TV Pilot – Dakota

It’s another pilot day here at Scriptshadow. Today we take a look at a show from the writer of Easy A!

Genre: TV Pilot – Comedy/Light Sci-Fi
Premise: A young female filmmaker obsessed with a long since dead rock star, finds herself travelling back in time, where she meets and falls in love with him.
About: This pilot was written by the same writer who wrote “Easy A.” Word on the street is that the script was good, but whoever directed it ruined it and that was the last time poor “Dakota” saw the light of day. Bert Royal is known as a gifted writer who hasn’t had to work very hard for his success. His first professional writing gig, a play, was written while Royal was unemployed and living at his dad’s house. He actually told his father the reason he needed to move in was to “write something,” then promptly spent the next few months doing nothing but watching TV. It wasn’t until his dad asked to see what he was writing that Royal force-fed a play onto the page. Lo and behold, that play went on to get picked up!
Writer: Bert V. Royal
Details: 55 pages

I was talking to Miss Scriptshadow about this one. I said, “I don’t know, Miss Scriptshadow. I don’t think I’m the audience for this. It’s got entitled rich girls who are actresses, directors, and celebutants. There’s a drop-dead gorgeous rock star. There’s a five-minute musical sequence that spans two time periods. As a straight non-female, I just don’t think this was written for me.”

She conceded that I might need some help, particularly because, like Royal, she too is inspired by trashy television. She’s actually seen shows like Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars, which clearly inspired Royal. So she snagged the script and we both started reading it. Now in honor of Royal’s love for trashy television, I’ve decided to review this entire pilot while watching The Bachelorette, which is down to the hometown dates.

Oh come on, Des! You have zero chemistry with Zak and don’t like him! You should’ve never met his family. #dontleadmenon

Dakota follows 22 year old Maya Beaumont. Maya is obsessed with this hot (and talented) rock star who committed suicide 20 years ago named Joey Dakota (a cross between Jeff Buckley and Jim Morrison I’m guessing). It just so happens Maya is the daughter of Joey’s manager and best friend, Nicky, which has given her some extra insight into the singer’s life. Unfortunately, her parents died in a car accident when she was five, so she doesn’t know much about them either.

This is probably why she just finished a documentary on Dakota’s music and tragic death. So much of her life is connected to this man, that the more she can learn about him, the better. Her obsession isn’t exactly helping her love life though. She’s scared off every boyfriend she’s ever had since none of them feel like they can measure up to the brooding Joey Dakota.

Oh my gawd, the family is actually SINGING A SONG they wrote for Des. Most awkward hometown date EV-ER!

So one day, Maya is minding her own business when she gets a secret package under the door that says “Joey Dakota didn’t commit suicide.” She rips opens the package, which has a CD with a song inside called “Come Back To Me,” that to Maya’s knowledge has never been recorded. Listening to the song makes her woozy and she passes out. When she wakes up, it’s 1990, the prime of Joey’s career!

The two bump into each other after one of his concerts and start hanging out, instantly falling in love. Ironically, Joey’s manager, Nicky (who will give birth to Maya in a few years) doesn’t like this mysterious chick who came out of nowhere and tells Joey to ditch her. That problem takes care of itself though, as Maya eventually wakes up back in the present day.

To me, Drew is just creepy. There’s something “American Psycho” about him. Don’t The Bachelor producers see this? Where is Chris Harrison when you need him?

There, she tries to convince her hot actress best friend that she travelled back in time and met Joey. Kinda believing her, they locate the man who sent her the mysterious CD. He tells her he can get her back to see Joey again. She’s excited, as she also wants to talk with her parents more. The man is taken aback. “Nobody’s told you,” he says. “Told me what?” “Your father’s not dead.” “He’s not?” “Your father is in prison. For the murder of Joey Dakota.”

Duh duh duh duhhhhhh. The End.

It’s Week 3 of my Pilot Warm-Up reviews and while I’m definitely becoming more familiar with these small-screen Rubik’s cubes, I’m not sure I’m reading the best material out there. I’ve gotten to the point where I know most of the feature writers. So if a script comes in, I have a good idea if it’s going to be good just by seeing who wrote it. Here, I’m more in the dark. Just because you’re a good feature writer doesn’t mean you’re going to be a good TV writer. So if you know of any good TV pilots, out there, send them to me!

Speaking of, as I read this, I couldn’t help but notice it felt more like a movie than a TV show. There really aren’t that many characters, which leaves very few people we want to continue to get to know as the show goes on. Everything comes down to this relationship between Maya and Joey, and I don’t know if that’s enough.

This is so awkward. This guy’s dad, who’s a chiropractor, is giving Desiree a back alignment! Not cool for a first time ‘meet the parents’ moment.

Are we just going to keep bouncing back and forth between the present and the past, with Maya continuously screwing up the timeline? I’d imagine that’d get boring by episode 6. While I didn’t fall in love with County last week, I could at least see characters that had long-term potential. For example, the main character was clearly going to have to fight against his flaw of wanting to help everyone in a system designed to help no one. It’s easy to imagine a hundred episodes of that. I’m not sure we even deal with any character flaws here, and character flaws that can’t be overcome are the heart of television, aren’t they?

#bachelorette. Chris says “there’s no way any of the other guys have a connection like us,” but I see no way he’s making it to the final two. #deadmanwalking

Another thing you have to establish (in a TV pilot or a movie) is the character hierarchy. Who’s who and what’s their connection to everyone else? The way all of the key characters were connected here felt clumsy. We meet Maya premiering her documentary about Joey Dakota, and her obsession with Dakota feels the way a daughter would obsess over the father she never had. But, of course, if Dakota is her father, that neutralizes any romantic storyline between the two, so Dakota is moved from a father to the friend and client of Nicky, who is Maya’s father. The best way I can describe this is it felt “made up.” Joey Dakota even lives in Nicky’s house, who’s married. What international rock star lives in his manager and wife’s home??

On top of all this, “Dakota” is so plot-based (needing to set up Maya’s obsession with Joey Dakota, the backstory of her parents, the time-travelling, and the two falling in love) that it took away from Royal’s biggest strength – his dialogue! That’s what really shined and what set him apart when he broke through with Easy A. I remember when that script came out, everyone kept saying, “the dialogue, the dialogue, the dialogue!” We get a little of that here with Maya and her friends, and then flashes of it with her and Dakota, but otherwise we’re too busy jumping from plot-point to plot point.

#bachelornation Oh my God! Zak threw his family heirloom ring OUT THE WINDOW after getting dumped. O.M.G.! Top Ten Bachelor Moment!!!

This is proof of just how difficult pilots can be, in that you have to set up all your characters AND your plot in this tiny little 45 minute chunk. This is particularly true with a pilot that’s plot-centric, like this one. If I were a show-runner on this (which I’m sure network execs would just be thrilled about) I’d work really hard to develop ALL the other characters and not just the main two. And I wouldn’t make everyone so vapid (not everybody has to be beautiful and stupid). I would try to get into who these people were and how they became this way. Isn’t that why we write TV, to explore people? I asked Miss SS if this was an accurate representation of the script and she looked at me and said, “Huh?” “The pilot?” I said. “What’d you think?” “Oh, I stopped reading that an hour ago. I’m watching The Bachelorette now.”

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If you’re going to write a pilot that’s plot-heavy, know that writing in all that plot is going to take time away from setting up your characters. Since almost all TV is character-based, this is a risky move.

If you want to see me review more pilots, send me the good professional pilots that are out there! carsonreeves1@gmail.com.