Genre: Thriller
Premise: After being kicked out of the Navy, a cocaine addict is forced to pilot a narco sub to the U.S. carrying one ton of cocaine.
About: This is the third sale from Dominic Morgan and Matt Harvey, who are starting to make a name for themselves in the action/thriller genre. Their scripts The Bridge and The Controller are both being made into films (by Simon West and James McTeigue respectively). Hyperbaric has landed Tomorrow Never Dies helmer, Roger Spottiswoode.
Writers: Dominic Morgan and Matt Harvey
Details: 94 pages

foto-taylor-kitsch-en-salvajes-2012-2-091

Taylor Kitsch for Conall?

You may not have seen many submarine movies lately. But that’s about to change. Studios are all developing their individual sub flicks for their once-every-five-years foray into the genre (or should I say SUB-genre – heh heh).

So why, with submarine films not being nearly as popular as they used to be, are studios still betting on them? Because they’re cheap! You only have to build one set. Also, unlike a lot of “single location” films, submarines aren’t stationary, which opens up many more story possibilities than, say, a group of people stuck in a bomb shelter.

And as long as we’re talking about submarine movies, I’m going to give you a free submarine idea to write yourself, since I’m never going to write it. You ready?

So a couple of years ago, the U.S. located two nuclear-armed Chinese subs hanging out a few miles off the East Coast. All you need to do is create a modern day “Cuban Missile Crisis” out of the situation. The U.S. spots some Chinese subs hiding off its shore. They send one of their subs to take them down. They hit one, but the other escapes. Tempers flare between the nations and in the meantime, you now have an angry rogue Chinese sub with nuclear capabilities off our coast.

Boom, count the billions. Just give me an associate producer credit.

Conall McGinty is an addict of the highest order. The guy will drink cooling fluid to get a buzz, and I’m not even sure that has alcohol in it. Conall’s biggest weakness though, is coke, and that’s what’s gotten him into his latest predicament.

Conall owes a gang of Mexicans thousands of dollars after snorting more cocaine than he sold. They were set to kill him until they found out he used to pilot subs in the Navy. This makes him a hot commodity on the homemade sub circuit – you know, those crazy motherfuckers who build their own subs to smuggle drugs into the U.S.

So a crazy beast of a man named Gamboa buys McGinty from the Mexcians in hopes that he can pilot 1 TON of cocaine (yes, you read that right, TON) to America. The two are joined by the sub’s creator, an OCD mad scientist type named Ethan Bellhaus.

When Ethan explains to Conall that his sub is made out of fiberglass, Conall nearly falls down laughing. That’ll barely get them 30 feet below sea level, a good 30 feet higher than they need to be to pull this off. Conall says that if they try to go any lower than that, the sub will collapse in on itself, but Ethan insists the sub can take it.

As they head to their destination, they’re bombarded with a series of obstacles: They’re chased by the coast guard, a 19 year old pregnant stowaway has snuck onto the ship, and at one point, the sub takes on so much water that it begins sinking. It’ll take every bit of skill Conall has to pull this off, which isn’t much, since we find out that Conall never even made it out of sub school.

Narco Sub Culture

The inside of a real narco sub!

I can’t stress this enough. If you want to sell a spec screenplay, this is the perfect way to go about it. Start with a marketable genre (Thriller), a marketable premise (submarine on the run), keep the action sparse and easy to read (Most action paragraphs here are 1-2 lines), have a low character count so it’s easy for the reader to remember who’s who without having to take notes (this is so important), and finally, make the concept cheap. Like I said at the outset, this is essentially a one location movie.

The nice thing about checking these boxes is that readers will be a lot less judgmental when reading your screenplay. One of the first things a reader asks himself after reading the premise is, “Would my boss want to turn this into a movie?” If the answer is “Yes,” they’re going to read your script with a favorable eye. When they see a lame choice, they’ll say, “That’s an easy fix.”

However, if your premise is boring or, worse, bad, readers are practically hunting for problems. The sooner they can discard your script, the sooner they can start skimming. Checking those boxes is kind of like having a magic shield over your script.

So I’m not surprised that Hyperbaric sold even though it’s far from perfect. For starters, the setup is flawed. You have this man who built this submarine, and yet they need someone else to pilot it? If you can build a submarine, don’t you have a fairly good idea of how to pilot it yourself?

I was willing to let this go but then there’s this entire day where Conall is chained up in the engine room while the sub floats along. If that doesn’t prove how little he’s needed, I don’t know what does.

The script also lacked urgency. There wasn’t a ticking time bomb on WHEN they needed to get to the U.S. by. Let me give you a script-related example of why that’s a big deal. One of the scenes in Hyperbaric had the engines dying. So Conall and Ethan had to go back to the engine room and fix them.

The scene plays like drying paint because there’s no reason for them to finish quickly. They can finish in 2 hours. They can finish in 2 days. It didn’t affect their mission either way. You can’t have that in a movie, especially in a thriller. You have to feel tension in every single scene. I recently heard a saying, “Your characters shouldn’t be able to sit down in the second act,” and it’s so true. If characters can “sit down” or hang out without anywhere they have to be, there’s a good chance there’s something wrong with the underlying structure of your screenplay.

But it wasn’t all bad. Morgan and Harvey did some interesting things with Conall, making him a coke-addict stuck on a tiny submarine with 1 ton of cocaine he can’t touch. That was a crafty choice.

And the script had some exciting sequences as well, such as the coast guard battle. I’m going to give you another tip here that ALWAYS WORKS in a movie. It doesn’t have a name so I’ll just call it the SET NUMBER TRICK.

What you do is you set a number that the heroes absolutely positively cannot go beyond. And then later in the script, you write a scene where they have no choice but to GO BEYOND that number. So here, Conall makes it clear that if this sub goes down to 50 feet below water, they’ll be crushed. However, when the coast guard starts dropping water grenades on them, their only chance for survival is to dive to 100 FEET! Since all of us know that that’s TWICE AS DEEP as this vessel is capable of diving, we feel an intense amount of fear for our characters when they perform the dive.

Hyperbaric is a perfectly conceived spec screenplay. I just wish its execution was a little more consistent. For those of you just starting out wanting to see how a saleable spec reads, though, you’ll want to find this one for sure.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Conveying distance is something a lot of writers ignore, which can kill the tension during an important moment. Say, for example, that you have one character spying an another character in a bookstore. If you don’t tell us how close the spyer is, we’re forced to guess, and we might guess wrong. Whereas you imagined your character to be just several feet away, we might think they’re all the way on the other side of the room, creating a much less exciting scene. So make sure to always convey this information. In Hyperbaric, there’s a scene where our sub is approached by the Coast Guard. And for a moment, I didn’t know if the Coast Guard was 30 feet away or 1 mile away. But then the writers say that our characters can “see the faces” of the Coast Guard. That immediately oriented me to how close (and therefore how dangerous) the Coast Guard boat was.

  • Orange Pop

    I’ll take a copy if anyone has it. Thanks!

    lordorangepop@yahoo.com

    • GYAD

      Same here: 13a769cf [at] opayq [dot] com

      • S.C.

        Sent!!

        • charliesb

          Me too please. birdieey at g mail dot com.

          • S.C.

            Sent!!!!

          • charliesb

            thx!

    • S.C.

      Sent!

      • shewrites

        May I have it as well as the Spy script S.C., please? o dot hodge at outlook dot com
        Many thanks!

        • S.C.

          Sent!!!!!

    • romer6

      Please, this one is right up my alley! I love submarine movies! If anyone can send it to me you´d make me very happy! romer6 at gmail dot com! Thanks in advance!

      • S.C.

        Sent!!!!!!

  • JR

    For the Scriptshadow 250 contest…

    If we already submitted a script by email… but now realize the script sucks… can we submit that one again? Or will that count as a second entry?

    I’m working on a different script as well, that’s why I’m curious… I wanted to focus on the other one but then went back to the submitted one and found areas that needed improvement.

    Does anyone know?

    • carsonreeves1

      Sure, just put “RE-SUBMIT” in the subject line.

  • S.C.

    I mentioned this when SICARIO was reviewed….

    Can there be any more scripts about narco subs or drug tunnels, or is too familiar now?

    Drug tunnels:

    FAST AND FURIOUS 4
    ACT OF VALOR
    A Tom Clancy book I can’t remember the name of
    DRUG TUNNEL (unproduced)
    SICARIO

    Narco-subs:

    NARCO SUB (David Guggenheim)
    HYBERBARIC
    Also Tony Scott was attached to a narco-sub script; it may have been this one or Guggenheim’s.

  • S.C.

    10 Submarine Movies!!!

    Crimson Tide

    Down Periscope

    The Enemy Below

    The Hunt for Red October

    Ice Station Zebra

    K-19: Widowmaker

    Operation Petticoat

    Run Silent Run Deep

    U-571

    Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea

    • GYAD

      To which I’d add MORNING DEPARTURE (1950), ABOVE US THE WAVES (1955), SHARKS AND LITTLE FISH (1957) and, the best of the lot, DAS BOOT (1981).

      • S.C.

        Morning Departure

        Above Us the Waves (full movie!)

        Sharks and Little Fish (full movie, in German!)

        Das Boot (full movie)

      • romer6

        Yes! Das Boot! I was looking all the way down for it. The best submarine movie of all time in my book. :)

        • S.C.

          There wasn’t room for DAS BOOT with DOWN PERISCOPE on the list.

      • brenkilco

        And a still enjoyable one that predates them all if you can buy Cary Grant as a sub commander DESTINATION TOKYO. Worst submarine movie? The miserable Frank Sinatra heist thriller ASSAULT ON A QUEEN.

        • S.C.

          OK, some more sub movies, but of mixed quality:

          Destination Tokyo

          Assault on a Queen

          Black Sea

          Assault on the Wayne (full movie!)

          The Abyss

          Leviathan (full movie in 10 parts)

    • Randy Williams

      I find You Tube often unfriendly and frustrating to navigate especially the full movie downloads are often just spam to get you to another web site. I wish you’d make a web site where I could just access full movies available on You Tube, maybe even with a search capability. Any way, thanks for all these links.

      • S.C.

        My advice is to get RealPlayer downloader (it’s free) and download any of these movies before they get taken down.

        I can watch these movies on my TV, and some of the quality is better than my old DVDs! Better than piracy, anyway.

        • Casper Chris

          Just because you get it off of YouTube, doesn’t mean it’s not piracy.

          • Eric

            You’ll notice many of these movies are manipulated. A superimposed shadow in some instances. With Crimson Tide, the speed appears to be slowed down. I actually can’t watch movies while noticing things like this, but I suspect it’s done to avoid detection by the copyright holder.

          • S.C.

            If you like the films, purchase them on DVD/Blu Ray.

            SOME can’t be bought that way (or not except for a lot of money).

            And a lot of people here probably don’t have a lot of money (I know I don’t).

            Also, some people may not be aware of some of these films (I didn’t know SHARKS AND LITTLE FISH until today) so it’s good to bring them to people’s attention. Thank you.

          • Eric

            Oh, I agree. I’m not anti-what you’re doing, and I’m flexible on issues related to piracy. I would never buy a movie just to check it out once, and many movies are difficult “rent” these days now that video stores are all but done.

            It does, however, fit the legal definition of piracy. Which I guess means I occasionally fit the legal definition of pirate.

            Argh, matey.

          • S.C.

            Sorry, I don’t if this took. No personal message this time. Here we go:

      • IgorWasTaken

        They have something like that. It’s called Netflix.

    • klmn

      One more.

      • brenkilco

        And the granddaddy of all submarine stories TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA. As a kid the title never made sense to me because I was pretty sure the ocean wasn’t that deep.

        • klmn

          Kirk Douglas fighting the giant squid was pretty awesome.

        • Caivu

          If you don’t know, the title refers to distance traveled, not depth.

          • brenkilco

            I didn’t know when I was nine. I’ve come to that conclusion since.

          • klmn

            Here’s Georges Melies take on submarines.

          • klmn

            And an earlier version of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (Long)

  • andyjaxfl

    re: Drying Paint in a thriller

    Urgency strikes me as Thriller Writing 101 and the writing team’s failure to exploit a situation that has chair gripping potential is the type of mistake you expect from a novice, not a pair of guys who’ve sold other scripts. Every great thriller/action film has a relentless pace with a palpable energy from scene to scene. How many times does John McClane stop to only smell the roses in the original Die Hard?

    • S.C.

      “[Alistair] MacLean’s books… have an absence of sex and most are short on romance because MacLean thought that such diversions merely serve to slow down the action.” Wikipedia

      However, there a few slow-down moments in Die Hard:

      The hostage-taking doesn’t take place for about twenty minutes – slow build.

      McClane pausing during a conversation because he thinks he hears a sound.

      McClane eating a thousand year-old twinkie.

      The bathroom speech that led Terry Gilliam to cast Willis in TWELVE MONKEYS.

      • andyjaxfl

        But how many of those mini-scenes from Die Hard present a serious problem that is casually addressed?

        Never knew that about the bathroom scene. Very cool stuff!

      • brenkilco

        For about twenty years Maclean was the king of adventure thrillers. Some of the first adult novels I read as a kid. Wonder if anybody reads him anymore.

        • S.C.

          I do.

          Ali Karim: I know one thing you share with Lee Child is that both of you read a lot of Alistair MacLean in your youth, so tell us a little about what the appeal of this Scottish Thriller was to you, and what were your favourite novels from his work?

          Denis Lehane: Alistair MacLean would always set up his books with a basic foundation in which not a single thing you learned would turn out, in the end, to be true. After you read a few of his books, you’d start to look for the twists, but you could rarely see them coming. For a twelve-year-old boy, this was heaven. Plus, a good half of his novels were set during World War II which I’ve always been fascinated by. WHERE EAGLES DARE is probably my favorite, though I love them all and he wrote like 30 or 35 of them. Another I loved was called—if memory serves—SOUTH BY JAVA HEAD.

          • brenkilco

            Really good writer. Very effective, terse style that screenwriters could probably learn from. Zebra, Dare, Navarone all good stuff. Liked to add mystery elements to his books. As a mystery plotter he was just so so. Prolific enough that he occassionaly used a pseudonym. Believe the movie The Satan Bug is based on a book of his written under another name. The quality of his later books declined and he eventually, sadly drank himself to death.

          • S.C.

            Towards the end, MacLean’s books had good concepts – a circus performer hired by the CIA to break into a prison by tightrope walking across a 300 foot power cable; The Golden Gate Bridge taken over by terrorists as the president’s motorcade crosses over – but the execution was not as strong. Too much talking, scenes occurring off-screen. Mind you, I learned just as much from reading the not-so-good ones as I did from reading the good ones.

            And both Howard Hughes and John Carpenter are fans of John Sturges’ ICE STATION ZEBRA.

            Full movies:

            WHEN EIGHT BELLS TOLL

            https://swarm.tv/t/yGr

            PUPPET ON A CHAIN

            CARAVAN TO VACCARES (poor quality)

            RIVER OF DEATH

            http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x27uz94_river-of-death-michael-dudikoff-full-movie_shortfilms

  • Doug

    Carson, that quote is:

    “Never let anyone sit down in the second act.”

    It’s from P.G.Wodehouse. I’ve got it sticky-taped to my computer monitor. It never lets me down.

    • S.C.

      I have sticky-tape over my webcam to stop Russian mobsters spying on me.

    • Murphy

      It does explain how ‘The Theory of Everything’ lost it’s way.

      • Dan B

        This was terrible, but funny. I laughed. Maybe I’m terrible.

  • Jack F.

    “Since all of us know that that’s TWICE AS DEEP as this vessel is capable of diving, we feel an intense amount of fear for our characters when they perform the dive.”

    Not to self: find ways to do this in a thriller and freak readers out. Check.

    • S.C.

      Set a rule then have the characters break that rule:

      From U-571 – going below crush depth:

      From Ghostbusters – crossing the streams:

      From Last Starfighter – activating DEATH BLOSSOM:

      and many more…

      • Dan B

        The classic, whatever you do don’t touch that red button… Until the time comes – okay touch the red button

    • shewrites

      Even better, write a script that hangs on that very concept like SPEED.

    • Bifferspice

      never cross the streams!

      • S.C.

        “That’s Death Blossom, a weapon of last resort.”

    • Jarman Alexander

      I would just say to be wary of this technique because it sticks out so clearly that it can put the reader way ahead of you, completely taking the suspense from the story, which is why you even did it in the first place.

      Best strategy is to come up with a creative way to bring it into the story, or have it create unexpected consequences. There’s nothing worse than reading saying “just hit the red button and problem solved” to yourself, and 3 pages later they finally hit the red button and the problem is solved.

      I started watching FANTASTIC VOYAGE (66) last night, and the scientist mapping out the route through the body said something like, “It will be a gentle ride. The only part that would give enough turbulence to be dangerous is the heart, but we won’t be going through there.”

      Now I haven’t started the second act yet, but I would bet everything I know about screenwriting that they are going to be forced to go through the heart, somewhere near the climax probably. I just hope they throw some interesting things in along the way and make the trip worth it.

      • Paul Clarke

        Sometimes you can be more subtle, especially if you show it and imply the danger. SERENITY comes to mind – The first action mission they rob the bank and run into the Reevers. Mal shoots a guy rather than leave him to the Reevers. This implies the danger of them and how badly they want to avoid them at all costs. Of course late second act and the only way forward is… you guess it, straight through the Reevers.

        Of course if you want to make a point of it and really freak people out it can work in dialogue – “Clarice, whatever you don, don’t let Dr. Lecter into your head.” (can’t remember the exact wording, sorry). Of course the only way she’s getting in info is to do that.

  • S.C.

    On WHAT I LEARNED and distance:

    FLASH GORDON (1980) production illustrator Mentor Huebner:

    ”even the most talented writers forget simple time and space problems when they are concentrating on the dramatic instead of the visual end of the story. At one point, we used a 175-foot-long set with Ming’s throne constructed at one end: Flash was to crash his rocket at the opposite end, go through a corridor, and up the stairs to the throne. I got the screenplay and found the landing scene described as ’Flash Gordon staggers out of his crashed rocket and says to Ming – “Oh, yeah?” The two actors are 175 feet apart! I blocked out a series of shots with various angles and quick takes to signify a short passage of time, just to bring Ming and Flash together. It was nothing sensational, just necessary for the story flow.”

  • Randy Williams

    I was with a friend on a dark beach one night. This was during a time, as you mentioned, news reports had subs lurking off our shores. The Coast Guard was conducting some type of drill just off our beach. Strangely, all their vessels were facing the beach.

    My friend commented that because they’re all facing the beach, and not the sea, that they’re not practicing preventing some type of intrusion, they must be practicing to prevent us from escaping the land! The horror!!

    No — I told him– they’re in the position they would normally be in.
    A front row seat to you and me being blown to smithereens as enemy subs launch missiles at us.

    • Michael

      Was your friend female and were you watching the submarine races? ;-)

  • cjob3

    “SUB genre.” Classic.

  • Eddie Panta

    I like Carson’s Submarine idea… but as a comedy remake of: The Russians are Coming.. The Russians are Coming.

    A stoner surfer spots a N. Korean nuclear sub off the coast of Malibu, but no one will believe him.

    It would give Sony another chance to go up against the North Korean hackers “Guardians of Peace”.

    Re: Spec Sale Secret Weapon
    IF you want a spec script to sell, all you need to do is pitch a premise of a film from the 80’s and then just say: But with Melissa McCarthy.

    • brenkilco

      “.. a film from the 80’s and then just say: But with Melissa McCarthy.”

      Please, not Blue Velvet.

      • Eddie Panta

        It’s the silver bullet, it works with anything…

        It goes like this, first you get in the room with the studio that owns the rights and then you say: It’s like BODY HEAT. ( long pause) But with Melissa McCarthy.

        Trust me, it works every time.

        • Nicholas J

          Cujo.

    • S.C.

      From Tracking Board:

      Title: UNTITLED FEMALE CITY SLICKERS PROJECT
      Logline: Kept under wraps but pitched as a female driven take on “City Slickers”.

      Don’t know much else about it, or if it’s still in development.

      I don’t know if you’re joking, Eddie, but I’m being serious; reworking old successes is the best idea for a spec sale. Even The Black List last year was full of reworkings of DEMON SEED, SINK THE BISMARCK and others.

      • Eddie Panta

        I never make jokes.

      • S.C.

        From last year’s Black List:

        ROTHCHILD = KIND HEARTS AND CORONETS
        A young, well-educated loner kills the members of his mother’s
        estranged family one-by-one in hopes that he will inherit the
        family’s vast fortune.

        SITUATION COMEDY = PLEASANTVILLE
        A young woman, feeling directionless, stumbles upon a mysterious courtyard where she is transported into a sitcom-like universe, becoming a major character on this “TV show.”

        TAU = DEMON SEED
        A woman held captive in the futuristic smart house of a serial kidnapper realizes that her only hope of escape lies in turning the house’s sentient computer against its creator.

        ECHO = GOOD KILL(?)
        A CIA drone coordinator battles his own psychological health while trying to decipher whether his wife has been replaced.

        MOONFALL = MURDER ON THE MOON (stretch – little-remembered Brigitte Nielsen TV movie)
        The investigation of a murder on a moon colony.

        THE LONG HAUL = OVER THE TOP WITHOUT ARM WRESTLING
        A self-destructive trucker estranged from his son travels cross country with a problematic nephew whom he barely knows.

        HUNTSVILLE (terrible, unoriginal logline)
        A girl tracks down the man responsible for her father’s death and avenges him.

        IN THE DEEP = 50% OPEN WATER
        A lone surfer attacked by a shark and stranded on a reef must find a way back to shore before succumbing to her injuries.

        CELERITAS = THE END OF INTERSTELLAR(?)
        When a missing astronaut crash lands forty years after he launched having not aged a day, his elderly twin brother helps him escape the NASA scientists hunting him. As the government closes in, neither brother is who they claim to be.

        BISMARCK = SINK THE BISMARCK
        As Britain struggles through the darkest hours of World War II, a naval officer, raw from the loss of his ship during the evacuation of Dunkirk, is thrust into the thick of the hunt for the Nazi superbattleship, Bismarck. Based on a true story.

        BOSTON STRANGLER = THE BOSTON STRANGLER (I see what they did there)
        In the 1960s, a determined detective puts his life and career on the line to solve the case of the Boston Strangler.

        GIFTED = LITTLE MAN TATE
        A thirty year old man attempts to continue raising his deceased sister’s seven year old daughter, a kid-genius, while battling his own mother for custody.

        MANCHESTER-BY-THE-SEA = THE LONG HAUL WITHOUT TRUCKS (see above)
        An uncle is forced to take care of his teenage nephew after the boy’s father dies.

        COFFEE & KAREEM = COP AND A HALF (fuck!)
        An overweight, foul-mouthed nine year old reluctantly teams with the straight edge cop sleeping with his mom to take down Detroit’s most ruthless drug lord.

        MY FRIEND DAHMER = JEFFREY DAHMER (with Jeremy Renner)
        Based on the acclaimed graphic novel by John Backderf, Jeffrey Dahmer struggles with a difficult family life as a young boy and during his teenage years he slowly transforms, edging closer to the serial killer he become.

        THE BEAUTIFUL GAME = GREGORY’S GIRL (stretch)
        A high school soccer star’s personal life becomes complicated leading up to his championship game as he develops a relationship with his soccer coach.

        THE WILDE ONES = FIGHT CLUB (stretch)
        In a corrupt Southern town, a dangerous sociopath runs bareknuckle boxing fights that pit its youths against each other.

        “Nothing new under the sun” The Bible

        • Randy Williams

          Good job.
          I loved “Situation Comedy” but nowhere does it equal “Pleasantville”

    • Midnight Luck

      REPO MAN……but with Melissa McCarthy
      you’re right, it does work!
      swap out Emilio Estevez for McCarthy and you have GOLD!

      BREAKIN’ 2: ELECTRIC BUGALOO…..but with Melissa McCarthy
      Breakdancing with Melissa would be awesomely hilarious…..!

      They really knew how to make amazing and relevant films in the ’80’s, just look at this Preview:

      • Eddie Panta

        Another good one from CANNON… You’re cherry picking now.

        • Midnight Luck

          THE SURE THING……but with Melissa McCarthy
          INDECENT PROPOSAL…..but with Melissa McCarthy

          (I remember reading a book where they talked about what Indecent Proposal would have been like had they cast someone like Danny DeVito in the role as the rich lethario instead of Robert Redford. They went into a long talk about what attractiveness meant, the image consciousness of America and Hollywood, etc. Well what if, instead of swapping out Robert Redford for DeVito, you swapped Demi Moore, the “sexual” center of the movie for Melissa McCarthy? What would audiences think?)

      • klmn

  • IgorWasTaken

    Carson wrote:

    And the script had some exciting sequences as well, such as the coast
    guard battle. I’m going to give you another tip here that ALWAYS WORKS
    in a movie. It doesn’t have a name so I’ll just call it the SET NUMBER
    TRICK.

    What you do is you set a number that the heroes absolutely
    positively cannot go beyond. And then later in the script, you write a
    scene where they have no choice but to GO BEYOND that number.

    It should be called a “Scotty” —

    • S.C.

      God bless that man!

  • IgorWasTaken


    (sorry for the sorta double post; Youtube coding issues. Now I can’t delete this video.)

  • S.C.

    OT: Any thoughts on pitchfests?

  • Nicholas J

    Hey guys, I seem to be having computer issues. I signed on looking for the ScriptShadow comments section, but all I’m finding is the ScottCrawford comments section. Please advise.

    • S.C.

      Thanks for that.

      I’m gone. Please ask Nicholas if you want today’s script.

      Bye-bye.

      • Nicholas J

        Scott, I’m just messing with you. I make jokes. Nice to meet you.

        • S.C.

          My name is Scott Crawford and I suffer from depression and anxiety.

          I’m taking medication and learning to cope with it, but I lose my temper quite frequently. I often think the whole world is out to get me.

          I’m sorry for flying off the handle, it’s just that the main reason for me sticking around (in between other things) is to see if anyone wanted the script. I do post too much, and I thought it was a criticism.

          Oh fuck it, let’s forget about it!

          I’ve posted plenty, hopefully there’s lots for people to talk about. But seriously, I’ve got a script to write and it doesn’t write itself.

    • Eddie Panta

  • S.C.
  • Bacon Statham

    I gave up on this one quite early on and I don’t know why. I didn’t find it bad or boring or anything like that, I guess I just didn’t have the time and forgot all about it.
    Speaking of submarine films, I’m looking forward to Hunter Killer by Antoine Fuqua and starring Gerard Butler (last I heard anyway). I wouldn’t mind reading the script.

  • S.C.

    Leave an email address or send an email to mr.scottcrawford @ hotmail (that’s me) and I’ll let you have a copy.

    • JakeBarnes12

      Hey Scott, can I hit you up for a read?

      cardinallemoine74 at yahoo dot com

      And you are MUCHO appreciated around here, my friend, so don’t let some gentle kidding faze you.

      • S.C.

        Sent!

        I need to cool down and be careful what I post. Nicholas has got a sly sense of humor and I should have remembered that. Don’t worry.

        • JakeBarnes12

          Thanks, man!

  • S.C.

    Sent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  • S.C.

    Sent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  • Poe_Serling

    Sub flicks can be a lot of fun and quite exciting if done right. What I’ve Learned from watching my share of these underwater adventures:

    There’s already a built-in tension in these type of stories. Whenever you stuff a bunch of people (characters) into a tight space with no real exits, all you need is the right match (the inciting incident) to ignite the thrust of your plot and produce some genuine conflict within the simmering human dynamics of the situation.

  • S.C.

    Sent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Ninjaneer

    “You have this man who built this submarine, and yet they need someone else to pilot it?”

    It makes sense to me. It’s probably easier to find/train someone to pilot the DIY sub than the design/make them.

    For my senior project I wanted to design/build a submarine but my professor wisely rejected that idea stating that he didn’t want us to die :) so we made an unmanned ROV instead.

  • I WRITE FILMS

    CAN SOME1 EMAIL ME THIS SCRIPT PLEASE. I_WRITE_FILMS AT AOL.COM

  • Levres de Sang

    “We’ll have a look at that engine fixing scene, add some stakes.” Great to see a spec-sale author chiming in! (Dominic certainly knows his submarines!)

  • Nicholas J

    I hate remakes as much as the next person, but when I see something unique with this much vision and character, it’s hard to be cynical. I’ll be there opening night.

  • mulesandmud

    Holding strong at 99% on Rotten Tomatoes. The word ‘masterpiece’ is getting thrown around an awful lot.

    I’ve been waiting for this one a long time. Carson better clear the schedule for Monday; we’ll have some serious work to do.

  • ThomasBrownen

    Congrats Dominic, and it’s really cool that you stopped by to say hi!

  • HRV

    Definitely looking forward to seeing this one.

  • Kimberly

    So is there a way to read the script?

  • S.C.

    Thanks, Dominic. Sorry I didn’t recognize you at first!

    Scott Crawford

  • HRV

    Is “bonded” to mean “bound” in your premise?

  • Levres de Sang

    Absolutely! It really is the place to be!

  • HRV

    Marcos, I read your script. I began taking notes then realized, with all the corrections it needs, I would be rewriting it. One can definitely see that English is not your first language — it’s not just the typos, but the way things are said. On top of that is the controversial subject matter. I realize the world is becoming a very liberal place, with Europe ahead of the U.S. in that respect, but you’re catering to a limited market. I also got no sense of an actual story with a beginning, middle, end, but more of section pulled out of a story. Keep working at it and definitely find someone who can help you with translation.

    • Marcos Vaz

      you are right. i m trying to find someone can help me improve the writing. The subject matter it is controversial, and few people felt bad after reading it… But i got someone that is interested in filming it, so i guess is not a lost cause after all. The story itself doesn’t have a begining and end, just a revelation that leads to a conclusion.. that is why i made as short film.. the original tale was too long but wasn’t a feature film script, was something in between and had to be chooped down.
      thanks anyway HRV!