A new Top 25 script enters the Scriptshadow Universe! Read on to find out how to make a simple premise Top 25 worthy.
Genre: Drama/Thriller
Premise: After a lawyer accidentally hits a man on his drive home, he tries to cover up the crime, only to realize there’s more to this man than meets the eye.
About: I have no idea where today’s screenwriters came from. All I know is that they’d previously made a couple of shorts, and then they write something that finishes on the Blood list then top 10 on the freaking Black List. That’s a life-changing moment right there. And what’s great about Bump is that it’s one of the only scripts in the top ten THAT’S ACTUALLY ORIGINAL and not another tired lazy biopic. Imagine that – writers writing original material and getting recognized for it! Seems like a dream from days past, like mint-chocolate chip ice cream. I expect this one to attach an awesome director and actors soon. Material is stronger than the bear in The Revanant.
Writers: Bump by Ori Guendelman (story by Ori Guendelman & Rob McClelland)
Details: 103 pages – 5/13/2015 draft
Good scripts. Boy are they hard to come by.
I’ve been reading a lot of scripts lately and the same thought always goes through my head. “How many more pages?” “How much longer?” I just want to get to the end.
Even with the good ones, I’m still checking, because I have a consult to do, more contest scripts to read, errands to run. I love what I do but I don’t want to be working til 2am.
That may sound strange to some but it’s the same thought process the majority of people reading your scripts are going through. It’s not that they’re set on hating your script or not giving you a chance. They’re simply human beings with responsibilities, work, family. The faster they can get their reading done, the sooner they can get to everything else in their day.
“Bump” is the first script I’ve read in a long time where I checked the page count and was UPSET that there were only 20 pages left. “This is going to end??” I thought? But so much is still happening! It can’t end so soon. Threads need to be tied up! There has to be something wrong. Maybe I got a faulty draft and 10 pages are missing or something! I was genuinely upset.
So what’s so great about this script? Read on to find out, you apostrophe jackals!
Thomas does not exist in an ideal cross-section of adjectives. He’s the wimpy lawyer who never stands up for himself. We meet him with his boss, Clint, explaining the importance of this “toughness” trait, and how the only way he’s going to make partner is if he starts showing some balls.
Little does Thomas know, his balls are about to be crash-tested Lexus commercial style. On the way home from the boss-dinner, a semi-drunk Thomas hits a homeless man trying to wave him down. The man is definitely dead-o.
Thomas makes the split-second decision (one of many) to throw him in the trunk, bring him home, and start dismembering him, in hopes of covering the incident up. BUT. (FIRST MAJOR SPOILER) While dismembering the man, Thomas finds a giant bag of meth in his stomach. That’s right, the man he hit is a mule. And not only that. There’s a BLACK BEEPING DEVICE TIED TO IT.
Realizing that whoever sent this mule can now figure out where he is, Thomas hurries away to dispose of both the man and the tracker. But wouldn’t you know it. That dent on his car from the hit-and-run gets him pulled over. And this is when shit really goes bad.
I’m not going to spoil the rest for you because the genius of this script is in the ways it keeps surprising you. But suffice it to say, a lot more people get involved, and little wimpy Thomas keeps getting away by the skin of his teeth. Will he make it all the way to the finish line? Bump is one of those rare scripts where you won’t know the answer to that question until the very last page.
There’s an old saying in the movie business. If you’ve got a dead body, you’ve got a movie.
And while that may seem like a throwaway line, it’s actually true. ESPECIALLY if you’re writing outside of one of the industry-friendly genres (Sci-Fi, Action, Adventure, Horror). Those genres bring with them automatic marketable elements. If you’re just writing about people, there aren’t many ways to make the script marketable without introducing a dead body.
However, the dead-body script – particularly the ‘hide the dead body’ script – tends to run into the same problem every time. It’s the same thing we talked about yesterday, in another “hide the dead body” script. We’ve seen dead body movies before. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXECUTE THE SUBJECT MATTER IN A FRESH WAY?
And really, that’s what all screenwriting comes down to. Every story’s been told. Since you’re re-telling them, if you don’t find a way to give us something different, there’s no point in even writing the script. Move on.
Bump achieves this feat in a couple of ways. Guendelman and McClelland RELENTLESSLY throw obstacles at their main character. They are ruthless. Whether it be an angry wife, a distraught best friend, a local cop, two state cops, a Terminator like assassin, a major drug kingpin, his even worse assistant. They aren’t afraid to hurl major obstacles at their hero every second of this screenplay.
Also, and this is the real key to Bump working – you know those moments as a writer where you’re like, “I can’t have John find out Amy is cheating on him here because then the story is over. Therefore I have to stretch the story out and have Amy find out later?” Whenever you do that –artificially extend things – readers know. We can tell you’re deliberately pushing back reveals and plot points because your story’s over otherwise.
These guys don’t do that. When you think, “Oh, the main character is totally going to talk his way out of this cop stop here, because it’s only 40 pages in and if this cop figures him out, then the story is over!” the cop DOES figure him out. And you’re sitting there going, “Well wait a minute, I’m not used to seeing that.”
And this is a very important point so pay attention. The majority of writers will play softball with their main character because it’s easier on them to write. Think about it. Let’s say you’re writing a serial killer script and the moment presents itself that they could catch the serial killer on page 30. What will you do? You will always pick the serial killer getting away. Because it’s easier on you. Now you can continue writing the familiar blueprint of them chasing the serial killer.
But what if they actually caught the serial killer on page 30? The thing you gain when you take that less-traveled path is a reader short-circuiting: “No. This does not compute. All writers write it this other way.” It’s like you snap them out of their auto-pilot mode and from that moment on, the reader respects you, and your script gains a new superpower in the process – the power of unpredictability. Once the reader knows you can do that once, they know you can do it again, which makes the read more exciting.
I’m not going to say that Bump did anything ridiculously different. But it definitely played out all its key moments in a slightly different manner than I’m used to. And let me be clear. That’s great. BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH. Just doing it differently isn’t enough. I can have a UFO fall out of the sky and kill my serial killer and that would be “different,” but it would also be stupid. The trick – and the thing good writers do – is they not only make the unexpected choice, but THEY EXECUTE THAT CHOICE WELL.
And that’s what these two were so good at. I wish I could be more specific but the key moments I’m thinking of were twists and I don’t want to spoil those. I’d rather you read this and see it yourself. But the main point is: When you come to a familiar sequence – like a cop stopping your main character, who has a body in the trunk – the first question you need to ask yourself is, “How do I present this common scenario in a fresh way?
And you know what? You may not be able to. You may have to execute it in a normal way because that’s the way that works best for the movie. But AT LEAST YOU ASKED THE QUESTION. Bad screenwriters never ask the question, and that’s why their scripts are so derivative.
I’ll finish by emphasizing that point. Because a movie like Bump doesn’t have special effects. It doesn’t have super-high production value. It doesn’t operate in a genre that automatically pulls an audience in (horror, for example). All you have is your choices. Those are all you own to make your script stand out. So make sure you exploit that.
The harder you work, the more of a chance you’ll write a script like “Bump.”
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[X] impressive (TOP 25!!!)
[ ] genius
What I learned: One trope that audiences love is good people being forced to do bad things. That’s always interesting because those are the people who will be most in conflict with themselves. Think about that. If a bad dude kills a man, he’s not in conflict with anything. He’s like, “Eh, another job finished.” But if a GOOD MAN does the same, his whole world is turned upside-down. Thomas is a good man. But to save his life, he needs to do a lot of bad things. And that’s what makes this so entertaining to read.
Genre: Comedy
Premise: During a bachelorette party, a group of women accidentally kill a male stripper, and in a misguided attempt to protect their future, decide to get rid of the body.
About: So I’m REALLY happy to have gotten my hands on this script. As those of you who read yesterday’s post remember, an inspiration for my first 2016 review being a comedy was Broad City rediscovering my funny bone. That series was so freaking hilarious that I was devastated when my binge ended (although I hear new eps are coming in February). This script comes from Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson’s key collaborators, Paul Downs and Lucia Aniello. These two wrote one of my favorite episodes, when Abbi must pick up a package on an unknown New York island in a warehouse overseen by a 95 year-old woman eating a 1 pound jar of yogurt. When Downs and Aniello put the script out there, it resulted in a huge bidding war, which Sony eventually won. The project has since snatched up Scarlett Johansson to star. It also finished on the 2015 Black List.
Writers: Paul Downs and Lucia Aniello
Details: 106 pages
I’m bummed!
This script was clearly written for Broad City stars Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson, but now it looks like Scarlett Johansson is attached?? I hope she’s not playing one of the leads. You guys know I hate this quirk in the system – the one that forces projects to take the wrong actor for a movie because it’s the only way to get the film funded. But I’ll pray that Johansson has accepted secondary status in this because these girls need their own movie. They – especially Ilana Glazer – are ready to become huge stars.
Okay, now on to the script. There’s a reason bachelor and bachelorette scripts are so popular. The movie formula loves disparate personalities placed in high-stress high-conflict situations. And there’s no situation that achieves this better than a bachelor/bachelorette party.
You have people who aren’t necessarily friends, who haven’t seen in each other in awhile, who have changed since they last met, who are eager to establish their place in the friendship hierarchy. You put those people in the worst situation possible and you’re going to get a ton of drama or comedy (whatever you’re looking for).
The downside of the bachelor/ette idea is that there are too many of them. This leads to “been there done that” syndrome unless you have a truly original voice or you can come up with a fresh angle. A perfect example is the difference between Bridesmaids and Bachelorette. Both covered a bachelorette party, but Bridemaids was plucky and over-the-top. Bachelorette was dark and, at times, downright cruel. It was able to differentiate itself through its voice.
I’m not sure Move That Body achieves this. It feels very “Bridesmaids-y” to me, and while I suppose the body thing adds a twist to the formula, I don’t know if it’s enough.
29 year-old Jess is about to get married to the perfect man AND win a political race to become councilwoman in her city. Things are going well indeed. Too bad her best friend, Alice, thinks she’s turned boring and has DEMANDED that for one weekend down in Miami, Jess lose all her inhibitions and become Retro-Jess.
The two head down to the coast where they meet up with the rest of the bachelorette crew, uptight Blaire, hippy Frankie, and Jess’s secret Skype pal from Australia, Pippa (who obnoxious Alice promptly nicknames, “Kiwi”).
Everything’s going great until the stripper shows up. Jess tries to escape what’s coming next but through a combination of peer pressure and physical force, she’s lap-dance violated. Alice, eager to get her turn, charges the stripper and tries some cool stripper leap onto him, accidently knocking him down, where his head hits the corner of the stone fireplace, and he fucking dies.
Naturally, their first inclination is to call the police, but when they realize they’re going to be on Orange is the New Black if caught, they start looking into other options. Eventually they decide to jet-ski the body out into the ocean and leave it there. But when it washes back up a few hours later (hey, it’s the first time they’ve done this!) they realize this isn’t going to be as easy as they thought.
As the authorities catch wind that something shady has happened at the party, the group will have to figure out how to hide this body forever, or see their hopes and dreams crumble into nothing and their futures ruined.
My biggest problem with Move That Body is that it’s not creative enough. I mean these are the writers who put Abbi (from Broad City) on a boat with three sets of twins going out to a fictional New York island to ask an old woman with Parkinson’s named “Garol,” eating a pound of yogurt, if a package of hers was accidentally sent here.
There’s nothing that weird here. It all feels very studio-friendly, very Jay Leno. Even the drug use feels tame. Again, in an episode of Broad City, Abbi, recovering from a root canal, is accidentally given double the dosage of painkillers by her friends, and she becomes so loopy, the pokeman-like stuffed animal lying next to her becomes 9 feet tall and starts encouraging her to do bad things.
She follows the 9 foot tall pokemon into the city and leaves a trail of destruction in her wake. I know that sounds “out there” but it was very well set up and the point is, it was DIFFERENT. There’s nothing different here! There are very few chances taken. And you can’t write comedy unless you take chances. If you’re sitting there worried about if this is too far or that’s too weird and dial everything back into the Jay Leno zone, well, you’re going to get a safe comedy.
I’ll give you another example from the show. There’s a scene where Abbi and Ilana stand outside the park basketball court and try to see the outlines of men’s penises through their gym shorts (until one of the guys comes up and asks them to please leave because they’re “making some of the men uncomfortable”). It’s a funny scene because it’s ironic. It’s usually men who gawk at women in those scenarios. But more importantly, whether you think it’s funny or not, it’s risky and it’s different. Again, we don’t get that here in Move That Body.
Another problem is that our girls never feel like they’re in any legitimate danger of being found out. Later, some detectives show up, which is the closest things get to “Oh shit, what are they going to do now?” But other than that, they’re in their own little safe-bubble where they’re free to come up with ideas and try them out. If they fail (like when the body washes back up on shore), they can simply try again. It’s like they’re playing Pac-Man on cheat mode. Infinite lives. There’s no fear or suspense.
This is a common problem with good TV and sketch comedy writers. They know how to create funny characters and write jokes. But they don’t know how to plot. If you want to show that someone’s in trouble, they need to be bombarded on all sides, the stakes need to be very high, and there needs to be urgency.
Like The Hangover. There’s urgency in that time is ticking down until the wedding and they still haven’t found the groom. Where is time ticking down here? Things don’t feel hurried or dangerous enough. And they MUST in a dead-body situation.
Despite that, Move that Body is a good example of being hot at the right place at the right time. You’re involved in a new popular female-driven show, studios are desperate for female-driven material. The stars could not have aligned better for these writers on the timing of going out with this.
And you know what? They’re still looking for these movies. So if you like female comedy, you should be writing them.
As for me, I didn’t love this but maybe a few rewrites and seeing Ilana and Abbi in the roles will change my mind. I hope so! Cause I love those two. Like I legitimately want to marry both of them and have a polyamphrous relationship with them and it’s perfectly okay if they put me on the bottom of the totem pole. I would do that for them.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Ilana and Abbi’s success can be broken down into four categories.
1) Hard Work
2) Not Giving Up
3) Being self-starters.
4) Not being afraid to ask.
If you can achieve these four things, you will be successful: Number 1, these two have been practicing and honing their craft relentlessly for years. Number 2, they started all the way back in 2006. That’s 8 years before they got their own show. People less serious would’ve given up in that time. Number 3, instead of waiting to get the perfect role or depending on others for their success, they put together a series of Youtube Web videos titled “Broad City.” While their following was small, being able to see the voice and tone of the show was essential to Comedy Central saying yes. Number 4, Despite not knowing Amy Poehler personally (they knew her through a friend of a friend of a friend), they took a chance and asked her to be on the Season 2 finale of their webisode series of Broad City. Amy’s popularity brought a lot more eyes to the show, helping it launch into something bigger. The two were certain Amy was going to say no and almost didn’t ask. But they did, and it happened Amy had seen the series and liked it. You never know if you don’t ask, kids.
Starting off the New Year with a VERY important screenwriting concept, especially if you write comedy!
Genre: Comedy
Premise: After she gets accepted into an expensive college, a young woman’s parents decide that the only way they can pay for her tuition is to open an illegal casino in their friend’s house.
About: This one comes from Brendan O’Brien and Andrew Jay Cohen, who took their careers to the next level after writing the surprise hit, Neighbors. They immediately capitalized on the buzz, selling this pitch with Will Ferrell attached. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe these two were assistant writers for Seth Rogen before pitching him Neighbors and getting to write a full script for him. “The House” title is said to double as not just the title, but what each writer was able to buy after selling the pitch. That was a joke. Now you know why nobody pays me a million dollars to write comedies.
Writer: Brendan O’Brien & Andrew Jay Cohen
Details: 115 pages – 2/3/15 draft
To start 2016 off with a comedy script may seem odd. The readers of this site aren’t huge comedy fans. Comedy is the least respected genre in the business. And let’s not forget that studios aren’t nearly as big on comedy as they used to be, as the genre doesn’t travel well.
However, there are a few reasons why I embraced a comedy review. First, I noticed how well Daddy’s Home is doing at the box office (it’s tallied 93 million dollars in the wake of The Force Awakens somehow). Second, the standout scripts in the Scriptshadow 250 Contest so far have been comedy scripts. And finally, over the holidays I binge-watched the best half-hour comedy show on TV since Seinfeld, Broad City.
Despite all this, I continue to be baffled by the genre. It seems to only reward the unfunny. When I tell a writer that to succeed in comedy, he has to be genius-level funny, all he has to do is point to The Goldbergs and say, “Well then how did that get on the air?” And what can I say? I don’t have an answer to that. Does anyone?
This leads us to two of the hottest comedy writers in town who are trying to establish themselves as major players with this, their second big studio effort. The pitch sold quickly. But did the script turn out well?
Life seems to be going well for Scott and Kate. They love each other, they have a nice house in the suburbs, and they’ve somehow created a beautiful human being, Alex, who’s smarter than both of them combined.
But the problem with these smartie-pants kids when they grow up is that they need to go to smartie-pants colleges, and smartie-pants colleges cost a lot of dough. This is the predicament Scott and Kate find themselves in, and when Scott loses his job and Alex loses her scholarship, the couple are facing the prospects of their baby girl not going to school.
And they ain’t gonna let that happen.
During a weekend trip to Vegas with his degenerate best friend, Frank, Scott realizes that the casino “house” always wins. This leads to an idea. What if THEY were the house? He rushes back home, convinces Kate with little resistance, and the three open a casino in Frank’s house.
At first, things are fine, with local closet gamblers throwing money at them left and right, but then the realities of casino ownage rear their head. What do you do with cheaters? How do you handle fights? Where will people get more money to gamble when they run out? Should you extend lines of credit?
As the casino grows in its success, everything starts to fall apart. Scott and Kate spend less time together. They don’t hang out with their daughter as much. Frank becomes meaner and focuses all his energy on the casino. I think it’s safe to say this isn’t going to end well. The question is whether Scott and his family will end their little illegal business before the cops find out and they go to prison for 20 years.
I’d like to discuss something today called ease-of-setup. To do this, I need you to put your imagination hats on and imagine a boulder. But not just any boulder. The boulder on The Raiders of the Lost Ark. A perfectly round boulder. Now I want you to imagine having to push that boulder across town. Okay? Are you imagining that? Fun, right?
Next, I want you to imagine the same thing. But this time with an imperfect boulder. It’s still sort of round, but it has some flat parts, some big divots, and, to be honest, it’s kind of lop-sided. Now I’m going to ask you a question. Which boulder would you rather push across town? Hopefully this answer isn’t difficult.
Ease-of-setup is when you come up with a concept that’s so natural, it sets the story up and moves things along effortlessly – like a perfectly round boulder – as opposed to a situation where every roll requires an immense amount of effort on your part, due to your ugly-ass time-consuming lop-sided boulder.
Ease-of-setup is especially important in comedy because people don’t come to comedies to languish through a bunch of prep scenes. They come for the concept they saw on the poster.
A good place to start with this is O’Brien and Cohen’s previous screenplay, Neighbors. Neighbors is the embodiment of ease-of-setup. A young family moves into a house. Then a frat moves in next door. We don’t need any complicated series of events to prep us for this moment to work. We instantly understand: new family vs. frat house = trouble.
Contrast this with The House. The House needs A LOT of setup to get to where its concept kicks in. We show them having their daughter. We show the daughter growing up and how great of a relationship the family has. We set up that she’s going to college. We set up Scott being fired. We set up that the daughter’s scholarship has been revoked. We set up a visit to the financial advisor so we can learn they have no savings. We set up a trip to Vegas so they can learn that opening a casino is an option.
Do you see where I’m going with this? One scene of a frat house moving next door versus a dozen scenes to establish that this family had a kid, she grew up, she’s going to college, they don’t have a lot of money, they come up with a casino idea.
This becomes an issue for a few reasons. First, every second you’re spending “setting things up,” is one more second your script feels manufactured as opposed to real. Setups are mainly exposition, and too much exposition kills the suspension of disbelief. Second, setup is boring. Everyone tries to make it not-boring but it’s always boring. And finally, you’re creating impatience in the audience.
Now could they cut a lot of this out and make the setup shorter? Maybe we open the movie on a shot of the daughter excitedly getting into college and the parents looking worried, then move to them trying to figure out where the money is going to come from. Sure, you could do that. But you go that route and you lose some of the connection to the family and maybe we don’t care about their situation as much. And you still have to come up with a plausible scenario by which they’d think starting a casino is a good option, and that definitely needs setup.
I haven’t seen Daddy’s Home yet but that concept strikes me as having an easy set-up. Step-dad’s life with his family is great. Then it’s announced Real Dad is coming back home. Boom, setup over. What that ease allows you to do is to move into the story more naturally. Because you don’t have to force all these artificial “issues” into the first act, you can just let it evolve organically. If you want to put in a scene where the step-dad and the wife have a great day out with the kids, you can do that. But you don’t HAVE TO DO THAT, and that’s the power of ease-of-setup. It leads to a very natural-feeling story experience.
The only time when I’m tolerant of bulky setups is when the concept is so damn good, I’m willing to wait. Take The Matrix. It takes awhile to set things up there. But because the promise of the Matrix is so compelling, we’re willing to wait around for it.
This is rarely the case with comedies, which these days aren’t as concept-driven as they used to be. And The House is no exception. I suppose illegally opening a casino in your home is sort of funny. But is it “I’m okay waiting through a bunch of boring-ass exposition to get to it” funny? Not even close. It’s like a novelty idea you’re slightly curious in.
There’s some kind-of funny stuff with Scott expanding the casino’s offerings (they hire comedians and have ring-fights), but if I’m being honest, there’s nothing here that any of us couldn’t have come up with. If you and I were outlining this, we’d naturally come with the idea that someone would cheat at some point. And how should our main character deal with that? A great comedy writer either through talent or hard work, comes up with choices that the average person wouldn’t be able to think of. And I didn’t see enough of that here (although it should be noted there will be more drafts of this).
I wouldn’t say The House is a flawed concept. There’s some comedy to be had here. But there’s something about the idea that doesn’t feel creative enough. For that reason, I never got into it.
[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Consider ease-of-setup when picking your next script to write, especially if it’s a comedy, where attention spans are short. If it seems like you need to set up a ton of stuff before you get to your hook, consider that the premise isn’t worth it. I won’t say a complex setup is a script-killer. Skillful writers can weave setups in effortlessly so that they don’t seem like setups. And certain genres, like mystery, can actually make complex setups work for them. But in general, why would you take a boat when you can fly? An easy setup isn’t just easier on you. It’s easier on the viewer.
As I was combing through all the amateur scripts I read this year to come up with this list, I realized I was looking at scripts in a way I rarely do. As a distant memory. Which led to an unexpected question: What did I remember about the script? Was it amazing, terrible, strange, not bad but had potential? Or was it the word which shall never be mentioned in screenwriting circles? Was it… forgettable? In the case of half these scripts, I didn’t remember a single thing about them.
I bring this up because I want you to imagine someone coming across your script four months after they’ve read it. What would they remember? If your idea is similar to a lot of other ideas, if your characters are, for the most part, like every other character we’ve seen in films, or if you’ve given us nothing new or different, there’s a good chance your script won’t be remembered at all. To that end, I challenge you to write the “Instantly Remembered After 4 Months” script. You should either have a big idea, take lots of chances, have a really unique voice, or create an eccentric unique character.
Nearly all of my Top 10 list from yesterday falls into this category, but I’ll give you another example from a script I actually didn’t like. It was an amateur script I reviewed called Game of 72. I didn’t like it, but as soon as I saw the post, I remembered everything about it. That’s because the writer took chances and had a unique voice. The same holds true for The Libertine. Hated it. But I’ll never forget it. The point is, it’s better to write something people remember, even if they don’t like it, than something safe that people won’t remember at all. And achieving that usually comes down to taking chances.
Below are my Top 10 Amateur Reads of the year. They came from Amateur Friday, script consultations, and scripts that landed in my hands one way or another. Take note that there are no Scriptshadow 250 scripts in here. That will all be separate. Ready? Here we go!
Number 10
Title: Insatiable
Logline: When a law student’s girlfriend mysteriously vanishes from a truck stop diner, he suspects a shady trucker is to blame. But as he races to save her life, he discovers that the only thing more terrifying than her captors is the reason she was taken.
Writer: Michael Morra
I believe that one day, Michael Morra will be writing horror movies that we plop down good money for. I’ve read three of his scripts now, and they all show a technical skill way beyond the average amateur. If Insatiable has a flaw, it’s that it’s too familiar. And that may be an area where Morra wants to push himself in the future. Even so, this script starts big and doesn’t let go. For those of you who love a good creature feature, you’ll want to check Insatiable out.
Script link: Insatiable
Number 9
Title: The Runner
Logline: Back-stabbed by his employer and marooned in Mexico, a tough, drug-running pilot struggles to fly himself and the family that rescued him back to America alive.
Writer: Jeffrey Doka
The Runner feels like one of those easy-going 70s-style movies someone like Sean Penn or George Clooney would like to make. Pair one of them up with a European director who hates Taken-obsessed Hollywood and you may have yourself a movie package. I didn’t fall in love with The Runner, but both times I read it, there felt like there was something there, both in the story and the writer. I feel like a good producer could guide this into something with a little more punch, while keeping its European-style roots firmly in place.
Script link: The Runner
Number 8
Title: Damn Nation
Logline: Five years after a vampiric plague has overrun the United States, a Special Ops unit from London is sent back into the heart of the US in an attempt to find the cure.
Writer: Adam Wax (Based on the comic, “Damn Nation,” written by Andrew Cosby and illustrated by J. Alexander)
More than any other script on this list, Damn Nation screams “movie.” It helps that it’s based off some high quality illustration work by J. Alexander, but there’re more to Damn Nation than studio dollar signs. The story has some nice plot twists, and the characters feel like newer upgraded versions of their 80s and 90s inspirations. Damn Nation also happened to be one of the most controversial entries of Amateur Friday, due to some believing the script was a straight copy and paste job from the comic book. My take? If turning a comic like Damn Nation into the page turner we get here is that easy, studios wouldn’t hire writers, they’d hire typists. But I’m sure the controversy will live on!
Script link: Damn Nation
Number 7
Title: Ivy
Logline: When her older brother — a notorious NYC graffiti writer — is murdered, a teenaged fine arts student must infiltrate this underground world in order to find her brother’s killer.
Writer: Mystery Writer!
The funny thing about Ivy is it’s a movie I’d never see. But that’s when you know a script is good – when it’s keeping you invested despite the fact that you’re not interested in the genre. The target crowd here is teenagers, and Ivy builds an exciting story for that demo based around infiltrating a dangerous graffiti gang. It’s like Veronica Mars meets Save the Last Dance meets Step Up, but actually done well. If you’re a producer trying to tap into this demo, you’ll definitely want to check Ivy out.
Script link: Ivy
Number 6
Title: Time Upon a Once
Logline: A film crew follows a medieval servant as she searches for the princess who can save a cursed prince — a prince she secretly loves herself.
Writer: Angelo Campos
Don’t bother looking for this one on the site. It came to me via a consultation. Easily one of the more inventive scripts I read all year, Time Upon a Once reminded me of a cross between Enchanted and What We Do In The Shadows. What I liked most about the script is how much it turned clichés on their head (for example, instead of a princess that needed to be kissed, it was a prince). Usually mockumentary scripts turn out awful. The writer’s over-reliance on the interview cutaway becomes a death trap of “cutting to an annoyed face for the 30th time isn’t funny!” But Angelo is more interested in telling a story here, and that’s what sets this apart from the rest.
Script link: Contact Angelo at angeloxcampos@gmail.com
Number 5
Title: Wars of Eternal Spring
Logline: A rebellious-minded woman in ancient China seeks the help of Shaolin to save her village from a love-obsessed General and his bloodthirsty Captain.
Writer: Elizabeth Barilleaux
When I started today’s post, I talked about memory – what comes into your mind the moment you think of a script. With Eternal Spring it’s “beauty.” I remember, more than any other script, feeling transported to this time and place. And the reason Elizabeth was able to achieve this was because she is obsessed with every word she writes. You can tell she’s thought about how each word will affect the reader. The story itself feels like a cross between Crouching Tiger and Braveheart. The only reason this didn’t finish higher is because it’s not really my thing. Add a few jedis and then we’d be talking. But even Force-less, Eternal Spring is a force to be reckoned with.
Script link: Wars of Eternal Spring
Number 4
Title: Unlawful
Logline: A troubled detective operates outside the law when he buys an underage prostitute to perform “favors.” But when a 16-year-old girl goes missing and he must use her diary to reconstruct the events that led to her disappearance, an unimaginable truth emerges.
Writer: Carver Gray
Reviewed back in June on the site, Unlawful would later go on to make The Blood List and The Hit List. And I’m not the least bit surprised. Carver understands that if you’re going to do dark thrillers, YOU HAVE TO GO DARK. You can’t go PG-13-dark or repackage the dark from previous thrillers. Carver goes full-on with his tortured drug-abused hero and doesn’t let up until the last page. Not to mention this is a mystery that will keep you guessing. Congrats to Carver on all his success!
Script link: Unlawful
Number 3
Title: Shelby
Logline: Shelby, a 40-something woman still trying to figure out how to be an adult, heads back to her hometown where she finds herself regressing even further into her juvenile tendencies.
Writer: Beth Rigazio
I’m going to get pummeled for this but I don’t care. Rigazio has some produced credits. But they’re from so long ago that I feel like she has to hustle as hard as everyone else on this list. And I’m not sure anyone’s going to find out about this script otherwise. The reason this screenplay made the list is simple: Shelby Wood. Shelby is one of the top 5 characters I’ve read all year. You WILL NOT forget this character, I promise you. Rigazio has sort of a Diablo Cody voice going for her, but where Cody has limits, Rigazio is just getting started. Take, for example, our 45 year old female hero starting a sexual relationship with a 15 year old. I mean, it gets dark. But the thing is, you NEVER STOP LAUGHING. It’s clear that Rigazio knows Shelby inside and out, and that’s what makes this script unforgettable.
Script link: Contact Beth Rigazio at bethrigazio@gmail.com
Number 2
Title: The Only Lemon Tree on Mars
Logline: When recent, inter-global events threaten to disrupt the idyllic life on the first Mars Colony, a woman with a secret to hide must do all that she can to prevent neighbors in her small town from taking up arms against each other.
Writer: Chad Rouch
There are some scripts that stay with you. You find yourself periodically remembering them, like a good vacation or an old friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile. The Only Lemon Tree on Mars is one of those scripts for me. Maybe it’s the title, which is so original, you instantly remember the screenplay when you read it (never forget the power of a unique title!). Or maybe it’s Rouch’s deft ability to paint this struggling alien planet a billion miles away in a way we haven’t seen before. I think that’s the key. This isn’t The Martian. It’s much deeper. There’s a lot more going on. And while it’s not perfect (the ending needs to be bigger), I would love to see what happens after Rouch goes through a couple of rewrites and really irons out the wrinkles. This was the nicest Amateur Friday surprise of the year.
Script link: The Only Lemon Tree on Mars
Number 1!!!
Title: Sonata
Logline: After a genius self-destructive orchestra conductor falls from grace, he sees his way back to the top in an inner-city teenage girl with more musical talent than anyone he’s ever met.
Writer: James Thoo
Every year, Sundance celebrates one music-focused feature. I have no doubt that Sonata will one day be that feature. It’s just too darned good. James writes his main character, William Garland, as a smarter-than-everyone-in-the-room alcoholic, drug-addict, prostitute addict mess of a man who you could imagine a young Paul Newman playing. This man’s version of Trainwreck would make Amy Schumer look like Thomas the Train. So when he’s scraping the bottom of the barrel, ordering his umpteenth whiskey shot at the bar, and he hears the most beautiful soulful voice he’s ever heard outside, free-styling with some random homeless guy, you know you’re in for one hell of a ride. I’ve always been a sucker for heavily contrasting main characters, and a classically trained 40-something white orchestra conductor teaming up with a 14 year old black inner city girl is about as contrasting as you can get. I see this as the next Hustle & Flow. I absolutely loved this script.
Script link: Contact James here. jamesthoo@googlemail.com
That’s it ya’ll! I’m down for the count. See ya in the new year!!!!!
Yesterday things got ugly. But you know what the great thing about this industry is? When you pay for a movie and it sucks, you’ve earned the right to complain about it. But today, we’re going to journey to the happier side of Hollywoodland as we celebrate the films that achieved the rare feat of doing more right than wrong. And since these lists are always asterisk-ridden, I should preface this with mine. I haven’t seen The Hateful Eight (going to see it in 70mm when I get a shot). I haven’t seen Spotlight (bored to tears by the script). And I haven’t yet seen Sicario or Joy (both of which I’m dying to see). There’s a chance one or two of these would’ve made the list had I seen them. With that in mind, let’s begin!
10) The Revenant – I will never see this movie again. Actually, I don’t even know if I can call this a movie. Over time, audiences have become hip to the plot beats that dictate a story. When the score dips and the close-up comes, and the plot machinations start getting spouted – we’re very hip to how all that works. And in a way, it’s comforting, that we’re being led along so politely. But there is no moment like that in The Revenant. Every remnant of plot is stripped away to give us the impression that we’re really out here in the middle of nowhere with these men. Conversations are left dangling, characters break into random thoughts, a fucking bear could attack you at any moment. This movie is anti-structure, and it works because Innaritu is such an amazing visionary. My only complaint is that it’s too brutal, too real at times. And after awhile you start to wonder if the experience is worth it. But there’s no doubt that you’ll never forget this film as long as you live. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime movie.
9) Beasts of No Nation – “Beasts” gets my vote for “biggest surprise” of the year. I expected to be bored out of my mind with this one. It looked way more like a history lesson than a piece of entertainment. For those of you who’ve assumed the same, I challenge you to watch the first ten minutes of the film. It’s a wholly original and beautiful little sequence where a group of poor kids use a stripped-down television to put on made-up shows in an attempt to “fool” the local militia into buying the TV. I’ve never fallen in love with characters faster. Reed Hastings, the CEO of Netflix, said of “Beasts,” “This wasn’t a film that was audience tested.” And you can feel that. This is a movie where they trusted the writer and director. It gives you hope that outlets like Netflix will change the way movies are made, maybe ushering in a new killer director class who rebel against Hollywood oversight.
8) Inside Out – Pixar continues to achieve this amazing feat. They manage to build their story around heart, yet never devolve into the cheesy over-the-top after school special version of heart that is so commonly seen from everyone else. And the way they do this is by balancing the heart with darkness. You see it in Toy Story 3 (the toys are being left behind forever). You see it in Up (the first ten minutes sets up a man losing the love of his life) and you see it here in Inside Out… pretty much everywhere. Having to say goodbye to your childhood, to your imaginary friend forever? A young girl battling a mix of anger and depression. Tally that on to the most original Pixar premise to date, and there’s no question why this has become one of the best movies of the year.
7) It Follows – It Follows was this year’s number one victim of post-celebratory internet backlash. I do think It Follows starts to fall apart a bit once you begin dissecting its screenplay. Regardless of that, this is a “Best Movies of the Year” list. Not a “Best Screenplays of the Year” list. And there’s no question that director David Robert Mitchell is a true auteur. His haunting 360 degree snail’s pace pans were the perfect call for a film where anybody could’ve been the next follower. Not to mention, Mitchell could introduce a character using only music and imagery and have you feel like you’d known them your whole life. I read scripts every week that can’t establish a clear character after giving them a six page monologue. This guy is doing it with a girl wearing a cast in a backyard swimming pool. It Follows is a messy film, but it’s messy in all the right ways. A lot like The Revenant, there are no overt plot beats being dictated to the audience. Everything’s seamless and natural. And that’s what makes this film feel unlike anything else you’ve seen in 2015.
6) Steve Jobs – Boy do I get some extreme reactions on this one. One person will tell me they absolutely loved Steve Jobs. The next is threatening to find every print of the movie and dump them in the nearest volcano. Here’s the reality of the situation. Steve Jobs is a very screenwriterly-like script. It’s overtly structured. It’s dialogue heavy. The visuals of this world are non-existent so that all the focus can be on the characters. And that artificiality turned a lot of people off. But to me, I thought Michael Fassbender’s performance was amazing. He really brought Jobs to life. And I love how Sorkin found a way to infuse a personal slant to it all, with Steve’s imperfect relationship with his daughter. I thought that was genius and the key to the movie working. But this will always be one of those movies that Hollywood people go see and the average Joe is confounded by. Which I totally understand. But since I’m in the former category, I loved it.
5) The Martian – Ridley Scott, you’re my hero. This movie was both a cinematic and screenwriting feat. There were so many interesting challenges with the script (how do you keep things urgent with a 4 year timeline?) and Drew Goddard conquered them all. I also loved the rags-to-riches story of the writer, Andy Weir, who wrote the original novel and released it for free! Only to have it gain recognition on quality alone before becoming a national bestseller. How could you not root for this film to do well? The only issue I have with The Martian is one that’s come with time. Matt Damon’s performance wasn’t that memorable. I mean when you compare him to Tom Hanks in Cast Away, it’s like a minnow swimming in the shadow of a shark. And that minnow just got speared by a bearded bad-ass Tom Hanks. But he does a good enough job to sell what needs to be sold, and other than a certain awakening that involves a certain force, this is the must-see “event” movie of the year.
4) The Force Awakens – What??? Carson, you’re not making The Force Awakens number 1? I thought you looooovvvved it. Calm down, calm down. I still love this movie. But I’m not saying it doesn’t have flaws. It’s clear to anyone who watches the movie that the screenplay was written too fast, and we see the results of that. Han Solo’s been looking for his ship for 12 years and just happens to bump into it the second our characters fly it off their planet? And since when does Han Freaking Solo lose the Millennium Falcon?? But even with its flaws, The Force Awakens is, without question, the most enjoyable movie of the year. It’s just so darn fun! Let me give you an idea of how big of an impact this film has had on people. I’m a closet sports geek and I spend a little too much time listening to sports talk radio podcasts. In every one of these podcasts I’ve listened to, these big macho sports dudes have dedicated segments to reviewing Star Wars. Which have nothing to do with sports at all! And they all loved it! In a world with hundreds of channels and thousands of TV shows and billions of websites, there’s no such thing anymore as a movie that captures the entire nation’s attention. And yet The Force Awakens did it. Praise J.J.
3) Fury Road – If Force Awkaens was non-stop joy, Fury Road was non-stop awe. Who even attempts to make a film with a 100 minute car chase that contains 100 cars? George Miller, have you gone insane? Have you been around too many pigs and penguins? To me, Fury Road is the best action movie ever. Usually you can point to one cool original action sequence in a movie. Here, there are a dozen. The amount of creativity and imagination and originality and pushing the limit that went into this film is just staggering. My only issue with it is the lack of chemistry between Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron. There was something missing between those two that stripped the movie of that “personal” connection that a film like Steve Jobs was able to find. That kept this from being the number 1 film of the year.
2) Wild Tales – This was the most delightful surprise of the year. It’s so rare for me to go into a movie not knowing anything, even what language it’s in, and that movie turn out to be great. What’s so surprising about this film, which is actually a series of short films, is that each story is so good. Usually with these things, someone has a good idea for a short, and then they try to come up with several other ideas to stretch the thing out to feature-length. I dare you to watch this film and not fall in love with every single short. The first one, which occurs on an airplane where something very strange starts happening to all the passengers, is so weird and so wild, you immediately know you’re about to experience something different. And then you get the road rage short, and the poison short. It’s so good, guys. I’m wanting to talk about this but not spoil it in the process so I’ll just say, go rent this movie. It’s not just a great film, but a great study in how to use suspense and mystery in your screenplays.
1) Room – There was no question after I came out of Room that it would be my favorite film of the year. I have not seen better acting… maybe ever. There is something so real, so honest about this movie, that it isn’t a movie. It’s reality. It’s us in this room with this mother and child. The clincher for me (spoilers) was the moment the child who has never been to the outside world, must escape into the outside world and get help to save himself and his mom. Everything about it, from the decision the mom makes to potentially sacrifice her son – the only thing in this world she loves – to have a chance at escaping. To trying to explain to a 6 year old child who’s never been outdoors before what he will need to do once he’s outdoors in order to save them. To the child only knowing this little room and therefore not even wanting to escape. To the clumsy nerve-wracking edge-of-your-seat escape itself. I mean that escape is better than any action scene I saw in Mission Impossible, Furious 7, James Bond, or Star Wars. It was so raw and so infused with love and depth and complexity, it was everything that movies are supposed to make you feel. If Brie Larson doesn’t win the Oscar for her performance her, fuck movies. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the kid is in the running for an Oscar as well.
Either Tomorrow or Thursday – My Favorite Amateur Scripts of the Year!
