Big upset in Logline Showdown history as Last to Live gets its shot at a Scriptshadow review!
Genre: Horror
Winning Logline: When six influencers perform a stunt that inadvertently kills the daughter of a cartel boss, he forces them to undertake a deadly series of their own YouTube challenges. SAW meets MR BEAST
About: Last to Live pulled off the biggest upset in Amateur Showdown HISTORY. It wasn’t even chosen by me to compete in the original 7 winning entries. But when Alex placed his logline in the comments, it immediately started getting attention, with commenters saying they’d vote for it over the original entries. So I added it to the mix and, what do you know, it won! Congratulations, Alex.
Writer: Alex Munro Webb
Details: 88 pages
I’d seen this logline before and I told Alex – “This is a movie.” The reason I didn’t originally include it in the showdown is that the “mob boss” element felt a tad disconnected from the rest of the logline. I just wasn’t sure if people were going to like that mob part. It turns out I was DEAD WRONG. Which goes to show, there’s still an element of subjectivity to all of this.
This is why you want to get your idea in front of as many people as possible. Cause even if your idea is only getting a positive rating from every 2 out of 10 people, that’s still 2 people for every 10 that want to read your script. I deal with a lot of down in the dumps writers who complain that their logline isn’t getting any traction. I’ll ask them, “How many people did you send it to?” And they’ll reply, “Four.” Four?? FOUR!!?? That’s it????? I have to remind them that this is an overwhelmingly “no” town. Even the top dogs get told “no” more than they’re told “yes.”
Case in point, Guillermo Del Toro. One of the most beloved filmmakers of the last 20 years. Guy’s a superstar. What did Lucasfilm tell him about his proposed Jabba the Hutt movie? “No thanks. Kick rocks, sucka.” Or David Fincher with his sequel to World War Z. Paramount said “Uh-uh,” to David Fincher! And Brad Pitt! For a sequel to one of their most successful properties!
Don’t get caught up in all these “Nos.” You need the “Nos” to get to the “Yes.”
With that in mind, it’s time to review the Halloween Logline Showdown winner!
Funzee is a 24 year old mega Youtube personality. He’s like Mr. Beast but mean instead of nice. But the guy does have an eye for what grabs eyeballs. We meet him as he’s setting up his newest video, the “Buried Alive” challenge. His crew will each be buried alive in a coffin and the last one to demand release wins.
We meet Funzee’s crew through Funzee reminding the viewers who everyone is via infamous embarrassing videos from their past. 24 year-old Tivity, a gorgeous young girl who has lost a lot of weight, is the star of the operation. She always seems to get the most attention. And she’s the least excited about this challenge. She keeps begging their producer, Lenny, not to do it.
You then have meek Mouse, 22, who’s secretly in love with Blush, a girl who wears excessive amounts of make-up to hide her Melasma skin pigmentation disorder. You’ve got Suede, an airhead “Chad” who can barely spell his own name. And you’ve got 24 year old Cinnamon, Funzee’s ultra-competitive girlfriend, who’s secretly sleeping with Suede.
After we meet all the contestants, the challenge begins and due to a number of factors (mainly, piped-in oxygen and a lighter), the inside of Tivity’s coffin becomes a raging fire and she burns to death.
This essentially ends their channel. But several months later, another Youtube personality, Mike, tells them he’s got the ultimate collab video to bring them back. The desperate team heads out to meet Mike at a remote location, only to get gassed and wake up on an island with a deranged virtual DJ informing them that they will now take part in a number of challenges inspired by their own videos and that one person will die in each one. Last one standing gets to live.
These challenges range from being covered in honey while kept in close proximity to a large nest of Executioner wasps, being held above a pool of super-acid during a lie-detector test, and being placed in an obstacle course with killer dogs. It becomes clear that Funzee is willing to do anything to win. But will he underestimate his meekest team-member?
A big reason why I think this script won was because its concept is so current. I see so many dated horror concepts – movies that could’ve come out 30 years ago. And while that’s all well and good if the writer executes the hell out of their premise, there’s no doubt that a horror concept that feels fresh has a better chance at grabbing Hollywood’s attention.
Overall, I thought Alex did a pretty good job capturing this world. Funzee is a perfect amalgamation of Mr. Beast and early Logan Paul. He’s got that douche-canoe way about him that makes you want to slap him across the face. And his mannerisms and speech patterns definitely mirror the characters he’s inspired by.
I also liked how Alex mixed up the challenges so that some were just about the physical, while others, such as the lie-detector test, taught you something about the characters in the process. For example, we learn why, in Suede’s own logic, why he chose to deceive his friend, Funzee, and be with Cinnamon. It was a fun way to get into the characters’ heads and really understand them.
Now, as you know, I put a lot of stock into how a script opens. Because a script that opens well is more likely to be good than a script that doesn’t open well.
I keep going over this opening sequence and I’ve concluded that it hurts the script more than it helps it. I understand what Alex is doing. He’s setting up each of his characters. And he’s doing so in a clever organic way. When Funzee introduces one of his team, he does so with an embarrassing clip from their past. These clips not only tell us who the characters are, but they set up their flaw. For example, that Blush is self-conscious about her melanoma skin.
But it does two things that I don’t like. One, it’s all backstory. It’s exposition. I’m just not a huge believer in overriding your opening act with exposition. I would rather be experiencing entertaining scenes where something interesting is happening. The other problem is that it’s 12 pages long. I asked Alexa what the percentage of 12 out of 90 was, and she told me, “13.3%.” 13.3% of your movie is an opening exposition scene.
Sometimes the things that technically make sense for your screenplay aren’t the things that are best for your screenplay. Because, in the end, it’s about pacing. It’s about keeping things moving fast enough with entertaining enough scenes that the reader will want to keep reading. Also, there’s plenty of opportunity later on, with our master of ceremony’s ability to access old video clips, to go into each character’s backstory then.
Luckily, Alex rebounds with the first set piece (“Buried Alive”). The death of Tivity is truly shocking (she gets trapped in a coffin on fire and burns alive) yet Alex manages to tell it in a way that keeps it entertaining, which is important for a movie like this. It can’t be so realistic and awful that we want to stop watching. I just wish it could’ve come on page 7 as opposed to page 20.
Alex understands that this is not a leader group that’s easy to like so he makes a clear decision to build likability into the underdog characters of Mouse and Blush. The two are both in love with each other but don’t have the confidence to admit it. While I liked this creative choice in theory, it doesn’t quite work in execution because they’re so on-the-nose. Mouse, in particular, has zero shades of gray. He’s meek. He’s scared. He’s in love with Blush. And that defines everything about him. So when he sticks up for her in a crucial moment late in the script, I cringed more than cheered. It’s the part of the script that needs the most work.
I waffled back and forth on what rating to give Last to Live. Cause I do think it has these weaknesses that hold it back. But, in the end, I truly believe this is a movie. It even does what few horror scripts are able to accomplish – stick the landing. A smart young horror producer would snatch this up ASAP. It’s the kind of script that wouldn’t be difficult to whip into “production” shape as it’s mostly about bringing a teensy bit more realism to the characters and getting the absolute most out of these set pieces. This could be the next Becky.
Script link: Last to Live
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: I don’t like when you can easily deduce which character is going to die next based on how much effort the writer has put into them. We know when writers pay certain characters more attention. So we know those characters are going to last longer. It was so easy to figure out who was going to die next here. As hard as it is to do for the writer, it’s a good idea in these movies to kill off at least one character early who we, in no way, expected to die.
