One more quick thing regarding the book. There seems to be a misunderstanding regarding the offer I put out in my newsletter, with people believing that I was offering scripts for positive reviews. This wasn’t the case. I did incentivize readers who read the book to give Amazon reviews for two “mystery” screenplays, but I never told anyone to give a positive review. In fact, quite the opposite. This is what I said (caps were included): “I DO NOT WANT YOU TO LIE in your review! Be honest, please. That’s important to me. I’m just aiming for 300 Amazon reviews, good, bad, or indifferent, and I know you guys can get me there.” I hope that clears things up and thank you to everyone who tried to make this clear to those who had the wrong information. Onwards and upwards! :)
Hey everyone. For those of you who read about an offer from me to send you screenplays in return for posting a review of my book on Amazon.com, I need you to know that I can’t provide that exchange. Feel free to read my book and review it, but not with the expectation that I will be sending you any screenplays in return. Thank you so much for understanding.
This project is bursting with backstory to the point where you don’t know what to focus on. Maybe we’ll start here: Is “What Makes Sammy Run” the next Citizen Kane?
Genre: Comedy-Drama
Premise: In the 1930s, energizer-bunny producer Sammy Glick became one of the biggest producers in Hollywood. But even with all his success, he still had one thing missing – someone to understand him.
About: This one has an interesting backstory. The script is based on a 1940s novel by Budd Schulberg, who happened to be the screenwriter for 1954’s Oscar-winning screenplay, “On the Waterfront.” Now this is just hearsay, but the rumor is that Steven Spielberg acquired “Sammy” to make sure it never got turned into a movie because of its blatant racism towards Jews. Still, Ben Stiller became attached to star somehow and wrote the script with Jerry Stahl, the guy Stiller portrayed in the cult favorite, Permanent Midnight, which Stahl wrote. That was about Stahl’s $6000 a week heroin habit while he was a writer on NBC’s, “Alf.” This looks to be the final draft they turned into the studio, but for whatever reason, it never got made.
Writers: Ben Stiller & Jerry Stahl (based on the book by Budd Schulberg)
Details 3rd Draft (April 1st, 1998)
I don’t know what I expected when I opened this script. Actually, I do. I figured it was going to be some piece of trash that Stiller and Stahl belted out between projects. Not because I didn’t have faith in the two. From what little I know of their writing, both these guys are competent. But I figured, if it was forgotten, there was a probably a reason for that. The script wasn’t any good.
And that’s exactly how the script started. It was a mess! I know Stahl had a very public substance abuse problem and my guess is that most of that abuse took place during these first ten pages. We start in the 30s, flash-forward to the 90s, go back to the 30s, then flash back WITHIN the 30s. Oh, and not too long after, we find ourselves in 1965! What the hell??
However, once the story finds its bearings, it turns into this tragic strangely moving tale of a really lonely man. In fact, one might even compare it to Citizen Kane, which it seems the two writers (and author) were strongly influenced by. I’m not going to say anything crazy, like it’s as good as Citizen Kane. But it’s hard to read this and not be reminded of that film. So what’s it about?
Sammy Glick.
It’s New York, the 1930s. Radio was still cool. This is where we find producer/writer Sammy Glick. Sammy writes radio plays. Actually, he has his secretary ghost-write them for him. Sammy doesn’t need to write. Not when he has the gift of gab. And boy does he have that gift.
As we see early, this nobody 20-something radio writer cold-calls the biggest agent in LA and tells him he’s gotta a hot script for him. The writer of that script, a naïve young man named Julian Blumberg, is excited that someone – anyone – likes his screenplay, so he’s more than thrilled to have Sammy pitching it for him.
But Sammy’s plans aren’t exactly on the up-and-up, as his co-worker Al Manheim notices. Al is the opposite of Sammy. He’s a slow-talker. He stumbles over his words. He’s uncomfortable in social situations. If you would’ve put Al on the phone with that agent, he would’ve hyperventilated his way into a coma.
But Al, unlike Sammy, is actually a talented writer. Which is why it’s so ironic that Sammy’s the one jumping up the ranks. In fact, it isn’t long before Sammy moves out to California and starts producing movies. Nothing big. Not yet at least. But he’s starting to be a player. All because he can sell ice cubes in Alaska. He’s the stereotype slimy no-talent producer who makes everyone else do the work, then takes the credit in the end.
And that’s exactly what he does to poor Julian Blumberg. He steals his script and slaps his own name on it. The film is a hit and pretty soon Sammy is practically running a studio. In the meantime, poor Al, the guy who does things “right,” gets spit out of Hollywood faster than an A-cup porn actress, and resorts to drinking himself to sleep every night back in New York.
But all isn’t so bad for Al. Through Sammy, he meets the beautiful Kit, another talented writer, and she becomes his muse, inspiring him to write again. You may be able to figure out the rest for yourself, but in the end, it’s Al who finds his way to happiness and Sammy who realizes that while he has all of Hollywood in the palm of his hand, he hasn’t got a single friend to share it with.
Let’s jump right into it. Structurally, “Sammy” is messy. After the confusing time-jumping opening I mentioned above, we settle into some sort of rhythm, but this isn’t your typical screenplay with character goals and shit. It’s a tragedy. Which means we’re going to see our hero rise up. And then we’re going to see him fall. See that’s what you have to remember. In “happy” movies, the main character always overcomes his flaw. He changes. But in a tragedy, the flaw is never overcome, and ultimately does our character in.
Sammy’s flaw is that he only thinks of himself. He cheats and lies in order to get what he wants, regardless of who it hurts. Since he never learns to change this part of himself, he of course ends up sad and alone. Tragic indeed!
Hold up though. Let’s get back to those opening pages. How can they be such a mess and the writers get away with it? Not only are we needlessly jumping all over the place, Stiller and Stahl don’t do a very good job explaining who the characters are or what they do (I didn’t know if Al was a critic, an author, or a radio writer. At certain points he was all three). Well, they get to do this because they’re working with the producers. They’re hashing things out between drafts, explaining to them what they’re going to do next. Because of this, the producers have some context when they read the pages. You’re not talking to any producers as an unknown spec writer. So they don’t have that context. Which means you gotta be a lot clearer. Unfair? Yes. But that’s the way it is.
Another thing you gotta be clear about is your female lead. What almost never fails in signifying a good script is when a male writer cares about his female lead – actually takes the time to make her three-dimensional. Because nine times out of ten, a male writer won’t bother figuring out their female lead other than that she’s hot and maybe had a bad childhood. Here, Kit is a fully-formed character with her own goals (she’s trying to start a writer’s guild in Hollywood) and her own agenda.
But it didn’t stop there. The writers actually weaved this development into the storyline in an interesting way. As Al and Kit started to fall in love, Hollywood turns on Kit since she’s trying to form something that’s going to make all the rich guys less rich. Al finds that his opportunity for success may ride on whether he leaves Kit or not. And I found that a really compelling plot development! It just goes to show that when you take the time to make ALL of your characters interesting, you open up a lot more story options.
I started this one trying to keep my eyes open and ended it rubbing the tears out of those eyes. “Sammy” is a complex tale with an unorthodox structure that somehow comes together in the oddest way. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.
[ ] Wait for the rewrite
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Transitions. High or low priority? I remember a writer once said to me that the most important thing about a screenplay are the transitions. You had to cleverly or seamlessly cut from one scene to the next. I didn’t know much about screenwriting at the time, but that seemed…I don’t know…dumb. I bring this up because Stiller and Stahl spend an inordinate amount of effort on the transitions. For example, we’ll cut from the loud obnoxious blowing of one’s nose to the loud obnoxious engines of a DC3. Look, that stuff is fun but it’s like number 300 on the priority list of things that need to work in a screenplay. Focus on a compelling story, great characters, sharp dialogue, high stakes, snappy pacing, etc., before you worry about how to dissolve from one scene to the next.
A handful of Scriptshadow readers pushed me to review this screenplay. Did the Dracula origin story suck luscious grade-A blood or did it just suck?
Genre: Period/Horror
Premise: The origin story of Dracula. A young Transylvanian king named Vlad must fight off a Turkish army intent on stealing his only son and destroying his kingdom.
About: This script made it onto the 2006 Black List. There doesn’t seem to be much information out there about it other than that it was included on the Black List. I’m assuming the writers have been steadily working on assignments since, but I can’t find anything else that they have in development. I know the script is very well liked by Dracula enthusiasts.
Writers: Matt Sazama & Burk Sharpless
Details: 4/28/06 draft
I had no idea what this script was about when I picked it up, so I had no idea that it was actually a prequel to Twilight and about Robert Pattinson’s great great great great great great great great grandfather. That’s right, this script is about the ultimate vampire, Dracula himself! Or “Vlad,” as he liked to be called before the nickname stuck.
Now I’ll say this – if you’re not into Dracula – like really into Dracula – this script probably isn’t for you. But if you’re a Dracula geek, if you wear a black cape to work and impale people for fun and eat Count Dracula cereal (I only do one of these things – I’ll let you guess which one), then you’re going to be really happy. Because this script is like Dracula porn. It’s Dracula University. We find out how he got his name. We find out why he drinks blood. We find out how he learned to turn into a bat.
And then we get some sweet cameos! Like Baba Yaga. Do you know who Baba Yaga is? She’s this witch who used to eat babies for brunch. And then there’s Caligula. You know who that dude is? He used to have these wild orgies and kill anyone who got near him. His appearance here is badass, almost as memorable as the Medusa scene in the original Clash Of The Titans.
So then why didn’t I love this thing? Because, sadly, I’m not a Dracula geek. I gave it a chance though because the Scriptshadow readers said it was great. And sometimes, even if I’m not into subject matter, I can like a script based purely on the characters and the journey. Here, though, I felt like I needed a Dracula Encyclopedia to follow the journey. More on that soon. But first, let’s take a look at the plot.
It’s 1462 in the Carpathian mountains, in a little place called Transylvania. A warrior-king name Vlad presides over the town, serving as its protector, a job he must tend to often, since the nearby Turks are constantly hitting him up for tax money. Now this isn’t the Dracula you know from books and movies. This guy is nice. He actually helps people and cares about his peasants n’ stuff.
That niceness is about to be tested though, since one of the Turk Warlords comes by and tells Vlad the Turk king wants his newly-born son. Vlad doesn’t take kindly to baby-stealers, so he slashes the warlord in half and sends a message to the Turks that the Transylvanites aren’t going to be your little bitches anymore. You go Vlad!
But it turns out the Turks are the least of his worries. Someone is out there killing Turks like they were baby frogs, and it isn’t long before that someone gets his hands on Vlad too. Who is this mysterious murderer? Why Caligula of course! And Caligula lives up to his name, killing Vlad! I think. I was a little confused about that. But anyway, Vlad is now undead, so I guess he didn’t officially die, and he kills Caligula back (that sounds like a cool Bond title: “A Kill For A Kill”), adding insult to injury by drinking his blood to steal his powers. Now Vlad has super vision and super climbing ability and is a lot stronger. Only downsides are he craves human blood now and is sorta dead. So, yeah, that part sucks.
Vlad heads back to his family in Transylvania and gets ready for a major onslaught by the Turks. I never knew the Turks were so badass in the 1400s, but I guess they had a huge army. They were going to use this army to fight someone else but they’ve decided to send the whole thing to tiny little Transylvania, kill themselves some Vlad, and take his son as well.
Also, as if all of this weren’t bad enough, Vlad has to find out who’s responsible for making him this way. I thought it was Caligula but I guess it’s someone more powerful than that. The man behind the man. If he can find and defeat him, he can become alive again and live a happy life. If not, he’ll be doomed as this undead coffin-riding flying vermin forever, which is, like, so not cool.
Here’s the thing. Reading this felt like how a 14 year old girl might feel when watching Lord Of The Rings for the first time. There’s just sooooo much information being thrown at you that if you don’t have SOME prior affinity with the material, you’re going to be lost. And I was so lost. The plot summary above was about as simple as I could make it. But the actual plot was way way more complicated.
Some gypsies steal Transylvania’s money so Vlad can’t pay the Turks. He goes and kills them. The mountain next to him starts spitting out blood. A mysterious killer starts killing Turks and the Turks think it’s Vlad. So Vlad has to go find out who’s really killing the Turks so the Turks don’t kill his people. The Turks want a thousand warriors from Transylvania. Vlad says he’ll fight instead. But then they change their mind and want Vlad’s baby. Vlad finds out Caligula is killing the Turks and is killed by Caligula. And that’s just the first half!
I talk about goals a lot on this site, and to make sure your characters are always going after goals. Now you can change the goals up if you want, so your hero is going after one thing, achieving it, then going after something else, etc., etc. As long as your hero is being active, your story should move along nicely. But if there are too many goals and we’re waiting too long for the ‘BIG’ goal to emerge, we start to get impatient. And that’s how I felt here. It wasn’t until the middle of the screenplay before we learn that Vlad’s ultimate goal is to find and defeat the person who turned him this way so he can become “normal” again.
Personally, for me, it was too long of a wait. I think for others who are really into the mythology of Dracula it wouldn’t be as much of a problem because they enjoy these little side-journeys. But for someone confused half the time about which way was up, I would’ve loved more clarity and direction in the plot. I liked where it ended up, with the Turks attacking Transylvania on the mountain. That would be a hell of a battle on the big screen. I was just frustrated by how much work I had to do to get to that point. This is NOT an easy read. It is something you have to invest 100% of your concentration in to keep up with.
And that definitely weighed on me. At times it felt like boxes were being checked – get the blood-drinking thing in there, get the bat thing in there, get the wolf thing in there – that I was being taken through the mythology beat by meticulous beat, and that’s when I struggled most. The script is best when it’s sailing along and relaxing. Like that Caligula scene, where he’s slitting the hanging soldiers’ throats one by one. That was an awesome effortless scene.
And there was a lot of great imagery here. As someone who e-mailed me said: “This is a movie!” And it is! The vampire trend is probably dead for awhile now that Twilight has ended. But that still leaves the door open for quasi-vampire material that doesn’t fit into the Twilight box. And Dracula: Year Zero definitely doesn’t fit into that box.
I just wish I was more into Dracula so I could’ve enjoyed it more. What did you guys think?
[ ] Wait for the rewrite
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: The longer it takes to get to the main character goal that’s driving your screenplay, the harder it is to keep your reader interested. People want to know what your script is about fairly early. They want to know that Bruce Willis is trying to fix this little boy’s problem in The Sixth Sense. They want to know that Cobb is trying to implant a thought into this man’s mind in Inception. The sooner you rope us in with the major goal, the sooner we understand what movie we’re watching and can settle in. I just wanted to know what the goal was in “Dracula: Year Zero” much sooner. I’m not saying you CAN’T do it the other way. I’m just saying it’s a lot harder.
So I was cruising around the net last night and, lo and behold, I found myself a trailer for the next Star Trek movie, Star Trek Into Darkness. JJ continues to kick ass as this trailer basically has me clearing my schedule for the weekend of May 17th. But that’s not the important news here. The important news is, oh look, I just happen to break down JJ’s FIRST Star Trek film in my book! A perfect way to end Scriptshadow Secrets Book Release Week! To whet your appetite for the movie (and the book) check out the new trailer below.
For those hoping I’d just keep posting every single movie breakdown in the book, sadly this is where it ends. I’ve given you a peek behind the curtain, but you’ll have to pony up the price of the book for all 50 movie breakdowns (plus that amazing chapter at the beginning that tells you how to write a screenplay). I think the great thing about this book is that it’s often that ONE TIP, that ONE REALIZATION, that can change your entire approach to screenwriting, that can finally unlock all of your potential. I remember that happening when I learned about dramatic irony. With Scriptshadow Secrets, there are 500 chances of that happening. It’s like a Powerball lottery where the odds are actually IN your favor. So to me, buying this book is a no-brainer. I admit I’m a little bit biased but I really believe that! To summarize, Monday I gave you an excerpt from the first chapter of the book, breaking down screenplay structure. Tuesday I tickled your pirate bone (that sounds wrong) with Pirates of the Caribbean. Wednesday I went dark with tips from the Fargo screenplay. Yesterday I lightened things up with lessons learned from the greatest romantic comedy of all time. And today it’s all about the Star Trek.
I’m shooting for a hard copy release of December 20th so you can stuff your stockings with some Scriptshadow (that sounds wrong) but that’s assuming I hit no snags so I can’t guarantee that date. For that reason, it’s important to remember that you DON’T NEED A KINDLE OR AN IPAD to read the Scriptshadow Secrets e-book!!! Just download the free “Kindle App” here and read it right from your computer. 500 amazing screenwriting tips, folks. What are you waiting for!??
Excerpt from Scriptshadow Secrets…
STAR TREK
Written by: Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman (based on the television series by Gene Roddenberry)
Premise: A reboot of the famous franchise that takes us back to when a young Kirk and Spock first met.
About: Look who’s back! The amazing J.J.! Did you know Abrams wrote Regarding Henry, which snagged (at the time) the biggest movie star in the world, Harrison Ford? He pulled this off at the ripe old age of 24. My biggest accomplishment at 24 was learning how to do laundry. Still, when I heard Abrams was going to direct a Star Trek film, I thought, “Ehhhh, you may have gotten a little cocky there, fella.” The last four Star Trek films, in addition to being unwatchable, had grossed nine dollars and 16 cents at the box office. Even Trekkies were pissed! What could JJ possibly do to reinvigorate this dead franchise? I found out soon enough when the trailer of a young James Kirk driving his car off a cliff followed by an encounter with a robot cop lit my eyeballs on fire! I was in! It was a great lesson too, and a staple of Abrams’ success. Find a classic property/idea/genre and figure out a way to update it. All J.J. Abrams did was give Star Trek attitude, something it never had before. And VOILA, the franchise was reborn. Genius, this man is!
TIP 476 – No matter how huge your movie is, anchor it around a central relationship – Star Trek is a great big rock-em, sock-em summer blockbuster with space battles and planets exploding and time travel. All of that, however, is secondary to the relationship between Kirk and Spock. You have to focus on the relationships, guys! Trust me when I say they’re one of the most important parts of your screenplay!
TIP 477 – When you introduce a bad guy in an action movie, make sure to show us he’s bad right away – When we meet Nero, the first thing he does is plunge a spear into the Captain. That’s how you introduce a bad guy! (Don’t forget Darth Vader choking a man to death at the beginning of Star Wars as well).
TIP 478 – In action movies, take care of exposition while characters are on the move – Action films are kinetic and action-packed, so that’s where you have to deliver your exposition. When Kirk and Sulu are about to air jump down to the giant alien drill, Captain Pike is giving them the plan as they march through the ship. This is preferable to giving it while sitting down in an air-conditioned office. In fact, if there’s any scene in an action movie where your characters are sitting down and talking, there’s probably something wrong with your script.
TIP 479 – Popcorn movies live or die by their set pieces – You have to push the envelope with high concept set pieces because these are the scenes that’ll sell your movie. If they look exactly like every other action scene out there, nobody’s showing up to your film. Do something different with these big scenes! Air jumping down to a wobbly 40-mile long alien drill platform and then fighting the bad guys with swords…it’s safe to say I’ve never seen that before. Try to have three set pieces in your action flick that nobody’s seen.
TIP 480 – In an action movie, make sure your hero saves others at his own peril – This is your hero. Heroes need to be heroic, and they need to be heroic without thinking of themselves. This is why we love them! When Sulu falls off the edge of the alien drill, Kirk goes diving after him, risking his own life in the process.
TIP 481 – The bar for your script is higher than the bar for the latest Hollywood blockbuster – Star Trek escaped this fate, but a lot of big budget films have terrible screenplays. Look no further than the Transformers franchise. However, if you think the Transformers screenplays are the bar for your own scripts, think again. Those scripts are bad for a number of reasons, most of which revolve around too many cooks in the kitchen. The bar for your script is 50 times higher. It may not be fair, you may not understand why, but trust me on this: don’t use those films as the bar to beat. Write the greatest screenplay you’re capable of writing and let the rest take care of itself.
TIP 482 – Your villain can’t be bad just to be bad – A villain without a motivation is like a car without a steering wheel: Directionless. Trek’s villain, Nero, didn’t wake up one day and decide to hate the Federation. He hates them because they sat and watched his people die, doing nothing to help them. That’s why he’s waging war with the Federation.
TIP 483 – SHOW DON’T TELL ALERT – When Kirk meets Old Spock, instead of Spock giving us a long boring monologue about how he ended up here, he touches James’ head, allowing him to SEE what happened to him. Much more cinematic than gathering around the fireplace and hearing Spock tell a tale.
TIP 484 – Stop introducing new characters! Ahhhhhhh!!! – If you want to make a reader angry, introduce a LOT of characters. Readers hate lots of characters because it’s impossible to keep track of them all. If you’re writing for a pre-existing franchise, like Star Trek, where the character pool has already been established, then it’s okay. But in a spec script? I’m begging you: keep your character count as low as humanly possible.
TIP 485 – Bring characters back – Here’s a tip on how to eliminate characters. Instead of introducing yet another person, why not bring back someone from before? The dude who captures Kirk when he miraculously beams onto the Enterprise during warp speed is the same guy he fought in the opening bar scene. It means so much more to the reader because they know that guy.
TIP 486 – When characters fight, they should fight in UNIQUE STYLES that REFLECT WHO THEY ARE – Kirk fights like a street brawler. Spock’s moves are tactical and structured. This philosophy should extend to every aspect of your characters. Show them talking, walking, loving, arguing, all in their own unique way.
TIP 487 – The more intense the internal conflict, the more memorable the character – One of the reasons Spock has captured people’s imaginations for so long is that his internal struggle is so compelling: he’s constantly fighting between logic and emotion. Internal strife adds tons of weight to your characters (Michael Corleone goes through it. Luke goes through it in Empire and Jedi) so if it fits your hero and your story, make sure to include it!
