Genre: Rom-Com (but not the gay kind where Hugh Grant is involved – wait a minute, I like Hugh Grant. Good lord, what’s wrong with me?)
Synopsis: Best friends since grade school Max and Sophie move in together….and start cuddling!
About: This one generated a lot of heat when it first went out but ultimately failed to sell. Why? Let’s find out.
Writer: Kathryn McNulty
(photo by Gopher Topher)When I first saw the title “Cuddle Bitches”, it reminded me of how important a good title is. Particularly for a comedy. If you see a comedy title and don’t at least smile, there’s something wrong with it. Good titles get scripts read. They inch them up the all important reading pile. My reading pile is now 30 scripts deep. Seriously. Although I try to keep them in order, every once in awhile I’ll just go searching for a good title. Let’s face it. When you have a choice between “Cuddle Bitches” and “The Fields Of Nebraska”, which one are you gonna choose?
Speaking of the title, Cuddle Bitches instantly reminded me of the controversial but popular 2008 Black List script “Fuckbuddies” (which you can find here). That script seemed to inspire either Nazi-like hatred or Oprah-like love. It’s written in such a distinct voice with such specific humor, I can see why some people kinda wanted to bash their face in after reading it. But I thought it was funny. It’s sorta one-note, but it’s like 95% dialogue, so it flies by.
What about this Cuddle Bitches script though? Did I spoon it? Did I whisper sweet nothings into its ear? Or did I wake up with it after a night of drinking and realize it was 50 pounds heavier than I remembered? This may come as a surprise to some but I liked Cuddle Bitches. Mainly because it follows the very simple Carson rule to writing a successful romantic comedy. Yes, I’m a broken record, but let’s say it out loud together: “Make sure we like the girl. Make sure we like the guy. And make sure we desperately want to see them get together.” Cuddle Bitches succeeds on all three fronts.
Max and Sophie have been best friends since grade school. Max is an architect (I know I know. Another rom-com, another architect male lead. That equals 643,402 and counting) who’s a bit of a playa. Not into the whole commitment thing. And Sophie’s the all around cool chick who also happens to be super duper hot. But of course Max doesn’t see her that way. And Sophie doesn’t see Max “that” way.
When Sophie’s boyfriend breaks up with her, Max offers to let her stay at his place. On the very first night she’s lonely, so she crawls into Max’s bed and spoons him. And so the beginning of the cuddle relationship begins.
During this relationship, Max begins to experience the dreaded four-eyed monster: “feelings”. Unfortunately he’s too afraid to tell her about them. As she’s on the verge of finding a new boyfriend, Max finally blurts out that he’s in love with her. She freaks out because up until this point she kinda only saw him as a brother. Confusion takes over. The inevitable miscommunication that always happens in these situations begins, making everything exponentially worse. And we’re left to wonder (or at least you’re left to wonder – I already know) if the two will end up together.
If I had to guess why Cuddle Bitches didn’t sell, my guess would be the third act. You see, with these low concept ideas, because there’s no story to hang your hat on, you’re forced to come up with a whole bunch of hibbledeegook in the end to make it seem like all this craziness is happening. When in reality, you’re just trying to come up with reasons to keep the two apart before they inevitably get together. (I mean!!! Not that they get together………spoiler alert?)
And that’s truly what it felt like. Up until that point, I was really into Cuddle Bitches. I wanted to find a bitch to cuddle with. I wanted to spoon. But the script does feel like it’s a draft or two away from a god’s honest life-changing cuddle. This was more the kind of cuddle that happens when you’re groggy and don’t really want anyone to touch you. So you pretend to cuddle to make the other person happy, yet secretly you can’t wait to get away from the cuddle. You know what I mean? Come on, you guys know what I’m talking about.
But yeah, the ending prevented me from giving this a strong recommend. Still a solid script though and definitely worth the read.
[ ] trash
[ ] barely kept my interest
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned from Cuddle Bitches: This was actually a bit of a revelation for me. One of the tell-tale signs that you’re reading an amateur script is that it takes too long to get to the plot. Good writers are efficient and get to the point fast. This is important because readers start to get antsy when the opening wanders. They start to lose trust in you, the writer. Yet by page 15, I still didn’t technically know what Cuddle Bitches was about. But I was still into it. Why, I wondered, when I blast so many other scripts for not following this rule, am I letting this one slide by? And I realized it was because the story was in the title. The two are going to turn to each other for physical support (cuddling) because the movie is called “Cuddle Bitches”. That’s what settled me down. The lesson being, use your title as part of the story. Allow it to focus your reader and actually become part of the setup. Definitely not conventional, but an option to keep in mind.
