Rites Of Men

Posted on May 31, 2009 | by admin

Genre: Drama
Premise: A working-class single father’s world comes crashing down when his son goes missing.
About: Herman just sold the bank heist spec “Conviction” to Universal last month, which opened up the door to sell “Rites Of Men” a couple of weeks later.
Writer: Jonathan Herman

Rites Of Men is about a single father, Rett, and his introverted teenage son, Billy. Rett’s a bit of a screw-up. Doesn’t pay his taxes, much less his bills. But his saving grace is that he loves his son more than anything. When Billy starts growing up, gets himself a girlfriend, and starts spending more time with her than him, Rett is predictably hurt. His son means everything to him. But when Billy stops talking to Rett altogether, his hurt becomes concern. Something bad is going on in Billy’s life and Rett tries to pry it out of him. But Billy won’t budge. Whatever’s going on, he’s keeping it to himself.

After Rett gets Billy a car for his birthday, Billy heads down to Florida to spend the weekend with his mother. Unfortunately, he never gets there. Billy and his car go missing for weeks. It’s every parents’ worst nightmare. A few days later, they find Billy’s body in some bushes. Rett’s world comes crashing down. He is destroyed.

Months pass and Rett’s life is one big alcoholic binge. The only thing he feels is hate. The cops gave up on his son’s case a long time ago and it’s left Rett with nothing but bitterness. It is by complete chance then that he happens to spot the very car he bought Billy. With a little investigation, he discovers the identity of the driver, a beautiful nurse named Carla. He cons his way into meeting her, discovering early on that she had nothing to do with Billy’s disappearence, and starts to fall for her. He also befriends Carla’s high school son, a teenager who reminds him a lot of his own son. Rett once again finds himself playing the role of father, and the three of them become a weird dysfuncitonal family with a hell of a lot of baggage.

But when Rett finds Billy’s old girlfriend and realizes he may finally get some answers to his son’s death, he charges blindly into a world that’s much deeper than he could’ve imagined. As the pieces come together, a disturbing chain of events surfaces – the decisions his son made that led to his execution.

Rites of Men nearly made my Top 10. It’s an excellent screenplay by an excellent writer. Technically, it blows most screenplays I read out of the water. The characters are all memorable, the emotion is real, the dialogue is great, the story never slows, it hits all the beats and yet it never feels structured. It’s just a really good script. Remember “The Low Dweller,” the script I reviewed a few weeks back? This was like that script, except entertaining. Herman really really knows how to entertain.

What yanked it out of my Top 10, and even my Top 25, was a late twist that was too convenient, followed by an ending that was too messy. I see this happen a lot with these scripts. A really smart set-up that loses itself in a blur of stabbing and shootings and geographic confusion – the writing equivalent of when a director shoots a fight scene in super close-ups so you can never tell what the hell is going on. It just didn’t quite live up to the rest of the script, which always had me guessing.

But still man, this script was really good. Herman crafts tons of lines like this one, where Rett responds to an officer telling him to stay strong: “Maybe put your own child in a hole sometime. Throw a little dirt on top. See how strong it makes you.”

Really top-notch stuff. This one’s a keeper. Check it out.

[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: This is a good lesson. Too many writers try to break in with their low-concept scripts. But the reality is, even if these scripts are great, agents and producers know they’ll have a tough time selling them, particularly if the person’s a first-time writer and doesn’t have the track record to justify the gamble. Herman busted in with a way more commercial bank-heist spec a few weeks earlier – something an executive knew he could sell. Now that Herman had a track record around town, he was able to bust out the less commercial “Rites Of Men,” and people trusted him enough to buy it. Go in first with your high-concept or highly marketable idea. Once you’ve made the sale, then bust out the character piece. There are cases of doing it the other way around, but they’re few and far between.

Posted in Drama, Impressive
  • Anonymous

    Carson, while what you say is probably valid, the script was actually sent to Universal’s Scott Bernstein as a writing sample and Scott reacted so strongly to it that he decided to buy it. As an aside, I hear Universal is completely redeveloping the project and many of the things that you like about it may be trashed. However, I agree with you about the action being all over the place, as well as confusing, in the end. I don’t agree with you about the twist. I think it’s well seeded earlier (even if I saw it coming, but I’m a real suspicious bastard and someone who writes these types of scripts for a living) and pays off effectively. SPOILER…

    A certain character’s ethnicity gives it away.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08439555051697115476 Carson Reeves

    MAJOR SPOILER – It was properly set up with the son and all, I agree with that. My problem is with the convenience. We’re supposed to believe that Carla randomly bought this car off a lot, and the one car she happens to buy just happens to be the car of a kid her ex-husband killed. What are the chances of that? – I would’ve bought it if Caesar had given his wife the car. But that would’ve made no sense because he was rich. He would’ve gotten her a much more expensive car than that one.

  • Anonymous

    Continuation of SPOILERS:

    I think Caesar DID give the car to the kid. Carla was not being straight with Rhett from the onset. She wasn’t going to admit that her drug dealer ex gave her son a stolen car. Also, rich dudes don’t always buy their kids Ferraris – some of them make their kids earn their shit. And Casear has a track record of making his son earn things!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08439555051697115476 Carson Reeves

    Then it makes sense. I guess I just trusted Carla. That lying bitch.

  • Lumi

    This script and with Prisoners and many more in the works, the Child gone missing parent seeking revenge seems to be in vouge this days. I better jump on that bandwagon and bang out my own missing child spec screenplay. Anyways Carson the LOW DWELLER rocked, I can’t believe you hated it. But then again I have a thing for the southern flavor, so maybe that sold me.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08439555051697115476 Carson Reeves

    I think I can boil it down to never liking Slim (talking about Low Dweller here). I thought he was kind of an asshole so I was never rooting for him. But it definitely got the tone and setting right. I’ll give it that.

  • Anonymous

    It’s amazing that we’re still talking about LOW DWELLER. Here’s what I think: LOW DWELLER was a good read. It’s moody, dark, novel-like, and the action lines are very prose-y which gives a distinctive voice to the author. And that is one of the reasons I think it got the attention that it did. You can tell Inglesby loves Cormac Mcarty (as I do). But here’s the thing: I think in Inglesby’s desire to create something Mcarthy-esqu, he actually created a venere of depth. Instead of having a deep character with Slim, he created a character that was stoic with the idea of mystery and depth, though that mystery is never revealed. Instead Slim was boiled down to “look at me wrong and I will shove glass in your face, but I am also capable of great love.” But the character is never truly humanized. The writer uses the crutch of the strong silent type as a way to not have to explore what is truly making him tick. Take out all the “y’all’s” and all the regional colloquialisms and you have a strong B movie with conveyed depth. All that said, what makes this still a worthy script is the poetry Inglesby writes with. There is great beauty and mood and a foreboding quality that is not seen in others. That’s voice. And that is specific to Inglesby. And that is why Todd Field and Marc Forester are working with this 29year old writer.

  • karaff

    Carson, do you have a copy of Conviction that you could put up?

  • Anonymous

    JJ Says:

    Hey, thanks for this, Carson. I can’t wait to read the script, and your review really gives hope to those of us currently struggling with similiar dramas and the like. I have nothing against high concept / big commercial movies (that sell for big paychecks), but there ARE other stories besides stuff like, y’know, “Five college kids are driving through Arizona and pass through a ghost town and it seems empty but it’s actually inhabited by serial killers who dress up like cowboys and Indians….”

  • Anonymous

    Would love to check out CONVICTION. Anyone?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08439555051697115476 Carson Reeves

    I do have Conviction but won’t be putting it up until I do a review, likely next week.

    JJ, are you sure? Your cowboys and Indians idea has potential. :)

  • Anonymous

    JJ says:

    Well, Carson, it’s neither a remake or a sequel, and aren’t those the only horror movies that get made now? Now, if it was retitled THE HITCHER 2: MURDER IN THE OK CORRAL or HILLS HAVE EYES 3: MUTANT RODEO, then maybe it’d have a chance! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06872780969179149381 martinb

    I disagree with Carson on this one. I thought RITES OF MEN dragged, the characters were poorly drawn, the relationships were unmotivated, there were too many coincidences, and the final fight not exciting. I give it a “meh.”

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08439555051697115476 Carson Reeves

    Ouch. Martin, coming in with the harsh review. :)

  • Anonymous

    What would have elevated LOW DWELLER to a very good script would have been a strong theme. The script had no theme that I could perceive.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06872780969179149381 martinb

    I’ll try to motivate my negative opinion of RITES OF MEN.

    This type of story is all about setups and payoffs, and in this script they were absent or they were too subtle for me. I like things spelled out plainly.

    Let’s review the story: Rett is divorced and living with his 16-year-old son Billy. He buys him an old car for his birthday. Billy drives the car to see his mother for Christmas, but never arrives. Some days later he is found dead in a field and the car is missing. The cops investigate but get no leads. Purely by chance, Brett sees his son’s car. Following up, and with some clues from his son’s elusive Goth girlfriend, he finds a love interest, and a meth lab on a farm. Alone, and armed only with a tire iron, he walks up to the farm buildings to confront whatever awaits him… and we are on page 70 and the action begins.

    Now, why didn’t Rett just tell the cops he’d found the meth lab, and let them get on with it? There was no urgency, no ticking clock that required him to act immediately. A few days’ delay would not be important. And what made him (and us) confident that he could handle himself? He didn’t know what he was walking into, so he had no idea what the odds were.

    There’s a clue in the title. RITES OF MEN. So this is something about being a man. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. So perhaps Rett is testing his courage by going forward alone. Which implies that somewhere there’s a setup that causes him to need to prove his manhood, or to redeem himself.

    The movie starts with Rett setting off a bottle rocket with his son. He calls his son “sport,” I find it grating, but perhaps it indicates familiarity. Then Rett visits a farm and gets a beat-up ’94 Civic from the grateful old farmer. Later we learn Rett owns a workshop, Jameson & Son, which is losing money, and the Civic is payment for a tractor-fixing debt. He has one faithful employee, the Latino Moy, who pops in and out of the story but serves no purpose except to receive Rett’s generosity.

    Rett gives his son Billy, a “young-looking” 16-yr-old, a leather jacket for his birthday. They go to a restaurant. Billy drinks Sprite. Rett toasts “to my favourite little shit-head. In a world of boys, a man. And in a world of men, a soldier.” WTF? This is a young kid. What has he done to justify this toast? Later at the workshop Rett says “put out your hand, soldier” and gives Billy the keys to the Civic. Again, the soldier reference comes out of the blue. Nothing to justify it.

    It’s two months later. Rett rents DVDs and Billy leaves him messages to pay the bills. Billy has a Goth girlfriend who drives an old Tercel with him in the bitch seat and who persuades him to get a buzz cut, which annoys Rett very much because he liked Billy’s curly hair. Billy doesn’t take this lying down. He accuses Rett of buying a zip-saw which he doesn’t need instead of paying the electricity bill. What a testosterone-laden family of soldiers!

    To page 10. Christmastime. Billy is worried because his Goth girlfriend Jess has disappeared. The IRS is after Rett. Things are tense between Rett and Billy. Billy wants Rett to pay the bills (it’s never established why Billy is so money-conscious) and live his own life, not hang around Billy. Billy sets off in his car to visit his mother for a brief Christmas visit. And disappears.

    On page 15 we meet another significant character, Detective Erik Jorgensen, 35, a man with an “armor-piercing stare” (best phrase in the whole script). This is the script’s last chance of redemption, because maybe if it becomes a pissing contest between Rett and Jorgensen as to who’s the tougher guy, subsequent events might make sense. But it doesn’t, or not much. There is a confrontation of sorts later, and Jorgensen is important in the finale, but there is nothing to tie them together to make it personal. [MORE]

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06872780969179149381 martinb

    [CONTINUED]
    Later we learn Brett was a Marine. But initially he’s just a good-natured schmuck, a second-rate workshop owner with a bookkeeper for a son that he is affectionate towards. No way is he going to tackle bad guys. The setup has failed, in my opinion.

    The script needed to start with a scene or two to show that Brett was still pretty macho (maybe even a touch crazy), and contemptuous of Billy because he wasn’t macho, so Billy would need to do something desperate to retain his father’s love. Against his better judgement he goes along with some insane scheme of Rett’s and it’s a disaster. (My idea: Rett uses the skyrockets from the first scene to make the Civic rocket-propelled for a stunt. Billy drives it front of the cheerleaders he wants to impress but he crashes and is flung out. The cheerleaders hoot with laughter. While lying in the gutter Billy meets Jess who thinks he’s cool — a bit of humour, a meet-cute and a trailer moment). Jorgensen does them a favour by “losing” the file (maybe the cheerleader was his daughter), thus saving Rett a lot of money and his business, and putting Rett in Jorgensen’s debt. If Jorgensen in turn is contemptuous of Rett’s parenting skills and macho posing, it sets up a nice dynamic where Rett would want to be a better cop than the cops to show up Jorgensen, and repay the debt by handing a drug bust to Jorgensen, and he’d need to redeem his guilt at pushing Billy so hard (arrange that Billy makes the trip because of his father), and we’d already know something of his combat skills, so taking on the bad guys single-handed wouldn’t surprise us.

    Or is this too cliched? I said I needed things spelled out.

    (Sorry I got carried away here. I’ll keep it shorter in future, promise.)

  • Anonymous

    Damn martin. Okay, now I have to read this.

  • Anonymous

    It was a cool read. Had a “No Country for Old Men” vibe too it in part. I can actually envision Josh Brolin as the lead. But towards the end it sort of went Tarintino on me with the blood letting of violence.

  • Anonymous

    SPOILER ALERT:

    For me the most interesting aspect of the script was when Rett discovers that Billy had been transporting meth. This plot point added another dimension to Billy’s character and another layer to Billy and Rett’s relationship (which Herman spends a considerable amount of time establishing) and sets up a wealth of questions and potential avenues to exploit real drama and emotions (none of this shoot ‘em up farm action and “reveal” about Carla). I find it extremely disappointing that we are never given any more insight into this situation (i.e. Why did Billy do it? Was it just for the money? Was he using the money to help Rett pay the bills? Does Rett blame himself knowing his son was illegally and dangerous aiding the Farm?) The answers to these questions could have enriched our appreciation of this father/son story.

    As for the title, Rites of Men. It seems to pertain more to Alfonso and Cesar’s sick fascination with making a “man” out of him than Rett and Billy’s relationship (which again is somewhat disappointing to learn.)

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