A handful of Scriptshadow readers pushed me to review this screenplay. Did the Dracula origin story suck luscious grade-A blood or did it just suck?
Genre: Period/Horror
Premise: The origin story of Dracula. A young Transylvanian king named Vlad must fight off a Turkish army intent on stealing his only son and destroying his kingdom.
About: This script made it onto the 2006 Black List. There doesn’t seem to be much information out there about it other than that it was included on the Black List. I’m assuming the writers have been steadily working on assignments since, but I can’t find anything else that they have in development. I know the script is very well liked by Dracula enthusiasts.
Writers: Matt Sazama & Burk Sharpless
Details: 4/28/06 draft
I had no idea what this script was about when I picked it up, so I had no idea that it was actually a prequel to Twilight and about Robert Pattinson’s great great great great great great great great grandfather. That’s right, this script is about the ultimate vampire, Dracula himself! Or “Vlad,” as he liked to be called before the nickname stuck.
Now I’ll say this – if you’re not into Dracula – like really into Dracula – this script probably isn’t for you. But if you’re a Dracula geek, if you wear a black cape to work and impale people for fun and eat Count Dracula cereal (I only do one of these things – I’ll let you guess which one), then you’re going to be really happy. Because this script is like Dracula porn. It’s Dracula University. We find out how he got his name. We find out why he drinks blood. We find out how he learned to turn into a bat.
And then we get some sweet cameos! Like Baba Yaga. Do you know who Baba Yaga is? She’s this witch who used to eat babies for brunch. And then there’s Caligula. You know who that dude is? He used to have these wild orgies and kill anyone who got near him. His appearance here is badass, almost as memorable as the Medusa scene in the original Clash Of The Titans.
So then why didn’t I love this thing? Because, sadly, I’m not a Dracula geek. I gave it a chance though because the Scriptshadow readers said it was great. And sometimes, even if I’m not into subject matter, I can like a script based purely on the characters and the journey. Here, though, I felt like I needed a Dracula Encyclopedia to follow the journey. More on that soon. But first, let’s take a look at the plot.
It’s 1462 in the Carpathian mountains, in a little place called Transylvania. A warrior-king name Vlad presides over the town, serving as its protector, a job he must tend to often, since the nearby Turks are constantly hitting him up for tax money. Now this isn’t the Dracula you know from books and movies. This guy is nice. He actually helps people and cares about his peasants n’ stuff.
That niceness is about to be tested though, since one of the Turk Warlords comes by and tells Vlad the Turk king wants his newly-born son. Vlad doesn’t take kindly to baby-stealers, so he slashes the warlord in half and sends a message to the Turks that the Transylvanites aren’t going to be your little bitches anymore. You go Vlad!
But it turns out the Turks are the least of his worries. Someone is out there killing Turks like they were baby frogs, and it isn’t long before that someone gets his hands on Vlad too. Who is this mysterious murderer? Why Caligula of course! And Caligula lives up to his name, killing Vlad! I think. I was a little confused about that. But anyway, Vlad is now undead, so I guess he didn’t officially die, and he kills Caligula back (that sounds like a cool Bond title: “A Kill For A Kill”), adding insult to injury by drinking his blood to steal his powers. Now Vlad has super vision and super climbing ability and is a lot stronger. Only downsides are he craves human blood now and is sorta dead. So, yeah, that part sucks.
Vlad heads back to his family in Transylvania and gets ready for a major onslaught by the Turks. I never knew the Turks were so badass in the 1400s, but I guess they had a huge army. They were going to use this army to fight someone else but they’ve decided to send the whole thing to tiny little Transylvania, kill themselves some Vlad, and take his son as well.
Also, as if all of this weren’t bad enough, Vlad has to find out who’s responsible for making him this way. I thought it was Caligula but I guess it’s someone more powerful than that. The man behind the man. If he can find and defeat him, he can become alive again and live a happy life. If not, he’ll be doomed as this undead coffin-riding flying vermin forever, which is, like, so not cool.
Here’s the thing. Reading this felt like how a 14 year old girl might feel when watching Lord Of The Rings for the first time. There’s just sooooo much information being thrown at you that if you don’t have SOME prior affinity with the material, you’re going to be lost. And I was so lost. The plot summary above was about as simple as I could make it. But the actual plot was way way more complicated.
Some gypsies steal Transylvania’s money so Vlad can’t pay the Turks. He goes and kills them. The mountain next to him starts spitting out blood. A mysterious killer starts killing Turks and the Turks think it’s Vlad. So Vlad has to go find out who’s really killing the Turks so the Turks don’t kill his people. The Turks want a thousand warriors from Transylvania. Vlad says he’ll fight instead. But then they change their mind and want Vlad’s baby. Vlad finds out Caligula is killing the Turks and is killed by Caligula. And that’s just the first half!
I talk about goals a lot on this site, and to make sure your characters are always going after goals. Now you can change the goals up if you want, so your hero is going after one thing, achieving it, then going after something else, etc., etc. As long as your hero is being active, your story should move along nicely. But if there are too many goals and we’re waiting too long for the ‘BIG’ goal to emerge, we start to get impatient. And that’s how I felt here. It wasn’t until the middle of the screenplay before we learn that Vlad’s ultimate goal is to find and defeat the person who turned him this way so he can become “normal” again.
Personally, for me, it was too long of a wait. I think for others who are really into the mythology of Dracula it wouldn’t be as much of a problem because they enjoy these little side-journeys. But for someone confused half the time about which way was up, I would’ve loved more clarity and direction in the plot. I liked where it ended up, with the Turks attacking Transylvania on the mountain. That would be a hell of a battle on the big screen. I was just frustrated by how much work I had to do to get to that point. This is NOT an easy read. It is something you have to invest 100% of your concentration in to keep up with.
And that definitely weighed on me. At times it felt like boxes were being checked – get the blood-drinking thing in there, get the bat thing in there, get the wolf thing in there – that I was being taken through the mythology beat by meticulous beat, and that’s when I struggled most. The script is best when it’s sailing along and relaxing. Like that Caligula scene, where he’s slitting the hanging soldiers’ throats one by one. That was an awesome effortless scene.
And there was a lot of great imagery here. As someone who e-mailed me said: “This is a movie!” And it is! The vampire trend is probably dead for awhile now that Twilight has ended. But that still leaves the door open for quasi-vampire material that doesn’t fit into the Twilight box. And Dracula: Year Zero definitely doesn’t fit into that box.
I just wish I was more into Dracula so I could’ve enjoyed it more. What did you guys think?
[ ] Wait for the rewrite
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: The longer it takes to get to the main character goal that’s driving your screenplay, the harder it is to keep your reader interested. People want to know what your script is about fairly early. They want to know that Bruce Willis is trying to fix this little boy’s problem in The Sixth Sense. They want to know that Cobb is trying to implant a thought into this man’s mind in Inception. The sooner you rope us in with the major goal, the sooner we understand what movie we’re watching and can settle in. I just wanted to know what the goal was in “Dracula: Year Zero” much sooner. I’m not saying you CAN’T do it the other way. I’m just saying it’s a lot harder.
So I was cruising around the net last night and, lo and behold, I found myself a trailer for the next Star Trek movie, Star Trek Into Darkness. JJ continues to kick ass as this trailer basically has me clearing my schedule for the weekend of May 17th. But that’s not the important news here. The important news is, oh look, I just happen to break down JJ’s FIRST Star Trek film in my book! A perfect way to end Scriptshadow Secrets Book Release Week! To whet your appetite for the movie (and the book) check out the new trailer below.
For those hoping I’d just keep posting every single movie breakdown in the book, sadly this is where it ends. I’ve given you a peek behind the curtain, but you’ll have to pony up the price of the book for all 50 movie breakdowns (plus that amazing chapter at the beginning that tells you how to write a screenplay). I think the great thing about this book is that it’s often that ONE TIP, that ONE REALIZATION, that can change your entire approach to screenwriting, that can finally unlock all of your potential. I remember that happening when I learned about dramatic irony. With Scriptshadow Secrets, there are 500 chances of that happening. It’s like a Powerball lottery where the odds are actually IN your favor. So to me, buying this book is a no-brainer. I admit I’m a little bit biased but I really believe that! To summarize, Monday I gave you an excerpt from the first chapter of the book, breaking down screenplay structure. Tuesday I tickled your pirate bone (that sounds wrong) with Pirates of the Caribbean. Wednesday I went dark with tips from the Fargo screenplay. Yesterday I lightened things up with lessons learned from the greatest romantic comedy of all time. And today it’s all about the Star Trek.
I’m shooting for a hard copy release of December 20th so you can stuff your stockings with some Scriptshadow (that sounds wrong) but that’s assuming I hit no snags so I can’t guarantee that date. For that reason, it’s important to remember that you DON’T NEED A KINDLE OR AN IPAD to read the Scriptshadow Secrets e-book!!! Just download the free “Kindle App” here and read it right from your computer. 500 amazing screenwriting tips, folks. What are you waiting for!??
Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…
STAR TREK
Written by: Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (based on the television series by Gene Roddenberry)
Premise: A reboot of the famous franchise that takes us back to when a young Kirk and Spock first met.
About: Look who’s back! The amazing J.J.! Did you know Abrams wrote Regarding Henry, which snagged (at the time) the biggest movie star in the world, Harrison Ford? He pulled this off at the ripe old age of 24. My biggest accomplishment at 24 was learning how to do laundry. Still, when I heard Abrams was going to direct a Star Trek film, I thought, “Ehhhh, you may have gotten a little cocky there, fella.” The last four Star Trek films, in addition to being unwatchable, had grossed nine dollars and 16 cents at the box office. Even Trekkies were pissed! What could JJ possibly do to reinvigorate this dead franchise? I found out soon enough when the trailer of a young James Kirk driving his car off a cliff followed by an encounter with a robot cop lit my eyeballs on fire! I was in! It was a great lesson too, and a staple of Abrams’ success. Find a classic property/idea/genre and figure out a way to update it. All J.J. Abrams did was give Star Trek attitude, something it never had before. And VOILA, the franchise was reborn. Genius, this man is!
TIP 476 – No matter how huge your movie is, anchor it around a central relationship – Star Trek is a great big rock-em, sock-em summer blockbuster with space battles and planets exploding and time travel. All of that, however, is secondary to the relationship between Kirk and Spock. You have to focus on the relationships, guys! Trust me when I say they’re one of the most important parts of your screenplay!
TIP 477 – When you introduce a bad guy in an action movie, make sure to show us he’s bad right away – When we meet Nero, the first thing he does is plunge a spear into the Captain. That’s how you introduce a bad guy! (Don’t forget Darth Vader choking a man to death at the beginning of Star Wars as well).
TIP 478 – In action movies, take care of exposition while characters are on the move – Action films are kinetic and action-packed, so that’s where you have to deliver your exposition. When Kirk and Sulu are about to air jump down to the giant alien drill, Captain Pike is giving them the plan as they march through the ship. This is preferable to giving it while sitting down in an air-conditioned office. In fact, if there’s any scene in an action movie where your characters are sitting down and talking, there’s probably something wrong with your script.
TIP 479 – Popcorn movies live or die by their set pieces – You have to push the envelope with high concept set pieces because these are the scenes that’ll sell your movie. If they look exactly like every other action scene out there, nobody’s showing up to your film. Do something different with these big scenes! Air jumping down to a wobbly 40-mile long alien drill platform and then fighting the bad guys with swords…it’s safe to say I’ve never seen that before. Try to have three set pieces in your action flick that nobody’s seen.
TIP 480 – In an action movie, make sure your hero saves others at his own peril – This is your hero. Heroes need to be heroic, and they need to be heroic without thinking of themselves. This is why we love them! When Sulu falls off the edge of the alien drill, Kirk goes diving after him, risking his own life in the process.
TIP 481 – The bar for your script is higher than the bar for the latest Hollywood blockbuster – Star Trek escaped this fate, but a lot of big budget films have terrible screenplays. Look no further than the Transformers franchise. However, if you think the Transformers screenplays are the bar for your own scripts, think again. Those scripts are bad for a number of reasons, most of which revolve around too many cooks in the kitchen. The bar for your script is 50 times higher. It may not be fair, you may not understand why, but trust me on this: don’t use those films as the bar to beat. Write the greatest screenplay you’re capable of writing and let the rest take care of itself.
TIP 482 – Your villain can’t be bad just to be bad – A villain without a motivation is like a car without a steering wheel: Directionless. Trek’s villain, Nero, didn’t wake up one day and decide to hate the Federation. He hates them because they sat and watched his people die, doing nothing to help them. That’s why he’s waging war with the Federation.
TIP 483 – SHOW DON’T TELL ALERT – When Kirk meets Old Spock, instead of Spock giving us a long boring monologue about how he ended up here, he touches James’ head, allowing him to SEE what happened to him. Much more cinematic than gathering around the fireplace and hearing Spock tell a tale.
TIP 484 – Stop introducing new characters! Ahhhhhhh!!! – If you want to make a reader angry, introduce a LOT of characters. Readers hate lots of characters because it’s impossible to keep track of them all. If you’re writing for a pre-existing franchise, like Star Trek, where the character pool has already been established, then it’s okay. But in a spec script? I’m begging you: keep your character count as low as humanly possible.
TIP 485 – Bring characters back – Here’s a tip on how to eliminate characters. Instead of introducing yet another person, why not bring back someone from before? The dude who captures Kirk when he miraculously beams onto the Enterprise during warp speed is the same guy he fought in the opening bar scene. It means so much more to the reader because they know that guy.
TIP 486 – When characters fight, they should fight in UNIQUE STYLES that REFLECT WHO THEY ARE – Kirk fights like a street brawler. Spock’s moves are tactical and structured. This philosophy should extend to every aspect of your characters. Show them talking, walking, loving, arguing, all in their own unique way.
TIP 487 – The more intense the internal conflict, the more memorable the character – One of the reasons Spock has captured people’s imaginations for so long is that his internal struggle is so compelling: he’s constantly fighting between logic and emotion. Internal strife adds tons of weight to your characters (Michael Corleone goes through it. Luke goes through it in Empire and Jedi) so if it fits your hero and your story, make sure to include it!
I want to thank everyone for their thoughts on 300 Years yesterday. One of the great things I’ve learned through Scriptshadow is how important it is to listen to feedback, and you guys all had a lot of great feedback. I’m sure Peter’s going to be addressing a lot of these problems in the next draft. And maybe I’ll actually officially review the script in the new year.
In the meantime, Book Release Week continues! Yesterday I gave you advice from the masterpiece that is the Fargo screenplay. Tuesday I gave you some gangbusters tips from Pirates of the Caribbean. And let’s not forget Monday, where I dropped a snippet from the first chapter of the book dealing with structure. Those first few chapters may be the secret sauce of the book, as they go into unlimited “pre-tips” dealing with dialogue, character, stakes, obstacles, theme, subtext, as well as everyone’s biggest fear – the dreaded second act. So if you haven’t picked up the book already, you better be broke, homeless or both. I’ll let these excuses slide for awhile, but not for long! :)
People also keep asking when the book is going to be available in hard copy (soft cover). This should happen within the next 2-5 weeks. I’m going to try and get it up by the end of the year but that’ll be pushing it. The truth is, you shouldn’t wait that long. Even if you don’t have a kindle, you can download the free “Kindle App” here and read it right from your computer – no Kindle or Ipad required! So, read some kick-ass tips from the greatest romantic comedy of all time today, then go buy the book where you get 49 other movies and 490 other tips to take your screenwriting to the next level.
Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Written by: Nora Ephron
Premise: A story that follows the unique friendship of Harry and Sally, two New Yorkers blind to the fact that they’re meant for each other.
About: When Harry Met Sally may be the greatest romantic comedy ever written, but it’s also the Pulp Fiction of its genre. While the average fan thinks this is a standard rom-com, it’s actually anything but. Dramatic structure is thrown out the window. Story takes a back seat to non-stop dialogue. The characters, in particular Harry, spend half the movie dishing out observational monologues. You could argue that When Harry Met Sally is basically one long Seinfeld episode. Yet, while most movies would buckle under a paper-thin story, When Harry Met Sally thrives. The main reason for this is that the dialogue is amazing. It’s a reminder that no matter how many rules you break, if you can do one thing perfectly, it can cover up a lot of problems.
TIP 379 – The Romantic Comedy Equation – All Romantic Comedies scripts should pass one simple test: “We love the guy. We love the girl. We want them to be together.” As long as you have that going for you, it’s hard to mess up a rom-com.
TIP 380 – A ticking time bomb isn’t necessary, just recommended – When Harry Met Sally is proof that not every story needs a ticking time bomb. I prefer them because they create urgency, and urgency ups the stakes, which ups the conflict, which ups the drama. And drama is the backbone of entertainment! So then why does When Harry Met Sally work without one? Well, in my opinion, it’s because the dialogue and main characters are the best EVER in their genre. If that wasn’t the case, I promise you the lack of urgency would’ve been a much bigger issue. So ditch urgency if you want, but only if you plan on the rest of your screenplay being perfect.
TIP 381 – The bait and switch – This scene almost always works. Convince the audience that they know where the scene is going, then pull the rug out from under them at the last second. There’s a scene early on where Sally, whose new boyfriend drops her off at the airport, spots Harry, whom she hasn’t seen since their drive to New York. The two spot each other and we’re thinking, “Oh man, they recognize each other! What’s going to happen now??” Harry finally comes over. Sally looks agonizingly nervous. BUT, instead of addressing Sally, Harry turns to and addresses the boyfriend. It turns out they know each other. The old bait and switch is a surefire way to charm a reader.
TIP 382 – LIKABILITY ALERT – Harry is kind of a jerk. He sleeps with a bunch of women, he’s arrogant, and he’s inappropriate. So it’s important we give him a strong likability moment. At the Giants game, Harry is devastated after learning that his wife has been sleeping with another man and never loved him. Getting dumped is ALWAYS going to create sympathy from the audience because everybody can relate to how awful it feels to be left by someone they care about (kick the owner!).
TIP 383 – Quirks help distinguish a character – In rom-coms, you need little quirky traits that annunciate a character’s personality. One of the reasons Sally is the most memorable romantic comedy character ever is because of how she orders food, addressing every single mundane detail. If she doesn’t have that quirk, she loses a big part of her character. Do your romantic comedy characters have any quirks?
TIP 384 – POWER TIP – Look for dialogue scenes that conflict with your characters’ surroundings – This is one of the best ways to make a dialogue scene pop. Harry tells his best friend the depressing story of his wife leaving him…at a Giants game! This occurs amongst 60,000 happy, cheering fans. The contrast between the setting and the story is what makes the scene so great. We see this contrast again later, but flipped around, when Sally has an orgasm inside a restaurant. Then we see it a third time when Harry meets his ex-wife while singing karaoke at The Sharper Image store.
TIP 385 – Going against character for a laugh – You can pull this off once per script, but that’s it. The reason the famous Sally orgasm scene is so memorable is because we’d never expect it from the uptight Sally. This scene wouldn’t be nearly as funny if, say, Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind did it, because we’d expect it from her. So go against character for a big laugh, but only do it once. If you do it more than that, people start getting confused.
TIP 386 – If you have your characters running to the airport in the climax of your romantic comedy, do me a favor and join them, then never come back to screenwriting again – A lot of romantic comedies get stuck with this ending because it’s an easy place to end the story, with someone leaving. To avoid this problem, set up an important location for your characters earlier in the script. This will allow you to end your movie in the location of your choosing. It’s established several times in When Harry Met Sally that these two get together at New Year’s Eve parties. Therefore, at the end of the film, it’s fitting that he runs to her at a New Year’s Eve party.
TIP 387 – Avoid saying “I love you” in romantic comedies if at all possible – The words “I love you” in movies are the equivalent of saying “Ca ca poo poo.” They have no meaning whatsoever because they’ve been said a billion times before. Instead, look for clever ways your characters can say the words without really saying them. In When Harry Met Sally, Sally says, “I hate you,” in the final scene, even though we know she means the opposite.
TIP 388 – Eavesdroppable – A good way to measure the quality of your dialogue is to pretend you’re a third party standing near your characters while they talk. Is what they’re saying interesting enough that you’d want to keep eavesdropping? If the answer is no, the dialogue probably isn’t very good. Make your dialogue eavesdroppable.
TIP 389 – Dialogue kicks ass when you come in late and leave early – One of the reasons the dialogue is so good in this movie is that in every single scene, we come into the scene late and leave the scene early. When you do this, you avoid giving us the unimportant parts of the conversation. A great example is the Giants game I mentioned above. We come in right when Harry’s friend asks Harry about the divorce. We don’t start back in the parking lot or while they were getting drinks. We start RIGHT WHEN the most interesting part of their conversation begins. And guess what? The scene ENDS as soon as that topic of conversation is over. We don’t listen to them continue chatting about the greatest football teams of all time. Once they’re done talking about Harry’s divorce, the scene is done.
Oh MAN! What a tease. Today I was supposed to review 300 Years. However, I’ve been receiving some predictable backlash for doing so, with people claiming that I’m stacking the deck and trying to get it onto the Black List with a glowing review. And that I can’t be objective since I’m a producer on it, even though the reason I became a producer on it was that I read it and loved it. Anyway, I’m going to postpone the review until the new year, some time after the Black List is released, and we’ll travel 300 Years into the future then. Feel free to still discuss it in the comments, since I know a lot of you have read it, and I’ll join in when I can.
The good news is, I’m posting MORE GREAT ADVICE with another chapter from the book. Yesterday I gave you tips from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Today, I’m giving you a screenwriting Academy award winner with the Coen Brothers’ “Fargo,” one of the best written scripts of all time. What I liked about this script was that it bucked a lot of conventional rules and still worked. As I discuss in the book, you need to break a few rules in every script you write in order to make it stand out. If you like this breakdown, remember there are FORTY-NINE other movies broken down just like this one. And while it’s only available in e-book at the moment, you can download the free “Kindle App” here so you can read it right from your computer – no Kindle or Ipad required! So, read today’s excerpt and then go buy the book!
Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…
FARGO
Written by: Joel and Ethan Cohen
Premise: When a sleazy car salesman has his own wife kidnapped in order to extort her rich father, the plan backfires in every way possible.
About: Fargo is allegedly based on a true story. When you base your screenplay on a true story (or make that claim), you have what I call the “this really happened” advantage. If you go off on a random tangent, the audience goes with you. If something’s too coincidental, the audience still goes with you. They assume that no matter how unconventional or unstructured the story, it’s okay because “this is how it really happened.” Try to pull the same thing off in a fictional piece and audiences start crying foul because, “it would never happen that way in real life!” It’s a strange dichotomy, but true. I think that’s why Fargo is such an interesting screenplay. It makes some really strange choices (our protagonist, Marge, doesn’t arrive until page 30!) and yet you just kind of go with it because “that’s how it really happened.” Despite these weird choices, there are still LOTS of nuts and bolts storytelling lessons to learn from this Oscar-winning script. The Coens may be nuts, but boy do they know how to write!
TIP 179 – POWER TIP – Desperate characters are always fascinating because desperate people HAVE TO ACT. They HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. If they stand still, they’re dead. Jerry Lundegaard is in so much debt, has stolen so many cars, owes so much money, that he HAS TO ACT. And that desperation is what leads to every cool moment in the film. Nothing can happen without Jerry’s desperation. So if you want excitement, make your character desperate.
TIP 180 – URGENCY ALERT – Here, the urgency comes from Marge investigating the case. She’s closing in on Jerry, which squeezes him into accelerating the plan. The Coens use people chasing their protagonists in almost all of their movies, which is why their movies always seem to move so well.
TIP 181 – For some great conflict, place your characters in an environment that is their opposite – So, if you’ve written a vegetarian character, you don’t want her big scene to happen at Vegan Hut. You want it to happen at a butcher shop! Conflict emerges naturally from these scenarios. In Fargo’s opening scene, the buttoned up Jerry Lundegaard walks into a seedy dive bar. It’s the last place he’d go, which is why it’s a perfect place to put him.
TIP 182 – The Pre-Agitator – A great way to ignite a scene is to inject it with conflict before it starts. So in the opening scene of Fargo, Jerry meets with Carl and Gaear to discuss the details of kidnapping his wife. Before Jerry can say a word, Carl points out that he was supposed to be here at “seven-fucking-thirty.” No, Jerry insists, Shep set it up for “eight-thirty.” Carl shoots back that they were told seven-thirty. Before we’ve even gotten to the meeting, there’s a cloud of conflict and frustration in the air due to our bad guys having had to wait an hour. Had the scene not begun with this misunderstanding, it wouldn’t have been nearly as good.
TIP 183 – DRAMATIC IRONY ALERT – In the above scene, we learn that Jerry’s going to have his wife kidnapped and demand ransom from her father. Note the scene that follows. Jerry gets home to find both his wife and her father there, the very people he’s deceiving. What would’ve been an average dinner scene becomes thick with subtext because WE KNOW (dramatic irony) what Jerry’s planning to do to these two.
TIP 184 – CONFLICT ALERT – The relationships in this movie are packed with conflict. Jerry isn’t close with his wife. Jerry’s son doesn’t respect Jerry. Jerry’s father-in-law doesn’t like Jerry. Jerry doesn’t like him either. Carl (Steve Buschemi) doesn’t like his partner. Gaear doesn’t like him either. Even the lesser relationships have conflict, such as Shep not liking Jerry or Jerry getting into it with customers. The only one who doesn’t have any conflict in her life is Marge, which is probably why she comes off as such a hero.
TIP 185 – SCENE-AGITATOR – When Jerry comes in to his father-in-law’s office to pitch his parking lot plan, the father-in-law and his right-hand man have set up the office so that there’s nowhere for Jerry to sit during the meeting. This forces Jerry to squat awkwardly on a sideways chair, throwing off his game just enough to affect his pitch. A small but brilliant scene-agitator!
TIP 186 – What would the Coens do? – If you have a scene or section of your script that feels boring, I’m going to give you a great tip. Ask yourself, “What would the Coens do?” The Coens rarely make an obvious choice. They treat clichés like cancer, and so should you. Let me give you an example: after Jerry comes home and “learns” his wife has been kidnapped, he calls his father-in-law to tell him. I want you to think about how you’d write this scene. I’ll give you a second. Finished? Okay, here’s why the Coens are different: We’re in another room, listening to Jerry call Wade (the father-in-law): “…Wade, it’s Jerry, I – We gotta talk, Wade, it’s terrible…” Then we inexplicably hear him start over again, “Yah, Wade, I – it’s Jerry, I…” It’s only once we dolly into the room that we realize Jerry is practicing. He hasn’t called Wade yet. At the end of the scene, Jerry picks up the phone, calls Wade, and we cut to black. We never hear the actual call. That’s a non-cliché scene if there ever was one and it’s the reason you need to start asking yourself this question when you run into trouble: “What would the Coens do?”
TIP 187 – Hit your hero from all sides – The more directions you attack your hero from, the more entertaining his journey will be. Take note of all the sides pushing in on Jerry here. The father-in-law wants in on the negotiations with the kidnappers (who can’t be involved because Jerry’s lied to them about the amount of money he’s demanding). The kidnappers themselves are demanding more money. The car manufacturer is demanding VIN numbers on the cars Jerry’s illegally sold. Marge is bugging Jerry about missing cars on his lot. When you bombard your character from all sides, you create LOTS OF DRAMA. And when you have lots of drama, scenes tend to write themselves.
TIP 188 – The most basic tool to make a scene interesting – The easiest way to make a scene interesting is to have two people want different things out of the scene. This creates conflict, which leads to drama, which leads to entertainment. In one of the more notorious (and talked about) scenes in Fargo, Marge meets up with her old high school friend, Mike Yanagita. In the scene, his goal is to hook up with Marge. Marge’s goal, on the other hand, is to reconnect with an old friend. This is why, even though the scene is arguably the least important in the film, it’s still entertaining, because both people in the scene want something completely different.
SCRIPTSHADOW BOOK RELEASE WEEK CONTINUES!!! If you haven’t purchased the book yet, what is wrong with you?? What? You say you don’t have a Kindle or an Ipad to read the ebook on? No problem! Just download the Kindle App and you can read it right there on your computer or phone. Writers have been keeping the book open on one half of their screens with their script open on the other and going to Scriptshadow Secrets whenever they run into trouble. They read through a few movies, get some ideas, then jump right back into their script. Best strategy ever? I think so.
Yesterday I gave you a peek at the “How To Write A Screenplay” chapter. Today, I’m going to give you a look at one of the movies I break down, “Pirates of the Caribbean.” If you like this, remember, there are FORTY-NINE other movies broken down just like this one. A cornucopia of tips/lessons/secrets packed into the greatest screenwriting book ever written. Okay, so there might be some hyperbole there and I’m a little biased. But what I DO KNOW, without question, is that this book will make you a better screenwriter. That much I can assure you. So, read today’s excerpt and then go buy the book!
Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…
THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
Written by: Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio (based on a story by Elliot & Rossio and Stuart Beattie and Jay Wolpert)
Premise: A young blacksmith must team with an infamous pirate, “Captain Jack Sparrow,” to save the love of his life, who’s being held by a band of undead pirates.
About: What’s interesting about this film is that during its development stages it was considered anything but a guaranteed hit. The last half-dozen pirate films had plunged to the ocean floor faster than the Titanic, and pretty much anyone writing a pirate spec was labeled a lunatic. Well, that is until the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise made over three billion dollars at the box office. This taught me that there’s no such thing as a “dead genre.” It might be dormant. It might be in a slump. But nothing’s ever completely dead. So if you want to break out with a big hit, look to resuscitate dormant genres and sub-genres. For example, it’s been awhile since Frankenstein was updated. It’s been awhile since a good submarine flick has come out. The trick is figuring out when these genres are ripe for a comeback.
TIP 68 – LIKABILITY ALERT – Jack Sparrow is selfish, conniving and untrustworthy. Therefore he needs a big “likable” moment so that we root for him. To achieve this, the writers go with the tried and true “save someone’s life” scene. But here’s why they’re making a million bucks and you’re not (yet). It wasn’t just anyone Jack was saving. It was someone we knew and adored – Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightly). The added weight of saving a pre-established character (who we liked) guaranteed we’d like Jack. Had it been some nameless damsel in distress, we probably wouldn’t have found the moment that powerful.
TIP 69 – LIKABILITY ALERT 2 – Have the bad guys condemn your hero for a good deed – This is such a great way to get us to love a character. We’ve just watched Jack Sparrow save someone’s life. And how is he rewarded? By being told he’ll be hanged! That’s not fair! An audience will always root for people who get screwed. Cameron used this exact same device in Titanic. Jack saves Rose from falling off the boat, then nearly gets arrested for it. We see it in Jerry Maguire as well. Jerry tries to change his company for the better with a mission statement. As a result, he gets fired.
TIP 70 – The power of the MacGuffin – In any big adventure movie, it’s great to have something that everybody wants, a “MacGuffin.” If there’s something everybody wants, then all of your characters will be active in pursuing it. Here, it’s the gold coin. In Star Wars, it’s R2-D2 (who’s carrying the stolen Death Star plans). In Raiders Of The Lost Ark, it’s the Ark. Remember, action-adventure films need a lot of action and adventure and an easy way to achieve this is to have everybody chasing a MacGuffin.
TIP 71 – Nobody answers questions the same way – An easy way to improve your dialogue is to make sure each character has their own vocabulary and unique way of speaking. For example, when our villain asks Jack Sparrow if he’s made himself clear, Jack doesn’t say, “Yes.” He says, “Inescapably.” Ask Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys the same question and he might have said, “Fuck you!” To get the hang of this, ask your five biggest characters a question (i.e. ”How are you feeling today?”). Each character should answer differently.
TIP 72 – The essence of a character description – Although it’s not required, I find that some of the best character descriptions ignore physical traits and focus instead on the character’s essence. For example, Norrington (the man who wants to marry Elizabeth) is described as “Royal Navy to the core.” Another character is described as “born old.” Notice that these descriptions don’t detail any physical traits (i.e. “wrinkled forehead and tired eyes”), yet we still have a great visual of them.
TIP 73 – MIDPOINT SHIFT – Pirates has a great and memorable midpoint shift. We learn that all the pirates are ghosts!
TIP 74 – Use underlining in screenwriting like you would a close-up in a movie – Underlining in scripts is used to tell the reader that this here is important, so remember it for later. Keep in mind that readers read fast, oftentimes skimming through action paragraphs. So if you have something important you don’t want them to miss, it’s a good idea to underline it. On page 41, we see this underlined: “Where they enter the moonlight, Koehler’s wrist and hand are skeletal.” It’s an important detail, hence the underline. Just remember to use underlining sparingly or else it loses its effect. It’s only used about five times in Pirates.
TIP 75 – POWER TIP – Are your characters “dialogue-friendly?” – Try as you may, try as you might, you’re always limited to the vocabulary and personality of the characters you’ve created. Will (Orlando Bloom) is never going to say anything that interesting. He’s not that kind of character. Jack, on the other hand, has something interesting/funny/witty/weird to say every time he opens his mouth. That’s why almost all dialogue scenes with Jack jump off the page. He’s “dialogue friendly.” If the dialogue in your script sucks, you may want to see if you have enough “dialogue-friendly” characters.
TIP 76 – Replace your cliché character trait with an unexpected character trait – Whenever you create a character, try to give him at least one trait that goes against what you’d normally expect from that character. Jack Sparrow, for example, is a pirate. We have many preconceived notions about pirates. They’re mean. They’re nasty. They’re rude. Jack, on the other hand, is bumbling, goofy, and awkward. That’s so…not pirate-y, which is why it’s so genius. It makes Jack’s character unique. This is one of the quickest ways to create a memorable character, so use it often!
TIP 77 – “A character who wants something badly and is having trouble getting it.” – If your story ever gets boring, if it’s ever in need of a seeing eye dog, go back to the above mantra. Take a look at Pirates. That credo is what makes the entire movie work. Jack Sparrow comes to town to get a boat but he has trouble getting it. Jack and Will try to save Elizabeth, but they have trouble saving her. The pirates attempt to end the curse, but they have trouble ending it. If you don’t have characters that want something badly, but are having trouble getting it, you probably don’t have a movie.
TIP 78 – If a character doesn’t have a flaw, give him something from his past he’s trying to resolve – Not every major character has a fatal flaw, but every major character should have something they’re trying to resolve before the story is over. An unresolved issue from one’s past is a nice substitute for a fatal flaw. Here, Will must come to terms with the fact that his father was a member of the very people he despises the most: pirates.
