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Genre: Period Fantasy/Adventure
Premise (from writer): After years of work, noted alchemist Isaac Newton has finally discovered a working formula for the legendary Philosopher’s Stone. But when it’s stolen by a secret society with nefarious intent, he’ll have to team with his arch-rival Robert Hooke to take it back and prevent a plot that would change the course of England’s history.
Why You Should Read (from writer): I’ve been lurking here for some time, reading your articles and the Amateur Friday submissions, and I figure it’s finally time to get in on this thing. My script puts many of your favorite elements front and center: a creative twist on a public domain figure, a clear goal, and high stakes that are tied directly to the main character’s hopes, dreams, and flaws. — Isaac Newton spent at least as much time on alchemy as he did on the work we remember him for, and this script lays out a “What If” scenario: what if Isaac Newton succeeded in his obsessive quest for the Philosopher’s Stone? I did my research and, using Newton’s actual beliefs and the urban legends of some of the smartest men who have ever lived, I’ve attempted to craft a big, fun romp of a movie. I want to know if I’ve succeeded.
Writer: Jake Disch
Details: 118 pages
One of the biggest mistakes I run into when I read these public domain-driven screenplays, is the writer resting too heavily on the shock factor of a well-known literary celebrity doing something unexpected. So, for example, someone will write a script where Huckleberry Finn is a werewolf. Or Cinderella is a robot in space. And they believe that just because they did that cool unexpected thing, that their job is done. Like, “We’re geniuses, we can go home now.”
In that sense, a public domain script is no different from a flashy concept. The flash of the concept always wears out quickly (usually within 15 pages). Once that shock honeymoon period is over, are you able to actually tell a story? And by that I mean something with a compelling goal, something with multiple strong characters, something that keeps you guessing, something with mystery and suspense and intrigue.
Today’s script is the first time I’ve seen someone write a fully fleshed-out public domain script as opposed to just shocking us with Pinocchio as a zombie and then phoning it in for the final 90 pages.
As the logline informed us, The Last Alchemist follows 28 year-old college professor Isaac Newton, who, in this story, is an obsessive alchemist. He purposefully bores his students to death so they won’t show up for class, so he can spend more time on his alchemy.
And that extra time pays off. Using the power of elemental mish-mash (that’s what I call it, at least), Newton’s created the elusive Philosopher’s Stone, which is said to have many different powers, one of which includes bringing the dead back to life.
No sooner does he create this stone, than a naughty thug of a gentleman steals it from him. And if that’s not bad enough, he takes Isaac’s best friend, John Wickins, too! This forces Newton to do what he hates most, interact with the world, and he teams up with Wickins’ girlfriend, Martha Clarke, to go and find his friend and creation.
Also tagging along is fellow professor and Newton’s nemesis, Robert Hooke. The three head off to some noted alchemists to see what the alchemy underground is rumor-mongering about. This leads them to something called the Royal Society, where we finally meet our villain, Dee.
Dee loves him some philosopher’s stone because it will allow him to animate an army of automatons. And when you have an army of automatons at your fingertips, you can do anything you want. Even win Powerball (You just get all the automatons to buy ten tickets each). But when Dee loses the stone, he’ll have to get chummy with Newton to make another one. And while Newton may be an introverted dorkimus, he can be a handful when you get up in his stones.
I always encourage you guys to take chances. And Jake takes a big one. Early on, we learn that Newton and his friend Wickins are lovers. Placing a gay character at the center of your summer-tent-pole screenplay is a huge gamble. And that gamble really paid off.
Just as I was saying that public domain mash-ups can’t be shock-value only, the risky story choices you make can’t solely be for shock value either. It smells of desperation and never resonates. (spoiler) Wickins and Newton’s relationship isn’t just there to shock you. Their relationship plays into one of the bigger twists in the movie. And that’s what I really liked about Jake. He didn’t just make tough choices, he expanded on them.
Another thing I loved was the unique make-up of our team. Usually in movies, your team consists of the selfish guy, the strong-willed woman, and you writing a bunch of squabbling between them with major sexual tension underneath. When I see that, I know I’m either dealing with a newbie writer or a boring writer.
The Last Alchemist has a totally different make-up for its team. The man our heroes are trying to save, John Wickens, is someone they’re both in love with. That one change created a different vibe than I’m used to when reading these types of scripts. But then Jake took it a step further, pulling Newton’s dickhead nemesis in to provide an EXTRA layer of conflict. I’m always amazed when a writer can discover new avenues inside old formulas, and Jake clearly does that.
He’s also good at making all of his characters unique. I was just explaining to a newbie writer recently that his two main characters acted and sounded exactly the same. They were both white males, both businessmen, both confident, both ladies’ men. So I couldn’t tell them apart when they spoke.
There are a lot of ways to avoid that, but one of the easiest ways is to make them speak differently. Give them different speech patterns, different vocabulary, different subjects they key in on, different philosophies. What’s great about this script is when Newton speaks, you know it’s Newton. You don’t need his character name to tell you. He’s always stopping in the middle of his sentences. He adds an annoying “erm” a lot, whenever he’s stuck. He takes a little longer to get to his point. He FEELS DIFFERENT. And if you want to be taken seriously as a screenwriter, that’s something you want to pay attention to and get good at. Cause it makes a big difference.
My one issue with the script is that it starts to feel like it’s on rails, meaning we get into a pattern and become too comfortable as observers. Go to Person A, he tells us to go to Person B. Go to Person B, he tells us to go to Person C. And so on and so forth. Sometimes you have to throw a curve ball at your plot. Instead of letting your characters easily go from one section to the next, have them get to a section and it’s not there. Or something stops them from getting there in the first place. The classic example of this is in the original Star Wars when Luke, Han, and Obi-Wan try to get to Alderran, and when they get there, it’s blown to bits.
But it goes to show how strong the character work was here. Cause usually that mistake will doom a script for me. But since I liked these characters so much, I was more forgiving of the predictable plot. This is a great way to start the year. Nice job, Jake!
Screenplay link: The Last Alchemist
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Not all verbs create the same image in a reader’s head. If your character stabs someone, and you follow that with, “Blood blooms from the wound,” you need to know that that looks and feels different in the reader’s head than, “Blood gushes from the wound.” Put some thought into which verb best describes the image you want in your reader’s head and go with that verb.
