REMEMBER THAT SCENE SHOWDOWN IS AT THE END OF THE MONTH. SUBMISSION DETAILS BELOW!
What: Scene Showdown
Rules: Scene must be 5 pages or less
When: Friday, March 28
Deadline: Thursday, March 27, 10pm Pacific Time
Submit: Script title, Genre, 50 words setting up the scene (optional), pdf of the scene
Where: carsonreeves3@gmail.com
A big reason I’m tracking White Lotus on the site every Monday is to see if Mike White can pull it off. Three straight seasons of a great show. It’s hard to do. And last week was the first time I spotted a loose piece of thread on the shirt.
One of the ways you can tell when writing is going bad is when it loses purpose. Things are happening on screen but you’re not entirely sure why they were included. With good writing, every scene, every moment, adds something to the story, whether it be the plot or something important about the character we didn’t know before. And it all falls under the umbrella of a story that’s building towards a conclusion.
I didn’t get a sense of that last week. That whole “get high and go watch a snake show” sequence (two characters leave the hotel to watch a local snake show), felt like a bad outtake from a rejected Hangover sequel. It was the opposite of purposeful. I had no idea why it was in the story and that usually indicates that the writer is trying to fill up time. That’s when you know you’re in trouble – when you’re just filling up pages so that the episode or movie can be long enough.
I’m sure Mike White has a different interpretation of why he included that sequence but there’s no question the last episode was the worst of the first three. So I went into this one hoping it was a one-off issue.
Was it?
Well, guys…
I’m getting worried. My White Lotus BVDs need a cleanin’.
Something I wanted to do with this episode was identify a great scene so I could share it with you here as inspiration for Scene Showdown. Mike White is a great scene-writer. So color me WTF’d when I got to the end of the episode without seeing a single good scene.
Almost every single moment in the script is a scene snippet as part of a larger sequence. One of the plotlines of this episode was that the loopy Ratliff family goes on a giant yacht courtesy of a girl Saxson met at the hotel. The whole yacht plotline was random and unfocused. We’d see the dad, Timothy, drinking and mumbling to himself. We’d see Saxson encouraging his little brother, Lochlan, to talk to girls. We’d see mom, Victoria, complain about her social anxiety.
But WHERE WERE THE SCENES!???
Scenes require structure. They require a beginning, a middle, and an end. They require someone who wants something, then that goal is complicated by conflict, then they either get what they want or they don’t.
The closest thing we got to that was Chelsea sitting her perpetually antagonistic older boyfriend, Rick, down and asking why he’s acted so weird the whole trip and why he’s demanding to take a side trip to Bangkok tomorrow (that’s the goal for the scene. She wants to know what’s up with him). He hems and haws, not wanting to tell her (that’s our conflict). But she pushes and, finally, he relents, telling her (spoiler) that the owner of this hotel killed his father. And he wants revenge.
While it’s the most “scene-y” scene in the episode, it isn’t a very good scene. The last three episodes have so heavily hinted at why Rick is here that the reveal isn’t surprising. Which means that *we* don’t benefit from the scene. Only Chelsea does. She’s now caught up with us. But how is that entertaining to the viewer? It isn’t.
Mike White is playing a dangerous game of what I call “swimming in sequences.” Sequences are, basically, long scenes. The argument for them is this: instead of coming up with a perfect beginning, middle, and end for a scene every two minutes, why not create a larger sequence – one with a bunch of scene snippets – and use that to create your beginning, middle, and end.
And when you’re on top of your sequence writing – when you deftly outline their beginning, middle, and end – they can work. Just like scenes work. But because sequences are so much longer, it’s easier to get lost in them. And the next thing you know, you’ve got 6-7 scene snippets, but because they’re not tightly constructed enough, the sequence feels loose and unconfident.
Which is exactly how this boat sequence felt. Where was the goal of the sequence? Without that, you’re screwed. Cause now nobody in the audience knows what we need from this boat ride! If you gave us SOME KIND of entry point, I would’ve been okay with that. For example, Saxson likes this French prostitute woman who invited them on the boat – the one who’s currently the girlfriend of the man who owns the boat. Okay, so give Saxon the goal of trying to have sex with her.
That’s actually a pretty strong entry point into the sequence – to try to have sex with the woman who’s beholden to the boat’s owner. Lot of potential conflict there. Lots of potential danger in the fallout. But we don’t get anything close to that.
I think back to the original season of The White Lotus, and they had these great scenes, like when Shane (the entitled rich newlywed) would challenge Armond (the hotel manager) about him screwing up their room booking. Armond, who would privately realize Shane was right but refuse to admit it, would have these marathon scenes with Shane where he would dance around saying sorry and look for ways to fix the problem that Shane was never satisfied with.
I liked those scenes so much, I highlighted one in my dialogue book.
We’re not getting enough of that this season and that’s usually an indication that the writer has lost the plot. They’re not really sure what the show/season is about. They’re not really sure what each individual character’s storyline is. They’re not really sure where they are in the season. When that happens, you throw in these big chunks of story that can eat up time in an episode (sequences) and you just, sort of, have stuff happen in them, like Saxson and Lochlan hitting on some Thai wives for 3 minutes.
It’s lacking definition and I’m legitimately worried. Cause I love this show so much. But I also know how hard it is to write an extended story well. Sometimes I believe that all writing is just a house of cards and that if a writer is forced to write for long enough, the story will fall apart. Which is why the first movie in a franchise is awesome. Second movie, not so much. Third movie, getting worse.
Same thing with TV. Each season seems to get a little sloppier. Until we reach that final season, where the show starts to get back on track. The reason for that is, the show has purpose again. It’s going to end at the end of the season. So the writer can now write towards a goal, instead of being stuck out in the ocean clinging to any piece of conflict or unresolved relationship issue he can find.
But the good news is, you can manage this problem if you understand its pitfalls, which I’ve just laid out for you. Structure is everything. The more you move away from it, the more trouble you’ll find yourself in. Create strong beginnings, middles, and ends to scenes. Definitely create strong beginnings, middles, and ends to sequences. As long as you’re doing that, you’re giving yourself a chance. :)
