You may remember Trainspotting as one of those 90s movies that was changing the guard in Hollywood. Writer-directors Tarantino and Rodriquez were rewriting the rules on how stories should be told. Screenwriters like Shane Black were changing the way screenplays were written. And then this British heroin-addict flick came along and landed perfectly within that counter-Hollywood culture that many assumed would change the way films were made forever. Well, that change both happened and didn’t happen. There’s definitely more of a “do-it-yourself” attitude in today’s filmmaking community. But that brash no-holds-barred way of writing and shooting died off with the folding of most of the indie companies. It just wasn’t as easy to find money outside of the studio system anymore. So everyone started playing it safe again, and we really haven’t had a Pulp Fiction or Trainspotting for a long time. Frowney face. Based on the novel by Irving Welsh, adapted for the screen by John Hodge, and directed by Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire, 28 Days Later), Trainspotting was nominated for a screenwriting Academy Award in 1996. It’s also ranked 10th by the British Film Institute in its list of the top 100 British films of all time. It just so happens that Hodge and Boyle have reteamed for the new James Mcavoy flick, Trance, which comes out soon. There have been persistent rumors that a sequel to Trainspotting will be made, with Boyle leading the charge, but Ewan McGregor has stated he wants to protect his character, and therefore doesn’t want to make an inferior second film.

1) When you have a lot of characters to set up, create a situation/scene that allows you to show us their differences – Here we have Sick Boy, Begbie, Spud, Tommy and Renton. Instead of giving them each their own individual scenes to set them up, which would’ve taken forever, Hodge throws them all into a soccer (football) game. We see Sick Boy commit a sneaky foul and deny it. Begbie commits an obvious foul and makes no effort to deny it. Spud, the goalie, lets the ball go between his legs. Tommy kicks the ball as hard as he can. This game allows each of the characters an individual action that tells us exactly what kind of character they are.

2) Voice over tends to work better when the pace is fast – When the story’s slow, it draws attention to the voice over, which in turn sounds preachy, as if it’s trying to carry a boring story. Trainspotting has one of the best voice overs in history (“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers.”). And a big reason it works is because the story’s moving fast (we open on our characters running from the cops). It’s not that you can’t use voice over with slow material. It just seems to fit better when the pace is quick.

3) Write a story that’s opposite in pace and tone from the subject matter – One of the cool things about Trainspotting is that it’s about one of the most depressing subject matters out there – heroin addiction – and yet the story is fast and fun a lot of the time. This contrast in expected pace and actual pace gives the story an unpredictable exciting feel. I mean imagine if Trainspotting would’ve been slow-paced and focused on all the depressing moments related to heroin addiction. It probably would’ve sucked, right?

4) CONFLICT ALERT – Remember, movies do not work without conflict. You need to mine it wherever you can. Conflict between characters is a given, but not always a necessity IF you have a strong inner conflict with one of your main characters. Here, it’s addiction. That’s what Renton (Ewan McGregor) is fighting. That’s his battle throughout the movie. Without it, this movie doesn’t work.

5) Once again, use voice over to help a story in need – We saw this with Fight Club, but here it’s even more evident. The more you shun structure, the more you need voice over. The opening of this movie is guys trying to steal items to sell so they can buy dope. Then a sequence where they come off heroin. Then they try to get a job. Then they’re all hanging out, going to bars. Then they’re back on dope. 30 pages in and no story (no goal) has emerged. But it all flows pretty seamlessly because Renton’s voice over is guiding us along. Use voice-over to patch up a patchy story.

6) Talky friend movies need a theme or a unifying element – In these types of movies that don’t have much of a plot and are basically a bunch of friends hanging out, you need a unifying element – something the story can keep coming back to. Failure to do so leaves you with a bunch of friends talking, and those scripts are both boring and concept-less. The way to make these movies work is to add that BIG unifying element. Fight Club had fighting. Trainspotting has heroin (or addiction). It turns a situation that really isn’t about anything and makes it about something.

7) Give your characters personalities – I think one of the problems with writers is they’re so focused on creating character backstory, character flaws, and character relationships, that they forget to give their characters an actual personality. You technically have an “interesting” character, and yet the reader thinks all your characters are boring. So after you’ve added those elements, simply ask yourself if your character has a personality. Are they someone who people would find interesting in real life? Take Sick Boy, for example. He can’t stop talking about those damn Bond films. His obsession with them is a dominant personality trait that helps define him. A personality is what ensures your characters will be memorable.

8) In non-traditional storylines (stories without goals), try to give your characters problems – While your story won’t have the same drive as a goal-fueled story, a strong character problem will ensure that the reader will want to keep reading. Take Renton, for example. He has sex with a girl and it turns out she’s 14. She then threatens to tell the police if he doesn’t continue seeing her. The less structured your storylines are, the more in need they are of problems for your characters.

9) If you’re going to do dream sequences, make sure they’re motivated – There’s nothing more amateur than a trippy dream sequence slapped into a script. They’re often weird, random and pointless. One way to write a dream sequence that actually works is to make sure it’s motivated. That way, it’s no longer pointless. A great example of this is towards the middle of Trainspotting when Renton is coming down off his addiction. He’s locked in his childhood bedroom and has an intense dream that includes babies on the ceiling and his doctor as a cheesy game show host. The dream sequence works because it’s motivated. The character would obviously have these delusions when coming down off his addiction.

10) For better dialogue, look for a playful alternative to a predictable conversation – After a court appearance where he agrees to rehabilitation, Renton heads to his dealer’s apartment. Now this conversation could’ve gone like this: “Give me the hit of all hits.” “That’s going to cost you.” “I don’t care. I need it.” Borrrr-ing. Instead, we get this, RENTON: What’s on the menu this evening?” SWANNEY (DEALER): “Your favourite dish.” “Excellent.” “Your usual table, sir?” “Why, thank you.” “And would sir care to settle his bill in advance?” “Stick it on my tab.” “Regret to inform, sir, that your credit limit was reached and breached a long time ago.” “In that case –“ He produces twenty pounds. “Oh, hard currency, why, sir, that’ll do nicely.” Renton prepares. SWANNEY: “Would sir care for a starter? Some garlic bread perhaps?” “No, thank you. I’ll proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please.” Way more fun of a scene, right?

We don’t get to talk about the action spec much, which means today’s review is going to be an education on the matter…

Genre: Action
Premise: (from IMDB) Disgraced former Presidential guard Mike Banning finds himself trapped inside the White House in the wake of a terrorist attack; using his inside knowledge, Banning works with national security to rescue the President from his kidnappers.
About: Writers (and married couple) Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt had been writing together for over a decade before they sold their first script, Olympus Has Fallen. Rothenberger had actually won the Nicholl competition all the way back in 2002 (with a Korean war epic – total Nicholl-bait!). They struggled with numerous near misses over the next decade before signing with Gersh and Kaplan-Perrone off a script they wrote called “Cali.” The reps read through their entire body of work – 20 scripts – and said that Olympus Has Fallen was the one they wanted to go out with. However, they first spent a year revising the script, mainly updating it from its original incarnation, which was dated. The movie was then purchased by Millineum and got Aaron Eckhart and Gerard Butler and Morgan Freeman attached. Antoine Fuqua directed the film. It just came out this weekend and finished second at the box office with a 30 million dollar take.
Writers: Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt
Details: 115 pages

The reason I wanted to review Olympus Has Fallen was simple: Action. Producers want action scripts. Why? Action films have the potential to make more money than any other genre because action sells everywhere. The guy who lives in the middle of the desert in Nigeria isn’t going to turn on an action movie and go, “Wait, what’s going on? I don’t understand. Why are things blowing up?” Blowing-up is a universal language.

Artistically, I have a problem with this. It hurts to admit that the writing of a movie doesn’t matter to the guy in Spain who doesn’t understand English. As long as his action appetite is satiated with enough car chases and explosions, he’s happy. To that end, it’s appropriate to point out that the most important aspect of an action spec is the concept. If you’ve got something a little unique that we haven’t seen before that has the potential for a lot of great action scenes, your spec has a chance of getting picked up.

But here’s why that’s not all you need, despite most writers believing that’s the case. The guy in Nigeria may not be discerning of what your love interest’s backstory is. But the guy at a studio desk in Hollywood is. You see, he gets hundreds of action scripts to read. So he’s going to be weighing all of them against each other. Concept will be the biggest determinant. But he’s also looking at execution, originality, castablity, character, etc. Therefore, contrary to popular belief, quality does matter.

Mike Banning is your typical secret service agent. The guy is big. Looks former athlete’ish. Flashes that alpha male smile. Or at least, he USED TO flash a smile. Not after tonight though. While hanging with the prez at Camp David, Banning is unable to save Mrs. President from falling through the ice pond and dying a cold airless death! Banning never mentally recovers from the ordeal, and when we cut to two years later, we see that he’s now a Secret Service GROUP agent. That’s, like, the level BELOW the lead agents! Olympus has fallen? More like Banning has fallen! Right after the First Lady has fallen. Through the ice!

President Benjamin Asher doesn’t have time to dwell on dead wives though. Tensions are heating up between North and South Korea, and decisions have to be made on how the U.S. will respond. South Korea’s new president decides to come to the U.S. to personally ask the president for help, but soon finds out he’s got his own secret service issues. Once in the White House, the head of his security, a nasty little bugger named Kang, snaps his fingers and his entire team enacts a plan to take over the White House! Looks like Kang is secretly North Korean! And he’s come here to re-unite his country with his Southern brothers!

In the meantime, Banning is off on the outskirts of the city doing some menial task when he sees a bunch of explosions and stuff in the distance. So he hops in a sewer and starts the long underground trek to the White House. At some point during his smelly stroll, Kang reveals that he wants the codes to a secret defense project called “Cerberus.” Everyone in the U.S. cabinet looks at each other with bulged eyes. How does he know about Cerberus???? But that should be the least of their worries. Because it turns out Kang isn’t here to re-unite the Koreas like originally assumed. His plan is MUCH more terrifying!

Beep beep boooop.

Scriptshadow verdict computing……….

Analysis…….

Well, I’ll say this. Olympus Has Fallen is better than most amateur action scripts I’ve read. Which may sound like good news. The problem is, I rarely come across a good amateur action script. That’s because most action writers just focus on the explosions. They don’t realize that the totality of explosions equals in a movie is maybe 2 minutes long and that there needs to be this thing called a, um, STORY in between.

Olympus has a story. But besides a few nice flashes (literally) in the first half, it’s a little too standard. I’m thinking the studio must have really REALLY loved this concept (concept is BIG in action scripts! Don’t bother writing an action spec without one!), because they allowed for a bit too much in the cliché department. In my opinion, if you’re going to write an action film, you gotta give us something different here and there. And there WERE some cool moments. For example, I liked when the North Korean plane came in and set off that blinding light weapon so that nobody could shoot them down. I’ve never seen that before. And the Cerberus storyline (which amounted to taking all American nuclear missiles off-line) was slightly…..er…different-ish than many of the plans I’ve seen in these movies.

And there were a few other things that told me I was reading a professional script here. Early on, as Banning is getting ready for work, he gets a phone call from a friend, and the resulting conversation tells us some things about his character. At the same time this is happening, Banning is watching the news, where reporters are telling us about the current North/South Korean situation. In other words, the scene is achieving TWO THINGS at once – exposition about Banning and exposition about the Koreas. Amateur writers would’ve typically separated these scenes. Pros are always looking to combine scenes so that they’re doing two/three things at once.

It’s also important to make the central plan in your action movie believable. You have to ask yourself, “How would this really happen?” and go from there. The more convincing you can be, the more you’re going to pull your audience in. I see too many amateur scripts where the writers don’t even consider this and as a result the reader is taken out of the story immediately. Within the context of the movie, the plan here was pretty believable. I had some reservations about the U.S. letting a C-130 cargo plane fly up to the White House (they do stop it but not before it’s able to help enact the plan), but the stuff on the ground was sound.

The big problem with Olympus Has Fallen – and I’m kinda shocked writers with ten years of experience made this mistake – is that its main character is sooooooo boring. Or maybe “boring” isn’t the word. “Standard” may be better. I’m actually not surprised that Gerard Butler plays the role of Banning because he’s the real-world equivalent of “standard” and “boring.” Despite Banning being the hero here, he doesn’t say or do much! I mean, he’s running around in the underground tunnels and running around in the White House, but I never really felt like I knew the guy because he didn’t say anything, ever!

It’s interesting, the White House Down spec (the competing White House hijack project that’s coming out this summer) took another approach. It paired its hero with the president, allowing for conversation between the two so we could get to know him. Then, of course, Die Hard has McClane talking to the cop (via radio) down below so we could get to know him. Banning doesn’t say much because he’s got nobody to talk to, poor guy. And in a movie market where we’ve seen a million agent-types before, you’re going to need any opportunity possible to get us into the head of your agent so you can differentiate him from everyone else. Of course, this was the sale draft I read. They may have changed it in the film. But it was a real issue in the script.

So the lead-up to the White House takeover was fun. But Olympus falters due to its bland hero and cliché second half. Which leaves a lot of you asking, “Well wait, I thought this was supposed to be an example of how to do it right.” That’s the scary thing – it’s actually better than most action specs. While it may not have been original, it was very competent, and 99% of the action specs I read aren’t even that. Those professional touches like having double-duty scenes, combined with a perfect execution of the three-act structure are things I don’t see in amateur screenplays. I’m still waiting for that kick ass modern-day Die Hard spec to give today’s audiences their first action classic, but scripts like Olympus Has Fallen will have to do in the meantime.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: This is a great reminder that these are the people you’re competing against as a screenwriter – people who have been honing their craft for over a decade, people who have won the Nicholl competition 10 years ago, people who have seen and experienced every kind of writing obstacle one can encounter and figuring out how to overcome it. Chances are, if you’re not throwing everything you can into your own writing, you won’t be able to compete with these guys.

Welcome back!

This is your chance to discuss the week’s amateur scripts, offered originally in the Scriptshadow newsletter. The primary goal for this discussion is to find out which script(s) is the best candidate for a future Amateur Friday review. The secondary goal is to keep things positive in the comments with constructive criticism.

Below are the scripts up for review, along with the download links. Want to receive the scripts early? Head over to the Contact page, e-mail us, and “Opt In” to the newsletter.

Happy reading!

TITLE: Home for the Holidays
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: A conservative family man looking to move up in his law firm struggles to balance his daughter’s pregnancy, his son’s bullying, and comes to terms with college son’s surprise boyfriend over the Christmas holiday.

TITLE: Revenge Date
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: A woman wins a charity auction and a date with the guy who left her at the alter.

TITLE: Closing Costs
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: A neurotic insurance agent is caught up in an ambitious starlet’s plan to make it to the A-list.

TITLE: Release the Beast
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: A hot young Hollywood playboy, an insecure football player, a groupie loving hip-hop artist, and a jaded female pornstar all enter a 30-day sex clinic seeking help. Only to discover that copulation is not the problem, they are. And now they must break years worth of bad habits and change, or risk losing their money, marriage, and love ones.

TITLE: Orange Crush
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: Frazzled from years of bullying and humiliation, a too-school-for-cool college freshman concocts an epic week long plan to show his party side. But will the cool kids once again torment him or finally accept him?

I remember sitting in front of my computer six years ago and thinking, “What now?” I felt helpless. I felt lost. I felt blind. I’d been trying to break into this business known as “screenwriting” for years and I didn’t feel any closer now than I did when I started.

I’m sure all of you know what I’m talking about. That elusive job title known as “professional screenwriter” can seem so far away. Especially if you’re trying to break in from places like Ohio or Florida or Germany or Canada. Maybe you have a family or a job that takes up all of your time. You can only manage to write an hour a day, if you’re lucky. Heck, I remember a few weeks ago an amateur writer telling us that the only time he had to write was on his way to work on the train. So he was writing his script on his iPhone!

And yet, even though you put all that work in, even though you care so much, even though the only thing you can see yourself doing in life is writing movies that the public goes to see every weekend, the business always feels a million miles away. You’re one of hundreds of thousands of wannabe writers trying to get through the door. How do you differentiate yourself? How do you get this industry to notice you?

What’s even more frustrating is seeing these scripts that DO get writers through the door, especially some of these Black List scripts – supposedly the best scripts in town. The stories are thin. The characters are cheesy. If this is what’s needed to break through, then why haven’t YOU broken through? You begin to think the game is rigged. That the only way in is to “know someone.” And how can you know anyone? You’re in freaking Ohio! The closest thing you have to a Hollywood contact is your old gym teacher, who once was an alternate contestant on The Price Is Right.

So here’s the big question. How do you break into this exclusive club? What’s the secret? Well, I have good news for you. It’s not as impossible as it looks. The game isn’t rigged. Every producer, manager, and agent I know is DYING to find the next great script. Great scripts are what make their careers. Yeah, there are some top dogs who have their network of writers and directors who help them put together 100 million dollar movies whenever they want but those are the exceptions to the rule. Everyone else out there is desperate for an awesome script.

The first thing you gotta do is be honest with yourself. Are you in this for the long haul? If you’re not, screenwriting probably isn’t for you. Except for a handful of lucky souls, every successful writer I know has paid his dues. He’s written screenplays for at least five years. And there’s a reason it’s taken so long. Five years is the minimum amount of time it takes for writers to learn how to write a good screenplay. This craft is a lot harder than it looks. It’s a very specific type of writing that takes time to master. This is actually a good thing. That process weeds out the posers, the hucksters, the lazy wannabes, the writers who aren’t serious. It allows these guys to write a couple of bad action flicks and disappear forever. The only people who succeed here are the ones who are serious about it. Who keep writing, who keep learning, who keep reading scripts. Think about it. You’re competing against hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of people. Half-ass is never going to cut it.

Assuming you’re serious, one of the most important elements to your success is: GET YOUR SCRIPTS OUT THERE TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE. There was a time, back in the 90s, where script secrecy was an important aspect to getting your script sold. Agents liked to tease a script, build up buzz, blanket the town with it all at once, and start fielding offers within a few hours. It just doesn’t work like that anymore. We’re too connected. Information and reaction via tracking boards and private backchannel communication helps sniff out the fact that most of these scripts aren’t very good. You can’t dupe the decision-makers anymore.

This is both bad and good. Bad because less writers sell scripts, but good because scripts now sell on their merits alone. In other words, the way to sell something is to write something truly good. Now as I’ve said before, there are still ways to game the system, to get bad stuff sold. But most of those ways are only available to working screenwriters. You’re not in the system yet. You’re an unknown. And for an unknown, the only way in is if your script kicks ass. Which brings me back to my point. If you write a good script, there’s no need for secrecy. A good script WILL sell. Look at The Disciple Program. That went out and everyone in town read it. The agency then pulled it back, packaged it, went out with it two full months later, and it sold. The fact that everyone already saw it didn’t prevent its success.

But even if you’re not as lucky as Disciple Program, the truth is that 95% of writers these days break in because they write something that gets around town and that a lot of people like. That’s their way into the business. So in my opinion, you should stop focusing on that elusive spec sale and just get your script to as many people as possible! The more people who read your script and like it, the more likely it is that someone’s going to offer you a rewrite job. And as soon as that happens, you’re in the business. It may be the fringe of the business, but you’ve gotten your foot in the door, which means the next script you send out there, more people will be eager to read it, and you’ll have a better chance of selling it (or it leading to an even bigger job). Almost every one of your favorite writers had a 2-3 year period where they were writing SyFy channel movies or uncredited rewrites for movies like Halloween 12. The writing business is just like any business. You have to work your way up. So after making sure your script is good (from honest friends to writing group feedback to getting a consultant to give you their honest opinion), I’m telling you: GET IT TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE. I’ve never met a writer yet who’s found success by not letting anyone read his stuff.

Now that you’re in the right mindset, you need to come up with a plan. If you’re mindlessly writing scripts without any direction, unsure of what you’ll do once those scripts are finished, you’re not going to get anywhere. In a sense, you have to think like a producer. Not a producer of movies, but a producer of your own career. You have to gameplan, think about what you can write that will generate the most interest, think of how you’re going to market that material, how you’re going to get it in front of as many eyeballs as possible. The great thing about writing a screenplay now is that there are more avenues than ever to get your script read.

What’s the ideal plan? Well, everyone has to come up with their own approach, but if you’re asking for the plan that’s going to get you the most bang for your buck, this is what I’d suggest. Write at least two scripts in the SAME GENRE, and make sure that genre is marketable. That’s action, thriller, comedy, horror, or sci-fi. The reason you write two is because everyone wants to know what else you’ve got. If you’re lucky enough to garner someone’s interest, you don’t want to have to say to them, “Well I’m working on something that will be done in five months.” The buzz you created with that person will die and they might not even remember you after all that time. By having another script in the same genre ready to go, you’ve made yourself both professional and marketable. It’s always easier for these agents to sell a new writer if they have multiple scripts from them. Even more so if those scripts are in the same genre.

From there, blanket the industry on as many fronts as you can afford. Enter all the contests. Get your script set up on the amateur Black List website. Hire consultants who will send your material to industry contacts if they like it. Make friends in all the online screenwriting forums. Create a writer’s group (as the members of the group improve, more of them will have access to industry contacts). Cold e-mail query every mid-level manager, agent, and producer in Hollywood. I’ll say this again: NOBODY CAN BUY YOUR SCRIPT IF THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT. So you have to ask yourself, what are you going to do to make sure everybody knows about your script?

Now of course, success is always dependent on the script you’re hawking. It has to actually be GOOD. There are a lot of writers out there who have created plans like this and not found success. But when I ask those writers how many scripts they’ve written, they respond with, “This is my first script.” Or, “I’m on number 2.” I’m not saying you’re not one of those lucky geniuses who can master the craft on your second try. I’m just saying it’s sure as hell not likely. That’s why I said before: MAKE SURE YOU’RE DEDICATED TO THE CRAFT. You gotta get to that point where you can gauge the level of your own material – know what’s good and what’s bad so you don’t put anything out there that sucks. And getting to that point takes awhile.

So in summary, make sure you’re dedicated to the craft. Put your head down and write a handful of screenplays. Once you hit your stride and start understanding screenwriting and what kind of screenwriter you are (what you do best), come up with a solid plan that includes two marketable genre scripts. Then get those scripts in front of as many eyeballs as possible. The better the writer you become + the more marketable your material + the more people who see your screenplay = your best chance at success. I’m rooting for you. Now get back to writing! ☺

Is it possible we’ve dusted off a forgotten screenplay that deserves to be made? Read on to find out!

Genre: Drama
Premise: A down on his luck U.S.-Mexican border agent enlists in a scheme to help illegal aliens cross into America. But when he tries to pull out, he puts himself and his family in danger.
About: Southbound originally made the 2006 Black List. However, this is an updated draft of the script from a couple of years later that eventually snagged Matthew McCaughnehy and Eva Mendes in the lead roles. Those two have since fallen off the project, though, and Southbound is stuck in limbo. Peter Craig, the writer, wrote the original draft of The Town (which Affleck then rewrote), and has written drafts for both Top Gun 2 and Bad Boys 3. Outside of The Town, however, he has no produced credits.
Writer: Peter Craig
Details: 120 pages – July 31, 2008 draft

Edward Norton for Jack?

There was this period about 5-6 years ago where everyone and their neighbor was writing a spec about the U.S. – Mexican border. A few of these scripts made it through the production pipeline, such as Babel (in one of its stories) and Crossing Over (that dreadful thing with Harrison Ford), but nothing that really lit the world on fire.

Which is strange. On the surface, it seems like the border would be a subject matter ripe for conflict and drama. But let’s face it. Every script written about this subject matter has sucked. Why is that? I think because everyone approaches the subject from a boring angle. They don’t put enough thought into it. It’s usually a cop patrolling the border running down illegals. Throw in some drugs and they think they’ve got themselves a script. Snore.

Southbound is a little different. It looks at the border through the eyes of a man who lets cars into our country. Every time you cross, there’s a chance you’ll run into Jack Sullivan. Jack’s taken a beating in life. He’s had three tours in Iraq. He’s got a wife, a daughter. And he’s taken this job because it’s the only job he could get. He barely makes enough money to pay the bills, and the draining nature of the job is killing him.

For example, early on, Jack is presented with a mother and two children trying to get into the U.S. She claims they’re Americans. When he speaks English to the kids though, it’s clear they don’t understand him. He informs the woman she’ll have to go back. She begs him to reconsider, telling him the kids’ parents are in America. If he sends them back, they’ll be homeless, living out on the streets. He looks the kids over, knows she’s telling the truth. But Jack plays by the rules. He tells the woman tough luck and back they go.

Eventually, Jack starts seeing a beautiful Mexican woman by the name of Amanda Martinez repeatedly come through. There’s something about the way she looks at him that makes him think she wants something. And she does. Amanda approaches Jack about working with her. Those two kids he didn’t let through the other day? Deserving kids like that are trying to cross the border all the time. She has a business that specializes in this. No drugs. No gangs. Just good people in need. The proposition is simple. A grand for every one of her people he lets through. Jack is reluctant at first. But money is getting tight back at home and his relationship with his wife is dissolving as a result. He needs the dough, so he agrees.

At first everything goes swimmingly. She makes a call. Speaks code. He knows who’s coming and what they look like. He lets them through. But soon Amanda starts introducing him to the family business, and one person in particular, Ben. Ben doesn’t like Amanda, doesn’t trust her, and has different ideas for how things should work. Why stop at needy children when they could be making a lot more money on drugs?

Within weeks, Ben inserts himself as the point man in place of Amanda, and now Jack has to let in people he never agreed on. Since this wasn’t the plan, Jack tells Ben he wants out. But Ben says that’s not an option. He knows too much about the operation now. He’s in it for life. Not only that, but a huge shipment is coming through soon. Jack HAS to approve it. And that becomes the impetus for the final act. Will Jack relent and let them through? Or will he do his job? And if he does, is he willing to deal with the consequences of one of the biggest coyotes on the border putting a price on his head?

As this script pushed through its first half, I kept saying to myself, “This is pretty good.” It wasn’t great, but it was entertaining enough and the characters were deep enough and the conflict thick enough that I was turning the pages. However, I kept thinking something I figured out a long time ago. Nobody’s going to buy a drama spec unless they think they can win an Oscar with it. Because dramas that aren’t up for Oscars make ZERO MONEY. That means when you write a drama spec, you’re basically saying, “I believe I’m an Oscar-worthy screenwriter.” And while the first half of Southbound was good, I didn’t think it was Oscar-worthy.

Then came the second half. I don’t know. Something just clicked. The stakes ramped up a thousand-fold. (spoiler) When that big shipment came through and Jack decided to turn the bus in instead of let them through? That caught me off guard. I thought he’d take the easy route, let them by, and we’d get a familiar storyline where his bosses started to get suspicious. Blah blah blah.

Instead, Jack does the “right thing,” turns the bus in, and becomes a marked man as a result. All of a sudden, he can’t trust anyone. There’s a half-million dollar price tag on his head. Everyone in Mexico (and some in America) want to take him down. And I found myself thinking, “How the hell is he going to get out of this??” Before I knew it, I was in that rare script-reading department – where I no longer knew I was reading a script. I was inside a world, hoping beyond hope that this guy I knew was going to find a way out of this impossible situation.

And the good writing didn’t stop there. The relationships in Southbound were really complex. I love relationships where it isn’t clear who’s right and who’s wrong. Here, Jack and Amanda had grown distant. He was lost in his work and she had started drinking. It wasn’t either of their faults, but things had just gotten bad due to deteriorating circumstances. That grey area forces the reader to participate. They instinctively want to take sides, find out who’s right so they can avoid the same mistakes in their own lives. It keeps the reader active and thinking. That’s huge.

My only issue with the script was Jack, and it may be why this movie hasn’t been made yet. Jack is kind of wimpy most of the time. There’s a lack of confidence that’s needed for his character development, sure, but it bordered too much on weakness. I felt this character needed to be stronger. Instead of backing down to Ben, he needed to stand up to him. Don’t get me wrong. He can’t be Jason Bourne. But just make him less of a wuss. I don’t know many A-list stars who want to play wusses. And I don’t know many readers who like their protagonists to be pushovers.

Besides that though, I thought Southbound was really good. The plotting was great. Almost all of the characters were strong and memorable. The second half was awesome. Is it Oscar worthy? Not yet. But maybe with a rewrite it could be. This was definitely a surprising find.

[ ] what the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Your main character needs to either be the first or second most memorable character in your story. If not, he’s not big enough to carry the film. Obviously, you’d like him to be the MOST interesting character, but I find that in films like Pirates Of The Caribbean and Star Wars, there are characters more memorable than the protagonists (Jack Sparrow and Han Solo). So there’s a precedent for good movies with secondary characters bigger than the hero. Here, I thought there were two characters more memorable than Jack (Amanda and Ben) and that can’t be the case. Especially if you’re trying to snag an A-list star. Making Jack bigger, flashier, and less of a wimp would solve this problem, in my opinion.