Was today’s script written by Taylor Sheridan or Bill Nye The Science Guy?
Genre: Drama
Premise: A billionaire hires a failed astronaut to help him build a ship that will get humanity back to the moon.
About: This is the script straw that, supposedly, broke the camel’s back. That camel being Taylor Sheridan. A couple of weeks ago, the shocking story broke that Sheridan was fleeing his home base, Paramount, and going over to NBC Universal. That deal is somewhere near the 1 billion dollar range. Although there were several reasons cited for Sheridan jumping ship, the Capture The Flag situation is the one that was said got Sheridan riled up. When David Ellison bought the company, he brought in two women as his primary film executives. And one of their first acts was to read this script and send Taylor Sheridan a bunch of notes on it. That ticked him off and he left. Today, we find out if those executives were right.
Writer: Taylor Sheridan
Details: 104 pages
When it comes to screenwriting, there is one decision that is more important than any other.
You guys all know it because you read my site. But it’s nice to be reminded every once in a while. By the way, that’s one of the great things about reading screenplays. You’re constantly being reminded of what works and what doesn’t.
So, what is that decision?
It’s the concept. It’s the concept. It’s the concept.
Without a good concept, you really are up shit creek without a paddle. And the screenwriting shit creek is particularly shitty. It’s not calm. It’s high blustery waves that are coming at you every second. So, without that concept, you’re going to get covered in excrement really fast.
Now, we always talk about concepts in the context of originality and impact. Ideally, you want that big splashy high concept idea that gets people excited.
But what I don’t often talk about is that, even if you don’t have a big splashy concept, you still need a concept that CREATES A STRONG STORY IDEA.
And today’s script is an example of what you get when you don’t have that.
When we meet Jerod Ramsey, he is taking a plane full of civilians up into low-orbit space, the first person to ever achieve the feat. However, Jerod isn’t happy with the result. It only lasts a minute and it doesn’t move the needle of his legacy. He needs something bigger!
While touring JPL headquarters a couple of days later, Jerod sees this really wild two-rowed rocket with 20 separate engines. He says, “WHO MADE THAT!??” And they tell him Randy did. Randy was an astronaut who never made it into space who is now a propulsion specialist. That night, Jerod makes the case to Randy why he should quit and come work for him.
Jerod is determined to get to the moon. Something we… have already done. But I guess everybody in the space world is really excited about doing it again! Except that there’s no money in going to the moon. So Jerod and Randy have to figure out a way to do it cheaper. And Randy’s weirdo two-row 20-engine rocket is what’s going to get them there.
If that sounds boring, don’t worry. Cause they’re also trying to win a contest against other people trying to do the same thing! Oh wait. That sounds boring also. What follows is a whole lotta science! As Randy attempts to use a lot of engineering to achieve something that we already achieved… 55 years ago.
That can’t be it, right? There’s got to be something that ups the ante. Don’t worry, I got you. Jerod gives Randy… A DEADLINE! Yup. That’s the big plot development in the script. Jerod makes Randy work a lot faster than he’s used to. And that gives Randy a lot of anxiety! Meanwhile, Jerod just doesn’t want to die as an unknown rich dude. He wants to leave a legacy behind. So he needs his man Randy to succeed. Will they figure it out? I am not on the edge of my seat hoping to find out.
The big issue with Capture The Flag is that the concept doesn’t have any stakes attached to it. It has a goal! Complete this ship. But there are zero stakes. We’ve already been to space. We’ve already been to the moon. So, if you’re setting a movie in 2025 where the main goal is to get into space and get to the moon, you’re not going to have a whole lot of people interested in what happens next.
Your screenplay’s dead right there. That’s it.
There’s nothing you can do to fix it.
Which is what baffled me so much about this screenplay. I know that Taylor Sheridan understands the importance of stakes. So I spent the majority of this reading experience trying to figure out what it was about this story that made him want to tell it.
My best guess is that a) it’s a very sort of ‘Go America’ type story, which I know he values. It’s about American ingenuity and the race to do something important. And then, I’m guessing that Sheridan has this secret science-nerd part of him that he’s finally letting out. Because a lot of this script is trying to solve complex engineering problems. Maybe Sheridan was inspired by Andy Weir’s The Martian.
If you fail the concept test, is there any shot at your script being good?
Let me answer that with a Scriptshadow tennis analogy.
When I was still competing, I rolled my ankle BADLY in a match. I’ve never felt that much pain before. The next match, I tried to play. I could move pretty well to my right, the direction that didn’t require me to push off the bad ankle. And I could swing fine. I could still serve pretty well. But could I play as competitively as I could before that? No. Not even close. And I lost badly.
Going into a script with a weak concept is like going into a match with a bad ankle. It just makes everything harder.
I don’t know if any of you have been watching The Beast In Me, the new Netflix show, but the main character, Aggie, is a writer. The show is about a rich guy named Nile Jarvis, who’s just moved in next door to Aggie. Nile was recently accused of murdering his wife, who went missing.
Aggie has been stuck on her new book forever. The book is about the friendship between Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia. One day Nile, who she becomes a sort of “frenemy” with, asks her what she’s working on and she tells him about the book. He mimes snoring and says, “That sounds like the most boring book in the world.” She’s, of course, taken aback. And then he says, “You should write about me instead.” So, she does.
This is the perfect example of an idea that’s DOA versus an idea that’s exciting. Friendship between two people on the Supreme Court? Borrrrrrring. A look into the mind of a potential killer where you maybe get a confession? Exciting!
I don’t even know what to say about the specific story of Capture The Flag other than it’s boring as hell! Maybe even more so than a book about Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia. It’s just endless repetitive scenes about engineering breakthroughs on this rocket-spaceship thing they’re trying to build. All very scientifically discussed.
Taylor, buddy, you’re not going to want to hear what I say next. And this comes from someone who’s given a positive review to literally every single thing I’ve read of yours.
But this one? Those female executives were right on the money. I don’t know how you read this script and not have a billion notes for the writer. There’s one exchange near the end of the script that I believe encapsulates everything that’s wrong with the idea. Jerod says: “The one thing that can change that is putting the Magellan on the moon. Help me do that. Help me do that by living out your dream.” Randy stands from the table, walks a distance off. Looks at the sky. Randy: “If you want me to finish it, you have to give it back to NASA.” Jerod: “They’ll never pay the license fee —”
Look, the reason they had so many notes is that the concept doesn’t work. If the concept doesn’t work, EVERY ASPECT OF THE SCRIPT ISN’T GOING TO WORK. So, you’re going to have a million notes. And you’re going to have characters talking about freaking LICENSING FEES during the climax. No script’s climax should ever EVER involve LICENSING FEES!!!!! The reality is, there’s only one true note. That note is: Come up with a better concept. Then all these notes go away.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned 1: Stay in your lane. Taylor Sheridan is EXTREMELY GOOD at writing about Americana. This script shows what happens when you move out of your lane. If you’re an aspiring writer, I would recommend doing what Taylor Sheridan did, which is to keep writing in the same genre until you master it.
What I learned 2: Fictional stories that are written like they’re based on real life stories never work.
