10 DAYS LEFT TO ENTER THE FIRST ACT CONTEST!

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What: The first act of your screenplay
Deadline: May 1st, 11:59 PM Pacific Time
Where: carsonreeves3@gmail.com
Include: title, genre, logline, any extra info you want me to know, a pdf of the act.
Cost: Free!
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Okay, on to more entries that failed to make the Anything Goes Amateur Showdown. The objective here is to take you behind the curtain so you can see what goes on in my head when I receive an entry. I’m hoping that by detailing the evaluation process, it will not only help the writers of these scripts improve their future loglines and queries, but help everyone here improve their loglines as well.

As always, if any of these scripts sound great, make sure to share that opinion in the comments. If something gets a ton of love, I’ll review it. Enjoy!

Title:  Cheese Curls and Dirty Swimming Pools
Genre:  Comedy
Logline:  An elderly pool cleaner meets a naive young woman and introduces her to his world of psycho sexual deviancy and inadvertenly gets them entangled in a deadly mafia organization’s plot to assassinate a rival.
Why you should read:  Anything goes?  Well I think this definitley fits that description.  A script 20 years in the making.  Started off as a movie we actually made in high school and just kept rewriting.  Funny.  Dark. Strange.  Twists and turns.  Lets see if it all these years of working this thing can muster some laughs.

Why I didn’t pick it: This is an interesting one because the writer makes a good point. The showdown is called “Anything Goes.” That would imply that I want weird unique screenplays that take chances. Which is what Cheese Curls most definitely is. However, in doing this as long as I have, I’ve learned that while “kitchen sink” type loglines are fun, the number of writers who can actually deliver on the promise of that wackiness is miniscule. Whenever I pick one of these scripts up, they become incoherent within 20 pages. So I use the submission e-mail to decode whether this entry is an exception to the rule, or more proof of it. A few things stood out. “Inadvertenly” is spelled wrong. “Definitley” is spelled wrong. They’ve written “Lets” instead of “Let’s.” That’s three mistakes in less than a 100 word e-mail submission. That indicates a lack of attention to detail, which tells me I’m probably getting another incoherent kitchen sink mess. I also don’t like how the logline ends. A logline ending is important. Ideally, it’s the part of the logline that has the most punch. You want the reader leaving the logline thinking, “I have to read this!” Instead, the end of this logline is the least interesting part of the logline. 1) An elderly pool cleaner is a unique main character. 2) I like the contrast of a naive young woman entering into psycho sexual deviancy. 3) I’m not thrilled about the mafia element but, when combined with the other two elements, there’s potential there for an interesting clash. But then, out of nowhere, we’re assassinating some nameless generic rival. That sounds really boring and doesn’t connect to the rest of the logline in an interesting way. It absolutely destroys the logline and was the deciding factor for why I didn’t pick this.

Title: Meat is Murder
Genre: WWII / Sci-Fi-Action
Logline: The Nazis have created the Überhuman and are about to win WWII. David, a Jewish Wehrmacht soldier, who serves at the Eastern front under a false identity, must come to terms with his role as a Nazi-collaborator in order to prevent a global war of annihilation. “Django Unchained” meets “Valkyrie”.
Why you should read: What if Superman came down over the German Reich? –This script is set at the Eastern Front, told from the German perspective. The action set pieces are unique to the concept and backdrop and cannot be found in any other movie. It’s also a very weird script. In a way, I hope it’s weird enough to not be taken too seriously in the conventional sense, considering that the majority of the hideous atrocities of the Germans were committed in the East. I hope I have approached the subject matter with enough piety. Thanks in advance and kudos to everyone who participated.

Why I didn’t pick it: One of the harder loglines to write is the “mythology” logline. Science Fiction, Fantasy, Alternative Timelines, Long Ago Period Pieces. These loglines typically need you to set up the world before you tell us who the main character is, what his journey will be, and who stands in front of him. Which will often result in a two-sentence logline. Two-sentence loglines are doable. But they create challenges. You’re placing a period in the middle of a pitch that is supposed to flow from beginning to end. Because he’s dealing with the mythology issue, I don’t fault today’s writer for starting us off with, “The Nazis have created the Überhuman and are about to win WWII.”  But when combined with the second sentence, there does seem to be a lack of enthusiasm to provide the reader with a clean effortless pitch. It’s clunky. And you don’t want your logline to be clunky. It implies to the reader that reading your script will also be clunky. Not to mention, the title doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with the story being pitched. That’s often a red flag. I might’ve tried to pull this logline off in one sentence: “A Jewish Wehrmacht soldier serving under a false identity must come to terms with his role as a Nazi-collaborator and prevent the German army from unleashing its newest weapon, the Überhuman.”

Title: Britt Johnson
Genre: Western
Logline: After Comanche raiders abduct his family, former slave Britt Johnson joins the Texas Rangers to bring them home.
Why You Should Read: This script was featured briefly in an Amateur Showdown on Scriptshadow. Since then, it has undergone numerous rewrites and the result is, I believe, an action-packed, gritty script that tells a story that few readers have seen or experienced before.

Why I didn’t pick it: I know.  Confusing.  This already made an Amateur Showdown once.  So does that mean it’s an example of what’s good or what’s bad?  The competition was stiffer this time around, which meant that each logline was put under more scrutiny.  And this time, Britt didn’t make the cut.  This logline shows you how even the simplest logline can be tricky to pull off. The first couple of times I read it, I thought the story was this: A guy’s family is abducted by Comanches. He’s able to get his family back, and now he’s going to “bring them home,” presumably traveling over a long distance where he and his family encounter many obstacles. But upon the third time reading it, I realized, “Oh, wait. He’s joining the Texas Rangers and they’re going to go to confront the Comanche, fight them, and get his family back.” The words “bring them home” did not convey that at all, which is why I was fooled. In my opinion, this is the most boring logline rendition possible for what sounds like a cool story. It’s your job as the writer to illicit that coolness in the logline. I would’ve gone with something like this… After Comanche raiders kill his son and abduct his wife and daughters, notorious former slave, Britt Johnson, joins the Texas Rangers to track down the Comanche and save his remaining family at all costs.

Title: PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
Genre: Contained action-thriller
Logline: When a suburban family home is invaded by a group of serial killers it seems certain that every captive will die horribly, but then the killers decide to order pizza…
Why you should read it: An actor who has starred in many action films read the script, really liked it, and wants to play the pizza delivery guy.Now the script is with two directors, who are currently deciding whether to become attached to the project.

Why I didn’t pick it: Our greatest strength as writers – that we live in our head – is also our biggest weakness. We often lack the ability to see our scripts, our pitches, our loglines, through the eyes of a reader who has no reference whatsoever for what we’ve put in front of them. As a result, we can’t identify what it is they may not get. “Pizza Delivery Guy” is labeled a “Contained Action-Thriller,” yet everything about the logline screams, “Goofy Comedy.” When I can’t match up the logline to the genre, I take the easy way out and move on to the next submission. In other words, if you’re going to pitch your story as an Action-Thriller, the logline should read like so. Also, this logline needs more information. “…but then the killers decide to order pizza…” can literally lead to 10 million different scenarios. The pizza guy shows up and… what? What does he do? This is, presumably, going to be 75% (or more) of your movie. You can’t leave that much of your movie unanswered in the logline. This is why writers need to get logline feedback. You’re shooting yourself in the foot.

Title: BREAKOUT
Genre: Thriller
Pages: 86
Logline: When a young woman is sealed inside her estranged Father’s property and outnumbered by intruders, she has no choice but to go deeper inside both the house and her past if she wants to get out alive.
Why You Should Read: This script was a semi-finalist in last year’s Final Draft Big Break contest. So per Carson earlier this week, is this a sign I should start looking for houses in the hills cause I’m about to hit it big?

Why I didn’t pick it: This script was one special attractor away from getting picked. What’s a “special attractor?” That’s the unique x-factor in your concept, the thing that separates it from everything else. It’s a family living silently in a world where monsters attack through sound. It’s a dinosaur theme park. It can even be a fairly new addition to popular culture, like the panic room was back in 2002, when David Fincher made the Jodie Foster contained thriller. Going “deeper inside a house” is just a fancy way of saying, “running around a house.” It doesn’t provide us with anything new or fresh in the genre. That’s not to say the script isn’t any good. You might have nailed the character development. But this is why flashy concepts are so valuable. They get more people wanting to read your script! The less flashy the concept is, the less people will want to take a look. It’s as simple as that. Either way I would encourage the writer, Kim, to get a logline consult if there’s more to this story, or get feedback from the community. Cause if the script is good enough to make the semi-finals of a contest, you need a logline that’s going to get more people to read it.

Title: In the Cold, Cold Night
Genre: Murder/Mystery/Whodunnit
Logline: With the world on the brink of a biblical apocalypse, a loose cannon alcoholic in a small Texas town tries to solve an old murder case to exonerate the primary suspect, her father, before the end of days.
Why you should read: It explores the hypocritical Texas towns I grew up in where religion is the only thing that matters and shitty people are considered saints just because they go to church on Sundays. This is a gold star example of writing what you know. It got an 8 on the Blacklist with a first draft in which the reader said “An impeccable sense of atmosphere and a compelling mystery put this script in good company with prestige shows like True Detective and Sharp Objects.”

Why I didn’t pick it: Getting an 8 on the Black List isn’t easy to do. And just from the way the writer communicates, I get the sense that this could be good. It’s been a while since I evaluated this entry, but I think the reason I passed was because the movie’s setup invites a great big, “So what?” to the primary objective of the story. Who cares if you exonerate your father if the world’s about to end anyway? It’s like me writing a movie called, “Go For The Gold,” about an aging runner who tries to win the Olympic 40 yard dash a day before aliens come and destroy the planet. Sure, he won the gold but… why did it matter exactly? I still think this script could be good but that’s why I chose not to feature it.

Title: The Boneyard
Genre: Thriller.
Logline: A purveyor of serial killer memorabilia must crack a case of missing murder victims to save his kidnapped daughter while hounded by the FBI as the main suspect.
Why You Should Read My Script: This is a gripping, edge-of-your seat thriller with a solid three-act structure, a twisty and complex plot moving the story along at a good pace, with a ticking clock, and life-and-death stakes from start to finish.

Why I didn’t pick it: This submission reads like it was constructed out of a bunch of buzzwords and buzz-phrases. “Serial killer memorabilia.” “Crack a case.” “Missing murder victims.” “Save his kidnapped daughter.” Even the WYSR sounds this way. “Edge-of-your-seat.” “Solid three-act structure.” “Complex plot.” “Ticking clock.” “Life-and-death stakes.” “From start to finish.” The title suffers the same fate (“The Boneyard”). Your script is not going to be celebrated for all the things that it does that are familiar. It’s going to be celebrated for all the things about it that are unique, that stand out. So if you don’t have anything unique to offer, your script is going to sound generic, which is how this sounds. When it comes to loglines, identify what it is that’s unique about your idea and BUILD THE LOGLINE AROUND THAT.

Title: Science vs Romance
Genre: Sci-Fi/Romance
Logline: When a burnt out screenwriter is hired to help fix the world’s first simulated reality program she inadvertently jeopardies existence by falling for the subject.
Why you should read: I’ve been writing scripts for a few years now but mostly thrillers, I thought for this contest I’d send the one script where I took a real chance and tried something really different (for better or worse).

Why I didn’t pick it: This logline fails for the simple reason that, after you read it, you’re not entirely sure what the author meant. A writer is hired to fix a simulated reality program. So far, so good. She then jeopardies (I’m assuming we meant jeopardizes) existence by falling for the subject. By “existence” are we talking about the simulated existence or actual existence? If I’m to take the logline literally, I’m assuming actual existence, although I don’t know how diddling around with a simulation program would affect reality. And this “subject.” What subject? What does that mean? One of the fake people inside the program? Or maybe the creator of the simulated reality? It’s anyone’s guess because it definitely isn’t clear. I don’t think you guys realize how common this is. I get submissions like this all the time where I don’t 100% understand the idea so it’s easy to say no. Get your loglines looked at ahead of time so you don’t make mistakes like this!

Title: BLACK MOLD
Genre: Sci-fi/Thriller (TV pilot)
Logline: A lonely Korean janitor exposed to an interdimensional spore that enables her to see aliens mimicking people must hunt for the key to prove her sanity and save the world from total hive-mind colonization.
Why you should pick: If titles like THEY LIVE and MIMIC make you salivate, but you’re looking for something more, imagine a world in which only a handful of people have discovered the majority of humans around them aren’t humans at all, but are masquerading aliens bent on enslaving the human race, but then imagine that all this is taking place in a version of reality that was split off from ours back in 1978, and there’s only one way to reset Reality itself back to what it was before the aliens arrived: by exploding a nuclear bomb outside of Las Vegas. Combining quantum physics, alien body-mapping tech, hallucinogenic digital mold, conspiracy theories and one cantankerous Korean lady with an axe to grind, Black Mold may just be your cup of miso soup.

Why I didn’t pick it – I went back and forth on this one. If it was a feature, I probably would’ve chosen it. As I like to remind everybody, pilots are eligible for Amateur Showdowns. But they have to be twice as good to get chosen. I will say that the more I read about this story (in the “Why you should pick” section), the more leery I became. The second you say that this secret alien race angle is spun off from a different timeline back in 1978, I immediately move this over into the “too complicated” folder. True, it’s different. But it doesn’t feel organic. It instead feels forced. Whenever I come across creative choices that feel forced, I always pull away. With that said, it’s a TV show. Which means you have more time to lay the foundation of the mythology before moving on to some of the wilder creative twists. So maybe this makes sense when it plays out over four seasons. But it’s a lot to take in in a single 150 word pitch. “Black Mold” is a good glimpse into how people assess ideas. You often go back and forth and back and forth on whether to choose something, and if there’s any hesitation at all – about a character, about the plot, about a creative choice – you use that as a reason to pass.  Not because you’re an evil person who hates writers.  But because you only have so much time in the day and there are many more scripts to get to.

Title: Empathy In An Uncanny Valley
Genre: (Sci-Fi, Drama, Thriller)
Logline: A robot detective that believes in God has sex and vapes seeks help with mental health issues from a police psychiatrist.
My Reason: I think you should read my script because of the logline! A religious robot that has sex and vapes; now that your mind is in the gutter — you know you wanna read it!

Why I didn’t pick it: I really wanted to pick this because the writer, who’s also a director, is starting to have some success and seems like a really cool dude. And the script sounds unique. But the logline isn’t giving me enough. Think of it from my perspective. I’ve just read this logline, right? What is the movie I’m imagining from it? A robot walking around vaping, sometimes having sex, and then having long drawn out therapy sessions with a therapist? Where’s the plot? Where’s the goal? Where is the bigger objective? One of the things I always say if you’re writing a small character-driven story where the focus is more on the internal than the external, is throw in a dead body somewhere. A murder. It gives your story instant pop and direction (someone’s going to have to investigate that murder – your protagonist could either be the investigator or the investigated), yet it still allows you to do all that character introspection that drew you to the idea in the first place. But if all you’re going to do is have a character walk around and do normal everyday things, most audiences are going to tell you that’s not enough.

Having concerns about your own logline? Let me help you with it. Logline consults are just $25 (and if you buy 4, you get a 5th for free).  I also provide consultations for each stage of the screenplay journey: outline ($99), first 10 pages ($75), first act ($149), full pilot ($399), full screenplay ($499).  I’ve read thousands of screenplays, including all the ones that get produced and all the ones that don’t.  There’s no one better equipped to help you improve your script than me.  If you’re interested in getting a consultation, e-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com and let’s work together!

Genre: Drama
Premise: Two boys get shipwrecked on the remote Alaskan coast and must learn to survive on their own.
About: This script finished with 10 votes on last year’s Black List. The writer has no produced credits yet.
Writer: Paul Barry
Details: 102 pages

Adam Project’s Walker Scobell for Chris?

Generally speaking, if characters are stuck on an island alone, I’m all in.

There are so many possibilities to play with in the ‘stranded on an island’ sub-genre that you can’t really screw it up. Even without any bells and whistles, you’ve got the survival element, which we’ve learned is incredibly powerful, via Tom Hanks’ Castaway.

So I was looking forward to Skeleton Tree.  Hopefully I won’t have to S.O.S. my way out of it.

It’s 2011 (I think) and 11 year old Chris, who’s obsessed with tsunamis, has just lost his father. A year after the funeral, he’s still trying to process the loss when his Uncle Jack calls and says he wants to take Chris on a boat trip with another boy down the coast of Alaska. Chris is thrilled and, after a contentious chat with his mother, off he goes.

After meeting up with Uncle Jack and getting on the boat, Chris meets 14 year old Frank, an angry kid who doesn’t talk much. While heading down the coast, they hit something, sink, and only Chris and Frank are able to get away on the lifeboat.

They wake up on a beach which gives way to an endless forest, which they start exploring. They find a “skeleton tree,” which is a tree with a bunch of coffins hanging from it, presumably from an old tribe that used to live here. They also find a cabin, which gives them shelter.

Their survival journey basically revolves around Frank getting mad at Chris all the time for no reason, and Chris befriending a crow who he names, “Thursday.” Not long after they arrive, Frank injures himself leaving him with a big gash that slowly puts him out of commission. If they’re to get out of here, it will be up to Chris. So off Chris goes to the top of a nearby mountain in the hopes of spotting nearby civilization.

One of the benefits of reading so many screenplays is that you identify patterns in the scripts that work and patterns in the ones that don’t, and you can identify these patterns fairly quickly.

Skeleton Tree starts out in Coastal Japan in 2011. Not because there’s a character we’re going to meet from Japan in 2011. Just to show the infamous 2011 Japan tsunami. Why are we showing a tsunami? Not because this movie has anything to do with tsunamis, or natural disasters for that matter. Because… well, we’ll have a few minor payoffs to the tsunami later in the story.

The very next scene offers us this slugline: INT. VANCOUVER CHURCH (FUNERAL) – DAY (FLASHBACK).

Flashback from when? 2011? When the tsunami happened? Or a flashback from the present day, 2022? We endure the boy’s father’s funeral in this scene then immediately jump to Vancouver Canada, “One Year Later,” in what we’re told is the “Present.” So I think that means it’s 2022, right? That the father died last year, and that our main character is obsessed with looking at old tsunami videos from 2011 for some reason?  Or maybe it’s now 2012 and that’s what we’re treating as the “present,” even though it’s 10 years behind yours and my “present,” which I presume is right now.

Let me ask you a question. Weren’t there 10,000 easier ways to open this story? Why not just start in the present, see that our hero has a mother but no father, then reference the fact that his dad is dead via dialogue? Why do I have to do mental jumping jacks on top of tsunamis in order to figure out what year it is?

The counter-argument to this is, the writer is taking artistic liberties to open his script in an interesting visual way. Sure, the tsunami may not be that relevant to the story but it gives us some insight into what interests our main character, which means we’re learning about him. Also, seeing a kid at his father’s funeral is much more impactful than hearing about it. So that’s a fair argument as to why to show that. And movies jump between different years all the time. It may not be the easiest to follow on the page. But in a movie theater, we wouldn’t question these edits.

These are all fair arguments. I’m only telling you that when I see these things, and they’re not executed as clearly as they could be, it usually implies that more confusion is coming.  Not always. But usually. Clarity is paramount to a screenplay. If that’s not there in the first few pages, it’s indicative of a larger problem.

On page six, Abby, the mother in the story, gets a call from her son’s uncle, Jack. Uncle Jack wants to take Chris, our hero, on an Alaskan boat trip. After she gets off the phone with Jack, she turns to Chris and says, that was your Uncle Jack. He wants to take you on a boat trip and you’re going to get to do all these things and it will be the adventure of a lifetime.

After Chris excitedly receives the news, the mom then, out of nowhere, says, I don’t think you should go. And she makes the case why she’s not ready to allow her son to go on this rip.

Much like the opening sequence, the scene develops clumsily. A mother excitedly tells her child about the adventure of a lifetime only to then tell him he can’t go. What happened here?

I suspect what happened is this: The writer needed to introduce a plot point – the Uncle wanting to take his nephew on this trip. So he had the Uncle call the mom, and the mom explain this plot information to the son. The writer also wanted the mom to not support this idea. Which is why she did a 180 in the time it takes to snap your fingers. The writer, in this instance, is thinking of the two things he needs to happen in order to make his story work AND NOT how this scenario would actually unfold in real life.

In real life, a parent wouldn’t say, “Guess what! Your grandpa wants to take you for ice cream.” “Yay! When can we leave??” “You can’t. I don’t want you going.”

A simple fix would have been to have the mother busy, the phone ring, the kid answer, the Uncle tell him about the trip, the kid tell his mom about the trip, and the mom say no. That’s a much more logical progression and you don’t have to have the weird moment where the mom switches from excited to resistant.

Obviously, you should write however you want to write. But, at some point, you need to read your script through the eyes of a reader. You need to see it through the lens of someone who doesn’t have all the extra information you have in your head. Is the sequence of events clear? Do the scenes pass the “I could see this happening in real life” test? If that critical eye never does a pass on your script, you’re sending something out that’s going to feel like the screenplay version of a Los Angeles side street – aka, riddled with speed bumps.

Wow, Carson. You just spent this entire review on the first six pages. But how was the actual script?? Well, I’m predisposed to liking any sort of “shipwrecked on an island” story, which is why I wanted to read the script in the first place. And there are a few cool elements spread about, such as the titular “skeleton tree.” There’s also a sort of Tom Sawyer/Huckleberry Finn adventure angle to the proceedings that, at times, was charming.

The problem was, the central relationship didn’t work for me. I could never figure out why Frank hated Chris other than the writer wanted him to. I could never get a feel for their dynamic and, as a result, I wasn’t as invested in their story as I wanted to be. On top of that, the plot needed more creativity. There didn’t seem to be a whole lot more planned than dropping these kids in a forest and seeing what happened.  I would’ve liked more of a progression to the events that unfolded, to feel like we were moving towards something.  There was nothing excessively egregious here but I actively kept thinking: WHEN IS SOMETHING GOING TO HAPPEN?  There’s a gear or two missing from this story.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Unless you are directing your own screenplay or being paid to write a script by producers, be careful about opening your script with an overly cinematic sequence (i.e. something out of a Terrance Malick movie). While cinematic sequences (visual, kinetic, dissociative, voice-overs, plays with time in unique ways, jumps around a lot, montage-driven) can work amazing on-screen, they have far less impact on the page, and can often be confusing unless they’re impeccably described. I wouldn’t say that they’re impossible to pull off. But I see these attempts fail far more than I see them succeed. And if they’re confusing enough, you risk the reader closing your script before they’ve even gotten out of the first scene. The reader wants the read to be easy. They don’t want to have to do work. In fact, the second a script starts to feel like work, the reader is out.

What I learned 2: It’s often confusing for readers when scripts are set in the near past for no obvious reason.  Like, if you wrote a script set in 2015, most readers are going to wonder why the script isn’t just set now, in 2022.  I understand that there are remnants from the 2011 tsunami that wash up on the Alaskan shore during this script, which is why it’s not set in present day.  But that isn’t immediately apparent in the story.  And the tsunami has no obvious effect on the plot.  I was just never convinced that this needed to be set in 2011.  If you really wanted the tsunami stuff in there, you could’ve still had an old Japanese tsunami boat shipwreck, and made it 10 years old instead of 1 year.

Genre: Thriller
Premise: When a social media influencer meets a fan at a meet-and-greet, she’s so taken with her cleverness and vulnerability that she invites the fan to intern with her for the summer. At first, they’re an unstoppable team, but soon, the influencer is forced to wonder who she has let into her life.
About: This one finished on last year’s Black Last and is being produced by one of the hottest production companies in town, 21 Laps. The idea came to the writer, Michael Kujak, when he went to an influencer’s party, noticed a young teenager there, and found out she had won a contest to spend a day with the influencer but the influencer had ditched her. That sad little girl’s story stayed with him and eventually turned into the character of Millie in “Follow.”
Writer: Michael Kujak
Details: 109 pages

Sydney Sweeney for Hannah?

I’m coming across more and more of these “influencer” and “Youtube personality” scripts. Since none of them have been made yet (and more importantly, none have become hit movies), the subject matter is still there for the taking.

My favorite of these is, without question, Birdies. I also loved last year’s influencer stalker script, Lurker. I’ve found that the key to this subject matter is authenticity. You need to know this world and speak its language to be convincing. Spread a fresh take and great execution on top of that and you’ve got yourself a screenplay.

If writers are looking for ways into influencer concepts, check out old high school movies and see if there’s an “influencer” version of that setup. For example, one of my favorite high school movies is Election, about this girl who’s determined to take down the principle, told through several different points of view. Try to imagine that movie but with influencers. Could be something there.

Today’s script, “Follow,” does an aged-up version of this, as the plot beats are very reminiscent to the 1992 thriller, Single White Female. Let’s see if it delivers enough to make me click and subscribe.

Hannah is a 23 year old influencer who’s built her Youtube channel up from a tiny little group of dedicated followers in high school, to a full-throttle influencing powerhouse of 1 million followers.

You wouldn’t know it by talking to Hannah, though, a perfectionist who’s only thinking about how she’s going to get to 2 million. You see, 2 million is where you start to get the big girl advertising sponsors: Make-up. Clothing.

But no matter what Hannah does, she can’t seem to improve her numbers. Her channel is stagnated. That is until she meets Minnie, a 15 year old nerdy high-schooler. After a local meet-and-greet, Minnie helps her out with a couple of things and Hannah offers her an internship.

Minnie is whip-smart and has watched every single one of Hannah’s videos multiple times, so she knows exactly what the viewers want and always figures out a way to get it to them. After Minnie helps Hannah prank infamous prank bro, Greyson Sinclair, her subscriber base shoots up. And when Hannah starts dating Greyson, her subs finally eclipse 2 million.

All of a sudden, Hannah is the hottest influencer on Youtube and there’s no question Minnie is her lucky rabbit’s foot. But when their next prank goes bad, resulting in a fellow influencer’s death, Hannah sees another side of Millie, a side that will stop at nothing to get her hero to the top. Will Hannah go along? Or will she give in to that nagging feeling that there’s something very off about Millie?

I think one of our jobs as screenwriters is to get out of our own way.

You get an idea for a movie. You start brainstorming how it’s going to play out. You do the necessary character work. You figure out the general plot. And you start writing.

But too many writers think of a script as this bible that needs to be Written with a capital “W.” Your prose needs to be poetic. Your description needs to be bathed in similes and metaphors. Every line of dialogue needs to be the perfect clever comeback.

The problem is, when you write this way, your script loses all connection to reality. It feels too slick, too manufactured, too artificial, too written.

The antithesis to all this is to get out of the way and let the story tell itself. If you’ve come up with a good concept and good characters, you shouldn’t need to overwrite. Just let the characters talk. Just let the story evolve.

That’s the sense I got from “Follow.” This isn’t like, “Birdies,” where the story is being told with this big flashy voice. It’s just a fun clean thriller where the writer makes his story the priority rather than himself.

When you do this right, people read your script and note how “effortless” the read was. That’s the first adjective that came to mind after finishing, “Follow.” It felt effortless.

I think one of the reasons for that was that you had two very driven characters at the center of the story. You had the lead character, Hannah, who’s determined to be a successful influencer at all costs. And then you had Millie, who probably wants Hannah’s success more than she does.

The more determined your character is, the more active they’ll be. The more active they are, the more they’re going to drive the story forward. And if you add a secondary main character to the mix who’s equally determined? It’s like having two engines in your car instead of one. You’re going to fly down that plot highway.

Speaking of plot, it’s important to note that goals in screenplays don’t always have to be physical. We’re used to these comic book movies where the goal is obtaining some Triglicerine Cube that can freeze time or whatever, and everyone is chasing after it. Physical story goals aren’t as common, though, when your characters are staying in one location, like a town or city.

For those situations, you’ll often use objectives. The “objective” that drives the majority of the plot in “Follow” is Vlog Con. Hannah needs to hit 2 million followers to be invited to the prestigious event that could save her channel. So that objective is what pushes us forward – Hannah and Millie try to get her to 2 million followers.

But the clear reason this script works is because it gets the main two characters right. No matter how many scripts I read, it always comes back to that. I was pulled in immediately by these two characters. They felt real to me. I loved how driven they were. They were both smart. I loved watching them come up with ways to get more subscribers.

And it is a bit strange because, normally, you’d want conflict in a team-up. But there isn’t much conflict between these two until the end. They’re a team. The conflict comes more from the other rival influencers, which I thought was a clever idea. Cause there has to be conflict coming from somewhere.

This is another example of a simple premise executed well. No bells and whistles. Just good old-fashioned strong storytelling.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: When you have a crazy character, make sure to root that character’s craziness in something real. If you make them crazy to be crazy, the character will come off as cliche and forgettable. Millie’s craziness is rooted in obsession that was built because, when she was younger and had no friends, Hannah’s videos saved her. Hannah became the best friend she needed and was there for Millie every day via a new video. No matter how crazy Millie gets in this movie, it’s always rooted in trying to help Hannah improve her channel. Even at the very end, when she’s doing the craziest stuff of all, she’s still trying to help Hannah (in her mind). That’s a great way to write ‘crazy.’

Did another franchise just bite the dust? Combined with the WB-Discovery merger, does this mean even MORE superhero movies?

Don’t worry all you muggles.

I’m not here to bash your favorite franchise for its poor showing at the box office (Fantastic Beasts = $43 million). But it appears that this latest Dumbledore excursion was more like a Dumble-BORE.

I shall instead use this as a teaching moment.  Writing good movies is a backbreaking endeavor that even Professor Minerva McGnagall would have trouble enduring. When you have seven 500 page books to mine stories from, chances are they’re going to be good. But if you’re trying to mine the same number of stories from a single 120 page book…. Well, I’m sorry, but it’s probably going to go the way of Avada Kedavra.

Let us remember that the primary reason book adaptations tend to do well is that the screenwriter has so much to draw from. Once you throw out that formula, expect bad things to happen.

It’s why I like to remind writers that a spec screenplay is drawn from nothing. You are conjuring up words, characters, mythology, and backstory from a giant bottle of bupkis. It’s why I encourage you to learn as much about your world and characters as possible before you write because how are you going to compete with someone who has an endless slew of character backstories when all you know about your main character is that he’s kind of a jerk?

WB’s meteolojinxian misfire comes on the heels of the company merging with Discovery, who promises to reevaluate the movie catalogue at the company, including DC. I have to say, apropos of nothing, that I’m confused how the company built off of 90 Day Fiance has more sway than an iconic 100 year old movie studio. Do we really live in a world where Big Ed is a bigger deal than The Joker? Either way, Discovery has implied more ‘shared universe’ stuff is ahead for DC, and less muggles and snuffledores.

Join me in campaigning WB-Discovery for a Big Ed – Joker crossover!

I’m 100% in agreement with this approach. I’ve always found DC’s strategy of making random unrelated superhero films to be bizarre. I know their initial attempts at a shared universe failed. But that had less to do with it being a bad idea than it did with putting Zack Snyder in charge. If I need a dreamy CGI backdrop to a badly written movie, I’ll go to Snyder. If I need vision, scope, and a plan??? I have about 700 people in Hollywood I’m calling before him.

One of the properties Discovery is so miffed about is Superman. He’s the most popular superhero ever and they don’t even have him in the production rotation. On the surface, they’re correct. You’d think Superman would be the centerpiece of any comic book movie plan.

But the deeper you delve into the character, the trickier you realize he is. For a screenwriter, the most compelling Superman story is his origin story, cause it’s so fun. But everyone knows that story so you can’t make a movie of it. The next most compelling story is the “Death of Superman.” And they tried to do that to middling results. Snyder also tried to turn him into a tougher darker “Batman” like character. But that didn’t work because it wasn’t Superman. So what do you have left? I honestly don’t know. You need someone with a crazy cool take and there aren’t many people out there who are capable of coming up with that take. Maybe Christopher Nolan? Taika Waititi? JJ Abrams. Problem is, everyone wants these guys. So good luck getting them. Speaking of, I’d like to see a Daniels’ Superman, lol. How awesome would that be?

I want to know what’s going on with JJ. WB snatched him up for giganto money and we haven’t heard a peep from him since. Did they lock him inside a mystery box in the Warner Brothers basement?

He was supposed to shepherd the promising sounding “Justice League Dark” line of characters, which includes Constantine, Swamp Thing, Pandora, and the Phantom Stranger. Newer, fresher, superhero characters who could provide a jolt to the stagnant DC slate. Alas, we are yet to see these characters materialize.

I suspect JJ is still traumatized after Rise of Skywalker, his last film. I was able to get some inside information that JJ was devastated by the final cut of “Rise,” which included numerous things that he did not approve of. I think that experience has made him gun-shy to direct again. So I’ll make my personal plea to JJ here. JJ! You know I love you! Come back! Make movies again!

In the meantime, I’m trying to find something, ANYTHING, to watch. Severance (Apple TV) is good yet I’m not sure the central mystery is powerful enough to get me to the finish line. I stopped watching during episode 3, figuring I’d get back to it soon, but never did.

I like the mood and tone of this new show, Outer Range, on Prime. But I’m not convinced cowboys and aliens are a good marriage. The most interesting thing about this show is how similar it looks to Jordan Peele’s “Nope,” another alien-cowboy hybrid. It never ceases to amaze me how even the most original ideas aren’t as original as you think. Everybody’s drawing inspiration from the same stew. That’s why whenever someone claims somebody stole their idea, I roll my eyes. Nope. You’re just not as original as you thought.

Moon Knight is another show I started but haven’t gotten back to. I’m realizing with these ‘event’ shows, there’s a formula. They spend a ton of money on the pilot episode then have no money left over for the second episode. Moon Knight’s second episode is one scene after another of two people talking in a room. My interest dove from an 8 out of 10 (the pilot) to a 3 out of 10 (second episode). And I haven’t been able muster up the energy to get back to it.

That’s a weird thing to say: I find it hard to press a remote control button to enjoy a FREE high production value TV show. But this is the entertainment environment of 2022, a sort of “TV FOMO” where there are so many shows that whenever you watch one, you figure you’re missing out on another. Or, at the very least, there’s gotta be some other show that’s better than the one you’re watching, right? That’s been my experience lately. I keep thinking, “I vaguely remember there’s some show I should be watching. Where is it again?” That thought alone can get me to turn off the current episode of Moon Knight, Severance, or Outer Range.

I checked out feature film, “After Yang,” on Showtime Streaming. As most of you know, I’m a huge Kogonada fan, who directed one of my favorite movies from 2017, Columbus. I also love his directing story. He was a film critic for years and decided, in his 50s, to start directing himself. It’s a reminder that it’s never too late to give this career a shot!

Unfortunately, After Yang is storyless. There’s no screenplay here. After starting out with an amazing visual of several families dancing to a networked video game workout, the movie never identifies any sort of driving narrative. There is a goal – a family’s android helper breaks down and they try to fix it – but the stakes are below sea level. You never get the sense that it’s that important they fix Yang. And the casualness with which the father character, Jake, goes about the journey, gives the story a laissez-faire attitude that, quite frankly, puts you to sleep.

While Kogonada thrives with slower-paced deliberate material – that’s what was so great about Columbus – this story is begging for more urgency and importance. The implications of why the family’s android conked out appear to be large. So nobody caring all that much whether they fix him or not creates a confusing message.

I’m not giving up on Kogonada, though! He directed four episodes of the Apple TV series, Pachinko, which chronicles the hopes of a Korean immigrant family across four generations. Did I just say I was gonna watch a period Korean drama? Hell yeah I did. Only fellow members of the Kokonuts fan club understand what I’m talking about. Kokonuts, unite!

I was going to see Everything Everywhere All at Once this weekend but I came down with a cold and didn’t want to be a cold superspreader. Even if I was okay, though, I still would’ve huffed and puffed at spending 20 bucks on this film. As much as I admire A24 for bucking all logic and refusing to cater to the new demands of the industry, it’s hard for me to justify seeing an independent film in the theater these days. I love the Daniels. And the movie’s doing pretty decent so far ($17 million total). But I wish they would’ve premiered this on a streamer and spent a ton of money promoting it as a big event. It’s got streamer written all over it.

It may sound like I have no hope for the future of entertainment but that would be incorrect. My hope rests with YOU! More specifically, your first acts. My First Act Contest deadline is just two weeks away (May 1). So keep sending those entries in!  Also, if you need help on your logline, e-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com with the subject line “CONSULTATION.”  Logline consults are just $25!

THE FIRST ACT CONTEST

I need your title, genre, logline, anything you want me to know about the script, and, of course, a PDF of your first act. You want to send these to carsonreeves3@gmail.com with the subject line “FIRST ACT CONTEST.” The contest is 100% free.

What: The first act of your screenplay
Deadline: May 1st, 11:59 PM Pacific Time
Where: carsonreeves3@gmail.com
Include: title, genre, logline, extra info, a pdf of the act.
Cost: Free!

Is your screenwriting career stuck on pause? Let me help you un-pause it.

One of the hardest things about screenwriting is the solitary aspect of it. It’s the long hours you spend alone working on something when you have no idea whether it’s going to connect with people or not. This feeling of loneliness and frustration builds every time you write a script that doesn’t go anywhere. You begin to get bitter. You become convinced the system is rigged. And, tragically, you lose all motivation to write. Or at least write consistently.

I was just chatting with a writer over e-mail about this yesterday. He said he was in a really bad spot screenwriting-wise and didn’t have any motivation to write. Then he finished as one of the finalists in The Last Great Screenwriting Contest and that was the shot in the arm he needed. His latest script just got him a meeting at, arguably, the hottest action production company in town. That’s what this business is.  It’s highs and it’s lows. But you have to weather the lows to get to the highs and not everybody can. Well, today, I’m going to give you ten things you can do to reignite your passion for screenwriting and get your career moving in the right direction again. All you have to do is pick one of these things, do it, and I promise you, you’re going be excited to write again.

Take Three Months Off To Study Your Biggest Weakness – Sometimes we just need to take the pressure off. Pushing out pages can be difficult when you’ve lost confidence in yourself. So why not kill two birds with one stone? First, stop writing. And second, identify what it is you’re weakest at and spend a quarter of the year studying and getting better at it. We all have that thing we suck at. For some of us, it’s dialogue. For others, it’s structure. Some of us, theme. Others, character. Create a three-month course for yourself where you study the hell out of that weakness. For example, if it’s dialogue, google 30 articles about dialogue. Watch ten dialogue-driven movies. Read twenty dialogue-driven scripts. Take meticulous notes on why the dialogue is good in these movies and compare it to your dialogue. What are they doing that you’re not? Then, when you’re all finished, write a script that specifically features your weakness and use all your newfound knowledge to write it. I guarantee you’ll find it fun because you’ll have all these new tools and concepts to play with.

Try a new genre – We’ve all heard the advice, “Get out of your comfort zone.” We know we should do it yet we never do. Why in the world would I want to be uncomfortable? Well, I don’t have to tell you that the only way to grow in an area is to place yourself in situations you’re not completely comfortable in. You’ll hear actors say this all the time. “I took this role because it scared me.” Sure, under normal circumstances, you’d like to work within the genres you’re confident in. But we’re trying to jumpstart you, get you excited about screenwriting again. With that in mind, why not try a genre you’ve never written in before? One of the unique benefits of doing this is that you’ll probably bring something fresh to the genre because you’re not beholden to it. Since it’s a one-off, you’ll have no issues breaking all the rules. Which, ironically, is going to be what makes the script so unique and fun.

Write with a partner – I know that a lot of screenwriters are particular about the way they work. They like their little routines. They don’t want anyone breathing down their neck or challenging their choices. But there’s something about writing with a partner that can really energize you. You’re more accountable now, which means you’ll write more. You learn from the other person, since they’ll have a different style than you do. And when you find someone you click with, there’s nothing like it. You’ll find that writing is fun again. And remember, you’re just working on one script together. It’s not like this person is now your wife and will be with you for the rest of your screenwriting life. You’re just trying one script with a co-writer. You might be surprised and how much it gets your juices flowing. Feel free to look for partners in the comments section below. I suggest you trade info through e-mail about how many scripts you’ve written and where you are in your careers as these pairings tend to work best when the writers are at a similar level.

Shift over into a different form of art – One of the tips I was going to give today was to quit for six months. But the more I thought about that tip, the less I liked it. I suppose it’s an option to just get away from something for awhile. But then I realized there’s a way to do this without completely abandoning screenwriting. Just slide over into an adjacent art form for six months. The one I would prefer you try is filmmaking. Specifically, make a short film on your iphone. You will definitely learn something new about screenwriting in the process. And if you like it, you become a double-threat, as you can now direct your own screenplays. But if you don’t like filmmaking, write a song. Paint. Sing. Draw. Become an amateur photographer. Do something in the arts, as I’ve found that there’s always a carryover effect where you learn something from that experience that helps you back in screenwriting. And the time off will also get you excited to write again.

Become a contest jockey for a year – A lot of writers avoid contests because they’re so subjective. And I get that. But that’s not what this advice is about. One of the issues with screenwriting is that, unless you’re a working writer, there are no deadlines. This creates a lackadaisical approach to writing where you only write “when you feel like it.” By entering 3 to 4 contests, you’ll find that you’re accountable and, therefore, forced to write. The bonus with this is that you have that possibility that your script will do well. So it gives you more motivation. If you’re wondering what contests are worth entering, people in the comments section will be happy to tell you. You can start by entering my FREE First Act Contest. Send me your title, genre, logline, anything else you want me to know, and a PDF of your first act to carsonreeves3@gmail.com by May 1, 11:59 pm Pacific Time.

Get a consultation – Am I pimping my own services? Hell yes. But I wouldn’t pimp my services unless I knew for sure it would help you. A lot of times as writers we get stuck in our heads for so long that we lose perspective. This can happen with individual scripts and it can happen with long stretches of your screenwriting career. You don’t really know what’s working anymore because how would you? You’ve only experienced rejection with little to no feedback on what you’re doing wrong. The great thing about a consultation is that you hear all those things that you knew somewhere deep in the back of your mind already, but just weren’t ready to accept. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that after a consult. “Deep down I knew this, Carson. But you helped me realize it’s a legitimate problem and I need to fix it.” You’ve invested years in screenwriting. Investing a little money to get a huge pick-me-up seems like a no-brainer (e-mail “CONSULTATION” to carsonreeves1@gmail.com).

Do sh#t – A few years back, I traveled to Prague for a couple of weeks, and I was more energized after that trip than at any point in my life in the last decade. Being around a new culture, experiencing new things, meeting new people, getting outside my comfort zone, it just gave me this fervor for life that had been missing. As writers, it’s important that we experience new things consistently because that’s where we draw our inspiration from. You can’t solely be inspired by movies and TV. You just can’t. Now I know not everyone can afford to travel. But that doesn’t get you off the hook. Go to bars you’d never go to. Visit a nearby town you’ve never been to. If you’re an atheist, go to a church service. Look up all the events in your city, close your eyes, spin your finger around, and whatever event it lands on, go to it. There’s nothing like the inspiration that comes from doing new things. All artists must do this.

Drop that script that’s making you miserable – You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been working on this script for longer than you can remember. The script is big and complex and therefore needs a ton of rewriting, and you think if you can just redefine this one character and make the second act move a little faster and improve the arc of your villain, that it’s all going to come together. And sure, you were saying the exact same thing last year at this time, but this year you’re really going to finish it. No, man. It’s time to let that script go. It’s making you miserable. And deep down, you know it’s not fixable. Once you do this, you’re going to feel like a 1000 pound brick has been removed from your back. You’re going to feel free and you’re going to love screenwriting again.

Write a script with just two characters and all dialogue – I’m talking your Before Sunsets, 500 Days of Summer, Once, When Harry Met Sally. Why? Because these are the fastest scripts you can write. It’s screenwriting in its purest form – 2 people and dialogue dialogue dialogue. There’s something about being able to belt out a script quickly that gives you confidence. And because you can write it so fast, there’s no downside to it. If it’s bad, so what? You lost two weeks. I know that when I don’t have to worry about plot and I can just write a bunch of fun dialogue, that’s the most fun I have writing a script. And I always feel better about screenwriting afterwards.

Write a pilot – If you’re anything like me, you get a little gristly when you hear, “Write a pilot.” “A pilot?? I’m a feature writer, dude!” But here’s the cool thing about pilots. You don’t have to come up with a bunch of answers. That’s one of the things that makes feature-writing such a challenge, is that you have to come up with really compelling questions (in your first act), and then really satisfying answers (in your third act). But a pilot is just setup. You can have fun with it, especially if you’re writing something like, “Lost,” where you can set up this really wild world and leave it to your future self to figure out all the answers. Plus pilots are shorter, and therefore easier to write. So it’s a good break from what you usually do and you’ll probably find that it’s more fun than you expected.

Were you ever about to give up on screenwriting and then, magically, found your mojo again? What did you do? Share it in the comments!