Today we’re going to do something different. There have been lots of writers submitting their scripts for Amateur Offerings but for reasons you’ll see in a moment, their scripts didn’t make the cut. The more I thought about this, the more I realized tons of writers go on making these same submission mistakes wherever they go, and no one ever tells them why their script or query is rejected. Therefore, they never get better and eventually give up. I want to change that today. I’d love it if you guys could explain to these writers why their submissions aren’t getting any traction. I’m hoping for a helpful and encouraging vibe, not an “Oh my God, you’re an idiot” vibe. Despite that, we’ll still be voting. I plan to review the winner next week. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be wrong and one of these scripts will be awesome. That would make my week. Good luck! :)
Remember, you can submit your own script to challenge your peers by sending me an e-mail (carsonreeves3@gmail.com) with your TITLE, GENRE, LOGLINE, WHY YOU THINK IT DESERVES A SHOT, and a PDF of the screenplay. A good review tends to get writers some industry contacts. So who knows, maybe you’ll be the next “The Last Alchemist.” Keep’em coming!
Title: Kill easy
genre: serial killer, thriller
logline: a teenage girl whose parents are murdered is going on the road to kill serial killers, retaliating for her lost childhood getting help from another serial killer, finding out this comes with prices to get payed.
wysr: I was reading in the book of blake snyder about the importance of killer titles and killer hooks. It inspired me to write a story about killing, changing the perspective and let the ‘victim’ do the bad things. I followed the blake snyder beat sheet to the letter just to see if it works for me. I liked writing this very much and I hope you like it as well. Sorry for my misspellings, I did my best.
I consider myself as a close to semi pro writer considering the fact that an other screenplay I wrote now is being finished to go into production in my country. Unclear is if it will be really happening. I ‘m a regular visitor of this site since a couple of months and have learned mega. Wishing you all the best and keep writing.
Title: Ski Furious
Genre: Action & Adventure
Logline: Female FBI agent rookie Ryan Coolridge infiltrates the world of extreme skiing looking for a group of skiers pulling off truck robberies on mountain roads.
Why you should read: This script I wrote over the weekend so it’s super fresh. Now that either means it’s terrible, genius or has promise. You can download and decide. The logline looks familiar – think The Fast and The Furious and Point Break but I throw in some twists and turns. I hope I make to Amateur Friday!
Title: Untitled Sci-Fi
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: A cold, orders first soldier is sent with a team into the quarantined city of Chicago to retrieve his estranged sister who may have found a cure for the VAIL, an alien virus that destroyed Chicago and turned its inhabitants into vicious monsters.
Why: In your review of “Unmanned” you talked about searching for a sci-fi that got to the premise, put a spin on the genre, and was willing to take chances — here you go. As for me, regular reader of the site, student of writing for many years. This is my culmination of several scripts, learning from a few different teachers, and failing, a lot. You want original, engaging sci-fi, this is your chance to get exactly that. Also, getting an idea for a title would be pretty f**king cool, too.
Title: Nuclear Solution
Genre: I’d describe it as ‘Light-hearted action’, but since that’s not a real genre, you decide.
Logline: After absolutely ruining the job they were hired to do, the protagonists have to tie up a loose end to avoid getting the blame for it.
Something interesting: Well, this is my third screenplay. Hope it’s not too amateur-ish for you. I put a lot of work into it, and I’ve gotten good reviews from people I know. So I’m hesitant, I really wanna know what someone who doesn’t know me and won’t act nice to me would think of it.
Title: MINDER
Genre: Dramatic psychological thriller.
Logline: After a traumatic experience places them together, a young woman, fearful of large dogs, agrees to watch a stranger’s aged dog. When she tries to find the stranger to give it back, her search becomes a dangerous and heartbreaking journey of self-discovery.
WYSR: I lost a pet recently. I went to a local pound to maybe adopt another. They say don’t look the dogs in the eyes at first. They may take it as a threat. Just stand close, let them feel you out. If the body language appears relaxed, then meet eyes with them. But it’s almost impossible. We communicate so much by meeting eyes. I could not do it. Besides, the looks from the dogs, one after the other, resigned to their fate, checked out totally or gone looney. So little hope. It was just overwhelming. So, I gravitated to those dogs who were blind. Found comfort in them.
And that day, with that experience, this story came to me.
It’s short for the time crunched AOW reader. It’s sweet. It has a girl and a boy who are meant to be together and life is cruel but does give them their moment.
It has a girl and a dog instead of a boy and a dog. It has grit and fight from both of them.
I did some cover art for it because I just couldn’t get that damn title centered on the page.
