Genre: Comedy
Premise: A sheep herder in the old west falls for a woman who’s married to the biggest gang leader in the region.
About: This is Family Guy (and Ted) creator Seth MacFarlane’s new movie. Last year’s Oscar host is taking his new film one step further from Ted and adding “lead actor” to his ever evolving resume. The film will co-star Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried, and Neil Patrick Harris. For those of you frustrated by all the recent successes I cover being of Ivy League pedigree (it seems like every other pro writer I review these days graduated from Harvard), you’ll be happy to hear that MacFarlane (whose fortune is measured at 150 million dollars over at Celebrity Net Worth) slummed it up at the Rhode Island School of Design before moving to Hollywood. Hey, if someone from Rhode Island can make it here, anybody can.
Writers: Seth MacFarlane and Alec Sulkin & Wellesley Wild
Details: 125 pages (1st draft)
I’ll be the first to admit, I did not think Ted was going to be a hit. Only afterwards did I realize the power of Seth MacFaralane, the multi-talented cartoonist, host, comedian, and now actor. It appears MacFarlane is now going the Trey Parker/Matt Stone route, evolving his cartoonist career into an acting one. Of course, that didn’t work out too well for the South Park duo (Baseketball was a jumbled mess of a concept that become too goofy for its own good, resulting in us never seeing Matt and Trey onscreen again), but MacFaralane has a 250 million dollar hit on his resume, which gives him a little more cache going into “West.”
That’s not to say all is swell in the land of this decision. MacFarlane looks really odd in the trailers, sort of like a wax museum character (the man never seems to have a hair out of place) set against a gaggle of much more authentic looking chess pieces. But I do have to give it to him as a writer-director. He’s come in to the movie space taking big risks (a talking teddy bear movie and a western comedy??), something no other comedy folks in Hollywood are really doing. You have to respect that. Let’s see what his latest script is all about.
It’s the olllllld West. 30-something Albert Stark is the world’s worst sheep herder. How bad? Occasionally his sheep will end up on the roof of his house. How that’s even possible, no one knows. Lucky for him, he’s got a hot girlfriend in Louise, even if she does treat him the way Kate treated Jon in Jon & Kate Plus 8. But after Albert backs down from a duel, Louise has had enough of his pussy ways and dumps him.
Bummed out, Albert tries to get back on the horse (apropos, since I think this is the era where that phrase was actually born!), but dating back in the Old West isn’t like dating today. Eager parents are pushing their 12 year-old daughters on you (which results in one of the most awkward dates you’ll ever see onscreen). Lucky for Albert, a sharp-tongued energetic woman named Anna arrives in town and the two immediately become friends. They decide to pretend to go out to make Louise jealous so Albert can get her back.
Unfortunately, Louise has moved on and is now dating the extremely arrogant town mustachier, a well-groomed fellow named Foy. As much as Albert would like to challenge old Foy, the reality is that he’s a coward. It’s why he lost Louise in the first place and it’s why he’ll never have a woman like her again. Not so, says Anna! She’ll teach him how to shoot, and that way he can duel against Foy and win back the girl of his dreams.
Oh, but there’s one last problem. Anna isn’t telling the whole truth. She’s married to the most ruthless gangster in all the land, and he’s on his way to town RIGHT NOW. The cowardly Albert will not only have to take down his nemesis, Foy, but also the Billy The Kid of his era. Will he be able to do it? And even if he does, can he still avoid one of the million other ways to die in the West? We shall see!
“Million Ways To Die” was surprisingly good, especially for a first draft (although “labeled” first drafts are always tricky to measure. It might mean it was the first draft given to the studio. But it could’ve been the 10th draft they worked on before that point). But here’s what I liked about this script, and it’s a lesson screenwriters everywhere should jot down.
“Million Ways to Die” allowed us to take comedy tropes we’ve seen a million times before, and make them fresh. Think about it. How many comedies have the main character getting dumped by his girlfriend within the first 15 pages? 8 billion? 20 trillion? A lot, right? Which is why they all feel so cliché and lame.
But how many WESTERNS have been made where the main character gets dumped by his girlfriend in the first 15 pages? Not many, right? Welcome to the beauty of changing up the time and setting of your story. You can use all those typical tropes we’ve seen a million times before, and they all come off as fresh and new.
When Anna enters the picture, we even get the, “Pretend to be together to get the ex-girlfriend back but actually fall in love with each other along the way” trope. God, am I sick of seeing that in garden-variety comedies. But here it feels unique and fun. Change the time and setting of your story and thousands of cliché jokes become available to you, because in this new setting, they don’t feel cliché anymore!
MacFarlane (and his co-writers) seem to understand character better this time around, too. Albert has a clear flaw – he’s a coward. And that flaw is constantly being challenged, allowing the writers to explore character. What I mean by that is, when you have a character flaw, you want to constantly give your character opportunities to overcome that flaw and fail (until the very end, of course). So MacFarlane will have a big bar fight break out – allowing Albert a chance to be brave, to fight. Instead he ducks out, still stuck in his cowardice ways.
We even have some dramatic irony working to strong effect here. We know Anna is a gangster’s wife. That he’s coming sooner or later. So we know this relationship, and Albert, are doomed! We’re just waiting for the shit to finally hit the fan. What’s great about this is how seamlessly it ties into Albert’s flaw. If he wants Anna at the end, he’s going to have to overcome his biggest weakness – his cowardice. He’ll have to defeat the most fearless villain to do it.
I think what surprised me most about “Million” is how much I cared. I will contend to the end that comedy stops being funny once you stop caring about the characters. You can write the most genius funny scene ever, but if we stopped giving a shit about your characters 30 minutes ago, you’ll be lucky if you get a chuckle out of us.
But let’s not be foolish. You still gotta bring the funny for a comedy to work, and MacFarlane does. Probably the best running gag was Edward, Albert’s best friend, who’s dating a whore at the local whorehouse. He’s in love with her despite her coming home every day regaling in her day’s work, some of the most raunchy, horrifying sexual experiences you can possibly imagine. I’m talking worse than anything you can find on the internet. And yet, because she and Edward are Christian, she doesn’t want to sleep together until they get married. When Edward suggests lying together one night (not doing anything, just lying in the same bed), she is beyond appalled. “We’re Christian!” she reminds him. And then also reminds him she has an anal appointment at 5:30.
I honestly have no idea how this movie is going to do. That’s the problem when someone takes a chance. You don’t have as much comparative data to work with to predict box office. Plus, Seth MacFarlane in a lead role is a total wildcard. Who knows how audiences are going to respond to that. What I can tell you is that this was a fun and surprisingly well-written screenplay.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: The flaw you give your main character doesn’t have to be inventive. Flaws are often simple universal traits we’re all familiar with. One of the best ways to come up with a flaw is to identify your setting and look for a flaw that seems logical to explore within that setting. The West was big on machismo. So it makes sense to explore a cowardly hero. If I were to write a movie about the financial world, my main character’s flaw would probably be associated with greed. If I were to write a movie about racism, my main character’s flaw might have something to do with ignorance. It’s almost too simple, but that’s how flaws work.
