These sci-fi submissions did not make the Science Fiction Showdown. Find out why!
One of the most frustrating things that writers go through is sending their scripts out there only to get rejected time and time again, and having no idea why. I had two instances this week where writers e-mailed me and wanted to know what they were doing wrong.
In one instance, a writer said they had sent their script out to half a dozen contests but that it didn’t advance in a single one. What was wrong? The other writer conceded that his concept wasn’t very good but that if I’d read the script, I’d realize how amazing it was. I sympathize with both of these writers. You spend months, sometimes years, working on a script and then nobody seems to care. You feel like you’re doing something wrong but you don’t know what.
Well, I’m going to clear it up for you. There are two areas you have to execute to break into this business and they must be completed in order. One, you must execute the concept (come up with a compelling concept that makes people want to read your script). And two, you must execute the script (write a script that entertains from the first page to the last). Except for rare situations, it doesn’t work when you only execute one of these.
The reason you need to execute the concept first is because it doesn’t matter that your script is genius if nobody wants to read it. A lot of writers turn a blind eye to this reality. They convince themselves that as long as they write a great script, it won’t matter. Well, it does matter because you need to get people to read the thing and they’re not going to read the thing if it sounds boring.
If you pass that test, the hard part begins because, now, you have to keep people entertained for 110 straight pages and even the best writers in the business struggle to do that. Most amateur screenplays I read fall somewhere between “sub-par” and “average.” That won’t do. I’ll say it again. As an amateur writer – someone who isn’t getting the benefit of the doubt – you have to entertain the reader on page 1, page 2, page 3, page 4, page 5, all the way to page 110. You don’t get any pages off.
But again, none of that matters if you don’t get the concept right because people aren’t even going to give you their time if you don’t do that. Look at the concept that won Amateur Showdown last week. “When a photosensitive alien force blacks out the sun, a dysfunctional family must survive together in a perpetually dark world full of predatory creatures, while trying not to lose the only thing that can protect them: the light.” That’s a movie concept right there. You can see that trailer. You can see that movie making money.
I don’t think enough writers think of concepts that way. They come up with something they think is cool and turn a blind eye towards what anyone else thinks of it. To that end, I’m going to go through some of the sci-fi concepts that were submitted to me for Sci-Fi Showdown and take you into my head as to why they didn’t pass the “concept” test. I’m hoping to not only help the writers who sent these in. But to show you, the readers, how people receive ideas and what makes them say yes or no. Let’s take a look…
Title: The Billionaire Battle Royale
Genre: Sci-fi, Action, “Dystopian”
Logline: 2045–in a world that has combated wealth inequality by hosting an annual fight to the death between billionaires, the inner circle of the world’s richest man tamper with the event to ensure he loses.
Analysis: This one falls under a category I occasionally see with concepts which is that it’s presented as a serious story when it sounds like it could be a comedy. I imagine 2045’s version of Elon Musk fighting 2045’s version of Jeff Bezos and there is nothing in that scenario that makes me think I could take it seriously. On top of that, the central conflict isn’t very interesting – one of the teams ensures their guy loses. Feels like you could come up with a way bigger conflict than that. There are shades of The Purge and Hunger Games here that might entice some. Curious what others think of this idea.
Title: Surrogate
Genre: Contained Sci-Fi/Thriller
Logline: To pay for an exhibition, a starving fine art photographer agrees to be a surrogate for a wealthy couple, but confined to a lavish house, her mind and body start to unravel.
Analysis: One of the more common movie concepts I get sent is characters going crazy. What I’ve found is that these scripts are extremely execution-dependent. Coming up with a story where someone gradually loses their mind for 100 pages is a lot harder than you think. In my experience, almost all of these scripts go off the rails, becoming muddy and uninteresting the further the protagonist progresses into crazyville. Also, this logline isn’t doing the concept any favors. It doesn’t tell us WHAT is going on in the house to cause her descent into madness. Which means that the only thing we have to go on is that she’s stuck in a house. That isn’t very compelling to me which is why I didn’t pick this.
Title: Astaroth’s Children
Genre: Sci-Fi/Horror
Logline: When stranded on an abandoned space station, a crew of military freelancers encounter the survivors of a horrific scientific project gone wrong. Unable to contain the effect, an agoraphobic engineer must destroy this threat to humanity’s existence.
Analysis: The reason I passed over this is pretty simple. It sounds like every video game ever. Resident Evil. Doom. Halo. You can’t just repackage the same movie (or game). You gotta give us something different. There wasn’t anything in this concept that made me think I haven’t already seen this story before. That’s something you gotta think about when you’re putting together your logline (preferably before you write the script). Does this sound too much like other movies we’ve seen? If so, you may want to think twice about writing it.
Title: Infiction
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: A female con artist is allowed to ply her trade against an alien group in human form to help them grasp humanity’s evolutionary need for fiction.
Analysis: I read this logline several times and struggled to understand it. By the way, this is one of the biggest reasons to get a logline consult. To see if your logline is clear. A female con artist is allowed to ply her trade? Her trade of con-artistry? Or a different trade? “against an alien group in human form” – had to read that several times to understand it. “to help them grasp humanity’s evolutionary need for fiction.” The stakes of the story are that aliens want to know why we write books like Harry Potter? The stakes need to be much higher than that for a movie.
Title: Future Shock
Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller
Logline: New York’s last ‘accountable’ cop has one night to find four prison-escapees fitted with pacemakers designed to kill them if they leave the city.
Analysis: The idea seems to contradict itself. Four people have escaped prison. Presumably, their goal is to flee the city. A cop must stop them from fleeing the city. But why is he needed if they’re all going to blow up the second they try to leave the city anyway? Problem solved, right? Unless this is a movie about saving bad people from dying. But that doesn’t seem to be the writer’s focus. Wouldn’t this work better if one of the prison escapees was the protagonist? Also, don’t put quotes around words unless it’s clear why you’re doing so. I’m not sure why ‘accountable’ needs quotes around it. This may seem like a nitpick, but every single script I’ve read where someone has put quotes around a random word in a logline has been bad.
Title: E-TEN
Genre: High concept/Sci-fi/contained thriller
Logline: An insecure hotel janitor and 5 other guests are held captive in a small library where a mysterious voice tells them to find the perfect political system for humanity under 90 minutes if they don’t want to be gassed to death. Things get out of control as they soon realize the game is hiding a traitor…and an axe.
Analysis: There’s nothing realistic about this setup. Why would someone pick six random people and tell them that if they don’t solve something that nobody’s been able to solve in 4000 years, they’re all going to die in 90 minutes? Why would you think these people were capable of doing this? And why so dramatic? If coming up with the perfect political system is important to you, wouldn’t you want to give them an adequate amount of time to do so? This concept didn’t make sense to me.
Title: Earthbound
Genre: Sci-fi
Logline: When an inmate in a prison orbiting Neptune finds that she’s pregnant, she begins a desperate attempt to escape and reach Earth, a place she’s only heard rumors about.
Analysis: This is one of those ideas that kind of sounds like a movie. But my first question after reading it was, “Why did you wait until now?” If getting to earth was important to you, then try to get to earth regardless of whether you’re pregnant or not. Now, if what you’re saying is that she needs to get to earth because they’re going to terminate her baby the second they realize she’s pregnant? Or if she knows the only chance her child has if she raises it on earth, well then that needs to be included in the logline. And the fact that it isn’t included in favor of the vague, “a place she’s only heard rumors about,” indicates to me someone who hasn’t written enough to know how to craft an effective logline. I know every writer hates writing loglines because of this very reason. What do you choose to include or not include? But the thing about loglines is that if you stay in the game long enough, you figure out how to write them effectively, and so when I read a good logline, I know that’s a writer who’s been at this for awhile and knows what they’re doing. In the past, when I see little mistakes like this, I’ve found that the script reflects those mistakes. It has problems as well. And while “Earthbound” may very well be the exception to the rule, I’ve been burned too many times to take a chance on it.
Title: REMOTE
Genre: Sci-fi Drama
Logline: A dysfunctional family’s devoted android confronts the true nature of his role in humanity’s impending demise.
Analysis: This logline starts out okay. But then it becomes waaaaay too general. We go from a “dysfunctional family” (a very contained story) to “humanity’s impeding demise.” Where’s all the stuff in between? Remember, a logline isn’t supposed to tell people the generalities of the story. It’s not a teaser. It’s supposed to tell you the specifics of the story and what’s going to happen. I have no idea what happens in this story (which is the problem) so I can’t accurately fix this logline. But here’s an example of a more specific version: “A dysfunctional family’s devoted android must find and destroy its maker before being updated with the latest software, which will have it turn on and kill its family.” That’s admittedly a dumb idea but do you see how specificity in the plot explanation creates a clearer movie than “confronts the true nature of his role in humanity’s impending demise?” There are actual specific tasks being alluded to, something the reader can visualize.
Obviously, subjectivity plays a role in picking loglines. So my analysis here should not be seen as the end all be all. But this is a pretty accurate breakdown of how your loglines will be received. Do some market research BEFORE you write a script. Send your friends five loglines and ask them to rank them 1-5. What happens when you’ve spent 6 months on a script is that you become emotionally attached to the idea and can’t see it clearly. Whereas when you’re still in the idea stage and several people tell you the idea isn’t good, it’s easier to let it go.
Curious to see what you guys thought of these loglines. Did I overlook any?
Are you sending your screenplay out into the world without getting professional feedback? That is dangerous, my friend. I can tell you exactly what they’re going to criticize you for and help you fix those problems ahead of time. I do consultations on everything from loglines ($25) to treatments ($100) to pilots ($399) to features ($499). E-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com with the subject line “CONSULTATION” if you’re interested. Chat soon!
The Brigands of Rattleborge meets Water for Elephants meets Deliverance?
Genre: Drama/Dark/Thriller
Premise: After a 1976 traveling carnival sets up in a small town in Louisiana, the locals become enraged with the actions of the carnival workers, and set about taking the carnival down.
About: S. Craig Zahler needs no introduction on this site. He is the writer of The Brigands of Rattleborge, one of my top 5 scripts (and soon to become a TV show). Fury of the Strongman is a script that he’s been pushing for quite a while and, according to the trusty source, “the internet,” he’s still actively trying to get it made. I hope he succeeds! This is probably the most interesting of all his projects.
Writer: S. Craig Zahler
Details: 155 pages
Readability: Slow
No reason to beat around the bush. If you like Zahler, you’re going to love this script. If you hate Zahler, you’re going to detest this script. Since I like Zahler, you probably know where I stand. :)
The year is 1976. A carnival led by a midget named Nickel is enjoying a long stay in a Wisconsin town. Our cast of characters includes Woodburn, the strongman. Laughy, the clown. Wendy, the pretty girl. Young Mountain and Paloma, the husband and wife knife throwing act. Harry the Human Crab (who looks exactly like you’d imagine him to). As well as a host of other oddballs who specialize in unique skills.
Our main focus, though, is Woodburn, who’s furious that his girlfriend, Wendy, wants to do a topless act. Woodburn has seen one too many women from his past go down that route, and when it happens, they keep going, right into prostitution. Despite Wendy’s insistence that she’d never do that, he breaks up with her.
Later that night, a horny teenage couple gets drunk at the carnival then crashes their car into a tree, killing them both. The dead girl happened to be the daughter of the governor, so they get kicked out of Wisconsin. The only place Nickel knows he can go is Louisiana, so they get the caravan together and drive south.
As it so happens, they set up in the very same town Woodburn grew up in, a town that he ran away from the second he was old enough. When he heads into town to get a drink, he’s spotted, and we learn that before he left town, he gave his father a present – he broke his spine, turning him into a paraplegic. People in town like his dad. Which means they don’t like Woodburn.
Meanwhile, Laughy (in full clown makeup) heads into town to get some whisky but is stonewalled by the angry liquor store owner, Right Hook Ronnie. Ronnie thinks that Laughy is black under that makeup and he doesn’t sell liquor to black people. Laughy refuses to leave until he gets his whisky and things get heated, resulting in Laughy pulling a gun on Ronnie. This ensures that Laughy wins this round. But Ronnie assures him that this fight isn’t over.
Ronnie then gets all the town degenerates together and heads to that night’s show. At first, all they do is heckle. But then they start spreading out, beating up carnival workers in the shadows. And when they find Wendy’s tent, let’s just say things go as bad as they can possibly go. It doesn’t take long for Woodburn to figure out who was responsible for Wendy’s death, and when he does, every single man involved will have to answer to the fury… of the strongman.
Fury of the Strongman is vintage S. Craig Zahler.
A man is wronged. That man wants revenge. And nothing is going to stand in his way.
I’ve tried, over the years, to figure out Zahler’s formula – why his scripts hit harder than others, and there are a couple of things that stand out.
One, he takes his time in the first act to really set up his characters. A lot of writers rush through this part. They’re scared of people like me saying they’re taking too long. Zahler doesn’t care. He makes sure to give every character a proper description (“Lying there upon a bench that is comprised of raw wood and cinder blocks and holding a barbell with two rigid fists is CHAD WOODBURN, a shirtless thirty-nine year-old in jeans who has receding copper-brown hair and the massive muscular physique of a champion weight-lifter. A GRUNT and a thick EXHALATION issue from his mouth as he pushes three hundred and fifty pounds off of his chest and into the air.”)
He then follows that description with an introductory scene that solidifies who the character is. Here, we meet Woodburn breaking up with his girlfriend because he doesn’t agree with her choice to do a topless act. We now have a very good feel for who this character is. The reason that’s important is because the better we know a character, the more we care. I can’t stress this enough. The newer screenwriters always screw this up. They always write vague characters. Maybe Zahler goes too far and gets too specific. But it’s better to know too much about a character than too little.
What’s amazing about Zahler is that he doesn’t just do this for one character. He does it for ten characters. And he doesn’t compromise. Everyone gets a full description. Everyone gets a full scene that solidifies who they are.
Another thing Zahler does is he’ll include two inciting incidents. He has the early inciting incident that jump starts the movie. And then he has the ‘official’ inciting incident that turns the script from a slow-burn into a full-on thriller. The early inciting incident in “Fury” is the teenaged couple crashing the car and dying. That INCITES the local authorities to kick the carnival out of town, which forces them to set up in another state.
The second (official) inciting incident is when Laughy gets in a fight with a local liquor store owner. After Laughy pulls a gun on him, the owner, Right Hook Ronnie, vows revenge. He rounds up all the scum and heads to the carnival that night to cause trouble. This doesn’t happen until page 70 (!!!), by the way, which is halfway through the script.
Once Zahler gets his two inciting incidents out of the way, the revenge storyline kicks in. From there, it’s all about intense blood and violence. This section of the script isn’t just meant to serve the story, it’s meant to leave an impression on the reader, which is why I think a lot of people can’t handle Zahler. He goes “all in” on his violent scenes.
The weird thing about this script is that it’s very similar to The Brigands of Rattleborge. So similar that if I would’ve read this instead of Rattleborge in 2009, it probably would’ve been the script that I gave an [x] impressive to and placed in my Top 10. But these ultra-violent scripts play differently in 2021 compared to 2009. Something about what’s happened in the world since that time – all the movements, all the craziness – makes what happens in this script feel a little *too* real.
So I found myself wincing more during Fury than I would’ve in the past. Also, I think there’s something to be said about creativity in violence that makes it a little more palatable. That’s what I remember from The Brigands of Rattleborge. There’s that famous scene where our anti-hero cuts a hole in a guy’s body then sends a hamster inside of it to wreak havoc. It was kind of fun in a gross way. Whereas here, we just get brute violence. At least that’s how it felt. Maybe I’m becoming a wimp as I get older.
Despite this, it’s impossible not to be drawn into this story. In a world where we get the same movies packaged in slightly different containers over and over again, “Fury” feels like an original. I’m surprised this hasn’t been more of a priority in Zahler’s extensive screenplay slate. It feels like nothing else out there right now. And it certainly leaves an impression.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Place characters in situations where they’re not welcome. I know this seems obvious. But it’s one of the easiest ways to generate conflict. When Laughy walks into the liquor store, he’s not welcome there. When Woodburn shows up at the local bar, he’s not welcome there. ‘Not welcome’ means CONFLICT and conflict is the key to entertaining audiences. Any time you’re searching for a scene to jumpstart your story, send your characters into a situation where they’re not welcome.
Wait a minute. This script sold for 3 million dollars??
Genre: Comedy/Horror/Blockbuster?
Premise: When a man comes to a psychiatrist claiming to be a werewolf, the psychiatrist attempts to videotape his transformation to prove to him that he’s merely hallucinating, but is shocked to learn that the man is telling the truth.
About: Is Hollywood ruthless or what? It’s 1992. You wrote the crowd-pleasing movie of the summer that got an actress her first Oscar in “My Cousin Vinny.” You struggle for a couple years. But then, in 1997, you write a werewolf script that sells for THREE MILLION DOLLARS to Dreamworks, a deal that Steven Spielberg himself brokered. I’d say life is good, right? Except screenwriter Dale Launer would only get three more produced credits in the next 25 YEARS. Those credits? Eddie. Tom Nu’s Heaven. And The Hustle. Ouch. Might Bad Dog have changed his fortunes had it been made? Let’s find out!
Writer: Dale Launer
Details: 118 pages – 1997 draft
Readability: Medium to Fast
As Scott pointed out to me, this script was purchased right after the birth of Dreamworks, Steven Spielberg’s company. When you’re a new company and have a lot of money, you make big splashy sales to announce yourself. Nobody’s going to put you above the fold if you buy a script for $250,000. But three million? That’s a front page story on Variety right there.
This is a rare look into the minds of two of the biggest names in Hollywood, Steven Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg. These two PERSONALLY brokered this deal, which tells you EXACTLY what they like. I bring this up because Spielberg is still involved in his company, Amblin Entertainment, where he’s still buying Spielbergian things, like the Tom Hanks movie, Finch. “Bad Dog” tells me he wants to make a werewolf film.
What often happens with creatives is that once they get their minds set on making a certain type of movie, they *will* make that movie eventually. I saw this with the Russo Brothers. A decade ago they bought a script about a guy who came back from war and robbed banks. After developing it for a while, they abandoned it. A decade later, they optioned the book, “Cherry,” about what? About a guy who just got back from war who starts robbing banks.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you have a great werewolf script, get it to Steven Spielberg. He may want to make it. While you’re taking care of that, let’s figure out why he threw three million dollars down the drain.
45 year old Griffin Black is a nationally renowned psychiatrist whose schtick is to “control your emotions.” One day, Griffin’s visited by a guy named Archie who desperately needs his help. According to Archie, every full moon, he turns into a werewolf. But not just any werewolf, a werewolf that grows bigger and fiercer with every human he eats.
Griffin nods along before explaining to Archie that he’s having hallucinations. What if I proved it to you, Archie asks. Would you believe me then? Sure, Griffin says. Why not. So they go to Griffin’s remote cabin and tie Archie up in preparation for when he “transforms.” Griffin then pops on his video camera and starts taping. Needless to say, Griffin learns fairly quickly that Archie wasn’t lying.
In fact, Archie breaks free of his restraints and the next thing Griffin knows, he’s jumping into his Ferrari and speeding the hell out of the forest – WITH A GIANT WEREWOLF JUST INCHES BEHIND HIM. Griffin gets to a paved road and shoves the car into 4th gear, climbing up to 100 miles per hour. But the werewolf is STILL behind him! It’s only when Griffin gets up to 120 that he’s able to ditch the monster.
Griffin runs to his new girlfriend, criminal attorney Marcy, and explains what just happened. She, of course, doesn’t believe him, so they set up a SECOND taping session so that Marcy can see what he saw. Unfortunately, as they’re getting the experiment ready, 12 cop cars show up. They’re arresting Archie for his suspicious ties to several dozen people who were killed in a remote town.
Guess what that means. That means Archie is going to be arraigned in court ON A FULL MOON. Griffin does everything he can to convince people that Archie is a werewolf and that if they don’t restrain him, they’re all going to die. But they ignore him. And boy do they regret it. During the court session, Archie transforms and immediately jumps onto the judge and BITES HIS HEAD OFF.
After fleeing, Griffin explains to Marcy that he had a bunch of silver bullets special made just in case this happened. So they locate a gun and off they go to try and find Archie. Except Archie is busy running through Los Angeles, eating everything in sight. He even pops by LAX and eats an entire plane full of passengers! It’ll be up to Griffin now – who’s never fired a gun before – to find Archie, shoot him down, and stop the killing!
Remember how I told you a couple of weeks ago that one great set piece can sell a script? Never has there been more proof of that than Bad Dog. I know EXACTLY why this sold. And, after reading the plot synopsis, you should too. Giant were-beast chases Ferrari going 100 miles per hour. That’s why this sold. Spielberg loves a great chase scene and this was the faster crazier version of his famous T-Rex jeep scene. It’s a really cool scene. But is it the only thing this script has going for it?
Actually, no.
Bad Dog may not be reinventing the dog bowl but it’s a script that understands something a lot of writers have forgotten since the 90s. Which is that you shouldn’t be writing screenplays. You should be writing MOVIES. Ironic, I know, since this never became a movie. But it should’ve. I’m sure the reason it didn’t was the same reason any Spielberg project gets killed – he’s got a million projects he wants to do and he can’t make them all.
I’m going to tell you where this script won me over. It was the point where Griffin was about to prove to Marcy that Archie was a werewolf. I was reading it thinking, ‘Oh boy. Here we go. We’re going to repeat the beat in the story WE JUST SAW when Griffin watched Archie become a werewolf.’ But then the cops showed up and arrested Archie. My mind immediately switched over to, “Ohhh, okay. We’ve got a movie now.”
Why do we have a movie?
Because watching somebody change into a werewolf in a controlled environment with two people around isn’t exciting. But watching our future werewolf be pulled into a courtroom with a hundred people sitting around, none of whom know he’s a werewolf? Now you have some serious dramatic irony (we, the audience, know he’s dangerous, but nobody else does) with some serious stakes (every single person here is in danger of being killed).
You can FEEL the suspense. You can FEEL the tension. If they would just listen to Griffin. Please listen to Griffin! Once the werewolf gets loose, it’s open season in the city of Los Angeles and who doesn’t want to watch that? I know I do.
Okay Carson, but there must be something wrong with the script if they never made the movie. Yes, there are a few things wrong. The love story between Griffin and Marcy is cheesy as hell. And it’s hard to buy into Griffin and his ten silver bullets being the only thing that can stop the werewolf. Oh, and the tone is weird. The first half of the movie is all talking. The second half is all action. But none of these things are script killers. They could be worked out in rewrites.
The reason Bad Dog works is because IT’S A MOVIE. A werewolf that keeps getting bigger the more people he eats running around rough-shod through a major metropolitan area is a movie. I can envision that on the big screen. Now, the question becomes, is it a movie in 2021? To be honest, I don’t know. It’s not perfect. But when it comes to non-superhero IP, this is as good as anything the studios are putting out there these days.
Take a look for yourself and see if you agree!
Script link: Bad Dog
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: As crazy as it sounds, Bad Dog did in 1997 what nobody’s been able to do in the 25 years since – come up with a fresh spin on werewolves. When you’re writing about vampires or zombies or werewolves or Dracula or Frankenstein – you want to look for ways to advance the lore. Creating a werewolf that grows bigger with each kill turns a horror monster into a blockbuster monster. No doubt this is exactly what Spielberg liked about the idea.
Plus the writer, Alex Felix, chimes in on what it was like getting the script made. An insightful look into the development and production process of Hollywood!
Genre: Drama/Crime
Logline: (from IMDB) A social worker assigned to the care of the daughter of a single mother intervenes when the dad returns from prison and lures them into a life of crime.
About: Almost a decade ago, I read a script that blew my socks off called Where Angels Die. I still remember being up at 4 in the morning, exhausted, opening this script up, and getting taken on this wild kickass ride. The script then began a long journey familiar to many in Hollywood known as development hell. Well, finally, the movie has been made as The Gateway (renamed because it’s now set in St. Louis, considered the “gateway to the West”). Today, I review the movie as well as get some deft insight into the film’s journey from the writer himself, Alex Felix.
Writers: Alex Felix Bendaña and Andrew Levitas and Michele Civetta
Details: 90 minutes, directed by Michele Civetta
I watched two things this weekend – The Gateway and Y The Last Man. If there ever was a reminder that you must be in this business for the long run, these two projects are it. Both have taken almost a decade to get made. And while you can still recognize the original material in each, a lot was changed over the course of their development.
It wasn’t supposed to be that way for Where Angels Die. The project had a chance at getting made quickly. Here’s writer Alex Felix explaining what happened:
“Shortly after you gave the script a glowing review, I got repped and my agents began sending the script around town. While that was happening, someone else had sent the script to Adrián Guerra at Nostromo Pictures and he reached out almost immediately. He wanted to option the script for Rodrigo Cortés, a director who he had worked with and who I was a big fan of. I loved what Rodrigo had done with BURIED and RED LIGHTS and met with him to discuss his vision for the project. He said that if I gave him a shot, that he’d be interested in taking it to Ryan Reynolds, who he had worked with on BURIED.
I went back to my team and told them about Adrián and Rodrigo and was immediately shut down. They said they were out to A-List directors and talent and that there was no way we were going to lock the script up so soon. At that point in time, I had just secured representation, and with zero experience under my belt, I decided to listen to them. If I’m being honest, I was worried that if I didn’t listen to them, that they would let me go as a client. Looking back, this was the biggest single mistake I’ve ever made in my time in Hollywood and the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn.”
I’ve seen this happen many times myself. Agencies want to do things their way. They have a system they follow. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong. CAA puts a ton of projects together. But they can be dismissive when an outside package is presented to them that doesn’t align with their master equation.
To Alex’s credit, he kept pushing and would eventually get some help.
“I kept networking and I did land a few big writing assignments but I still really wanted to get WHERE ANGELS DIE made, and so I re-approached Adrián and Rodrigo. Unsurprisingly, they were busy with newer projects, but Adrián did have some script doctoring work he needed done and so I worked on a few really cool projects with him and we remain good friends to this day.
Later on, I met a producer named Anna Halberg who I instantly clicked with. She absolutely loved ANGELS and asked if she could help me try to get it made. Looking back, there is no doubt in my mind that the reason the project actually became a film is as a direct result of all the hard work Anna poured into the project and because of her unwavering belief in the script.”
For those who haven’t seen The Gateway, it’s about a social worker, Parker, who’s become close with one of the families he was assigned to. He helps take the daughter to school when needed and is a shoulder to cry on for the mother, Dahlia. But then Dahlia’s convict boyfriend, Mike, gets out of prison and throws everything out of whack.
After Mike reunites with his buddies and steals a bunch of drugs from a drug house, Parker makes the decision to excavate Dahlia and her daughter from Mike’s clutches, getting his hands on the drugs Mike stole in the process. Since Parker knows Mike will follow him to the ends of the earth to get his family back, he offers Mike the drugs if he’ll leave them alone. This results in a big final shoot-em-up where not everyone is left standing.
Watching this movie was a bit of an out-of-body experience. You have this very exciting memory from your past and then this movie comes along that gives you a direct line into that memory, but does so from a completely different point of view. All of the details are different. And the details, it turns out, are what made the memory so powerful.
For example, I remember this crazy stapler attack scene from the script. It was a big moment that really stayed with me after reading it. When that scene appeared in The Gateway, it was much softer, much quicker, less original. This would happen a lot while watching the film. The moments I remembered didn’t have the teeth those original scenes did. Jaws were replaced with dentures.
It was a reminder of how brutal the system can be. You move mountains to get an A-list director or actor on your project because if you do that, it’s like having a Michelin star chef cook your meal. You don’t just get the chef. You get the gorgeous restaurant, the best location, the best cuts of meat, all the freshest ingredients. People like that can turn a meal into an experience.
If no A-listers bite, you can still make a great meal. Hell, I’ve had a slice of pepperoni pizza from Village Pizzeria that was just as good as the Margherita pizza at Osteria Mozza. But the odds start working against you. B-List actors mean B-list money. That means you have less days to shoot. That means you have less money for sets and locations. You have less money for actors. You have less money for music.
As I’m watching The Gateway, I kept thinking, “if they just had a little more money.” What I remember about the screenplay is that it would strategically creep along, building tension, before hitting you with these WHOPPER moments. Those moments are less frequent in the film. Instead, they focus on the smaller quieter exchanges.
I’m guessing they had to do this because they didn’t have the money. I’m sure they would’ve loved to have shot in an opera house. But, due to budget constraints, they shot in a tiny bar with three patrons instead.
Stories need balance. The small personal moments are what drive the emotional through-line of your movie, yes. But they need bigger flashier moments to balance them out. If it’s all small all the time, the movie starts to feel monotone. It starts to feel generic.
A good comp would be a movie like Good Time (it seems like Civetta is inspired by the Safdie Brothers). Good Time has small intense moments between the two brothers. But those moments were balanced out by a crazy chase scene. Or a random tweaked-out dude who would show up in their car and tell them a wild ten minute story about how he ended up there.
The Gateway tries its best, but even the big featured set-piece – the bad guys storming the drug den to steal money – felt muddled and unclear. As it was happening, I said to myself, “Wait, what’s going on right now? Why are they coming here?” It wasn’t explained well.
“Why is there a kiddie pool in the middle of the floor? Why is there a guy riding a bike inside the warehouse?” It was like the director wanted to do some Boogie Nights inspired weirdness but forgot to organically tie it into the story, something I thought Alex did a great job of in the original script. Every crazy moment from the script felt designed. Felt like it had a purpose.
Despite all this, the movie had its moments. Almost all of them come from Shea Whigham, who’s dialed into the role of Parker throughout. Him sharing a fun moment with the daughter. Him staring Mike down in his doorway when they first meet. It was cool to see those moments come to life because you read these scripts when they’re digital paper and you never know what’s going to come of them, then ten years later you’re seeing it acted out with real actors and a real crew and the production level that even a small Hollywood production can bring to the table and, I’m not going to lie, I got a little choked up. I saw those flashes of the script I read and, for a brief moment, I was experiencing the same thing I experienced that Friday morning at 4am.
I don’t think there’s enough ‘different’ going on in this movie to draw in the average viewer but if you’ve been following Where Angels Die from the beginning here on Scriptshadow, you should definitely check The Gateway out.
[ ] What the hell did I just watch?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the stream
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Today’s lesson comes from Alex. “If I can pass on just one piece of advice to aspiring writers out there, it’s this: if you ever get the opportunity to get your project made by a director whose work you like and respect and/or a producer with a great track record who is enthusiastic about your project, take it. For an unproduced writer, getting a project made is literally like winning the lottery. Think about it this way: If you found out that you won a million-dollar lottery, and someone told you that instead of cashing in your winning million-dollar ticket, they wanted you to forfeit it in order to put it back into a smaller lottery pool for a one in a hundred chance to win one hundred million dollars, would you do it? Would you trade a guaranteed million dollars for a one in a hundred chance to win one hundred million? Because that’s essentially what you’re doing at that point, and unfortunately, it’s what I did. Sure enough, all of the A-List prospects that my reps were out to dried up as time went on. I went on a ton of general meetings and did some great networking, but I completely blew my shot at getting my movie made with what would have been an absolutely fantastic team. I want to be clear that I don’t blame my reps for taking the position that they did, and I understand why they insisted on waiting. They gave me the advice they thought was in the best interest of the project, which I just so happened to disagree with. My only regret is not going with my gut, and the only person I blame is myself.”
And here’s a little more from Alex…
Pretty soon, she (Anna) got the script set up at Radar Pictures, and they sent the
project out to directors and actors they had worked with. As time
marched on, Anna and I realized that it looked like they were really
busy with some other projects they had that were further along and that
ANGELS probably wasn’t going to happen with them, so we respectfully
parted ways and there were no hard feelings on either side. Radar had
had the script for quite some time, but Anna kept hustling and we soon
found a new possible producing partner for the project along with a
director who was interested.
I had never heard of this director but I met with him and he seemed
passionate about the project. By this time, years had gone by and I was
afraid the project was going to die on the vine so I decided to give him
a shot at the material. We took the project back out with this new
director, but as time went by, we were unable to attach talent to the
project, which I can only assume was because he was a newcomer and
relatively unheard of. Luckily, he decided to step down as director but
stayed on as a producer, which meant that Michele Civetta, who had a
great background doing music videos, commercials, and indie films, was
able to board the project. Shortly after that, Shea Whigham signed on to
play Parker, then Olivia Munn signed on to play Dahlia and the rest of
the cast quickly followed.
In the end, I feel incredibly grateful to have finally seen this project
get made. I learned so many hard-fought lessons along the way and made
mistakes which I’ll never make again and which I hope other writers can
learn from, but without a doubt, the most important lesson I learned was
to never let anyone stand in the way of you getting your project made.
Whether that be an agent or a producer or a manager, it’s up to you as
the writer to do everything in your power to protect your project. This
project almost died because I made that mistake so early on, and
although I was new to the industry and had no idea what I was doing, it
took me many years to fully forgive myself.
I was incredibly lucky to find a producer who believed in and fought for
the project the way Anna did. She stuck with it through all of the ups
and downs, and I can’t stress enough how important it is to find someone
like that, someone who is as passionate about your project as you are
and who is 100% committed to seeing it through to the end. I also want
to tip my hat to Michele, who I thought did a fantastic job making this
movie on an indie budget. I liked a lot of the creative decisions that
were made on his part, and I loved the ensemble cast he put together.
It’s finally here. If you don’t know what’s happening, let’s catch you up. The Scriptshadow Showdown Series is a screenplay competition where anyone can send in their script to compete. I go through all the loglines and pick my favorite five. I then post those five, along with the scripts, for you, the readers, to judge.
Yes, that’s where you come in. You read as much of each entry as you can and vote for your favorite in the comments section (just write the title of your favorite script and your vote is counted). Feel free to add commentary on why you picked the script and also why you didn’t pick the others. Showdowns double as an opportunity for the competing screenwriters to get feedback and improve.
Today’s showdown is for sci-fi scripts only. Whoever gets the most votes will get a script review next Friday, so you can check back to see how the winning script fared. In the best case scenario, I’ll flip for the script and we can try and get it produced. A friendly reminder that voting closes Sunday at 11:59pm. So make sure to get your votes in before then!
Finally, a big thank you to everyone who submitted. If you didn’t get picked, it could be for any number of reasons. The idea wasn’t interesting/big enough. It wasn’t marketable enough. The logline didn’t convey a clear story with a beginning, middle, and end. It wasn’t my cup of tea. I’ve seen too many similar projects out there. The idea wasn’t good enough to justify the huge budget. As is the case with all showdowns, if you feel like your idea is better than these five, pitch it in the comments. If a bunch of people say, “You missed out on a good one, Carson,” I’ll make it an official entry. Time permitting, I’ll respond and let you know why your logline wasn’t picked.
Now…
ARE YOU REAAAAADDDYYYYYYY FORRRRRR SOME SCREENPLAAAAAAYS!!??
I’ve read the first page of all five entries and two of those entries, in my opinion, are head and shoulders better than the rest. Excited to see if you agree.
Welcome to Sci-Fi Showdown 2021
Good luck!
Title: Shardworld
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: In a future where Earth has been shattered to pieces, a young tribeswoman must stop a war that will destroy the last remaining records of human history.
Why You Should Read: The post-apocalyptic story to end all post-apocalyptic stories! Earth has literally been blown to pieces, one of them large enough to just barely sustain human life. The new center of gravity is so close to the surface that the remaining air and water bunch up and form a mile-high mountain that moves due to the tidal effect of the other shards from the shattered Earth. 99.999% of all species are gone, leaving algae, floating reeds, a few fishes, and humans – a tiny group of scavengers that has survived 800 years by religiously limiting their population to what their environment can sustain. And suddenly, a new and much larger group emerges…
Title: FIVE MINUTES DEAD
Genre: Sci-fi/Horror
Logline: When a lonely man finds a button that enables him to travel back in time five minutes once a day, he uses it to win the love of a troubled waitress, then starts exploring darker possibilities.
Why You Should Read: Imagine coming across a device offering great power. A time machine! But what if that time machine is very specific? You can only go back in time five minutes once a day. You can’t kill Hitler, but you can ask the same woman out over and over until you get it right. You can punch the jerk you’ve always wanted to punch, then take it back. Power is intoxicating, even a very specific power like the Button. With FIVE MINUTES DEAD I wanted to put a unique spin on the time travel story. There are no fancy special effects (budget-wise, very doable). There’s only a man who loses himself to the power, and a woman with big dreams who discovers his secret and must either stop him, or fall victim to his descent into darkness. You should want to read FIVE MINUTES DEAD because it’s thrilling, dark, and different.
Title: Turnpike Jackknife
Genre: Sci-fi
Logline: In the future, a loner soldier-for-hire riding shotgun on a driverless truck must get her secret cargo past pirate drones, rogue farmers and a corporate countdown, aided by a ragtag team she picks up along the way.
Why You Should Read: This screenplay is chock-full of osmotic influences from ’70s/‘80s B-movie sci-fi and road movies, things I probably watched after midnight when there was such a thing as a late show, with a big nod to trucker movies such as Jonathan Kaplan’s “White Line Fever” and Sam Penckinpah’s “Convoy,” This is a simple and propulsive tale that speculates on some of the less-considered aspects of future tech on our workaday lives: for instance, if the highway of tomorrow is all robotically driven, what happens to the romance of the road for those left to travel it? Such speculative notions are weaved in and around action set pieces that take full advantage of a mid-21st century road setting, with drones, airships, and AI-controlled truck convoys all coming into play.
Title: MAXIMUS
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: After an apocalyptic event, a washed-up bounty hunter must escort a sixteen year old girl to safety – the key to the survival of a species – before the launch of a full scale alien invasion.
Why You Should Read: I’ve been obsessed with mind control type movies for a long time. Probably since watching the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers in film school, as it related to the Communist Red Scare paranoia of the 1950’s. I’m even a fan of the late 90’s movie Disturbing Behavior starring Katie Holmes. This obsession led me to the idea that maybe an alien species does not need to be organic in nature. Why not a gas? Or a liquid, perhaps? Turning over such an idea led me to write Maximus, which my brother feels is my own Terminator, though I prefer to think of it as Logan meets War of the Worlds. It was written to be a low budget sci-fi feature and it was purposely set in locales that could take advantage of current U.S. film tax incentives. I was thinking like a producer during the entire writing phase! Lately, I’ve been feeling that Covid-19 and world pandemics may have played a part in influencing this story (how could they not!) – just the way a deadly mysterious new disease influenced John Carpenter’s The Thing, and 9-11 may have brought on The Walking Dead and a slew of zombie films (as they represent a world in chaos). So with that, I bring you MAXIMUS, a low budget sci-fi movie that will scare the hell out of you, keep you wearing an N-95 mask over your face until your dying breath, and will make you wary of every living thing… because, after all, you could be next! Enjoy!
Title: Black Sky
Genre: Sci-fi/Horror
Logline: When a photosensitive alien force blacks out the sun, a dysfunctional family must survive together in a perpetually dark world full of predatory creatures, while trying not to lose the only thing that can protect them: the light.
Why You Should Read: Black Sky is my first sci-fi screenplay, though it’s as much a horror/thriller and family drama as it is sci-fi. Definitely a sci-fi concept though. I see Black Sky as a possible franchise, and/or a TV series. It’s in the vein of A Quiet Place, Signs, Bird Box, and The Walking Dead. I wrote it to be produced on a low-budget, but ironically a couple of people who’ve read it compared it to War of The Worlds. I’m not sure about that but I was pleased by the comparison and in any case I believe it can be produced low-budget regardless of that comparison. My last two screenplays, both set in a car and written to be made for a micro-budget, were recently #1 and #3 on the black list paid platform top list and consequently I have a shopping agreement with a great company in LA for one of the scripts, and I’m in negotiations with a producer who’s made more than a dozen movies on the other script, so being high on the black list really made a difference and hopefully I’m on a bit of a roll and can get representation now. In the meantime, it’d be great to get feedback from Scriptshadowers and possibly Carson if it were selected for Sci-fi Showdown.
