I was recently watching a movie reviewer who had the audacity to say, “I don’t know why more critics aren’t supporting Men in Black International considering how many diversity boxes it ticks.” I mean, am I living in an alternate universe right now? Why would anybody encourage others to see a movie other than that they enjoyed it? Truth be told, Men in Black International has way more problems than what boxes it’s ticking.
The franchise became a hit not because of all the cutesy alien special effects, but because of the chemistry between Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. I know they’re trying to make Tessa Thompson a thing. But she doesn’t have chemistry with anybody. She’s a dead-eyed boring actress. And casting her in a tired franchise was the nail in the coffin for MIB. I’m sorry if I sound upset. But sometimes Hollywood can be so frustrating. Everybody on the planet saw that this was a dud. So why didn’t the people who were making it – the supposed experts – see the same thing?
I think I know.
The Marvel Armada.
Marvel has got everyone else thinking cross-eyed. They’re all so desperate to put a dent in the perfectly constructed mega movie franchise, they can’t see straight. And I sort of understand where they’re coming from. I mean, you can’t throw up your hands and give up, right? You have to come back at them with SOMETHING. And, as a competing studio, you have two choices on how to battle them. With something original or with something in your studio library. If you asked every creative who worked at a studio what they WANTED to do, they’d say make something original. If you asked them what made the most business sense, they’d say go into the studio library. Which is exactly why we get a movie like Men in Black International. Or Godzilla. Or Dark Phoenix (which, yes, is a Marvel movie, but not really).
The irony is that the only reason the Men in Black franchise was an option to bring back in the first place was because it was once an original idea that the studio took a chance on. So if you’re not going to take chances on new properties, you’re not going to have old properties to reboot 20 years from now!
Strangely, the only movies that can compete with Marvel for eyeballs are… Netflix films? I know, right? It may surprise you to know that while 200 million people saw Endgame, 75 million are estimated to have seen Bird Box, a tiny Sandra Bullock movie that cost 20 million bucks (1/20th the estimated budget of Endgame). Why is this? Convenience Convenience Convenience. Netflix is the single most convenient entertainment product in history. There are zero barriers. Consider with Marvel there’s finding a time to go see the film, planning with your friends to be there, driving there, paying, getting food, getting your seats. That may seem like nothing. But compared to clicking a button? It’s everything.
The most recent Netflix entry is Murder Mystery starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston. I like Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston a lot. They seem like cool down-to-earth people. And compared to some of Sandler’s other Netflix entries, this one looked pretty good. A comedic take on a whoddunit that takes place on a boat with a group of eccentric characters – that’s a great setup for a movie.
Except it’s a lie.
The murder itself takes place on the boat. But then, the characters inexplicably leave the boat for the remainder of the movie. Let’s unpack this because it gets to the heart of why Sandler struggles to make good movies. The boat is where the tension is. The contained nature of their predicament – of not being able to call for help, of needing to solve the murder themselves, all the while being in danger – is what makes the concept work. So to leave the boat is dramatically devastating.
You can see the effects of this almost immediately. Adam Sandler is resting a lot. He’s putzing around the city. There’s no urgency in his pursuit to solve the murder whatsoever. So why did they do it? I believe there are two reasons, one lazy and one that sort of makes sense. Reason 1 is that Adam Sandler likes to enjoy making movies more than he actually likes to, you know, make them. Being on a cooped-up boat during an entire shoot wasn’t as fun as, say, hanging out in Monaco. By expanding the story to several international locations, he got to have more fun! While I’ll never understand laziness in regards to making movies, the reality is that actors make movies for stupid reasons all the time. We’ve heard stories about actors making movies in Maui because they’d get to party on the beach for two months. About actors who make horse movies cause they want to learn how to ride horses. It just bugs me that major dramatic choices are being made in the name of the actors having fun. We’re the ones who are supposed to have fun – the audience! Not you. You’re supposed to be doing a job.
The less cynical reason is that it makes for a better trailer. If your movie takes place solely on a boat, you’re only going to have shots of a boat. But if you’re shooting all over the planet, your movie looks bigger, and, arguably, has the potential to draw in more people. The net result is a movie that could’ve been good but must settle for decent. At least we get a good screenwriting lesson out of it. Always do what’s best for your story. If that means keeping your murder mystery on a boat, KEEP IT ON THE DAMN BOAT!
All this badmouthing, Carson. There’s got to be something out there I can watch. If you’re talking about movies (and not TV), there isn’t a lot. I think everybody cleared the hell out of Endgame’s tsunami wake, which means only those films which studios pegged as duds were released. So in some ways, you can say this dry spell was planned. But there are a few flicks out there that won’t put you to sleep. The Upside is a film the industry tried to get rid of. It was delayed forever. Kevin Hart was hit with a manufactured-outrage-of-the-week attack right before its release. But the film has amassed an incredible 108 million dollars at the box office. For a non-Oscar pushed drama? That’s unheard of. I mean if that movie would’ve got the same awards push as, say, Roma? It would’ve made 200 million at least. The movie isn’t perfect. But Kevin Hart is good in it and, most importantly, the chemistry between him and Bryan Cranston is strong.
I reviewed the I Am Mother script three years ago and found it to be average. It wasn’t doing anything new enough inside of the contained horror genre to get me excited. So when I threw it on Netflix, I expected to spend fifteen minutes on it and never go back. Half-a-movie later I was still watching. The young actress is good. Hilary Swank is always good. And the most important character in the whole mix – the robot – worked. Something was keeping it from being awesome though and the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if making the drifter a male would’ve been the difference. In stories, you’re always looking for contrast. The more contrast you can create, the bigger the pocket of unresolved conflict you’ll have to play with. The Upside, for example. Bryan Cranston’s character takes his wealth for granted. Kevin Hart is broke. Cranston’s character can’t move. Hart takes his youth and athleticism for granted. There’s so much estrogen in I Am Mother. Imagine if there was a charge of testosterone. It definitely would’ve offset the dynamic in a dangerous but exciting way. Anyway, this movie is worth checking out. One of the stronger Netflix entries for sure.
This next recommendation is going to surprise you. The Lego Movie 2. I actually enjoyed this film! The trailer was all over the place but the whole thing about the city getting destroyed and having to live in a dystopian Mad Max like society was hilarious. For a mainstream movie, the plot is totally bonkers. It doesn’t always work but if you need a two hour prescription of Cheer Up, this is the movie for you. — There are a bunch of movies I still haven’t seen yet that I’ll turn to you for. Cold Pursuit, Isn’t it Romantic, Dragged Across Concrete, High Life, and Booksmart. Thoughts? Are any of them worth the money? Let me know in the comments!
