Affleck’s decided on another project and it looks like it’s going to be “Tell No One,” one of my Top 10 scripts.  Except he’s NOT using the Orci Kurtzman draft.  Why?  No idea.  It’s ready to shoot this instant.  There’s nothing you can really do to make it better, except maybe take out all the underlining and capitalization.  Are Hollywood politics involved somehow? Read about Affleck attaching himself to the project at Deadline Hollywood then go read my review of the Orci-Kurtzman draft here.

Genre: Dark Comedy
Premise: Two royally screwed up roommates secretly in love with each other throw a massive Jim Jones party on the eve of their suicide.
About: This was Joshua James’ first screenplay, which has been optioned on two occasions and has gotten him numerous writing jobs around town, including an adaptation of the book, DOWN & DIRTY PICTURES. Although he’s moved mainly into thrillers (He’s working on “A Black Heart” with Captivate Ent. and “Block Island” with Adler-Grey), The Jones Party is a favorite of his which he’d like to see made one day. James has his own blog where he ruminates on screenwriting whenever he gets a chance.
Writer: Joshua James
Details: 106 pages (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

One of the things I tell new writers is to just write that first script and get it out of the way. Cause it’s going to be bad. Actually, I’m being generous. It’s going to be terrible. That’s not something to get discouraged by though. It should be freeing. It means you get to go crazy, experiment, have fun, and enjoy the high of writing without consequences. Well not so fast, Carson. While the club is limited, there are writers out there who have thrived on their first script, and Joshua James is one of them. True, he’s rewritten it to death over the years, but The Jones Party is his first foray into the craft.

33 year old Derwin is one of those people who just oozes cool, who oozes nonchalance. Volleyball-sized meteor chunks could be raining down around him and he’d still find time to smoke a cigarette and ask you how your day went.

Hope is the polar opposite. Young and pretty, she’s got Woody Allen’s neuroses and Russell Crowe’s temperament. She’s strange and fleeting and bi-polar and moody. It’d take her a couple of minutes just to find and light the cigarette, much less smoke it.

I guess that’s what makes them perfect roommates. Their weaknesses are the other’s…non-weaknesses. I wouldn’t say strengths because I don’t know that they have any strengths. Sure, Derwin is cool, but he’s so emotionless and detached. And Hope? Well, a good day to her is just making it to the finish line.

Which might explain why they’ve decided to kill themselves. But being that they’re Derwin and Hope, they’re doing it in style. Instead of just hopping in the car and letting the exhaust take them to happy land, they’re executing a Jim Jones style “End Of The World” party. You know Jim Jones. That crazy religious dude who convinced 900 people to kill themselves with him so they could get into heaven through the back door or something?

Yeah, so Derwin and Hope invite anybody and everyone who wants to terminate their policy early to come over for one rockin party where there are no rules, no consequences, nothing to do but drink, get high, and have sex. Then, at 5 a.m., they drink some specially spiked Kool-Aid, and call it a life. With a lot of people out there sick of the way the big blue marble has treated them, let’s just say the party is a lively ticket.

While we bounce around from partygoer to partygoer (which includes a really clever device by James of having a “confessional” room where people just randomly rail on life), we keep coming back to Hope and Derwin. Though their relationship seemed to be so cut and dry at first, flashbacks (yes, dreaded flashbacks!) paint a more complicated picture, and we soon realize that these two are in love with each other but so afraid of emotion, of closeness, of committing to life, that they’ve been unable to admit it. So will they be able to admit it before it’s too late?

The Jones Party was a fun script and the neat thing about it is that it feels very much like a first screenplay, yet one that’s been reworked through the eyes of a wily vet. What I mean by “it feels like a first screenplay” is that there’s all this emotion, all this frustration, all this dialogue, all these flashbacks, all these fun little asides. When you first start out, you want to try a lot of things and you want to scream out to everyone and let them know how YOU feel, what YOUR position on the world is. A first screenplay tends to be the bullhorn that allows you to do that.

The problem is that, normally, that’s all it is – a big bottle of opinions and emotion. There’s no structure. There’s no form. And I don’t know what the very first draft of The Jones Party looked like, but I’m willing to bet it was a lot more ranting and a lot less direction than this.

Clearly, over the years, James has learned to give his stories purpose, and the mystery of what’s going to happen to Derwin and Hope helps guide this story to a perfect climax. To be honest, I was a little worried that this was going to be Dialogue Fest 3000, just a bunch of characters telling you how they felt about the world. But the flashbacks of Derwin and Hope not only brought direction back to the screenplay, they moved the story forward.

Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute.  How did flashbacks move the story forward? Isn’t that a paradox? Here’s how. Each flashback revealed a key piece of information about Derwin and Hope’s relationship that we didn’t know before. We thought they were just roommates. Oh wait, we find out Hope has feelings for Derwin. We think Derwin is impervious to feeling, but oh wait, we learn that he does indeed feel. These increased our appetite for an answer to the question – will Derwin and Hope realize they love each other in time to call off the suicide? It’s a powerful question. And one we desperately want answered.

And to me, that’s what really separated this script from all the wannabes – the ending. (Spoilers!) The script’s tone dictates that anything other than suicide will be a cheat. So the story is kind of handcuffed in that sense. It has only one option. Kill off its characters. Somehow, and I’m still marveling at how he did it, James managed to accomplish this but still keep his characters alive in a believable satisfying way. You’ll have to read it yourself to find out how. But I thought it was the perfect ending.

Longtime Scriptshadow readers will be quick to point out that there is no character goal (other than to kill themselves – although that’s not really a goal since it’s already pre-determined). But remember, if you don’t have a character goal driving your story, you need a compelling question in its place, and The Jones Party has one: Will Hope and Derwin get together before it’s too late? As long as we care about the answer to that question, we will stay interested the entire time. Not to mention, the time frame is so tight here (less than 8 hours) that the structure becomes focused almost by necessity.

I liked the dialogue a lot. I liked that the script got me thinking what I would do with 8 hours to go and no consequences. Always good when a script breaks that fourth wall and makes you an active participant. My complaints are few. I didn’t like the opening. It was confusing. Something happens in the closet and then Hope breaks out in a clown suit with a gun. It felt like a very “writerly” moment. In other words, I could feel the writer’s hand from above. And it led to more confusion than intrigue, at least for me.

And the only reason I don’t give this an impressive is because it’s not the kind of film that I’m personally into. Yes, it wisely peppers its story with humor. But we’re still talking about suicide here, not the kind of subject matter I typically block out my Friday nights for. In a strange way, this is a script you battle with just as much as you enjoy, and it’ll be interesting to see how people react to that.

Still, this was really solid writing, and I can totally see why it’s helped James carve out a career.

Edit: Josh has ok’d me posting the script.  Link: The Jones Party

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Again, if you’re going to write about something really depressing, it’s a good idea to do so from a humorous angle. If The Jones Party would’ve been a straight drama, it would have been dead (no pun intended) by page 10. It would have been a Depressing Fest, the worst kind of scripts there are. Humor is to depressing subject matter what the Iron Man suit is to Tony Stark.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A socially unaware blissfully inept moron named Doug Himelfarb falls in love with a woman on their first date and surprises her by showing up at her parent’s home for Thanksgiving.
About: Himelfarb sold as a spec script to Warner Brothers back in 2006 and was the first sale for writers Paul and Mogel. It also finished in tenth place on the 2006 Black List. The writers got their first produced credit with Jim Carrey’s “Yes Man” a few years back and have a half dozen projects in development, including “Harvey and Marky: A True Story of Friendship and Betrayal” about childhood friends Harvey and Marky, who reach an impasse when the shy Marky falls in love and the domineering Harvey hires a fake girlfriend in order to show him up. Paul is also an actor and has had many bit parts in movies and TV. He was also a staff writer on a few series, including Stargate: SG1.
Writers: Jarrad Paul and Andrew Mogel
Details: 117 pages, June 20, 2006 (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time the film is released. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

After reading Himelfarb, I was convinced that Jarrad and Andrew, the writers, had somehow managed to build a time machine, travel back to the year 2009, watch The Hangover, travel back, and write this script. “Oh no,” you’re saying. “Not another Hangover clone.” Oh don’t worry. Himelfarb is nothing like The Hangover. My theory is based on the premise that these two managed to write the perfect character for Zach Galifianakis before anyone knew about Zach Galifianakis. I mean, try to read a single line of Himelfarb’s dialogue without thinking of the portly Between Two Ferns host. Seriously. At certain points, I would physically see an animated version of the comedian dancing on my screen between lines. It’s that obvious.

Doug Himelfarb’s been hurt, man. He’s been scalded by the pain of love. His old girlfriend, who he broke up with by the way (according to him) has left a hole in his heart that he doesn’t know how to fill. Luckily he’s got his filmmaking career to fall back on, if you consider making self-funded test commercials for companies that ignore you a “career.”

Himelfarb’s partner in crime is his younger brother, Sandy. After their father died, Himelfarb’s become the father figure of the clan, and has made the still mourning Sandy his personal assistant, a position Sandy takes very seriously, despite having no idea what a personal assistant does and rarely doing his job right.

Himelfarb feels that it’s finally time to get back on the dating horse, so he sets up a blind date online. When the attractive small-town actress, Julia, first sees Himelfarb, she tries to escape, but he spots her just before she’s able to slip away, and the date begins. Within ten minutes, Himelfarb proceeds to break up with her because he realizes that while he’s ready to love, he’s still not over his ex, still not ready to move on. Julia, who’s terrified by Himelfarb and wants nothing to do with him, points out that they can’t break up if they’re not together. But Himelfarb won’t hear such nonsense. He assures her that even though this relationship is over, they can still be friends.

Over the ensuing weeks, Himelfarb suspects that he made a mistake, and starts writing Julia, and calling Julia, and writing Julia, and calling Julia. He begins to suspect that something’s wrong because Julia doesn’t write or call back. He remembers her talking about going back to her hometown for Thanksgiving during their date. So he grabs Sandy, drives cross-country, and prepares to surprise her.

Back at Julia’s parents’ house, Julia’s dealing with everybody’s favorite time, the annual Thanksgiving Break “Why The Fuck Don’t You Have A Husband Yet?” parental interrogation. So to get them off her back, she tells them she’s met a guy, using Doug’s name because he was the last person she went out with. How could she have possibly known that Doug would then show up a few minutes later?

The parents are thrilled, taken by Himelfarb’s strange but optimistic demeanor, and we quickly morph into “Meet The Parents: Bizarro World” version, as Himelfarb tells Julia he’s ready to take the next step and Julia tries desperately to get him the hell out of here, a task that’s proving more and more difficult as Himelfarb burrows his way further into the family’s good graces. The big question is, will Himelfarb be able to win over Julia herself? The answer, of course (spoiler alert), is no.

You’ll rarely get me to say I liked a script with a weak story. But sometimes, if the main character is interesting/unusual/funny enough, it can happen. Such is the case with Himelfarb. I couldn’t tell you what happens once Himelfarb gets to Julia’s house. There’s something about a pagent and Julia’s younger adopted sister or something. I don’t know and I didn’t care. All I cared about was hearing what this majorly delusional weirdo would say next, because most of the time, it was hilarious.

I would go so far as to rate the first act of Himelfarb “genius.” Watching Julia mistake a much handsomer more charming man for him on their blind date, then Himelfarb cutting in and saying, “Actually, I’m your date,” seeing her devastated reaction, yet still soldiering on excitedly, was perfect. Watching HImelfarb break up with Julia ten minutes later. Classic. Watching him teach his brother, Sandy, how to be more socially aware, despite being the most socially unaware person on the planet. Hilarious.

Of course the script changes radically once Himelfarb gets to Julia’s place. And that’s where things start to dissolve on the story front. Julia just happens to tell her parents that she’s dating Doug mere minutes before he shows up, forcing her to go along with Himelfarb’s claim that they’re together? I’d call that quite convenient timing for the story and we never quite buy it, knowing that in the real world, she would’ve had him out on his ass within 60 seconds.

But here’s where the genius of Himelfarb lies. You don’t care. You don’t care because Himelfarb is so damn funny and so damn clueless that it doesn’t matter. When he starts directing the rehearsal for the pagent, and is in charge of coaxing a realistic performance out of Julia (who, amongst other things, is dealing with her imminent failure as an actress), and tells her that she’s doing it all wrong….just seeing the rage build on Julia’s face is enough to make you forgive the script’s many other shortcomings.

On a technical note, I loved what these writers did with parentheticals. A lot of writers stay away from parentheticals because they consider them “directing the actors,” which is supposedly a no-no in screenwriting. But parentheticals can be a very handy tool in comedy, as long as they enhance the line or the line reading. “not interested at all,” “dramatic pause,” “very uncomfortable,” “annoyed,” all added context to the lines that followed and made them much funnier.

Predictably, where this script loses its mojo is in its length. At 117 pages, it’s 17 pages too long and you feel it with every pointless scene. Not only that, but this is a thin premise. Guy crashes girl’s Thanksgiving. You don’t need 117 pages to tell that story. I can buy 117 pages if you have a character going back in time trying to reunite his parents before attempting to get back to the future. But this is a story that takes place at one house on a Thanksgiving weekend. Why so many pages??

Also, please people, no more adopted Asian daughters in your comedies. These guys get a pass cause they wrote this 5 years ago but if I had a buck for every time I saw an adopted Asian daughter in a screenplay, I’d be palling around with Mark Zuckerberg.

This would’ve probably received an impressive if the screenplay was condensed and they did a better job convincing me that Julia wouldn’t have kicked Himelfarb out 2 seconds after he walked in. But as it stands, it’s still damn funny.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: When writing a screenplay, you don’t always have to start with an idea. You can just as easily start with a character. Think about it. When looking back at movies, the first thing you remember are the characters. So why not start with one? Create someone interesting, unique, strange, quirky, original, someone that people will remember, and then build your movie idea around him/her. I don’t know if this is how Himelfarb was constructed or not. But I’m willing to bet it was.

I knew nothing about Super 8 going in.  I heard Spielberg was involved, J.J. Abrams was involved, and that they were making a movie called Super 8.  That’s all I needed.  I can’t remember the last time I walked into a summer Blockbuster knowing absolutely nothing about the plot or what I was about to see.  And the experience was both satisfying and thought-provoking.  Obviously, this is Abrams making a homage to the Spielberg movies he grew up on.  And boy does it feel like Spielberg (the kids, the messy home life scenes, all the backlighting, the late monster reveal).  It really did feel like we’d stepped back into the 1980s.

Overall, I thought the movie was good but not great. — (Spoilers) — The monster was oddly utilized, and I wasn’t always sure what he was doing in the movie besides popping up every once in awhile to scare everyone.  On the flip side of that, it was pretty damn ballsy to put all the emphasis on the drama and the character development.  This was a love story and a friendship story and a broken family story way before it was a monster story.  And I guess that leads to my biggest question.  I’m bursting at the seams wanting to hear what the 18-24 demographic thought of this.  These days, moviegoers are treated to a full-on shot of the monster 15 minutes into the film (or earlier – before the film is even released).  How are impatient high school and college kids who are used to their fixes when and where they want them, reacting to having to wait the entire movie to see the monster?  Cause I’m guessing some are furious and tabbing this the worst movie ever as a result.  So, tell me, what’d you think?

And for everyone else, if you saw Super-8 this weekend, were you transported back to your Spielbergian youth?  Or was this a cheap wanna-be copy of the master during his prime.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the watch
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

Remember going to the video store with your friends back in the old days and trying to find a movie that EVERYBODY wanted to watch? Impossible right? And that was just for 4-5 people. Imagine trying to find a movie that EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD wanted to watch. That’s like trying to find the chupacabra. Or Bigfoot. Or evidence of UFOS. But believe it or not, there are a few movies out there that EVERYBODY likes. And The Princess Bride is one of them. Now I don’t know about you. But when I see a movie that everybody likes, I think to myself “screenwriting goldmine.” I mean this is the Holy Grail we’re talking about. A screenplay which has somehow managed to rope in every single person who’s seen it. If we’re not mining that puppy for secrets, then why the hell even bother with screenwriting? So, here are ten screenwriting not-so-secrets I learned from watching The Princess Bride.

LOVABLE CHARACTERS
We talk often about trying to create “likable” characters. Well look no further than these three. You will not find a more lovable group than Westley, Fezzik and Inigo Montoya. Why are they so lovable? Well, let’s take a look. The Man In Black (Westley) is loyal (will not stop until he saves his true love) respectful (will defeat but never hurt his enemy, as long as they respect back) great at everything he does (swordsman, fighter, thinker), he’s active (he pursues a goal throughout the entire movie) and funny (has a ton of hilarious one-liners – “Sleep well and dream of large women”). We love Inigo and Fezzik because they’re enslaved by a lunatic who constantly berates and reminds them how pathetic they are (creates sympathy). Fezzik is slow, giving us one more reason to root for him (underdog). We love Inigo because he not only lost his father (another sympathy vote), but he will not stop until he finds the man’s killer and avenge his death (active). If you want to learn how to build likable characters that rock the shit out of a screenplay, look no further than this movie.

BREAKS THE RULES
Remember, almost every great script breaks some of the rules. The main thing breaking the rules does is it gives your movie a level of unpredictability. If you’re deviating from the formula, then we can’t possibly predict what’s going to happen next. The two major deviations here are that the main goal (“save Princess Buttercup from her captors”) is achieved by page 35. That’s when Westley defeats the bad guys and saves his true love. This early achievement then forces The Princess Bride to reboot its story and become something else (a movie where he’s now being chased as opposed to doing the chasing). In fact, the cool thing about The Princess Bride is that the story continues to reboot itself throughout its running time. First he’s chasing, then he’s being chased, then he loses the princess, then he must get her back again. The constantly changing goals keeps Princess Bride fresh. Next, there’s no true main character. “Bride” starts out with Westley and Buttercup being the main characters, then it becomes Vizzini, Inigo, and Fezzik, then it becomes Westley again, then it becomes Inigo and Fezzik again. One thing they tell you to ALWAYS do in your screenplay is have a clear cut hero. They don’t do that here in The Princess Bride, and it ends up paying off in a big way. Now it’s important to remember that William Goldman is a master screenwriter and knows how to make this unorthodox choice work, so tread carefully if you plan to do it yourself. But still, it’s always nice to see someone deviate from the norm and have it pay off.

THE GOALS ARE IMPOSSIBLE
One of the greatest things about this movie is how difficult the writer makes each task for his heroes. Think about it. Fezzik and Inigo need to get into the castle so Inigo can kill the six-fingered man. Their only hope is to use The Man In Black to formulate a plan. So they get to the Man in Black, AND HE’S DEAD! Talk about making things difficult. And how do you storm a castle with a man who’s speaking gibberish and can’t stand on his own? Talk about difficult. Westley must defeat our villain while comatose in a bed! Talk about difficult. Each goal is made out to be so impossible, that we’re perpetually on the edge of our seats racking our brains trying to figure out how they’re going to pull it off.

THERE’S NEVER A SINGLE MOMENT WHERE THINGS ARE OKAY FOR OUR HEROES
The second your heroes are happy and content and satisfied is the second your movie is over. There should always be problems, always be conflict, always be obstacles. Westley must battle three titans to get to Buttercup. But when he finally gets to her, he’s only allowed a quick moment of happiness. Seconds later they’re being chased by Humperdink, pushed into the Fire Swamp, dodging fire spouts, quicksand, and Rodents Of Unusual Size. When they get out of the forest, they’re immediately captured, and Westley is strapped onto the deadly “Machine.” Watch this movie and you’ll find there isn’t a single minute that goes by where the heroes are okay. That’s why the movie keeps us involved. There’s danger in every moment.

URGENCY
Goldman utilizes every trick in the book to keep the pace of this story moving. In every sequence, someone is either being chased, doing the chasing, looking for someone, or needing to do something by a certain amount of time. Chasing is one of the best ways to add urgency to your story, and what makes it work so well here is that the “chaser” keeps changing. First it’s Westley, then it’s Humperdink, then it’s Fezzik and Inigo. I think if it was one person the whole time, this movie wouldn’t have been as good as it is. Also, note that when we finally get off the road, and there’s no more official “chasing,” Goldman immediately institutes a ticking time bomb to keep the urgency going, that of the wedding.

LOVE
Love seems to be at the center of a lot of popular movies. It’s one of the few things that every single person on earth can relate to. And I think it’s a big reason for The Princess Bride’s success. Now don’t mistake a “love story” for only being about a man and a woman. Morgan Freeman often talks about how The Shawshank Redemption was a love story, and I’d agree with him. Look at a few of the highest grossing films of all time. Avatar. Titanic. E.T. Casablanca. Gone With The Wind. Love is the central theme in all of those films. The Princess Bride is one of the best love stories ever made. And I don’t think it’s an accident that so many people gravitate towards it.

UNEXPECTDNESS.
What I love most about The Princess Bride is that it’s packed with unexpected moments. If a reader can predict your story, you’re dead, cause that means they’re ahead of you. And if they’re ahead of you, they’re bored. Look at all the unexpected things that happen in The Princess Bride. Our hero dies! Twice! When the Man In Black and Inigo battle, Inigo tells him he’s right handed…only to have the Man In Black tell him that he’s right handed too! Inigo spends his whole life looking for the man who killed his father, and when he finally finds him, THE GUY RUNS AWAY! Our bad guys eventually become our good guys. Our hero doesn’t fight the villain in the end. Princess Bride is one of the most surprise-packed movies ever made, which is a huge reason for why it’s so satisfying.

EVERY CHARACTER HAS INCREDIBLY STRONG MOTIVATIONS
Remember, wishy-washy motivations lead to wishy-washy characters. Usually when I read a script, one or two characters will have strong motivations, and everyone else is window dressing. Every character’s motivation in Princess Bride is rock solid. Westley wants to save Buttercup. Humperdink wants to catch and kill Westley. Vizzini wants his money for kidnapping Buttercup. Inigo wants to kill the Six-Fingered Man. Even Fezzik, who you could argue has the weakest motivation, is dedicated to helping and saving his friends. When everybody wants something? Then every scene in your movie is strong because those wants clash up against one another, creating conflict.

DIALOGUE
If you’re writing a drama that’s deftly plotted with compelling characters, you can get away with “okay” dialogue. But if you’re writing a comedy, your dialogue has to be great. Dialogue is what separates the great comedies from the average comedies. And the dialogue here is just amazing. I don’t know if there’s a more quotable movie than The Princess Bride. And it’s hard to pinpoint why the dialogue is so good, but my guess it it’s because of the characters. Goldman knew each of these characters so well, that the dialogue wrote itself. I’m not sure the dialogue is as perfect had Goldman not written the novel for The Princess Bride first, as I think that’s where he got to know these characters so well.

THE BIGGEST THING I TOOK FROM THIS
The biggest thing I took from this is the “Impossible Comeback” device that Goldman institutes again and again in The Princess Bride. Almost every character in this movie experiences a setback so severe, so crippling, that we believe there’s no chance they can ever recover from it. That way when they do, our emotional reaction is a billion times more intense than it would normally be. I mean, take Westley for example. Early in the story, he dies. And we’re devastated. Because we know that he and Buttercup can never be together again. Then we find out Westley is alive again! We’re overcome with emotion. But then Westley REALLY dies. Like we see him die. Now we REALLY know there’s no hope for him. And somehow, still, he manages to defeat the villain and save the princess. When Inigo finally finds the Six-Fingered Man, he gets a knife to his gut, and looks up to the heavens and says, “I’m sorry I failed you father.” NO! This can’t be! Inigo has failed???? After all this???? But then he overcomes his injury and wills himself to victory. It happens when Buttercup gets married (what?? She’s married?? But our hero was supposed to save her!!). It happens when Grandpa tells us that Humperdink lives (the villain LIVES?? No way! That’s not possible!). This “impossible comeback” scenario is freaking genius. I mean, sure, winning a basketball game feels great. But winning a basketball game after you’re down 20 points with 5 minutes to go is the greatest feeling in the world. To me, that’s the golden tip I take away from The Princess Bride.