A mysterious writer makes the Black List without any managers or agents!
Genre: Drama/Thriller
Premise: A New York publicist’s life starts to unravel when he’s suspected of killing his co-worker.
About: It took my scrolling through three dozen loglines, but I FINALLY found a script on the Black List that didn’t start with the words, “Based on a true story…” or “The real life story of…” But here’s what really caught my eye about today’s script. All the other scripts on the Black List have two managers listed, two agents, a couple of producers, a production company, and sometimes a studio. This script? It just had a small production company listed. No representation. That’s an indication that a script REALLY DID build its reputation on quality alone (and not, ahem, campaigning). I’m smelling a good one here, guys.
Writer: Topher Rhys-Lawrence
Details: 100 pages
Was talking to a writer yesterday who’d read a terrible screenplay that had sold and he was pissed off that all these “bad” writers were breaking in while he was still a “nobody.” “If these guys are getting in with these shitty scripts, why am I still stuck on the bottom?”
Look, guys, you can’t control what scripts sell. There are a hundred different reasons sales happen, a lot of them a mystery to us. But even if that weren’t the case, comparing your progress to someone else’s is always a no-win scenario. Think of screenwriting like golf. Your only opponent is yourself.
And the way golfers get better is through discipline. Going out and hitting thousands of balls. That’s what you have to do. Sit down and write thousands of sentences. Discipline is your way into the industry.
I have no doubt it’s discipline that got Topher onto the Black List. This script shows the kind of craftsmanship you only get through a lot of practice. Let’s take a look.
Reade McCarthy is 32 years old and so close to his goal. He’s the second best publicist at his firm and the founder is retiring in a year, setting him up to take her place. The only one in his way is Valerie, a volumptuous strategist who wants to be the big cahuna just as badly as Reade does.
Meanwhile, Reade is doing his best American Psycho impression, tending to his body and look with the kind of attention even an OCD disorder would find disturbing. Maybe if he took a little of that attention and spent it on his stunning fiancé, Tasha, she wouldn’t be having doubts abour their relationship.
Doubts which are well-founded, since Reade is secretly fucking Nicolette, a bombshell blonde who’s batshit bonkers. Nicolette is Reade’s dirty little secret, the one thing he can’t control and therefore his one source of excitement.
But that area of Reade’s life is about to get a lot more complicated. After eviscerating his nemesis, Valerie, at a party, he finds out the next day that she was murdered. And, of course, since everyone saw Reade screaming at her, he’s the prime suspect.
If that weren’t bad enough, Reade starts seeing a man around New York who looks exactly like him, albeit disheveled and homeless. As he does his best to manage these issues, the firm hires Valerie’s replacement, Sebastian Ryan, basically the same person as Reade, but better at everything. Reade’s biggest nightmare.
Like a strange combination of American Psycho, Fight Club, and Mr. Robot, USP watches New York’s preeminent control-freak struggle helplessly as he loses control over everything.
Character pieces are the scripts most likely to fall apart due to the fact that they don’t have traditional goals to guide the story. Colin Trevorrow’s script “Stealing Time,” may not have been very good. But it had a clear goal – find the pieces of the device before the bad guys did.
With USP, there isn’t a goal. So you have to find other ways to push the reader through the story. One of those ways is to “lead.” Again, leading is implying something important is going to happen later in the story, which in turn entices the reader to stick around until that moment happens. You’re basically dangling a carrot.
For example, after Valerie dies, this Sebastian guy comes in. And after a couple of dick-measuring scenes, Reade says he wants to invite Sebastian out, get to know him better. With Sebastian now Reade’s main competition, this is a meet-up we’re curious to see. So from now until that scene, we’ll stick around.
In addition to this, good character pieces need things to be in disarray. Shit must be falling apart so that the reader will want to stick around to see if it gets fixed or not. Take Reade’s girlfriend, for example, Tasha. She’s starting to pull away from him as he becomes more and more unraveled. That’s an area of “disarray” we’re curious about. We’ll stick around to see if Reade can fix that problem.
But I’ll tell you the moment in USP when I knew I was dealing with a legitimate screenwriter. It’s a scene that comes up in the middle of the story. Reade’s life is crumbling. And he’s out with Tasha when he runs into Nicollete, the crazy unpredictable woman he’s having an affair with. Tasha watches from afar as Nicollete approaches Reade. It’s clear from Tasha’s point of view that there’s something going on between these two.
Not wanting to make a scene, she waits for their conversation to end, approaches Reade, and asks to leave, so she can question him about this without creating a spectacle. Nicollete, still nearby, overhears this and turns around, getting her long overdue opportunity to interact with the woman Reade chose over her.
Now, I’m going to ask you to visualize the scene the way you would write it. How would this “confrontation” go down in your book? I encourage you to go as far as writing out the dialogue. Once you’re done, come back here and read the below. This is what happens next…
NICOLETTE: I’m so sorry! I must have given you the wrong impression but we’re just old friends. We haven’t seen each other in years and wanted to catch up. He was talking me through a guy problem. Hope you don’t mind.
TASHA: Reade, it’s getting late.
NICOLETTE: Problem Guy and I didn’t end well. I carried his baby for four months, and, well, you probably don’t know the toll it takes on a gal when you’re asked to get rid of it. And then he got rid of me as soon as he realized that I didn’t fit into the press release of his life he’d been writing for himself.
A rigid beat between the three.
NICOLETTE (CONT’D): It was a girl. Problem Guy asked me never to tell him. But I guess I’m just not that big of a person.
For those who’ve been trying to crack this craft for awhile, they know exactly why this scene is good. Beginners, on the other hand, might wonder what the big deal is. Here’s the big deal. 90% of writers would’ve written an on-the-nose confrontation between these two women. One of them would’ve accused the other of doing something bad. The other girl yells back. Maybe things get physical.
The genius of this moment is that Nicollete tells Tasha her and Reade’s entire story under the pretense of it being someone else. It’s indirect. And it’s not only a subtle way to approach the confrontation, but as a character choice, it’s much more devious and clever. Even if Tasha were to say something, Nicollete could shrug her shoulders and reply, “I don’t know what you mean. This is something that happened with my old boyfriend.” Way more interesting than, “I know you’re fucking my fiancé.”
I say this as someone who has read SO MUCH ON-THE-NOSE dialogue over the past month in the contest. I rarely encounter a scene as clever as this one. If you’re going to become a good screenwriter, this is a skill you need to learn. Figuring out creative ways to explore conversations that we’ve seen a million times before is a pay-worthy skill. You’re not going to be able to do it all the time. But if you can do it during a few key scenes, you’ll be well on your way to cracking the screenplay code.
Untitled Sociopath Project is the kind of script that the Black List used to celebrate before Sgt. Biopic and Colonel True Story’s army stormed Screenplay Island. It’s voicy, it’s unique, it’s got an offbeat main character. And most importantly, it’s well-executed. This is a trippy surprise you’re going to want to read if you get a chance.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Some of you may remember how I hated The Libertine. And you might be asking, “Wait a minute, Carson. How is it you gave today’s asshole main character a pass when you eviscerated The Libertine’s asshole main character??” I’ll tell you exactly why. If you’re going to write an asshole character, he has to suffer for his asshole-ness. That’s this entire script. Reade’s life is falling apart because of what a terrible person he is. My issue with The Libertine is that that guy was a dickhead the entire movie and didn’t have to pay a dime for it. And worst of all, his big problem (raping someone) was solved at the end without him having to do anything! So if you’re going to write a terrible person, make sure they pay the price for being a terrible person.
