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Long story short, I’m on a mini-vacation in Portland.  Yesterday, I went over to the Food Truck Square and did a food crawl.  Next thing I knew, I woke up in a park post-sundown with several half-empty bags of food and the worst stomach ache this side of a pie eating contest.  A few transients in the area seemed very worried about me.  They said I wandered up asking about a peanut butter pickle cheeseburger before doing something I called the “Dance of the Raspberries.”  After some Chinatown-esque investigatory work, I concluded that someone had roofied my Food Truck food, although it’s unclear why they would do so.  Everything was still in my wallet except for my library card.  I also Googled “peanut butter pickle cheeseburger” and found out that it exists.  Whether or not I consumed one yesterday and said consumption contributed to my demise is still a mystery.

peanut-butter-bacon-picklePeanut Butter Pickle Burger

When I did come home and try to do a script review for Seth Rogen and James Franco’s “The Interview,” I passed out before I could get to the finish line.  But I do have a TLDR version of the review – “Pineapple Express in North Korea.  Kind of funny.  What I learned: With Neighbors and now The Interview, the high concept comedy is back!  But I’m not sure the ‘wish’ type high concept comedies like Liar Liar are in favor.  This implies that more reality-based ideas are en vogue.”  I sincerely hope I recover enough to get an article up tomorrow.  But Portland seems to be a bit of a Wonderland.  There are so many holes to fall into, and not a lot of ways to get out.  Until the next time (if there is a next time), good night, and keep Portland weird.

  • gonzorama

    Carson – this story has everything! Great GSU and a mystery box to boot. Maybe you can whip up a script and throw it into the AOW mix???

    • klmn

      And we’ll all review it!

  • Scott Crawford

    I’m not bothered about the Liar, Liar or Click wish-type comedies, but where are the City Slickers? Where are the non-R-rated comedies you could take the whole family too? Where are the Trading Places, the smart comedies you can take your brain too?

  • Randy Williams

    You sure the peanut butter pickle burger wasn’t for Ms. Scriptshadow?

    Are we expecting a little Grendl or Grendlyn?

    • klmn

      Grendlyn is a concept too terrible to contemplate.

  • Guest

    ..

  • Guest

    • Scott Strybos

      Somehow I deleted my comment again… but Carson’s predicament made me think of this 1988 film (can any Scriptshadower place the film just from this still?) because I think the plot has something to do with a writer.

      Can anyone remember the reason for Stern poisoning Quaid? It had something do with Stern wanting to steal some kid’s manuscript, right?

      • Scott Crawford

        D.O.A. The film starts in color then slowly gets desaturated as Quaid’s character gets sicker, ending in black and white.

        It was directed by the makers of Max Headroom. And the Super Mario Bros. movie.

  • Mike.H

    Damn Carson, you beat me to it! Portland’s on my next travel list.

    Do tell some of its salient tourist spots and photos would help like your last PARIS TRIP! Thnxs.

  • Nathan Labonté

    OT: Since there isn’t any review up, perhaps the general public might like to read a short script my siblings and I might perhaps film weekend next.

    https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3y-E8JDN8cmY19VaG9MOUVWZzQ/edit?usp=sharing

    It’s not supposed to be something “well-written”, since we’re filming it ourselves so we have an idea of what we want to do; I more so want story/scene suggestions… OK, I don’t know what I want other than a general opinion.

    Thanks! (if you read it, that is…)

    • Scott Crawford

      Not a bad script. Great idea to film your own stuff, and it’s something you should be able to do quite easily. But I don’t quite get where the CD player with the looped message came from. The idea is great – the last man on Earth thinks there’s someone else, but there isn’t. Perfect for a short film.

      What if instead of a CD player, the man finds a talking doll, like a Teddy Ruxpin, that plays back any message it hears. I don’t know, something like that.

      • Nathan Labonté

        Yeah, I admit that the CD player was a “quick-fix” to how I would add that element into the script. That’s why they’re called “rewrites” I suppose.

        And thank you for commenting.

        • Scott Crawford

          It didn’t take long to read the script; it wasn’t like you were asking us to take time out to give notes on a feature. We’ll always throw in some advice if it doesn’t take up too much time; that’s one of the reasons for this website.

    • Randy Williams

      Kind of a mind bender as a read. I liked it, just not sure I got it. Did I get it wrong, Hank is our last man on earth and “the man” is his wish fulfillment?

      If that is the case, perhaps reinforce that with two visuals? 1. “The man” arriving to the camp has more of a grimy face than you describe, looks like a black man, kneels by the pond and cleans his face, catching his own image reflected in the water. 2. Hank catches his own image reflected in the rearview of the truck. Same stare.

      And I liked the image of the radio and CD player. I could imagine how it might look with a freaky antenna, there set in a forest clearing, kind of otherworldy, even reflecting what might have happened to everyone.

      • Nathan Labonté

        What I failed to capture in the script (I wrote it over the course of about 2 hours) is that the last man on Earth thinks he’s the last man on Earth but he’s not; there’s at least one other survivor (named Hank). The irony is that they come so close to meeting and restoring hope in each other, and yet they don’t.

        Thank you for commenting!

        • Randy Williams

          No, you captured it well. I actually read it that way too. It’s a think piece which allows for varying thoughts. Generally, I just tend to go for twistier thoughts and took that route.

        • Scott Crawford

          “The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door…”

          I always thought that was the whole story, those two lines, but apparently there’s more.

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knock_(short_story)

          By the way, Knock is, near-as-a-toucher, public domain. Written in 1948. Anyone could shoot it as a short film. IP and all, just sayin’.

  • Tailmonsterfriend

    Portland, eh? Rumor has it the dream of the nineties is still well and alive there, just like the dream of the nineties high-concept comedy is alive in Hollywood.

    That burger, though… Bacon, pickles, beef, mayonnaise, and peanut butter? Kind of an awesome metaphor about how sometimes, the best scripts are the ones that throw in something completely bizarre that just works even though it looks and feels like it really shouldn’t.

    • Scott Crawford

      Everything’s fine for me EXCEPT peanut butter. Maybe because I’m English, not a huge fan.

      It’s kind of like Good Will Hunting. The original script has love, comedy, Harvard, mathematics. . . and NSA assassins. Rob Reiner said drop the NSA subplot. Bill Goldman read the script and agreed. Then the script just had love, comedy, Harvard and mathematics, the mathematics being the more original part.

      Watch Man vs. Food. You CAN have too much of a good thing.

      • Tailmonsterfriend

        I agree with this. You can’t put peanut butter on everything (also, some people have nut allergies).

        • hickeyyy

          You damn well can put peanut butter on everything!

          • Ange Neale

            You might die young, but yes you can.

            Slightly OT, but some clever French company came up with the most miraculous food for little kids with malnutrition. It’s peanut butter supplemented with milk powder, vitamins and minerals. They call it ‘plumpy nut’. The kids just put on weight because it’s so energy-dense. Even the weakest babies can usually manage to suck their thumb, so they can manage this stuff. It’s incredibly cheap, and doesn’t need a trained nurse to administer. So peanut butter rocks. (Apparently African kids don’t have peanut allergies to the extent that Western kids do, so it’s much less of a problem than the malnutrition.)

          • Midnight Luck

            My “Treat” as a little one growing up was my Mom mixed Peanut Butter (the real all peanut kind) with honey and powdered milk. It became this sweet peanuty stuff you could form into semi stiff shapes and then eat. It tasted so great, and the added plus was my Brother and I could “Play with our food”!
            It was the best.
            Because we were so incredibly poor, this was the highlight of our lives.

          • Ange Neale

            Thanks for that anecdote, ML! The peanut concoction might’ve saved you from malnutrition, too.

            And it’s good that your mom used honey and not high fructose corn syrup – that stuff seems to be so tied up with diabetes and metabolic syndrome that there ought to be a law against it.

            Check this out if you’ve got a spare hour (and there are 2 other parts as well if you’re really keen):


            Cheers!

          • Midnight Luck

            Hey thanks so much for these Ange. I am almost done with the first one. Have never seen these. I am a nutritionist and have read an seen so many things about food, and the way we came to eat what we eat. This is more great knowledge.
            Really, thanks for passing it along to me. I appreciate it.

          • Ange Neale

            No worries, ML. I only knew of it ‘cos our free-to-air national broadcaster picked it up (they show a lot of British productions). If I see anything else that might be of interest, I’ll send you the link.

            I note below about animals (I eat fish but almost never meat these days). There was a stomach-churning doco made, um, 3 (?) years ago about the lethal end of the live cattle export trade between Australia and Indonesia; a huge public and diplomatic fuss it caused. Some of Indonesia’s slaughterhouses leave a lot to be desired; they’re trying to clean them up because what was shown was definitely not Halal slaughter and most Indonesians are Muslims. Australian farmers were appalled because the vast majority take their animals’ welfare very seriously.

            If you want to see it, it’s at http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/special_eds/20110530/cattle/ , but I warn you it’s sickening in parts. Anybody who thinks that cattle don’t understand what’s going to happen to them and feel terror at it won’t doubt it after this. It’s the best moral justification for vegetarianism I’ve ever seen.

          • klmn

            Try bacon, peanut butter, and banana sandwiches.

          • Midnight Luck

            I would’ve given it a try before, as a kid, but now, sorry, can’t.
            I don’t do animals.

          • klmn

            That’s okay. I eat enough animals for both of us.

            And maybe a third person too!

      • pmlove

        Did not know that about GWH – do you have a copy of that version??

        lovepeterm at gmail.com if you do!

        • Scott Crawford

          To my knowledge that version has never been made public, though it is true, been widely discussed.

    • gonzorama

      The first time I heard about peanut butter pizza I laughed. Thought I’d never try it. It’s awesome…

      • bex01

        Oh my God I’ve never heard of that! But it sounds amazing!

        • gonzorama

          It’s not everywhere, but if you find it I recommend you try it. Or, if you really want something tasty try Thai Chicken Pizza with peanut butter sauce. Peanut butter on pizza, who knew?

      • cjob3

        This IS the first time I’m hearing of it and I can tell my life is already different.

  • Scott Crawford

    Since this is quite the free-for-all today, how about this: three months after it was first released, Chef has made less money than Earth to Echo.

    • Kirk Diggler

      27 mil ain’t bad for an R rated indie film. Plus it made an additional $64,000 in Lebanon.

      • Scott Crawford

        Yes, but it was supposed to be so much more. It was supposed to be the sleeper of the summer. I would’ve expected at least double what it made. The slow release I think killed the energy.

  • klmn

    If you listen carefully you’ll hear the sound of your heart valves choking on that peanut butter.

  • K.B. Houston

    That burger must have really been teeming with Rufilin, because referring to Neighbors as “high concept” is as close as it gets to a violation of the English language.

  • andyjaxfl

    New Reader Top 25!

  • Midnight Luck

    As a Portlander, Newbie arrivals calling themselves “Portlander’s” and trying to all OUT-WEIRD all the other “Weirderer’s” gets real tiring. The idea of being as kooky and weird as you can so you draw attention to yourself over all the others trying to draw attention to themselves by being “The Weirdest” is so old and done with.
    But EVERYONE who moves to Portland ends up Drinking the Koolaid and doing EXACTLY the same thing.
    They start out doing what they see others do, mimicking, then they alter that mimic slightly, then they do something so “out there” and ridiculous, it has no chance of being pulled off, and finally they find their DIY, Peg leg pants – Knitting – welding of bicycle parts, Bacon and maple syrup Hot Dog – scarf wearing in the summer, 3 band in 3 different basements joining selves and write a blog about it, espousing all their UNIQUENESS and WEIRD so EVERYONE will notice them and pay attention (Kind of like the Life and Path of a Screenwriter).
    It’s like all the Texans, Michiganian’s, Ohioans, and New Yorker’s, along with the Californian’s, descended upon Portland and immediately called it their own. As if they are the American Islanders who rowed their Land Rovers ALL the way from one state to another, then planted their flag and elaborate on the fact that THEY were there first (when they landed 6 months ago) and they “Discovered” it. (Much like Columbus “Discovered America (I believe the land had been there for a few years before he landed))

    As someone Born and Raised in Portland, I appreciated the Uniqueness and WEIRDNESS of PDX when I was growing up, but now it is just a label that people throw around to impress others. (oh my 3 bands are “THREE FINGER LICK, THE UPSKORTS, AND DOGPILE)

    No one drink the Koolaid.
    NOT trying to be so different, would truly make you different.

    • Ange Neale

      Bacon and maple syrup on hot dogs? Oh, ML, that is tragic. Us Antipodeans put fried egg and sliced, pickled beetroot on our burgers, and I’ve heard Americans think that’s pretty strange. But maple syrup on a hot dog? Pulling my leg, surely! Is that with mustard and ketchup, too, or do they leave that off?

      • Midnight Luck

        Nope, it was true at one point, deep within the Bowels of a Foodcart.
        Ever since Voodoo Donut “invented” the Bacon and Maple topped donut (many years ago), maple EVERYTHING became the rage. So, maple started popping up everywhere in PDX on things it shouldn’t… just so the Chef or Restaurant can be adequately Portland “Weird”.

    • Logic Ninja

      Sounds like the uncertainty principle in physics: The minute you observe a thing, you change its properties.
      The minute you TRY to be different, you put yourself in a category.

  • Ambrose*

    Carson,
    Sorry to hear about your gastrointestinal meltdown.
    Did passeresby hear you muttering your version of “Rosebud”?
    “Pickle”.

    And somewhere in L.A. a Portland citizen is checking out scores of books, CDs and DVDs that he/she has no intention of returning.
    They’ll probably have to call in the Seinfeld library detective.
    Be prepared to be interrogated.

  • Midnight Luck

    Latest Poster for Tarantino’s Hateful Eight:

    http://www.imdb.com/media/rm132169728/rg1528338944?ref_=hm_snp_i2

    • tobban

      Great poster ! It had that seventies vibe. Super Cinemascope !!! If that is real I will see the movie just because of the format.

      • Scott Crawford

        Hollywood directors rally (inc. Tarantino) to save film factory.
        http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-28559326

      • Midnight Luck

        it was posted on IMDB and several other reputable places, so yeah, at least for right now it is the poster.
        But who knows, the posters change sometimes when the movie comes out. Usually the prod co’s don’t like “art” posters and replace them with “face” posters where the big recognizable stars are shown and that is it.
        I think Tarantino is about the only one who can get a pass on this, as most people don’t care WHO is in his movies, they care ABOUT his movies.
        Such an enviable thing to have, i think.

  • klmn

    OT. Sharknado II was kinda fun and very goofy. It opened with a nod to the William Shatner/ Twilight Zone episode. The hero is on an airplane, it flies into a storm. The hero looks out his window and sees a shark lying on the wing…

  • Scott Crawford

    What would you say is the main difference between Portland and Seattle?

    • Kirk Diggler

      Seattle has major sports teams (Seahawks, Mariners) while Portland doesn’t. Although they do have a fierce MLS rivalry.

  • lonestarr357

    Joe Dante’s “It’s a Good Life” from TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE popped into my head at seeing that. Helen sees peanut butter on the burger. Anthony remarks, “It’s good that way”. Meanwhile, I’m thinking (and still am), “…no”.

  • cjob3

    I submitted this Portandia spec to the Nickelodeon Writing Fellowship program. Hope I make it this year. Should hear soon.
    https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B3-kkJqvzZmcdzh2bTh1NDZvQVE/edit

  • Scott Strybos

    Still no article? Portland is a blackhole from which nothing escapes.

  • https://thebarkbitesback.wordpress.com/ Jim

    I know I said I wasn’t going to post another link, but hey, there seems to be a vacancy here – so if you want to know more about that mysterious thing called empathy and why it’s important to your story, click over here —-> http://wp.me/p4Q6fC-2Q

  • cjob3

  • Logic Ninja

    No Thursday article?!?!?! Portland, you seductive sewer–give us Carson back!

    • Midnight Luck

      so green and sparkly
      oh seductive
      yet empty and ho

      for my money, I’ll take SoCal,

      Every time.

      (and yes. We want our CCV)

      • Logic Ninja

        Ah, SoCal. How I long for thee.

        I think it was Paul Bunyan who tired of sailing, so he walked until he found a town where nobody’d heard of an oar.

        Well, if you ever tired of screenwriting and walked until nobody’d heard of a logline, you’d be in Shawnee, Oklahoma. Where I sit at a desk and watch the rain.

        • Logic Ninja

          No, it was Alfred Bulltop Stormalong. Huh. Fifth grade English failed me.

        • klmn

          I read it came from some old Greek story, can’t remember the name. Odysseus maybe?

          The modern version involves tire chains.

          • Logic Ninja

            Yep, Odysseus! Right on the money.

  • Craig Mack

    Slow day — anyone open to dropping a few notes on a screenplay I have in the Quarters at Page? Not sure if I’ll make the semis (probably not TBH) but I can resubmit a draft if I do. It’s a fast paced Action/Thriller 93pgs. Willing to trade quick reads.

  • cjob3

    Pretty much I think. Although if they call my bluff again I don’t have a follow-up ready. Just like last year. When will I learn?

  • Midnight Luck

    I am back here now too. Just for a short bit.
    There is another screenwriting guy who came here a while back and sent out an email to meet up at this food cart zoo.
    Carson, you could do something like that, get to know some of the great places around PDX, the hidden gems.
    I think there are a few of us Portlandites on here who could meet up.
    Though, it sounds like you might need a day or two to recover first.

  • cjob3

    D’oh! What are the odds? They just announced the winners. didn’t make it this time. Dang it!

  • klmn

    Maybe it wasn’t the burger, Carson. You may have contracted Ebola. Better wait to see what other symptoms develop.