amateur offerings weekend

All I do with every free minute I have is watch McGregor-Mayweather press conferences, then the post press-conferences of those press conferences. And then the reactions of people to those press conferences. I’m telling you right now – somebody’s going to make a movie about this some day. It might as well be you.

Here’s how to play Amateur Offerings if you haven’t played before: Read as many of this weekend’s scripts as you can and VOTE for your favorite in the comments section. Winner gets a review next Friday.

If you’d like to submit your own script to compete on Amateur Offerings, send a PDF of your script to carsonreeves3@gmail.com with the title, genre, logline, and why you think your script should get a shot.

Title: The Last Moon
Genre: Supernatural Horror
Logline: On the night of a full moon a man reveals to his brother he was attacked by a werewolf on a business trip to Vancouver and is now cursed. It might be the ranting of a madman, but as doubt creeps in and midnight approaches the brothers’ reunion takes a disturbing turn. A chilling thriller in the vein of 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE but with a supernatural twist.
Why You Should Read: I wrote this very contained script so I could produce/direct as per Carson’s advice about the best way to get your career going. I believe there is also, as per Carson’s advice!, a human condition aspect to the story amidst its thriller/horror genre, or at least I intend there to be. It’s a werewolf story but my goal here was not to write/produce a gory b-movie, instead I asked myself the question what might a Hitchcock or Polanski micro-budget werewolf movie be like? So more psychological-suspense genre than action/gore horror was the intention, also taking that route so the film can be made on a micro-budget. I also created a mock-poster to get things going as I am determined to produce/direct The Last Moon in the fall and want to make the script as good as it can be before then so any feedback I get should I be selected would be invaluable to the development process. I read the site every day so I look forward to seeing the other submissions regardless of the fate of mine so good luck to all.

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Title: Hellpig
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Logline: When pipeline construction encroaches on its pristine Dakota Badlands territory, a giant prehistoric pig creature unleashes hell on a group of unsuspecting humans, who must band together in order to survive.
Why You Should Read: Longtime SS lurker here, ready to throw my script into the pit. Hellpig is a heapin’ helpin’ of action, gore and camp with a Sharknado tone, a unique monster and buckets of blood. Thanks to Carson and everyone for the opportunity and the reads.
Carson Bonus: 5 Scriptshadow Points for the best “Hellpig” poster tagline!!

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Title: EXFIL
Genre: Action
Logline: A vengeful DEA agent plots an unsanctioned mission to kidnap Mexico’s most-wanted drug lord, but soon finds herself marooned in cartel land with her hostage and an army of hitmen in pursuit.
Why You Should Read: This is my thirteenth screenplay but despite various successes over the years – competition wins, options, assignments — I find myself back at square one, still struggling to achieve the dream that most of us on the site have… to be a professional screenwriter. At what point does one give up and accept defeat? I’m not sure. But I’m not there just yet. So here’s number thirteen. I hope you enjoy it and thank you in advance for any feedback.

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Title: Margot
Genre: Psychological/Supernatural Horror
Logline: “A troubled teenage girl discovers a diary that links her to a beautiful socialite from over 200 years ago who represents everything she is not and everything she will do anything to be.”
Why You Should Read: My name is Thomas Mann (no relation to the German master, unfortunately!). I’m 25 and from the UK. Over the last couple of years I’e placed in the Top 20 of Launching Pad contest, quarter finals of Screencraft Horror, semifinals of Screencraft Family Friend contest and finalist of the BBC Writersroom. — You should give this script a read as it looks into some of the most current themes effecting the youth of today. It shows how easily manipulated kids are and the razor wire they walk during the tumultuous teenage years. Also, it’s fucking scary and has massive franchise potential.

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Title: Star Crossed
Genre: Sci-fi/Fantasy
Logline: A young couple wish upon a falling star, then must save themselves and their families, from the alien creatures that fell to earth aboard the meteor they wished upon.
Why You Should Read: My name’s Sal. I’ve been posting on Script Shadow for about three years now (not all under my government name). I’ve been sitting on the Amateur Weekend sidelines for a good long while now, talking all types off stuff, so this is my bid to get off the sidelines and onto the playing field. — This is a genre take on Romeo and Juliet that I doubt anybody asked for, but felt compelled to write anyway. It runs the two teens at the heart of the story through a crazy night, filled with actions and emotions that bridge the above listed genres and more. There is also a definite surprise or two in store. And most importantly, the story is faithful to the spirit at the heart of the premise. It’s a story about love and family. If the title and logline strike you as even remotely interesting…give it a whirl.

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  • BMCHB

    Makin’ Bacon, bitches!

    • Scott Crawford

      Best me by eight minutes. Had a bacon sandwich for breakfast this morning. Start the day the right way.

      Where does the best bacon come from?

  • Scott Crawford

    Votes so far.

  • James Michael

    Hey guys, Congrats on getting your scripts through. These are just my first thoughts on the loglines and in no way reflect the actual scripts BUT I had been preaching for a while the importance of loglines over scripts (at least at this stage in the game). so here goes…

    THE LAST MOON: The concept sounds cool enough but the logline doesn’t do it any justice. I kind of had to guess that this might be a contained thriller until you mentioned Cloverfield Lane (which you probably shouldn’t do in a logline anyway). It also talks about the protagonist as being with his brother who might also be a madman? Are they estranged?

    If I was you I would 1) drop the Vancouver mention – this serves no purpose. 2) work out who the protagonist is and tell the logline from his POV 3) if this is contained, find a way of working it into the logline

    HELLPIG: Sounds pretty awesome. My only real concern is the lack of character. Is the Hellpig the main character? you mention a group of unsuspecting humans, but that is vague. I think you need to work out who the lead is and tell the logline from his POV

    EXFIL: Easily the best written logline of the group. The real issue is one that gets brought up all the time here (and I don’t subscribe to it all the time, if the script is well written) but there is no real X-factor angle here. You’ve been writting a while so I can assume the story will be well told, fast paced and sharp. But is that enough? Yet this is probably the one I will red based of how clear the logline is. You have a point to make and you made it.

    MARGOT: I see what you’re going for but you didn’t crack it. The obvious problem here is that it literally makes no sense. Read the last few words and tell me that makes any sense. Writing this off as a simple error, I still think the issue here is lack of clarity.

    The first part is fine – the troubled teenage girl and diary angle. But then tell us what she wants to get from the diary. What happens when she reads it? What does it do? This is just super vague and I couldn’t even guess for a second where this story might go. And by that I mean the first 5 pages (we want to be surprised by we also want to be grounded to a certain degree)

    STAR CROSSED: This sounds cool in all honesty, but is still just a little vague. For example, what did the young couple wish on the star for? Is their relationship in trouble? Is their life falling apart? Does their wish have any impact on the story other than sounding cool in a logline? the irony of them fighting against the thing they wished on sounds like fun, but if it doesnt actually factor into the plot than you might want to ditch it from the logline and use the words to clarify other factors that are missing in the logline e.g you could add urgency, stakes (aliens is vague), even make the goal a little clear – pair it with some urgency “they must stop the aliens before..” or “they must stop the aliens before they…”

    Loglines blow. They’re a pain to write and don’t always reflect the story or the quality of the work and writer. But the world that we live in dictates that we get these right lest we never advance to the next round. Good luck all :)

    Oh and side note. A website that I used to use to test run loglines is ‘logline.it’. You can post your loglines here and get feedback from other amateurs. Not sure how busy the sight is, but might be worth checking out for anyone who is interested

    • Scott Crawford

      EXFIL works best for me, I love a good B-movie (don’t take offence at that term, most blockbusters are just overstuffed B-movies. I like things that down and dirty and honest). This is the sort of thing that sells all the time… which is a blessing and a curse. I agree with you, .James, there’s no new HOOK here. If there IS, it needs to be IN the logline.

      Otherwise this would make a great vehicle for, if not Scarlet Johannson then maybe her stunt double, Heidi Moneymaker (last seen kicking Keanu’s butt in JW2).

      https://www.redbulletin.com/sites/default/files/images/body_slam_ouch_stunts.jpg?downsize=1160:*

  • Scott Crawford

    I’m working all weekend so I’m not sure if I’ll have the time for indepth analysis. But I will say THESE WYSRs are a real improvement over some other weekends. Confidence AND humility. Humor WITHOUT irritation. Not THAT difficult.

    Best of.. no, wait, no LUCK… it’s never “luck.” Let the best screenplay win!