Genre: Thriller
Premise: The Megalodon is a giant prehistoric shark thought to be extinct for millions of years. It isn’t. It’s still around. And it’s hungry.
About: “Meg” is coming. It’s coming with Jason Statham. Normally, that’s all you would need to know. But this particular project has been in the works for over a decade, and today’s script is not only a previous take on the concept, but a first draft. Tom Wheeler, the writer here, wrote Puss in Boots for Dreamworks. He also created the 2011 TV series, The Cape. The movie you’ll be seeing in theaters, however, was written (adapted) by Dean Georgaris (Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life) with a rewrite by mega-writer James Vanderbilt (White House Down). Jon Turtletaub will direct.
Writer: Tom Wheeler (adapted from the novel by Steve Alten).
Details: 117 pages – first draft – undated
“No Commander, she isn’t a shark, she’s a Goddamn war machine.”
“Sounds like Godzilla’s coming.”
“Godzilla was on our side. The Meg isn’t.”
Jesus, this script was designed for trailer lines. Why it’s taken Meg so long to become a movie, I have no idea. I mean, it’s a fucking dinosaur shark in modern day. Does a movie sell itself any better than that?
“We have five sensory organs. She has eight. She can feel the electric charge of her prey’s beating heart from hundreds of miles away.”
Come on. Seriously? Can we start counting the money already?
It’s even got humor!
“One more thing. It’s pregnant.”
“How in God’s name do you know that? Are you the father?”
So why hasn’t Meg been made yet despite the movie-friendly premise? One thing I’m realizing is that, with a producer’s desire to make a movie, there is the A-project, the B-project, and the C-project version of said movie. When producers have a script, they want the A-project. They want David Fincher or Ridley Scott, and they want Leonardo DiCaprio or Ryan Gosling. Unfortunately, everybody wants those people.
So after trying to lure those stars in unsuccessfully, you go to the B-project, which is much easier to set up. A recent example is Steve Jobs. Originally, that movie was David Fincher and Christian Bale. A-project. But those guys bailed, and they decided to go with the B-project – Danny Boyle and Michael Fassbender. Granted, that’s as good as a B-project as you’re going to get, but it’s still a B-project.
When both the As and the Bs ignore you, you eventually have to settle for the C-project. As much as I love myself some Jason Statham, he’s C-project all the way.
The thing that takes so long is you always seem to be teased into thinking you’re going to get the A or the B project going. This A-level director is reading the script. That could be a yes! This B-level actor is reading the script. That could be a yes! But then 4 months down the line, they get back to you and tell you they’re not interested, and there goes 4 months.
Some producers will finally say, “Fuck it,” and go to the C-project in order to get the movie made. Others may want that A-project, however. So they go back and and get a rewrite done by an A-list screenwriter or two, which will take another year. And now they go back into the cycle of people trying to secure the A-project elements. Once again they’re waiting months for this director or that actor to read it. And you can now see why movies take so long to get made.
Whether this has anything to do with what took so long with Meg, I don’t know. But Meg is rare in that it’s the kind of movie that could do well in a C-project package. It’s goofy, it’s fun, it’s 80s disaster-movie-esque. It doesn’t need A-list talent.
Meg follows 40-something Jonas Taylor. Jonas was once a hotshot navy sub pilot, until he saw something underneath the water that scared him to shit – a giant shark that ended up eating his co-pilots. Unfortunately, no one believed him, and Jonas ended up at the nut house for six months.
Jonas swore he’d never get near an ocean again, until some old buddies inform him that their son is at the bottom of the ocean after a sub-accident. Jonas reluctantly pilots his way down there to save the man, but encounters, you guessed it, THE SAME GIANT SHARK THAT KILLED HIS BUDDIES YEARS AGO!
Somehow, Jonas survives, gets to the surface, and this time, people believe him. This shark, which Jonas believes is a Megalodon, an enormous shark that died out during the dinosaur age, has discovered that there are lot more things to eat near the surface of the water than in the ocean deep. So he’s going to hang out up here for awhile.
When Meg starts chomping down on surfers and boaters, Jonas and his crew realize that if they don’t kill this motherfucker fast, some really bad shit is going to happen. But can Jonas overcome his Meg PTSD long enough to take this thing down? Only time, and a lot of dead surfers, will tell.
Let’s start off with the annoying stuff. Writers, PLEASE STOP USING COINCIDENCES IN YOUR WRITING!!!
Coincidences in screenwriting are the embodiment of laziness and amateurism. I’ve been seeing so many of these in consult scripts recently. And now I’m seeing them in professional scripts!
This script starts with a sub being attacked by a Meg. That sub crashes to the ocean floor. There’s only one pilot who can get to that floor and save the person in that sub. Jonas. So they go to Jonas, bring him to the site, and we find out that the whole reason Jonas gave this up 10 years ago is because he saw a Meg!!!
What are the chances of this happening? I mean how many times do people see prehistoric never-before-seen dinosaur sharks in their life? And it just so happens that the guy you randomly get to save your friend who got attacked by a Meg also has a history with Megs??
The reason this annoys me is because those types of things have nothing to do with talent. You don’t have to be a talented writer to keep coincidences out of your script. And when you’re going up against the top screenwriters in the world? Guys who DO have a ton of talent? Every little bit helps. So put in that extra effort and avoid coincidences.
Moving to the good stuff, what I always say with these flashy concepts is you need to come up with scenes and moments that are specific to your concept – that can only work with your particular idea. So what I loved here was the scene where Meg attacked a cruise ship. There’s no other movie out there that could’ve done this. Only this one. That’s good writing. Mine the specific scenes that can only work for your script.
Also, with shark movies, it’s really hard to come up with fresh scenes. There are only so many ways to put a boat on the water or surfers in the water and have a shark attack them. So you have to push yourself to come up with something fresh.
I loved the scene where they needed to tag the Meg (with a rifle) so they could track it. The scene takes place on a helicopter, and they move down to the Meg, which is attacking some whales, and Jonas is trying to get a good shot. But the helicopter is shaking and Meg is moving around a lot. So he keeps telling his pilot to get closer. And closer. And closer. All of this knowing that the Meg is capable of leaping 30 feet out of the water. I’ll let your imaginations take it from there.
The point is, when you have common subject matter, take that extra time and find scenes that haven’t been in that type of movie before. These guys were smart. They realized that everything in these movies takes place on the water, so why not move a scene to the air?
And there were other clever writing tricks here. For example, whoever your villain is, you want at least one scene to show how dangerous they are. That shows the audience how much they need to fear that villain. So what’s the opening scene of Meg? A T-Rex goes after a dinosaur, taking it into the water, where a Meg EASILY grabs the T-Rex, thrashes it down, and devours it. What better way to show how dangerous this thing is than showing it take down the most feared predator in the history of our planet?
So what about the plot? Eh, do we really watch these movies for the plot? I mean, look, the plot could’ve been better, lol. It’s pretty standard stuff. Recruit the retired pilot to take down the evil bad thing. You were pretty much 30 pages ahead of the writer all the way through this. But Meg made up for that in pure funosity. This is a fun movie. It’s a turn your brain off blast. If Turtletaub captures that fun, this could do well.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: I think there’s something to say for taking classic novels and updating them into something modern audiences would like. Meg is obviously inspired by Moby Dick. So I’ll throw the challenge over to you guys. Give me your modern takes on classic novels that could be turned into cool 2016-appropriate movies.
Genre: Thriller
Premise: A hitman wakes up to find out he’s been transformed into a woman and vows revenge on the doctor who did it to him.
About: Today’s script comes from Walter Hill, the writer of Alien, The Warriors, 48 Hours, and Alien 3. Hill’s career of late has slowed down, though he did direct a Stallone movie four years ago called “Bullet to the Head.” For his most recent screenplay, however, you’ll have to look back to 2002, when he wrote Undisputed, starring Wesley Snipes and Ving Rhames. Tomboy will star Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez, and Hill will direct from his own script.
Writer: Walter Hill
Details: 109 pages
It always baffles me how once great writers can disappear into obscurity. I mean, does talent disappear one day? Do you become a worse writer as you get older?
I have a theory on this. Once you prove yourself to Hollywood, the checks and balances go away. And the checks and balances are what kept you honest in the first place. I get it. Nobody wants notes back on their screenplay. Nobody wants to be told: “This section isn’t working.” But when you address a complaint like that, you usually end up making the screenplay better.
Once you’re on top, you can tell people who give you notes to fuck off. Complicating matters is your belief that you’re better now, that with time you have a better understanding of what you’re doing. So it makes sense, in your mind, why you’re telling someone to fuck off. You know better than them.
This leads to a lethargy in the way you approach your craft. Since you’re smarter, you rationalize, you don’t have to work as hard. And eventually that disposition poisons you, drip drip dripping until you’re writing really basic shit that isn’t pushing the envelope on any level.
The thing is, Tomboy isn’t that. If anything, it’s one of the most ambitious screenplays I’ve read all year. The rules are thrown out the window. So does that make this a return to form for Walter Hill? Let’s find out.
50-something Dr. Rachel Kaye, or “The Doctor,” as she will be known, is being kept in a psychiatric hospital for reasons unknown. A couple of doctors have come to interview her to try and comprehend what she’s done. And what she’s done will be the subject of this story.
Meanwhile, we’re listening to a voice over from somebody named “Tomboy.” Tomboy is a guy named Frank Kitchen. Frank is a hitman. He’s very professional. Does his job and never asks questions.
Well, maybe he should’ve asked one here. Frank kills a guy named Sebastian Kaye, another low-life who doesn’t know how to pay up. No big whup, right?
Except a few months later, Frank is flown into the big city to do a new job from someone named Honest John, a guy he’s worked with before. Honest John wants Frank to take someone out, and that’s the plan until Frank is assaulted in his hotel room, knocked out, and wakes up… as a woman.
Through a little investigation, Frank (now “Tomboy”), learns that The Doctor did this to him because the man he killed, Sebastian, was The Doctor’s brother. Killing Frank seemed “so last year.” So instead, she decided to make him suffer by turning him into a chick.
While that’s going on, we keep jumping back to the psyche ward interrogation, where the guys interviewing The Doctor are convinced she’s making this up, specifically Frank.
So the story is, I guess, two-fold. On one end, Tomboy’s trying to get revenge. On the other, the doctors are trying to figure out if Rachel Kaye is lying to them. In the interim, we’re left to wonder, why does any of this matter?
Tomboy is like a strange cross between Silence of the Lambs (with The Doctor clearly filling in for the Hannibal role) and The Usual Suspects (with Frank taking on the Kayser Soze moniker?). Unfortunately, it doesn’t create the dramatic tension of either, and that’s because its structure is way too funky.
Tomboy is telling its story from two different voice over points of view. One is The Doctor, the other Tomboy. This is such a confusing device that it takes a good 60 pages to get used to, especially since we bounce back and forth between them so liberally. And they’re not even being done in a uniform way. In one instance, a character is being interviewed, in the other, we’re getting a straight disembodied voice over. It’s odd.
And if it had worked, I’d be fine with it. But even once you get used to it, you’re not sure why it’s being used. I have no idea why we’re talking to this doctor in the first place. We learn nothing from her that we couldn’t have learned from Tomboy, and in most cases, her voice over disrupted a more dramatically interesting reveal.
For example, Tomboy is trying to figure out who’s done this to him and why. That’s an interesting mystery. Had we only seen this through Frank’s eyes, it could’ve been a good film. Except 30 pages in, in one of The Doctor’s voice overs, she tells us who Frank is, who he killed, and why she did this to him. So the mystery is already solved.
It was at that point that I asked myself, “Why am I still watching this movie?” Everything’s already been laid on the table. What is there left, dramatically, to stay invested? For example, in Silence of the Lambs, we want to see if Clarice is going to save the kidnapped woman! That’s why we keep reading. With The Usual Suspects, we want to find out what happened that night and who Kayser Soze is.
After awhile, I assumed that the reason we were still watching was to see Tomboy get revenge. But we know he doesn’t get revenge because The Doctor is fine. And, to be honest, I don’t care if he does get revenge or not. This doctor turned him into a woman for killing his brother. Sounds like everyone’s at fault here. What do I gain from seeing bad people avenge bad people?
The biggest problem with Tomboy is it complicates the shit out of its presentation, and to what end? If you’re going to make us work like dogs to understand what’s happening, there has to be the fucking payoff of the century at the end. And I can tell you right now without spoiling anything, this payoff wouldn’t have been satisfactory in a Goosebumps movie.
I guess I’m stumped. What’s the reasoning behind making this script so confusing? You could’ve had a cool flick if a guy wakes up, having been turned into a woman, and he/she tries to figure out who did this to him and why. To have another character giving us the answers in real-time along the way, killing the one dramatic element you had going for you (the mystery) was baffling to say the least.
So why is it getting made? It’s got two killer female roles and female roles are hot right now. I wish those roles mattered to the story more. But hey, I guess you can’t have everything.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Sometimes in trying to be too clever, we overcomplicate things, turning what could’ve been a solid screenplay into something messy and confusing. Make sure you have a reason for doing something differently. Don’t just do it because it’s different.
With scripts to write, the anticipation of Top 5 Contest Winners to be announced, and weekend errands to run, how in the world are you going to have time to read and vote on scripts? I have no idea. But give it your best shot!
Title: Sprawl
Genre: Drama
Logline: A homeless teen reconnects with his estranged college-bound friend who happens to be the son of the man he blames for his family’s eviction.
Why you should read: It started with the idea of following a pair of teens as they break into abandoned homes seized during the housing crisis of the mid-2000s and blossomed into this tale of revenge and class warfare at its most basic level. Sprawl builds tension in Jimmy’s silent plotting while marinating in an undertone of separation that often weaves its way into our lives – in this case, leaving the nest for college or having your life changed by some unforeseen circumstance. This is a story that has plagued me for a couple years now – I would love to get the community’s views on the script before I put it out in the world or bash my brains out any further over it. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Title: Kindergarten Detective
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Rocky Stone, a 5 year old detective, investigates the biggest case of his life when a valuable item goes missing in his kindergarten class.
Why you should read: I am one of the writers of Yesterday which made the top-25 of the SS#250. However, I entered two scripts, and this is the other one that didn’t advance. Since submitting, I have done a rewrite and feel Kindergarten Detective is in a better place. I would like to see what the SS community thinks and get some feedback to hopefully get it to the next level.
I grew up loving films like LA Confidential, which was actually the first professional script I ever read when I started learning this screenwriting thing. Kindergarten Detective is my comedy homage to the Noir genre as I recreate the story beats and tropes with kids inside a Kindergarten class.
Title: The Tesla Initiative
Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: A mild-mannered police officer daydreams of becoming a hero, but when he finds himself mysteriously transported to crimes moments before they occur, the line between fantasy and reality begins to blur.
Why you should read: This script was mostly written covertly at the desk of my ridiculously boring 9 to 5 job. Without a sometimes dangerously lackadaisical approach to my workload and the life-saving properties of ‘ALT & TAB’, it would never have been completed.
The Tesla Initiative is a high concept Sci-Fi idea, but one which is grounded in reality, containing elements of action, comedy and just a little romance – hopefully something that appeals to a wide audience. It also incorporates current hot-button social issues (privacy, surveillance) alongside the fantastical (teleportation!). It even has one of those Second Act twists that people seem to be so darn keen on.
Writing this provided me with a much needed escape from my otherwise mundane daily existence. I hope it’s at least half as enjoyable to read as it was to write.
I’d greatly appreciate any and all feedback from the Scriptshadow faithful.
Title: Somnium
Genre: Sci-Fi Thriller
Logline: A loyal astronaut, scheduled to be on the first mission to Mars, begins having terrifying dreams of the mission going wrong. Then, when the mission is sabotaged, he finds himself the prime suspect.
Why you should read: I’ve been writing for three years now, my script Jack Curious is in the Scriptshadow top 25 at the moment. This script is the script I wrote to teach myself the craft, and while it made the quarterfinals of the Big Break Contest and connected me with some cool people, it’s been sitting on the shelf for the last two years. I’d love the opportunity, with the help of the SS community, to pull it apart and work out how to make it better. I also have most of the budget together to make my narrative feature directing debut (I’ve only done docos so far), and I’m wondering if this could be the script to do it with.
SORRY – THE LINK FOR SUNDAE, BLOODY SUNDAE HAS NOW BEEN FIXED!
Title: Sundae, Bloody Sundae FIXED!
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Logline: When an ice cream social results in a deadly outbreak spreading throughout a nursing home, one elderly resident must overcome his own post-war trauma to battle the undead and prove himself to the woman he loves.
Why you should read: Hello. My name is Walter Melon (no jokes, please. Believe me, I’ve heard every fucking one of them). I’m 76 years young and an aspiring screenwriter. At this point in my life I’ve had plenty of experiences to draw from – fought in Vietnam, married three times (and divorced three times, thank Christ, though that first one was a hellion in the sack if I’m being honest). I was a tugboat captain on the mighty Mississippi, did a little production work on some adult films in the mid 60’s and even tried my hand at circus life. And let me tell you, those goddamned sideshow freaks think they’re the cat’s pajamas, treating us normal folks like we’re the wierdos! Lobster Boy my asshole. That motherfucker was a…sorry. I can get pretty worked up as you can see. Old wounds never heal. They fester, let me tell you. But I tend to ramble as I get on in years. Like I was saying, this is my second screenplay (my first was a World War 2 yarn, but I didn’t really know what I was doing at the time and it turned out to be a real piece of shit, so I don’t really count that one.) This story here is based on a true experience, one that involved myself and my best friend Albert Miller – the man who saved Picket Farms Nursing Home. Well, fact of the matter is, he didn’t really save but a handful of us – most of the residents were killed. But he saved my hide – more than once. And I thought his story needed to be told. He may be a deaf old bastard, but he’s one tough sonofabitch and I’d walk through fire for that man. I’d love to hear what the younger generation thinks about my latest effort. Thanks to anyone for taking the time.
Sincerely, Walter Melon
PS – Did I mention this was a true story? Hell, at least I think it is. I can’t remember shit anymore.
WM
Sorry for the late post. I was just at Grey Matter and we’re finalizing everything for the Top 5 Scriptshadow 250 Announcement. It’s going to be a big deal. I can’t wait. We’ll be making that announcement here on Monday, May 30th. It’s a tight race too. We had a lot of discussion on who should be the winner and it was freaking close. So mark your calendars folks!
Genre: Comedy/Romance
Premise: When a broke kingdom gets a second chance with a sponsored contest to find the “next Cinderella,” a common girl who competes to help her family must decide if all the drama and a charmless prince are really worth it.
About: A while ago, I was watching Shrek with my toddler niece, and thinking “I would’ve loved a whole movie on the funny fairy tale kingdom stuff.” That thought led to: “imagine if after the Cinderella story, Fairy Godmother became a washed up drunk”…and “imagine if another kingdom tried to find the next Cinderella through a “Bachelor” like competition”…those were just a couple of the “imagines” that resulted in this script, and if it’s something that might appeal to you, I hope you enjoy whatever you have time to read! (as for me: my background began in narrative fiction, and after publishing 3 novels, I started learning all I could about screenplays, as it seemed natural given my love of writing dialogue. A previous script was a top 20 finalist with Script Pipeline in 2014, and with this new one I’m just trying to see if readers find it interesting and fun!)
Writer:Romi Moondi
Details: 103 pages
Every once in awhile I’ll read a comment here that states something like, “If you have this kind of script, don’t put it on Scriptshadow. The community doesn’t like those types of scripts.” Today is the perfect example of that simply not being true. The LAST genres we tend to celebrate around here are comedy and romance, and yet that’s the script that beat out the competition last week. It just goes to show that as long as you’re a good writer with a solid concept and a strong take on that concept, you can write a script that people will notice.
Speaking of good, Cyrielle isn’t doing so good. She’s got a name that sounds like breakfast, she’s on the wrong side of 20 for the Middle Ages, and since it’s the Middle Ages, we’re about 500 years from female empowerment. Which means if you aren’t married by 18, you’re an old maid.
If that isn’t sucky enough, Cyrielle lives in the Enraptured Kingdom, a kingdom so racked by debt that they can barely afford food. That’s not to say King Gastronso isn’t getting his daily share of carbs. In fact, if you judged this kingdom by him alone, you’d think they were doing quite well.
But when King Gastronso is told that a revolt is coming, he teams with celebrity author, Gianni, that of the recent non-fiction bestseller, Cinderella, and a drunken Fairy Godmother, both of whom represent the Enchanted Kingdom.
Gianni’s idea is this. Why not hold a Cinderella Contest, just like his book, to marry off the king’s handsome but arrogant son? With a princess, the spirits of the kingdom will be lifted, which will boost tourism, and the Enraptured Kingdom will be up and running again in no time.
At the announcement ceremony, Cyrielle and her younger siblings sneak in to steal a bunch of food, only to be spotted by the prince, which results, somehow, in Cyrielle being added to the competition. The thing is, nobody believes Cyrielle can win – not even Cyrielle! Yet week after week, in this “Bachelor” like competition (you need to earn a lily to stay another week), the bumbling Cyrielle keeps on keeping on, always barely making the cut. This is ironic since her and the prince appear to have no chemistry whatsoever.
Will Cyrielle win the competition, become the princess, save her family and the kingdom? We’ll find out after this commercial break. I’m Chris Harrison.
I find fairy tales to be the perfect genre to play with. As I like to constantly sear into your eyeballs, every idea has been done before, but not every angle of every idea has been done before. That’s where you earn your mettle as a writer. You find new angles into old ideas.
Since fairy tales have been around for so long, you really have no choice but to find a new angle into them. And one of the easiest ways to do this is to play against the formula. Do what Shrek did. However, because Shrek exists, you need to find an even more disruptive angle, less you look like you’re copying.
Does The Other Princess achieve this?
Sorta.
I liked the reality show stuff. My problem with The Other Princess is more with the nuts and bolts of the story – the motivations of the characters themselves.
For example, I couldn’t figure out why this asshole Prince who despised Cyrielle kept bringing her along. We’re repeatedly told she’s too old. She keeps screwing up in the challenges, looking like a bumbling idiot. And every interaction the Prince has with her goes badly. For the first 70 pages, he appears borderline disgusted with her.
Whenever this sort of thing happens, I’m pulled out of the story because I’m thinking, “This isn’t happening because it’s logical. It’s happening because the writer needs it to happen to move the story forward.” If Cyrielle falls out of the competition, the movie is over.
But that doesn’t mean you can advance her because you need her to be moved forward. There have to be reasons behind it. This is something so many writers get wrong. They have something happen because they want it to happen, not because it would happen.
Yes, there is creative license in storytelling. You do get to do things that people wouldn’t normally do in real life. But it’s a slippery slope. The more severely or frequently you do it, the more you risk the audience calling you out.
Also, while I can forgive the writer for fudging the fringe parts of the story, you can’t fudge anything that’s a part of the story’s engine. This is what’s making the story go. If even one cylinder collapses, everything collapses. And her being chosen to continue is smack dab in the middle of the engine.
Still, I liked certain aspects of the script. As long as we’re talking about finding new angles, don’t just do it for the story, do it for the characters as well. Ask, “What has this character always been, and how can I change that?” I’ve never seen a bumbling drunk fairy godmother with no powers before, and that incarnation of the character was hilarious. Probably the best part of the script.
I also liked how Gianni was secretly listening to every conversation in the competition (like cameras in a reality TV show), writing it down, sending it back to the Enchanted Kingdom, where it was then copied onto numerous scrolls and sent out to everybody in the land, effectively creating the world’s first reality show. That was clever.
However, this should serve as a warning that scripts aren’t just about ideas. Ideas like the above are the fun part. We all love writing them. But once you have that down, you need to make sure the structure is sound, the character arcs are sound, the character motivations are sound. That’s the hard stuff, the boring stuff, but the stuff that brings it all together, that makes your story seamless.
I thought The Other Princess was a solid Amateur Friday entry. It just needs a bit more craft and technique to tidy up those edges. I hope Romi works on it because I think it has potential.
Screenplay Link: The Other Princess
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Creativity is just one part of screenwriting. You can come up with a great character, a clever scene, or a hilarious joke, but if the craft side isn’t there, your script isn’t going to pop. So just keep working on the craft (structure, GSU, suspense, plotting, pacing). And the reverse is true as well. There are a lot of great craft screenwriters out there who aren’t being creative enough, who aren’t pushing the limits of their imagination or trying unique things. So it goes both ways. You have to be proficient at both.
Welcome to Week 2 of the 13 Week “Write a F#&%ING Screenplay” challenge. Here’s a link to Week 1. If you’re coming into this late, you might be able to catch up. But once we get past this week, I recommend you follow the proper time frame. Give each assignment 7 days. We’re already going fast as it is, so I don’t want you going any faster.
Last week was all about the character bios and the outline. This week, you’re going to be drawing on both, but mainly your outline. Your outline is going to work as a series of checkpoints. You now always have a checkpoint 15 pages away or less.
That’s how I want you to start seeing your script. Not as a giant void of empty space, but a series of manageable sequences, each no more than 15 pages. Each scene averages 2 to 2 and a half pages. So every 15 pages, you’ll be writing 5-8 scenes.
Okay, now let’s get to the nitty gritty. You will be writing THREE PAGES A DAY MINIMUM. It is CRITICAL that you write at least these three pages a day. And that shouldn’t be difficult. You have an outline so a lot of the guess-work of “Where do I go next?” is taken care of. And writing three pages of double-spaced non-paragraph-intense script takes most people between 30 minutes and an hour.
If writing that many pages is hard for you, it usually means you’re being too hard on your writing. One of the most common mistakes new screenwriters make is they become obsessed with the actual written word and want to make every sentence something their English professor would be proud of.
You don’t need to worry about that. Your scene will be rewritten so many times, it won’t resemble what it was when you first wrote it. Therefore, all those extra hours you put into making your sentences perfect will have been a waste. Since nobody saw them anyway.
Perfecting your presentation is something you only want to worry about when you’re putting the finishing touches on a script you’re sending out. That stuff means nothing when you’re the only one reading it. Just write clearly and have fun doing it. The first draft should be the draft that’s the most exciting to write. Because it’s the draft where you’ll discover the most about your story. Don’t stifle that because you can’t decide if you should use a comma or a semicolon.
Three pages a day at 7 days a week means that next week, you will have finished 21 pages, which is kind of a weird place to stop since it’s right between the inciting incident and the end of the first act. But whatever. We’ll work with what we’ve got.
Our main concern is your inciting incident, and since every story is different, I can’t give you a one-size-fits-all solution for this. A script someone just sent me had the inciting incident on the very first page. And they did the same thing with my favorite script, Source Code. Our hero wakes up in the middle of his problem – he’s on a train that has a bomb about to blow and he must figure out who the bomber is.
There are also movies that need to establish multiple characters, like The Force Awakens, so it’s harder for that movie to set up its main character (Rey) and hit her inciting incident right at page 15. I’m guessing the inciting incident there is when Finn shows up at her doorstep with the bad guys in pursuit, and that happens on page 30. Others may say that Rey’s inciting incident is when BB-8 shows up on page 15, though I don’t think that’s a big enough problem to be considered an inciting incident.
The point is, the definitions for these screenwriting terms are fluid and dependent on the unique circumstances of your story. So don’t get too caught up in them if they’re confusing. Just make sure that you have those checkpoints marked. And between now and next week, the only checkpoint we’re worried about is between page 12-15. Something needs to happen there to kickstart your movie or we’ll get bored.
So what do you do in the meantime? Well, the first 15 pages are about setup. You’re setting up your characters. In the old screenwriting books, they’d say we want to meet our hero in their everyday lives. If we don’t see who they are to begin with, we won’t appreciate who they have to become when the shit hits the fan. So again, you saw this with Rey in The Force Awakens. We see her everyday life of scrapping and trying to survive.
If you’re like me, you like movies that start in motion. And in those cases, we won’t always be able to see who your character is in their everyday life. They may not even be in their environment when we meet them. Jason Bourne doesn’t start off in a cozy house in the suburbs making breakfast for his kids. He wakes up in unfamiliar territory.
Regardless of where we meet your character, you have to tell us as much as possible about them in a very short amount of time. If they’re in their environment, that’s easy. By seeing their everyday lives, we’ll get a sense of who they are and what their weaknesses are. If you start them in an unfamiliar environment, go back to that character bio I asked you to write, figure out what their flaw is, and write a scene that exposes that flaw, if not in their introductory scene, then soonafter. So in Trainwreck, we immediately establish that Amy Schumer is…. you guessed it, a trainwreck.
And again, don’t get too caught up in your beats. Every screenplay is like a snowflake. It’s different. It has its own quirks and needs. Okay, maybe that’s not like a snowflake at all but you get what I’m saying. Sometimes you want to start your script with a flashy teaser that has nothing to do with your hero. If that feels right for your script, DO IT! Don’t resist creativity because you’re trying to meet technical checkpoints. Those are there as a guide. And since this is the first draft, it’s okay to color outside the lines a bit.
After you write your inciting incident scene (the scene where a big problem alters your main character’s life forever and forces them to make a choice whether they’re going to fight that battle or throw in the towel), we have 6-7 pages left until next week’s assignment.
The Hero’s Journey, which is a template a lot of professional screenwriters use, identifies this section as “The Refusal of the Call.” Preferably, the problem that your hero is faced with is a big scary one. If it isn’t, you probably don’t have a movie. Because it’s big and scary, your main character will resist it. And that’s what this section of scenes is for. The hero wants to go hide, get away from this, not deal with it. But in the end, of course, they have to. Because otherwise we wouldn’t have a story to tell.
Each genre tends to have its own blueprint for this section, and there’s no way I can cover them all here. But think of this section as a push-pull situation. Write scenes that pull him, “You need to do this,” a mentor might say. Then scenes that push. Another character says, “You need to stay here and help with the farm.” It doesn’t have to be dialogue-based. These can be action scenes – in a sci-fi film, someone’s base can get attacked. Point is, this is a turbulent time where your hero’s every fiber is being tested.
Eventually, something will happen to push your character towards his adventure, sometimes by choice, sometimes by force. In The Hunger Games, Katniss chooses to swap herself for her sister. In Edge of Tomorrow, Tom Cruise never chooses anything. They MAKE HIM go. So just know that you have options and there’s no such thing as ONE WAY to do it.
Finally, writing is a fluid thing. Your best stuff comes when you’re inspired, and you can’t always predict when that’s going to happen. So don’t limit yourself to 3 pages if you’re on a roll. If you write 10 straight pages, GREAT! If you pull a Max Landis and write all 21 in a single day, GREAT!
But if you get to 21 before next Thursday, you don’t get to chill. You have to work on your script for at least 3 pages or 2 hours every day. Part of what I’m trying to instill in you here is discipline. The more writing becomes a daily thing, the more you’ll keep up with it. If you write 20 pages one day and take the next 5 off, it’s harder to come back.
So if you get to 21, go back and start rewriting your earlier scenes. Specifically, ask if your choice of scene is original. Have you seen that scene before in other movies? If the answer is yes, try to come up with a new angle into the scene – a more original choice.
I’ll give you an example. In yesterday’s script, two assistants trying to make their bosses fall in love trap them in an elevator together, hoping they’ll connect. The writer added a THIRD PERSON, a UPS delivery guy, in the elevator as well, who flipped out once the elevator stopped. It added another layer to the scene to make it feel more original. That’s what I want you to do if you have time to rewrite scenes.
If you have gobs of time or your parents are supporting your career, use the rest of your free time to KEEP FILLING IN YOUR OUTLINE. The more scenes you can figure out, the easier future writing sessions are going to be. And you know now that 15 pages is roughly 5-8 scenes. So you know how many scenes you need to fit in between each checkpoint.
Okay, that’s it for this week. Time to get some writing done. 21 pages, people. Good luck!!!
