Genre: Sci-Fi
Premise: (from Black List) A former NASA pilot with amnesia — also the first person to travel the speed of light — realizes he has the ability to travel back in time and along the way rediscovers his love for his wife.
About: Flashback finished on the lower half of the 2011 Black List. This is Will Honley’s breakthrough screenplay.
Writer: Will Honley
Details: 101 pages – undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Let’s get this out of the way first. Flashback is HEAVILY influenced by Source Code. I mean…at times they’re so similar *I* was having flashbacks to my first Source Code read. The subject matter and the central relationships are different (for the most part) but the structure reads so identical that I felt like Jake Gylenhal was sitting on my lap.

Wait a minute. That sounded weird.

What I’m trying to say is, there was no way for me to objectively review this. I mean, Source Code’s one of my favorite scripts of all time. It’s only natural that if you write something similar, I’m going to be comparing the two.

Flashback follows Cale Isaacs, a man who’s just woken up in a hospital bed with no memory of how he got there. He’s soon approached by a doctor who tells him some bad shit happened but he can’t tell him what yet because his brain is too fragile. Cale’s able to piece some things together though. There are wicked scars on his head and stomach, which means whatever happened, it was messy.

Eventually the doctor comes clean. Cale works for NASA, and in particular a top secret project that was working on a ship that could travel the speed of light. They hadn’t been able to achieve that yet until recently when Cale broke the light barrier for a fraction of a second. Unfortunately, he crashed soon afterwards. Now, they need to get into his brain and find out what he did to get the ship to the speed of light. The problem is, Cale doesn’t remember!

Well, the powers that be aren’t fucking around. They need to know NOW. And that means trying some experimental shit, namely jolting his brain full of electricity to jumpstart his memory. So they take him into this small lab room with an intimidating steel chair and give him a taste of Thomas Edison.

When he’s jolted, Cale finds himself back in his body a few months (years?) ago. He realizes that he and his wife, who he doesn’t remember, are having some marriage issues. Before he can figure out why, however, he’s jolted back to the present. It appears that the combination of his speed of light flight and this electro-chair has allowed Cale to momentarily jump through time.

As the movie goes on and more time jumps occur, Cale begins to realize that he dedicated his life to this project, ignoring his wife in the process. He doesn’t want to be that way anymore, so he starts using the jumps to repair the relationship. But the NASA people are getting impatient. They want to know what the fuck Cale did to jump to light speed. So they step up the voltage a la the “Machine Of Death” in The Princess Bride. Not surprisingly, this has some ill-effects, and Cale starts to die. This means he’s running out of time to reconnect with his wife and save their relationship. Will he or can he succeed?

First of all, I love the way Flashback is written. If you can get your hands on this script, read the first eight pages. That’s about as well as you can write 8 pages of a story without any dialogue. The action lines are not only short, but descriptive. This may seem obvious but I find that most scripts have either short paragraphs that don’t give enough information or long paragraphs that give too much information. To write a short paragraph that’s still packed with information isn’t easy.

And structurally, this script kills it. Both the hero and the “villain” have solid goals that make sure the script is always moving forward. For Cale, he’s trying to reconnect with his wife. For the “bad guys,” they’re trying to extract information from Cale’s mind. Because these two goals are in constant conflict, the story is consistently entertaining.

On top of this, there’s a big mystery we want the answer to. What did Cale do right before he crashed? How did he jump to light speed? One more reason to keep reading!

Another great thing about this spec is that it’s EXACTLY the kind of script one should write if they want to break into the business. It’s got a high concept idea (time travel/NASA/amnesia) and it’s contained to mostly one location. That means it will be cheap to make. This is the holy grail of screenplays because not everybody in town can pay 800 grand for your interplanetary war script. But TONS of people can pay you 80 grand for your high concept time-travel contained thriller.

As for the script’s weaknesses, there are a few. It does start to get repetitive after awhile. This is always a pitfall you’ll deal with if you’re writing a contained movie. So you really have to be inventive and keep switching things up to keep the story fresh. There are a few surprises along the way, but none of them was big enough to ward off all of the repetitive sequences (“Hey, we’re jumping back in time again to have pretty much the exact same conversation with the wife as before!”).

Also, I just wasn’t emotionally involved enough with the Cale-wife storyline. That’s the thing that really has to anchor a movie like this because the “gimmickry” (albeit fun gimmickry) of the premise only wows the audience for so long. Sooner or later they need some substance. And you get that substance from your central relationship.

I’m not even sure what’s wrong with said relationship but there’s definitely something missing. I think it’s that their “issue” is kind of boring. They have a rough marriage because he works too much. Hmmm. Really? Join the rest of America. And the thing is, the relationship actually starts with some real potential. She’s furious at him about something. Okay. Genuine conflict. I can get on board with. But the next time they meet, she’s apologetic and they’re a happy couple again. What happened to the conflict??? I’m a big believer that the chasm between your main characters has to be HUGE. Look at a movie like Indiana Jones. Indiana betrayed Marion. Abandoned Marion. There’s genuine anger there, a genuine feeling that this can never be repaired. The relationship in Flashback is just so…repairable.

But if you take Flashback as a whole, the script is pretty solid. I liked the writing. I liked the concept. I just think it needs to differentiate itself from Source Code and work on its central relationship more.

[ ] Wait for the rewrite
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: The fake ticking time bomb – It’s been awhile since I’ve gone all ticking time bomb on you guys, but you know how I feel about the device. It’s the easiest way to create urgency in your script. Flashback teaches us an alternative way to use the device though. The whole point of a “ticking time bomb” is to imply that if a goal isn’t reached by a certain amount of time, a bomb will “blow up.” Well, sometimes you can trick the audience into BELIEVING the bomb will blow up even if you don’t have a bomb. Flashback does exactly that. These NASA people need the light-speed information from Cale RIGHT NOW. But why? What happens if they don’t get it? Errr…nothing. But the script never stops long enough to allow us to realize that. We HEAR the bad guys repeatedly saying they need the information “right now” and therefore we believe it. The ticking time bomb, in actuality, is a fake. Contrast this with Source Code, where we KNOW if Cole doesn’t find the bomb on the train, OTHER BOMBS in the city will explode. So that’s a literal ticking time bomb. I’d recommend using a real ticking time bomb if at all possible. But if you’re in a pinch, a fake one can work.

Genre: Comedy/Satire
Premise: (from Black List) A satirical behind the scenes look at the making of Star Wars through the eyes of Peter Mayhew who played Chewbacca.
About: Chewie landed in the Top 10 on 2011’s Black List and is probably the most high-profile script that made the list due to its subject matter. After I wrote this review, I did a little research and found out that this was not a true autobiographical story like I’d assumed. It was a satire written by two guys who like Star Wars. Which makes sense because there’s so little exploration of Peter Mayhew as a person that I wondered if they actually knew anything about Peter. Well it turns out they did interview him……… in a Star Wars Comic-Con line! They were able to ask him five questions. Hey, you gotta do your research somehow. – For this movie to get made, George Lucas will have to approve of it. My understanding is that he or his people are giving it a look. So we could have ourselves some Chewie on the big screen in 2013.
Writers: Evan Susser, Van Robichaux
Details: 100 pages (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

Duhhh duhhhh, duh duh duh dahhhhh duh. Duh duh duh dahhhhh duh, dahduh dummmmmmm…

That’s me singing Star Wars. Truth be told, I wasn’t looking forward to this one. I’m a not-so-closeted Star Wars fanatic and I’d heard rumors this was a script about Peter Mayhew, the actor who played Chewbacca, watching everybody on the set of Star Wars act like assholes while he floated around like an angel.

If this was true, it would negatively affect all future Star Wars viewings, which wasn’t an option. But I don’t do these reviews for me. I do them for you. And if that meant destroying a little bit of Star Wars in my life, well then bantha fodder on Salacius’ Crumb’s bum, I was going to do it.

Still, I mean, how realistic was it that someone could come up with a fresh take on Star Wars 30 years and 8 billion fan films later? Is that even possible? Let’s find out.

Chewie is about Peter Mayhew (sorta), the impossibly sized man-giant who played Chewbacca in the Star Wars films, otherwise known as Han Solo’s right hand…furry fuzzy monster friend. Right away we’re told that Peter was a super shy dude, always uncomfortable with his size, and at the time, actually going into a career in medicine.

But Peter had another dream. Or, I shouldn’t say dream. Hmmm, maybe I’d call it a “strong interest” in being an actor. His giant size filled a tiny niche in the movie market and when George Lucas and Co. came calling, it turned out he was perfect for the part (George didn’t even talk to Peter at the casting by the way. He just looked him up and down and said, “Yeah, he’s perfect,” and walked away).

But now Peter had a dilemma. His burgeoning medical career required that he be at the hospital all the time. How the heck was he going to fit in a movie? Well somehow Peter convinced his asshole boss (the “Emperor” of this tale) to give him some time off to film his weird little movie.

From there on, we basically see the making of Star Wars through Peter’s eyes. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything new being said here. All of these stories have been told in numerous texts. It’s almost like someone breezed through the Making Of Star Wars biography and plucked out all the best parts. Yes, Harrison Ford was a jerk. Yes, he and Carrie Fisher hooked up. Yes, they had no money and were barely able to hold the production together. Yes nobody trusted George’s vision. I suppose for a non-Star Wars fan this might be interesting news. But if you’re one of the 8 non-Star Wars fans in the world, I’m not sure you care about a Making Of Star Wars movie.

I think the most disappointing part of the script, for me, was that Peter, our narrator, was barely in it! Every single piece of drama that happens in the film has nothing to do with him. We’re simply watching it all through his eyes (and in some cases, not through his eyes, since he isn’t even in the scene). I guess when I thought I’d be seeing a film from a certain person’s point of view, I expected that person to be involved. So it was kind of baffling when he wasn’t.

The one bit of character development Peter DOES have happens away from the Star Wars set, back at the hospital. His super-asshole boss keeps yelling at him for going off to shoot his silly movie, to which Peter, the most non-confrontational human being in the universe, just takes it. The scenes aren’t terrible but they’re incredibly on the nose and simplistic. Peter wants to film. Boss doesn’t want him to film. We get four of these scenes and they’re all pretty much the same.

The guy who doesn’t stand up for himself finally standing up for himself is one of the easiest character arcs to write (you also saw it with Ed Helms in The Hangover). But you still have to add some texture to it. You can’t just have four scenes where someone yells at a character and the fifth time he yells back. An 8th grader can pull that off. Yet that’s exactly what we get here. The most simplistic execution of a character arc imaginable. Combined with his absence throughout the rest of the story, the main character (assuming Peter is the main character – I’m still not sure) just isn’t interesting.

There were some cool parts though. Seeing George Lucas broken and battered, watching his vision slip away a little more each day. Harrison Ford is kind of funny as the set diva. It was interesting to hear that he was considering not taking Star Wars so he could get a real job and provide for his family. Carrie Fisher comes off as a sweet but ultimately nutty chick, who has a nice little friendship with Peter. And then there was the shining light – Peter being the only one who believed in George’s vision. He may not have been very complex, but he sure was nice.

Yet that was the problem. Nice overly-polite people don’t make good movie characters, especially if they’re barely connected to the plot. There’s one scene in the script where Peter’s preparing for a scene with Harrison and nobody can find Ford. However WE know that Peter knows where Harrison is. He’s in his trailer smoking pot. It’s the one moment in the script where Peter has to make a difficult choice, that he’s actually involved in some drama. This is when we REALLY learn about a character – when they’re faced with a dilemma, two equally undesirable options. Does he lie and say he doesn’t know where Harrison is, even though he doesn’t lie, or give him up, getting him in trouble?

Neither! The writers take the easy way out. Peter excuses himself to run off and get Harrison. No difficult choice was made. That was my problem here. Every avenue where drama could’ve been milked was passed over.

I mean we already know the story of Star Wars. What we don’t know is the story of Peter’s Star Wars. And after Chewie, I still don’t know the story of Peter’s Star Wars. Honestly, the only thing I learned was that he worked at a hospital and was shy!

I do think the movie carries a great message though – to chase your dreams and take chances in life. You never know when that one chance will be your “Han Solo” moment, the thing that sets you up for the rest of your life. I just wish the main character had been more interesting and that we’d actually learned something about him.

[ ] Wait for the rewrite
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Avoid office scenes! Remember, two people in a closed room/office with no interruptions is usually a boring scene. It’s too comfortable. Find a location that makes things less comfortable. It will bring out the drama. All these scenes with the hospital boss yelling at Peter take place in his boring office so they all feel the same. What if, instead, the boss confronted Peter as he was tending to one of his favorite patients? He pulls him over to the corner of the room and and curses him out, his favorite patient watching on. NOW you have yourself a scene. Peter is being reamed out in front of a friend – which is way more embarrassing than being reamed out in private.

Hey guys, just found this app for the Ipad. It’s this screenplay app that not only allows you to read screenplays, but it has an entire library of them to download. It’s all mainly produced work, but I was surprised at how easy it was. It lists all the screenplays right there on the screen, you just press ‘download’ and you’re reading it a few seconds later. Oh, and it’s FREE.  I’m loving my Ipad!

Scripted for Ipad.

Wanted to give a shout out and congratulations to longtime Scriptshadow reader Emily Blake over at Bamboo Killers.  You may remember that Emily’s logline for her script “Nice Girls Don’t Kill,” finished Top 5 in our First Ten Pages contest a few weeks ago.  She ended up as one of the finalists at the TrackingB contest with another script, “How My Wedding Dress Got This Dirty,” and quickly secured a manager and an agent at ICM.  She’s now working on rewriting “Nice Girls Don’t Kill,” incorporating some of the notes you gave her on the First Ten Pages.  That’s 1 down and 49 to go for Scriptshadow readers who are going to break in this year.  It’s possible people. Just keep working hard!