A peek into the mind of the modern successful spec script writer
Genre: Not going to tell you
Premise: A young boat cruise bartender who smuggles drugs up and down her ship’s route meets an intriguing but perpetually drunk man who takes an interest in her trade.
About: Zach Dean has been writing scripts that have appeared on The Black List for years. More recently, he wrote the Chris Pratt Amazon sci-fi movie, “The Tomorrow War.” He also wrote Apple’s upcoming “The Gorge.” He kind of reminds me of a supernatural sci-fi Taylor Sheridan. This script sold for big money to Lionsgate. It will star Johnny Depp in what he’s planning to be his big comeback role.
Writer: Zach Dean
Details: 112 pages
When it comes to what type of spec scripts you should be writing to both sell your script and get a movie made, Zach Dean is a good writer to study. He seems to have tapped into this formula for writing scripts in the 2020s that people both respond to and, ultimately, produce.
Like a lot of Zach Dean scripts, there are twists and turns galore in Day Drinker. So, if you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read the review. Or, at the very least, seek out the script and read it yourself first. Cause the only way to talk about this script is by talking about its unique plot developments. Someone in the comments section should have access to the script.
Lorna is a bartender on a cruise ship called the MS Amnesia which hobnobs around the coast of Spain, stopping at every little port to allow its passengers to enjoy the wares of Spain and its surrounding countries.
One day, while she’s getting ready for work, a man named Kelly shows up. All Kelly wants is a drink. All Kelly ever wants is a drink. She’s not open yet but she makes an exception. He seems jovial enough. But if there was any indication that this would be romantic, she shuts it down immediately. She doesn’t like men. She likes women. Strangely, Kelly seems unbothered.
When the two get to a port in Morocco, Lorna heads inland where she meets some sketchy dudes. These dudes, who we will later learn are heirs to the infamous Lauzzana crime family, give her a bag full of drugs. It’s clear she hates this job but, for reasons we’ll learn later, has no choice but to do it. She heads back to the ship and stashes the bag in the ceiling of her bedroom.
A few stops later, late one evening, Lorna is approached by two scary dudes who inform her that their bag wasn’t where it was supposed to be. She says that’s impossible. She placed it where she always places it. Before the bad guys can press her on that, Kelly appears. He’s drunk, as usual, and the men tell him to get lost. When he says he won’t, they come at him. And boy is that a mistake. Kelly obliterates them with terrifying precision.
Kelly then takes Lorna aside and asks her about her old girlfriend, who went missing. It then becomes clear why Kelly is here. Lorna’s old girlfriend, who was killed by the Lauzzanas, is Kelly’s daughter.
Cut to Barcelona where the Lauzzanas, headed up by Emile and Cara, learn of the deaths of their men. Furious, they send their sons after him, along with several assassins. Bad idea. Kelly disposes of them as well, leaving only one son to regale his parents with the gruesome details of what happened.
We’re getting into some MAJOR SPOILERS going forward so read at your own risk. Lorna is forced to strike a deal with the Lauzzanas in order to get her young sister back from them. The deal is Kelly. So Kelly is brought in, shot dead by Cara, and presumably, our tale is over. OR IS IT!? Let’s just say that, 24 hours later, a howl is heard across the land. And that maybe, just maybe, Kelly isn’t finished killing yet.
I want to bring to light something that not a lot of people in the industry talk about. Because it’s important for screenwriters to know. When you’ve built a reputation, readers will give you more time at the beginning of your script.
They do this because they assume, even if the script starts slowly, you’ve proven yourself and therefore must be starting slowly for a reason.
Day Drinker takes 30 pages before it hits you with its big first plot point – Kelly has more going on than we thought he did, and is able to effortlessly take down three high level mob enforcers.
I would NEEEEEVVVVVVVER advise a new screenwriter to do this. Wait 30 pages before you write your first entertaining scene? Not a chance. The reader wouldn’t even get to page 5 before they gave up, much less page 30. It’s just me reminding you that new screenwriters operate under a stricter set of rules. Entertain them early. Entertain them often. If you want to pull a slow burn, sell a few scripts first.
So, why did this sell?
Well, I think that, for one, it’s a unique set up. I don’t think I’ve ever read a script that takes place on a cruise ship that’s going up and down the coast, focusing on a single bartender’s relationship with a passenger. I wouldn’t say it’s the greatest setup for a story. But in the world of movies where everybody’s seen everything, you get points for ANY kind of unique setup.
Something else that Dean did well here was the strategic way in which he revealed information. I think a lot of writers are eager to tell you what’s going on in their story. Good screenwriters are more judicious about revealing key information points.
For example, we meet this young girl who’s in Emile’s care. We know that she’s not an official part of the family and that some people, like the mother, dislike her. But we don’t know anything else.
It isn’t until 70 pages into the story, after Kelly takes out Lauzzana’s son, that we reveal this girl is Lorna’s sister. She’s been taken hostage by the family to ensure that Lorna does her job. You could’ve easily told us this 50-60 pages ago. But I would argue it hits harder when you tell us now.
Dean is a good judge of that. He really thinks about information as something that can be split up and dispersed of when he sees fit. And I believe all screenwriters should do the same. Don’t always reveal information at the most obvious moment.
Now, let’s get to the final twist. MAJOR SPOILERS FOLLOW. I’m sorry but Kelly being a werewolf didn’t work for me. And, just like Dean has strengths, this seems to be one of his big weaknesses. I saw him do it in Tomorrow War and, to a certain extent, in The Gorge as well. He goes ONE MORE BRIDGE FURTHER than he’s set us up for.
Where was the werewolf thing set up?? And what are we supposed to believe here? That Kelly was both a world class secret agent assassin AND a werewolf?? I don’t even know how to process that information. It just doesn’t make sense and also feels like a cop out – a way to give Kelly one last hurrah.
Not that I didn’t want Kelly to win in the end. I was hoping beyond all hope that he somehow managed to survive Cara shooting him. But a werewolf feels too convenient.
Then again, this is Dean’s thing. He likes the supernatural. He likes going nuts towards the end of his stories. So it’s a creative choice. Some are going to like it. Some aren’t. I would just say that if you’re going to go this route, you need to set it up better. Cause it’s a HUGE ASK of the audience when your script has existed in the real world for 100 pages and now it’s going to exist in the supernatural world for the final 15.
I still liked this script, though. Despite its faults, it’s entertaining. It’s definitely higher quality than the current slate of Black List scripts I review on the site. Check it out if you can.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Show don’t tell. There comes a moment in the script where Kelly has to reveal that he’s Lorna’s dead girlfriend’s father. For big moments like this, avoid dialogue if possible. Dean does this by cleverly having Lorna take the locket off of her neck. Inside is a picture of Lorna’s girlfriend when she was a child with her parents. Lorna takes a closer look at the parents in the locket for the first time, and recognizes Kelly. This allows us to easily understand that Kelly is the father of Lorna’s dead girlfriend without a bunch of stilted exposition. Show don’t tell!
