A discussion about the crucial screenwriting skill of mining your concept properly
One of the funnier moments in the film
Nobody’s shocked that A Haunting in Venice barely scraped up 15 million dollars this weekend. A decade ago, I think that number doubles. But Rian Johnson put his Agatha Christie clone movie on Netflix for free. So you’ve conditioned moviegoers to overlook a movie like this in the theater.
If they had any chance, it was going to be with a big flashy cast. But because the last film in the Agatha Christie series did poorly, they were given a much lower budget this time around. And they chose to focus that limited money on the production value rather than the cast. The biggest name in this movie is Tina Fey, who’s never even been in this genre before. But maybe they were right to do so. Let’s say they paid 10 million for a couple other B-list stars. Would the film have made that 10 million back on opening weekend? I’m not sure it would’ve.
I was more curious about Theater Camp, which came out on Hulu this weekend. The movie got a lot of buzz at Sundance (it was picked up for 8 million). And the trailer was absolutely hilarious. This had the makings of being the best comedy of the year.
The plot is simple. Joan, the 50-something owner of a longstanding theater camp, falls into a coma. Her son, Troy, a hip-hop’ish wannabe social media influencer, decides to run this summer’s camp. Outside of a “cool kids” camp nearby that wants to buy up the theater camp, the plot basically follows a lot of kids who absolutely love theater as they rehearse and put on a series of plays. The camp teachers, each with their own unique proclivities, do their best to steer the aspiring thespians to solid performances.
Theater Camp deserves some flowers.
There are some genuinely laugh-out-loud moments in the film. Watching the camp counselors try to figure out which of the (all under 13) camp girls is right to play the lead prostitute in Les Miserables did such a great job of walking right up to that line you’re not supposed to cross, leaning over it, then pulling back, that I couldn’t help but crack up.
Most of the lol moments came from the actors, which were impeccably cast. As far as the kids go, there wasn’t a single weak link. My favorite was the large Samoan kid. When he’s doing his singing audition and the camp electricity goes out, draping the auditorium in darkness, he says, “Oh no. You are not taking away my final note,” and proceeds to belt out the most self-indulgent final note to a song you’ve ever heard.
But, as always, I’m focused on the writing. And this is yet another example of writers getting in their own way. Which is something you CANNOT DO in comedy. You can’t do it any genre, really. But you especially can’t do it in comedy. Comedy has to possess a “freeness.” It can’t feel like you’re stifling the fun. And that’s what happens here due to a few key creative choices.
The most destructive choice the writers make is how they handle Troy. Troy is our outsider. He’s the cool Tiktok influencer guy who’s never hung around a single theater kid in his life. Why is this character so important? Because comedy is about contrast. It’s about placing things that don’t go together together.
If you put a flamboyant theater kid next to a flamboyant theater camp instructor, you have zero contrast. Both characters are on the same wavelength, so the opportunities to create comedy are much more limited.
But if you put Troy around a theater kid, you have two universes that don’t understand each other. And that’s where the comedy begins – watching these two try to communicate when they don’t have a common language.
We see the power of this early on when Troy first introduces himself to the camp. Troy is used to people responding well to him. He’s good-looking. He’s cool. But when he tries to use his, “Hey hey, wutz up everybodddyyyy,” attitude to energize a room full of theater kids, they stare back at him blankly. They don’t understand this alien, which prompts one of the teachers to come in and translate. It’s a funny scene.
But then the writers inexplicably STOP PUTTING TROY AROUND THEATER PEOPLE. It’s baffling. With one exception, an entire hour goes by before he speaks to a theater person again. Instead, he gets dragged into this “running out of money” storyline that has him interacting with the cool nearby camp that wants to buy his camp up. He’s interacting with people who are just like him.
Meanwhile, we’re hanging out with all the theater kids and teachers who are EXACTLY THE SAME. They’re all overly flamboyant theatrical people. The characters are funny enough individually that we get the occasional laugh. But I couldn’t help wondering how much better the movie would’ve been if we’d properly inserted our one giant opposing force – Troy – into the camp more.
They could’ve easily done this. Just have Troy be a teacher instead of the head of the camp. Which was a position that didn’t even make sense for his character anyway. The guy can’t even balance his doordash expenses. Why is he running this camp? I know his mom is in a coma but he never seemed like the kind of guy who would jump into that role if needed. He was all about himself. It was confusing.
Just get him in a teacher role somehow and you’ve got comedy gold whenever he’s in a scene. It would’ve been hilarious to see him try and put a play together, seeing as he knows nothing about putting together plays.
By the way, when you insert an opposing force into you comedy script, it’s always funnier if they’re doing so reluctantly. They don’t want to be there. Look no further than one of the best adult-kid comedies of all time, “School of Rock” (written by White Lotus’s Mike White!). Jack Black’s character doesn’t want to be there. That always creates funnier scenarios. So I don’t know why they made Troy so willing to help. It stole so many laughs from the screenplay.
Another huge writing mistake they make – and this is one of the classic beginner screenwriter mistakes – is that they never settle on a main character. Instead, they jump around to each individual character’s story equally. At a certain point I remember drifting off before refocusing and thinking, “Who’s story is this???”
In theory, giving each character a proper arc and equal amount of screen time is the right thing to do. But, in practice, it’s more complicated than that.
I remember a long time ago when I went to the premiere of an actor friend’s movie. The movie, which focused on a group of five friends, kind of wanted to be the next American Pie but the tone was all over the place. I remember towards the end where each of the five friends got this big final scene to shine. They talked (and talked and talked) about their journey and what they learned. And as soon as one of these 7 minute scenes was over, another of the friends started up and gave their 7 minutes of thoughts.
I learned that the reason this happened was because all five actors were working closely with the writer and director and they all wanted their moment to shine and the writer and director agreed to write the script that way. But, in the process, we lost that one character we could relate to and get behind. In American Pie, you’ve got four friends. But Jim (Jason Biggs) was clearly the main character.
Theater Camp suffers from this same issue. It feels like a collaboration. Which means that nobody was able to put their foot down and say, “Who’s movie is this?” It should’ve been Troy’s movie. He’s the character who has the most to learn. He’s the engine driving the beginning of the movie, at least. He needs to be your hero. But too many beginner writers (in this case, Noah Galvin) don’t realize how much a main character focuses your story.
Now, I’m sure a few of you will point out some movies with no main characters that are great. Don’t bother. I can tell you one of my favorites right now: Dazed and Confused. I guess you could argue that Randall “Pink” Floyd is the main character. But really, it’s an ensemble.
I’m not saying it can never work unless you have a main character. But I promise you you are a million times more likely to write an unfocused mess than you are Dazed and Confused if you don’t have a main character. You can take that challenge on when you’re a veteran screenwriter. But when you’re still learning, stay the heck away from true ensemble pieces.
Theater Camp has personality to spare. And it’s almost enough to overcome its screenwriting problems. But missed creative opportunities turned what should’ve been an A into a B-.
