“What’s that, brother? My logline didn’t make the showdown???”
It’s time to play that most wonderful of games: “Why didn’t my logline get picked for Logline Showdown?” This month, though, we’re going to do something special. We’re going to focus on submissions that need to retire. As much as I’m rooting for everyone on today’s post, it’s time to move forward with new scripts. Cause I want you to have a chance! The below loglines are never going to get that chance, no matter how many times they’re submitted.
And a reminder that, tomorrow, we have a script review of this month’s Logline Showdown winner, “Wayward Son.” The logline for that was: “When her estranged son returns and takes her grandson in the night, a veteran park ranger sets out to rescue him from the clutches of a mysterious cult deep in the Oregon woods.” Tune in to see what I thought AND to read the script yourself.
Okay, are we ready? Here we go…
Title: My Lonely Earth
Genre: Sci-fi
Logline: At a top-secret lab, a psychotherapist battling nightmares of an alien abduction learns that not only are her nightmares real, but that her alien child is being kept in the facility, and she’s running out of time to save him.
Analysis: Full disclosure. I helped Nicholas with his logline here. I’ll let him decide if he wants to post the original logline so you can see where he started. My issue with My Lonely Earth is that it feels like an overly familiar premise that doesn’t have that “strange attractor” that makes the idea stand out. I read sooooo many scripts that take place in secret labs. There’s an outbreak or an alien and the scripts follow the characters running around the lab hallways, hiding in rooms, and it just gets tediously repetitive. So unless you’re going to add some strange attractor that helps me think of something *other* than that, then any contained thriller that takes place in a lab probably isn’t going to get my juices flowing.
Title: Plagued With Love!
Genre: Musical Comedy
Logline: An overconfident plague doctor and his bumbling partner must find a cure for the plague before King Louis XIII executes them for their numerous failures, and so off they go on an adventure full of song, dance, romance… and swollen lymph nodes! (Galavant meets The Road to El Dorado)
Analysis: Every time I see this logline, I consider posting it in the showdown but then I realize that the only reason I’m considering it is because I like Katherine. But if this logline came from “Joey Franzone” as opposed to “Katherine Botts,” I wouldn’t consider it. What’s interesting here is that this concept has the opposite problem that My Lonely Earth has. It is one GIANT strange attractor. It’s so off the reservation that I’m imagining something too wacky, too goofy. But the deciding factor is that it’s not clever enough. And I can give you a comp that was clever enough to get my attention. It’s a pilot I reviewed recently: “During the Black Plague, a group of rich Italians head off into the countryside to party out the plague in a beautiful villa.” Notice the irony in the concept. Notice the commentary on the rich (they’re so clueless they think they can party their way through the worst plague in history). There’s a cleverness there that’s not quite present in Plagued With Love. I wouldn’t tell Katherine to ditch the script entirely because it’s unique enough that there may be someone out there who falls in love with it. It’s just not my jam.
Title: Runaway Car
Genre: Thriller
Logline: When a hacker takes control of a driverless car in order to get revenge against her abusive ex-boss, an innocent new employee in the passenger’s seat has to fight for survival against both of her new adversaries.
Analysis: Point blank, I’m done with driverless car scripts. I’ve read a dozen of them. I’ve been pitched three times that number. Unfortunately, it’s that idea every writer in town wanted to write. This happens every couple of years where a new technology or pop culture phenomenon or viral idea pops up and everybody wants to write about it. I always tell writers if you’re going to write about something ubiquitous, come up with a really fresh or weird angle so that your script stands out from the pack.
Title: We Band of Angels
Genre: Historical
Logline: An Army nurse arrives in the Philippines just before the Japanese attack and throw her into one of the most ruthless POW camps of WW2. Based on a true story.
Analysis: I feel bad because I know how much Montana loves this story. He came to me for a logline consult. Then I think he workshopped it with you guys. This latest iteration is, I believe, something he’s come up with himself. There’s something missing from this concept, though (I’m not talking about the logline, I’m talking about the *concept*). Remember that World War 2 is one of the most competitive movie concept spaces. So “decent” won’t cut it. You have to have that strange attractor or “next level” component that makes the idea stand out. Especially in the wake of Oppenheimer, which covered the life of, arguably, the most important man in World War 2. This logline is not convincing me why I’d want to watch a woman in a Japanese POW camp. Maybe this logline makes it into the mix for a World War 2 Logline Showdown. Otherwise, I don’t ever see it making the cut.
Title: WARLOCK DOWN
Genre: Action
Logline: A failed magician turned cop must defeat a group of evil warlocks who have taken the residents of a magical boarding school hostage – including the love of his life.
Analysis: I know this is Tal’s most popular logline but there’s something about it that feels overly constructed to me. It’s like a group of movie execs got together and tried to come up with the most high concept idea ever and just started haphazardly pairing movies up. “Beverly Hills Cop meets Frozen!” “No.” “King Kong meets Barbie!” “No.” “Iron Man meets Armageddon!” “No.” “Die Hard meets Harry Potter!” “Yes!” There’s nothing organic about it. It really does feel like the kind of thing an AI program would come up with. I just don’t see a scenario where I would include this in a Logline Showdown. And yes, I know Tal is coming with a list of 10,000 managers and producers who requested the script off the logline. I’m just not going to be one of them.
Title: There’s An Alien In My Bathtub
Genre: Sci-Fi/Comedy
Logline: A nerdy germaphobe and a clumsy extra-terrestrial become unlikely heroes during a worldwide pandemic.
Analysis: I can say with certainty that this will not make a Logline Showdown. When you say, “There’s an alien in my bathtub,” that’s the literal movie I’m imagining. I’m imagining a single shot of an alien in a bathtub talking for 120 minutes. Which sounds like the most boring movie ever. But even if that’s not the actual movie, the whole concept doesn’t feel big enough to me. It’s too silly. The stakes are too low. There’s no dominant source of conflict to cause uncertainty in the story. And, no, there’s not going to be anything that can be said to convince me otherwise. So for Randall, I would start submitting a new script. And make sure you come to me before you write it for a logline consult (carsonreeves1@gmail.com). I can make sure you don’t make this mistake again.
Title: BACKPACKER ROAD
Genre: Comedy
Logline: While on a group tour of South East Asia, a sorry traveler is stuck sharing a room with a sex tourist while sparking up a relationship with a pretty, charismatic girl.
Analysis: I know John gets passionate when he talks about this idea. I know John isn’t interested in writing anything mainstream. He fully embraces that his idea doesn’t perfectly fit into the Hollywood mold. But, because of that, he has to understand that his ideas are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. And this isn’t my cup of tea. The sex tourist part feels random. A guy meets a girl while he’s on vacation and, oh, there’s also a sex tourist in the story! What?? How do these two things connect? Do they just swap stories at the end of each day? “We toured the lake.” “That’s cool, I scoped out some 15 year old prostitutes.” I’m not interested in reading that story. And I know FOR A FACT that John is going to explain that that’s not what his story is about. But it doesn’t matter. This logline is not going to make the Logline Showdown. It feels more like a darker version of The Beach. So write it as a novel.
Look, I love all of you. And just because I don’t like your logline doesn’t mean someone else won’t. But I want the longtime readers of this site to have the best shot at making the Showdown which is why I’m encouraging you to come up with something new. Cause I want you competing! I want your loglines to be featured in the big bright lights. I don’t want you to continually send me these loglines that don’t have a shot.
HOWEVER! There’s some news everyone here might find interesting. You may have one final showdown you can enter these scripts into next month BECAUSE the deciding factor of the next showdown will NOT be your concept. I’ll announce what it WILL BE in the newsletter, which I’m sending out this Friday. E-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com if you aren’t already on the newsletter list.
