I’m out of it, guys. I’ve got no energy left. That book release added a good 60 hours to my work week last week. This is how out of it I am. For the last two days, I believed that Luca Guadagnino and Yorgos Lanthimos were the same director. Would’ve bet my life on it.
So I can’t do a review today. Instead, I’m just going to tell you what I’m thinking for as long as my fingers will type. Cause I wanted to get a post up. The first thing I want to talk about is American Fiction. It won the screenwriting Academy Award so I had to watch it and I must say, it was a tale of two movies. One great movie, one terrible movie.
Everything that had to do with the fake book and his fake persona was AWESOME. By the way, that isn’t easy to do in 2024. In the real world, people would sniff this out in a second. Social media will bust anybody lying. They somehow got around that issue by ignoring it. And it worked!
But you know what didn’t work? EVERYTHING ELSE. I’m going to spoil this for you so you’ve been warned. Our main character has a father who committed suicide by shooting himself in the head. He has a mother who has Alzheimer’s. He has a sister, who we spend several scenes with, who then DIES OF A HEART ATTACK. And he has a gay drug-addicted brother too.
I just talked about this in my dialogue book (not too exhausted to get that link up apparently!). Melodrama. Going with the extreme version of every choice. Could ONE family member just be a normal person… alive!? That aspect of the script was so bad I actually expected it to be some meta thing that was part of the satire which would be explained in the end. “This is how you write a bad script!” That was going to be the theme or something and they were going to point out all the melodramatic choices that were made during the script. But NOPE. They didn’t do that. That was genuinely what the writer chose. AND HE WON AN OSCAR FOR IT!?
Can we even trust Oscar anymore? That shiny gold faceless liar.
By the way, in the end, when Jeffrey Wright’s character comes to the producer to do the adaptation of the fake book, is he coming to him as the real author or as his fake persona author? They didn’t make that clear.
I want to know why Scarlett Johansson is going to be in a Jurassic World movie. I thought she was done makin dat money and was entering a part of her career where she was going to do whatever artsy roles she wanted. Jurassic World is for a brand new up-and-coming actor, like Chris Pratt when he first signed on. It’s not for people like Scarlett. Scarlett don’t need monay. Help me out here. What she doin?
As I alluded to yesterday, Happy Gilmore 2 is coming. This is arguably the greatest comedic character ever created. And I know these 20-year gap sequels always suck but can a guy just hope? Because the actor who plays Shooter McGavin revealed to the world that when he last saw Adam Sandler, Sandler pulled out the script for Happy Gilmore 2.
Now, when I first saw this story, I thought two things. I thought, “Okay, that doesn’t mean anything. Sandler is making a million movies.” Second, I thought Shooter was doing Adam dirty. Cause announcing movies like that is a gigantic deal. If you betray a star’s trust who gives you that information as a secret, you could be blacklisted.
That’s when it hit me. There’s no way he would’ve done that unless he had Sandler’s permission. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, IT WAS ALL PLANNED. They came up with this idea together. Not that I care. Because it means the movie is really coming. But I didn’t like to have to do all those mental gymnastics to get there.
Anyone want to give the plot of Happy Gilmore 2 a shot in the comments. Pretty sure at least half of you can come up with a better idea than Sandler’s writers. Ooooh, dis. Why you gotta be so mean, Carson?
What else is going on? Godgilla vs. King Kong – which already came out two years ago – just came out again and made 80 million bucks. This goes to show you that all you really need in a screenplay is a giant monster. Cause they re-released a movie that just came out 2 years ago and nobody noticed! They all went back to the theater. That tells me that every screenplay now needs a giant monster.
Giant Monster Showdown 2024? Hmmmm…. me shall think about it.
Finally, the most important news in all of Hollywood right now. Shakira saw Barbie with her sons and they all found it emasculating. And you know how I respond to that? “Finally somebody said it!” Cause it’s true of course. I’m just glad that somebody had the cajones to say it. Thank you Shakira.
And thank you to all of you!
And good night.
Cause I’m exhausted.
