I’m happy with the way the summer box office has played out so far. We’ve had a few nice surprises – like a non-sequel, non pre-existing franchise, non YA novel doing great amongst a sea of more traditional summer blockbuster flicks (The Great Gatsby). We have a spec script that’s not about super heroes or car races or blowing shit up outperforming a heavy favorite with the world’s biggest movie star in it (Now You See Me beating After Earth). We have ANOTHER spec script, The Purge, occupying a prime-time slot on the summer slate this weekend. Whether it does well or not, getting a spec script turned into a movie that’s released during the most competitive time of the year – that’s a huge accomplishment. This is all good news for screenwriters. It gives producers and executives and studios the confidence that they CAN take chances on spec material.

However, it’s important to remember that there’s a step that needs to happen BEFORE your spec competes for one of those coveted summer slots. You have to sell the damn thing. And in order to sell it, you have to get your script out there for people to read. And typically (unless you bypass the system and get a kick-ass reception on a site like Scriptshadow), that means getting an agent to go out wide with your script. And that’s what led me to today’s article.

You see, I don’t think there are enough amateur writers out there who track the spec market. Sure, many are aware of what sells. But are they actually tracking WHAT GOES OUT WIDE? Are they tracking the scripts agents and mangers are sending out to all the producers in hopes of getting a sale?  Agents are typically looking for two things when they’re repping a script from a new writer.  a) it’s well-written.  And b) it’s a marketable enough concept that studios will actually be interested in buying it.  “a” is, of course, important. But it doesn’t matter without “b.”   This information is invaluable because if you know what agents like to push, you’ll have a much better shot at landing one.

So today I’m going to give you the last 15 scripts that went out wide, along with their genres and loglines. I want you to see with your own eyes what reps are sending out there. I didn’t cherry pick these loglines. I went to the Tracking Board (which you can get a 25% discount on if you sign up through Scriptshadow btw) and simply filtered by specs that have gone wide. If something didn’t have a logline, I didn’t include it. These are the scripts that were listed.

There is a caveat here. Agents have relationships and often know what places are best for a project, and therefore will send certain projects out to a much smaller list of folks. So these are by no means the ONLY scripts being sent around town. But they are the ones agents are sending out wide in hopes of the script either selling, or everyone liking the script enough to want to work with their client. Let’s take a look.

Lewis & Clark: Trial By Fire
Genre: Action/Adventure/Supernatural
Logline: Pitched as “Pirates of the Caribbean” meets “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”. Story is a re-imagining of the historic expedition. After the United States acquires the Louisiana Territory, President Thomas Jefferson sends Lewis & Clark on a journey to the American West that is believed to be inhabited by fearsome beasts that threaten the entire country.

Bullet Run
Genre: Action
Logline: Kept under wraps but pitched as “Speed” meets “Thief”.

Autograph
Genre: Drama
Logline: Based on a novel, a boy secretly watches his actor/father run a con so the family can survive WWII Shanghai, but the father’s arrested, so the boy applies what he’s learned to survive.

Criminal
Genre: Action/Thriller
Logline: The right man in the wrong body. A dead CIA operative’s memories, secrets and skills are implanted into an unpredictable and dangerous prison inmate in hopes that he will complete the operative’s mission.

Visions
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Logline: A woman begins experiencing terrifying visions when she moves to her husband’s vineyard.

The Uncontacted
Genre: Horror
Logline: Pitched as “Attack The Block” meets “The Descent”. A group of grad students find themselves stranded on an island in the South Pacific. When they attempt to make a contact with an ancient cannibalistic civilization rumored to live there, they accidentally uncover something deadlier, lurking underground.

Pirate Hunter
Genre: Action/Adventure
Logline: In the year 1700 a Naval Lieutenant embarked on a search for the most bloodthirsty ship on the seas, as he sought his revenge. It found him.

Hottest Ass Contest
Genre: Comedy
Logline: With the coastal Florida city they work for on the verge of bankruptcy and their jobs on the line, the hard-partying great-grandson of the city’s founder, along with his coworkers, take matters into their own hands. Setting out to attract thousands of revenue-generating revelers, they transform their city into an epic spring break destination by staging a Hottest Ass Contest that will feature only the finest female derrieres from all over the world.

Beauty and The Beasts
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Logline: Two years after the events of the classic tale, Belle’s Prince Edgar mysteriously goes missing after she discovers the truth about his past, that he is actually a prince from a land of beasts. Belle is now thrown into an adventure where she travels to a magical land of fantastic creatures, and must restore order to the ancient kingdom if she is ever to see her love again.

The Asterisk
Genre: Action
Logline: Logline: Kept under wraps but pitched in the vein of “Beverly Hills Cop” and “Lethal Weapon”.

Keeping Time (yay!)
Genre: Sci-fi/Romance/Comedy
Logline: Logline: A for-hire time traveler, who specializes in “preventing” bad relationships, meets a mysterious woman who also claims to be a traveler and is determined to stop him from completing his mission.

Sinbad and the 7 Curses
Genre: Action Adventure
Logline: Sinbad’s crew must battle seven curses hurled at them by an old adversary when a princess gets in the way.

The Do Over
Genre: Comedy/Sci-fi
Logline: Pitched as “Back To The Future” meets “Peggy Sue Got Married”. When a divorced couple is inadvertently transported back in time, they set out to break up their younger selves and change the course of their unhappy lives…only to discover that they are still meant for each other.

Freefall
Genre: Action
Logline: Pitched in the vein of “Fast & The Furious” in the air. An undercover agent, posing as the infamous parachuting hustler D.B. Cooper, infiltrates a group of thieves who are staging elaborate robberies of casino “money planes”; mid-air, mid-flight, jumping from plane-to-plane at 10,000 feet! Next stop, China’s Macau Venetian Casino.

The Remplacement
Genre: Comedy
Logline: When his long-lost identical twin brother shows up, an unhappily married father of two seizes the occasion to swap himself out of his own life.

It’s pretty self-explanatory. Every one of these ideas, save the drama, is marketable. I’m not saying they’re all good ideas (Hottest Ass Contest??). But the writers have made an attempt at creating something for the marketplace. We got four comedies, seven action scripts, a few adventure, a couple of horror, and a couple of thrillers. It’s not a coincidence that these are the genres being pushed by the agents. These are what studios want because these are the genres that have proven to create the best box-office return in the spec market.

This doesn’t mean you can’t write your semi-autobiographical tale about how you learned how to swim in Mexico. What it DOES mean is that you make your chances for selling a script exponentially harder by doing so. When I talk to agents and managers about scripts, I already know what they’re going to say when I tell them I found a feel good piece about a leper colony in the 1930s. They’re gong to ask, “Is it based on a book?” And when I tell them no, they’re going to say, “What else do you have?” Because action and comedy and horror and adventure and thrillers are the only thing they’re confident going out with unless you have the next American Beauty. And unless you’ve been writing for 20 years like Alan Ball had, you probably don’t have the next American Beauty.

I wrote this article as sort of a wake up call to writers because I have been reading a lot of material privately lately where the writers aren’t considering this part of the equation. They’re not asking, “Is this something that an agent is actually going to want to send out?”

Look, I’m not telling you you need to sell your soul. I believe that you should write what moves you. But you have to be smart about it. You can’t write some really low-concept drama with no commercial appeal and say, “Ohh, because it’s coming from that deep unique special place that only I can offer the world,” that everyone will want it. At some point, you have to look at the thing from an investment perspective, from the person’s POV who’s ultimately going to put their reputation and their money on the line. Are they going to buy something that’s going to keep their company in business? Or are they going to gamble on a slow introspective drama? Don’t walk around with your heads in the sand, guys. Be aware not only what’s selling, but what kind of material people are passing around.

And hey, I’m not saying those loglines above are amazing. The loglines themselves are not the point. It’s the TYPES OF SCRIPTS that agents are sending out there: thrillers, horror, adventure, action, comedy. You guys are smart. You can play in this space and come up with much better loglines than those above. Hollywood’s still a place where if you come up with an amazing concept and you’re a competent writer, you can go directly to the front of the line.

Also remember that just because you’re writing a marketable concept, doesn’t mean you can’t explore characters and themes on a deeper level. It doesn’t mean you can’t make your reader think. The concept and genre are meant to get you through the door. Once inside, that’s when you show off your skills. So write something with deep characters who are battling their flaws and fears, but do it inside of a horror movie, or an adventure movie.

And if this article sickens you? If you can’t believe this is what you need to do to get in the game? Don’t complain about it. Grab your camera and make your movie independently. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it’s actually one of the fastest ways to make a career, since you’re bypassing the “wait for someone else to like it” spec stage. In the meantime, if you want to play in the spec world, this is how the game is played. If you want an agent to take you on, give them something they can sell, dammit. Good luck!

Amateurs don’t get much love in the screenwriting business. UNTIL TODAY! Here are 15 amateur screenplays that caught my attention in 2012. Let’s find a home for some of them!

Gangnam Style Top 15 Breakdown!

One of the cool things about The Black List when it first came out was that you truly felt like it was celebrating the underdog – the guy who couldn’t catch a break – who couldn’t get his script read by the right people. Over time, as the list grew in popularity, so did the profiles of the writers who landed on it. There were still some little guys, but they were now overshadowed by much more accomplished writers. I think The Hit List has filled that gap to an extent, celebrating only spec scripts (as opposed to assignments, which is where all the high rollers play), but a lot of those writers still have agents. Which means there isn’t any list that celebrates TRUE amateur writers. We’re getting closer to that point, with amateur screenplays being tracked at a pace unheard of five years ago. There are just so many places online to get your script read and noticed. Still, how you siphon all of that into one bottle remains a tricky proposition. While we wait for that process to improve, I can at least give you MY favorite amateur scripts of the year. Keep in mind I’m including scripts that have since garnered representation. To be on this list, all you need is to have been a true amateur (no reps or managers) when your script was discovered this year.  Oh, and all of these scripts are available except for The Disciple Program. Here we go…

#15
Title: The Wall (not reviewed)
Premise: A cheating husband’s desperate attempt to keep his son from dating his mistress goes horribly wrong when his son turns up dead. As he clambers to cover his tracks, his life spirals out of control, while his wife searches for revenge.
Writers: Jon Bachmann & Katherine Griffin
How I found it: Consult service
About: This script made the list because of its meticulous plotting. Jon and Katherine really know how to weave characters in an out of each other’s lives in interesting ways. The only reason it didn’t rank higher was because it didn’t have a hook or a juicy role for an actor to play. If you write a character piece, you need at least one of those things, and preferably both.

#14
Title: Guest
Premise: After checking into a hotel to escape her abusive husband, a woman realizes guests in the next room are holding a young girl hostage.
Writer: Matthew Cruz
How I found it: Twit-Pitch Contest
About: Whereas “The Wall” had no hook, this has a great hook. And the idea is catnip to the spec buying world. Producers love contained situations with lots of conflict because they’re cheap to make and easy to market. I don’t think the current draft had enough meat to it, but I hear Matthew’s hard at work improving the script. I’m interested to see what he’s done since the review.

#13
Title: Eden’s Folly
Premise: A left-for-dead rancher wakes up in the middle of the desert with no memory of who he is. He goes off in a search to find out what happened.
Writer: Ryan Binaco
How I found it: Consult service
About: There’s something about Ryan Binaco’s writing that I find intriguing.  I’m not a drug-addict, but I imagine this is what it must feel like to be high on peyote.  You just get sucked up into another plane when you read Ryan’s work.  Sometimes that’s a weird thing.  But usually it’s good.  There are so many less interesting ways this story could’ve gone. I’ve seen those versions hundreds of times from lesser writers. But you’d be hard-pressed to guess where this one’s going. I wouldn’t say that all the choices are satisfying, but they’re certainly unique.

#12
Title: Fatties
Premise: When a lonely masochistic chubby chaser is abducted by two fat lesbian serial killers, it’s the best thing that ever happened to him.
Writer: Matthew Ballen
How I found it: Twit-Pitch Contest
About: Fatties may be my most controversial script endorsement of the year. Say what you will about the disturbing subject matter, but I dare you to stop reading Fatties once you’ve opened it!  There’s a scene in here you will never forget no matter how hard you try. And somehow, at the end of the rainbow, is a love story you’re kinda rooting for. This script made me feel slimy, but in an ooey-gooey way.  Yummy.  More Fatties!

#11
Title: Nine Twelve
Premise: A man embarks on a relationship with a 9/11 widow after claiming to have lost his brother in the attacks.
Writer: Edward Ruggiero
How I found it: Consult Service
About: Dramatic irony, dramatic irony, dramatic irony. Nine Twelve shows us how powerful the tool can be. It’s why I highlighted D.I. so extensively in my book. Here, we can’t look away from this relationship because we know something this poor woman doesn’t – that our hero is lying to her about everything their relationship is based on. The script is an incredibly difficult sell because the main character is so unlikable. But it manages to keep our attention all the way through. Can’t wait to see what Ed comes up with next!

#10
Title: 3022 (not reviewed)
Premise: The crew members on a space shuttle 600,000 miles from Earth must question their individual fates and fight for their lives after their home – Earth itself – is destroyed.
Writer: Ryan Binaco
How I found it: Consult Service
About: Ryan is back with a second script in the Top 15! This one is a cross between Solaris, 2001 and The Fountain, with just enough “mainstream” to keep it marketable. I’ve actually read a couple versions of the script, and I hear the latest version (which I haven’t read yet) is doing really well over at the Black List site. I’ve hinted to Ryan that he’s gotta make the story accessible if he wants someone to snatch it up. But at the same time, I don’t want to stifle the craziness that goes on in his head too much. That’s what makes his scripts so different!

#9
Title: Proving Ground
Premise: 9 strangers wake in a deserted Mexican town besieged by killing machines: they must discover why they’ve been brought there to survive.
Writer: James Topham
How I found it: Twit-Pitch Contest
About: Proving Ground was the winner of my Twit-Pitch contest. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a really cool idea with a sound execution. The reason this one makes the Top 10 is because I want to see this movie! I want to see these people being attacked by these giant machines. I want to see them trying to figure out how they got here and how they’re going to get away. There are too many spec scripts in Hollywoodland that are well-written but not “big” enough to be made into movies (I liked Nine-Twelve, but its too small to get a producer excited about it). Proving Ground is not one of those screenplays!

#8
Title: Saving Lexie Lee (not reviewed)
Premise: When a popular high school girl looks into some mysterious murders happening around town, she’s shocked to find out that she may know the killer.
Writer: Michael Morra
How I found it: Consult Service
About: I really liked this one, so much so that I asked Michael if I could come on as producer. We’ve since played around with the script and while we’re getting close, there’s something that isn’t quite there yet with the ending. The thing I liked about the script was that it had this really weird structure that you never see in these types of films. That’s proven to be a roadblock for some, since it requires a complete rethinking of how these movies work. But I still have faith in its unorthodox approach.  “Lexie Lee” is basically “Scream” but with a really fucked up second act. We’ll figure it out eventually. And when we do, I have a feeling this could sell.

#7
Title: Lovin’ Brooklyn (not reviewed)
Premise: When her rich step-dad cheats on her mother, a young girl is forced to move into her aunt’s home in Brooklyn, where she’s introduced to a “player” pizza boy who needs her to help him win a dance competition.
Writer: Guy Guido
How I found it: Consult Service
About: The thing that kills me is finding a really good writer who’s written a script that’s tough to sell. Guy is a kick-ass writer. He’s the kind of guy you’d want to write your next romantic comedy or “Save The Last Dance.” But Lovin’ Brooklyn is so specific, you’d have to find JUST THE RIGHT buyer for it, and it’s never easy finding that buyer. With that said, the success of Silver Linings Playbook gives me hope for Lovin’ Brooklyn, as there are some definite similarities between the two.  This could be the next cool dance flick that breaks that “on the bubble” young female TV star.

#6
Title: Keeping Time
Premise: A for-hire time traveler who specializes in “preventing” bad relationships meets his match with a mysterious woman who claims to also be a traveler and is determined to stop him from completing his mission.
Writer: Nathan Zoebl
How I found it: Amateur Friday
About: After my review of this script, Nathan snatched an agent at WME (Mike Esola) and went through a couple of close calls getting talent attached. I couldn’t resist being a producer on this one either as I’m always looking for the next great time travel comedy. Now it’s a matter of stepping back, possibly doing another rewrite or two, and getting this script back in the game. I really want to make this one happen so if you’re interested, e-mail me!

#5
Title: Fascination 127
Premise: A group of men are hired by a mysterious client to remove Jim Morrison’s casket, give it to him for 24 hours and then return the casket into the ground before it is publicly exhumed to be moved to the United States.
Writer: Alex Carl
How I found it: Amateur Friday
About: This script totally took me by surprise. I thought it was going to be a half-assed weed-driven series of college conspiracy theories on what happened to Jim Morrison. Instead, it was a taut highly-engrossing heist film. But even better, Alex and I took everyone’s feedback from the review and incorporated the best notes into the script. Alex is almost done with his latest draft and I can confirm that it has gotten a LOT better. Once it’s finished, we’ll go out there and, at the very least, land Alex an agent.

#4
Title: Reunion
Premise: At their ten-year reunion, a formerly bullied outcast decides to enact revenge on the cool kids who made his life miserable.
Writer: Adam Zopf
How I found it: Amateur Friday
About: I know, I know. This is kind of a cheat. I originally aired this review in 2011. But since I didn’t have an official “Best Amateur Scripts” list for 2011, I decided to move Reunion to 2012. So what’s going on with the script? Some good stuff, depending on how you look at it. The production company that optioned Reunion wasn’t able to get it going in time, so the script’s reverted back to Adam! That means it’s back on the market. I’m going to meet with Adam some time this month and we’ll discuss Reunion. Who knows? Maybe we’ll end up working on it together.

#3
Title: Rose In the Darkness
Premise: A secluded boy’s way of life is threatened when he befriends Rose – the girl whom his parents have imprisoned in the family attic.
Writer: Joe Marino
How I found it: Amateur Friday
About: To think that Joe wrote this and he isn’t even finished with college yet! The review led to Brooklyn Weaver at Energy Entertainment reading and loving Rose. We’re pairing together to produce and Brooklyn is also managing Joe now. Some folks have been put off by the ultra-dark subject matter in the script but I think it’s only a matter of time before we find a home for this one. If you’re a production company who’s not afraid to take chances – if you want something on your slate riskier than the typical garden variety horror fare we’ve seen as of late, let me know. I’ll get you Rose and we can take it from there.

#2
Title: 300 Years (not reviewed)
Premise: After waking up 300 years in the future, a San Francisco bike messenger learns that the world has been taken over by aliens, and that these aliens now keep humans as pets.
Writer: Peter Hirschmann
How I found it: Consult Service
About: What I love about Peter is that he’s gone all in after getting an agent (at Verve) and manager (at Kaplan/Perrone) since 300 Years broke. This man is furiously working on his new spec, as well as flying in and out of LA to take meetings for potential assignments. The assignment market is very competitive, but Peter’s gotten super close on a few big ones. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he scores one. In the meantime, I wait with baited breath for his new spec. Peter keeps his ideas close to the chest, but from the bits and pieces I hear, they sound awesome. And yes, I’m still a producer on 300 Years, along with Jill Messick. We’re going to push this script hard again once we get a director attached. :)

#1
Title: The Disciple Program
Premise: A man wakes up to find his wife dead and no memory of the night before. His investigation into her death will lead him to a top secret government-sponsored program.
Writer: Tyler Marceca
How I found it: Consult Service (later reviewed on Amateur Friday)
About: Lots of people ask for updates on Disciple. This is all I can tell you. Morten Tyldum, the director attached to Disciple, recently signed on to direct The Imitation Game. So it looks like that’s his priority now. I think they were shooting for a tiny opening in Whalberg’s (also attached) schedule early this year, but they weren’t able to make it. What does this mean? Well, Whalberg has 10 billion projects lined up, so I’m not sure. But hopefully they figure out a way to make it work, or if they don’t, another package comes on board and gets it rolling, sort of like what happened with Prisoners. You’re always hoping for that dream scenario where you get the spec sale and then six months later, you’re shooting. But usually, you have to endure a few speed bumps along the way to the promised land, so I’ll keep hoping and wishing Tyler luck!

Again, all of these scripts except for Disciple are available. Feel free to e-mail me if you’re a producer/agent/manager and I’ll send you copies of the scripts you’re looking for. Sorry there are still no comments in the reviews I sent you back to. I still have to transfer Disqus comments over from the old site! Oh, and if you’ve read any really good amateur scripts yourselves, don’t hesitate to mention them in the comments section!

Amateur Friday Submission Process: To submit your script for an Amateur Review, send in a PDF of your script, a PDF of the first ten pages of your script, your title, genre, logline, and finally, why I should read your script. Use my submission address please: Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Your script and “first ten” will be posted. If you’re nervous about the effect of a bad review, feel free to use an alias name and/or title. It’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so your submission stays near the top.

You guys know one of my weaknesses is time-travel comedies.  Back To The Future is the responsible party.  I don’t know why I keep thinking I’m going to find the next Marty McFly.  Time travel is so difficult to get right.  Comedies are so difficult to get right.  So these sci-fi time travel comedies are NEVER very good, and nowhere close to the perfection that is BTTF.  And yet I continue my search!

Well, I finally found something.  Now I don’t want to get TOO excited here.  This isn’t BTTF quality (What is???).  But this Eternal Sunshine meets Adjustment Bureau comedy is the best time travel thing I’ve read in forever.  It’s really clever, really fun, and really well-written.  And best of all, it’s written by an amateur!

I knew I was in for something good right away when we see our hero, Charles, walk in front of a car, about to get plastered, then FREEZE to the title card: “48 Hours Earlier.”  Oh no, the dreaded “48 hours earlier” title card!  The thing Carson hates more than anything!  But then the “48 hours earlier” is crossed out and replaced with “48 hours later.”  Which is also crossed out.  And finally a title card appears that tells us that in the near future, time travel is a reality, and that for the right price, you can take care of hurtful past relationships that have turned you into a walking pile of sludge.

All you have to do is sign up at “Forget-Me-Nots,” the company our soon-to-be-road-kill hero, Charles, works for, and an agent will go back in time to make sure you and that guy who dumped your ass never meet in the first place.  And of course if you never meet, you never break up, so you never experience heartbreak.  Hey, sign me up!

When our story begins (or ends??), Charles is approached by a recently scorned woman, Julia, who wants to make it so that she and her ex, Tom, never meet.  Julia tells Charles how they met, and he heads back in time to make sure it never happens.  Now the rules of time travel are strict.  The governing body of time only allows people to jump for 48 hours, so Charles has to be efficient in his approach.  And he always is.  So far, he hasn’t screwed up a job yet.

But that’s about to change.  As Charles moves to prevent Julia from meeting Tom, a cute 22 year old spunky chick, Dora, bumps into him, unloading a cup of coffee onto his shirt.  She apologizes profusely as Charles tries to get away, but she insists on cleaning him up.  He fights and claws to escape, but in the end loses the battle and watches helplessly as Tom and Julia meet across the street.

No problem.  He’s missed first encounters before.  He’ll just prevent their first date from happening.  But what Charles soon finds out is that something keeps preventing him from executing his plan.  And there’s one common factor involved: Dora!  She ALWAYS seems to be around when things go south.

Charles finally confronts her and finds out that she’s a time traveler as well, and that she’s been sent here to make sure these two stay together.  Charles is pissed, but takes it as a challenge.  He’s been on dozens of trips.  This girl is a rookie.  He’ll be able to handle her no problem.

So the two start an Adjustment Bureau-like battle where they each make moves to alter fate surrounding the couple.  And every time Charles seems to have a leg up, Dora outfoxes him.  But as this time battle escalates, Charles starts to see the Tom-Julia job as secondary.  He wants to know who this Dora girl is, and who sent her here.  All of this will come to a whopper of a conclusion when we finally catch up with the opening scene that has Charles staring down death in the form of a car seconds away from crushing him.

This one was good.  Really good.

Yesterday we talked about clarity and how difficult it is for some writers to write even the most basic scene.  Keeping Time jumps between the present and the past and has multiple versions of characters and yet I knew what was going on 95% of the time (the ending does get confusing, which I’ll talk about in a sec).  For example, instead of just assuming we’d get it, Nathan will stop the script to explain the difference between “Past Charles” and “Present Charles,” so we won’t be confused by their interactions.

What I also liked about “Time” was that it kept evolving.  Every time I thought I knew where the story was going, it took a left turn.  For example, when Charles misses the first Tom-Julia encounter, he  decides to use the information she gave him back in their interview to sweep her off her feet, keeping her away from Tom in the process.  I thought, “Uh-oh.  Now we just have another version of There’s Something About Mary.”  Except when Tom tries to use her secrets against her, she stonewalls him, which confuses the hell out of Charles and left me wondering – “Wow, what now??”

Likewise with the Charles-Dora relationship.  I thought for sure these two time-travellers would battle each other to change fate and in the process fall in love!  But that doesn’t happen either.  At that point I’m thinking, “Man, this writer really knows how to craft an unpredictable story.”

And pretty soon, I found myself obsessed with finding out who Dora was and why she was here.  I had about five theories, but was never sure which one it would be.

On top of that, I felt the dialogue, for the most part, was really solid.  It wasn’t great.  It had some clunky moments.  But Charles and Dora’s back-and-forth was almost always fun to listen to.  The two had great chemistry and I’d find that even in scenes where they were just sitting at the table chatting for five pages (a scenario I tell writers to avoid all the time – two characters sitting at a table talking), I’d always be entertained.

But you know what really put me over the top?  What really got me?  This script had a theme!  I can count the number of amateur comedies I’ve read that have a theme on one hand – that were actually trying to say something!  Here, the theme was about allowing people to have the experiences in their lives, whether good or bad, because those experiences end up making them who they are.  I thought it was really well executed.

And to prove it, when the ending came, and one of the final twists arrived, I actually found myself tearing up!  And I realized that doesn’t happen by accident.  It happens because the writer was doing more than simply throwing a cool story on the page.  He created likable characters we wanted to root for.  He created interesting backstories (and forestories!).  He used a theme to add layers and depth to the script.  That’s how you emotionally affect a reader.

The only reason I didn’t raise the script to “impressive” status was the ending.  It gets a little too confusing.  I liked the ambition behind it.  But either it tries to be one level more clever than it needs to be and gets too confusing in the process, or it’s not described clearly enough.  I’m not sure which but if Nathan can fix that and improve a bunch of smaller problems in the script, this could EASILY be an impressive and get snatched up by a production company.

How much do I believe in it?  I’m going to try and convince Nathan to let me hop on as producer and push it around town.  We’ll see what happens! :)

p.s. I believe the draft I sent out to everybody was the wrong one and wasn’t spell-checked.  The one I personally read was devoid of errors.

Script link: Link taken down due to increasing interest.  Will keep people updated on my Twitter feed, @Scriptshadow!  E-mail me to read!

What I Learned: Getting back to theme, I find that one helpful way of expressing theme is to include a  scene (sometimes two) where the main characters debate both sides of the theme.  Some writers think this is too on-the-nose, but in my experience, theme does need to be announced in places for it to really catch on with the audience.  Be too subtle about it and your audience might miss it completely.  Charles and Dora have a scene in the middle of the script where they debate just that – whether it’s okay to erase our mistakes, since those mistakes are an essential part of who we are.

July 4th weekend is over. Well, sorta. Only America can figure out a way to make July 5th the official July 4th holiday, so I guess the holiday weekend will be over tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s Roger, who I hear had a wonderful weekend experience. I tried to get details but details were in short supply. I thought I heard something about multiple women but you’ll have to ask him at the end of his review for The Wettest County.

Genre: Period Crime Drama
Premise: The story of a moonshine gang operating in the bootlegging capital of America –- Franklin County, West Virginia –- during Prohibition.
About: The latest collaboration between The Proposition creators, Nick Cave and director, John Hillcoat (The Road). “The Wettest County” has recently been re-titled to “The Promised Land”, and Ryan Gosling, Shia LaBeouf and Amy Adams are attached to star. For those of you that don’t listen to good music, Nick Cave is the frontman for Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (also The Birthday Party) and a pretty darn good novelist to boot (And the Ass Saw the Angel and The Death of Bunny Munro).
Writers: Nick Cave, based on the book by Matt Bondurant

I don’t know if I’m the best person to review a screenplay written by Nick Cave. I have a signed copy of The Death of Bunny Munro (a gift from Professor Stark), I love The Proposition and my idea of romance is the murder ballad Henry Lee performed by Cave and his duet partner, Polly Jean Harvey. I even gleefully enjoy his Michael Moorcock Eternal Champion rendition of Maximus in his quizzical (and rejected) Gladiator sequel script. So I suppose this makes me a Nick Cave apologist in the film world, but I’ll fight the urge to be blindly generous in this review of his adaptation of Matt Bondurant’s novel, The Wettest County in the World.

So this is the tale of the bootlegging Bondurant brothers?

Yep. Franklin County, West Virginia is pretty much the capital of illegal liquor distribution in the crime wave-laden Prohibition era, and the brothers Bondurant are the criminals painted as heroes in this deliciously violent crime drama.

In an opening sequence I love, we meet Jack, Howard and Forrest in a pig enclosure when they are children. Jack is the youngest of the trio, and he is about to kill for the first time. Forrest, the eldest, and Howard, the brute middle-child, already seem well-versed in the realm of delivering death, and they expectantly watch their brother walk up to a sow and shoot it in the eye. But, pigs can be hard to kill, and after shooting it again point-blank, Jack cries in frustration when it doesn’t die. But his brothers are there to slit its throat and we learn the difference between Jack and them, “Blood and violence? My brothers had a talent for it. A gift. They were susceptible to its needs. Me, well, I guess my talents lay elsewhere.”

We span several years, the Spanish Lady Flu and a World War, and after the boys survive all this, people in Franklin County whisper that these boys are immune to death. Immortal. The flu almost took Forrest, and in what of the most original character details I’ve ever seen in a screenplay, we learn that it’s left him “haunted and bent crooked and in certain lights his skin looked strange and blue.” Howard returned from war a changed man, and he now deals with the horrors he saw with drink and a bit of the old ultraviolence.

Jack is still the baby of the bunch, making rotskull with his friend Cricket (a boy deformed by rickets), a whiskey brew possibly concocted out of swampwater and tadpoles while his brothers Forrest and Howard supply a radical corn whiskey dubbed White Lightning to all the thirsty folk in Franklin County.

Forrest runs The Blackwater Station diner on the county-line, and he uses the locale to sell White Lightning (drinking it distorts sound, and the imbibers just about go deaf to the resulting sensation of sheet metal being ripped in two) to travelers passing in and out of the way-station. Howard acts as both delivery man and enforcer, even welcomed at the Sheriff’s Office.

Jack is enchanted with the lifestyle of city gangsters like Floyd Banner, stylishly dressed men brimming with ambition and a get-shit-done attitude. While Forrest is content to run his business quietly, not so much concerned with expansion but with self-preservation, Jack is stricken with a vision that will turn Forrest and Howard’s bootlegging operation into an empire. The only problem is that Jack is not a man of violence, and his brothers want to protect him. Their way of protecting him is not letting him into the family business.

The Bondurants then become something of legend when Forrest survives an attack by two city gangsters, apparently walking twelve miles in the snow with a horribly gashed throat to the local hospital. These guys entered his place of business and threatened his lady friend, Maggie, with violence. It’s a bit of a mystery to how he survives the ordeal (which plays out wonderfully in the third act), but it’s the catalyst for a tender love story that is a nice parallel to all the bloodshed in the main story.

Of course, all this attention makes them the target for Carter Lee, the Commonwealth’s new corrupt attorney who wants to manage all the bootleggers and provide them safe passage in return for a fee.

Lemme guess. Forrest isn’t interested in this business partnership?

Not at all.

Things get interesting when Carter Lee’s right hand man, Charley Rakes, a jackal-like evil Deputy, arrives in Franklin County to challenge the Bondurant brothers and their legendary hard-boiled status. Not only does Rakes threaten Maggie, he decides to go after the weak link in the chain.

He goes after Jack first.

What’s interesting is that our protagonists are anti-heroes, and not necessarily likeable ones at that. But when an evil fucker like Rakes arrives on the scene, we instantly choose a side, and it ain’t with Rakes. How bad is this guy? Well, it’s easy to hate a man who tortures a boy with rickets. And it’s easy to hate a man who does what he does to Jack.

Jack’s newly mangled face sends a clear message to Forrest and Howard.

They’re next.

So, it then becomes a battle of wills between the Carter Lee, the evil Deputy Rakes, and the Bondurant brothers. While all the other bootleggers are integrating themselves into this new system, the Bondurants make a stand to challenge this system.

And this is when they allow Jack to become a blockader, which is pretty much a runner between county-lines of their liquor supply. This makes him vulnerable to bandits, corrupt cops and city gangsters like Floyd Banner and his syndicate, The Midnight Coal Company.

How does it end?

Well, accordingly, it’s pretty much a slow build-up to bloodshed between the lawmen of Franklin County and the Bondurant brothers. I’m not sure what the point is, other than that it’s taking a stubborn stand for your own volition.

However, the script seems to be more of a character study than a caper, so it has a relaxed pace. There are lots of scenes that are not immediate to the plot, but more to the atmosphere and tone of the story. I particularly enjoyed Jack’s courting of the local Mennonite preacher’s daughter, Bertha Minnix, and the scenes involving Cricket and his harebrained bootlegging schemes.

Out of curiosity, I want to see how “The Wettest County” measures up to Carson’s 13 Qualities of a Great Script:

1)AN ORIGINAL AND EXCITING CONCEPT – To be honest, I wasn’t so much as interested in the logline as I was in the fact that Nick Cave was attached as a writer. Bootleggers? I don’t know if it’s across-the-board exciting, but in the historical context of Prohibition (resulting in the greatest crime wave in American history) it’s definitely interesting. Especially when you learn that the setting, Franklin County, manufactured more illegal liquor than anywhere else in the United States. Factor in that the Bondurant brothers were the characters at the center of this conflict, and then, yeah, it seems pretty exciting.

2)A MAIN CHARACTER WHO WANTS SOMETHING (AKA “A GOAL”) – The Bondurants are all interested in money. But how much and what they’ll do to achieve it is the center of the conflict. Jack wants a lot of money, and more importantly, he wants a rich lifestyle; Forrest just wants to run a business. Howard is the man stuck in the middle.

3)A MAIN CHARACTER WE WANT TO ROOT FOR – Frankly, Jack’s greed overpowered his need to be accepted by his brothers, and I found him thin. However, I respected and rooted for his older brother, Forrest, because he was a man of principle and honor. An eerie blue man who verily survived a beheading and can fight with iron knuckles but is shy around women? I’m rooting for him, and I only root for Jack because he’s related to this man.

4)GET TO YOUR STORY QUICKLY – On page 12 we learn that Jack wants in on Forrest and Howard’s business. Okay, that’s the main story. If you want more conflict, between pages 32 and 40 we learn that Carter Lee wants to control the flow of the Bondurant’s business, and we are introduced to the villain, Charley Rakes.

5)STAY UNDER 110 PAGES – Nope. This is 133 pages. For a screenplay, it’s very prosaic. Kiss of death if the screenwriter isn’t gifted of language, but Cave is, so it’s a rich, even a sensual read.

6)CONFLICT – A young brother trying to break into the family business when the elder brother is trying to keep him out. Greed versus contentment. Bootleggers versus corrupt law men who want a cut of their business. And of course, the conflict always seems about money when for the men involved, it’s always about something else: Principle versus precedent. Lots of conflict.

7)OBSTACLES – Forrest is an obstacle to Jack. Jack is an obstacle to Forrest. Rakes and Carter Lee are obstacles to the Bondurant brothers. The Mennonite preacher is an obstacle to Jack and his desire to court his daughter. And, the nature of the Bondurant business is illegal so they have to go out of their way to protect themselves.

8)SURPRISE – There’s lots of foreshadowing in this thing, so I would say I wasn’t surprised a ton. However, I couldn’t predict the resolution and the most tension-laden and surprising sequence for me was Jack and Cricket’s first blockading run.

9)TICKING TIME BOMB – We don’t really get a concrete ticking clock until page 79, when the brothers decide they have to move their supply across the county line or Rakes is going to destroy it all. As a result, this thing has a pretty leisurely place. The focus isn’t so much on the demands of the plot, but the character moments. This is either the script’s strength or weakness.

10)STAKES – Everyone’s life is on the line. What starts out as about money becomes something else for Forrest and Rakes. But I get the sense that this isn’t the case with Jack, almost like he peaks with ambition and greed, and it doesn’t go any deeper with him. I was a bit puzzled by why these guys were so obsessed and dogged about bootlegging.

11)HEART – Forrest is the only guy that seems interested in something other than money. Sure, Jack courts Bertha Minnix, but he seems primarily interested in showing off his money to her.

12)A GREAT ENDING – There’s a sentimental and poignant ending, but it doesn’t feel like it’s completely earned. Forrest and Maggie’s story is the most moving, and it seems like something out of a murder ballad.

13)THE X-FACTOR – The Nick Cave factor. The original material of Matt Bondurant’s novel seems perfectly coupled with Cave’s unique voice for the bizarre, the Biblical, the violent, the lovesick and the mad. His gift of mythic and lyrical storytelling shines in this screenplay.

“The Wettest County” is an odd script. It’s a fascinating read, especially if you’re a fan of Cave and Southern Gothic literature. An initial impression tells me it eschews many of the rules and beats you’ll find in most specs. The protagonists aren’t particularly “likeable” or “sympathetic”. Instead they are intriguing and enigmatic. Even if I don’t always like them, I still want to know their story. A page turner that moves at a leisurely meditative pace, promising a cinematic translation of the prosaic imagery and violence found in a Faulkner or Cormac McCarthy novel.

If I had to compare the idea of this script and its vision as a finished film by John Hillcoat to another movie, I would point to Andrew Dominik’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I can imagine a film that will seem inscrutable to some, but a sublime experience to others.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Omens. A sign in the natural world signifying the advent of change. Their mere existence in a story suggests that maybe something supernatural or beyond a character’s control is at work. As a narrative device, an omen’s purpose is to create foreshadowing, tension and dread. As a foreshadowing tool, they can also be used to subvert and control reader expectation, or bait and switch an audience. Screenwriters don’t seem to use them as much as a novelist or playwright, but that doesn’t mean they don’t work in a screenplay. “The Wettest County” (and Karl Gajdusek’s “Pandora”) doesn’t shy away from omens. Two are so startling and weird I don’t think I’ll ever be able to shake the imagery from my head. One is of Jack and Howard trying to remove a dead calf from a suffering cow. They have to saw the legs off the calf in order to remove the corpse, and eventually the cow dies and we discover that this dead calf has six fucking legs. It’s grotesque, and it all takes place during a conversation about the villain, Charley Rakes. The other omen is a dog that has frozen to death, standing up, outside of its pen because the other dogs didn’t let it inside the kennel. When Jack describes its death, he might as well be describing himself and his brothers, “Those dogs didn’t know better. It’s just plain bad luck.”

Back East sounds like a Carson script! Not a Roger script! Yet here Roger is stretching his reading muscles and stepping out of his comfort zone. Good for him. While he does that, I’m preparing for a week with a writer interview (hopefully!), and two very popular specs, one from a couple of years back, and one from the nineties. Both lit the spec world on fire in their own way. Finally, I’m reviewing a script that one writer gave me and said, “This is the next ‘All The President’s Men. Best screenplay I’ve read in three years.'” Whoa! That’s a big claim. Was it that good? Find out tomorrow. And finally, if you’re an aspiring or semi-professional writer looking to get your script reviewed on the site, don’t forget to check out the “Amateur Month” post. All the information is there for how to sign up.

Genre: Indie Drama Premise: A young man living in LA heads back east to help his aging folks, only to find himself stranded in a nearly deserted desert town after his car breaks down. While fixing the car, he meets and falls for a sexy traveler heading west to LA with her boyfriend. About: Zack Whedon co-created and co-wrote Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog with his brothers Jed and Joss. Before that he co-wrote an episode of Deadwood and wrote and acted in an episode of John from Cincinatti. Most recently, he’s been working on J.J. Abrams and Orci-Kurtzman’s show, Fringe. “Back East” was on the 2007 Black List with two votes. Writer: Zack Whedon
Details: 92 pages (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time of the film’s release. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting)

When it comes to the Brothers Whedon, sure, you can consider me a fanboy. From Buffy: The Vampire Slayer to Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, I usually love everything these guys do. But every now and then there’s a bump in the road. For every Whedonesque Astonishing X-Men comic I like, there’s an episode of Dollhouse I don’t like. Which brings us to this Zack Whedon spec script, “Back East”.

Is it unfair of me to say that I prefer Zack Whedon’s writing on something like Fringe over this small Indie Drama, “Back East”? Maybe I just prefer tales where a guy transforms into a weird spiky monster in an airplane bathroom over a slow burn coming-of-age drama where a depressed twenty-something protagonist shares a few flirtatious moments with a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who is already taken.

Or maybe it’s just that I want more drama in my character studies. I want more personality, dammit.

Who is this about, Rog?

It’s about a depressed twenty-four year old named William. William seems to be drifting through the days in his life, not really moving anywhere. The way he stares at the LA landscape with his headphones on, how he might be physically present at his boring office job while his mind is clearly somewhere else.

He seems numb.

Through a conversation with his mother in Connecticut, we learn that his father’s health is failing. His mother, in an effort to connect to her son, brings up how she just found the ticket stub from when he played a part in the King and I in fifth grade. One wonders if this ties into whatever his LA dream is, and his mother responds to the lack of his reaction, “You don’t care.”

“I care.”

William contemplates his situation. Apparently he doesn’t show up at work one day, and when they try to call him, he drops his cell phone in his fish tank.

He’s made the decision to leave Los Angeles.

He packs everything he can in his little Chevy Nova, and before he leaves his apartment complex, his neighbor Susan catches him. She hands him an envelope. Inside is a joint. “For the road.”

We learn more about William as he drives east, talking to himself, presumably addressing an audience in his mind:

“The thing you don’t realize when you’re writing something like that is the impact it is going to have for so many people…In the midst of writing it you’re so caught up and wrapped up in simply getting it done, getting anyone to read it at all, that the reaction of a wide audience is beyond your realm of consideration.”

Holy shit. Is William an aspiring screenwriter?

Zack Whedon knows readers should be smart. He doesn’t need to spell everything out for us, instead giving us just enough information to make our own conclusions. I like that.

But yeah, based upon other snippets of conversation in the script, and because Los Angeles is the center of what was once William’s plan, I have to deduce that he’s an aspiring screenwriter.

At twenty-four, he’s throwing in the towel pretty early.

It’s not something we dwell on, but this giving up so easily, it’s something that’s gonna have to change for William. And that’s where the town of Dry Lake comes in.

Is Dry Lake the desert town William gets stranded in?

Yep. William’s Chevy Nova breaks down, but luckily, an old tow-truck operator named Jeffrey helps him out. Jeffrey is my favorite character. He’s a retired mechanic, and seems to spend most of his days sitting out in his backyard, trying to remember life when he was younger.

Every now and then he mentions his wife, how she went east to watch the colors change with the seasons, how strange she was. How happy he was with her.

Jeffrey owns a shop, but he tells William, “I’m 79 years old, son. I don’t fix shit anymore…I can do all the thinking and you can do all the working.”

So William, who knows nothing about how to fix vehicles, is going to have to diagnose and repair the Nova himself.

Since this is going to take some time, he takes up residence at a nautical-themed motel and restaurant called The Mariner.

So who’s the cast of characters at The Mariner?

Well, there’s William’s foil, Avery. A congenial guy in his late thirties who runs the reception desk of the motel. His parents, or more specifically, his mother, Joan, have spent the entirety of their lives in Dry Lake, running The Mariner.

Avery seems insecure that he’s from Dry Lake, and although he’s lived in places like Phoenix, he seems uncomfortable that he’s back in Dry Lake, helping his mom run her business. He seems to have bigger plans, and they don’t involve Dry Lake.

Then there’s Tamara, a beautiful traveler heading west to LA with her rich boyfriend, Evan. Her and William automatically hit it off while she’s drinking her iced tea at the bar, and William not only dislikes her boyfriend for existing, this stance is solidified when he sees Evan wearing socks with sandals.

I like the idea of Tamara.

I like the idea of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. You know, that ephemeral Holly Golightly female that exists as salve for the emotional wounds of the broody male lead.

Unfortunately, Tamara’s character ended up disappointing me. And this is where I lost interest with the script.

What sort of problems was Tamara having with her boyfriend, Evan?

I’m not sure exactly. I guess they’re complicated. She loves Evan, who is from LA. She is not. But she is moving there, and this scares her. She doesn’t seem gung-ho about ingratiating herself with all of Evan’s wealthy LA friends.

But she really seems to like William. In fact, she spends most of her time in Dry Lake talking to William. And these conversations are the salt and light that William seems to crave, that he seems to need.

She represents hope and possibility, but it sucks for him because she’s with Evan. He doesn’t understand why she’s with Evan. Hell, I don’t either. I just didn’t get why she was spending so much time with William.

So what happens?

William has to put some effort into learning how to fix his Nova. I suppose, for me, this was the best part of the script.

Jeffrey does teach William a valuable lesson about life, “You got to learn how to do something to know how to do it. The only things you’re going to do without learning how first is waking up and breathing, after that it’s up to you.”

And to me, this is what the script is about.

From fixing cars, to learning musical instruments, to writing, you can’t expect you’re going to automatically know how to do it. You’ve gotta learn. You’ve gotta work at it. Not only is that a fine attitude with which to approach the craft of screenwriting, but it’s the attitude that we should adopt while approaching life and our dreams in general.

See, I get that. I like that. That’s what I took away from this read.

But William wants Tamara.

He yearns for her so much, in fact, he may sabotage Evan’s Jeep Cherokee so that they’re stuck in Dry Lake longer, buying him more time to try and convince Tamara to go east with him.

I guess it’s supposed to be complicated, but if anything, it frustrated me. Although, I did like the final note of hope at the end of the script concerning their relationship.

So what was the problem?

For the first act or so, William intrigued me. And it also helped that Tamara seemed like a mystery (at first, anyways). I immediately wanted to know what sort of territory these characters were heading into, especially since Tamara had a boyfriend, yet spent a lot of her free time at Dry Lake with William.

But, because, to me, Tamara wasn’t that interesting (other than that she pretends to really like ghost towns), I ended up clocking out of the script around the mid-point.

To me, “Back East” felt more like a short story I could find in a literary journal like Zoetrope or Glimmer Train. As prose fiction, the story could work because the writer could do much of the heavy lifting through use of language. But as cinema? I think “Back East” needs more dramatic meat. Perhaps one of the issues is that Whedon is going for notes that are delicate and subtle, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. When it works, I marvel at the craft (the drive belt in William’s bag was a nice touch), but when it doesn’t, it feels too understated, almost skeletal.

I saw what the writer was attempting to do, but because I wanted more (more personality, more depth in the relationships) from the characters of William and Tamara, I wasn’t moved like I should have been. I think there are notes that could hit the right emotions on celluloid as a tone poem, but as is, the whole doesn’t feel greater than the sum of its parts.

Script link:

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I wasn’t exactly compelled by the characters in this script, and because this is a tale where not exactly a whole lot happens, my attention kept wavering. The weird thing about these coming-of-age Indie Dramas is that if the characters don’t keep me glued to the page, I start to miss something like plot. Sometimes plot can do some of the heavy lifting when it comes to pace and narrative drive. Plot can keep you turning the pages even if you aren’t ultimately moved by the story. In that way, plot can be like a band-aid for the existence of less-than-stellar characters. But when you have something like a character study or an Indie Drama, you can’t use band-aids. The characters have to have be three dimensional, unique, and possess flaws and shortcomings that creates conflict amongst the characters and an anticipation to find out what happens next. In that sense, character is the engine that drives the story. But in my mind, even if you have awesome plotting, the story should still be character-driven. It should still be moving. At least that’s the high watermark I think we all should aim for.

To get in touch with Roger, you can e-mail him at: rogerbalfourscriptshadow@gmail.com