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Okay babes, buckle up your Marc Jacobs because we’re about to take a trip through the land of TV tantrums, Emmy snubs, and delusional hot takes — and yes, there will be sass!
Here’s the sitch: I am crawling across the desert of Post-Peak TV begging for a drop of decent storytelling. Where is my oasis??
Let’s review the battlefield:
–White Lotus? Flawless. Give me more depressed rich people, like, yesterday.
–The Bear? Girl. What is happening. It went from Michelin star to microwave burrito faster than my last situationship.
–Severance? Too smart. Like, I get it, you’re genius. I’m exhausted.
–Slow Horses? Every human over 60 has threatened to disown me because I “don’t appreciate British espionage.” Sorry, Grandpa, I’m bored.
-And The Studio? LOVED. But like every late night fling, it ghosted me. Rude.
So no, I’m not here to dissect every Emmy nom like Mario Lopez on Entertainment Tonight. What I am here for is this snubs article from Variety that’s throwing tantrums over all the “undeniably amazing” shows and performances that didn’t get nominated. Like, okay, calm down.
Spoiler alert: I do not agree with half of it and am ready to flip tables, Snookie-style.
So yeah — if you’re looking for calm, nuanced commentary… wrong website! Things are about to get snarky, dramatic, and a little bit ratchet. Let’s yank this list up our legs like it’s a pair of 2012 skinny jeans.
My hot take air fryer has been warmed up.
Commence politically incorrect opinions in 3……..2…….1……..
Surprise: No ‘Last of Us’ Season 2 Fatigue for the Show’s Key Players (despite weak second season reception)
With Pedro Pascal being Hollywood’s front man for Trans rights and Bella Ramsey being the poster person for non-binary humans, this show could’ve replaced itself with a montage of 80s commercials and these two still would’ve gotten nominated. Come on, Variety, you shouldn’t be surprised by this at all.
Snub: Patrick Schwarzenegger, Michelle Monaghan, Sam Nivola and Leslie Bibb Didn’t Check Into the Awards Race With ‘White Lotus’ Co-Stars
This isn’t as damning a snub as it first seems. Cause all of these actors knocked it out of the park, especially the Terminator’s son. The problem is, they only have so many slots to put actors in. Some of these categories have as many as four White Lotus actors duking it out against each other. So, of course they can’t fit any more. Don’t get me wrong. THEY SHOULD. If it were up to me, White Lotus would have 87 nominations and take over every category. But I guess they think that would be unfair or something.
Snub: Elisabeth Moss not nominated for the last season of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’
Nobody has cared about this show literally since the first season. Ironically enough, the only time anybody knows that the show is still running is when these nominations come out and Elisabeth Moss gets nominated for whatever the hell character she plays in the show AGAIN. I’m guessing that, last season, The Handmaiden’s Tale lost the last 7 people who were watching it and, therefore, nobody knew it was on anymore, which is the only reason Moss didn’t get nominated again.
Surprise: ‘The Residence’ Star Uzo Aduba Scores Even Though Netflix Cancelled the Series
A rare Shondaland miss. The Shonda hasn’t been knocking it out of the park lately. It wasn’t the worst concept in the world (the president is killed in a whodunnit) but there was something about the tone that was a little too kooky for a drama. It also, oddly, felt like it was populated exclusively with Broadway actors, which didn’t help.
Surprise: Meghann Fahy gets a nod for “Sirens”
I am an unabashed Meghann Fahy fan. Or, as we call ourselves, “Fahy Fannies.” She comes from the White Lotus tree so of course I love her. Even though “Drop” did everything in its power to permanently destroy the concept of suspension of disbelief, I still liked her performance. And Sirens, while not great, was better than you thought it was going to be. That and it has the greatest young actress on the planet, Millie Alcock. Better watch out Sydney Sweeney. Millies coming for you!
Snub: ‘Agatha All Along’ Missed in All Acting Categories
Wow, are you telling me that a show that catered to an extremely limited demographic starring a character nobody outside of die-hard Marvel fans have ever heard of from a production studio that has imploded on television had a show that didn’t garner any Emmy nominations???? SHOCKING!!!!!
Snub: Tina Fey’s Buzzy “The Four Seasons” Only Lands One Nomination
This surprised me a little bit.. It surprised me because Tina Fey is thought of as the screenwriting messiah in Hollywood. And the concept is very awards friendly. It has this unique conceit of a group of friends coming together once a season. It also has a high profile death in the mix, which usually gets voters loins lubricating. And it does start to get its tentacles into you in those last four episodes. This might simply be the ultimate example of there being too much product out there and it’s impossible to keep up with it all.
Snub: Paul Giamatti Can’t Jump in With ‘Black Mirror’
This is a real shame because this was a great episode of television. It was so heartfelt and I loved that it reminded us how effective you can be telling a simple story cheaply in the sci-fi space if the execution is sharp. All you gotta do is lean into the characters. Again, I think when it comes to single episodes, it’s nearly impossible to stand out. There are 8000 new episodes of fictional television a year. People aren’t going to be able to find them all.
Surprise: No Acting Love for ‘Andor’
Unhinged rant incoming! The surprise here isn’t that no actors got nominated for Andor. The surprise is that ANDOR GOT NOMINATED FOR ANYTHING AT ALL! The show was AWWWWWFFFFUUUUULLLLL. It was a terrible terrible show with a terrible boring main character and a pointless storyline. I literally tried to watch the last season 8 times. Each time, I would fall asleep within ten minutes. There was one set piece where characters just walked around a giant house in the mountains and had the most boring conversations ever that went on for 25 minutes. Every night I would pick up where I left off, WE’D STILL BE IN THIS STUPID HOUSE! THIS IS STAR WARS FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did we get here????? I promise you that George Lucas would’ve never approved of a 25 minute sequence where characters walk around a house and chat with each other! They spent 600 million (!!!!!!!!!) dollars on this show!!!!!!! They could’ve made THREE STAR WARS MOVIES FOR THAT. Instead, they made a show about the 90th most interesting character in the Star Wars universe who only got a shot at this show because audiences believed, when they were walking into Rogue One, that they were seeing a sequel for The Force Awakens! And that wasn’t by accident, by the way! Nobody cares about this show. It’s the biggest waste of money in the history of Hollywood and they’re desperately trying to justify it by clinging onto anything they can use to say it was worth it, such as Emmy nominations. The fact that this show isn’t seen as Ishtar x 100 is only because Disney made so much money off of Marvel that they could withstand a 600 million dollar mistake. Which is crazy but it’s true.
Snub: ‘The Bear’ Creator Chris Storer left out of the race.
You should be left out, Chris. This show was great when it was the only thing you were writing. Once you took on 10 other projects and started writing entire episodes in an hour, the show blew. Thank god some people in Hollywood can recognize that. Rotten Tomatoes still seems to think it’s Season 1 with the reviews they’re giving. I will watch episode 5 of the new season though as Carmy goes to Oak Park, where I grew up. :)
Snub: ‘Industry’ Is Closed for Awards Business
I tried to watch this show several times and thought it was pretty good. But it always gave off this aura of trying to be a bigger show than it was. It thought it was top-notch TV when it was simple cheap escapism. I do like that girl who came out of that show, though, Marisa Abela. She’s going to be big.
Snub: The Cast of ‘Righteous Gemstones’
I don’t have strong feelings about this show— love or hate. It’s just there, doing its thing. But it’s clear that the comedy is being shipped into each episode via a time machine circa 2005. The humor leans heavily on tropes and punchlines that might’ve landed back when flip phones were hot, but now they go over like semi-stale bread.
Snub: ‘Squid Games’ Ignored
Awwwwwww. Squid Games no get any love? Poor Squid Games. Poor widdle-iddle Squid Games. Let’s be real here people. This show only worked in the shadow of the pandemic when folks were desperate to escape their realties. Once the pandemic was over, the cream began to curdle and what once felt shocking now felt silly. I feel sorry for the people who went into seasons 2 and 3 thinking they were going to see something good. They must’ve missed the interview that the writer did where he said the only reason he was doing a second season was to get paid. Hey, props for honesty, right?
Snub: Natasha Lyonne Had a Losing Hand With ‘Poker Face’
Is there a show whose gimmick runs out faster than Poker Face? You’re tired of this chick by the 15th minute of the pilot episode. And this show was expecting awards attention??? Natasha Lyonne is like the odd-looking Sesame Street puppet that needed to be cut from the show at the last second. You can only take her in doses of 5-10 minutes at a time. Once you go over that limit, its like being forced into the world’s worst acid trip. Good for the voters for recognizing this show is all hype and zero depth. Sometimes they do get it right!
Snub: Allison Janney Can’t Get the Vote
I’m about to introduce a peripheral spoiler here for The Diplomat. So, if you don’t want to spoil this show, stop reading. This show had the single worst cliffhanger to a season that I’ve ever seen in my life, and Allison Janney was directly connected to that cliffhanger. So, am I mad that she didn’t get a nomination? No. I don’t want any bad writing to get recognized. And the writing of that twist was — I can’t even imagine being in that writer’s room and everybody putting their stamp on it. If you want to know what bad writing looks like, Youtube search for the last scene of season 2 of The Diplomat.
