Last week, I invited all of you to query me with your scripts. Whoever had the best query got a script review. I reviewed that winner yesterday. And the script was pretty good!
Today, I want to give you a template for writing all of your future queries. This template is built on the thousands upon thousands of queries that have been sent to me over the years.
But before we get into the actual query, let’s talk mindset. Unless you have the right mindset, your queries will always be a mess. The proper mindset to have is: This person I’m sending this e-mail to is busy. They’re not interested in anything anybody has to send them that they don’t know. Therefore, I have to capture their interest quickly and efficiently, and then get out.
If you have that mindset, the response rate to your queries is going to go up radically.
In addition to that, remember that the person you’re sending the query to only cares about one thing: “Does this script sound like something I’d want to make into a movie?” That’s it. Which is why you want to keep things sparse. So that, if they want to, they can jump straight to the logline to determine if they like it or not.
By the way, this is why picking the best concept possible 12 months ago was so important. For THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW. Because the producer/agent/manager you’re sending this to doesn’t care about your query. They care about the script. If you field-tested your concept a year ago, and you know people liked it, and you know it’s marketable, that’s going to pay off BIG TIME right now when you start querying people.
A lot of people ask me, when it comes to querying, should you include your personality? I used to think this was THE ONLY THING that mattered in querying. That queries were about entertaining the recipient. Making them laugh enough so that they’d remember you. But it’s not about that at all. I can count how many times ON ONE HAND that I was wowed by the query itself (not the logline).
Some light personality for genre-relevant queries (if you’ve written a comedy, for example, and want to display your humor) is fine. But the reader didn’t sign up for your stand-up routine. They’re trying to get through their day as efficiently as possible. They’re whipping through their e-mails. They see yours. They don’t know who you are. They’re opening it with about 20% of their concentration.
All they care about is: IS THIS A MOVIE IDEA THAT’S RIGHT FOR THEM?
Okay, now that we know the mindset behind writing the query, how do we actually write it? Let’s begin with the subject line. You have some flexibility here. But I’m going to keep going back to this mantra of: Keep it simple. My go-to is, give us the genre and give us a popular movie it’s in the vein of. You get extra points if the “in the vein of” movie is something that the recipient is connected to. Here are some examples.
Subject: Horror script in the vein of Weapons
Subject: Period thriller in the vein of One Battle After Another
Subject: Romantic Thriller in the vein of The Housemaid
You, of course, have some flexibility here. You can use crossovers as well: “Horror script. Housemaid meets Sinners.” But I’d limit it to those two options.
By the way, don’t use movie comps that didn’t make money. Don’t even use movie comps that made average money. Only use hits. And don’t use any old movies as single comps. It’ll make you look out of touch. But you can use one classic movie if you’re doing a crossover (“Rear Window meets Weapons”).
Okay, the next couple of steps are going to benefit heavily from you doing your research (which can be done through your favorite AI and IMDB Pro). Your queries will get ignored by 95% of the people you send them to if you address the recipient as a collective. “Dear sirs” equals trashed e-mail. “Dear to whom it may concern” equals recipient stops reading. You need to do your homework and address the person specifically.
“Dear James,” or “Hi Jennifer,” Use a real name!
Next, you’re going to introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is Carson.” Again, you’re keeping it simple. This should actually be the easiest part of your query.
Now, you’re going to butter them up. Buttering these people up is a lot more important than you think. If they believe you genuinely know who they are and what they’re responsible for, they’re going to like you. And if they like you, they’re going to read your query through a positive mindset.
If someone tells me that they love Scriptshadow and that they read it every morning. Or, even better, that they’ve been reading ever since [some very specific popular script review that only true Scriptshadow readers know about] then I’m now rooting for them. I’m literally rooting for them to win me over with their logline. Whereas, when someone clearly heard of my site through some third party and doesn’t know who I am and they’re just taking a shot in the dark at sending me something, I feel zero remorse for skimming through their query.
Here’s an ideal “buttering them up” line for an agent: “I’m a huge fan of your client Ryan Olsen’s Black List screenplay, Time Force. It was my favorite screenplay of the year.”
Should you lie during the “buttering them up” segment? Absolutely. It’s no different from actors putting all those bullshit skills on their resumes. All that matters is that you develop some sense of rapport in that moment. Because, here’s the truth: If you give them a script that makes them money, they’re not going to give a shit whether you lied to them or not. Nor will they likely find out anyway. I doubt the moment is going to come where they’re on the verge of repping you, but only if you can tell them what Kage Jackson’s fatal flaw was in Time Force. (spoiler alert: Kage Jackson has two fatal flaws, one for his Future Self and one for his Past Self)
After you butter them up, you’re going to use a very short and simple line: “I have a script that I think you’ll love.” Don’t say “like.” Use the word “love.”
Then you’re going to use a quick sentence to sell the logline. You’ll say something like, “It’s a movie that harkens back to those great action films they used to make in the 90s.” Or, “It’s what an Ari Aster movie would look like if it were a romance.”
Then, you give the classic, title, genre, and logline, vertically. You do this for a specific reason. You want to create visual isolation for your pitch’s key info so that if the recipient is busy, they can easily jump to it. I see too many writers burying their logline inside long paragraphs. Producers hate that. They want to be able to see it separate from everything else.
Title: For Your Heart Only
Genre: Romance/Horror
Logline: When a young demented man falls deeply in love with a woman, he cuts her heart out and places it inside of himself, so he can be as close to her as possible.
After that, you want to write a simple line whose only purpose is to say you’ll send the script over if they’re interested. Something like: “Let me know if you’d like to read it and I’ll send it right over!”
Close the message out: “Sincerely, Carson”
And that’s it. That’s your query. You don’t want to mess around here. You don’t want to overthink it. You’re just here to pitch a logline. That’s it. So don’t get in your own way by clogging up your logline with your biography or an additional summary of the script. The visual that presents is: WALL OF WORDS. And there’s no faster way to get someone to delete an anonymous person’s e-mail than a WALL OF WORDS.
Okay, without further ado, here is how the uninterrupted query should look…
Subject line: Romantic Thriller in the vein of Hereditary
Hi Nick,
My name is Carson Reeves. I’m a huge fan of the movies you’ve produced. I’ve watched Bloody Martyr a dozen times at least. I have a script that I think you’ll love. It’s what an Ari Aster movie would look like if it were a romance.
Title: For Your Heart Only
Genre: Romance/Horror
Logline: When a young demented man falls deeply in love with a woman, he cuts her heart out and places it inside of himself, so he can be as close to her as possible.
Let me know if you’d like to read it and I’ll send it right over!
Sincerely,
Carson
If you want to clean up your own query, I do query consultations for 60 bucks. That includes three follow-up e-mails where we make adjustments to your query until it’s perfect. E-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com if you’re interested. Or, if you need a consultation on your entire screenplay, we can do that too!
