Genre: Comedy/Holiday
Premise: After finding his dream girl, a young man heads to her small hometown for Christmas, only to realize that the town has an annual “Purge”-like game where, in order to keep the peace 364 days of the year, anyone who has beef with anyone else takes them on in a fight.
About: Jack Waz has had several scripts make the Black List in recent years. This is from last year’s list. In a Creative Screenwriting interview from 2018, this is what Jack said was the key to getting a manager: “Two things: have a great sample, and a personality to match. Your manager and agent are your partners in your career, and you need to treat them as such. Finding people who believe in you and are willing to put up with years of investment before payoff is key. Be honest, open, direct in what you want.”
Writer: Jack Waz
Details: 91 pages
Well, the weather outside is frightful. But the fire is so…
Okay, I’m totally lying. The weather outside here in Los Angeles is a perfect 70 degrees. I’m wearing shorts and sipping an ice-cold Coca Cola. There’s nothing frightful about my situation at all.
But cut me some slack. I’m trying to get in the Christmas spirit. The Christmas spirit back in my hometown of Chicago could be encapsulated in a single word: MISERY.
The snow this time of year wouldn’t even be white. It would be that dirty snow that would get mixed with the fallen snow, turning into a grayish mixture. Combined with the 300 days a year of gray skies in Chi-Town, it’s a miracle I ever learned how to smile.
But once you pull on that sweater, get cozy beside the fire, and light up the Christmas tree, a lot of that frustration melts. Especially when you put on a good Christmas movie.
Which is what I’m hoping to find in today’s script.
Grab your stockings which, by the way, are hung by the chimney without care (I was in a hurry), load up that Red Ryder BB gun, and let’s shoot some people in the eye while summarizing today’s holiday adventure…
Harrison Powell, who’s in his late 20s, is at a bar during the most annoying event of the year, SantaCon, where everyone dresses like Santa and gets wasted. He’s so disgusted by the actions of these Santas that he storms out of the bar.
But as he’s leaving, he runs into the gorgeous Emily, and when the two meet, they know it’s love at first sight. They spend every waking second together and within months, Harrison is ready to propose. Emily invites him to Christmas at her family’s place and his plan is to win her parents over then ask her to marry him.
They travel to the small secluded town of Summit Valley, voted the most peaceful town in the U.S., and after meeting the family, which includes her dad, Tom, who’s the town mayor, they head out to “The Pagent.”
Except when they get to the Pagent, it’s not a pagent at all! Two townspeople who have beef with each other square up… then start beating each other’s brains out! This is when Harrison learns Summit Valley’s secret. In order to keep the peace, the town allows anyone who has beef with someone else to square off in a brawl in the three days leading up to Christmas.
All of a sudden, Harrison is pitted against the teenage store clerk he got snippy with when they came into town. And after he’s done with her, he has to fight the 70+ year old snow plow driver who hates him for no reason.
As Harrison keeps fighting people, he starts to realize that Tom, who came up with this whole ‘Fistmas’ idea, has been cheating every election! And that his plan is to keep everybody in town angry with each other so they don’t realize he’s a terrible person. But Harrison is finally going to reveal it, even if that means losing Emily.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
A bizarre comedic Christmas premise that kinda works?
Let me give Mr. Waz props for, at the very least, coming up with a Christmas idea that I have never encountered before. Every other Christmas script I’m sent is some version of Red One. Santa is kidnapped and our hero needs to save him.
This is most certainly not that.
But does it work?
I’m not sure. It’s like one of those presents you didn’t ask for, so you don’t care about it when you first open it. But then surprisingly you find yourself playing with it a few days later.
One of my big things with writing comedy is that with your big jokes and your big set pieces, to utilize what’s specific about your concept.
And Fistmas does a good job of that.
This movie is all about these Christmas fights. The first fight, Harrison takes on a teenage girl. The second fight, he takes on an old man. The third fight, he fights inside this active snow globe. All of these scenes were either imaginative or funny or both. That part I liked.
But nothing else really works in the script.
You have this Emily romance that’s thrust on us for most of the movie. Yet, Harrison starts falling for her sister? Maybe if Emily was more of a clear villain, that would work. But we liked her. And the only reason we’re given not to like her is that she lives in this weird town.
Which left us without much to grab onto. I’m not sure what the theme of this movie was. It seems to be that leaders take advantage of violence to control people? But the script is too goofy to sell such a sophisticated theme. Let me reiterate that a grown man fights a teenage girl while everyone stands around and cheers. That’s not the kind of movie you try and push a 12 Days A Slave level theme onto.
It seems to also be about how violence is bad. But if that was the point, it wasn’t set up very well. It’s not like Harrison was in the Peace Corps and Emily used to fight in the UFC. It’s almost like the writer stumbled upon that theme and said, “Oh yeah, I guess this is what I’m writing about,” but then never went back to set it up.
Pro Tip: When you discover important things while writing the later parts of your script, make sure to go back and set those things up in future drafts.
Maybe the most frustrating thing about this script is that I think if you had changed the genre, it could’ve been amazing. If you made this a dark mix between the original Finnish version of Speak No Evil, a dash of Get Out, and then Fight Club? This could’ve been iconic. As a comedy it has its moments. But as a dark thriller, it would’ve been badass.
Finally, I will leave you with the best script line I read this month. Props to Jack Waz for coming up with it: “Season’s beatings, motherf**ker.”
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: I hate expected replies to common lines. Here’s an early line and reply.
HARRISON
It’s so great to meet you. Emily’s
told me so much about you.
TOM
All nice things, I hope.
Yaawwwwwwn. I’ve read, “All nice things I hope,” in 600 screenplays.
I could probably even get ChatGPT to create a better response to that line. Actually, I’ll go ask it right now. Give me a second.
Okay, I’m back. Here’s what it gave me for Tom’s response: “It’s nice to hear I made the highlight reel. But you’re here to see the full game, aren’t you?”
Great line? No. Ten times better than “All nice things, I hope?” Definitely.
Dude, if AI is writing better lines than you? You’re not trying hard enough!
