Guys, it was not a good contest entry week.
Barely any scripts got into the top 2 piles.
One of the biggest factors on whether a script advances in my contest or not is if there’s a dramatically compelling situation in the first ten pages. That means there’s a problem and characters need to resolve it. The more interesting the characters and the more unique and powerful the situation, the better.
Yet very few writers do this. Monday, I read a script about the restaurant business. The restaurant business is one of the most emotionally charged businesses out there. There is so much opportunity for conflict and drama. But all the first ten pages did was set up that the restaurant was struggling. Set up the sale of the restaurant. Then introduce a bunch of characters in non-dramatic situations.
WHERE IS THE DRAMA????
You need to include dramitized situations – problems, dangers, mysteries, conflicts – to keep readers invested. If all you’re doing is saying, “Here’s relevant story point A.” “Here’s relevant story point B.” “Here are characters C, D, and E.” “Here’s a location.” “Character D moves from this location to this location.” That’s not storytelling. That’s a screenplay grocery list. Anybody can lay down ten story variables. Writing is when you take those variables and create DRAMATIC SITUATIONS.
Look at the pilot episode of Succession. It starts with a 60 second teaser of a rich confused old man waking up and going to the bathroom on the floor. Immediately, we’re curious. What was that all about? But even if you’re not curious, it’s a 60 second scene. We’re moving on. We cut to his son, the successor to this man’s billion dollar business, as he tries to close a deal with a hot tech company that doesn’t want to be bought.
This is an important moment for the son. He needs to prove that he can handle the daily high-pressure environment of this position. However, in front of a conference room of all his guys and all their guys, no matter what he offers this pesky CEO, the guy keeps saying no. We can see our character’s confidence slipping. This was supposed to be easy. Yet it’s falling apart. Even worse, it’s happening in front of the whole company. They’re seeing him fail.
It doesn’t matter if you like this scene or not. You can be the biggest Succession hater in the world. But what you can’t argue is that this isn’t a highly dramatized situation. We have a problem. Our hero needs to buy a company that doesn’t want to be bought. The stakes are high. If he fails, it could cost him the position of company successor. There is drama and conflict and tension playing out in a major way.
To highlight how strong this opening is, let’s rewrite it from the perspective of a bad writer. Same concept. Same general characters. This time, however, instead of the opening 1-minute teaser where the old man embarrassingly pees on the floor, the writer wants an entire 4-minute breakfast scene with the old man. This way, we can hear him talk. We can get to know him. Get some exposition in about what he does. It’s going to be great! Audiences are going to know this character so well after this breakfast!
Then, it’s time to set up the son. What? A high stakes conference room deal? Why would I write that? We don’t even know this guy yet. Let’s show him getting a spray tan first. That way, the audience will know he’s vain. Ooh, now that’s good writing! Afterwards, I’ll have him call his dad. Yes! That way we can establish that they’re father and son and I can set up their frayed relationship and maybe even slip in some stuff about the family dynamic. Exposition taken care of! Wooo!
You know what I forgot to do? Set up the sister. So we should do a scene with her. Yeah, I’ll have her on the phone closing a deal for a new house she’s buying. That will show that she gets things done. Things are happening in my story! My characters are buying houses! Okay, where are we at? About ten pages into the story? Okay, the son should be getting to work now. I can show him heading upstairs, talking to everyone, and that way we can show that nobody really respects him. Man, I’m good at writing.
What’s so bad about this altered Succession pilot opening? Truthfully, it’s fine. Things are kind of happening. We’re getting to know people. We’re learning about the world of the super-rich. Here’s the problem, though. FINE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH. If I read 10 contest entries, 5 of them will be “fine.” And every one of them will go into the “no” pile. Because I’m not interested in “fine.” I’m interested in “very good.” In “great.” In “compelling.” In “suspenseful.” In “exciting.” In “creative.”
Nothing in that altered Succession pilot was dramatized. It was ALL SETUP. It was ALL INFORMATION. Here’s this character. Here’s that character. Here’s how they know each other. Here’s some extra info about this character so you know them even better. It’s resume shit. I’m not reading scripts to get a resume on relevant story information. I’m reading to be entertained. And unless you’re creating a series of dramatized situations, you’re not entertaining me.
When is it okay NOT to write a dramatized situation? I’m tempted to say never to force you guys to always think in terms of dramatizing scenes. But, the truth is, you can use sequences (sequences are a series of scenes) to BUILD UP to a dramatized situation. “Building” is harder than dramatizing because you’re writing a series of scenes that are “technically” not that entertaining on their own, but which are hinting at, implying, or straight up telling us that the bigger juicier dramatized scenario is coming. You’re sort of using your scenes to tease. Which is better than straight setup because, again, the only thing straight setup is doing is providing information. It’s not providing the reader any entertainment value.
Take Palm Springs, the former ‘time-loop’ Black List script that went on to become the highest selling movie ever at Sundance (and which can now be seen on Hulu). There isn’t a whole lot of dramatizing in the first 15 minutes. Our hero, Nyles, wakes up in a Palm Springs hotel with his annoying girlfriend who we find out are attending a wedding. We then show the wedding and meet a girl that Jake is interested in.
However, there’s a clear sense that something is off here. Jake seems oddly detached from his girlfriend. Then, at the wedding, he gives a lights out toast despite knowing nothing about the bride or groom. He’s able to move through wild dancing crowds with Matrix-like precision. And he doesn’t give a shit about anything. As a reader, you get a sense that we’re building towards something – an explanation as to what’s going on with Nyles. And we finally get it at the 15 page mark. Nyles is attacked by a strange man with a bow-and-arrow, barely escapes him, then wakes up at the beginning of the day again. You’ve provided us with enough curious moments to build towards an explanation. Now you can start dramatizing things.
You should write a dramatized situation in your first ten pages for sure. From there, try to dramatize as much of your script as possible. And if you’re not dramatizing, you should be clearly building towards an impending dramatized situation soon. Cause if you’re not dramatizing and you’re not building, you’re just conveying information. You’re explaining characters and locations and relevant story info to the reader. We’re bored when you do that.
And yes, just like all screenwriting advice, there are exceptions. If you’ve created two lights out amazing characters, sure, we might just want to hang out with them and listen to them talk. Arguably, When Harry Met Sally, one of the best movies ever, did this. But you probably shouldn’t assume that you’re writing two iconic movie characters in your script. Just in case you haven’t, dramatize dramatize dramatize.
If you have questions about this, ask me in the comments and I’ll try to answer. Cause clearly, a lot of writers aren’t getting this even though I talk about it all the time on the site. In fact, there’s a writer who sent in an entry who’s been on these boards before. And this writer was always one of the first commenters to tear down any script that got a good review on the site. Knowing how high their bar was, my expectations were sky high when I saw their name. And what do you know, they didn’t even make the “Low Maybe” pile. The pages were fine. But the lone attempt at a dramatic situation was so bland and so low-stakes, I wondered why they would think anyone would be interested in continuing to read their story.
I don’t understand why writers aren’t holding themselves to higher standards. People get bored SOOOO FAST these days. A reader can get bored within 30 seconds. I know you can’t make every single second of your script level-10 entertaining. But you should at least make your first ten pages highly entertaining. A high stakes dramatized situation isn’t that difficult to come up with. And it’s one of the easiest ways to pull a reader in.
