Genre: Political/Drama/Thriller
Premise: While looking into a client’s murder, a Los Angeles social worker stumbles on a political conspiracy in the wake of the 1987 Whittier Earthquake.
About: This script finished in the top 15 of last year’s Black List. Both writers have done a lot of short films but this is definitely their biggest success to date. Although there have been a lot of criticisms lobbed at the Black List lately, one thing they’re definitely doing is celebrating brand new writers. I don’t think there is any writer on this list that has had a long career.
Writer: Ben Mehlman & Filipe F. Coutinho.
Details: 131 pages
I picked this script to read for a very specific reason. As we all know by now, management companies have figured out a way to game the Black List. This is why you see the same managers on there year in and year out. I don’t begrudge them for it. They’re just working the system to get their writers noticed. And, in some cases, the managers have the goods.
But I always take those Black List entries with a grain of salt because I know the managers have reached out to the voters and made sure they voted for their writers. There are a couple of entries in the top 10 that benefited immensely from this. I’m not going to name names but there’s one writer in particular who’s made the top 10 twice now who, in my opinion, shouldn’t have even made the bottom 10.
I’m saying all of this because today’s entry is from a management company, Mazo Partners, that I’ve never heard of before. Which means these guys don’t have their own personal, “Black List Vote Marketing” team. Theoretically, that means this script actually earned its stripes. And it does sort of carry that vibe with it. There’s a Chinatown feel to its setup. It even has a cool picture on the title page. Should Robert Towne be shaking in his boots? Is his “best screenplay of all time” title about to be revoked? Let’s find out!
It’s 1987. While flying into Los Angeles, 47 year old Whittier social worker, Jackie, spots a 16 year old kid, JD, freaking out about the turbulence. She goes over to him, settles him down, but just as they’re about to land, everyone in the plane starts mumbling. Jackie and JD look out the window to see that Los Angeles is currently shaking from an earthquake.
When Jackie gets back to Whittier, she learns that her community has been hit the hardest. The state of California pledges to help out the folks of Whittier, bestowing them with 60 million dollars so they can rebuild.
Meanwhile Jackie and her new assistant, Tracy, get called in by the police as they have a 16 year old who was caught dealing coke (remember, it’s the 80s!), and what do you know – it’s JD. Because the earthquake has plugged up all the shelters, Jackie and Tracy are forced to send JD into some outdoor tent city, something neither of them are proud of.
Well their guilt is about to skyrocket as JD turns up dead several days later. For reasons I’m still unclear about, Jackie has zero interest in looking into her new plane friend’s murder and only does so because Tracy is so distraught about it.
Around this time, the infamous 1987 Black Monday stock market collapse occurs and a guy Jackie is sleeping with (named Guy), informs her that the money she invested with him is all gone. Furious, she screams at Guy. But Guy says don’t worry, he has a new “sure thing” investment where she can make all her money back and more. Just give him 30 grand. She says she doesn’t have 30 grand. And this is where the character actions in this script go bonkers – she borrows 30 grand through a loan shark to give to the guy who just lost all her money.
Jackie keeps digging into JD’s murder and eventually stumbles across the suspicious actions of Whittier’s Director of Treasury, Patrick Sy, who lost all 60 million dollars the state sent him for earthquake recovery in the Black Monday market crash. Long story short, Patrick never lost the money. He just said he did so he could use it for another project of his: gentrifying Whittier. A few more things happen but that’s the general gist of the plot.
We often talk about likability when it comes to our protagonists. But likability (or lack there of) are not the only things that influence whether we want to root for the hero or not. Another thing that influences us is stupidity. If our hero does something really stupid, we won’t root for them. When Jackie lost her entire net worth to this shyster con man and then willingly borrowed 30 grand from a loan shark at, probably, 50% interest, to invest in another money scam of his, I lost all respect for her.
You have to be so careful with the character creation aspect of your protagonist because your protagonist, unlike secondary characters or plot beats, is in EVERY SINGLE SCENE OF THE SCREENPLAY. So if we don’t like them for whatever reason, nothing else you write matters. You could have the greatest plot in the world. We won’t care.
I was also baffled that Jackie shares a very emotional and intense moment with this scared kid on a plane, and then when he’s murdered a few days later, she can’t be bothered to look into his case. It made an already frustrating character even more frustrating.
“Whittier” is clearly inspired by Chinatown, which is dangerous in so many ways, the most obvious of which being: How can you possibly compete with one of the best movies ever? Once you’ve made it clear to the reader that this is the movie that’s influenced you, everyone reading will compare your characters to the characters in that movie, your plot beats to the plot beats in that movie. And you will lose every time. Not because you’re a bad writer. But because a great movie is magic. It’s lightning in a bottle. It happens once every 2-3 years. You just can’t compete with that. Which is why I tell writers to go write something new, so people can’t compare it to anything.
But even if you strip away that argument, the stakes aren’t big enough for this story. When I found out that the twist was gentrification… I mean… I don’t know any movie plot where that’s going to move the needle. It’s not big enough. With that said, I’m not sure Chinatown’s stakes were that high (relatively speaking) either. But these days, the game is different. The stakes need to be high and feel like they matter.
Finally, when you’re tackling stories that have complex city government storylines, the writing has to be so sophisticated. We have to believe that you’ve actually lived in this world. Because if you haven’t, or you haven’t done years of research, it starts to feel a little keystone cop-y. Robert Towne knew that world soooo well. And his treatment of it was incredibly sophisticated. Today’s script didn’t feel that way.
I’m being harsh here, I know. It’s not a bad script. But those cornerstone pieces of a screenplay – the main character, the stakes – they need to be A+. They can’t be B- or C+. You can have some C+ secondary characters or subplots. But not for the stuff that matters. Those have to be a perfect or near perfect grade.
Unfortunately, this didn’t make the cut for me.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: For these more “upscale” murder-mysteries that have a big hook, the ending reveal needs to be bigger than the hook itself. So if your hook is an earthquake, your ending reveal has to be bigger than an earthquake. Gentrification does not feel bigger than an earthquake. Which means your plot ends with a whimper. If I may quote the famous marketing director of Porker Pipes, when it comes to your ending, “Go Big or Go Home.”
