Genre: Sci-Fi/Thriller
Premise: In a future where people are enhancing their lives with smart technology implants, a successful criminal defense attorney has her body hijacked by an anonymous hacker and struggles to prevent him from using her to commit a series of proxy murders.
About: Today’s script finished in the top 20 of last year’s “Hit List,” the list of the best spec scripts of the year. The writer, Mark Townend, adapted Anthony Bourdain’s novel, BONE IN THE THROAT, which was later produced (although it didn’t do well). I’ve reviewed another script of Townend’s – the high concept, Contingency Protocol – about the government using time travel to hide high-profile witnesses in the past. Warner Brothers picked up this script with an eye on It Girl, Margot Robbie, to star.
Writer: Mark Townend
Details: 109 pages
To be clear, I knew nothing about this script when I opened it other than the genre and that it made The Hit List. There’s nothing I love more than going into sci-fi scripts cold then getting bowled over by a brilliant hook point.
For this reason, I had NO IDEA I’d be reading something that was so similar to the movie I just reviewed last Monday, Upgrade. Yet again we have a dude in someone’s head who can control them. The only difference is that this is a real person and in Upgrade it was a computer.
This should serve as a reminder that it’s REALLY DIFFICULT to come up with original ideas, especially when you’re dealing with science fiction. If a sci-fi idea comes to you easily, there are probably loads of other writers working on something similar. Hold that sci-fi idea of yours to a higher standard and really try to come up with something fresh. A one-of-a-kind idea is a huge advantage in this space.
But hey, Augmented might still kick ass. Or, it might control someone else who kicks ass. Or, it might control us so that we kick ass. Oh, let’s just start the review.
In the near future, 40 year old defense lawyer Olivia Holloway is preparing for one of the biggest closing statements of her life – defending the heir to a giant corporation who’s been accused of killing a young woman.
We quickly learn that in the near future, everyone is augmented with an operating system called “GLAZE.” A chip is built behind your eye that allows you to have a virtual HUD in your field of vision at all times. For this reason, we’re more focused on answering our e-mails and chatting with our friends than we are interacting with the people right in front of us.
There is no one more guilty of this than Olivia, who barely even notices her husband, Brandon, and only addresses her two children to tell them, ironically, to turn off their GLAZEs. She then slyly uses her own GLAZE to target the volume of her kids and turn it down to zero. A cruel action I’m sure every parent who’s reading this review right now wishes to God they had access to.
At trial, Olivia stands to give her closing statement when the unthinkable happens. She can’t move. It’s like she’s having a stroke. Then a voice comes through her ears. A man known as “Judge” tells her he’s now controlling her body. And if she doesn’t tell the entire courtroom that her client is guilty of murder, he will pick up a pen and stab her with it. So she obliges.
Judge then forces Olivia to hurry out of the courtroom and do everything he says – which begins with finding a local cop and killing him. Once done with the cop, he tells Olivia to find a high profile client that she helped beat a murder rap. It’s here where Olivia realizes she’s dealing with the son of the woman that client murdered. He’s using Olivia to get his revenge.
Since Olivia has no control of her extremities, she will need to use all of her wits to manipulate her puppet master, or else face where this is inevitably going – when Judge is finished using Olivia to kill everyone on his list, he’s going to kill her as well.
One thing I like about Townend. He doesn’t mess around with small concepts. He thinks big. He also knows how to write a spec. This script reads very very fast. He knows that when a reader reads a spec – a spec that doesn’t have IP attached and therefore doesn’t have a good shot at getting made – that you have to grab the reader from the first sentence and never let them go. To lose someone for even a minute in a spec could be the difference between success and failure. So he makes each scene count, each line of action count, each line of dialogue count. I dare you to read this script and be bored.
However, the script is fighting an uphill battle in that it feels familiar. We’ve seen a lot of these movies where a dude calls someone and makes them do everything they say “or else.” The twist here is that the bad guy has control over the main character’s body, giving him an extra element of control. But is it enough to freshen up the well-worn idea? Ehhh… I’m not sure it is.
With that said, the script does some interesting things from a screenwriting perspective. In a progressive move, Townend makes his female protagonist a deadbeat wife and mother who gleefully cheats on her husband. One of the oldest “rules” in screenwriting is that you can make your male protag a cheater. But the audience will never accept a female protag who’s a cheater. Neither male nor female audiences get behind a female cheater.
By ignoring that rule, it made Augmented, an otherwise Save-The-Cat formatted thriller, a bit risqué.
Another thing writers will want to pay attention to is how Augmented approaches exposition. When you have a lot of backstory or exposition to convey, have the relevant character be FORCED to give it up. I guarantee no one will know you’re throwing reams of exposition at them.
Judge’s ultimate goal is to get Olivia to admit that she knew the murderer she represented killed Judge’s mother, and yet still defended him. As a result, he’s constantly making her tell him what happened, threatening to stab her if she doesn’t. This allows Olivia to get into all sorts of backstory about why she represented the man and what he said to her and how the trial went down, all without us thinking for a second that we’re being bombarded with exposition.
If there’s a problem with the spec it’s that it all feels a bit boilerplate. Like a beach read. And I understand that that’s the risk you run when you write a balls-to-the-wall thriller. The genre isn’t built to dig deep. But I can’t help but feel like Townend should’ve given us more meat to chew on. Without the meat, it’s hard to get audiences to have an emotional reaction to the proceedings. And while scripts can survive just fine without emotion, the ones that don’t have it fade from memory a lot quicker. So while I think this is worth checking out, I don’t know if I’ll remember it a month from now.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Subtextual Conflict – Remember, overt conflict between characters (screaming, butting heads) has its place, but is often seen as on-the-nose. A better way to explore conflict is through subtext. Read the opening scene of this script. It has Olivia’s family (husband and two children) getting ready for their day. Not once do Olivia or Brandon argue with one another. But boy is there a ton of conflict going on. A disappointed look from Brandon after Olivia doesn’t back him up when he tells the kids to turn off their GLAZEs. A constant lack of eye contact. Olivia putting her GLAZE e-mails as a priority over her husband, who’s sitting right in front of her. Short quick answers to each other’s questions. I have a better feel for this relationship due to its use of subtextual conflict than I do most of the relationships I read after entire scripts.
