Today’s pilot is the best drama pilot I’ve read since Breaking Bad and will likely turn actor Jason Bateman into the next Walter White.
Genre: TV pilot – 1 hour drama
Series Premise: A family man moves from the city to the Ozarks to begin repaying the money-laundering debt he owes a ruthless drug lord.
About: Today’s pilot is one of Netflix’s big new shows. It’s written by The Judge screenwriter, Bill Dubuque, and it will be directed and starred in by Jason Bateman.
Writer: Bill Dubuque (story by Bill Dubuque & Mark Williams)
Details: 67 pages
Whenever I talk to people “in the know,” they tell me to watch out for screenwriter Bill Dubuque. That he’s the next big thing. Now if you’re like me, you probably respond to that with, “The guy who wrote The Judge??” I remember reading that script and thinking, “There isn’t much here.” Assuming I must’ve missed something, I went to see the movie, and I left thinking, “There still isn’t much here.”
But see while the rest of us peasant folk judge movies on whether they’re good or they do well, Hollywood has another barometer for success, which is if you’re the guy who writes something that attracts a major movie star that propels a movie into production. If you do that, you’re considered a screenwriting superstar.
And Bill Dubuque didn’t nab Downey Jr. with anybody-could’ve-written-it Iron Man 3. He nabbed him with a quirky character piece, which is one of the hardest things in town to pull off. People figure you have God’s private number if you can do that. Which, I presume, is why people are so high on Bill Dubuque. And after reading Ozark? I probably should’ve paid them more attention.
40-something Marty Bird drives a Camry. He’s got two kids in their teens, a boy and a girl, and the perfect wife for almost twenty years. He works as a financial advisor for a two-man firm, along with his best friend, Bruce, the fast-cars and fast-women version of Marty, who can’t stop talking about this new opportunity down in the Ozarks. All the young families are moving and vacationing there. And they all have money.
At first we get the impression that Marty envies Bruce. In fact, as he’s pitching a young couple on his company’s merits, he’s also discreetly watching amateur porn on his desktop, something it seems like old Brucey would do.
But we’re going to realize that problem’s much bigger than we could’ve guessed. When Marty goes home that night, he sees his 15 year-old daughter, who believes he sucks the fun out of anything approaching happiness. And his 13 year-old son, one of those weird kids who can rattle off creepy facts that nobody else knows, like how armadillos are the only animals who can carry leprosy.
Oh, and then we meet Marty’s wife, Wendy, who we realize was the woman in that amateur porn, which wasn’t amateur porn at all. It was a camera Marty’d secretly installed in his bedroom to catch what he’d suspected for awhile, that his wife was cheating on him.
Before we can recover from that surprise, Marty gets an ASAP call from Bruce saying he needs to come to their off-site office immediately. Marty heads over to meet Bruce, Bruce’s fiancé, and some guy named Del, who makes Tuco from Breaking Bad look like Urkle from Family Matters. This is when we learn that Marty and Bruce launder 1 billion dollars a year for one of Mexico’s major drug cartels. And Del’s here because 8 million dollars of that money is missing.
In a harrowing scene, Del figures out that Bruce is the culprit (a total surprise to Marty) and shoots him and his fiancé dead. He then explains, in a very business-like way, that he not only has to kill Marty, but his family as well. Marty begs for his life, and somehow convinces Del that that tourist haven down in the Ozarks will allow him to triple his profits.
Del relents, but only if Marty can get him the 8 million Bruce screwed him out of WITHIN 48 HOURS. And so for the next two days, Marty goes on a harrowing journey to wrangle up 8 million George Washingtons, sell his house, and tell his family that they’re moving. But nothing happens the way you think it’s going to happen in Ozark, and there are many casualties along the way.
I wish I had more time for this review because if there’s any script that deserves it, it’s this one. But I don’t. So you’ll have to excuse the frantic presentation.
I’m going to make a prediction. This is going to be a mega-series that will take America by storm the same way Breaking Bad did. I mean unless the writing takes a nosedive after the pilot. But if we’re going on this pilot alone, this series will be a show-stopper.
Why is it amazing?
The writing is complex. What happens with a lot of new or average writers is that they think very linearly, and they don’t map their story out on expanded levels. They’re only thinking about what comes right before the moment they’re writing and right after. As a result, the story feels very basic – very “and then this happens, and then this happens, and then this happens, and then this happens.” Snore attack.
In comparison, Ozark feels like it was mapped out in 9 dimensions.
Take the opening scene. Marty is trying to sell this new couple on his firm while simultaneously watching porn. So we’re forming these opinions on Marty. He’s a sleaze ball. He doesn’t care about work. But then later, we meet his wife and realize SHE’S THE WOMAN in the video, which means she’s cheating on him, which means this is a camera he installed to catch her. So we do this total about-face, and see Marty in a whole new sympathetic light.
What’s even better? That revelation now adds dramatic irony to the mix. It gives the scenes between Marty and his wife an extra charge since we know that he knows her secret… but she doesn’t know.
That’s a theme here. Dubuque will use one thing, like that twist, to add another dimension to another part of the story.
So for instance, the very tool Dubuque uses to build sympathy for his protagonist, the fact that his wife has been cheating on him, is then used to show how layered Marty is. When Del is about to kill him, and tells Marty that he’s going to kill his wife next, Marty is a thousand times more worried about his wife than himself. The very wife who’s betrayed him is the person he’s trying to protect. That’s complex writing right there.
There are little things as well. One of my favorite moments is when, before Del kills Bruce, he tells everyone in the room a story about how his grandfather once caught his maid stealing money from the till. Before telling everyone how his grandfather handled the situation, he asks everyone what the grandfather should’ve done.
In typical Dubque fashion, this choice will create two great moments instead of one. The first is something countless writers fail to do. Del’s story builds suspense. We know Del is going to kill everyone here. So Dubuque draws it out. Even better, he makes us wonder if their answers might save them. A brilliant use of the device.
So one of the henchmen answers and then Bruce answers, and Del turns to Marty, wanting his answer. Instead of playing along, Marty thinks he’s bluffing. So he calls him on it. He says “You’re intimidating us in the hopes of catching us in something. But we didn’t do jack shit.”
Marty turns out to be wrong which is when Del starts killing. But the great part comes many scenes later, after we’ve forgotten Del’s monologue. Del, once again, is at odds with Marty, and revisits his story, “You never answered the question. What should my grandfather have done?” It’s a simple payoff to a simple setup, but the great part is just how unexpected it is, and how much we realized we wanted Marty’s answer. And what’s great is that Marty gives us an even better answer than we had hoped for.
Again, average writers would’ve wrapped that whole episode up in a single scene (linear and obvious). Dubuque knew he had something good, so extended Del’s monologue/question out beyond the scene. I love that shit.
But the best thing of all about Ozark? What really made it stand out? Is that it kept going where everyone else would’ve stopped. I guarantee 99 out of 100 writers would’ve written the version of this pilot where the Del/Bruce/Marty standoff was the climax of the episode. With Marty saving himself by convincing Del of the Ozark opportunity. CUT TO BLACK.
But Dubuque KEEPS FUCKING GOING. And I thought he was crazy. I was like, “How are you going to top THAT SCENE???” And somehow, HE DOES! Watching Marty scramble for 8 million in 48 hours with his cheating wife dishing Marty’s secret to her lover, putting all sorts of new people at risk, including her own kids… I mean I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough.
If you want to write a drama pilot, FIND THIS SCRIPT NOW. This is writing. This is the standard. This is what you need to live up to. This pilot is a course in pilot-writing. I didn’t even get to half the great things here (like the fact that Dubuque repeatedly did more than one thing with each scene). It’s so freaking good.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[x] genius
What I learned: Take your story to where everyone else would normally stop, and then go further.
The Deadpool writers are hot again. They give us a new script that asks, “What if the Alien movie scenario happened in real life?”
Genre: Sci-fi
Premise: When the International Space Station team starts studying the first microbe of life from Mars, they quickly learn they’re in for more than they bargained for.
About: Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick are best known for their breakout hit, Zombieland, but they’ll soon be known for a much bigger movie, the first superhero film of the year, Deadpool. This is another project they just set up with Mission Impossible 12 breakout star, Rebecca Ferguson. One of the best things about this project is that it’s, wait for it, an original story. Why is this important? Because if a project like this does well, it reignites the industry’s faith in original material. So let’s set our prayer alarm on level awesome and hope Life delivers.
Writers: Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick
Details: 115 pages – March 6, 2015 draft
Isn’t this town wonderful? Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick became Hollywood darlings when their script, Zombieland, became an unexpected box office hit. For a good half-year, they were the “It” writers in Hollywood. Everyone wanted their next script. Then the two chose to take on G.I. Joe 2 and their heat melted faster than a Snake Eyes action figure under an industrial sized microscope. If it wasn’t for someone throwing up test footage of their long-ago written Deadpool screenplay, they might be writing episodes of The Goldbergs right now (“Hey Gladys! Are we still going to the Duran Duran concert tonight!?” ZOINKS!).
Zombieland is actually a cautionary tale that up-and-coming writers (and directors) should take note of. Everyone associated with that project should’ve ended up becoming huge. Instead, they made critical mistakes that almost cost them their careers (and for director Ruben Fleischer, it may have done just that).
Here’s how it went down. After Zombieland, Reese and Wernick were offered G.I. Joe 2. No doubt they had other logs in the fire, but G.I. Joe was their big paycheck. When that much money comes at you, the temptation to take it is high. The problem is, you just came off of a buzzy over-performing “cool” movie. Moving over to G.I. Joe significantly “uncools” you. Now you’re not the hip guys with the magic touch anymore. You’re the guys who did G.I. Joe. Thank God for Deadpool, as they’re now hot again (this non-IP project of theirs being set up last week is proof-positive of that).
The director, Fleischer, made a different kind of mistake. He fell into the Hollywood Hype Bubble, a unique ecosystem where all the studios are hyping their projects, using any sort of trickery they can find to make their project sound cooler than the next. They have to do this, as they’re all going after the same big names, the same hot directors. Overselling is a necessity. As a result of this, you have tons of “house of cards” projects. Everyone SAYS they’re great. But those people are usually just re-chirping what they heard somewhere else. Rarely has someone checked to see if the project’s, indeed, any good.
I remember when Gangster Squad was the most talked about project in town. I read the script and it was not something that should’ve been talked about. There was no focus, no story. It shouldn’t be suprising then that that’s the criticism the movie got when it came out.
The point here being that you don’t want to sign on to something just because everyone is talking about it. You want to sign onto something because you feel passionate about it. Nowadays, Ruben Fleischer is directing episodes of that NBC Walmart sitcom, Superstore. If he and his writers would’ve stayed within their wheelhouse and taken on something cool and fun, I have no doubt they’d be on a much steadier career path now. Future breakthrough writers beware.
Life starts off FRENZIED. The crew of the International Space Station is running around like test lab rats with their heads cut off because the team back on Mars found a living bacterial organism and has sent it their way via Space Fed Ex. Something malfunctioned though, and the container is going to shoot past them, potentially burning up in earth’s atmosphere. So they come up with some complex maneuver to grab the delivery, barely saving the cargo. Oh, the irony.
Once inside the ship, they place the thing in one of those fancy germ-container lab rooms. By “they” I mean 10 astronauts, the key of whom is Miranda Bragg, a by-the-books representative for the Center for Disease Control. The whole reason they’re studying this Mars bacteria up here instead of down on earth, is in case it should happen to morph into something dangerous and become the next black plague.
Now remember, this cell is supposed to be dormant. So everyone’s shocked when it starts multiplying. Still, they’re more excited that this proof of life on Mars is actually proving its life in front of them. I mean, if they’re anything like the rest of us, it’s been announced to them five million times in the media over the last decade that “There’s water on Mars” and “Life found on Mars!” For once it’s actually TRUE.
Soon this thing morphs into the size of a Frisbee and starts taking interest in the humans observing it. After grabbing one such human and crushing his hand, it gets inside another’s suit and crush-eats him a chunk at a time. Luckily, it’s stuck in that lab. There’s no way out. Oh, except when someone tries to kill it with fire, which triggers the sprinkler system, which provides a small hole in the ceiling for Frisbee Alien to sneak out through. Which now means… IT’S SOMEWHERE IN THE WALLS OF THE STATION.
Shit only gets worse (as you can imagine) as this thing starts stalking them, seemingly understanding that if it doesn’t kill them, they will kill it. This information gets down to good ole planet earth, which decides to enact Order 66 on the station, meaning our occupants are going to need to find a solution fast or join George Clooney as part of earth’s low-gravity memorabilia. It’ll be up to Bragg to find that solution, but it all may be too late.
The first thing that stuck out to me about Life was how badly written the first scene was. And I italicized “written” because despite the scene sucking on the page, I know it’s going to work onscreen.
“Wait a minute, Carson. That makes no sense. Please explain.”
The reason the first scene is a mess is because we’re introduced to 10 people inside of two pages. We obviously don’t know who any of them are yet. And on top of that, it’s an action scene. So while we’re trying to keep track of all of these people, we’re also jumping around from room to room on the run. We have no spatial reference for anything outside of our general knowledge of the ISS. It’s a bunch of empty descriptions mixed with people we don’t know, trying to do something we don’t understand.
The idea behind the scene is sound. Reese and Wernick want us to be pulled in by the mystery of, “what are these people trying to do that’s so important and causing such chaos?” That doesn’t work on the page though since we’re trying to keep up with who’s who and who’s where, and where is where.
The reason this will work onscreen though is because we’d be SEEING all of these things. We’d be SEEING the geography. We’d be SEEING the faces. So we’d be able to put together what was happening rather easily.
This is why writing for producers/directors/studios is different from writing for an unknown reader. The producer knows this scene is going to work onscreen (and it can also be explained to him in person). So you can write something complex without worrying if he’s going to get it. But if you’re sending a spec out to bottom-of-the-barrel tired-ass readers, they’ll throw your script down the second they don’t know what the hell room they’re in.
I guarantee you if Reese and Wernick were writing this as a general spec that had to work its way up through the system, they wouldn’t have started with this scene. Or if they did, they would’ve made it a lot simpler and easier to follow.
The other talking point here is just how similar Life is to “Alien.” They made one change though. They asked, “What would it be like if the Alien scenario REALLY HAPPENED to modern day humanity?” And that’s the premise behind this script. At first, you’re thinking to yourself, “Why should I care about this if it’s 10 times smaller than Alien?” We don’t get a giant monster in this. The thing always stays under the size of a car tire.
But Reese and Wernick use that against us. We underestimate this thing. So when it starts wreaking havoc, we’re pulled in under the table as opposed to on top of it. This allows the two to have more fun with the “attack” scenes, which are much more intricate. One of the highlights of the script is the first time the monster strikes. It’s in one of those glass boxes that have the empty glove inside so you can stick your hand in and manipulate the thing.
Unexpectedly, however, the monster grabs onto the astronaut’s hand and doesn’t let him go. After crushing the man’s hand, it then cleverly finds a way out of the box. That was the moment I was hooked.
I don’t know what the Alien people are going to think of this. But it’s just different enough to invite a fresh take on the “alien organism attacking humans in a contained station” situation. And also, it’s a riveting read.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Drew Goddard (writer of The Martian) mentioned that you’re always writing scripts (or drafts of scripts) for different people, and you need to know who you’re writing for so you can target that person. If you’re writing to get an actor, you want to focus on giving that actor’s character a lot of great moments. If you’re writing for the production of the film, you’ll got more into detail about the sets and the logistical things that go on in action scenes. But as a spec writer, you’re writing for everyone. And that means you have to write the most entertaining easy-to-read story you can. So you wouldn’t start your script the way Life did here. You might put in a similar scene later, once we know the layout of the station and all the characters better. But since you’re trying to hook readers right away, you’d write an opening that’s a lot easier to grasp. Keep that in mind the next time you write a spec.
This is gonna be fun. We have a comedy favorite returning (which some argued should’ve been the script reviewed the first time it came around). And we also have a guy who’s clearly insane. But in the best way possible. I haven’t laughed that hard all week. I’ll save his submission for last. Read’em and vote for’em everyone!
Remember, you can submit your own script to challenge your peers by sending me an e-mail (carsonreeves3@gmail.com) with your TITLE, GENRE, LOGLINE, WHY YOU THINK IT DESERVES A SHOT, and a PDF of the screenplay. A good review tends to get writers some industry contacts. So who knows, maybe you’ll be the next “The Last Alchemist.” Keep’em coming!
Title: Hair of the Dog
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Logline: After a corpse turns up outside of his college dormitory, a meek Freshman gets sucked into the ensuing mystery by his female neighbor-turned-Nancy Drew and her promiscuous roommate.
Why You Should Read: I had a lot flowing through my mind when coming up with the script, Hair of the Dog – I wanted to write a horror movie but something closer to the slow-burn films I grew up on. I wanted to deliver a fresh take on some of the old monster movie cliches and set it in a contained, familiar environment that is horrifying in its own right – the first year of college. Hair of the Dog unfurls in a (hopefully) quick 102 pages. The script received some solid feedback before its latest draft, but I’d love to see how it fairs in the eyes of the ScriptShadow community. I hope you enjoy Hair of the Dog and any feedback would be tremendously appreciated.
Title: Tammi
Genre: Comedy
Logline: A young man from a strict religious family awakens from a head injury with the personality of a vulgar, slutty party girl.
Why You Should Read: Tammi was included in Amateur Offerings last year, and while it didn’t get picked, I received a lot of positive feedback and thoughtful comments from those that read it. I recently launched a Kickstarter campaign to make the film myself. In a little over three weeks, I’ve raised almost $20,000. I would love to get feedback on the updated draft from you and the SS community before we (potentially) head into production.
Title: House of Voodoo
Genre: Horror/Thrasher
Logline: A history professor and five students embark on a field trip to encounter the legendary voodoo curse of an abandoned slave plantation.
Why You Should Read: It’s been nearly 200 years after the Hamilton massacre. Professor Bennett, history guru and voodoo skeptic, bribes five students to accompany him to the abandoned Hamilton Plantation in effort to encounter the voodoo curse of Mahala, a beautiful slave girl. For the others, it’s an exciting adventure. For Alex, the only living Hamilton blood, it’s an opportunity to confront his nightmarish visions of Mahala. The curse reveals itself as the clan is brutally picked off one by one by a mysterious voodoo man.
Title: The Last Beast of Versailles
Genre: Action / Sci-Fi
Logline: In the most dangerous scavenger hunt in the world, a bitter huntress and a desperate competitor must work together in order to make it out alive, as they battle the most terrifying creatures of myth brought to life.
Why You Should Read: This is quite possibly like nothing you’ve read before. In fact, we have no idea what to compare this script to. I suppose if we had to pick, it’s something like Harry Potter meets The Hunger Games by way of Jurassic Park. It’s a completely different genre for us. Given that the Scriptshadow community is both awesome and various in its feedback, we thought it would be a perfect place to put this script out for critical analysis. It’s pacy and intense with some set pieces you’ve never seen before…but it also comes in under 100 pages!
And the last entry I’m keeping in its original format, since I believe it contributes to the beauty of the submission…
KEPLER 7
In 2150, three black market disease hunters must escape a strange, galactic game that exposes a much darker reality.
About me/wysr: I passed out drunk in a ditch and woke up with this script printed and bound 90’s-style in my hands. Beamed down from crazy aliens? Maybe. It didn’t have the right Acco Solid Brass Fasteners, though. They were 1 1/5th inch when EVERYONE knows it’s supposed to be 1 1/4th inch. So I then did that thing where I go into Staples and go “Hmm, this box of 1 1/4th Acco Brass Brads looks interesting…” (dumps a few on the floor) “…crap some dropped! I’ll pick ’em up…” (only picks two needed) “…nah, these aren’t the ones I need…” (flees crime, saves $3.99). And anyone who denies they’ve ever done the same thing has Kylie Jenner’s app on their phone.
Genre: Sci-Fi
Get Your Script Reviewed On Scriptshadow!: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, along with the title, genre, logline, and finally, something interesting about yourself and/or your script that you’d like us to post along with the script if reviewed. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Remember that your script will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effects of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.
Genre: Biopic
Premise (from writer): Non-believers saw her as a heroic warrior crusading to enforce the separation of church and state, but to the believers she delighted in tormenting, she was the devil incarnate. This is the true story of the irreverent, at times poignant, and always controversial Madalyn Murray O’Hair.
Why You Should Read (from writer): I’m the writer of ScriptShadow’s #2 winner Pâtisserie, and after watching Trumbo recently, the acclaimed biopic on the Communist screenwriter starring former TV star Bryan Cranston, I dusted off this screenplay I wrote before Pâtisserie that can’t seem to get any traction. Is it the subject matter? The timing? The writing? The jackboot of religion keeping it down? :) I wrote Not a Prayer with another TV star, Roseanne Barr, in mind believing she’s due for a resurgence as a dramatic actress. She even expressed an interest, but nothing has come of it…so far.
Writer: Michael Whatling
Details: 117 pages
I’m going to be totally honest here. We’ve got a biopic. The featured subject matter is atheism. That is not the way I want to spend my Thursday night. And that might be my answer to Whatling’s Why You Should Read question right there. This is subject matter you force yourself to read. It’s not subject matter you get excited over. It’s like that film that just debuted at Sundance about that newswoman who committed suicide on the air. It was too dark and dreary for everyone.
The only thing that saves a script like this is if it’s great. I will pray for that (sorry, I had to). Because before opening a page here, this sounded like it could be a first class trip to Boredom Town.
Not a Prayer’s structure is a bit odd. We start out in 1995 watching a group of people hanging out at someone’s home (Madalyn’s?) discussing the possibility of getting some money. One of these people is an older Madalyn Murray O’Hair, who her caretaker, Robin, tells us, used to be the most hated woman in America.
We then cut back to Baltimore, 1960, when Madalyn was 41 years old. Madalyn finds out that her 14 year-old son, Bill, has to pledge his allegiance to God every morning at school, and freaks the hell out. How dare anyone make her son pray to God. The Constitution separates church and state and yet here the schools are, mixing them up together like some evangelical stew.
So she complains. And the school tells her to get lost. And then she complains louder. And soon the whole country learns about her crusade, and since in 1960, the U.S. was a lot more religious (except for Johnny Carson apparently), everyone spews their hatred at Madalyn and tells her she’s the devil.
This may have scared away most folks. Not Madalyn. Madalyn takes her message to the churches and the talk show circuit, appearing on The Tonight Show, and at any church show she can find. For some reason, religious types keep letting her on, mostly so they can call her the devil.
As the script continues, we jump back and forth to many time periods in Madalyn’s life, including the present, where that mysterious “hang out at Madalyn’s house” storyline patters along. It’s a strange part of the story, as we watch two people we don’t know, a man and a woman, move from room to room flirting a lot. I didn’t know what to make of it.
Eventually (spoiler alert), we realize that that present day (1995) storyline is chronicling a murder plot. It turns out that people wanted to steal Madalyn’s money, so they came to her place, killed her and her caretaker, and then stole a bunch of gold. It’s quite the fancy ending for a script that’s, essentially, a cradle-to-grave biopic.
You’ll have to excuse the vagaries of my plot synopsis. To be honest, my eyes were glazing over by the midpoint.
What I’ve found with these “disrupter” character movies, is that one of two things need to happen. One, we need to root for what they’re doing. Or two, if we’re not rooting for what they’re doing, we need to UNDERSTAND why they’re doing it. If we can see their position, we can appreciate and respect their plight.
I definitely wasn’t rooting for Madalyn in any way. First of all, she’s a bitch. She seems like one of those “shit-stirrer for no reason” people. And she was illogical. The level of hardship brought onto her family by this choice was disproportionate to what she was getting out of it. I mean if you don’t believe in God, just don’t say anything during the morning pledge. Who cares?
And as far as why she was doing this, I could never figure that out. What was it that made her this way? Especially since we were jumping back in time so much, why not include the moment that shaped Madalyn’s views on religion? Since that moment never came, Madalyn was always stick-thin to me. Someone who complains to complain. That’s not a compelling character.
Is there something here? Can this script be salvaged? I don’t think so. But if I were a studio executive assigned to help the script, this is how I’d go about it. Reshape the present-day storyline. I didn’t know what the hell was going on there. We follow two randos flirting for 2 hours and then OUT OF NOWHERE Madalyn gets murdered??? Why not start with the murder scene, which was supposedly brutal. Let’s see that Madalyn was murdered and now, instead of a traditional cradle-to-crave biopic, you have a bit of a murder-mystery. We’re trying to find out why Madalyn was killed and who killed her.
Then, you definitely need to explain why Madalyn has become the way she is. Who cares if she became friends with Larry Flynt? That’s the kind of stuff biopic writers get lost in. It’s all flash, no substance. You need to be exploring the core of your subject, and figuring out what made them the person they are.
Finally, I would find AT LEAST ONE sympathetic feature of this woman. Being a bitch to be a bitch. Yelling at everyone. Swearing all the time. “I’m right, you’re wrong.” There’s no sympathy for these things. This is an entire life you’re talking about. I’m sure Madalyn had a few nice qualities. Find the nicest, play it up, and now you have an audience who’s going to root for her a little bit.
This one wasn’t for me. The subject alienated me too much. I wish Michael the best though. I continue to think he’s a good writer. ☺
Screenplay Link: Not a Prayer
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: When telling anyone about your script, I’m a strong believer that you DO NOT LET ON that it’s older. Don’t say any version of, “I wrote this before Blah Blah” or “I wrote this a long time ago.” And for God’s sake, do not mention “dusting” a script off. No dust in script mentioning, people. Hollywood has a huge aversion to “old.” All they want is the next new thing. So if you wrote your script a long time ago, that’s fine, but I’m giving you permission to lie. Promote it as brand new. You’ll get much more excited responses, I guarantee it.
Hey guys, I’m running around today so I don’t have time for a normal post. But I just wanted to remind everyone who’s struggling with this journey to keep at it. Keep writing. Keep getting better. Your time will come. Unless you’re new to this, I’m sure you’ve had that moment where you’ve wondered if you should give up. Well, here’s something that may make you reconsider that option.
There was an author who became so discouraged with writing that he gave it up, not writing a single word for five years. The thing is, he couldn’t get this one idea out of his head. At a certain point, he couldn’t keep it in any longer. So he broke out the typewriter. “I did not stop writing for a single day for 18 straight months, until I finished the book.” He wrote this book as the husband and father of a family, so he had plenty of excuses to use if he wanted to (“There’s no time!”) But he made that effort to write every single day. That manuscript turned out to be One Hundred Years of Solitude, which would go on to sell over 50 million copies worldwide.
Think about that. You may have the next One Hundred Years of Solitude in you but the world will never get a chance to see it because you gave up. Now that would be a real tragedy.
GET TO WRITING!
