Genre: Comedy
Premise: A married father accidentally switches bodies with his single best friend. Hilarity ensues.
About: Jon Lucas and Scott Moore (writers of The Hangover) I believe sold this on the eve of that film’s success, but I’m not positive about that. They may have sold it a little earlier. Lucas and Moore wrote together for nine long years before their big success in The Hangover, mostly as script doctors trying to make existing comedy scripts funnier. Despite having the biggest box office R-rated comedy of all time to their credit, they were not asked to come back for The Hangover 2, which was probably appropriate since the new writers just changed all the sluglines to “Thailand” and did a search and replace for “baby,” turning it into “monkey.” Why pay the original writers a bunch of money to do that? The Change-Up stars Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds and comes out this Friday.
Writers: Jon Lucas and Scott Moore
Details: 122 pages – July 31, 2009 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

I have a secret that I’ve been hiding from Scriptshadow readers for a long time now. And I’m sick of keeping it from all of you. We all have to come clean at some point right? And I’m okay with the fact that this secret will likely eliminate 30% of my readership.

But you know what? Fuck it. You’re not really living if you’re living a lie.

I don’t know when it was, exactly, that I began hiding this from the world. But something somebody recently said in the comments section helped me come to terms with it. They said: “If people admitted to liking the movies they REALLY liked as opposed to the movies they thought they were supposed to like, Top 100 lists would be different everywhere.”

And with that, I have to come clean. I sorta kinda like body-switch movies.

There. I said it.

It’s out there now. Wow. I feel like 200 tons worth of film reels have been lifted off my shoulders.

I don’t know what it is about them, and I realize that body-switch movies are one step below Martin Lawrence vehicles. But I still watch them. I do. I paid money to rent 17 Again. A friend of mine caught me. And boy was that an awkward conversation. But after pretending like I didn’t know how it got there at first, I finally came clean.  These days, I’m lucky if he returns one of my texts.

 I don’t know if there’s some psychological issues there. If I should look for help. Was I abused as a child? Did I have to role-play in order to get out of traumatic situations? Pretend I was another person? Whatever the case, when two people switch bodies: COUNT ME IN.

Naturally this brings me to today’s script. But first, it brings me to today’s writers. The Change-Up is written by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, the writers of The Hangover. Now I thought The Hangover was great. One of the best comedy specs in recent history. But I read one of their other scripts, Flypaper, about a couple of groups trying to rob the same bank at the same time, and thought it was one of the worst comedy specs in recent memory. So I really didn’t know what to expect here. Was this going to be Flypaper stupid or Hangover awesome?

Attorney Dave Lockwood is a father of three very young children. Dave therefore spends the majority of his middle nights racing to a crib and settling those kiddies down – getting vomited and pooed on in the process. When no one else is looking, Dave tells others that everybody secretly hates kids, but will never say so because it’s impossible to say you hate kids without looking like a complete asshole. But it’s true, he insists, everybody secretly thinks it. Of course, Dave doesn’t really hate his kids. He also doesn’t really hate his slave-driver of a wife. It’s just that a lot of days he wishes he could be single again. No responsibilities and all the time in the world.

On the flip side is Dave’s best friend Mitch Planko. Mitch is an unemployed actor who does the occasional skin-flick before disappearing into his apartment for lots of bong-smoking and booty calls. He lives off his father, who’s secretly ashamed of him, and could very well parlay this lifestyle into his 60s, if life allows for it. Mitch loves his life. But there’s a tiny part of him that secretly wants that stability, that wants someone to love and to be loved back.

One night, Mitch and Dave go to the Dodgers game, get drunk, and start talking about how lucky the other is. Mitch admires how much security Dave has. How he gets to have sex with a hot woman whenever he wants. How rewarding his job is. And Dave admires how Mitch gets to hook up with random girls all he wants, and most importantly, has SO MUCH FREE TIME. While they’re drunk and pissing in a fountain, they accidentally wish for each other’s lives. Naturally, the next morning, they wake up in each other’s bodies.

They figure out what’s happened pretty quickly, and run back to the fountain. But the fountain’s gone. In a page out of Big’s book, it’s been relocated somewhere, and the parks and recs people won’t know where for a few weeks. Immediately, damage control needs to be done. Dave, who’s trying to make partner, has a huge meeting that will likely determine if he gets a promotion. Unfortunately, Mitch, who considers this a great acting opportunity, will have to go to this meeting instead. And Mitch just got a huge Skinemax film, which, of course, Dave will have to do. Dave is quite possibly the worst actor in the history of the planet, so that’s going to be interesting.

After that craziness, the two try to tell Jamie, Dave’s wife, what happened, but of course she doesn’t believe them (in a clever scene where Dave demands Jamie ask him three things only he would know – only to see him, in classic man fashion, not know the answer to any of them). That means they’ll have to officially become each other. Mitch, as catastrophic as this sounds, will have to take care of Dave’s kids and wife, while Dave is tasked with keeping the most important booty call ever – the craziest wildest sex Mitch has ever had: Tatiana – in Mitch’s rolodex.

At first things are bumpy, but then the two start to hit a stride and actually enjoy each other’s lives. Mitch likes the idea of actually connecting with people, and taking care of a family is way more rewarding than he ever thought it could be (even if he is telling Dave’s 5 year old daughter to solve all her problems with violence) and Dave is finally loosening up – dating his super hot secretary who he’s always had a crush on. Obviously, this can’t go on forever, but while it does go on, it’s pretty damn fun.

This may or may not surprise you after the opening of my review, but The Change-Up has about as perfect of an execution as you can have for a high-concept comedy. Whether you love or hate body switch movies is up to you, but as far as HOW THEY EXECUTED the idea, they pretty much did it flawlessly. They mine the concept for everything it’s worth (numerous fish-out-of-water sequences putting both characters in situations they’re not qualified for), they have character arcs for both characters (Dave has to learn how to not be so uptight – Mitch has to learn how to be responsible), the three act structure emerges beautifully here. And most importantly, both characters are funny (of course this last part is a matter of opinion). Especially Mitch.

Here’s what confuses me though. Friday I talked about a comedy that didn’t try to be new in any way. And yet there’s nothing that new about The Change-Up either. Yet I was laughing all the way through it. And I realized that there’s a variable I often forget about when it comes to comedy: familiarity. Audiences laugh at characters dealing with familiar situations because they too have encountered those situations. They know exactly what those characters are going through. Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm based their entire shows around this.

But this works in complete opposition to my theory that “you gotta make things different” to stand out in the comedy world. How can you make something familiar different? I think that’s the big question. Otherwise, I’m just throwing around contradictory advice. If anyone has an opinion on this, I’d love to hear it. Because I did find myself laughing at actor Mitch trying to fake his way through Dave’s attorney meeting, even though I pretty much knew exactly what happen in the scene.

One of the big differences may just be the funiness factor. If an unfunny writer writes a comedy that’s totally different from any other comedy out there, it’s still not going to be as funny as a familiar comedy where the writer IS funny. I mean I thought Mitch was a really funny character with some great lines. Whether it’s telling Jamie that he thinks one of the twins looks “downsy” or his intense description of “nose-bleed sex” with Tatiana, he pushes the envelope just enough to keep you laughing. It seems like so many of these characters are of the safe “PG-13” variety. It was nice to see someone in a supposed “family comedy” saying shit your insane best friend might say in real life.  So maybe “just being funny” supercedes all rules. Of course that doesn’t help us, because everyone thinks they’re funny.  So to give unfunny people who think they’re funny free rein to do whatever they want is probably a bad idea.  I don’t know.  As is usual, I still haven’t figured out what makes a great comedy spec great yet.  There’s too much subjectivity involved. 

Structurally, the only real fault in The Change-Up is the end of Act 2. As I was discussing in my 2nd Act article a couple of weeks back, you have to gently ease into that “lowest point” that is the 2nd act ending, which usually takes about 15 pages. Here, one second they’re happy as clams with their new lives, the next they realize it’s all really bad and they need to switch back. Nothing convinced me that that change needed to come, so it was the lone execution error in the entire script.

But outside of that, this script was just fun and funny. And maybe I’m on an island here because I’m a closet body change up lover, but I thought that even if you don’t like these kinds of movies, you have to admit that this was done about as well as it could be.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: This is an oldie but goodie. In these types of comedies, MAKE SURE YOUR CHARACTERS ARE LEARNING SOMETHING ALONG THE WAY. The journey they’re on has to test their flaws. Mitch is irresponsible so his journey (being a lawyer, raising a family) tests his responsibility. Dave is too wound up so his journey (having all the time in the world, having the freedom to do whatever he wants) tests how well he can loosen up. When they switch back, they’re better people. That may seem pat, but you’re not writing The Godfather here. You’re writing a high concept comedy. These character arcs are a requirement.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: (actual logline sent) Two slackers get a job at a funeral home, but accidentally misplace the body of a distinguished senator and get wrapped up in a wild chase trying to find it in time for the funeral.
About: George Chatzigeorgiou, the writer, is from Greece. Yeah baby. Scriptshadow goes international today. — Every Friday, I review a script from the readers of the site. If you’re interested in submitting your script for an Amateur Review, send it in PDF form, along with your title, genre, logline, and why I should read your script to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Keep in mind your script will be posted in the review (feel free to keep your identity and script title private by providing an alias and fake title).
Writer: George Chatzigeorgiou
Details: 104 pages

Yes, I’m a broken record. But I’m going to say it again.

Comedy is hard.

It’s really hard. And I think there’s a reason that even though comedy is the most reviewed genre on Amateur Fridays, no comedy scripts made it into the Amateur Top 5, and only 2 made it into the Top 11. Everybody tends to think they’re funnier than they actually are. I mean, I think I’m hilarious. But the other day when I cracked what I believed to be a 5 star knee-slapper at the Cleaners, I didn’t get so much as a smile from the cashier (my joke was that her shirt looked an awful lot like a shirt they had lost of mine a year ago). Of course I don’t think she spoke English, but you get the point. Most people tend to overestimate their FV (funniness value).

Combine that with the fact that it takes awhile to learn how to be funny within the confines of a screenplay, and you get a glut of comedy specs that elicit, at most, a couple of chuckles per 100 pages. I still don’t think there’s any worse reading experience than a comedy that isn’t funny. Because you realize it isn’t funny somewhere around page 7, but then still have to trudge through another 103 pages. Knowing that the primary purpose of the script is to make you laugh, and that it will never succeed at that…Well, it’s pretty depressing.

But a very good sign is if the logline itself has FV. And that’s what happened here. I was all set to review a script with a dinosaur in it (I’ll be reviewing that next week) until I read this logline and started laughing. Since that rarely happens, I had to read the script. So, with that said, did Dead Ahead live up to its logline? Or did it die a humorless death?

20-something Andrew Buchanan is a slacker. Doesn’t have a job. Doesn’t have ambition. Actually, he does want to be a comic book artist, but every chance he gets to show his work to his comic book idols, he chickens out.

There’s only one person who’s an even bigger slacker than Andrew, and that’s his friend Max. Max is the worst kind of slacker. The kind who actually works TO STAY a slacker. That’s right. He’s so lazy that he actually works his ass off so that he doesn’t have to work. See his father keeps setting up interviews for him, and in order to keep from getting hired, he blows into the interviews intentionally looking like a moron. That way he gets to keep surfing on daddy’s dime.

Anyway, Max’s dad has had enough. He bypasses the interview process and actually gets Max (and Andrew) a job at a funeral home. They’re both mortified, but they don’t have any choice but to take it. And to make matters worse, on the very first day of work, they’re assigned to transport a dead California senator’s body to Los Angeles for his funeral.

But when they stop off for a quick errand, the van disappears. They find out it’s been towed, hurry over to the local impound lot, pay to get their van back, but upon doing so, find out the body’s gone. Uh oh. This can’t be good. They do some digging and find out the Senator’s wife may have taken the body, but when they get to her, she says she has no idea what they’re talking about (and also seems decidedly blase about her husband’s death).

They follow the trail to the Senator’s mistress, who’s a few feet shallow of a cemetery plot, and find out she’s running around town with the senator. With the DEAD SENATOR. She’s so crazy she thinks he’s still alive. Somewhere in the midst of all this, the buddies meet super hot wanna be journalist Kailin, who has a really overbearing boyfriend, Garrett, who’s convinced she’s banging some guy with a bigger dick. Andrew instantly falls in love with Kailin, but has to fend off the always nearby Garrett.

Somewhere amongst all of this (and the reason Kailin joins them) is a USB flash drive that the Senator had on him before he died. There must be some really important information on that drive since everybody – including some unsavory criminal types – are looking for the body just as feverishly as our heroes. Somehow Andrew and Max will have to get it together, stop being such slackers, and get the dead Senator to Los Angeles in time for the funeral, and before this crazy cast of loonies stops them.

So what did I think of Dead Ahead? Well I thought there were some good things about it. Structurally, it’s near perfect. We have a clear goal – get the dead body from point A to point B. We have a ticking time bomb – get it there before the funeral. We have conflict – the worst possible guys for the job are in charge. We have obstacles – Criminal types/Evil boyfriends. We have characters with some depth – Andrew lacks courage and Max resists responsibility. So at the core I would say George really knew what he was doing.

However, I’m afraid to say I didn’t laugh that much. And I’m not sure why (but I have some ideas). One of the things that’s REALLY important in any script, but especially a formulaic comedy, is that the choices be unique. The reason being that the FORMULA aspect of your script is your constant. It’s the thing that makes it just like every other comedy, albeit necessary to focus the story. Therefore all the variables have to feel different in some way. Otherwise EVERYTHING is familiar. And that’s the problem here. The details feel too familiar. For example, it seems like every comedy writer is including the Eastern European thug character who speaks funny English. I’d actually read a similar character 2 hours prior to reading this in another comedy (I’ll be reviewing that script Monday).

The crazy mistress character dragging a dead body around had potential, but again, I’ve seen that before. In Weekend At Bernie’s and that John Candy movie (somebody help me out here). And the USB McGuffin also felt a little stale. I just feel like more chances needed to be taken. This comedy is way ahead of the pack due to George’s understanding of structure, but once you get the structure down, you have to take everything else to the next level. You’re never going to come up with something completely original. But if you can make each choice just a little different than what’s come before it, your movie will seem fresh. Take The Hangover for instance. I can’t remember any previous movie where a naked Chinese guy jumped out of a trunk. Or guys woke up in Vegas with a tiger in their bathroom. Or our main characters had to schlep around a baby (in this particular situation). All those little choices are what separate your movie from the rest.

Another thing I realized about these comedies is how dependent they are on the “crazy” character. If your crazy character isn’t pushing the envelope, isn’t nuts or super funny in some unique way, your script has an uphill battle. In The Hangover, Zach G. is responsible for like 70% of the funny shit in that movie. And the reason is, they’re constantly pushing the envelope with him. He ruffies his friends. He mimes a baby jacking itself off. He screams “I hate Godzilla” when a naked Chinese man comes near him. Max was fine in this movie. He had a few good lines. But not once did he push the envelope. Not once did he do something I’d never seen before. I just think the“crazy” character is a big source of your comedy. He’s your home-run hitter. Your big RBI guy. He’s gotta deliver.

I will say, however, there was one hilarious scene with Max where I couldn’t stop laughing. Kailin’s psycho boyfriend Garrett is chasing them in a car, and for the 20th consecutive hour accusing Kailin of cheating on him and giving (just because he’s the nearest guy to her) Max a blowjob. Kailin finally cracks and to piss him off, claims, YES, SHE DID GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB!! She starts miming the blow job for Garrett’s benefit, who’s mortified that his worst nightmares has come true. But then Max starts getting into the fake blowjob and starts directing her on what to do (“could you bite it a little?”). Kailin gets a little carried away and screams to Garrett that she sucked Andrew’s dick too, and is now miming a double blow job, which Andrew, who’s sitting in the back seat, starts feeling really uncomfortable by, and he’s telling her to stop. It was just a really funny scene and gave me hope that George does have comedy chops.

But all in all, this script needs to dig deeper on its choices. We’re like 2 or 3 choices down with a lot of these comedy bits. We need to go 6 or 7 choices down. But the good news is that the foundation is there. It’s a perfect comedy premise. That’s why I picked it. So I hope George figures it out in the next draft.

Script link: Dead Ahead

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Try to match up your character’s biggest fear with the task at hand. For example, Andrew has a fear of dead bodies. So what does he have to do? Transport a dead body. There’s a side-tip to this though. Don’t bury that fear amongst a bunch of other fears, or else the fear becomes negligible. Andrew’s ALSO afraid of a million other things, so the fear of dead bodies doesn’t resonate with the audience. I’d suggest stripping away all those other fears, just focusing on the fear of dead bodies, and then mine that fear as much as possible (he has to move the dead body, touch the dead body, undress and re-dress the dead body, pretend he’s the dead body, etc.).

Welcome. Come one. Come all. To the Second Not Exactly Annual Reader Top 25 List. It’s been awhile since our first list. All you need to do is read through it to see that. Most of the scripts on there have already been made. Which means it’s facelift time. Now, as far as what this list is, it is a list of the Scriptshadow Readers Top 25 favorite screenplays. The only stipulation is that the movie can’t have hit theaters yet.  So produced screenplays are eligible.

As for how the voting went, pay close attention because it’s a little confusing. I polled roughly 250 readers. Each reader sent me their Top 10 list. Every script on that list was assigned a point value of 1-10 depending on its placement. 1st place votes got 10 points. 2nd place votes got 9 points. 3rd place votes got 8 points. And so on down the line. I then added all those points together to determine the scripts’ standing. There’s a small twist. Anybody who had read more than 300 scripts in their life got double points. So their first place votes counted for 20 points, their second place points 18, etc. There were roughly 50 people who had read more than 300 scripts.

But none of that stuff is interesting to you right now. You want results. Just make sure you stick around afterwards . Because at the end of the list, you’ll find the TOP 5 AMATEUR SCRIPTS REVIEWED ON SCRIPTSHADOW. Yes, we voted on those too. And I think the Top 5 are quite good. Anyway, let’s get to the lists!

#25 (94 pts) College Republicans
Writer: Wes Jones
Premise: Aspiring politician Karl Rove runs a dirty campaign for the national College Republican Chairman under the guidance of Lee Atwater, his campaign manager.
About: Number 1 on the 2010 Black List. Shia LaBeouf is rumored to be up for the part of Karl Rove. The rest of the internet is reporting this as a comedy. But I don’t remember laughing. In fact, I don’t remember really connecting with it at all. Then again, this isn’t my list, it’s yours!

#24 (100 pts) The Voices
Writer: Michael R. Perry
Premise: A disturbed man with a good heart is tormented by his talking pets, who convince him to do things he’d rather not do.
About: This one is number 5 on my list. It also finished number 3 on the 2009 Black List. Last I heard Ben Stiller is still connected to the project. Michael R. Perry recently penned the Paranormal Activity 2 script. Which is of course a LIE because that movie is REAL!

#23 (102 pts) L.A. Rex
Writer: Will Beall (based on his novel)
Premise: Rookie LAPD officer Ben Halloran gets partnered with scarred and tobacco-spitting Officer Marquez, and the unlikely team hit the streets of L.A. on the brink of a gang-rivalry explosion amid run-ins with the Mexican mafia, brutal gang murders, and corrupt cops.
About: Will Beall’s been writing a lot of stuff lately. And I know Roger really dug this. But I took one look at the 18,000 pages with dual line dialogue and said “no thank you.” Plus the premise sounded too scattershot to me. I like my crime movies simple. Like Training Day. Still, lots of people seem to like this one.

#22 (116 pts) The Muppet Man
Writer: Christopher Weekes
Premise: A look at the final weeks of Jim Henson’s life, the creator of the most famous puppet franchise of all time, The Muppets.
About: Number 1 on the 2009 Black List. The script actually sold to the Henson company, though it’s not clear if they bought it to make or to make sure it wouldn’t get made. It’s a pretty intense look at the muppet creator and that may scare them. The ending here made me cry like a baby. An interesting script indeed.

#21 (136 pts) After Hailey
Writer: Scott Frank (based on a novel by Jonathan Tropper)
Premise: After a newlywed war photographer’s wife dies, he must decide whether to help out her troubled son from a previous marriage or move on and start a new life.
About: This is one of the more famous unmade scripts in Hollywood. Everyone seems to read it expecting nothing, then comes out of it floored – turning people into After Hailey converts. Not sure what the status is, but I have a hard time believing this won’t get made at some point. It’s better than almost all of the other character pieces out there. The next The Kids Are All Right.

#20 (140 pts) Father Daughter Time
Writer: Matthew Aldrich
Premise: A man goes on the lam with his daughter on a 3-state crime spree.
About: This is the script that caused that big bidding war a few months ago and the brouhaha between Matt Damon and Warners. He wanted to develop it himself to direct. Then Warners tried to outbid him. Then they both agreed to work on it together, though it’s unclear if Damon is completely happy with that arrangement (studio interference is never a good thing for creatvity). I still haven’t read the script, but it seems to be popular. A lot of readers have personally told me how much they like it. Supposedly John Krasinski is Damon’s pick to star? I guess that’s one way to get out of the office.

#19 (143 pts) Seven Psychopaths
Writer: Martin McDonagh
Premise: A writer’s life is violently turned upside down when his friends kidnap a Mafioso’s dog.
About: “Seven Psychopaths” is McDonagh’s third film script. It’s his favorite unproduced script. At the age of 27, McDonagh became the first writer since Shakespeare to have four plays performed simultaneously in London. His plays have been nominated for multiple Tony Awards. He won an Oscar for his short, “Six Shooter”. He was also nominated for a Best Original Screenplay Oscar with “In Bruges”. I personally have never read this script. So I can’t offer any opinions on it. As much as this will piss everyone off, I never understood the love for In Bruges, so I never sought 7Psyche out.
Writer: Martin McDonagh.

#18 (155 pts) The F Word
Writer: Elan Mastai
Premise: A guy begins hanging out with a girl under the pretense that she’s single, only to later find out she has a boyfriend.
About: This one’s been talked about ad nauseam on the site so I won’t bore you with any more chatter. If you’d like to learn more about it, check out the review and then check out the interview I did with the writer, Elan.

#17 (170 pts) Gangster Squad
Writer: Will Beall
Premise: A chronicle of the LAPD’s fight to keep East Coast Mafia types out of Los Angeles in the 1940s and 50s.
About: Warners is really high on this one and everyone tells me it’s great. I still haven’t read it yet though, and that’s because I still can’t get past the thought of those entire acts shown through dual-side dialogue in Beall’s other script, L.A. Rex. I imagine it taking me like 6 hours to read the script. Still, that’s pretty impressive. Two scripts on the Reader Top 25. Beall is definitely a writer to watch out for. Ryan Gosling will star. Ruben Fleischer, director of Zombieland, is attached to direct this one. Help me out here. Is this a comedy?

#16 (173 pts) All You Need Is Kill
Writer: Dante Harper (based on the Japanese novel by Hiroshi Sakurazaka)
Premise: A young soldier on an alien planet is forced to fight an impossible battle against an alien force every single day as if the previous day didn’t exist. In doing so, he becomes an ultimate warrior.
About: This was a seven figure spec deal from last year. It’s stayed with me since I read it and could contain some of the most outrageous action sequences ever put on film. Who’s going to figure out how to pull those scenes off though is anyone’s guess. I know Doug Liman was attached to this for awhile but I don’t know who’s onboard currently.

#15 (199 pts) Dogs Of Babel
Writer: Jamie Linden (based on the novel by Carolyn Parkhurst)
Premise: When a dog is the only witness to a woman’s death, her husband tries to teach the dog how to talk so he can find out what happened to her.
About: Number 1 on the Carson Top 25! Woo-hoo! Since reviewed on Scriptshadow, Steve Carrell became attached to this project. It’s time for Steve to stop messing around and admit he’s a Scriptshadow fan since he attaches himself to half the projects I review on here. Come on Steven. Fess up.

#14 (211 pts) Mixtape
Writer: Stacy Menear
Premise: A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to her deceased parents, accidentally destroys it, and must use the song list to find all the music.
About: Finished with 14 votes on 2009’s Black List. Seth Gordon was attached to direct and Chloe Moretz was attached to star but since then, both of their careers have shot into the stratosphere so I don’t know if they’re still planning to make this. But SOMEONE needs to make this. Get on it Hollywood. Ya jackals.(read an interview I did with Stacy here)

#13 (224 pts) Roundtable
Writer: Brian K. Vaughn
Premise: Merlin assembles a group of modern-day knights to battle a resurrected ancient evil, but all that’s available are an alcoholic ex-Olympian, a geriatric actor, a grumpy billionaire, and a nerdy scientist.
About: This one’s been called the next Ghostbusters…well…since before Ghostbusters. Of all of Vaughn’s scripts, this one holds the most promise by far, but for whatever reason is stuck in development hell. One of these days a Hollywood exec should create a development heaven. Just to make people feel a little better about their projects. Ya know?

#12 (257 pts) Tell No One
Writers: Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman
Premise: A widowed social worker receives a strange message that forces him to reevaluate what happened the day his wife was murdered.
About: Hollywood’s so out of ideas these days that they’re actually adapting something that was made in another country that was adapted from their own country. What’s next? As I mentioned yesterday, Ben Affleck is now directing this, and he’s using Argo screenwriter Chris Terrio to rewrite it for him. Which, you know, is so Hollywood. Cause they can’t just use the script that’s already awesome. Maybe Terrio was hired to get rid of all of Orci and Kurtzaman’s underlining and italics?

#11 (262 pts) Nautica (aka “Riptide”)
Writer: Richard McBrien
Premise: An investigator tries to solve a murder case on a ship that involves a handyman, a young stock broker and the stock broker’s girlfriend. We shift back and forth through points of view to tell the story.
About: Nautica was originally written and sold back in 2001 and was going to be directed by Tarsem Singh. Right now, Brad Pitt and Shia Labeouf are rumored to play roles in the film. I’ve heard that this movie is moving forward, but you never can tell these days. Count this as the biggest surprise of the list. I did not know there was so much love for Nautica.
Writer: Richard McBrien

#10 (315 pts) Safe House
Writer: David Guggenheim
Premise: When a group of villains destroy a CIA-operated safe house, the facility’s young house-sitter must work to move the criminal who’s being hidden there to another secure location.
About: This was one of those dream spec situations. It sold for a bunch of money then went on the fast track to a green light. It’s now starring Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds, even though I coulda swore they just co-starred in that movie Unstoppable. They should think of combining these two movies into something called “The Unstoppable House.” It would be about a “wide load” freeway house that’s on a rampage to kill every car on the road. Throw in a chimpanzee and you’re talking half a billion worldwide at least.

#9 (388 pts) Seeking A Friend At The End Of The World
Writer: Lorene Scafaria
Premise: A lonely man meets up with a strange woman a week before the earth is to be destroyed by an asteroid.
About: Lorene was able to nab Steve Carrell and Keira Knightly to star in this, her directing debut. The film is shooting right now. Since she only has one produced credit, this just shows you the power of a great script. Write one and who knows, you could be directing Steve Carrell (or even better – Ryan Reynolds!) in four months.

#8 (440 pts) Django Unchained
Writer: Quentin Tarantino
Premise: A slave-turned-bounty hunter sets out to rescue his wife from the brutal Calvin Candie, a Mississippi plantation owner.
About: Still haven’t read this one and don’t know if I will. Might just wait for the film. What a cast, huh? DiCaprio. Sam Jackson, Waltz, Kevin Costner, Jamie Foxx. This was pretty much a no-brainer for the Top 10.

#7 (507 pts) Passengers
Writer: Jon Spaihts
Premise: A spacecraft transporting thousands of people to a distant planet has a malfunction in one of its sleep chambers. As a result, a single passenger is awakened 90 years before anyone else. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he wakes up a second passenger whom he’s fallen in love with.
About: Didn’t like this one initially but must admit, it’s grown on me. It’s basically like Titanic on a spaceship, but with the weird twist of it not being anything like that. I hope they make this cause it will be one of the more interesting movies of the decade.

#6 (537 pts) Drive
Writer: Hossein Amini (adapted from the novel by James Sallis)
Premise: A stunt driver moonlighting as a getaway driver gets caught up in a job that’s over his head.
About: Nicolas Winding Refn directs Ryan Gosling. This film won best director at Cannes. It is in my personal Top 10. It’s a sweet script. But I never read the 98 page version. I only read the 120+ behemoth. So it’ll be interesting to see what they cut out.

#5 (565 pts) The Grey
Writers: Joe Carnahan and Ian Mackenzie Jeffers (based on the short story ‘Ghost Walkers’ by Ian Mackenzie Jeffers)
Premise: A group of oil drillers on a plane ride home, crash in the arctic tundra, where they become hunted by a vicious pack of overgrown wolves.
About: Good news. Carnahan has already gone and shot this movie and I’m hearing good things. It stars Liam Neeson in the title role. Not much else to say other than give me my plane crash with a side order of WOLF KILLINGS!

#4 (571 pts) Untitled Chef Project
Writer: Steven Knight
Premise: A selfish workaholic chef tries to get back into the restaurant game after a much publicized meltdown years ago.
About: One of the best leading man roles available in a screenplay at this moment and time. Yet nobody’s taking it. Why? I’m guessing cause the script is wrapped up in too much money? Anyway, Mr. Fincher, if you’re not going to make this, please let someone else make it. (you can find this script online by searching for the title and “pdf”)

#3 (599 pts) The Brigands Of Rattleborge
Writer: S. Craig Zahler
Premise: A group of bandits use the cover of a torrential thunderstorm to rob the occupants of a small town.
About: Revenge on the brain? I should think so. Brigands got new life when it was re-optioned last year. But we’re still waiting for this potential classic to hit production. If Untitled Chef Project has the best leading man role in a script right now, this one has 1a. Abraham will be a classic character for whomever plays him. In the meantime, pop in that old copy of Once Upon On A Time In The West. We have a year or two ahead of us before this sees movement. 

#2 (607 pts) Smoke and Mirrors
Writers: Lee and Janet Scott Batchler
Premise: The reclusive “Father of Modern Magic”, Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin, is called upon by the French government to debunk an Algerian sorcerer who is using his feats of magic to spearhead a civil war.
About: This script sold for 1 million bucks back in 1994. It’s always been a town favorite and at one point Steven Spielberg was attached. It was one of those movies that felt like a sure thing, but then actors kept dropping out and eventually the buzz died. Now it’s just stuck in that weird purgatory, where people still love the script, but they consider it a relic of the 90s. I still haven’t read it yet but I will one of these days. :)

#1 (648 pts) Killing On Carnival Row
Writer: Travis Beacham
Premise: In the city of The Burgue, a police inspector pursues a serial killer who is targeting fairies.
About: And so it is! Carnival Row takes the number one spot! True I never got into this, but it seems to capture the hearts of film geeks everywhere. I doth not protest. I do think it would be a great film to make, especially with Del Toro doing the directing, but he’s so swamped with shit that that’s probably not going to happen. Let’s hope some talented new director jumps in and makes this happen. I can still see the trailer in my head.

And NOW, for the list you’ve REALLY been waiting for. Yup. It’s time for the AMATEUR TOP 5. Pfft, screw that whole Professional Top 25 shit. This is the real deal. To give you some perspective, there have been around 60 amateur scripts reviewed since the birth of Scriptshadow. Roughly 45 people voted for their Top 5. Scripts just missing the cut were Wrong Number, Disappearing World, Real Men Play Futebol, 360, Bass Champion, and Tribute. Here, now, are the Top 5. And the great thing about these five? You can download the scripts inside the reviews! So hop on over there and start reading yourselves. Drumroll please……

#5 (29 points) The Black Soul Of Elijah Harden
Writer: E. Joshua Eanes
Premise: Days away from his execution, the most notorious man in America awakens with amnesia and quickly discovers that his condition might be the result of more than a seizure induced head injury.
About: Readers complained of its messiness, but there was no doubt that this script had something. If Josh can sharpen up the edges, not gloss over the details, it could be a really cool screenplay. One of the few amateur scripts to get a “worth the read” on the site.

#4 (41 points) The Sleep Of Reason
Writer: Lee Matthias
Premise: After his wife goes missing, a man heads to the darkest reaches of Transylvania to find her.
About: This one is slow going, but it’s rich with detail and probably my personal favorite Amateur Friday script. I feel like if Matthias can loosen up his writing style so that the description isn’t so dense, this script will be easier to read, and therefore gain more fans.

#3 (44 points) Alien Diaries
Writer: Glenn J. Devlin
Premise: A book appraiser working at an old farm mansion finds a diary that implies the family who used to live there 200 years ago may have come in contact with a crashed alien ship.
About: There’s no doubt Glenn has one of the best loglines out there. It’s got him a ton of reads. But the story itself is a tough one to tell, and to be honest, I’m still not sure how I would tell it myself. But if he can somehow crack this, it’s got the kind of hook that could lead to a big sale.

#2 (62 points) The Bridge
Writers: Dominic Morgan & Matt Cameron Harvey
Premise: A convict and a construction crew inadvertently spark a gun battle when they rescue a woman on the run from her violent husband and his dangerous associates. Trapped on a mile-long bridge and cut off from the outside world, they have to band together to survive a 5 hour siege.
About: I’m going to tell you why this was number two on the list. Because even if you didn’t love it, you could see it as a movie. And that’s more important than you know. There are a lot of good ideas out there that don’t necessarily make good movies. This is something you can imagine making it to the big screen.

#1 (75 points) The Imagineer
Writer: Brendan Lee
Premise: The life story of one of the most creative minds of all time, Walt Disney.
About: Being a non-biopic guy, Brendan knew getting me to like this would be an uphill battle. And ultimately those biopic tropes did keep me from appreciating it as much as it probably deserved. But I’m so glad I reviewed it anyway because it’s connected with so many people. I know Brendan was offered a new job due to the The Imagineer review on Scriptshadow, and maybe this number one all time Amateur Scriptshadow ranking will lead to even more success. Congrats Brendan! Your peers have spoken. :)

And that’s it my friends. Feel free to discuss! Also, for you amateur writers who placed or finished in the Top 5, many members have e-mailed me wishing to hear your follow-up stories. Where are the scripts now? Give us a breakdown of what’s happened since then. What’s next!? Also, if anyone wants to highlight a great professional script that not many people know about, please do so. Let’s find a few more gems and pull them out of the Hollywood gutter. Let’s put them in Development Heaven.

Genre: Spy/Thriller
Premise: The true story of how the CIA, with help from Hollywood, used a fake movie project to smuggle hostages out of Tehran during the 1979 hostage crisis.
About: Argo, which finished high on 2010’s Black List, is Ben Affleck’s next directing project. The script is based on an article written in Wired Magazine which you can find here (http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/15.05/feat_cia.html). Chris Terrio, the writer, has been making some noise lately. He’s rewriting Scriptshadow favorite Tell No One, also for Ben Affleck. He adapted a project called “Snakehead,” about human smuggling, last year. He broke onto the scene in 2007 with writing partner Jesse Lichtenstein with a Black List script titled “Baltimore,” about the only other time in history a city in the continental United States has been attacked by a foreign enemy besides September 11th.
Writer: Chris Terrio (based on an article written by Joshuah Bearman)
Details: 118 pages – March 25, 2010 draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

No, Argo is not a prequel to Fargo. But I will say that the Coen Brothers could go absolutely bat-fucking- insane with this script. It’s that bizarre. And it’s appropriate we’re talking about titles because Argo is a great example of how a bad or vague or uninspiring title can affect the chances of a script getting read. Lots of people have been telling me about Argo. But every time I considered picking it up, I kept thinking of that title. “Argo.” It just sounded boring.

Now of course this was developed through a production company – and is NOT a spec script – so different rules apply. They don’t have to wow a reader with a great title because the people they’re sending it to already know what they’ll be reading. You don’t have that luxury unfortunately. Your title is your 60 million dollar marketing campaign. It is the only billboard the world will see before they read your work. Better make it good.

Anyway, Argo throws you right into the heart of the hurricane to start its 118 pages of craziness. So much is going on, in fact, that I can’t possibly explain it all. But the nuts and bolts is that it’s 1979, and CIA agent Tony Mendez is extracting another CIA agent out of an impossible to get-out-of situation. This is what Tony does. He charges in when Americans are in trouble and gets them out of sticky situations. As you’ll see, this will become important later on.

Now for those of you who have never been to Los Angeles and seen the Persian empire that now resides at the heart of the town, you probably don’t know much about the revolution that happened back in Iran in 1979. I don’t claim to be an authority on it either, but basically, the lower class rose up and booted the upper class out. All the rich Persians needed somewhere to go, so they flew to Los Angeles. Now at the time, the U.S. had an embassy in Tehran, Iran’s capital. So the Iranian people stormed the embassy and held a bunch of the workers hostage for over a year. It was a huge brouhaha and the U.S. government looked like bumbling idiots for how long it took them to resolve the thing.

What not a lot of people know, is that five of the Americans at the embassy were able to escape before it was overrun. And they went into hiding in the city. Argo is about a team led by Tony Mendez tasked with getting those people out of there.

Now for obvious reasons, Americans couldn’t just drop into Iran at the time. I mean sure, you could book a vacation there if you really wanted to. But you’d probably end up with a permanent blindfold and a really hefty late fee on that Chevy Caprice rental. So the CIA had to be more clever. Hence, Tony and his crew came up with the idea to create a fake Canadian film (the biggest Canadian film in history) that wanted to shoot the bulk of its movie in Iran. They would go there to “scout” their film, covertly grab the 5 Americans, then get on a plane to freedom.

Here’s where Argo gets fun though. The movie they were “making” was basically the next Star Wars. Or “the Canadian Star Wars.” This would’ve been a huge deal back then, since Star Wars had only hit theaters two years earlier. This film, of course, is titled, “Argo.” (no confirmation yet on whether this later became “Delgo”)

Now the CIA knew that they needed this to look legit. So they actually found a movie producer and started up pre-production on the thing. They started casting. They drew storyboards. They even wrote a script! And a lot of these people (if I’m to understand correctly) had no idea they were part of a secret CIA operation.

The heart of the movie is once they get all their ducks in a row, they head over to Tehran – the most enemy of enemy territories at the time – and grab their hidden embassy members. But they can’t just leave right away. They’re on a locked-in pre-approved schedule with the Iranian government. So they have to go out, do some location scouting, all with the newly acquired members, who know nothing about filmmaking. It’s pretty riveting stuff. And overall just a wicked-awesome idea, as Ben Affleck would say.

Here’s the first thing I realized while reading Argo. There’s never been another movie like it. It’s completely unique. It’s its own thing. And it wasn’t until I realized that, that it became clear how valuable a commodity the project was. I mean you have a spy movie here. You have an international crisis movie. And you have a comedy of sorts of these people putting together a fake Star Wars film. Can you imagine the possibilities?

This isn’t in the script but I’m hoping Affleck realizes the potential here. Imagine being able to do fake 1979 acting auditions for roles in the film? Imagine putting sets together for a Star Wars rip-off movie? Shooting test scenes? This movie could be so fucking hilarious and out there. And again, it’s like a director’s dream. You get to cover so many different areas with the material.

I only had two big problems with the screenplay. The first was the first act, which read like Aaron Sorkin plowed through a case of Miller High Life then ingested half a pound of speed. We’re jumping around to all these different people walking and talking in important hallways in different countries and it was way too fucking much. It was so chaotic, in fact, that I almost gave up after 20 pages. It was a mess. Luckily, once we shift to the actual plan, the script finds its focus.

This is something I see more on the amateur level actually. Really ambitious first acts with tons of stuff going on but zero focus. You have to remember this is the first thing your reader reads – the first act. If there’s 50 characters in 15 pages and we’ve jumped from 5 different continents, chances are we’re not going to be intrigued. We’re going to be annoyed. You can create mystery in your first act. But you must do so with focus. It must feel like there’s a plan. I didn’t feel that in Argo at all.

Also, the central set piece seems to be the location scout in Tehran. I didn’t think this was big enough to carry the biggest moment of the movie. I felt like they needed to get into something more intense and scary. Walking into the heart of Tehran as a group of hated Americans posing as Canadians will no doubt make a great scene. But I don’t know. It seemed like it was missing something. Maybe they should actually have to shoot a test scene. Really put these characters who know nothing about filmmaking to the test. Or maybe the president of Iran (whose son is supposedly a huge Star Wars geek) invites the film crew to a prestigious dinner. Now you’re talking.

Still, this script is so different from anything I’ve ever read. It’s officially on my most anticipated list of next year. The only question left to ask is this: Is there indeed a script somewhere out there of Argo? Does some studio executive have this thing collecting dust in a box? If so, I absolutely have to read it. That would be hilarious to review. House that Death Built would have nothing on this. Please, if you know anything about this script, contact me. I have to have it!

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Argo uses dual-column dialogue pretty liberally. However, I would recommend against it for your own screenplay. Sometimes you have to use it, but it’s rare I read a script that uses it for more than one line. I don’t know any readers who like the practice and the reason is we have to read one column then we have to trudge over and read a whole other column. It takes twice the time and doesn’t even achieve the desired effect. The effect is supposed to be two people talking at the same time. But if we’re reading the two columns separately, how does that sound like two people talking simultaneously? It’s just a clumsy device. I would avoid it.

Genre: Drama/Mystery/Procedural/Love Story
Premise: An arsonist begins to fall for a woman while being pursued for an accidental murder he committed during his latest arson.
About: The Arsonist’s Love Story was a lower-half 2010 Black List script. Though I don’t know this for sure, I believe the writer, Lovejoy, wrote it as an undergrad at NYU.  Lovejoy hosted a TV series back in 2007 called “Life After Film School” where she interviewed some pretty big names, including the Farrelly Brothers, Doug Liman, Jason Reitman, Kurtzman and Orci, and others. She was also an assistant on the TV show, Eureka.
Writer: Katherine F. Lovejoy
Details: 118 pages – undated

Every once in awhile, you gotta burn something. Whether it be a piece of paper, a bunch of trash, or a Ford Dealership. I think we can all relate to the feeling of needing to burn down a Ford Dealership, right?

Stop! Don’t go reporting me to Homeland Security just yet. That was sarcasm people. I am not a closet pyromaniac. At least not yet. That might change after this review.

The reason I picked up these 118 sheets of red hot digital paper was because they sounded different. A love story based around arson. That could be out there man. I’d definitely never heard of anything like it before, and its Black List status gave it the cachet it needed to take a chance.

But 72 hours later I’m still not exactly sure what I’ve read. This was an odd duck. An odd flaming duck. And I’m either too stupid to understand it (totally plausible) or this story was as muddied as a jungle stroll after a thunderstorm.

28 year old Aiden Kinsley is mysterious and brooding and handsome. The kind of guy who gets what he wants just by flashing a grin. He’s Robert Pattinson without sunblock. Appropriately, he works in the art world as a dealer, getting museums to sign half million dollar checks for white canvases with red dots in the middle.

But Aiden has a big secret. He moonlights as an arsonist. Oh yeah. Aiden just looooves setting things on fire. We actually see him dump buckets of gasoline all over a local car dealership at 3 in the morning and light that shit up. Boom. Boom! BOOM! Every car on the lot blows up. Hell yeah. I know when I have a choice between the latest episode of Entourage and setting 7 million dollars worth of property on fire, I pick fire every time.

When arson inspector Klein Stephens shows up the next day, he discloses to us the path of destruction this mysterious arsonist has left over the past few years, setting dozens of fires all over the city. But this one is different. That’s because they find a barbecued dead female body in the back. Now Aiden’s no longer just an arsonist. He’s a murderer.

Aiden’s pretty torn up about this, but he’s also got to watch his back. So he takes the initiative, finds out where Klein hangs out in his off-time, and shows up there, using his charm to build a false friendship. His hope is to keep abreast of any developments in the case so he can stave them off.

Also, for reasons which still escape me, Aiden shows up at Klein’s teenage son’s school to befriend him as well. Luckily for the story, his son happens to be a painter, allowing Aiden to befriend him in a legitimate way – key since Klein finds out Aiden is hanging out with his son behind his back. Now if some mysterious dude “accidentally” ran into me at the park and then later I found out he also “accidentally” met and started hanging out with my son, I would probably think something was up. Especially if I was a policeman. Not Klein. He just shrugs it off and rolls with it, inviting Aiden into the family.

But the real meat of the story occurs when Aiden meets Maya, a singer (actress?) at a bar he frequents. She’s beautiful, sensual, and talented, and unlike most of the women Aiden meets, she doesn’t throw herself at him. That challenge forces Aiden to open up in ways he never has before, and before he knows it, he’s actually in love with the chick. But that love will be tested in ways he can never imagine, especially once the shocking ending to The Arsonist’s Love Story reveals itself.

The Arsonist’s Love story has two major problems. The first is that the story is REALLY murky. I was constantly reading pages twice to try and figure out what was going on. This is likely a consequence of the surprise ending. When you have a big twist, you’re forced to fudge a lot of the earlier details to make sure you don’t give that twist away. If you cheat too much though – if you’re forced to hide too many of the details – the story loses its shape. And I’m afraid that’s what happened here.

For example, I couldn’t for the life of me understand why Aiden became friends with Klein’s son. I guess it was an attempt to infuse some conflict into the story. But I mean come on. If you’re the dad, there’s no way you’re not picking up on that coincidence.

Then there was the art dealer job. The art stuff had nothing to do with the story other than giving Aiden a plausible reason for hanging out with Klein’s son. But really, he could have been anything. A computer technician. A carpenter. A pilot. And it wouldn’t have affected the plot at all.

Then there were little things. For example, after the female body is discovered in the early arson attack, we see Aiden combing through the obituaries. In them, he finds Klein’s dead wife. Now I don’t know about you, but if a guy accidentally kills someone in an arson fire, then is looking through the obituaries, then finds a woman – isn’t it natural to assume that the woman he finds is the one he killed in the fire? Of course. But later we find out that Klein’s wife died awhile back, and he was just looking through the obituaries to get some dirt on Klein. This lack of clarity permeated through the screenplay.

The second major problem is the ending. I’m not going to spoil it here but let’s just say that if it made sense, I didn’t understand it. Oftentimes, writers feel that if they give you a general sense of what happened, that that’s enough. You can fill in the rest yourself. But if everything is unclear, how are we supposed to fill the rest in? For example, why did the location of the dead body change from the opening of the screenplay to the end of the screenplay? These details are never explained. And we’re just asked to go with it.

There’s some good to be found here. For example, just before the climax, we were really starting to get into some interesting stuff with Aiden and Maya. Their relationship was finally hitting its stride. The manufactured pasts were stripped away and it was more about two people who have trouble connecting with others finally finding a connection.

I also feel that women are going to enjoy this more than men. I can’t really say why but I feel like Lovejoy is writing to a female demographic here less concerned about the story logic and more focused on the emotion. It’s steamy. It’s passionate. It’s wrapped in this umbrella of heat and fire. In the same way I don’t understand Twilight’s appeal, I don’t think I’m fully able to appreciate Arsonist’s appeal.

But all I have to go on is my own opinion. And there was just too much murkiness here. The story was unclear. The characters were unclear. I could never get a feel for what was going on.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I would stay away from peanut gallery admirations of your own dialogue. I see this occasionally, and it always pulls me out of the story. Here’s an example. When Aiden and Maya first meet, he tells her that she’s into him, even though she’s pretending not to be. She asks him how he knows that. “Because this city is full of people who bore you,” he says, “and you think I might be interesting.” The next line of description reads: “Whoa. Not the ordinary pick up line.” I don’t think this was Lovejoy’s intent, but this line basically sounds like a writer patting herself on the back. Let your dialogue speak for itself. You don’t have to give yourself a public hug when you come up with something good.