Genre: Thriller
Premise: A boy on the run in the endless Montana forest teams up with a smokejumper to escape two evil brothers intent on killing him.
About: This is based on the successful novel of the same name. The author of the novel, Michael Koryta, wrote the original screenplay adaptation. Then Charles Levitt was brought in (In the Heart of the Sea). And finally, in an indication that the producers felt they had something special, the ultra-expensive Taylor Sheridan (Sicario). This is his draft.
Writers: Taylor Sheridan (previous drafts by Michael Koryta and Charles Levitt), based on the novel by Michael Koryta
Details: 92 pages
The following is a phone call I received 14 years ago.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Carson? My name is Script Maven. I’m calling to make you an offer.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not interested—“
“Wait! Before you hang up. What if I told you that I could offer you two of the best villains that have ever been written for your next screenplay.”
“Uh-huh. What else are you offering? A screenwriting Academy Award?”
“Oh no, Carson. This is real. I have two villains who are so nasty people will be talking about them for years, decades even. They have names ready to go – Jack and Patrick.”
“Listen pal. I’m currently working on my masterpiece right now. A little script called Tom and Andy Build an Opera House. I clearly don’t need any help on the screenwriting front.”
“Carson, this is the last time I can offer you this. These characters will change your life. Studios will pay you 7 figures on a routine basis to fix their villain characters after this movie comes out.”
“Uh-huh. Nice try. Go sell your snake oil somewhere else, Script Maven. You’re the real villain here. A time-stealing villain. Seeya!”
Up until today, I never felt bad about giving up on that phone call. But the chickens have finally come home to roost. Through dedication and sheer force of will, Script Maven has sold his two villain characters. To these three writers. Because Jack and Patrick very well might be two of the best villains in history.
40 year old Owen is a forensic analyst. And he just found something out that could implicate huge swaths of the government. For this reason, Owen grabs his 12 year old son, Connor, and heads out of the city. What’s going on, his son asks. Owen says that men will be coming to kill him. They need to get far away then find access to a TV station so he can reveal the information he has to the world. That’s the only way they live.
Meanwhile, we meet Hannah. In addition to being the most common name for female protagonists, Hannah is a smokejumper. She goes into forest fires and helps get stranded people out. Except, recently, she made a terrible error which ended up killing three kids. Haunted by this mistake, she now does time in remote fire towers. It keeps her away from reality.
Finally, we meet Jack and Patrick. Sociopath brothers from hell. These nasty assassins were hired by the government to find Owen and kill him. And since Owen is with his son, kill him too. They successfully track them to Montana and shoot out their car in the middle of a hilly forest. Owen dies but Connor survives, darting into the trees.
Jack and Patrick realize that this is going to be harder than they thought. Lots of locals will need to become collateral damage. And since we can’t have a small town in the middle of nowhere all of a sudden have a 50,000% increased murder rate without drawing suspicion, the two do what any kind thoughtful brothers would do. They start a forest fire to wipe out all the people they’re going to kill.
Of course, that means Connor isn’t just running from these men. He’s running from a forest fire. Which is why he’s lucky he’s run into Hannah. I mean, if there’s one person you want to run into when you have a forest fire on your heels, it’s this woman. And she’s got something to prove considering the last time she was responsible for three children, they died a horrible fiery death.
But what Hannah is about to learn is that, for the first time in her profession, it isn’t the fire that’s the biggest danger. It’s these freaking psycho brothers – two maniacs who will stop at nothing to kill both Connor and her. Which means that, for once, she will have to use the fire as an ally.
Jack and Patrick are the stars of this movie. That’s my takeaway. The moment that sold me was after kidnapping the local sheriff to help them navigate the woods to find Hannah and Connor, Patrick tells the sheriff, after this is done, I’m going to kill you and your wife. The only thing in question is whether I do it fast or slow. If you do everything I say, I’ll make it fast.
These villains don’t even have the pretense to lie. Usually, you tell people what they want to hear (“If you do everything I say, I’ll let you live”) so they help you. These two don’t operate under that rule set. Their rule set is murder and destruction. Everything else is secondary.
My feeling is that if you write a hero we love or a villain we hate, it’s impossible to get below a “worth the read.” Because in both instances, the reader desperately wants something – for either the hero to win or the villain to fail. And they’ll read your whole script to see if that happens.
Now if you happen to write a hero we love AND a villain we hate, you’re probably in “impressive” territory. Even with a so-so plot, you’ve got your reader on a string via the two most important components of the story.
And I liked what these writers did with the hero – Hannah. I’ve realized there are two approaches you can take with your hero. You can make them the WORST possible people for the situation they’re in. Or you can make them the BEST. Both bring valuable assets to the screenwriting table.
If your hero is the worst person for the problem, every stage of the journey is difficult. And difficulty = drama. That’s where all the fun is. Drama. But there’s something fun about a character who’s perfectly suited for the problem as well, as Hannah is here. I think it’s because we enjoy seeing an expert operate in their field of expertise, especially when it’s something as theatrical as forest fires. We *want* to see all her little tricks she’s perfected in how to use the fire to her advantage.
Yet here is where Those Who Wish Me Dead fell short of impressive territory. While we get to see some of Hannah’s knowledge on display. We don’t get to see nearly enough. In fact, the final act can be SOOOOO much better than it is here. We need to lean ALL IN on the fire. Not halfway in.
It’s not rocket science. Figure out what’s unique about your premise then go ALL IN on that. What’s unique here is the firefighting aspect. So you don’t go 60% on the fire stuff in the end. You need to go 160%. Not only is that going to make the movie better. But it’s going to make your protagonist better. Seeing her work her fire wizardry is going to make us like her more.
Because Hannah’s got a high bar to live up to with these villains. Something always feels off if your villains are way more equipped than your heroes or vice versa.
I’ve been thinking a lot since finishing this script – what makes these villains so memorable compared to others? Cause most of the time, our brothers are just nasty. We’ve seen nasty villains before. What I realized was that, normally, we get a single sociopath villain. Which makes sense. He’s a sociopath. He’s isolated. He does his own thing. Two sociopathic brothers *who care about each other* offers something new. Because it directly contradicts the definition of being a sociopath.
Well, that and they’re both terrifying as hell.
This script came close to getting an impressive. But it ain’t going to get there until they ramp up this climax to a thousand.
Still a good script though! Sheridan continues his hot streak (no pun intended).
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: The perfect balance for heroes and villains is that the villains should always be a little bit more capable than the hero. The reason for that is you want it to seem hard to defeat the villain. If your hero is clearly more capable than them, there’s no suspense. We already know they’re going to prevail.
