his interests lie not in counseling troubled individuals, but finishing the book. Even though he does do group therapy. I wasn’t entirely clear – is Simon’s contention that he doesn’t care about his patients because he thinks counseling patients is a waste of time because he needs to focus strictly on finishing his book? WOULD he care about them if he wasn’t writing a book? Or no, because they bore him to death?

    And why is he so aggressively, diametrically opposed to having any association with Ritter? I mean, maybe it would be better for his book if he.. broadened his are of expertise a little.

    A new patient sits in on one of Simon’s group therapy sessions. Victor. This is where “Inhuman” fully lost me: we already know Simon doesn’t give a shit about people. Which means, he probably won’t about Victor, either. So why should we?

    Simon’s assistant, Alexis: “You were doing great work in there and then the cocky, little bastard swaggers in like he’s the king of the place” (ok, Victor may have entered the room a tad loudly, but he was new, and was told this was the room he needed to go to… how is that cocky or swagger-leaden? What are new patients supposed to do – not come in and risk interruption; just stay outside and suffer?)

    The group therapy scene is also pretty dull. The first few lines are irritating —
    “Frotterurism. Antisocial Personality Disorder. Narcissism. The Patients’ emotional problems run the gamut. In spite of this, the group feels safe under the guidance of Simon”

    First off, what the hell is fotturoteromism? How do we know these patients, whom we haven’t met yet, have these issues? How would we know HOW the group feels under anyone’s guidance? Writing like this is for a novel, not a script.

    Otherwise, the writing is fine. I just couldn’t care less about any of the characters, or where the story was headed.

  • Writer451

    At first, I thought, “What a brilliant ‘What I learned’ section! I am definitely going to use that to build a sense of urgency the next time I write a script.” But then I remembered how annoying I found the detective in GLENGARRY, GLEN ROSS to be when he kept telling Roma to come into the office or CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR when Charlie is trying to get answers out of Gust, but the secretaries keep coming in to talk about the indictment when I’d rather hear about Afghanistan. I still think it’s a great idea, but I suppose one has to be careful in how they go about it.

    • Laurenzi

      It is a nice idea, but I think it would be really annoying if you used it too often in a screenplay. Using it scene after scene could turn it into a comedy.

  • http://twitter.com/kinnygraham Graham

    I didn’t have time to comment on the AF crop from last week that had been considered for this slot, but my overall impression was that generally they were mostly all of a higher quality than the weeks previous. So congrats to the author in coming top of that particular bunch; and best of luck with the re-write if that’s what it will take to get this script some traction.

    I’d definitely work on that logline though – it still reads a clumsy and stilted, and doesn’t sell what sounds like a very promising piece of material.

  • Andrea Moss

    ‘And of course, “If you find out you’re not real, what’s the point?” I mean, why try to save anyone? If I found out I wasn’t real, I’d go sit on my couch and be super freaking bummed out. I don’t care if the person I’m inside of is possessed by either the devil, or an In and Out addiction.’

    Hmmm… What if Peter was in a coma and Simon, Bryant and Collette were parts of his mind battling the demon for the control of his soul? Byant and Collette are in the secret because they’re the ‘rational’ parts, and sometime through the second act they have to reveal the truth to Simon, the ‘emotional’ half, in order to achieve his full cooperation. That’s a huge motivator: If Satan wins, Simon dissapears. So he has to exorcize Peter to survive.

    • ArabyChic

      But then his survival is just that of a splinter of someone’s psyche – basically someone’s imaginary friend. I think it only puts a bandaid on the problem of “who cares if he’s not real”

  • leitskev

    Gonna check this script out. Ironically, what has drawn me is the twist. I know Carson didn’t like it, but that seems pretty cool. Also, as I was reading his review, the question that first popped into my mind was why does the priest insist on this particular shrink. And then when Carson revealed the twist the reason became clear.

    There’s a potential to go to some really dark places with this story. Maybe it’s a good idea to produce this one, Carson. It might appeal to a decent actor and director BECAUSE of the twist. True, it would never be a huge film, but could be one of those cult classic types on which careers are built.

    If I read the whole script, I’ll update my remarks. Thanks for the review.

    • carsonreeves1

      Yeah, I had that same question about “why this guy?” I was happy that that was satisfactorily explained.

      • Citizen M

        Would Simon and Peter be played by the same actor?

        As a producer you’d have to decide this type of thing.

    • leitskev

      Also, when reading the review, I did suspect the Simon/Peter had to mean something. And then that becomes clear with the twist too.

    • RobertJ

      so you like twists? I got a mother of a twist… aligns perfectly with the story, the clues are all there (but you got to know what you’re looking at…) and when I wrote it, it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It was a finalist for the Screenplay Festival. I’m sending it to the producer of Crash and Gods and Monsters.

      Wish me luck!

      • Marija ZombiGirl

        Luck !

      • leitskev

        Good luck, man.

  • carsonreeves1

    lol. nice tie-in.

  • Angel film investor

    I was excited when I started reading this script but I didn’t finish it. I got annoyed early on when Alexis (in my opinion) overreacted to Victors “rude” behavior. Isn’t she supposed to be a professional that is used to working with troubled young men? I would think this wasn’t the first display of rudeness she had witnessed in her job, still she reacted like it was. I just didn’t buy it and lost interest.

    • Laurenzi

      Alexis is a grad assistant, so maybe not so professional (yet).

  • Gregory Mandarano

    Creativity and originality happen all the time. If you want people to shell out fifty million dollars, write something profitable.

  • Steffan

    First of all, let me extend a thanks to all who read the script.

    I just wanted to say to the writers here: Make a one-year plan. Make a five-year plan. And stick to them.

    About a year and a half ago when I started Inhuman here was my plan:

    A) Finish Inhuman
    B) Send in to SS to get picked for AF
    C) Be the one chosen
    D) Earn an Impressive
    E) Get Carson on board to produce it
    F) Get it made

    I came close to getting up to D/E and I failed to hit F (so far), but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying. And I just wanted to say that for every bad meeting we have, or shitty logline, or crappy scene we write, there’s an option/sale waiting around the corner, a flash of genius one synapse away, and a brilliant button beyond the on-the-nose dialog that’s crowding our head.

    • Kay Bryen

      Mabrook, Steffan, on entering the elite circle of ‘Worth the read’ AF entries. I avoided giving you notes because I’m not into demonic possession stories at all, so I have a jaundiced bloodshot view of the genre. But what might help widen your target audience to people like me is if you expand the theme of possession: it doesn’t have to be confined to literal demons, because we’re all ‘possessed’ by different urges, and ‘haunted’ by our consciences. That’s why we often surprise ourselves for better or worse: “I never knew I had that in me!”

    • Zadora

      Well said! Sorry I missed it at SS, but I’m reading it now. Great work! :)

  • Gregory Mandarano

    Couple things. First im shocked exorcism scripts are the most profitable but after thinking about it, it makes sense! Second, I liked this script but was also thrown off by m night twist. I f carson was so positive about producing it before the twist was a factor, then I highly recommend the author simply purchase a consult with some of the fine ss consultants, rework the 3rd act, and make it something carson would be happy to get behind. Even some of the best scripts need a rewrite before being produced so carsons positivity is a great sign that this doesnt need too much reworking before its ready. The author should take this as encouragement to tackle the rewrite!

  • Poe_Serling

    The Exorcist is the granddaddy of demonic possession films. Just rewatched the pic recently and had a restless night’s sleep because of it… that’s saying something about a forty-year-old horror flick.

    Plus, I’ve always found The Exorcist III to be a half decent sequel. Written and directed by William Peter Blatty and starring George C. Scott.

    The nurse station scene is a classic.

    • Acarl

      aHHHH Poe! This is a scene I’ve held in the highest regard for its genius set-up and terrifying, jump from your seat, pay off. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

      • Poe_Serling

        It’s such a mundane scene at first… long shot of the hallway… nurse moving about… cop passes through… but the magic is that lingering shot and how it builds such great tension – then pow!
        Brilliant indeed!

        • Malibo Jackk

          Curious to see how they described that scene
          in the script.

          • Poe_Serling

            Couldn’t find the actual script for The Exorcist III to check out the scene… but here’s a short blurb from Blatty talking about the goal of that particular scene:

            “Instead of relying on effects … Blatty chose to create the realism necessary to his brand of terror through other kinds of directorial choices, notably in a key fright scene which is shown virtually in one uninterruped long-shot of a hospital corridor: ‘It was my preconception before we ever arrived at the set,’ he says, ‘that I would plant my camera a long distance down the hallway and let the characters move about, in order to create a strong sense of reality and also to get the audience comfortable in their surroundings – to lull them so that when the big shock comes, it wrenches them out of their seats.”

    • Marija ZombiGirl

      True story. First time I saw this movie, I was on my own and it was around midnight. That nurse station scene freaked me out so badly that I slept with the light and the radio on and a knife beside my bed.

      I hold this movie in great esteem, I think it’s amazing. I really dislike the second one, though.

      • Poe_Serling

        “… I slept with the light and the radio on and a knife beside my bed.”

        A superhuman evil entity with the world’s biggest set of surgical shears vs. MZG’s knife… hmmm, you just might have a chance. ;-)))))

  • SinclareRose

    I read this one to about page 35 – too graphic for me personally. Okay, so I’m chicken.
    I thought the writing was good. Of the five offered, I read the most pages of this one. It messed with my head right in the beginning though, when we, as the readers were introduced to Peter’s Aunt and Uncle, but as a movie-goer these people are going to look like his parents or just observers. They were never introduced in the dialogue. I don’t even think there was enough written of them to be introduced properly at the time, yet they were in all those scenes near the beginning. Maybe it was made clearer later in the story? But why introduce the character to the reader and not the potential viewer?

  • Gregory Mandarano

    Posted something but I was wrong. Nevermind.

  • Poe_Serling

    “… movie was a testament to the collaborative process of filmmaking,It wasn’t just the script, it was the perfect casting, the music “Tubular Bells” being one of the eeriest themes ever, the vocal talents of Mercedes McCambridge… ”

    All so very true… and like you’ve mentioned before – it was a great decision on writer Blatty’s part of having the demon enter the body of a young teenage girl. It allowed Friedkin and co. not only to explore the possession of her soul in sexual terms but in the ultimate teen rebellion against authority in the form of her mother, the medical establishment (she goes through the battery of tests), and the priests representing the Catholic Church and conservative society.

    Yeah, ’73 was a watershed year for horror. We also got Nicolas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now and The Wicker Man starring Edward Woodard and Christopher Lee.

    • rl1800

      Regarding the possession of the twelve year old Regan — there’s something inherently disturbing to adults about a child that’s imbued with superhuman power. When you think of The Omen, The Ring, Village of the Damned, even those creepo little twins from The Shining, I think one of the reasons we find it so scary is that you’ve taken something we regard as innocent and weak and transformed it into something more powerful than us.

      • Poe_Serling

        “… something inherently disturbing to adults about a child that’s imbued with superhuman power…”

        Good point. And it worked to perfection in the film 1960 classic Village of the Damned… not so much in John Carpenter’s ’95 remake.

  • Spitgag

    Steffan, my partner and I are finishing up the third act of our very own exorcism movie. I chose not to read yours bc I dont want something of yours unconsciously slipped into our script. Not that that would be likely since our movie is NOTHING even remotely like yours – tone, characters, premise, etc etc – and we’ve been writing it for a year. Anyway, Congrats on the review and good luck. That Carson’s exorcisms make cash article is pretty sweet to hear, am I right?

    peace.

    • Steffan

      Good luck with it. It’s a fun genre to write within.

      • Spitgag

        Truth.

        • Spitgag

          Err I mean it’s horrible HORRIBLE!

  • sweetvita

    “Most good stories entail the realization of a conscience on the part of the protagonist. It serves as the final arbiter at the climax of a movie. Whether to choose the path of the selfish, which lead to all their misery in the first place, or to change, do something selfless, courageous and noble….”

    Well put, Grendl.

  • Citizen M

    The first 25 pages were very strong, but after the sepia-toned visions started I wasn’t sure what was going on, and when Father Bryant fired the gun I officially clocked out. Completely confused. I read through to the end, but I can’t make any comment because I don’t know what I was reading. Fans of the genre might appreciate it, but from me it gets a [x] O.o

  • Citizen M

    Wednesday’s script is online. Refn’s “Only God Forgives”

    http://goo.gl/gmrZn

    • Midnight Luck

      that’s awesome. thanks for the link and heads up.

  • Jim

    Inhuman reminds me of that script Charlie Kaufman’s twin brother, Donald, was writing in Adaptation, about a cop with multiple personality disorder who tried to save a prostitute from a serial killer … And at the end SPOILER the twist is that all three are the same person. The good news is that Donald sold his script to a major studio.

    ;-)

    • Steffan

      What I love even more than your comment, Jim, is the fact that you opened a Disqus account just to post it! ;-)

      Both made me laugh.

  • Citizen M

    I agree with you the logline is misleading.

    teen in a coma … a psychologist helps the clergymen … wake the child
    I read it that the teen was awake, chained, in a straitjacket, and refusing to talk to the clergy. He would only talk to Simon. Nothing about waking from a coma.

    trapped in a secluded monastery
    It was an abandoned mental hospital. When I hear monastery I think of an ancient stone building, dark and creepy. A hospital is lighter, airier, more spacious. A very different mental image.

    one person to turn to for help: his newly awakened patient
    I would have said something along the lines of “…his rational mind cannot accept what is happening and he finds himself drawn into the demonic world of his patient.”

    But I confess I didn’t really understand the story.

  • RafaelSilvaeSouza

    Are you talking about my second post or my first? Because the second one was supposed to be a joke — the image is not even from Sendspace.

    But… you want clearer? More than Michael so kindly put it? Okay. Here ya go: install the Adblock Plus extension on your browser. Sendspace will now only show ONE download button.

  • Zadora

    Thanks for reviewing this script. Just downloaded it! I’m only 20 pages in so far, but I really like it. I’m always on the lookout to read a good horror/thriller.

  • blueiis0112

    I did not get very far in this script. Steffan, try not using the Catholic Church personnel has your go to for a hero. Other faiths believe in Satan and possession. The Catholic Church has its own “you may be possessed if” type of laundry list, but other faiths have differing views, so use another list. How about the exorcising authority losing the battle, since Regan won and Emily died. Do Jews believe in exorcism? Contact Rabbi Wolpe. That guy is very popular and understandable.