Search Results for: Gideon
Genre: TV Pilot – Drama
Premise: The son of an Arab dictator, Barry has fled his past and built a life in the United States. But when his father calls him back for his nephew’s wedding, he will ask Barry to come back into the family.
About: This upcoming FX show has a complicated backstory. The Hollywood Reporter did a wonderful piece on it recently that gets into a lot of the details. Basically, the guys behind Showtime’s breakout show, Homeland, went to market with their next project, Tyrant, and started a bidding war with FX winning due to an on-air commitment. Since then, the writing team, Howard Gordon and Gideon Raff, have split up, due to disagreements over the show’s direction, that eventually led to Raff (the less experienced of the two) leaving. This seems to go back even further, as Raff is the one who came up with Homeland, but had zero day-to-day involvement with the show itself, which, it’s implied, Gordon resented.
Writer: Gideon Raff (executive produced by Howard Gordon, Craig Wright and Gideon Raff)
Details: 68 pages – November 27, 2012
After reading that Hollywood Reporter piece, I was wondering if I could read this pilot objectively. On the one hand, it sounds like they’d repurposed the show seven times before it finally hit the cameras, then added two more for good measure! So you’re thinking, there must have been a lot wrong with it.
On the other hand, you’re rooting for the underdog tale of the little show that could. Tyrant has so many things working against it – the biggest of which is, will an American audience care about a show centering around a Middle Eastern family? – that you can’t help but hope that it beats the odds and succeeds.
Of course, the terrifying reality of the entertainment business is that the bored consumer who’s just jostled through a 14-hour work day and put the kids to bed, doesn’t give a shit about how your show (or movie) came to be. They could care less that you had Ang Lee and lost him, or that the show had to be moved to five different countries to shoot. All they care about is if it’s a good show or not. Well, if they stay close to the pilot draft I just read, Tyrant isn’t going to be good. It’s going to be great.
40 year-old Barry is a struggling optometrist who works out of a ratty mini-mall in Orlando. Barry has a secret though. His family runs the country of Asima (a fictional stand-in for a Middle Eastern country), and are some of the richest people in the world. You get the feeling that if Barry left that life for this one? There’s gotta be a damn good story there.
Barry’s married to an American woman, Molly, and has two teenagers, the artsy 17 year-old Emma and the excitable 15 year-old Sammy. Unfortunately for Barry, his brother’s son, who lives back in Asima, is getting married, and even Barry, with his myriad of excuses, can’t get out of this one.
So he and the family fly to Asima where they meet the family Barry grew up with. There’s the father and president/dictator of the country, Hassan. Then there’s Barry’s older evil brother, Jamal. The Ferrari-driving philandering Jamal is probably the most evil person you’ll ever see on TV – he rapes underage women with guards in the room to make sure he’s not attacked, he molests his son’s fiancée, and he orders death to anyone who opposes him.
It’s clear Jamal doesn’t want Barry here, which is fine by Barry, ’cause he wants to get out of Asima as soon as possible.
Barry’s son, Sammy, however, can’t get enough of Asima. Instead of living in the strip-mall dominated middle-class suburbs, he’s hanging out in a palace! Not only that, but the brash, confident Jamal is everything Sammy wished his own father could be, and he immediately sees him as a role model. Oh, but Sammy has a secret. He’s gay. And in a world where homosexuality is punishable by death, maybe staying in Asima isn’t the best idea.
I think we all see where this is going. Barry’s father unexpectedly falls ill, and the family has no choice but to discuss who gets the throne once he dies. Everyone assumes it’ll be Jamal, of course, but Hassan shocks everyone when he says he wants Barry to succeed him. Barry wants nothing to do with leading this corrupt country, though. He wanted to get out of here yesterday. The problem is, it may not be up to him anymore.
Okay, let’s just get something out of the way first. This IS The Godfather, the Arab version. We have a wedding, we have a dying leader. A reluctant heir is chosen. I mean, it’s not a beat for beat remake or anything. But it’s the same auditorium with the seats rearranged. The thing is, it didn’t matter. Because it was awesome.
When you’re talking about TV shows, you’re talking about interpersonal conflict – conflict between characters. Since you don’t have the advantage feature films have (huge exterior conflicts to drive the drama like reptilian giants, robots, Loki, Apes), the best way to keep the drama flowing is via conflict between characters.
For that reason, you want one main heavy conflict duo you can keep coming back to. In Breaking Bad, it’s Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. Here, it’s Barry and his brother, Jamal. Not only is Jamal the most evil person in existence, but he has a completely different idea of how to rule the country from Barry. Barry wants to rule through diplomacy. Jamal wants to rule through terror. On top of that, you have a deep history between the two and you have their basic sibling rivalry. As a result, every scene they’re in together is potent.
Speaking of Barry, I loved the complication behind his character. See, when you write a character, you don’t want to craft him too heavily in one direction. Well-constructed characters are complicated. They have other sides to them than the side they generally show the world.
(spoiler) In Tyrant, there’s a series of flashbacks of Barry and Jamal as children. Jamal is athletic and tough. Barry is nerdy and withdrawn. In the pilot’s final scene, their father wants a seemingly innocent man killed, and he asks Young Jamal to do it. Young Jamal points the gun, but he’s too scared to pull the trigger and runs away. As the father goes to deal with this, Young Barry picks up the gun and shoots the man five times. Barry may be against the way his father rules the country, but when he’s called upon to make complicated decisions, he delivers.
Now, since we know that Barry has the capacity to be bad, there’s an unpredictability to him that’s exciting. I think it’s always more interesting if we’re not sure what a character is going to do from situation to situation. Think about it. How boring is it if a character always does the right thing? Or always does the wrong thing? It’s when you’re unsure that the scene is truly charged. Pay attention to “The Governor” in Seasons 3 and 4 of The Walking Dead to see how effective this approach can be.
I’m not sure what this says about Jamal though. This guy is so over-the-top bad and if there’s one criticism I had with the screenplay, it’s that Jamal is so two-dimensional. I’m betting that this is one of the first things they addressed moving forward though.
Another thing Tyrant did well was it made sure there were a lot of memorable moments in the pilot. It’s rare that I see one inventive or original scene in a pilot these days – something you truly haven’t seen before, but Tyrant had 5-6 of them. (spoilers) There was the bite-off-dick scene, the molestation of the daughter-in-law scene, the Young Barry shoots a man dead scene. Raff was not afraid to push the boundaries and write some pretty boundary-pushing stuff.
In another great scene, Barry’s family gets on the their plane to go to Asima, only to find out it’s completely deserted. Barry learns that his brother has bought up every seat on the plane for them. Sammy is thrilled. He flops down in first class, thinking this is the greatest thing ever. What does Barry do? He heads right back to seat 18c in Coach, the seat he was assigned to.
That’s what really sets Tyrant apart. Not only was this a memorable scene, but it used the scene to TELL YOU ABOUT THE CHARACTERS. By staying in his assigned Coach seat, Barry shows us how much disdain he has for his family and the way they go about things. Whereas by showing Sammy take a first class seat, we know he will be susceptible to the excesses of his grandfather’s family.
Will all this mean a big hit? I don’t know. I don’t know how much Gordon has changed the script. And we still don’t know if an American audience will care to watch a show about an Arab family. But I sure hope they do. This series has the potential to be a classic. Without a doubt, I’ll be checking it out when it airs. This is the most excited I’ve been for a TV series in forever.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: When you write a TV pilot, you’re trying to set up as many little threads of conflict as you possibly can, so that the people watching the show will want to tune in week after week to see how those conflicts play out. If you don’t set up any threads of conflict, nobody will care about your show. Nobody will want to see the next episode. I guarantee it. So here, we have the base conflict between Barry and Jamal. We have conflict between Barry and his son (who doesn’t like his father’s style of ruling). We have conflict between Barry and the country he’s ruling. We have conflict with Sammy being gay, and how dangerous being gay is in this country. Barry’s daughter hates the country and doesn’t want to be here. Barry has a former girlfriend he still holds a candle for who’s now married to Jamal. Barry’s wife finds out about this, setting up a conflict between these two women. Probably the biggest conflict of all will be between Barry and himself. Much like how Walter White struggled with his moral compass as a drug dealer/family man, Barry will struggle with all the morally questionable decisions he’ll have to make as a dictator. You look at the future of this show and it’s just drowning in unresolved conflict, which is exactly the way you want it to be.
Welcome to Amateur Offerings Weekend!
This is your chance to discuss the week’s amateur scripts, offered originally in the Scriptshadow newsletter. The goal for this discussion is to find out which script(s) is the best candidate for a future Amateur Friday review.
Below are the script loglines and links so you can read them for yourself in order to join in on the festivities! Want to receive the scripts early? Head over to the Contact page, e-mail us, and “Opt In” to the newsletter.
Happy reading!
TITLE: GIDEON
LOGLINE: In the Mid-Twentieth Century a mysterious boy with Christ-like healing powers must bring together a racially charged town before the vindictive Mayor’s son murders him.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ (from writer): It just won the $25,000.00 GRAND PRIZE at KairosPrize Screenplay Competition sponsored by www.movieguide.org.
TITLE: Fool
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: Showbusiness today might be a snake-pit of jealousy and backstabbing, but once upon a time, it wasn’t even that nice.
WHY YOU SHOULD READ (from writer): “I’m an WGA Award-winning comedy writer. You should read my script because you recently said: ‘Ahhhhh! Why aren’t there any good comedy specs anymore!’ Obviously I’m not the most reliable source to decide if my own script is funny or not, but it won ‘Screenplay Of The Month’ at Talentville.com, so it must have something going for it.”
TITLE: 0/1 (”Hyper Zero, Super One”)
GENRE: science-fiction
LOGLINE: While refining his relationship with a groundbreaking home-made A.I. prototype, a reclusive young hacker falls in love with an inquisitive girl next door.
TITLE: FRAGMENT
GENRE: Psychological Thriller
LOGLINE: A high-school senior tries to solve his sister’s murder aided by the apparition of a ten-year-old boy.
TITLE : Super Robbers
GENRE: Action Adventure, Family Drama
LOGLINE: A returning war veteran struggles to make peace with
his family—who happen to be a group of super-powered thieves.
Today’s post is going back to that age old nightmare – loglines. When I look through the amateur submissions to see what I’m going to review every Friday, I often find myself saying, “How in the world did this writer think this was a good idea??” I know that’s harsh but spending months (or even years) on a bad idea is one of the worst mistakes you can make as a screenwriter. So I try to be harsh. Because I don’t want you, the aspiring screenwriter, wasting hours your life on something that nobody’s going to read.
On top of this, I continue to get loglines that don’t make sense, that are grammatically incorrect, or that are loaded with spelling mistakes. It’s one thing to mistake a bad idea for a good one, but it’s another to screw up the one sentence you’re using to sell your screenplay. I mean it’s only one sentence!!! And you spelled a word wrong? Or worded it in a funny way? Why haven’t you gone over this line hundreds of times? Why haven’t you sent it out to all your friends and have them proofread it for you?? This is your shot to get read. Don’t give anyone a reason to say no.
Having said that, there are logline-unfriendly scripts. American Beauty is a logline unfriendly script. The Help is a logline-unfriendly script. The Kids Are All Right is a logline-unfriendly script. As are Milk, Babel, There Will Be Blood, and Atonement. Not every script is going to have that “I have to read it now” logline. But what I will say is that unless you’re a known entity who has worked in this business for awhile, rarely will anyone read your logline-unfriendly script. They just won’t. They can see from the logline that it’s going to be a hard sell. History’s also taught them that scripts from unknowns usually suck. So why would they waste their time on a script that’s probably going to suck and even if it turns out good is going to be impossible to sell?
But Scriptshadow to the rescue! I’m going to offer up the loglines that you, the readers, have submitted, and let you, the readers, decide whether they’re review worthy or not – irregardless of any of those funky industry standards. I’m going to post the first 10 pages for you as well so that even logline-unfriendly scripts get a shot to pull you in. Whichever scripts are getting the most heat in the comments section, those are the ones I’ll review for next week. And hey, hopefully we’ll find something great!
Now while you’re looking through these, I want you to be aware of the “But I’m different” bias. This is a common problem us writers have where we believe that even though our logline isn’t very good, we’re different because we’ve been writing longer or we’re a better writer or we have a cool third act twist. As you look through these, imagine your own logline in there. Does it sound as uninteresting as the majority of these? Try to be totally objective. Would you pick up your script off your logline if it was sent to you amongst a sea of other submissions?
As a reminder, most managers, agents, and producers gravitate towards three types of loglines. Loglines with some sort of conflict – note, these are not full loglines, just synopses – (A small beach town must battle with an influx of shark attacks), some sort of high concept (A cyborg is sent back in time to prevent the birth of the man who will one day lead the resistance against his kind), or some sort of irony (A genius MIT janitor is recruited by the university’s top mathematician). The only exception to this is personal preference. If you’re covering subject matter that the receiving party is partial to, they might take a chance on your script even if the logline stinks. So if you send your otherwise unexciting tennis concept to a tennis nut, they might still read it. But, as you can guess, that avenue is completely dependent on luck.
So, now that you’ve ingested all that, here are 30 loglines to choose from, including the first 10 pages of each. If any of these loglines or First Tens excite you, make sure to talk about them in the comments section, which I’ll be watching closely. Whatever gets the most reaction/interest is what I’ll review. And don’t bring in your friends to tip the scales in your favor. I always get suspicious when a bunch of random new commenters love an idea, that something fishy’s going on. Otherwise, just give us your opinion on these loglines (or pages). Oh, and I DID NOT filter these ideas. They’re all randomly submitted loglines for my Amateur Friday slot.
The Steps
Suspense/Thriller/Paranormal
After moving to a quiet town, a young family’s new neighbor; with a disturbing past, becomes instantly infatuated with the wife and young daughter. When his sexual advances are rebuffed, his warped psyche spins frighteningly out of control.
Would I read? – This has some nice conflict built into the logline. A contained and easy to imagine scenario. Can see the poster. Could be good if the writing’s good. I might check this one out.
Against Time
Action/Sci-Fi
To stop terrorists from destroying New York City, a rookie bodyguard must take an experimental drug that reverses time.
Would I read? – Very high concept. A little confused why they’d send a bodyguard back in time, but this is another idea I can see the poster for. I’d give it a shot.
The Legend Of Spring Heeled Jack
Horror
An aristocratic woman born for marriage disguises herself as a man in order to join the London metropolitan police force and catch the infamous serial killer known as Spring Heeled Jack.
Would I read? – Hmm, not sure why we’re including that this woman is born for marriage. What does that have to do with the concept? Also, “metropolitan” seems extraneous. Makes me think the writing is going to be extraneous. With that said, serial killer movies sell, so if this were good, you never know what might come of it. I MIGHT give this a shot.
Zombie Resurrection
Horror/Comedy
When an experimental male-enhancement drug turns all the men in town into sex-crazed zombies, it’s up to a rag-tag band of women to survive the assault and stop the epidemic from spreading.
Would I read? – I don’t know. This sounds a little too goofy to me. It is a zombie take I haven’t seen before, so I’ll give it that. But otherwise, it’s just too broad for my taste.
Time and Time Again
Sci-fi
Only one man can help fiery-tempered Louis save multiple universes from destruction and rescue his kidnapped wife… her lover.
Would I read? – We do have a high-ish sounding concept here, but some things worry me. What does being “fiery-tempered” have to do with this story that it’s so important it be included in the logline? It just feels random. Plus, the ending confuses me. Who’s “her lover?” Is that Louis’ lover? Isn’t Louis a man?? I never want to read the script for any logline that confuses me.
Snallygaster
Horror
While investigating the disappearance of her best friend, a college coed and group of Amish teens on ‘rumspringa’ encounter a monster out of Penn Dutch folklore that preys on wayward kids.
Would I read? – There’s nothing exactly wrong with this logline, so maybe it’s just not a genre I’m interested in? A monster that preys on wayward kids seems kinda random so I probably wouldn’t open it up.
Gideon
Drama
A mysterious boy brings together a racially charged small town before the Mayor’s son kills him.
Would I read? – I’m not sure this logline was very well thought-through. It’s almost as if it was thrown together right before it was sent. A logline should tell a story. But this one just tells us a boy does something good and then he dies. There is some conflict implied (racially charged town and a clearly unhappy Mayor’s son) but it’s thrown together so haphazardly that it makes me question if the script itself will follow the same sloppy formula. Wouldn’t pick it up.
Collosal
Horror
An alcoholic mother living in a desolate town must protect her teenage daughter when a man she tormented as a child shows up looking for blood.
Would I read? – The logline implies a sort of “History of Violence” vibe, which could be cool. There’s a clear line of conflict here. But there’s something a bit plain about it. I might pick this up if I’d just read 15 bad loglines in a row and was tired of looking for something to read, but it doesn’t have that ‘wow’ factor that makes me want to read it RIGHT NOW.
Dark Side Of The Moon
Dark Fantasy
A depressed young writer, spiraling down to a suicide attempt, discovers he may only be a character in a movie – the worst reviewed movie of the year.
Would I read? – First think I notice is how depressing this sounds. The “may be a character in a movie” thing is kind of interesting, even if it’s been done many times before. What concerns me is the end, which states, “the worst reviewed movie of the year,” which places us in comedy territory, something that’s not included in the genre. That worries me. Probably wouldn’t pick this up.
Judgement Date
Contained Thriller/Suspense
A poker pro on death row gets a chance at freedom on the live comeback TV show of a cruel, disgraced Idol judge
Would I read? – This is what I call a “too many disjointed elements” logline. A poker pro. Death row. Chance at freedom via a reality show. By a disgraced Idol judge (American Idol?). What does an American Idol judge have to do with poker reality shows? Why would a poker pro be on death row? This logline is all over the place – too unfocused – which tells me the script will be the same. Wouldn’t pick this up.
Facade
Drama/Noir
A detective delves into an investigation following the murder of a teenage boy in the quintessential 1950’s American suburbs, unaware of the secrets buried behind the veneer of this picture perfect society. (*Note: intended to imitate the style of classic ’40s-’50s film noir)
Would I read? – Put simply, this isn’t my thing. So I wouldn’t pick it up for that reason alone. The investigation of a murdered boy gives the story some structure, but I’m not sure the murder of a boy in the 50s is unique enough to warrant a read, even if I was a big noir fan. This idea needs something extra.
The Lasso Man
Genre not given
The protag: Andy, a London kid. Whose passion with the lariat accompanies him through many escapades: Some hilarious,some compassionate and moving, life affirming, life changing and life saving. As the war clouds gather in the late 1930’s. his sister forges his birth certificate at age 17 so he can join the R.A.F and become a fighter pilot.
Would I read? – Whoa, lots wrong here. Starting your logline with “The Protag:” already screams amateur. Then you have a period after “kid” when there should be a comma. That’s two punctuation mistakes and an odd sentence beginning all within the first seven words. Writer needs to go back to basics – study punctuation, grammar and sentence structure before submitting anything.
Recovery
Drama
When a man involved in a fatal hit-and-run accident learns the victim is his brother’s wife, he must decide whether coming clean and appeasing his conscience is worth the risk of shattering his family.
Would I read? – An intriguing situation. Some implied dramatic irony. There’s definitely a story here. Is it big enough? Can the writer create a compelling enough second act to keep us interested long enough to get to the end? That’s to be determined but I might give this one a shot.
The Gentleman’s Prestige
Comedy
An insecure homeless man puts everything on the line when he enters a male beauty pageant in hopes of proving to his talented family that he’s not a loser.
Would I read? – I’m confused by writers who keep placing these trivial adjectives in their loglines to describe their protagonists. What does being “insecure” have to do with this idea? Had the writer said, “unbearably ugly,” that would’ve had more relevance, since he’s entering a beauty pageant. Regardless, there’s something about this idea that feels off. Homeless man in a beauty pageant. I can imagine a couple of funny scenes that might come out of that, but not an entire movie. Probably wouldn’t read this.
I, Henchman
Action/Comedy
A henchman for a terrorist group sees a chance at redemption when he’s inspired to write a story. But before he can develop his newfound talent, he not only has to flee the group, but also confront his worst fear: the hero hell-bent on eliminating the terrorists, including him.
Would I read? – Hmm, this logline feels unbalanced and confused. A henchman who decides to write a story doesn’t sound very cinematic or interesting. Main characters who are writers are rarely interesting since writing is (as I’m sure you guys know) pretty boring to watch! Also, why do terrorist groups need henchmen? Aren’t they, almost by definition, henchmen? When I have too many confused questions, I’m not picking up the script.
Deux
Action/Thriller
A twenty something signs up as a weapons tester in a high-tech duel to wipe his debt, but to get his pay he must defeat his next opponent–an adversary he can’t seem to kill.
Would I read? – This logline suffers from being too vague. A “twenty something?” Can we come up with a protagonist we can actually visualize? How about “A genius computer hacker?” Also, the ending kills this logline: “An adversary he can’t seem to kill.” Way way waaaay too general. You need to be more specific.
Geek and Destroy
Comedy
Two sexy female spies turn the world’s largest video game convention upside down when they are hired to steal a hard-drive containing millions of dollars worth of online weapons.
Would I read? – Clever title. Very important since if a writer can make me laugh at the title of his script, there’s a good chance he’ll be able to make me laugh in the script. I’ve read these comic-con-type heist scripts before, so that’s a strike against the writer, but this is the comedy with the most promise so far. I might read the first ten pages.
Manic Pixie Dream Girl
“High School” Horror
When indecisive high school student, Charlie, falls for a beautiful, enigmatic older woman she turns out to be a homicidal maniac.
Would I read? – Hmmm, something’s not adding up here. What does a pixie dream girl have to do with an older woman? Is she the pixie dream girl? How does that work? Are we dealing with a “woman” or a “girl?” Also, there’s a comma missing after “woman,” which may only be a comma, but there are only 21 words in this logline. It shouldn’t be hard to get all the commas where they need to be. Finally, the “homicidal maniac” portion of the logline seems to come out of nowhere and therefore feels random.
Bond Of Blood
Drama/Faith
Contemporary telling of the parable of the Prodigal Son, set in modern day South Africa.
Would I read? – This is a very general synopsis of the story, not a logline. There’s no conflict or irony implied anywhere. There’s not even a main character. On top of that, it feels really heavy, and therefore boring. I would rewrite this sucker with a focus on trying to make the story sound as exciting as possible, because it very well might be. I’d just never know after reading this logline.
Forbidden Fruit
Creature Feature
After a horrifying vision, the town drunk finds a purpose in protecting the locals of a sleepy southern community from a mysterious tree and its fruit that addicts all who taste of it. His resolve is challenged when it appears something more insidious may be using the fruit as a vessel from their world into ours, and the people as the final gateway.
Would I read? – I don’t know. There’s something here. But the ending of this logline really kills it. It just dissolves into general muckery. “…the fruit as a vessel from their world into ours, and the people as the final gateway.” Plus, this is pitched as a creature feature and yet I don’t see the creature in the logline! Wouldn’t pick it up.
Pocket Dial
Romantic Comedy
With temperamental technology thwarting them at every turn, three brothers get tangled up in love, lust and infidelity.
Would I read? – This is one of the most confusing loglines of the 30. I’m not sure I have any idea what this script is about. What’s “temperamental technology?” That seems to be the hook of the concept yet I don’t know what it means. And what does “Pocket Dialing” have to do with what’s stated in the logline? Then the three brothers getting tangled up in problems is way too general. Wouldn’t pick this one up.
Seventy-Three
Sports/Heist
A washed up major league pitcher is blackmailed into a scheme to steal one of baseball’s most coveted pieces of memorabilia, Barry Bond’s 73rd home run ball, the very same ball he threw to Bond’s that fateful night.
Would I read? – There appears to be some irony in that the pitcher who pitched to Bonds must now steal the home run ball he hit off him, but there’s something very low-stakes about it. I start thinking about things like, “Is this ball really that important anymore?” Hasn’t the whole steroids thing destroyed the value of memorabilia like this? Feels like we need to go deeper into history here – a home run ball hit by Maris or Gherig. In the writer’s defense, my reaction to this feels personal, not so much a judgement of the logline itself.
The Power Of Max
Sci Fi/Rom-Com
Max wants to be with Emma, but first he has to get past Ricardo…and survive an alien invasion.
Would I read? – This is one of those loglines that really doesn’t tell us much, but then hits us with the shocking wild ending. Whether that ending inspires you to pick up the script is up to the individual. Unfortunately, this sounds a little too random to me. Why does he have to get past “Ricardo?” Who’s Ricardo? That information seems important. And I’d personally like a little more set-up as to why there’s an alien invasion. Wouldn’t pick this one up.
The Suicide Theory
Crime/Thriller
A disgraced former New York cop must track down the man who shot the Mayor in order to uncover the truth about an identical case that led to his own downfall three years earlier.
Would I read? – This is not my thing but I do like the idea of a man hunting down a criminal who ruined his life to clear his name. That personal journey tells me the main character would probably be pretty interesting. This would have to be written well, but I’d read the first 10 pages.
Like Father, Like Daughter
Sci-Fi
The hunter for extraterrestrial animals has to take his teenage daughter with him in search for traces of an alien civilization. The adventures they experience together give them an opportunity to fix their family relationships.
Would I read? – Some grammar mistakes in this one. Not “The hunter” but “A hunter.” Not “relationships” but “relationship.” Some of these elements have potential, like extraterrestrial animals and alien civilizations, but they don’t really come together in a cohesive natural way in this logline, so I probably wouldn’t open it.
Chase The Night
Crime/Thriller
On his 25th birthday, a troubled orphan receives information about his estranged mother, sending him into a world of corruption as he investigates the circumstances behind her life and death.
Would I read? – It’s not “must read now” material, but I like the idea of orphans having to come face to face with the lives of their real parents, and this story seems to take that to the extreme. This is something I’d probably read the first ten pages for mainly because the last 15 options have been so lackluster.
Breakup Rehab
Dramedy
A broken-hearted young woman is told by a psychic that she’ll never find true love if she doesn’t get over her ex-boyfriend by her 25th birthday…which is one month away.
Would I read? – The premise feels a little forced, but then these romantic comedy ideas usually do. I like the ticking time bomb here, which creates a lot of urgency. If we love the main character and really want her to find true love, this might work. But if she’s just an amalgam of all the other romantic comedy protagonists we’ve come to know throughout the years, Breakup Rehab could find itself dumped. I might open this.
Fascination 127
Thriller
A group of men are hired by a mysterious client to remove Jim Morrison’s casket, give it to him for 24 hours and then return the casket into the ground before it is publicly exhumed to be moved to the United States.
Would I read? – Personally, I’m not a Jim Morrison fan, which pretty much takes me out of the running for reading this. Also, I’m not sure the general mystery of someone wanting to exhume his casket for 24 hours gets me very excited. Maybe if something was added like, “…to see if his body was really inside,” that would at least provide a more specific storyline. Will be curious to see if Jim Morrison fans think this sounds interesting but it’s not my thing.
U.S.S. NIKOLA TESLA
Sci-Fi/Thriller
The American Navy’s latest destroyer, the USS Nikola Tesla, disappears without trace. Two years later she reappears with no sign of her crew. But no one realises this ship holds a dark secret that dates back to World War Two and a horrifying experiment.
Would I read? – Hmmm. I’ve seen the whole “ship disappears and then reappears years later” idea before. I mean, we’ve seen it as early Close Encounters Of The Third Kind. So I’m wondering if there’s anything new here to mine. I might thumb through the first few pages to see if the writing was strong, but despite this being high concept, the familiar-factor would probably keep me from picking it up.
Maneater
Horror/Comedy
A bottomed-out actor takes a Vision Quest to reasses his life – one week in the wild without women or booze – and is targeted by a sexy forest ranger with exotic, uh, tastes.
Would I read? – Why does the main character need to be an actor? Wouldn’t it be more ironic if he was a businessman who’s never left the city? That would make him more of a fish out of water. I’m also not sure what a “Vision Quest” is. Isn’t that a video game? Is the “one week in the wild without women or booze” the definition of a “Vision Quest?” If so, why is it not placed right after “Vision Quest?” The elements don’t quite come together naturally here so I probably wouldn’t open this.
And that’s it folks. Read what you can and discuss your thoughts in the comments section!
Genre: Drama with a touch of sci-fiPremise: In an undisclosed future, one man will try anything to “cross” a border that cannot be crossed.
About: To star Orlando Bloom, John Goodman, and Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace
Writer: Andrew Niccol
Details: 117 pages – 2007 draft.
What?? An original review?? No guest review today? I guess I’m losing my touch.
Andrew Niccol (Gattaca) and Orlando Bloom (Pirates Of The Carribean
For a little background, I thought Gattaca was pretty badass. It was a teensy-bit too dark in places, but it was a unique voice in a sea of foghorns that blasted the same throbbing whine. The Truman Show was probably overrated as it came out at the peak of Jim Carrey’s box office domination. The movie was okay, but I don’t remember much about it other than Carrey overacting. Then came Niccol’s directing efforts. Even in the most generous light, Simone and Lord Of War were dry and flaky with deep shadows under their eyes. To Niccol’s credit, I don’t know many productions that can survive a modern-day Al Pacino performance.
As for Orlando, the jury may still be out, but we can hear them finishing up in the other room. True Bloom is coming off one of the most successful franchises of all time, but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who thinks he’s anything more than the fourth most memorable character in the films. Crossing into lead territory yielded dreary efforts like Elizabethtown and Kingdom Of Heaven. Bloom was tagged with the “boring” label and it’s hard for me to disagree. Every time he came onscreen I wanted to pull up the covers and take a cat nap. He’s definitely got face. And Peter Jackson found some sparkle in those eyes as Legolas, but if The Cross doesn’t work, Bloom just might turn into Gloom.
Mylar is a former engineer in a future racked by war and disease. The particulars of how this came about are not disclosed. All we know is shit is bad and it’s supposedly better in the country to the north. So it’s fitting the story takes place in a border town where the patrolling guards make those Shawshank pussies look like bus boys at a four star hotel. Heading up the border’s toughest patrol unit is August Gideon, a man who lives for only one thing: to patrol the border. Gideon is so naughty that if he catches you trying to cross, he doesn’t kill you. He makes you eat an entire bucket of dirt. If you try a second time? He makes you eat two. Third time? He’ll make you eat three buckets. Thing is, nobody’s ever made it past two. Well, not yet anyway.
There seems to be a clear understanding in this town. People *will* try to cross the border. The crossers know that. The guards know that. The spoils of freedom in the neighboring country are too great not to give it a shot. Except that outside of a few rumors, it doesn’t appear that anyone’s successfully been able to cross the border. It’s too damn difficult.
Enter Mylar.
There’s no question that Niccol’s spent a few dozen nights watching Cool Hand Luke. This is no doubt a dark futuristic version of the 1967 classic. There is a secret group of men who meet weekly, discussing plots and plans to get across the border. But they never actually do anything about it. Mylar is less a talker and more a doer. The fearless daredevil keeps trying to cross, despite the ridiculous odds, and just like Paul Newman, he keeps getting caught. Each attempt is more dangerous than the last because, as Niccol explains to us, eating buckets of dirt mutilates your insides.
While there are many characters in the script, this is really a mano-a-mano battle between Mylar and Gideon. There’s an enjoyment in the chess match the two play against each other and their scenes are definitely where the script shines.
There are other things that work as well. The story directive is clear as day: Cross the border. We’re talking about a prison break movie here. He’s going to try to “get out,” and we’re wondering if he’ll be able to do it. The dark tone adds a needed element of uncertainty. This is the kind of film where there’s just as much of a chance that he *won’t* as he will. So we’re definitely on edge.
In addition, we’re also wondering what’s on the other side. What is it that’s so great about this neighboring country? Would it be everything they thought it would be? And will this shed some light on the country they’re in, how they got here? What year it is? It’s fun trying to piece together these answers from the crumbs Niccol leaves us.
On the downside, the story is almost too simple. It’s a man trying to get across a border. And while there are some unexpected developments along the way, there’s definitely a monotony to the script. I guess you could make the same argument about Shawshank, but that movie had two of the most memorable characters in cinema history to fall back on. Mylar is interesting, but he’s not *that* interesting.
Also, it doesn’t seem like Niccol’s nearly as interested in giving answers as I am in asking for them. I guess I can respect him focusing more on the micro than the macro here, but it would’ve been fun to have some little twist at the end, some shocking revelation of where we are (the United States maybe?) and how we ended up here. For these reasons, I finished this script a little disappointed.
I think the key to this film is going to be Mylar and Gideon. If we keep the focus on them, on their chess match, the movie will be fun. I’m not saying the secondary characters aren’t interesting, they just didn’t measure up to the duel between the leads. The Cross is a solid script, but I wanted more.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[xx] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Niccol shows how to secure a star. There’s no doubt that this is the kind of character actors love to play. The setting is dark, which implies their efforts will be taken seriously. The character is both charming and fearless. His conviction to get across the border is unequaled. Being charming and brave, yet with an added layer of complexity? Is that not the guy all of us wish we could be? Remember, the number one way to get your script into the production pipeline is to secure a star. So you need to be thinking about creating a protagonist or antagonist (preferably both) that A-List actors want to play. Had Niccol’s last film not done so poorly, he easily would’ve secured an A-lister here. Bloom may have been Plan-B-List, but it was enough to secure funding and make the film.