Genre: Drama
Premise: After a young man opens a burger joint, he gets into a war with a salesman who wants to steal his business.
About: “Dededoop dededoop.” Did you hear that? Listen again. “Dededoop dededoop.” Hear it that time? No?? Okay, try imagining a DeLorean. A DeLorean that prefers to go 88 miles per hour. Let’s go a third time: “Dededoop dededoop.” Hear it now? Yup! It’s the ubiquitous sound cue from Back to the Future. Why am I including sound cues from Back to the Future? Because today’s review is an unproduced screenplay from the co-writer of Back to the Future, Bob Gale! Ah, now I have your attention. Not much is known about Jimbo’s Stand other than it hung around for potential development for as long as it could before disappearing forever. Until now!
Writer: Bob Gale
Details: 117 pages (written some time in the 1980s)
This was one of the stranger reading experiences I’ve ever had. I started out thinking, “This probably didn’t get made because Bob Gale is the lesser of the two talents in the Back to the Future team-up and isn’t a very good writer on his own.” Then, 30 pages into the script, I was thinking, “This is one of the best scripts I’ve read all year!” It’s unique, it crackles, it’s full of heart. Then, 60 pages into the script, I realized this was a thinly veiled re-telling of the McDonald’s story. All of the originality went out the room and I was left with what was, essentially, a reverse version of The Founder. Instead of telling the story through Ray Croc’s point-of-view, however, we tell it through the point-of-view of the original creators (or, in this case, creator).
That makes this an interesting case study in that a compelling question can be asked: All else being equal, whose point-of-view makes for the better McDonald’s story? Ray Kroc’s or the original McDonald? The answer is the original McDonald. As we see here, he’s far and away the more sympathetic character. So why tell the story of Ray Kroc instead, as they did in The Founder? Because he’s more famous, of course. You don’t make a biopic about Genghis Khan’s masseuse. You make a biopic about Genghis Khan.
This is something all writers must consider when they come up with an idea. Whose point-of-view should I tell the story from? If you were to write about The Battle of Gettysburg, for example, the story would be drastically different depending on if you told it through the eyes of Union General George Meade or Confederate General Robert E. Lee. Or if you told the story through an individual soldier’s point-of-view. Or an individual nurse. Or a journalist. The options are unlimited and it’s your job as a writer to consider them all before breaking ground.
As for today’s script, it’s told through the eyes of Jimmy “Jimbo” Boatman who’s returning to Springfield after the Korean War. Jimbo already lost his future wife while away, as she’s run off with some salesman to California. But he’s also told that he no longer has his job as a short order cook at his local diner. That’s okay, though. Jimbo decides he’s going to travel west and find his own diner to flip burgers in.
Jimbo drives all the way to San Bernardino, California, where he convinces the owner of a tiny diner called “Eat,” to let him work there for a week. “If I don’t double your profits during that week. You don’t have to pay me a penny.” The owner can’t say no to that. And that’s when we see why Jimbo is so confident. He isn’t just a short order cook. He’s the Tom Cruise in Cocktail of short order cooks. He’ll not only serve you up the best burger you’ve ever tasted. He’ll entertain you in the process.
It isn’t long before the owner sells Jimbo the place and Jimbo turns that “Eat” sign into a “Jimbo’s.” The diner becomes the hottest food joint in town. And Jimbo’s never been happier. That is until Mike Burns shows up, a traveling salesman who’s on the lookout for the next big thing. When he sees Jimbo’s, he knows this is it. Oh, and Mike’s arrival comes with a twist. In the coincidence of all coincidences, this is the man who married Jimbo’s old girlfriend, Carol Anne! Of course, Mike doesn’t know that yet.
Mike offers Jimbo a deal he can’t refuse. He’s going to franchise “Jimbo’s” all across the country and all Jimbo has to do every month is collect a check. Jimbo tells him to fuck off, which infuriates Mike. So Mike does something unthinkable. He goes off and starts the franchise anyway! And he doesn’t stop there. He trademarks “Jimbo’s,” so that not only is it impossible for Jimbo to sue him. But, if he wants, Mike can sue Jimbo!
While Jimbo does win Carol Anne back, Mike’s growing company becomes a nightmare for Jimmy. When franchised “Jimbo’s” start sprouting up in San Bernardino, the two can’t avoid each other any longer. There’s going to be a showdown. That showdown will determine whether Mike or Jimbo will be the one flipping dollar bills for the rest of their lives.
Jimbo’s Stand reminded me that a “tiny” character goal still resonates as long as your hero is passionate about it. This is a movie about a guy who wants to be a short order cook. That’s it! He doesn’t want to win the heavyweight championship of the world. He doesn’t want to become the world’s greatest artist or be the first man on Mars. He wants to be a short order cook.
You’d think that in this day and age, that’d feel small. But Gale does an amazing job selling Jimbo’s zest for the profession. There are numerous scenes where we see how much he loves this job and that’s something a lot of younger writers wouldn’t have included. They’d have one scene to show how much the character loves cooking and that’s it. In Jimbo’s Stand, there isn’t any one scene. The character EMBODIES a cook. It’s who he is. Not what he does.
Gale also has a clear love for this subject matter. That’s another thing writers overlook. You can’t teach a writer to love something he doesn’t. And the difference is whenever you love the subject matter you’re writing about, you go the extra mile to give life to that world. I’ll give you an example.
When we first get to 1953 San Bernardino, a writer who’s writing this script as a job might describe it as, “It’s a desert city on the rise, the future of California.” Instead, here’s how Gale describes it:
And Bernardino in 1953 is a post-war boom town where the car is king… a prototype of suburban sprawl. It’s a town of car lots, gas stations, shopping centers and drive-is, all with ample parking lots. Rows of garish store signs compete for attention and dollars. And everywhere something is under construction.
Jimbo is fascinated. He’s never seen anything like it.
He passes a huge cleared area on the edge of an orange grove with a sign promising “Affordable Family Homes From $8999.”
Further along, a new freeway is under construction.
On another street, Jimbo passes “BOWL-A-RAMA, 32 LANES.” He smiles. He turns a corner, drives along a strip past a TG&Y, a Speed Queen Laundromat, a Car Lot, a Drug Store… Then he slams on his brakes.
You only write with that much detail because you love what you’re writing about. Bob Gale clearly wants to live in this time and place. You can’t fake that.
And that specificity extends to the characters as well. Check out how we detail Mike Burns’ introduction…
The Man is MIKE BURNS. His clothing, like his car, is a little loud and garish, but accomplishes a purpose: people who meet Mike Burns rarely forget him. And, he has a passion for cleanliness. His clothes are cleaned and he looks like he’s just stepped out of the shower.
If that’s not enough, we get even FURTHER clarification on who this character is via Mike’s first character action…
As Burns heads in, he circles wide to avoid passing close to a woman with a 5 YEAR OLD BOY. He reacts to the child with mild uneasiness.
These days writers might describe Mike Burns this way: “He’s a slick-suited hustler with an attitude.” I’m not saying a good short description doesn’t work if you can pull it off. But if it takes a little longer to describe someone perfectly, do it. Because in the end, all that matters is that the reader can imagine the character. If you’re too vague, you run the risk of the character feeling fuzzy, which is the case with 90% of the characters I read in amateur scripts.
Where Jimbo’s Stand goes wrong is in its final 40 pages. This was a script that was most comfortable when it was building Jimbo’s life up, not tearing it down. Once we get to the tear, the story starts feeling manufactured. Each page brings about a Mike with a longer mustache that can more easily be twirled. And the ending, which was clearly inspired by old Frank Capra movies, was so over-the-top it bordered on parody. Which was too bad, because this script really could’ve been great.
Having said that, I’m going to include a script link and encourage you to check it out. The writing itself is awesome. And the setup for the story is flawless. Those things alone are worth learning from. So enjoy!
Script Link: Jimbo’s Stand
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: When your character’s goal in life is small compared to what we usually see in movies, you need to romanticize that goal for the audience so they can see it the way the character does. There are numerous scenes, such as Jimbo explaining to another character how he fell in love with the job, that romanticize what would otherwise seem like a tiny dream.
