Let me start off by saying I have no problem with Spotlight winning the Best Picture Oscar. I believe the movie works and the true best movie of the nominees (Room) was too small to give the big award to. Where I get upset is that Spotlight won best original screenplay for a screenplay that wasn’t difficult to write. It’s the most straight-forward narrative of all straight-forward narratives. “Go… get… bad guys.” It’s almost “Taken” but with reporters instead of an ex-CIA agent (and somehow less character development).
And the reason it won despite this continues to be one of the Academy’s biggest weaknesses. They will always weight social issues and a “message” over skill. Always. Inside Out was a kid’s movie. It’s message was “people aren’t always happy.” That doesn’t have the same weight as, “Priests are raping children.” So even though Inside Out, as a screenplay, was 100 times more complicated to write, it lost out to an issue. And I think that sucks. Because I thought the whole idea of an Oscar was to give it to the people who were the most deserving. And instead it was given to the people who performed a straight-forward transcription of an important story.
Luckily, the Academy made up for this mistake by awarding The Big Short Best Adapted Screenplay. And the great thing about that movie was it had both of these things. It was an important social issue and an incredibly complicated and skillful display of writing. It did not have a single protagonist. It didn’t even have a single group protagonist. It had multiple group protagonists. It also had multiple narrators. Multiple narratives. It also broke the fourth wall, and not with one character, like Deadpool or Ferris Bueller, but with multiple characters, which is, like, the “do not do this under any circumstances” rule of all screenwriting rules. It was a script that broke so many rules, I lost count. But it also anchored its narrative so strongly in tried-and-true storytelling techniques (underdog protags, an evil entity that we had to see go down) that it worked. A truly great script.
Okay, feel free to discuss all the Oscar winners and losers, as well as the show itself. Oh, and kudos to the Academy for putting screenwriting awards first and foremost. That was a nice surprise. :)
Good news, chaperoos. I’ve got another batch of scripts for you. What can I say, I’m in a rhyming mood. So before we get into the goods, I’m changing my position on Adapted Screenplay today because I just watched The Big Short and it’s amaaaaaazing. What a daring screenplay and a daring movie. They really took a lot of chances there. It was like a comedic Scorsese film. Sorry “Room!” I still love you. Which is the perfect segue into today’s offerings because I know – for a FACT – that someone from this site is going to win a screenwriting Oscar at some point in their lives. I can’t tell you how I know (other than I might be an AI program sent back in time through the internet) but rest assured, I’m like… 18… 19 percent sure. And how sure am I about being sure? I’d say at least 5%. I’ve never been so 5% sure of being sure of something in my life. Will one of today’s writers be making that big acceptance speech? Uh, when a script called “Time Shark” makes Amateur Offerings, I’m pretty sure the answer is DEFINITELY!
Title: A Walk Across the Sun
Genre: Western
Logline: Long after the fall of civilization, a sheltered teen searches for his estranged older brother, now wrapped up with a gang of marauders storming across the Mojave Desert.
Why you should read: Whenever I make the drive from Los Angeles to Vegas, I can’t help but absorb the barren landscape that flanks the 15. It’s a land that still bears the luster of the frontier and a setting that’s ripe for a proper story… A post-apocalyptic Western where we see the world transformed back into a time of cowboys and the prospect of “leaving the nest” has deadly consequences. This is The Road-meets-Once Upon a Time in the West… Bloody, brutal, and thrilling. A Walk Across the Sun is another script I hope to take out very soon, but I would love to hear what the Script Shadow community thinks of it before I do. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Title: Inner Geoff
Genre: Comedy
Logline: A man finds himself at war with his repressed subconscious in this sex-comedy spin on Jekyll & Hyde. On a day that will determine whether Geoff Perkins will get the promotion he desperately needs to maintain custody of his sister, he begins experiencing blackouts that allow his inner horndog to get out.
Why you should read: Anybody out there into script sex? That freaky-deaky tango of two writers getting down and dirty and going to poundtown on each other’s material… Well this script here is Scriptshadow Script Sex. That’s that really nasty stuff you’re not even allowed to send in the mail. Co-writers Patrick Bonner and John Eidson met on the Scriptshadow boards and did the will they-won’t they dance, trying to figure out who was catfishing who. But then they just threw caution to the wind, put on some Barry White, and nine months later, here we are. With a Scriptshadow godchild just waiting to be baptized.
But forget the sexy-time and consider this: Comedy, more than any other genre, is dependent on great characters. Quick, what’s the plot to Dumb & Dumber? Anchorman??? Do you remember that Harry & Lloyd are trying to return a briefcase, or do you remember Harry & Lloyd? What does “I love lamp” or Sex Panther Cologne have to do with sexism in the 70’s media market? The truly great comedies live on in the characters that have been created, and the quotes that get repeated over and over again. So when we set out to write this, we weren’t content to rest on a unique (if somewhat confusing) premise and nailing it’s execution. This script is full of fun characters, ones that you’ll remember, and quotes you can see becoming catch-phrases. If you can read this and say that Cassidy isn’t on the Alan in The Hangover or Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids-level (her name was Megan, but no one seems to remember that), then we’re calling bullshit.
Carson,
Full disclosure; my husband, Matt is on your page daily and I can’t take one more drop of this shoulders as he anxiously awaits someone to read his script. Matt is an incredibly smart man who secretly writes late into the evening… dark scripts that could potentially freak out a spouse, except his is a little crazy herself. Save me from having to irrationally drive cross country wearing a diaper and forcing someone brilliant to read Burn on It.
I have read it and although you do not give GENIUS as a rating, you might get pretty damn close after reading this.
Sneaking through Matt’s notes I found the description as:
The actions of a ruthless kidnapper grip an affluent neighborhood in fear. A young boy from a broken home may possess the secret that ends the reign of terror.
Pretty good for two sentences but- there’s no hint to high society scandal, a parents greatest fear, death of a best friend that causes a surprising act of violence… I never know what I’m allowed to share or say but “Read the script already!”
Matt has read several scripts on your site and found one that seemed to be shared just because the author seemed to be a friend or generally good guy. If I must play that card, there isn’t a better man out there than Matt Campau. Compliments and acknowledgment of good deeds embarrass him; he’s rather pull them off without anyone knowing. He wouldn’t want you to know that either, he wouldn’t mind people knowing about his pranks.
Matt is patient and kind, I am not. Please get cracking- I promise you won’t be disappointed. He needs to know that he doesn’t have “American Idol Syndrome”.
Sincerely,
Momma Bear
Script link for Burn On It.
Title: Pontiff No Return
Genre: Action/Comedy
Logline: The Pope, a former soldier, goes on the run, to thwart the American President’s evil plan to stoke a holy war in the Middle East; and gets some help along the way from a bad-ass Virgin Mary.
Why you should read: The best part is you don’t have to read it. As a winner of the WILDsound International Screenplay Contest, it was performed at their festival, and you can watch a live table read with professional actors here.
When I was writing this, I was kind of worried that Hollywood wouldn’t want anything to do with an irreverent, R – rated action/comedy. Then Deadpool happened. Maybe the timing now is perfect.
Title: Time Shark!
Genre: Spoof/Action Adventure
Logline: A retired marine biologist goes back into the water when inter-dimensional time-traveling sharks invade our world. But an overzealous military-man has nefarious plans for the strange fish. Airplane! meets Jaws.
Why you should read: Hey there! So I’m a first time screenwriter, starting this a little later than most, (I’m in my early 40s) and I had a story to tell about time traveling sharks. So I did. I don’t live in California, I’m actually a tv sports producer in Florida, a cuban-american dad, and write as a hobby on the side. I think you should review my script because it’s a comedy about time traveling sharks. And time travel is awesome, and so are sharks. And spoof comedies aren’t all that common anymore, so why not? I really hope you give it a look. Thanks.
Get Your Script Reviewed On Scriptshadow!: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, along with the title, genre, logline, and finally, something interesting about yourself and/or your script that you’d like us to post along with the script if reviewed. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Remember that your script will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effects of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.
Genre: Horror
Logline: When Emma’s sister Sadie is kidnapped by a witch and hidden in an abandoned mine, Emma must search the witch’s lair in an attempt to save Sadie’s life.
Why you should read: If you enjoy horror then I have a treat for you… This Amateur Offering comes paired with a 5-minute award-winning short film based on the feature I wrote. The script itself has received two 7’s on The Black List and has been read by respected agents and studios around town (my witch script is among Alex Ross’ HEXEN on TBL, it’s cool to be among fellow SS readers. I don’t feel so lonely). Alas, I have yet to reach the level we all hope to be apart of, “produced writer.” So please, watch and read and give me your thoughts on what more I have to do to sell my first screenplay. I’d really appreciate it.
Writer: Joseph I. Martinez
Details: 103 pages
Well last week sure got testy, didn’t it? But in the end, traditionalists prevailed, as American Witch won over what some referred to as a screenplay abomination – a direct attack on the very foundation of the craft!
All kidding aside, a “get noticed” script is a legitimate strategy for breaking in. And if you’re going to write one, you might as well go all out. I mean what would be the point of writing one otherwise?
I will say that you should use your creativity to connect in clever unexpected ways, rather than resort to swear-laden first-person attacks on the reader. There’s a fine line that exists between fun and annoying, and that choice usually goes on to offend a hefty percentage of the readers. So you’re playing with fire, brother.
Also, “Get noticed” scripts have become cliches in and of themselves. Patterns have been established. So if you’re going to tackle a genre that thrives on originality, it’s paramount that you find new avenues to explore. Don’t do what the “Get Noticed” scripts did before you. Show us how you’re unique.
Okay, onto American Witch. Wow, what an opening scene, amirite!? I can see why you guys voted for this. One of the quickest ways to identify a good writer is if they can take me out of my apartment and into another world.
When this crazy motherfucking woman was being buried in a hole with hot tar and she sticks a walnut into her vagina and we time-lapse to see a Walnut Tree grow out of it, taking us to the present day… I WAS FUCKING IN IT, MAN! I was planning to send this to a studio.
But then the script slows down (we were just discussing this last week!) and becomes Setup Castle. Here we meet the fam, which includes 18 year-old Emma Ore, her single mother, Amanda, and her little sis, Sadie.
Amanda’s found a male suitor in Dr. Burns, and with Emma making it into the college of her dreams, the family’s fortunes are looking up. But then that very night, Amanda sleepwalks out of her bed into the stormy night, never to be seen again.
Cut to a year later where poor Emma, who never ended up going to college, has weird panic attacks where she sees her dead mom. Dr. Burns has provided her with some time-sensitive medication as well as a calming-phase (“Cashmere roses, wicker shakes, twenty-two”) to repeat so that Scary Maggot-Infested Version of Mom disappears.
No later than a day after we re-join Emma, her sister, Sadie, disappears just like mom did! We seem to have terrible timing popping into this girl’s life. Soon after, Emma gets word from the voices that Sadie’s being held in the local mine, so she takes her controlling boyfriend, Cole, to go look for her.
The rest of the script plays out exactly the way the logline says. We creep around this rickety abandoned mine, peeking around corners with our cell phone light, looking for sis. Occasionally, we run into the ghosts of unfortunate miners who died down here as well as a few souls dumb enough to cross paths with a badass witch named Icka Crombie. In the end, Emma will have to make some tough decisions in regards to how far she’s willing to go to save her sister. Will she kill to do so????
American Witch has some nice moments. The aforementioned opening. There’s also a scene where a little ghost boy who died in a cart asks to be pushed (with his one stipulation being that Emma CANNOT LOOK AT HIM). So she’s pushing him, looking away, but she wants to look and we want to look and we’re all terrified at what we might see, and when we do end up seeing him, he lives up to the curiosity.
But American Witch suffers from one of those annoying little things that, if gone unchecked, can kill a script. I’m talking about LACK OF CLARITY. The writer, Joseph, keeps things clear 75% of the time. But the other 25% we’re on our own to wonder what the heck is going on.
For example, I didn’t understand the family dynamic. Was Dr. Burns Amanda’s lover? The step-dad? A family friend? Your guess is as good as mine (get it!). And then I couldn’t understand the prescription pill chant combo. Emma was taking a pill that was time-sensitive down to the second (do those exist?)?? And in addition to taking the pills, she had to repeat a random phrase? How did those two things connect exactly??
It seems like a minor criticism. They’re such small details. But the whole point of writing is to have the reader exactly where you want them to be. You want to be in control of their emotions and feelings and interest at all times. And if they’re gradually wandering off a few degrees here and a few degrees there because you’re not making the details clear enough, they’re now experiencing a different story than the one you’re writing in your head, and who the hell knows what that story is?
This is a common problem, guys. I literally just gave notes on a script I read two days ago on the exact same issue. You have to be clear.
Moving forward, Joe should spend more time figuring out how to incorporate the mythology of his opening scene into the present-day storyline. That opening scene was awesome. It was rich with detail. It was unexpected. It dug into you a Hilton bed bug. But once we get to the present, we’re listening to borderline dopey scenes of characters saying things like, “Did you get into college??!” It was like going from watching The Godfather to Anchorman. The shift in sophistication was too drastic.
But the script shined in the moments where it did connect the mythology. We saw the witches dump severed heads into the cave in that opening scene. It’s no surprise then, that one of the best scenes has Emma checking in that cart to see the little boy… only to see that he’s a severed head.
That’s where this script is going to come together. And Joseph can pull it off. We’ve seen he’s capable of writing some great scenes. Let’s write more of them then. It’s a matter of pushing yourself to be better. Of not being satisfied with “okay.” This one had potential. But it’s not quite there yet.
Screenplay link: American Witch
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: If you have a non-traditional family dynamic, don’t assume the reader will just understand it. You have to explain it to us. I read a script not long ago where I thought I was watching a traditional nuclear family. Then 40 pages in, I learn that the “dad” was actually the “uncle,” who had come in to help the family out when their father died. How the hell was I supposed to know this if you didn’t tell me? Never assume, guys. Especially with things that are easy to misunderstand.
It’s tiiiiiiime. This Sunday. The Oscars. Me. You guys. Bears. Dresses. Snarky opinions. It’s going to be AHHH-MAAAAAA-ZING. One of the coolest things about this Oscars? There are no frontrunners. Outside of Brie Larson and maybe Leo, anyone can win anything. But of course, the only categories anyone cares about when they watch these things is best original and adapted screenplay. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m here to handicap the contenders for you. To give you an idea of how I judge screenplays, I first look at the difficulty level of each script and then how well the writer(s) executed their take. If you are offended by strong opinions, please look away now. Cause some of these nominees have me riled up!
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY CATEGORY
Bridge of Spies by Matt Charman and Joel and Ethan Coen
I’m going to try and be as polite as possible here. This script was a disaster. I don’t know why this movie is in the running for anything. It’s a weird concept, it has a bizarre structure, and it never understands what kind of movie it is. It feels like it was written in two weeks and they never went back for rewrites. From the little I’ve heard in interviews, it appears that Charman won the Hollywood lottery when Steven Spielberg fell in love with ONE SCENE in the script (the scene where they fill up the bathtub) and wanted to make it because of that bathtub scene. You can smell the scenes that the Coens worked on from a mile away (Tom Hanks being shaken down when he comes into East Berlin) as they’re the only scenes with any semblance of conflict or direction. This script should not be anywhere near an Oscar nomination.
Spotlight by Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer
Oh boy. Once again we find ourselves debating the most average-ly written screenplay of the year. Kudos to McCarthy and Singer for finding such a compelling real-life story, because that’s the only thing this movie has going for it. Once you look underneath the hood, you see zero attempt to create any drama or conflict (why isn’t the church going after the paper harder??) and even less of an attempt to explore the characters – you know, the people we’re supposed to feel attached to so that we care whether they succeed or fail!?? Every ounce of care the viewer has for this story has to do with the real life element of it. Zero has to do with the characters the writers painted for us, since they painted in no. 2 pencil. Case in point, does anybody know anything about the only female character in the movie other than that she was a reporter? Oh wait, we know she lives with a man. But they don’t even tell us who the man is! Is he her husband? Her brother? To tell you that would mean actually getting to know this woman. And I’m sorry, but that’s simply not allowed in Spotlight. If you’re judging this movie as an informercial for journalism, then yes, give it an Oscar. If you’re judging it as a screenplay, it shouldn’t even win the Nicholl, much less the most prestigious screenwriting award of the year. I’ve never seen a screenplay win the Oscar that didn’t have compelling characters. So if this does, it will be the first.
Inside Out by Pete Docter, Meg LeFauve and Josh Cooley
Inside Out is the opposite of Spotlight. It’s heavy on character development and tells one of the most complex stories I’ve ever seen put to paper. Nobody in this category is even in the same galaxy when it comes to degree of difficulty. Your main character isn’t the main character. You have to turn feelings into complex characters. You have to wrestle down endless gobs of exposition and somehow make them digestible, all while keeping the story moving. You have to create an entire universe that’s never been done before in any film. Inside Out is the only script in either category where the writers didn’t have a blueprint film they could work off of. They had to build the whole thing up from scratch. If these writers voting truly know what they’re talking about? Inside Out should win.
Ex Machina by Alex Garland
I’m so happy to see Ex Machina included on this list. It really was a great little script. It’s got two huge things hurting it though. It’s sci-fi (which never wins) and it’s too simple. The Academy doesn’t like to award simple. They want something that feels bigger and more complicated. Despite these types of scripts being harder to write than they look (keeping things interesting with three characters in one location for 90 minutes is really fucking hard to do!), this just isn’t the kind of script that gets an award.
Straight Outta Compton by Jonathan Herman, Andrea Berloff, S. Leigh Savidge and Alan Wenkus
I don’t know what’s going here. Why was this nominated? It’s a straight up music biopic that follows all the cliche beats. If Inside Out had no blueprints for its script, Straight Outta Compton had dozens. And it looks like they used them all. I suppose the one element of difficulty was the fact that they were following four protagonists instead of one. And that can be tricky. But everything else here felt broad and safe. Definitely not a contender.
MY PICK TO WIN?
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY CATEGORY
The Big Short by Adam McKay and Charles Randolph
I’m kicking myself for not seeing this movie yet. I read the book, which had a compelling premise – that a single man was so sure the housing market was going to crash that he invested all his money in it and earned billions – but lost track of the film because it came out during Force Awakens fever. It looks like Adam McKay took it in a much crazier direction than what was in the book, which, going off of everyone’s reactions, was a genius move. I have a feeling that this might have been my pick had I read the script or seen the film. But I haven’t so… it’s semi-disqualified from today’s voting. :(
Carol by Phyllis Nagy
What. The Fuck. Was. This Movie? Carol is one of those movies you walk out of and go, “Well I guess I’ll never get those two hours back again.” It was the worst kind of film experience. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. It was a time-waster. Nothing memorable happened. It didn’t even embrace the one element that would’ve added drama – a lesbian relationship during a time where that was frowned upon. In this world, a lesbian relationship was no different from a heterosexual relationship. Which is fine. But if you’re going to treat it that way, you don’t have a movie! You have a travelogue of a May-December romance in which the roles could’ve been two women, two men, a man and a woman. Why did this movie need to be about two women in the 1950s?? It didn’t! So why even make the film???? I love Cate Blanchett as much as any film lover. I’d watch her act out my apartment lease. But is there anyone anywhere in the world who sees this and goes, “Man, how bout the writing in Carol? Wow.” No! Nobody! So why is this a nominee???
Brooklyn by Nick Hornby
I don’t even know what this movie is about but it looks as boring as its title. That’s all I have to say about that.
The Martian by Drew Goddard
The Martian is a screenplay that should be garnering more attention, but because it’s stuck in the dreaded “sci-fi” genre, academy members aren’t sure what to do with it. It’s like seeing a goth girl at a black tie event. She’s totally out of place but you still want to go up and talk to her. And this adaptation was a lot trickier than people realize. You have to take a book where the main source of communication occurs through a written diary discussing past events and dramatize that. You had to take a book that spent 75% of its time talking about science and math, then get rid of the majority of both while keeping the spirit of them in tact. And hardest of all, you had to take a story that lasted 2 years and make it move quickly onscreen. All while covering an extensive character list. The Martian may be a dark horse. I know that a lot of Academy members loved this movie but feel that they’re violating some code by voting for it. C’mon guys. Don’t be afraid!
Room by Emma Donoghue
Here’s what I like about Room as a screenplay. It’s a very simple story, yet it still contains some big challenges, the biggest of which is (spoiler alert), what do you do once the characters get out of the room with half the movie still left? I want you to take a second to realize how difficult that challenge is. The most compelling part of your screenplay – a woman and her son trapped in a room for years – is over by the midpoint. How do you even come close to keeping us engaged after that’s over? Emma does it via pure character development (are you listening Spotlight?) as the mom has a mental breakdown and the son tries to find his bearings in a world a million times bigger than the one he spent the first 7 years of his life in. And on top of this? Emma had to change the point of view to tell her story (the book was told exclusively through the eyes of the boy, if I remember correctly). I know this movie is being celebrated mainly for its wonderful performances. But I wouldn’t mind if it also got recognized for its screenplay.
MY PICK TO WIN?
Today we talk about the danger of a weak premise as well as a little-known structural pitfall that can spell doom for your screenplay long before you’ve written it.
Genre: Comedy
Logline: On the last day of school, a mild-mannered English teacher manages to upset his co-worker, who then challenges him to a fight at the end of the day.
About: This script sold last year and will star Ice Cube and Charlie Day (It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia) in his first leading man role. It was written by Van Robichaux and Evan Susser, the team who came onto the scene when their script, “Chewie,” which documented the making of Star Wars through Peter Mayhew’s eyes, finished in the top 10 of the 2011 Black List.
Writers: Van Robichaux & Evan Susser
Details: 109 pages – December 17, 2014 draft
I remember when this script sold and there was a ton of backlash. “They’re not buying any scripts,” people said, “yet when they do buy one, it’s a comedy about a fist fight??? Can we possibly dumb down the spec trade any further?”
I’ll admit that when I hear a comedy idea that doesn’t contain irony (Old School, Liar Liar, Neighbors), I wouldn’t say I dismiss it out of hand. But I worry. The top dogs know the key to comedy is irony. Any time you’ve heard a comedy idea where you’ve gone, “That’s a great idea,” 99% of the time it’s because the premise contained irony.
Here, I see a teensy bit of irony. Instead of kids getting in a fist fight, adults do! But not nearly enough to inspire an entire movie.
If there’s little-to-no irony, I turn to requirement #2: Does the concept promise a lot of jokes? So for example, if I gave you guys the premise for Neighbors before it was turned into a movie, I bet all of you could come up with ten scenes to exploit that premise off the top of your head.
Here, we have a fist fight. I don’t see a plethora of jokes stemming from that.
If irony and multiple joke potential are out, I turn to requirement #3: Does the writer have a unique voice? Because writers who see the world differently and have a unique sense of humor can find humor in the mundane. Look no further than Charlie Kaufman.
Here, this looks to be a straight mainstream comedy. So “voice” is out the window.
If all else fails, we come to requirement #4: The writer is stomach-hurts-because-I’m-laughing-so-hard funny. If someone’s funny, they’re funny. And while they’re going to be fighting an uphill battle due to their weak premise, they can still draw upon hilarious observations, great jokes, and funny dialogue, because they’re funny! I’ve seen bad ideas saved due to the writer being hilarious.
Let’s see if that happens here.
Campbell is a high school English teacher who has to provide for two young daughters, one more on the way, his wife, and his wife’s mother. Times are tough even when things are going well in Campbell’s career.
And now, they’re not going well. It’s the last day of school and word is that Campbell has a 50/50 chance of getting fired due to budget cuts. So he’s already on edge when he shows up to a school where out-of-control teenagers are doing everything in their power to make their teacher’s lives miserable.
As Campbell jumps around, avoiding the 10,000 traps the students have set, he witnesses the psycho history teacher, Mr. Strickland, nearly decapitate a student for screwing with a screening of Strickland’s favorite documentary.
The principal asks Campbell what he saw, and Campbell is forced to tell the truth. This is a bad idea, since Strickland finds out and decides that he and Campbell must now fight after school. Campbell, a born wimp, does everything in his power to get out of this ridiculous duel, but all his efforts fail.
In the meantime, he’s waiting for his exit interview to explain why he needs to be kept on staff. Should that interview go bad, there’s a good chance he and the five women he lives with will be evicted by Andrew Garfield and Michael Shannon (sorry, indie film joke there).
Will Campbell keep his job? Even if he does, will he be pummeled into submission by a psycho in front of the whole school? Wait for the trailer to “Fist Fight” to arrive as I’m sure it’ll provide us with the entire movie.
So here’s the thing.
Barely anything works here. And this is what you get when you’re working with a weak premise.
A good premise tells you where to go. When you’re in the fields of page 55 and you don’t have anything left, a good premise points the arrow for you. The Hangover knows that we gotta get to Doug. So when you’re in trouble, come up with some shit that gets us closer to Doug!
And that’s what’s wrong with Fist Fight. See, Fist Fight doesn’t give the hero a goal to work with (a “Doug”). It gives him a time he must be somewhere by. This now puts the writer in a predicament. He has to come up with things to do UNTIL THAT TIME ARRIVES.
That’s a lot different than working with a goal, where your hero will actively pursue things. In this script’s scenario, it’s kind of like you’ve shown up to the dentist an hour early and need to figure out how to kill time until your appointment starts. Is there a chance that you’ll fill up that time productively? Possibly. But it’s much more likely you’re going to surf your phone aimlessly and play Candy Crush.
That’s why these setups scare me. They make you look at the structure the wrong way – as a time killer.
And we see that here. You can feel the writers desperately trying to fill in space. At one point, there’s a mediation from a third teacher to try and stop the fight. We also get a flashback scene accompanied by a Strickland voice over to explain why this fight needs to happen. Why are these scenes in the movie? Because they fill up time.
But it’s not just that. It’s that the concept predicated that we approach the plot in this manner. The issue was there long before you had to write the mediation scene.
These situations almost always lead to wonky plotlines, such as Campbell being ordered by the principal to ask Strickland to resign since he doesn’t want to fire him himself. When that fails, Campbell comes up with the idea that if he can get the kid who Strickland attacked to withdraw his statement, then the principal can’t get rid of Strickland and Strickland won’t want to fight anymore.
Yeah, these are the things driving the story.
The fault of this script always came down to one thing. We knew it when it was announced. It’s too thin a concept. And it reads that way.
The only reason I didn’t give it a “what the hell did I just read” is because I think there’s potential for another story. Call this, “Last Day” and focus on the crazy shit that students pull on the last day of school. That’s the strength of this script anyway – the kids pulling pranks on the teachers. Imagine a darker version of Ferris Bueller puppeteering the take-down of the entire school and a teacher who’s tasked with stopping him. That could be fun. What I just read wasn’t fun.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: I’ve said this before. If your premise centers around an activity that could easily be a subplot in another movie, you probably don’t have a big enough premise. Fights happen all the time in movies. So to make that the main plot is a tough sell. I’m not saying it can’t work. It’s a hell of a lot harder though. Why not save yourself the headache and come up with a bigger premise?
