Today’s script review challenges the notion of non-traditional narratives.

Genre: Drama/Thriller
Premise: When a Native American girl’s brother is critically injured, she rushes to a nearby military compound for help. But after two soldiers are deployed to find the man, it becomes unclear if their intention is to help or hurt him.
About: Rupert Wyatt directed one of my favorite movies of the last few years, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Since then, however, he’s been carefully taking his time looking for his next project. I’ve seen him attached to everything from the Apes sequel to The Equalizer. But word on the street is he’s looking to direct one of his own projects. This dark drama-thriller could be in the running.
Writers: Rupert Wyatt and Daniel Hardy
Details: 97 pages

Scriptshadow suggestion: Christian Bale for Patrick

When I first saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I was baffled as to what I was actually watching. A big-budget movie that was essentially a silent film? An animal as the main character (no, I’m not referring to James Franco)? A non-traditional narrative? Was I in a 1990’s New York art house or the Arclight in Hollywood?

We’ve had some debate about this before, but USUALLY (not always) scenes tend to be more interesting when you tell them through action as opposed to words. Go ahead, try it. Pop open the script you’re currently working on and pull open a talky scene. Try to do that exact same scene with no words. It’ll probably end up better.

I was curious to see if Wyatt, along with his writing partner, Daniel Hardy, would bring that same approach to this new script. And really, I was just wanted to see what these guys would write about when left to their own devices. Once again, I wasn’t prepared for what would unfold. Like Apes, we have another non-traditional narrative here. The question is, did that choice help or hinder the screenplay?

30 year old Squad Leader John Patrick is the cool, cold soldier under pressure. When you encounter the enemy, there’s no one you’d rather have leading you into battle than this guy. But we aren’t on the battlefield. We’re at a military base in the U.S. with a bunch of soldiers who have nothing to do. And when a bunch of young jarheads with too much testosterone in their blood have a bunch of time on their hands, bad things usually happen.

So one day Patrick, while watching the post with his wet-behind-the-ears partner, Cobb, spots a teenage Native American girl Zote, running towards the base. When they confront her, they find out her older brother has been critically injured and needs help. The two follow Zote into the woods, and we notice that Patrick is particularly interested in finding the brother, despite (supposedly) knowing nothing about him.

Once they get to the spot where the brother is injured, they see that he’s been taken. But where? And by whom? Patrick and Cobb determine that it’s probably whoever hurt him in the first place and he’s likely transporting the brother back someplace where he can finish the job. So they follow the man’s trail in hopes of catching up and saving the brother.

In the meantime, we’re jumping back in time to a parallel storyline that happened a couple of days ago, where Patrick, Cobb and the rest of the station’s soldiers go out drinking at a nearby bar frequented by Indians. After flirting with some Indian girls, we notice Zote’s brother watching the soldiers from the corner of the bar, particularly Patrick’s best friend, Bennett.

Back in the present, Patrick, Cobb and Zote finally find the brother safe in a cabin. It turns out whoever brought him here wanted to help, not hurt, him. But that doesn’t last long. Patrick pulls out a gun and coldly shoots the brother in the face! Holy Moses what the hell just happened?!

As Cobb and Zote wrestle Patrick to the ground, we learn from Patrick and a couple more flashbacks that the brother is responsible for killing Bennett. Patrick and the other soldiers had already tried to kill the brother once, but he obviously survived. That’s why he’s been so hell-bent on catching up to him – to finish the job.

This of course means, unfortunately, that Patrick has to kill the sister as well. But Cobb isn’t down with that and takes Zote on the run. What started as a pursuit now becomes a race to get to safety before Patrick catches up to them and kills them both.

Whoa, this script was a tale of two halves. I’ll be honest. For the first half, I was in “What page am I on?” mode. There were two main reasons for this. First, I couldn’t figure out why Patrick was so set on saving the brother of a girl he didn’t even know. He’s a soldier, not a policeman. Why not call the cops and let them deal with it? The motivation didn’t seem to be there.

Now later on we find out the truth, that he wanted to kill this guy all along. But that’s the thing with hidden motivations. They pay off eventually, but run the risk of frustrating the audience before they get there.

Then there were the flashbacks. In the second half of the script, these flashbacks helped formulate what happened two nights ago and how that led to the present situation. We understand, after Patrick kills the brother, that these two timelines are a cause-and-effect situation.

Before that, however, there’s nothing interesting happening during the past timeline. It’s just a bunch of soldiers hanging out. But what’s worse is that there’s no indication that THERE EVER WILL BE A CONNECTION with that timeline. So we go on for half the movie watching character backstory and nothing more.

However, once Patrick, who is supposed to be our protagonist, takes out that gun and shoots the brother, everything changed. The script literally became a different story. It was almost like a Psycho situation where you’re going, “Wait? Who’s our protagonist now??”

This got me thinking about non-traditional narratives in general. When to use them and when to stay away from them. Having us go through 25 pages of backstory that didn’t seem to be pushing towards anything was a huge risk. It paid off in the end, but I can see some readers being like, “Man, why are we watching all this past stuff when nothing’s happening??” then mentally checking out.

So I think you have to ask yourself WHY you’re using a nontraditional narrative and if it’s the most effective way to tell your story. Are you just doing it to be different? Or is there an actual story purpose for it? And maybe, just as importantly, is there an actual EMOTIONAL purpose for it? What is it you want the audience to FEEL by jumping around in your timeline?

A perfect example is 500 Days Of Summer. The reason the writers kept jumping around between the 500 days of this relationship was to show the emotional toll this was taking on our protagonist. One second (Day 38) he’s having the time of his life with Summer, the next (Day 189) he’s fighting for the relationship’s life. You can’t bring a reader to such a high and then such a low so quickly by showing that relationship linearly.

Getting back to The Trail, I think the key to making this entire script work (and not just the second half) may be to imply something bad is going to happen in the flashback storyline. Because until we get to the bar where the soldiers cross paths with the brother, there’s no indication as to what the purpose of these flashbacks is, and therefore they’re kind of boring.

In good old fashioned storytelling terms, we need some suspense! Tarantino and Hitchcock are masters at this. Indicate a terrible thing will happen, then milk the scene or sequence until that moment arrives. Check out the opening scene of Inglorious Basterds. We indicate the Jews under this floor are going to be murdered, then Tarantino toys with you for the next ten minutes until it happens.

Then again, I’m thinking that Wyatt and Hardy purposely kept things uneventful in those flashbacks so the killing would be a surprise. And it was. And that’s the thing about storytelling. With every choice, you’re making a trade-off. You can never it all. If you could, then everyone would be writing million dollar scripts.

The Trail got good right when it needed to. But it has the potential to be great with some first-half re-writing. I hope Wyatt and Hardy figure it out cause I can’t wait to see what Wyatt does with his next film.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Try not to use flashback storylines that run parallel to your present day storylines if all you’re using them for is backstory. Make sure there’s a goal, a mystery, or the implication that something big (usually bad) is going to happen. In short, let the reader know you’re building towards something so that they see the past narrative as a story in itself.

It’s another pilot day here at Scriptshadow. Today we take a look at a show from the writer of Easy A!

Genre: TV Pilot – Comedy/Light Sci-Fi
Premise: A young female filmmaker obsessed with a long since dead rock star, finds herself travelling back in time, where she meets and falls in love with him.
About: This pilot was written by the same writer who wrote “Easy A.” Word on the street is that the script was good, but whoever directed it ruined it and that was the last time poor “Dakota” saw the light of day. Bert Royal is known as a gifted writer who hasn’t had to work very hard for his success. His first professional writing gig, a play, was written while Royal was unemployed and living at his dad’s house. He actually told his father the reason he needed to move in was to “write something,” then promptly spent the next few months doing nothing but watching TV. It wasn’t until his dad asked to see what he was writing that Royal force-fed a play onto the page. Lo and behold, that play went on to get picked up!
Writer: Bert V. Royal
Details: 55 pages

I was talking to Miss Scriptshadow about this one. I said, “I don’t know, Miss Scriptshadow. I don’t think I’m the audience for this. It’s got entitled rich girls who are actresses, directors, and celebutants. There’s a drop-dead gorgeous rock star. There’s a five-minute musical sequence that spans two time periods. As a straight non-female, I just don’t think this was written for me.”

She conceded that I might need some help, particularly because, like Royal, she too is inspired by trashy television. She’s actually seen shows like Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars, which clearly inspired Royal. So she snagged the script and we both started reading it. Now in honor of Royal’s love for trashy television, I’ve decided to review this entire pilot while watching The Bachelorette, which is down to the hometown dates.

Oh come on, Des! You have zero chemistry with Zak and don’t like him! You should’ve never met his family. #dontleadmenon

Dakota follows 22 year old Maya Beaumont. Maya is obsessed with this hot (and talented) rock star who committed suicide 20 years ago named Joey Dakota (a cross between Jeff Buckley and Jim Morrison I’m guessing). It just so happens Maya is the daughter of Joey’s manager and best friend, Nicky, which has given her some extra insight into the singer’s life. Unfortunately, her parents died in a car accident when she was five, so she doesn’t know much about them either.

This is probably why she just finished a documentary on Dakota’s music and tragic death. So much of her life is connected to this man, that the more she can learn about him, the better. Her obsession isn’t exactly helping her love life though. She’s scared off every boyfriend she’s ever had since none of them feel like they can measure up to the brooding Joey Dakota.

Oh my gawd, the family is actually SINGING A SONG they wrote for Des. Most awkward hometown date EV-ER!

So one day, Maya is minding her own business when she gets a secret package under the door that says “Joey Dakota didn’t commit suicide.” She rips opens the package, which has a CD with a song inside called “Come Back To Me,” that to Maya’s knowledge has never been recorded. Listening to the song makes her woozy and she passes out. When she wakes up, it’s 1990, the prime of Joey’s career!

The two bump into each other after one of his concerts and start hanging out, instantly falling in love. Ironically, Joey’s manager, Nicky (who will give birth to Maya in a few years) doesn’t like this mysterious chick who came out of nowhere and tells Joey to ditch her. That problem takes care of itself though, as Maya eventually wakes up back in the present day.

To me, Drew is just creepy. There’s something “American Psycho” about him. Don’t The Bachelor producers see this? Where is Chris Harrison when you need him?

There, she tries to convince her hot actress best friend that she travelled back in time and met Joey. Kinda believing her, they locate the man who sent her the mysterious CD. He tells her he can get her back to see Joey again. She’s excited, as she also wants to talk with her parents more. The man is taken aback. “Nobody’s told you,” he says. “Told me what?” “Your father’s not dead.” “He’s not?” “Your father is in prison. For the murder of Joey Dakota.”

Duh duh duh duhhhhhh. The End.

It’s Week 3 of my Pilot Warm-Up reviews and while I’m definitely becoming more familiar with these small-screen Rubik’s cubes, I’m not sure I’m reading the best material out there. I’ve gotten to the point where I know most of the feature writers. So if a script comes in, I have a good idea if it’s going to be good just by seeing who wrote it. Here, I’m more in the dark. Just because you’re a good feature writer doesn’t mean you’re going to be a good TV writer. So if you know of any good TV pilots, out there, send them to me!

Speaking of, as I read this, I couldn’t help but notice it felt more like a movie than a TV show. There really aren’t that many characters, which leaves very few people we want to continue to get to know as the show goes on. Everything comes down to this relationship between Maya and Joey, and I don’t know if that’s enough.

This is so awkward. This guy’s dad, who’s a chiropractor, is giving Desiree a back alignment! Not cool for a first time ‘meet the parents’ moment.

Are we just going to keep bouncing back and forth between the present and the past, with Maya continuously screwing up the timeline? I’d imagine that’d get boring by episode 6. While I didn’t fall in love with County last week, I could at least see characters that had long-term potential. For example, the main character was clearly going to have to fight against his flaw of wanting to help everyone in a system designed to help no one. It’s easy to imagine a hundred episodes of that. I’m not sure we even deal with any character flaws here, and character flaws that can’t be overcome are the heart of television, aren’t they?

#bachelorette. Chris says “there’s no way any of the other guys have a connection like us,” but I see no way he’s making it to the final two. #deadmanwalking

Another thing you have to establish (in a TV pilot or a movie) is the character hierarchy. Who’s who and what’s their connection to everyone else? The way all of the key characters were connected here felt clumsy. We meet Maya premiering her documentary about Joey Dakota, and her obsession with Dakota feels the way a daughter would obsess over the father she never had. But, of course, if Dakota is her father, that neutralizes any romantic storyline between the two, so Dakota is moved from a father to the friend and client of Nicky, who is Maya’s father. The best way I can describe this is it felt “made up.” Joey Dakota even lives in Nicky’s house, who’s married. What international rock star lives in his manager and wife’s home??

On top of all this, “Dakota” is so plot-based (needing to set up Maya’s obsession with Joey Dakota, the backstory of her parents, the time-travelling, and the two falling in love) that it took away from Royal’s biggest strength – his dialogue! That’s what really shined and what set him apart when he broke through with Easy A. I remember when that script came out, everyone kept saying, “the dialogue, the dialogue, the dialogue!” We get a little of that here with Maya and her friends, and then flashes of it with her and Dakota, but otherwise we’re too busy jumping from plot-point to plot point.

#bachelornation Oh my God! Zak threw his family heirloom ring OUT THE WINDOW after getting dumped. O.M.G.! Top Ten Bachelor Moment!!!

This is proof of just how difficult pilots can be, in that you have to set up all your characters AND your plot in this tiny little 45 minute chunk. This is particularly true with a pilot that’s plot-centric, like this one. If I were a show-runner on this (which I’m sure network execs would just be thrilled about) I’d work really hard to develop ALL the other characters and not just the main two. And I wouldn’t make everyone so vapid (not everybody has to be beautiful and stupid). I would try to get into who these people were and how they became this way. Isn’t that why we write TV, to explore people? I asked Miss SS if this was an accurate representation of the script and she looked at me and said, “Huh?” “The pilot?” I said. “What’d you think?” “Oh, I stopped reading that an hour ago. I’m watching The Bachelorette now.”

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If you’re going to write a pilot that’s plot-heavy, know that writing in all that plot is going to take time away from setting up your characters. Since almost all TV is character-based, this is a risky move.

If you want to see me review more pilots, send me the good professional pilots that are out there! carsonreeves1@gmail.com.

The Other Star Wars had the most difficult job of any script I’ve ever read. It followed my viewing of Sharknado, the greatest movie in history.

Amateur Friday Submission Process: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, a PDF of the first ten pages of your script, your title, genre, logline, and finally, why I should read your script. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Your script and “first ten” will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effects of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.

Genre: Comedy/Satire
Premise: (from writer) When President Reagan announces his Strategic Defense Initiative, it sets off a chain of increasingly outrageous misunderstandings between the KGB, CIA… and George Lucas. Only a fanboy-slacker can help avert nuclear disaster.
About: This script won the Amateur Offerings Weekend a couple of weeks ago. Submit your script (details up top) to get on the list. Best of the 5 picked that week will get a review. So make sure to submit a snazzy, well-crafted logline and a great query letter!
Writer: Paul Jarnagin
Details: 111 pages – (this draft has been slightly updated from the newsletter draft based off notes the writer received).

I’ve cooled on comedies lately because I’ve read so many bad ones over the past couple of years. But when you mix in Star Wars, my midichlorians start to tingle and everything’s a-okay in the galaxy once more. “Use the force, young Carson. Review this script,” are the words I hear from my Jedi Master, the late great Togan Sheeves.

And, of course, anything that gets me thinking about Episode 7 is good. For those who haven’t joined my newsletter yet, you should know I’m actually holding a Star Wars script contest that culminates at the end of the year. You write a Star Wars script, and I review the best five submitted. Write a sequel, a spin-off, any story that could happen in the Star Wars universe. We’ve been complaining about the prequels forever now. Show Disney you can do better and maybe they’ll buy your script. Now, onto TODAY’S Star Wars script.

It’s 1982. Tensions are high between the world’s two superpowers, the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. At any moment, someone could lob a nuclear missile at the other and begin the destruction of the planet. Not an optimistic time.

Which is why President Ronald Reagan and his group of advisors come up with SDI, a missile defense shield that will prevent any Soviet missiles from penetrating U.S. airspace. His team decides to designate this project, “Star Wars.”

Over in San Francisco, George Lucas hears about this and gets pissed. He’s about to release Return of the Jedi and the last thing he wants to worry about is politics. Little does George know, however, that the Soviets are VERY interested in him. Convinced that George’s movies hold some secret tidbits about the SDI program, the Soviets sneak into Skywalker Ranch, break into George’s biggest vault, and steal what’s inside – a single, mysterious video tape.

Hoping they can gleam clues from it, the Soviets bring the tape back to Russia and make hundreds of KGB agents watch it around the clock. The tape turns out to be The Star Wars Christmas Special, the single worst movie ever made. Worse than Sharknado 2: Shrimpicane. This plan has an unintended effect: after watching the tape, all of the agents go insane.

Meanwhile, across the galaxy (or the ocean), we have our hero, 21 year old Kent Macleroy. Kent is a jobless, penniless slacker who spends most of his time as the dungeon master in a 3 person Dungeons and Dragons group. Kent’s busy being a nobody when he’s suddenly recruited by the CIA for his unhealthy knowledge of Star Wars.

You see, the CIA has caught wind of the KGB’s obsession with George Lucas and now believe that Lucas is the key to this whole equation. So, Kent heads over to the CIA and just starts answering Star Wars questions for them (i.e. “Who is that little guy who sits next to Jabba The Hut?” “What are Ewoks?”). They then use this information to try and one-up the Soviets.

In the end, there’s a lot of posturing and positioning and red-tape ripping from the three major players– the Soviets, the CIA, and George Lucas. Only a miracle is going to prevent world disaster, not necessarily from a nuclear war, but from the The Star Wars Christmas Special being released again.

Looking back at “The Other Star Wars,” I’m sad to say I didn’t laugh much. And I’m not sure why.  I’m thinking it could be the whole “satire” thing. Satire scares me. It puts this “serious” slant on humor, which seems to contradict the very meaning of humor. Whenever I see the word, I feel like I need to get myself in “intelligent mode,” which forces me to pay attention more, which gets me all tense, which completely takes me out of the mood to laugh.

But even if that isn’t a problem for you (I’m sure it’s not), there are still some big issues that need fixing. First, the main character is barely a part of the story. I’m not even sure Kent has to be in this script. He’s basically an observer, and I would argue the fourth most important entity behind the CIA, the KGB, and Lucas. It’s possible, of course, to write a good movie without a main character, but it’s usually a death star sentence. Audiences like to identify with someone, hop on someone’s back, and root for them. I’m not sure Kent had enough weight to be a main character.  He didn’t have any presence.

And even if he did, he wasn’t doing anything. He was just observing. You’d like for your protagonist to be active, to drive the story, but Kent was more of commenter, constantly telling the CIA how stupid they were for believing that Lucas had anything to do with this. Which was funny, but you need your main character to do more than comment and observe in a script.

The next big issue was the lack of stakes. It wasn’t clear what happened if everybody didn’t get this sorted out. The logline ends with “help avert nuclear disaster,” but unless I missed something (which is possible – I found my mind wandering due to the lack of an engaging protagonist), there’s no impending nuclear disaster. This would be an easy fix. When the Soviets find out that the U.S. is instituting a missile defense shield, why not decide to launch an attack before the shield can go up? Now you have your movie’s ticking time bomb (literally) and everything everyone does has a lot more weight, because world destruction is only a button-press away.

Finally, the story became unnecessarily confusing. Again, a script read is a compound process. When a reader doesn’t like one thing, he starts to check out a little. When he doesn’t like another, he checks out more. Doesn’t like another, happens again. It’s human nature. And those two things (the lack of a solid hero and the lack of stakes) were so big, by the time the second half came around, my head wasn’t in it.

Still, I had trouble keeping up. I understood the Soviets motivation for going after Lucas’s stuff. But I was never clear on what the CIA was doing. They wanted to learn Star Wars in order to… understand why the KGB wanted to learn about Star Wars? Everything between the CIA and George Lucas was muddled. It needed to be laid out more clearly. And I think this goes back to that lack of a doomsday scenario. Because we were never sure what anyone was trying to prevent (no missile was in danger of being launched), it was hard to discern everyone’s motivations.

This was a cool idea, but I think for it to really sparkle, Paul would need to create a more present and active protagonist, inject higher stakes, and clear up what everyone is after. I wish him the best. Always rooting for my fellow Star Wars fans. ☺

Script link: The Other Star Wars

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If a character isn’t described when he’s introduced, I know immediately that the character is going to have problems. That’s the most basic form of character identification there is – the physical description. So if that’s not there, it tells me the writer didn’t look into his backstory, his flaws, his fears, his dreams, his secrets. Kent wasn’t described when introduced, and sure enough, he wasn’t active or present in the story.

The Big Idea script

I’ve written a couple of articles covering this kind of thing in the past, but observing the script market over the last couple of years, I’ve noticed and learned a few more things. One of those things is that most writers don’t break in with a big splashy spec sale. The more common route is to write a script that gets noticed around town, sign with a manager or agent off that script, meet with all the new contacts you’ve gained, and sooner or later start landing assignment work, which will afford you an opportunity to move up the professional ladder and hopefully make that big spec sale yet. For that reason, I’m no longer solely concerned with which kinds of scripts sell, but rather which kinds of scripts get you noticed. That’ll be the focus of today’s article. Here are the six script types that will, at the very least, get you noticed, and if you’re lucky, sell.

The Big Idea – What producer out there doesn’t love money? They love it! Money not only affords a producer a nice house, a nice car, nice schools for their kids – it affords them OPTIONS. When you have money, you can be picky. You can take more chances. And those chances allow you to grow as a company, to become a bigger player, a more dominant force in the industry. Which is really all any producer wants. And the script that affords them the best chance at this is The Big Idea. High-Concept movie fare. Stuff that can be turned into a franchise. This includes, but isn’t limited to, big robots, big monsters, vampires, spies, time-travel, big comedy ideas, wizards, zombies, super-heroes and much much more. Anything that you can imagine audiences coming out in droves to see. Now you still want to be clever with your idea. You want to look for ways to write these ideas that haven’t been done before. But if you do, these scripts almost always give you the best shot at getting noticed.

The Spectacular Script – The Spectacular Script is just that, a spectacular script. Nothing short of amazing will suffice. The story should be expertly plotted. The characters should be original, deep and dynamic. The relationships should move us. We shouldn’t be able to predict any of the twists or turns, yet when they arrive, they should make perfect sense. The ending should rock us to our soul. This is the rarest script to break through with because there just aren’t many people out there who can pull off a spectacular script and those who can are usually already professionals. I consider Where Angels Die a spectacular script. I consider American Beauty a spectacular script. If you’re using a character piece or a straight-forward drama to get noticed, you have no choice but to write a spectacular script as these genres aren’t marketable enough to weather anything but perfection.

The “Out of Left Field” Script – This is that goofy wacky idea that’s so bizarre, readers HAVE to read it. Charlie Kaufman popularized these scripts back in the 90s, and they’ve since become a staple on the Black List. We have The Beaver (a man who walks around with a Beaver puppet on his hand), The Happytime Murders (puppet noir). The Voices (A serial killer whose talking pets inspire him to keep killing). The idea is to write something so odd, so weird, so unexpected, that it inspires this reaction from the reader: “You’ll never believe what I read today.” Often, the trick with these scripts is to take something people normally consider light and fun, and turn it into something dark, dirty or violent. Cute kitty? Have him tell your main character to kill his girlfriend. Puppets? Have them investigating a murder. These scripts are less about selling and more about getting read. There hasn’t been a huge “Out of Left Field” script for a couple of years now so the market is definitely ripe for one.

The “Flipping A Genre On Its Head” Script – Flipping a genre on its head (or “updating” a genre) has been one of the most tried and true ways to write a saleable script out there. The idea is to take a genre (or idea), and add something new, fresh, or unexpected to it. The pirate genre was dead for 20 years. Then Pirates of The Caribbean came around and added ghost pirates to the mix. The genre was instantly invigorated. Snow White was this fragile pale little fairy tale creature. Snow White and the Huntsman turned her and the world around her hard and edgy. We saw big directors add contemporary spins to Star Trek and The Great Gatsby. Maybe one of the reasons The Lone Ranger failed was that they failed to flip it or update it. It was just the same old story. There’s a lot of classic material out there just waiting for a makeover. It takes writers with vision to spot this material and know what to do with it.

The “A List Actor” Script – Outside of huge franchise properties, the biggest thing that makes a movie go is the star. And the good news is that stars like good material. Sure, they love money too. Every big actor wants to be paid their 20 million dollar quote. But when they’re not doing those huge films, they’re just looking for good material that has a part in there they’d love to play. This is where you enter the equation. Simply put yourself in an actor’s shoes and ask, what role would I love to play more than anything? Chances are, it’d be something complex, right? Something that challenges you and allows you to flex your acting chops? OCD, multiple personality disorder, multiple parts, addiction, historic complex figures, mentally challenged, physically challenged, mentally disturbed, someone with a potentially damning secret (i.e. they may be homosexual). But that’s not all. Actors also like to play heroic kick-ass roles if there’s a unique angle to them (Book of Eli – he’s blind, The Bourne Identity – he has amnesia). Write a good script for an A-List actor and you’re in good shape.

The Viral Script – These are scripts that do not have a shot at selling. They are written to be read only, and therefore the goal is to go viral. Now why would you ever write a script that wasn’t meant to be purchased? Because for your long-term prospects in the industry, you want as many people reading your stuff as possible. The Viral Script spreads through word-of-mouth, which is the best way to find new fans. Popular Viral Scripts include Blockhead, about the Peanuts gang grown up in New York doing drugs and having sex. Balls-Out, a script focused on making fun of screenwriting conventions. And A Many Splintered Thing, a noted Nicholl script, which was written in the first person. These scripts are always a gamble, because you run the risk of people going, “Why the fuck are you giving me a script that has no chance of selling?” But the entire screenwriting profession is a risk, and the cool thing about these scripts is you can take chances with them you’d normally never be able to take. Seriously – break every rule in the book. You’re writing without the pressure of having to sell anything. One other piece of advice with these scripts: Push the envelope. You want to be really crazy, out there, and constantly challenging the boundaries of screenwriting. Nobody sends a “viral” anything around that’s safe.

Now are these the only scripts that get noticed? Of course not. High-Concept found footage films still get a lot of reads (i.e. Chronicle and recent spec sale, Glimmer). A good horror script will always get reads because horror’s cheap to produce and offers a big up-side. And of course, anyone with a script that displays an original voice will get read. But the six I’ve listed above – those are the biggies. I will remind you of two more very important factors in getting noticed though. First, you need to give us something we haven’t seen before. No matter which one of these options you pick, do not copy what you’ve seen before. You have to give it your own unique spin. Second, you have to execute. A Big Idea script is useless to me if it’s sloppily constructed and has boring characters. And finally, the more of these things you can pack into one script, the better. If you give me a big idea that flips a genre on its head with a great part for an A-List actor (Pirates Of The Caribbean), you’ll have all of Hollywood knocking at your door.

NEXT THURSDAY – The Six Types Of Scripts Least Likely To Get You Noticed

Genre: TV Pilot – Medical Drama
Premise: A brand new young crop of doctors begin their career at a cash-strapped county hospital.
About: Jason Katims is best known for producing the beloved TV show, Friday Night Lights. He also updated the old Ron Howard film, Parenthood, turning it into a TV show, which I’ve heard makes everybody who watches it cry. County was a show he was putting together for NBC with Jason Ritter to star last year. A pilot was shot, but it never aired. Let’s figure out why.
Writer: Jason Katims
Details: 71 pages – Network Draft 1/5/12

What in the world is going on?

Why am I reviewing a TV pilot??

I’ll tell you why. Because Pilot Week is coming up at the end of the month and I gotta get in some TV reviewing practice! I don’t know jack shit about these TV scripts, or telescripts or teletubbies or whatever the hell they’re called. When I wanna watch TV, I pal up with Johnny Depp and watch myself some scratch n sniff Honey Boo Boo!

Okay okay. I do watch SOME scripted TV. I almost watched every season of Breaking Bad (the 4th season was starting to get repetitive so I haven’t returned in awhile). But ever since Lost went bye-bye, I’ve been desperately searching for something to drool over. I actually have one (and only one) idea for a TV show (it’s an hour-long sci-fi drama, of course), but since I’m so unfamiliar with all these strange TV terms (cold open???), I need me some study time before I can even begin to write anything related to TV.

Which brings us to today. Jason Katims is a big deal in the TV world. He wrote this show called Friday Night Lights, which pretty much every single girl I’ve ever run into is in love with. So I figure it must be good. And with medical dramas being the bread and butter of the TV business, who better to give it a shot than the guy writing about football in Texas, right?

29 year old Jack Malloy is on his first day of work as an intern at County Hospital. Jack is a good guy, the kind of guy who wants to make a difference. Given the opportunity to help someone but lose his job or not help someone and keep his job, it’s pretty clear what Jack’s going to do.  This man’s a helper!

Joining Jack is Erica (“too pretty for this place”). She’s a little fragile. A little afraid to speak her mind. But she’s freaking adorable. Which is why Jack falls for her immediately. Uh-oh. Too bad, Jack. Erica’s got a fiancé who lives out of town!

Next we have Talaikha (95 pounds and maddeningly unemotional). Why do I feel like I’ve seen this character before? Travis – African American who worked his way up from nothing (not that he’d ever tell you that). Billy is the oldest intern of the bunch at 40, but he’s plump and ready to share a joke no matter how inappropriate the situation. And finally, Rosa, a Hispanic “ball of fire” (what else!).

Each character experiences their own shocking first day, with some having a tougher time than others. The most interesting storyline, of course, is Jack’s. He’s got a dying Vietnamese mother who’s a Jehova’s Witness and therefore refuses to accept a blood transfusion (she only accepts the blood of Jesus Christ and they’ve run out of that at the moment). Making matters worse is that the mother has a teenage daughter without a father. In other words, this is the only person she has in the world. Therefore, Jack must come up with a solution to save a woman who refuses to be saved.

Across the hallways, Rosa must tell someone her age that she has inoperable cancer. Erica gets beat up by a family for possibly swaying a patient to sign a “do not interrupt” dying request. Travis spots his sister in the E.R. after, once again, O.D.’ing, an issue exacerbated by the fact that she’s got a daughter. Oh, and of course that goofy Billy’s stuck with a leg amputation patient who insists on keeping his leg!

The pilot mainly focuses on the unique problems a typical doctor goes through working at a county hospital. For example, when a patient is having major headaches, an intern suggests an MRI. They’re promptly told that they might as well be ordering brain surgery. When people get sick here, the stuff you learned at medical school is useless. This is the real world where neither the patients nor the hospital have any money. This forces doctors like Jack to make awful choices, like sending deathly sick homeless patients back out on the street in order to clear up rooms for all the new bodies arriving. Don’t agree with it? Sorry, that’s County.

But don’t you think that’s going to get Jack down. After abandoning all his other patients and even jetting across town to another hospital to see if they can perform a rare bloodless transfer procedure on his Jehova’s Witness, he finally finds a solution to the problem and saves her life. Looks like that daughter is going to have a mother after all.

Okay, really though? The sassy spitfire Latina doctor? The pudgy funny doctor? The white lead who’s constantly trying to do the right thing, rules be damned? Isn’t this like every other one of these shows ever created?

Here’s the thing, though. Whenever these shows show up (like Gray’s Anatomy), aren’t they ALL just like every other medical drama ever created? What’s different about them? To me, not much, and yet Gray’s Anatomy became this big hit. So on the one hand I’m saying, “I’ve seen this before,” but on the other I’m saying, “As did I with other medical dramas that became hits.”

But to me, the stereotypes were just too big here. I mean come on. The 95 pound Indian girl with zero emotion, who tells her patients they’re going to die without a hint of compassion. Isn’t that THE EXACT SAME CHARACTER as the Korean doctor on Gray’s Anatomy!?? What’s scary is that I know that and I don’t even watch that show! People who love these shows, I’m guessing, would find this even more cliché.

Then again, maybe this is something I don’t understand about television. Maybe television writers consider these characters “archetypes” and you start a pilot with them because their issues are easy to identify with and latch on to. Then, because you have a hundred hours to play with via all those episodes, that’s where you get into the depth, into the origins, into the meat of who these people really are. I ask you, TV writers, is that the case? Because I know in the feature world, I would call these blatant stereotypes and would tell you to avoid them like the plague. Why not make the fat guy the one with no emotions? Why does fat always have to equal “the funny guy?”

Despite HUGE problems with the endless character clichés, I have to give it to Katims. He almost made me tear up a couple of times. A favorite plotline of mine was the Rosa “delivering cancer news” stuff. It’s been done before, but Katims did a good job giving us some backstory on the girl (her boyfriend stuck with her through the first cancer treatments, but he’s pulling away at the thought of a second round) and created this great bond between the girls as they decided to stick it to this asshole when the negative tests came back. But instead they come back positive. And they’re REALLY BAD. As in she’ll die soon. And all of a sudden, Rosa realizes that these two won’t be friends, that there’s nothing she can do for this girl, and that she’s basically leaving too, just like the boyfriend. I silently cursed myself for falling for this but darnit if it didn’t work.

And Katims seems to have a talent for that. You can’t help but eventually hop onto the idealistic Jack’s back and believe in his quest to save every damn person in this hospital. And I loved how he did that with very little dialogue. Jack is almost all action, and yet you feel closer to him than anyone else. To that end, Katims did a really good job. I cared about enough of these people in the end to want to know more about them. But County never quite overcomes the obnoxious feeling of familiarity behind it. Placing things at a cash-strapped hospital made for some fresh challenges, but that doesn’t mean you can just transplant the character sheet over from another show. And for that reason, there’s no way I can give County a clean bill of health.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Ultimately, TV is about the characters, not the idea. It’s your characters who are going to take you through 100 episodes, so they have to be fascinating. In my opinion, that’s harder to do if they’re stereotypical. Give us people we’ve never seen before – especially if it’s a familiar setting like a hosptial – and you’ll rope us in immediately. There wasn’t a single character in County that I haven’t seen in a medical show before, and I believe that was its downfall.