There was a time, many years ago, where I thought the extensive analysis by a lot of the screenwriting teachers out there was overkill. I remember when Terry Rossio, on his site, Wordplayer, said he sometimes took weeks just to figure out the NAMES of his characters.
“Weeks?” I thought. They’re character names! Name them Bob, Jane, and Sara and move on to the important stuff!
Today? I couldn’t agree with him more. Names are soooooooo important. The right name projects an image in the reader’s head. Imagine if Hannibal Lecter had been named Bob Harris. Well-named characters also make a script way easier to read. Weak names that writers didn’t put any effort into are always the characters I forget first.
But this article isn’t about naming characters. At least not directly. Yesterday, in my “What I learned” section, I pointed out that different adverbs created a different impact in how the reader envisioned the character.
“Olivia, hair now pulled lazily back in a bandana…”.
“Olivia, hair now pulled defiantly back in a bandana…”.
“Olivia, hair now pulled playfully back in a bandana…”.
“Olivia, hair now pulled joylessly back in a bandana…”.
“Olivia, hair now pulled painfully back in a bandana…”.
There were some comments indicating it didn’t matter what you chose. It’s a stupid adverb so, so what? A reader is not going to like or dislike your pilot based on what adverb is used on page 5.
I understand this point of view because it’s the exact same point of view I used to have. It’s a tiny sentence in a sea of 25,000 words. There are bigger fish to fry than a dumb adverb.
But over time, I’ve learned that while not EVERY word matters, a lot of them do. Not understanding the importance of which moments need those stellar word choices is holding you back from taking your writing to the next level.
In the case of this adverb, there’s a lot more going on than you realize. Forgettable characters is one of the top five mistakes I encounter in script reading. Characters are either so weak, so bland, so generic, or so simplistic, that they leave zero impression on me and I’ve forgotten them within ten minutes of finishing the script.
I’ll read 10-20 scripts in a row where not a single character makes an impression on me. Which shouldn’t be surprising when you think back to your own recent moviegoing experiences. How many characters do you remember from the last ten movies you saw? And these are characters that have the benefit of an actor playing them. They’re easier to remember than characters who only have a name to remember. And still there are so many forgettable ones.
Another detail to keep in mind is that most characters are made or broken in their first few scenes. We either get a good feel for the character and are interested in seeing more of them or we’re apathetic towards them and have little interest in seeing more.
So what you say early on about a character MATTERS. It matters A LOT. I wrote an article about this. I think it was titled, The Fastest Way to Improve Your Script Right Now, and it talked about the importance of your characters’ introduction scenes.
Screenwriters often make the mistake of assuming that the complex charming dynamic character they have in their head is just going to naturally ooze out onto the page, like syrup being poured over fresh pancakes. That’s not how it works, folks. You must use targeted words and actions to properly sell your character to the reader.
Let’s say you have a protagonist named Larry. It’s early in the script. This is one of Larry’s first scenes. Larry is driving home from work and he gets to a stoplight with a sign that says, ‘No right turn on red.’
This is a prime opportunity for a reader to tell us about the character. Larry can wait patiently all the way until the light turns green or he can check both ways to make sure he doesn’t see any cops, then take a right turn on red.
That little clip tells us a lot about Larry. In one instance, he’s a guy who always follows the rules. In the other, he’s an impatient dude who’s always taking shortcuts.
Now you may think to yourself, “Well that’s dumb Carson. It’s one small moment. Who cares?” Congratulations, you’ve just identified yourself as the writer who doesn’t think about the moments that EXPLAIN to the reader who your character is.
You defiantly know your rule-following protagonist will organically come out over the course of the screenplay. Guess what. You’re then also the one getting the note, “I never had a good feel this character.” By the way, that’s one of the most common notes I give. And it can be solved simply by putting more thought into the words and actions you give your characters early on.
That’s an example of an action. But let’s get back to words because that was the original inspiration for this article.
Let’s say Larry parks his car in his driveway, gets out, and walks inside. This may seem to most writers like an insignificant moment and, therefore, something to get out of the way as soon as possible. They have this great scene in their head about how Larry’s wife is mad at him so the quicker we get to that, the better.
But this is another opportunity to tell us more about Larry simply by THE WAY HE WALKS. Check out some options you have…
Larry walks to the house.
Larry struts to the house.
Larry proceeds to the house
Larry wanders towards the house.
The practice of tagging in more expressive verbs for common actions should never be about varying the way the read is presented. It should be about CONVEYING INFORMATION. Larry “walks” to the house gives us absolutely zero information. It’s so generic as to almost not exist.
But consider what a reader thinks when you say your hero “struts” to the house. That implies something. It implies a character who’s confident. Things are going well for him. It paints a picture for us of who this man is.
Same deal with “proceeds.” “Proceeds” has an almost robotic connotation. This is a man who deals in ones and zeroes. Not a lot of complexity. See house, proceed to house. In comparison, “wanders” implies Larry is more of a space cadet. Or maybe that his mind is somewhere else.
While this is a simplistic example, it’s one of the best representations of how powerful words are in a screenplay. By switching out just ONE WORD, we get three completely different versions of Larry. And when it’s early on in a script and the reader is desperately trying to get a handle on who all the characters are, stuff like this helps A TON.
You want to extend this practice out into the characters’ environments as well. If we’re in Larry’s office, the words you use can convey a ton about him. It doesn’t even have to be some pretty word or sentence. It can be matter of fact. “Larry’s desk is drowning in unfinished work.” That gives us a different feel for Larry than, “Larry’s desk is so spotless it shines.”
Again, you want to find words that place images into your readers’ heads. “Drowning” is better than “overwhelmed.” “Shines” is better than “really clean.” Coming up with strong visual words is always challenging but it’s better than writing the generic version. Generic thoughtless description leads to generic bland imagery in the reader’s head. The reader is never going to do the work for you. That’s your job.
Which brings us back to Olivia’s hair. Is it really that bad if we just say, “Olivia, hair now pulled back in a bandana?” No. This sentence will get the job done. But if this is your approach to writing in general, the chances that you’ve written a generic screenplay are high. Every scene is an opportunity to put us inside the movie with your characters. If you’re not taking that opportunity, the reading experience is often forgettable.
As tempting as it is to be lazy and give us the quick version, remember that readers not only appreciate you going the extra mile, but also have a lot more fun when you do so.
Carson does feature screenplay consultations, TV Pilot Consultations, and logline consultations. Logline consultations go for $25 a piece or $40 for unlimited tweaking. You get a 1-10 rating, a 200-word evaluation, and a rewrite of the logline. They’re extremely popular so if you haven’t tried one out yet, I encourage you to give it a shot. If you’re interested in any consultation package, e-mail Carsonreeves1@gmail.com with the subject line: CONSULTATION. Don’t start writing a script or sending a script out blind. Let Scriptshadow help you get it in shape first!
