A lot of people are talking about Ridley Scott’s latest film, The Dog Stars, bombing at the box office, snagging just 8 million bucks on its opening weekend. And all I could think was, “Uhhh… how did you NOT see this coming?”
This remains one of Hollywood’s biggest blind spots. They put together packages and not movies. Let’s take The Dog Stars out of this. Doesn’t matter what the project is. When someone comes to you with a package that has mega-director Ridley Scott directing and shooting star Jacob Elordi starring, every single executive at every single studio says “yes.” Every time. Cause it’s a strong package.
The downside of that? The Dog Stars. Dud dud DUD subject matter.
I actually read The Dog Stars (the novel) and I specifically remember finishing it, dropping it down on the floor and, in theatrical fashion, screaming, “That’s it!????” The book was about some guy who’s mourning his dead dog in the apocalypse. Almost nothing happens in the story. And what’s up with this premise?? Why do we need to go to the apocalypse to explore someone’s feelings about their dead dog? YOU CAN DO THAT IN THE PRESENT!
I eventually concluded that the only reason the book became popular was because it made people cry. That’s it. “Dead dog. Sad.” That could be the logline of the book. I’m not kidding. It made no sense as a story and even less sense as a movie. I didn’t keep up with the development of the project but it looks like they may have changed some things and turned it into more of a basic apocalyptic adventure.
And guess what? That’s EXACTLY why no one went to see it! You watch that trailer and you say, “This is a basic bitch apocalyptic story.” The only thing that differentiates it is the dead dog stuff and they knew if they led with that in the trailers EVEN LESS people would’ve shown up. Which begs the question: WHY DID THEY MAKE THIS MOVIE???
I’m starting to realize that studios don’t have the control in this town anymore. They had it for awhile when people went to see superhero movies. But nowadays? The directors have all the control. Specifically the top 10 directors. Whatever those 10 directors want to do, the studios have to do them.
I’m learning this even as I hear rumors regarding The Ballad of the Ember Knight. Not from Aaron or Kieran or Brennan (they won’t tell me anything because they’re afraid I’ll spill the beans on the site). I’m hearing it from my other contacts. All they care about now is getting one of those top 10 directors attached. And the word on the street is that they’re very close! And once you get that director, you get that actor. And now it’s a huge package. That project is on a buzzy run like I’ve never seen.
I feel bad for Coyote vs ACME. Here is a movie that got ditched, was celebrated as this canceled tour-de-force. And then it sat in a trash can. Then another studio bought it. And finally it’s being released.
And after allllllllllllll that, nobody went to see it. All that celebration for nothing! The problem, of course, is that the big story (of how secretly amazing the movie was) was being spread to the exact demographic (people over 30) who had absolutely zero interest in seeing the movie.
You could’ve said Coyote vs. Acme was better than Casablanca and it wouldn’t have mattered. It’s a movie for little children. And I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think 7year-old Joey was sitting in the sandbox telling 7 year-old Billy, “You know, I just think Warner Brothers completely mishandled the Coyote vs. Acme situation.”
But all is not bad with the box office! Especially if your name is either Christopher Nolan or Spider-Man.
What’s crazy about the success of these two films is that they’re the two most adult films of the summer. The Odyssey’s success is particularly impressive when you consider that, prior to its opening, its claim to fame was being something your English teacher forced you to read. Christopher Nolan somehow took a homework nightmare and turned it into $1.4 billion.
And then you have Spider-Man, which is easily the most adult Spider-Man film ever made. Which is a risk when you think about it. Spider-Man is uniquely high school. But this latest iteration went deeper into the character than ever before, culminating in a very adult, character-driven finale. I know people in their 60s who love this movie. Sony better take half the profits they made from this film and invest it in cloning technology so they can keep Tom Holland around forever.
Speaking of Sony, I had a meeting there last week. I was meeting with a producer and he is all in on family films. If there is a great family film script, he wants it. “Get me an awesome four quadrant script, Carson!” I was kinda busting his balls a bit about how many family films he makes and he said, “Hey, this is my way to compete with IP. I don’t have Spider-Man. I don’t have Fast & Furious. But I have holidays. Everybody knows what Christmas and Halloween and Independence Day are. So I can use those to get big movies made.”
I’m not a family film guy but I know what a good concept looks like. So if you guys have one, keep me in mind!
Finally, I continue to look for something, ANYTHING, to watch on TV. I’ve gotten pretty desperate. It’s like clockwork with these shows. Two episodes are good and then the writing COMPLETELY falls apart. Why? Because the whole system for how shows are made is faulty. The only script you show them is the pilot. So you can spend an entire year getting it perfect. And because you always end the pilot with a fun cliffhanger, the second episode is usually good too. But now you’re writing the other six episodes in six months! Of course the writing is going to suck.
I decided to take a shot at Sterling Point, an Amazon show about a New York girl who inherits a tiny island in Canada and heads up there, where she discovers there are many mysteries to discover about her past. I’m five episodes in and while there are definitely aspects of what I just said (the lead girl’s brother – played by Mark Ruffalo’s kid – follows her up there and, within 24 hours, throws himself a giant birthday party that everybody comes to despite the fact that literally nobody knows who he is), the show is quite good.
If you ever spent your summers away from home when you were young, you know the strange little world that gets created. You’re surrounded by people you’ve never met before, nobody knows who you were back home, the entire social hierarchy has been wiped clean, and suddenly you’re free to become somebody different. Throw in raging hormones, that girl/guy you’re obsessed with, instant friendships, and that weird knowledge that this whole thing has an expiration date, and everything feels ten times more intense. Sterling Point does an amazing job of capturing that very specific feeling.
Most important of all, as is the secret to making anything with impact, the main character is instantly lovable. You’ll follow her anywhere. She’s very sympathetic and sweet and raw and open and we want so desperately for her to find the truth to all these questions she has.
Writing, in many ways, is so simple. Write us a character we love and we’ll come back week after week to watch them. And the nice thing about the script is that it’s got some plot to it as well. So it’s not all soap opera scenes. It’s worth checking out.
What are you guys watching? What did you see? Is Coyote vs. Acme as good as everyone says it is?
