A quick reminder to get those entries in for Amateur Action Showdown and Amateur Holiday Showdown. For more details on the showdowns and how to submit, go here.
Genre: Thriller
Premise: Upon landing for her business trip in a personal s@#%-storm, a woman climbs into the wrong Lyft and finds herself at the mercy of an unknown driver.
Why You Should Read: After grabbing a Lyft from the chaos that is JFK on a Friday night, the thought of “what if this wasn’t my ride” hit like a sledgehammer. Drowsy after a six-hour flight. In the dark trying to spot license plates that all look the same, maybe a number or letter off from one another. This easily could not be my ride, and if it isn’t, who is this guy driving me? Does anyone know I’m in this guy’s car, at this moment? Or am I lost, potentially forever if the driver so desires? (there was more to this WYSR but I had to cut it short for the review – too long).
Writer: Walon Costello
Details: 85 pages (this is an updated drafted from last week)
This last Amateur Showdown had some voting issues that I don’t want to get too caught up in. There were votes cast that ended up not being legit and after talking to everyone involved, it seemed like an honest misunderstanding of the rules. Still, the tally for the first (Palomino) and second (Lifted) highest voted scripts was close enough that I decided to read the first page of each to decide on which one to review.
I liked both first pages equally and therefore I had to go to secondary criteria, which was page count. “Lifted” was 86 pages and “Palomino” was 116 pages. Also, I was familiar with Walon and the strong potential of his previous script, Grisly. That’s why I went with Lifted.
With that out of the way, let’s get into the plot!
When we meet 30 year old Liz Baker, she’s landing at Denver International Airport. Seconds after she touches down, she does what everyone else does, which is turn on their phones and start checking their messages. The first text she sees is from a guy she’s hooking up with later. The second text she receives is from her husband, Jerry.
While in the shuttle to her hotel, she calls Jerry, who’s extremely mad. We quickly learn that the two have recently separated and that Jerry wants reconciliation. When Liz explains to him that that’s not going to happen, seemingly for the umpteenth time, Jerry’s anger escalates. And, at the end of the conversation, he apologizes for what he’s about to do.
Within minutes, Liz starts receiving urgent messages from everyone. It turns out Jerry has posted nude photos of Liz on her Facebook page. Liz gets dropped off at her hotel and is so overwhelmed by the situation, she doesn’t think twice about getting in a Lyft car to go meet her new man. After calling work and trying to explain the situation to her boss, Liz is already five minutes into the ride. When she senses that the driver is acting weird, she confirms their pickup details, which it turns out are wrong. This isn’t her Lyft car. That’s okay, the driver, David, says. Sometimes this happens. He’ll still bring her to her destination, the Art Hotel.
While Liz tries to manage the naked pictures fallout on her phone, David keeps interrupting her, wanting to chat. He wants to know where she’s from, what she’s doing here, and why she seems so upset. Distracted, Liz is barely able to answer his questions. The more David talks, the sketchier he sounds, so Liz downgrades Operation Naked Picture Fallout, and prioritizes Operation Who the F&*% Is This Dude? When David misses their exit, she’s convinced he’s going to kill her.
The funny thing is, he never does anything *that* bad. There are plenty of suspicious actions, but they all seem to have an explanation. For example, when she can’t seem to open her window, he proves to her the back windows are broken. So is this guy actually dangerous? Or is Liz being paranoid.
In the script’s best moment, we arrive at the hotel. It turns out David REALLY WAS just driving her there. And there’s still 30 pages to go! Liz stumbles into the hotel to meet her hot online crush, says to give her a moment to put herself together and then come meet her in their hotel room. There’s only one problem. Good old Jerry is waiting for her in the room. And now she truly is in danger.
The “stuck inside a taxi” concept is not new. It’s been around for a long time. Since ride-sharing became a thing, I’ve seen many people cover this concept from that angle as well. And that’s not to say it’s a stale idea. Being stuck in a car with any type of conflict is a compelling situation when done well. Recent Black List script Daddio comes to mind.
But the writing has to be sharp since you’ve only got two characters, a small space, and a lot of time to fill. Your plotting and dialogue have to be on point. I was looking forward to Lifted, especially after Grisly. But there were a handful of problems at the conceptual stage that kept this from meeting its potential.
First let me say that Walon’s approach to the story looked good on paper. You place this girl in a car dealing with the immediate aftermath of a failed marriage, a potentially career-ending problem, a chatty Lyft driver, and a growing suspicion that the driver is kidnapping her, and you’ve got the ingredients for a conflict-infused movie.
But too many important story choices derailed that setup.
For starters, someone posting naked selfies of a person in order to destroy their career is a 2008 plot device. It’s dated. And so, immediately, the movie felt dated. It’s like Amy Pascal notoriously buying Sex Tape 10 years after the surprise of sex tapes was a thing.
Next, we live in the immediate aftermath of the #metoo era. That means you must run every one of your script choices through that lens. Here you have a controlling ex-husband who’s saying terrible things to Liz on the phone. Then he posts naked selfies of her online. Then she gets in the car of what appears to be a psycho man who’s trying to kidnap her, all so she can go bang someone she barely knows from Tinder, and then later she’s attacked by three other men.
Sure, Liz wins in the end. But the industry is not going to favor a movie where a girl is controlled and humiliated and beaten up for 87 minutes and then fights back for the last three. But we never should’ve gotten that far in the first place because the setup should’ve been changed. You’re taking a person who something bad happens to then placing them in another situation where something bad happens to them.
That’s not the way good movie narratives work. You either want to start with someone in a good place then drop them in a bad place, or vice versa. Rarely does bad with bad and good with good work. You need the contrast. This would’ve worked better had Liz been on a high for some reason, and then slowly realizes she’s in a dangerous situation.
On top of that, her goal – to meet Tinder Guy – doesn’t make sense. And this goes back to something I constantly drill into screenwriters heads yet they keep ignoring me for some reason. I don’t know why it doesn’t register because it’s a deadly screenwriting mistake.
PUT YOURSELF IN THE HERO’S SHOES AND ASK IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’D DO.
You’ve just been publicly humiliated with naked pictures posted all across your media platforms. Your job is in danger. You are being shamed by men. Men are messaging you telling you all the things they want to do with you sexually. A) Wouldn’t you stop everything and call Facebook and everyone else until those pictures were deleted? I’m pretty sure that’s how I’d handle it. And B) this meetup seems to be purely sexual. I’m not a woman so I can’t say this for sure. But I’m guessing that you wouldn’t be in a sexy-time mood right after this happened. So I don’t know why she’s going to see this guy. It doesn’t make any sense.
I’ll give Walon credit. When it turned out David really was dropping her off at the hotel, I was shocked. I truly didn’t know where the story was going next. And that was exciting. But then Jerry arrives and he’s so “one-dimensional 80s villain,” I was pulled out of the story again. From there, the script felt like it was trying too hard to weave all of the backstory into the final payoff.
If Walon really likes this idea, here’s how I would approach it. Liz lands and messages her hookup. This time, however, Liz isn’t getting separated from her husband. She’s married. Yes, this risks making Liz unlikable but it makes her a much more interesting character. From there, no naked selfies online. A big problem at work occurs, but it’s all about work. This gives Liz something to fix while she’s in the Lyft. From there – and this is the major change – it isn’t a male driver. It’s a female driver. Here’s why I’d make that change: IT’S ALWAYS A MALE DRIVER. In every single one of these scenarios. Always always always. It’d be way more interesting if it was a female. Liz would be more trusting of a female driver. We’d be more trusting of a female driver. Which is what’ll make it all the more shocking when she turns out to be dangerous.
That’s how I would approach it anyway. Either way, good luck to Walon. I’m sure we’ll see more of his work soon on Amateur Showdown.
Script link: Lifted
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: You should always identify what makes your idea unique and draw all of your story and character ideas from that pool. Before Uber and Lyft existed, taxis were driven exclusively by men. So when writers came up with this idea back then, they naturally always had the driver be a man. With Uber and Lyft, female drivers became commonplace. Therefore, including a female driver in a movie like this immediately separates you from all the other ideas like it in the past.
