The Oscars are finally here! Well, at the end of the week, anyway. On Thursday, I’ll be handicapping the original and adapted screenplay categories. That’ll be sure to ruffle some feathers as I’ll probably spend the whole time writing how if Spotlight wins, it means nobody in the Academy understands screenwriting. But in the meantime, let’s check out some FUTURE Oscar winners. That’s right, YOU GUYS! Read as much as you can of each script, let the writers know where you stopped (or if you stopped) and why, then vote for your favorite. Good luck to all!
Oh and remember, you can submit your own script to challenge your peers by sending me an e-mail (carsonreeves3@gmail.com) with your TITLE, GENRE, LOGLINE, WHY YOU THINK IT DESERVES A SHOT, and a PDF of the screenplay. A good review tends to get writers some industry contacts. So keep’em coming!
This one sounds like an old school 90s spec!
Title: Keep Talking
Genre: Thriller
Logline: A lowlife informant must struggle to stay alive when a vicious cartel implants an explosive device in his throat, which is set up to detonate if he stops talking.
Why you should read: It has horrible criminals, entertaining violence and colorful profanity, surrounded by a copious amount of GSU. I’m also fairly certain the title page is centered.
Title: The Meal Plan
Genre: Crime Thriller
Logline: After armed thugs take over his dorm, an outcast resident fights to save the roommates he loathes and the girl he loves from being held hostage.
Why you should read: The Meal Plan came about after a neighboring dorm was robbed and the residents were tied up with their shoelaces during my Freshman year of college. From those true events sprang the foundation for this Die Hard-meets-Reservoir Dogs tale. I’ve workshopped this script quite a bit but have yet to take it for a spin on the contest circuit or in the marketplace. I’d love to hear what the Script Shadow community thinks of The Meal Plan before I do. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Title: American Witch
Genre: Horror
Logline: When Emma’s sister Sadie is kidnapped by a witch and hidden in an abandoned mine, Emma must search the witch’s lair in an attempt to save Sadie’s life.
Why you should read: If you enjoy horror then I have a treat for you… This Amateur Offering comes paired with a 5-minute award-winning short film based on the feature I wrote. The script itself has received two 7’s on The Black List and has been read by respected agents and studios around town (my witch script is among Alex Ross’ HEXEN on TBL, https://scriptshadow.net/amateur-friday-hexen-witches/, it’s cool to be among fellow SS readers. I don’t feel so lonely). Alas, I have yet to reach the level we all hope to be apart of, “produced writer.” So please, watch and read and give me your thoughts on what more I have to do to sell my first screenplay. I’d really appreciate it.
Title: Back In Line
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Spiraling out of control, the best detective on the force must team with a by-the-book female partner in order to finally catch his arch nemesis who he believes is a time traveling criminal from outer space.
Why you should read: I’m pretty sure the guy I hate most in this world is actually from another planet. I can’t prove it, though. And it’s driving me nuts. Because I can’t just causally mention to people that I think this person is from another planet. When I do they think I’m kidding. I try to leave a moment of silence after they chuckle in the hopes that they get that I’m not kidding. But then I chicken out and chuckle back. Anyway, I hope you like the script.
Title: HALFS
Genre: Horror
Logline: After a routine liposuction, a man discovers his unborn twin living inside him.
The horror begins when the entity takes over his body.
Why you should read: I’ve been writing screenplays for a really, really long time. I’m either a stubbornly horrible writer or an undiscovered talent. You be the judge, sir. I’ve sold a screenplay to Justin Lin (“Fast and Furious 3-6” and “Star Trek Beyond”). This was a Sigmund Freud biopic, if you can believe that. I’ve had countless scripts optioned over the years. “HALFS” is one of the best of these scripts. I will promise one thing… you will be entertained until the last page.
No amateur script today so I thought I’d discuss yesterday’s article about opening scenes, as well as post the winner of the scene contest! But first, I want to comment on a few of the things commenters noted.
“Flash-forward opening scenes are a cliche.” – I believe the commenter was trying to say that crazy mysterious flash-forward openers are cliche and hollow, a cheap trick to grab our interest before cutting to the past where, surprise surprise, a much slower and less interesting story unfolds. I agree with this. Those were not the scenes I had in mind when I wrote yesterday’s article. If the only way for you to pull me in is to flash forward to an exciting scene that will happen later in your screenplay, you’re not doing this right. Flash-forwards and flash-backs should always be your last option. See if you can create interest out of a linear situation first. Because unless you’ve written the greatest flash-forward opener ever, or it’s clear that there’s a reason why you started us in the future, I’m going to be skeptical of your ability to tell a compelling linear story.
“The opening scene is just a scene.” – MulesandMud had some excellent notes yesterday on how dramatic questions work. If you didn’t read his comment, make sure to. What he’s basically saying is that you shouldn’t just be asking dramatic questions in your opening scene. You should be asking dramatic questions in every scene. What I was trying to say was that if there isn’t a dramatic question posed in the opening scene, it usually means the writer doesn’t understand drama. And if they can’t hook you in the first 5 pages, how in the world are they going to keep you hooked for an entire screenplay? So yeah, even after you’ve finished that dramatic-question opening scene, don’t stop posing questions. Keep asking them in as many scenes as possible. That’s how you’ll keep us hooked.
“Each screenplay is unique.” – There will never be a screenwriting tip that universally fits every script. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this craft, it’s that every time you write a new script, you face new challenges that require you to do things you’ve never done before, some of those going against the very guidelines you’ve based your writing foundation on. For example, I always recommend you give your hero a memorable opening scene. But due to the unique challenges of some stories, you might not be able to do that. You could’ve made the opening of Die Hard a lot more interesting if the plane John McClane was on lost control and McClane had to save it. But then you lose the “ordinary man” quality that makes the rest of the movie work so well. My point being, I would prefer a dramatic question to open your script. It’s the easiest way to hook the reader. But if you’ve chosen an idea that doesn’t mesh well with that approach, don’t force it. Do what the script is telling you to do.
Okay, on to yesterday’s winning scene! This comes from Lucid Walk. The script is titled Under The Vultures and is a cowboy-zombie mash-up. I really liked the scene. I thought it did everything I talked about. The only issue I had with the scene (spoiler alert) was that the heroine was saved by a deus-ex-machina. Always always always try to get your main characters to solve the big problems on their own. Not only is it good writing, but it’ll make your audience fall in love with your hero like you wouldn’t believe. Minor quibble though. The rest of the scene was great!
FADE IN:
EXT. FOREST – NIGHT
A heavy deluge of rain pelts WENDY MCQUAIL (27) as she bounds through the heart of a lush forest.
She is an innocent beauty, garbed in a blood-spattered pioneer dress, clutching a double-barreled shotgun.
SUPER: MONTANA, 1872
Wendy stops behind a tree, panting rapidly.
Lightning flashes. Thunder ROLLS.
A SHRIEK fills the air — high-pitched, ghastly — like the wails of a banshee mixed with the cries of a dying animal.
Wendy opens the gun’s chamber, only one shell left.
Another SHRIEK, closer.
Wendy closes the chamber — KACHICK! She takes a deep breath, her eyes filled with fear.
She steps around the tree, risks a peek.
Lightning flashes. Thunder ROLLS. And then —
THREE FIGURES burst out of the wet bushes.
Their flesh pale and rotten. Blood oozes out of their mouths. Their eyes burn bright yellow like jewels from hell.
And we’ll call them what they are — ZOMBIES.
The zombies linger, scanning the area for their prey.
Wendy watches them from the cover of the tree. Her eyes fixed on the undead monsters, she doesn’t notice…
A HULKING FIGURE approaches her from behind.
The zombies SHRIEK with anger, defeated in their search. They sprint into the foliage, out of sight.
Wendy sinks against the tree, sighs in relief.
A low GROWL.
Wendy swivels to the sound and sees…
An UNDEAD GRIZZLY BEAR stalks out of the darkness.
A hellish beast of intense size. Its furry hide is torn open, exposing its grisly rib cage. Its intestines drag through the wet mud. Blood drools out of its serrated fangs.
The bear’s yellow eyes leer at Wendy.
The shotgun falls to the ground.
Wendy gapes at the monster, frozen with fear.
The bear bellows a tremendous ROAR.
Wendy snaps out of it, goes for the shotgun —
The bear lunges —
BANG! — a gunshot ECHOES amidst the heavy storm, reverberating throughout the forest.
THE THREE ZOMBIES
whirl around, charge in the direction of the shot.
They find the BEAR collapsed in the dirt, its head blasted into a million pieces of brain matter and bone fragments.
The empty shotgun lays beside the bear carcass.
No sign of Wendy.
Once again, the zombies scan the area.
UNDER THE BEAR CARCASS
lies Wendy, completely hidden.
The bear’s entrails slime her body. She shields her mouth from the foul stench, silences her breathing.
She lies still and quiet…listening, waiting, hoping.
Suddenly, the carcass jerks back and forth.
Wendy’s eyes widen in shock.
THE ZOMBIES
shred into the carcass like a piñata. Cold fingers plunge into the exposed rib cage. They gorge on handfuls of rotten innards.
The zombies chew their way through the carcass…oblivious of who lies underneath…getting closer to her nonetheless.
WENDY
closes her eyes. She’s trapped, helpless, alone.
Fresh tears stream down her face —
BANG! BANG!
The carcass goes still. Wendy opens her eyes.
TWO THUDS as two zombies hit the ground.
The last zombie SHRIEKS.
Wendy stays still, listens intently.
Mud SPLASHES —
Thunder BOOMS —
A sickening THWACK —
The zombie SHRIEKS —
Another THWACK —
THUD as the last zombie hits the ground. And then…
Silence. Nothing else as the heavy rain SPLATS the earth.
Wendy remains still, waiting until it’s safe.
MOMENTS LATER
Wendy emerges from under the carcass. The rainwater rinses the bear’s muck off her body. Her eyes glide over the dead zombies.
Two have bullet holes through their brains. As for the third, the grip of an empty revolver has been clubbed into its left eye socket.
The yellow light has faded from their eyes.
Wendy turns around as a flash of lightning reveals —
HARLAN ELLSWORTH (35) lies slumped against a tree, breathing heavily. He is a charismatic gunslinger with the makings of a tamed wolf — reliable, but dangerous.
WENDY
Oh, my God.
Harlan notices Wendy, tips his hat with a smile. It takes all of his strength to speak.
HARLAN
Oh. Howdy, ma’am.
Wendy hurries to Harlan’s side. He struggles to keep his eyes open. Pain and exhaustion take their toll.
WENDY
Sir, are you alright?
Harlan chuckles.
HARLAN
Not particularly.
Wendy looks down and gasps. A red smear of blood blossoms the inside of his shirt.
HARLAN
Now don’t you go worryin’ yourself, it ain’t a bite. But you are welcome to verify.
Wendy gulps. She cautiously lifts up his shirt, reveals a small hole burst outward on his torso, oozing blood.
WENDY
Sir, you were shot?
HARLAN
Lovely, ain’t it? Right in the back, and right out the gut.
An undead SHRIEK resonates in the distance. Harlan and Wendy turn towards the sound.
HARLAN
‘Course, that ain’t nothin’ compared to what they can do.
WENDY
Can you walk?
HARLAN
More or less.
He groans as he attempts to stand, using the tree for support.
HARLAN
But as to how far, I can’t say.
Wendy throws his arm around her shoulders, helps him up.
WENDY
There’s a trading post just through these trees. We can make it.
Another distant SHRIEK.
HARLAN
We damn well better.
Wendy helps Harlan walk. He groans again, covers his mouth.
WENDY
What’s wrong?
HARLAN
Apologies, ma’am, but you reek.
Wendy can’t help but laugh. She glances at the bear carcass.
WENDY
Yes, well, desperate times.
She and Harlan disappear into the woods.
The thunderous storm RAGES on, drowns out the distant sound of horrible SHRIEKS.
FADE TO BLACK
I give this note to writers all the time in consultations, because very few amateurs know how important it is. YOUR OPENING SCENE HAS TO BE AWESOME. The opening scene is the scene readers use to decide a) if they’re going to like you as a writer, b) if your writing is any good, and c) if this script has any shot at being good. Bore us with an opening scene and you’ve essentially lost your reader before your script’s started.
How should you approach opening scenes so that this doesn’t occur? It just so happens there’s a trick to ENSURE your reader will be roped into your script immediately. And that trick is to start your script with a dramatic question. Something should be happening. Something that has a goal, that has stakes, that has some urgency, and that puts your hero in a position where he has to make choices, preferably important ones.
Here’s why this works. Whenever you pose a question, the audience wants to know the answer. So if you start your script off a minute before your hero, an Olympic sprinter, is about to run the 40 yard dash, who in their right mind is going to STOP READING before they find out if the character wins the race? Nobody. It’s literally impossible to stop reading.
Assuming that we’re intrigued by the characters you’ve introduced AND the question you’ve posed is compelling, this approach works every time. Because we have to find out what happens! Raiders of the Lost Ark is the perfect example of this. We have to see if Indiana Jones gets the gold idol and gets out of the cave in one piece!
But it doesn’t have to be a big action scene. Remember Titanic? That script opens with a slow crawling scene under the ocean. But there’s a question. They’re trying to find a piece of treasure, and we want to know if they can find it.
And it doesn’t even have to be a big movie to open with a dramatic question. I read a script about teenagers recently and the script opened with the teens trying to get up the courage to go inside and buy beer with a fake ID. It was a simple question but it still fell under the blanket of “dramatic question” and I wanted to know the answer. Would they score the beer or not?
Remember, the more compelling the characters, the more interesting the question, the higher the stakes, and the more unexpected the execution, the more the scene will work. But the principles are always the same. Ask a dramatic question. We’ll keep reading til we get the answer.
So that’s today’s challenge. Write us an opening scene that hooks us, that makes us want to keep reading your script. You could write it right into the comments below, or provide a link to a PDF download of your scene. Upvote your favorite scenes and we’ll give props to the winner in tomorrow’s amateur friday review. Good luck!
p.s. If you have the extra time, let the scene-writers know if you’d continue reading their script after that first scene or put it down. If you’d put it down, let them know why. Remember, most writers rarely get feedback, so it’s hard for them to ever know what they’re doing wrong.
Genre: Comedy-Horror
Logline: In a city where dangerous monsters emerge from underground every night, a monster-fighting patrol team is tasked with finding and killing them before they can kill the city’s citizens.
About: Ben Wheatley is coming and he’s coming hard. One of the most buzzed about upcoming films that doesn’t have “Star” or “Bat” in the title is High Rise, which displays a unique voice that’s inspiring many to call Wheatley the next big thing. Turns out Wheatley’s been hard at work for awhile now, writing scripts with his writing partner Amy Jump, as this one was conceived all the way back in 2012. The Ghostbusters influence is pretty obvious. But I’d say this is much closer to the Deadpool version of Ghostbusters than the cuddly 80s Bill Murray version of Ghostbusters.
Writers: Ben Wheatley and Amy Jump
Details: 81 pages (2012 draft)
So I’m reading through this script and I’m thinking to myself, “Sure, yeah, this is cool.” We got ourselves some ruthless monsters. A badass monster-hunting patrol team. Some dark comedy to keep things fun. But after about 30 pages, I had to be honest with myself (and with you). If this showed up on Amateur Friday, it’d get a straight “wasn’t for me.” The only reason I was seeing it differently was because I’d watched that High Rise trailer and I knew what Ben Wheatley could do with this idea.
That’s one of the complaints amateur screenwriters turn to when subpar material moves through the system. That professional writers are getting the benefit of the doubt because of their name while we, the unknowns, have to write something perfect just to get hip-pocketed by a sleazy manager in El Segundo.
But you know what? I don’t have any problem with that. If you go out there and direct something great, I’m going to give your script the benefit of the doubt over Joe Nobody. Because the goal of the screenplay is to create a great movie. And if you’ve already proven that you can create a great movie, I’m going to assume that the deficiencies in your screenplay will be overcome by your vision for the film.
Freakshift follows Diane Largo, a young Sigourney Weaver type who lost her family to a monster known as a “Bulk.” Bulks are huge nasty beasts that wait til nighttime to emerge from giant Bulk-created holes in the ground. And what do these Bulks do when they get topside? They kill human beings of course. And eat them. And sometimes fornicate with them.
This is why we need the Freakshift, a fire-fighter like crew whose job it is to go out every night and kill these Bulks before they kill others. I guess you could say they’re doing the BULK of the work. You see what I did there? Anyway, in addition to getting general revenge on these monsters, Largo also wants to find the Bulk that killed her family, which luckily is an easy-to-identify albino Bulk.
But Bulks aren’t all they have to worry about. There are other monsters that occasionally pop up, and it seems that if you get bitten by any of these creatures, you turn into something called a “moocher,” which is this world’s version of a zombie. Moochers are trying to kill you just like Bulks, so it’s safe to say the freak shift is pretty dangerous.
The story follows one crazy night shift for these guys which shows just how crazy their job is. Will Largo get revenge on Albino? Will any of her shift mates survive? Jump on the Freakshift to find out, baby.
Yeah, so, this is a cool idea. But Jump and Wheatley are handicapped by a major problem. They aren’t very good screenwriters at this point in their careers (2012). They write in a sort-of shorthand, as if the script is meant for a few close friends who already know the details and therefore don’t need to be bothered with things such as character descriptions. For example, Diane Largo is introduced without an age or any other info. Just a name. And a lot of details are introduced like that, leaving the reader to fill in the gaps for himself.
Then there are basic things. The script is only 81 pages?? And the formatting (which clearly isn’t Final Draft) is stretched super-thin. So this would probably be closer to 65-70 pages if properly formatted. Things like dangling slug lines (slug lines that start at the bottom of the page) leave the script feeling rushed. I mean, hell, they don’t even know the difference between “its” and “it’s.”
And there’s no structure here. A good story is supposed to set the world up, set the main character’s goal up (first act), send them off on their journey, have them encounter lots of obstacles, have them fail to the point where it seems like they’ve lost (second act), before revealing one last push where they finally conquer their goal (third act).
Freakshift is more like, “Set up the main character’s past (first act?) BATTLE MONSTERS FOR THE NEXT 70 minutes (first and a half act?).”
I know, I know. There are no rules! You can tell a story however you want. But there’s a reason stories have been told with three acts (beginning, middle, and end) for thousands of years. Humans are biologically attuned to receiving a story that way. You speed up the middle, don’t tell us the beginning, or cut off the end, we’re going to look at you like, “What the hell you talking bout, dude?”
But the script has its charms. Wheatley and Jump seem to have done a lot of world building here, spending plenty of time on the mythology of their universe. For example, there’s a curfew for everyone so they don’t get eaten at night. But if you want to see Bulks, you can pay for a TMZ like nightly tour where you hop into an armored tour bus that drives around, looking for battles between Bulks and the Freak Shift.
And the dark humor’s a nice addition, as it takes Freakshift squarely away from its most obvious influence (Ghostbusters) and gives us something way more fucked up. For example, one of the first monster breakout scenes occurs with the Bulks barging up into an old folk’s home. So they’re tossing around naked old people, eating them, killing them. Old people are running around begging for their life. You’re not going to get that in Paul Feig’s newest iteration of the Ghostbusters franchise.
As much of a mess as this script is, I would LOVE to see Wheatley turn it into a movie. Get a proper screenwriter to come in and shape this into a more cohesive story and then go out there and have fun. Maybe if the new Ghostbusters does well, Wheatley will be able to convince someone to put up the money for this.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: With world-building, always look to go a level deeper. Surface-level world building is easy. You have a movie about guys who take on monsters at night? Sure, you could stop right there. But why? Why not ask what that world would be like? What else would be going on in that world? One of my favorite parts of Freakshift was the nightly tour bus that goes out into the city and looks for Bulks in the wild. That’s the kind of second level world building that fleshes a screenplay out. And there’s no reason to stop there. Why not go down another level? And then another? The more you can learn about your world, the more we’ll buy into it.
Genre: TV Pilot – Drama
Logline: The show follows a troubled couple involved in the disturbing depths of the Los Angeles psychic community.
About: Last night Hulu debuted their Stephen King adaptation, 11-22-63, and if you think it was just another Hulu original, think again. When you get a Stephen King book produced by JJ Abrams starring a movie star, you’re announcing to the industry that you’re an official player. Netflix may be the bully on the block, but that doesn’t mean you and your big wheel gang can’t control the alley. One of their next big shows is Shut Eye, which features Burn Notice star, Jeffrey Donovan. It was created by Les Bohem, who came out of nowhere and landed a huge deal with CBS for his creation, Extant. Among the producing team is Melissa Bernstein, who of course worked on Breaking Bad.
Writer: Les Bohem
Details: 59 pages
TV is at a crossroads. Despite everybody and their daughter-in-law throwing their pilot scripts into the mix, we haven’t seen any breakout shows in awhile. It reminds me of the time when $300 video cameras started hitting the market and all you heard was, “Now anyone can make a movie!” And so everyone DID start making movies. And none of them were any good. Or the reality TV craze. Remember that? When you could say, “What about a dating show… with midgets,” and a network would give you a couple million dollars to play with?
I guess it makes sense. These networks and streaming services have to put SOMETHING on the air. But quality control seems to be at a minimum. Even streaming titan Netflix has a bit of a “throw shit at the wall and see what sticks” mentality. I think this speaks to just how difficult TV writing is. You don’t get to wrap everything up in 90 minutes. You’re responsible for keeping it going… and going… and going… I loved the first season of Orange is the New Black. The second season was an absolute disaster though. You could feel that the writing team had run out of ideas. Ditto the disastrous third season of House of Cards.
To be honest, if you keep a rapt audience past season three, you’re probably a writing genius. I don’t know where Shut Eye will end up in this discussion, but I know that its pilot is pretty good, and pretty damn weird too.
40-something Charlie Haverford is a psychic in Los Angeles. He lives with his cunning wife, Linda, who also works in the business. Charlie’s pretty good at what he does, predicting infidelity left and right, but there’s a sadness to him that belies a man looking for more. Is this really what he’s going to spend the rest of his life doing?
A lot of that comes from Linda, who’s clearly unhappy with their situation. And as we get to know these two, we realize they’re more wrapped up in the psychic community than we thought. Charlie owns a number of small outfits throughout the city, and is responsible for training and keeping those outfits kosher.
If he doesn’t, he has to answer to Fonzo, who’s like the drug kingpin of Los Angeles psychics. He’s in charge of everything. And because of his deep gypsy roots, he deals with problems a little… differently. When Charlie’s psychic sister, Sylvia, tries to con someone, Fonzo has her go through a humiliating ritual where all the other psychics spit on her and call her names.
Things get weird when Charlie gets into a scuffle with the boyfriend of one of his own clients and he bumps his head. Later that day, a hypnotist comes to Charlie and Linda for a job interview. The hypnotist puts Charlie under and something about the combination of the head bump and the hypnosis changes him. All of a sudden, Charlie starts seeing things before they happen. And that means, in a profession of con men… Charlie has become the real thing.
Whoa. This one was out there. You never knew what was coming next. And most of what came next was good. The best way I can describe it is, imagine if a really talented writer got really drunk and let himself go. We’ve got spooky ass seance sessions, weird psychic kingpins, a deeply troubled marriage, bizarre sex scenes, humiliating gypsy rituals, the ability to tell the future. It was like jumping on top of a bucking bronco and not stopping for 60 minutes.
I just wish it all connected more naturally. For example, we meet Charlie in a session and he seems to be honest about what he’s doing. There’s no indication he’s conning the person. So, in my mind, he’s the real deal. However later, he gets the head bump and hypnosis and starts seeing into the future. So now he’s… more the real deal? Or does that mean he wasn’t the real deal earlier but now he is? There were a lot of little things like that that weren’t clear.
But what I liked about Shut Eye was a) it introduced us to a world we knew nothing about and b) it was hella well-researched. From the sessions themselves to the cabal like network that linked all these psychics together – it felt like this is what really goes down. And I’m fascinated by psychics. So each page was like candy to me.
I do want to air a grievance, though. Weird sex stuff can become a crutch for writers of dark material. As storytellers, the ideal situation is that we come up with a plot beat or a character moment to keep the story compelling. In Ozark, when we find out that the main character’s partner has been secretly siphoning money from the drug kingpin, that’s a nice plot beat that adds another layer to the story and pushes it in a new direction.
But when we can’t think of those moments, we go to our trick-box. The trick-box is full of things that don’t require connective tissue to work. You can throw them in anywhere and they’ll titilate or surprise the reader. But the truth is, they’re tricks – a distraction to hide the fact that you haven’t figured out something else in your story.
Throwing in a weird sex scene is a trick-box move. Here we jump into this scene where Linda is beating the shit out of Charlie while having sex with him and while I guess it had a teensy bit of setup, it felt isolated and too much like a trick. You see the same thing in bad horror films. Show something really gross and fucked up that has no connection to anything. Audiences above the age of 12 are pretty keen at spotting these manipulative moves. So beware of the trick-box UNLESS your trick is tightly woven into the plot.
Despite that, Shut Eye achieves what very few scripts these days do – It brings you into an unfamiliar world and unravels in an unexpected way. For those reasons, I found it enjoyable.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: I’ll give you an example of how to use weird sex stuff without resorting to your trick-box. In one of my favorite films, The Sweet Hereafter, there was a high school girl who’d survived a bus accident that killed most of the other kids on the bus. It unfortunately left her in a wheelchair. Midway through the movie, we learn that, before the accident, the girl had been sleeping with her father. It’s the classic “shocking sex scene” that could’ve easily been a trick. However, late in the movie, the father is part a group suing the bus company for millions. And everything will come down to his daughter’s testimony. Now since the daughter is in a wheelchair, her father is no longer interested in her “in that way.” So guess what happens when the girl testifies? She makes sure to paint the accident as no one’s fault so that her father doesn’t get the money. You say how the shocking sex stuff WAS AN INTREGAL PART OF THE STORY? That’s why it works. But had they just inserted incest sex in there to be shocking and that was the last we heard of it, it would’ve been a trick.
