I generally like to bust out the optimism here on Scriptshadow. There are too many people bringing others down in this business. “You can’t do this.” “You can’t do that.” Everything, according to these folks, is terrible. The truth is, the people who make it in this business are the people who ignore the naysayers – who don’t get caught up in the negativity. That being said, I’m a moviegoer just like everyone else. And while I respect the fact that thousands of man-hours were put into these pieces of entertainment, I’m just as mad as anyone when the product I paid for is junk. So I’ve reserved one day of the year to air out my frustrations. I should note that I haven’t seen “In Time” or “My Sister’s Retarded” (or whatever that Adam Sandler movie is called), both of which I hear are beyond terrible. And of course any year with a Transformers movie means that movie is automatically number 1 – so I won’t even bother putting it on the list. As for the rest of these films, each of them took my breath away. As in, I almost died of boredom watching them. Beware of what follows. It gets ugly.
10) Win-Win – Maybe Win-Win shouldn’t be on this list. It’s a competently made film with some okay moments. But I’m including it because it was the most average film I saw all year. And “average” can sometimes be worse than “bad.” I’ve had a problem with McCarthy’s films for awhile now, never quite understanding all the love they got, but going along with it because they were independent and Rotten Tomatoes always seemed to give them high scores. I figured it was my fault I didn’t like them. But after this movie, I’m not falling for it anymore. The narrative in Win-Win is all over the place. The central relationship between the boy and the coach is uninspired. I’m not even sure what the motivation of our protagonist is. To win a wrestling championship? I don’t get the sense that’d change his life in any way. So where are the stakes? The kid is boring. The grandfather scam is okay but ultimately unsatisfying. The mom stuff is cliché. There’s just nothing to grab onto here. It feels like one giant exploratory first draft.
9) Everything Must Go – I can’t tell you how much it pains me to put this on my list. For those readers new to the site, Everything Must Go was my favorite script a couple of years ago. I thought it was such a clever story – the idea of this guy being kicked out of his house, forced to live on his lawn with all his “stuff,” then realizing that stuff was a symbol of his past and that in order to move on, he would have to get rid of it all, which he does in a yard sale. Unfortunately, I can’t remember a movie where the performances were as dead as this one. The kid was boring. Will Ferrell was boring. Even the captivating Rebecca Hall seemed confused. Like “Am I supposed to like you or just be a helpful pregnant neighbor?” It was as if the entire cast was sleepwalking through the movie. And when your entire movie takes place in one location, the performances need to be amazing. I learned a lot from this film. Unless you’re writing a thriller or a horror film, be wary of placing your movie in a single location.
8) Cowboys And Aliens – Here’s a question for you. Who wins in a fight? Cowboys? Or Aliens? No wait, let me be more specific. Who wins in a fight? People 140 years less advanced than us? Or aliens 1 million years more advanced than us? Hmmm, let me think about that for a second. I don’t know. It’s a tough call. I mean the cowboys do have horses. Oh yeah, wait. THE ALIENS DO! But apparently the producers of this movie thought this was some sort of even battle, not realizing that any rational person would realize that if the Cowboys won, it would only be because the writers cheated. But that wasn’t this script’s only problem. The writers decided to write a movie where nothing happens for 60 minutes. I mean seriously. What happens in the first hour of this movie? The highlight for me in this film was realizing that one of the actors was Captain Hadley from The Shawshank Redemption.
7) No Strings Attached – Look, Ashton Kutcher seems like a nice guy. No, really, he does. And I’m not even mad at him for cheating on Demi Moore. But come on. This guy cannot act to save his Twitter Account. When you then combine his talents with Natalie Portman, who is to rom-coms what Snooki is to book clubs, you get the abomination that is No Strings Attached. Not only do these two look uncomfortable in their own skin, but they have zero chemistry together. No. They have negative chemistry together. Is it possible to have negative chemistry? I’m going to look that up because if not, we may have just made a major scientific discovery. Which would mean at least something good came of this film. It didn’t help that Liz Merriwether’s original script was sanitized down to a faux-edgy piece of fluff. Natalie, I love you. But stay away from anything resembling comedy. Ashton, I love you, but stay away from anything resembling movies.
6) The Dilemma – I just…I just don’t know what to say about this terrible film. Actually, I do. How is it that you can overlook a story flaw so big, it eclipsed the sun the day the final draft was turned in? A movie about whether a guy should tell his best friend that his wife is cheating on him? That’s not a movie. That’s a subplot. That’s a scene. But if you think you’re going to keep an audience’s interest for an entire film with that sort of secondary conflict, you need to be sent to screenwriter jail. No chance of parole. This is a movie! The conflict has to be bigger!! Our main character’s girlfriend is the one who has to be cheating. But even if you don’t take that into account, it still doesn’t make sense. Should you tell your best friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him or not? Hmmmmmm…um YEAH! You should. Movie over. And on top of all this we have to endure Vince Vaughn and Kevin James bumping into things for 90 minutes. Here’s a dilemma for you. Do you tell an established producer that the movie he’s about to make is going to be terrible?
5) Happythankyoumoreplease– Oh Josh Radnor. I still remember the day I read your script. I still remember thinking how beautiful the writing was, how amazing the characters were, how original the story was. Yeah, it was a bit self-congratulatory in places. But overall, I was amazed by your talent as a screenwriter. And then you had to go and direct the film even though you’d apparently never picked up a camera before. Long shot, close up, close up. Long shot, close up, close up. All that was missing was a wind-up bolex and 3 reels of 8mm black and white film. I can’t remember a single moment where a character was actually moving. Everybody always seemed to be sitting down in small rooms. And then of course there was the…..duh duh DUHHHHH…. COUPLE OF DEATH! I will never forget that couple, the way they argued over and over again about the same thing. About how depressed they looked. About how depressing they were. Those scenes were so torturous that I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from them. R.I.P. The Couple Of Death. R.I.P. Happythankyoumoreplease.
4) Somewhere – Look, I’m all for experimental film…WHEN YOU’RE A FILM STUDENT. But when you’re asking people to pay ten bucks for your movie, a cohesive storyline is required. Or a goal. Or a purpose. Or a point. “Somewhere” is a film that feels cobbled together from random dailies and rehearsal takes. Isn’t one of the first things you learn as a writer to cut out all the boring parts? When you start putting theme and symbolism and experimentation ahead of entertainment, you’re playing with fire in a fireworks factory. People will only travel down that path for so long before they start asking where you’re going. Coppola better be careful. She’s quietly directing herself out of the business. The title to this film is appropriate: “Somewhere.” Unfortunately, neither the director nor the audience knew where.
3) Sanctum – James Cameron should be ashamed of himself for producing and supporting this crap. What disappoints me so much is that Cameron understands the value of story. He made his living as a screenwriter before he became a filmmaker, and while it’s not his biggest strength, he’s pretty darn good at it. So why, then, does NOTHING HAPPEN IN THE FIRST 50 MINUTES OF THIS MOVIE??? I remember a 7 minute helicopter landing scene. I remember 20 minutes of people radioing each other back and forth in a cave about NOTHING. There was no main character as far as I could tell. No point to any of the action. It’s never good when nearly a full hour into the film you’re still asking the question, “What is this movie *about*?” I mean I could’ve improved this script by 1000% had you just given me 30 minutes. If your movie revolves around a mysterious and fascinating cave, then DON’T ALREADY START in the cave. We have to go in there together. Discover it together. Build some actual suspense. Where’s the fun in everybody already being inside? And you know what? I actually would’ve been okay with this IF the reason for it was so we could jump right into the story. Except we get there, then listen to people radio each other back and forth for 50 MINUTES! So the whole point to starting late isn’t even taken advantage of. I wish somebody would’ve pushed me into this cave also.
2) Beginners – No no no. Make it end. The memories of this film still burn inside of my brain. Pretentious. So pretentious. Have not seen a movie this pretentious since film school. Subtitles whenever the dog talks. Make it stop. Entire movie told out of order for no other reason than the writer wanting to be weird and different. 83 year old father coming out and going to clubs that play house music so he can pick up 30 year old men. Non-stop voice over telling us insignificant things or stuff we already know. 83 year old newly gay father is also dying of cancer. Of course he is! We must make this indie and different and as pretentious as possible! No story here. Just a writer trying to be “deep” and different for different’s sake. Sometimes random images would flash across the screen. Because of the pretentiousness. They hadn’t hit the quota yet so they had to keep going. This movie was a cinematic fatwa. The only reason it isn’t number one on my list is because of Melanie Laurent who was as cute as a jelly bean. Thank you Melanie for saving me from a boredom coma.
1) Skyline – Sometimes Redbox sends me codes for free movies. I used one to get Skyline. I still want a refund. Apparently a couple of visual effects wizards figured they’d skimp on screenplay costs and, what the hell, WRITE THIS MOVIE THEMSELVES. As a result, we get 47 scenes in a hotel room that I’m pretty sure were the same scene from 47 different angles. Oh, and 5 scenes where they peek outside and see aliens. I couldn’t begin to tell you what the plot was here. Some guy is staying at a hotel. Maybe he’s an actor. His friends come by. I think one of them just won a Ferrari in a game show or something. Game Show Ferrari Guy gets mad at our hero because, um, well because it’s a movie and people get mad at each other in movies. People’s faces turn blue sometimes because, um, room service sucks? I have no idea. Note to aspiring filmmakers out there. Not anyone can write a script. Find some money and pay someone who knows what they’re doing. At the very least your movie will be coherent.
Oh man. I really needed that. Those were some pretty awful movies. But stay tuned for tomorrow when Happy Carson returns. My 15 favorite movies of the year, which I promise will contain some surprises. See you then. :)
Screenwriting is hard. Every year I’m reminded of that. Most scripts can be divided into two categories. There’s the script that’s trying to tell the same old story as exceptionally as it can (something like Taken or Pretty Woman). And there’s the script that tries to do something different (District 9 or Pulp Fiction). The pitfall with the first option is that you have to nail every single rule in order to get the script right. And the pitfall with the second is that when you have to make up your own rules, which typically results in the script being all wrong. So it’s sort of like a “pick your poison” deal. That said, ten scripts rose above these complications to become my favorites of the year. As has been the case in the past, this lineup reflects my feelings at this specific moment. In other words, the list may not coincide with my Top 25. I wouldn’t say anything truly blew me away in 2011, but a few scripts came close. Let’s take a look.
10) Reunion by Adam Zopf
Premise: At their ten-year reunion, a formerly bullied outcast decides to enact revenge on the cool kids who made his life miserable.
I’d read 60 straight Amateur Friday scripts before Reunion, and while a few of them were decent, there was nothing I would’ve told a producer he had to check out. Reunion was the first script to buck that trend. And what I loved about it most was the character exploration. 99 out of 100 amateur horror writers would’ve chosen to ignore what made their characters tick. Adam was the one who realized that no matter what genre you’re writing, the thing that the audience cares about the most, whether they know it or not, is what’s going on inside of the people. That’s what makes you care about them. And that’s what makes you care about what happens to them. I don’t think this script has been picked up yet so if you’re a producer looking for some great material, check out Reunion now.
9) The Imitation Game by Graham Moore (based on “Alan Turing: The Enigma” By Andrew Hodges)
Premise: The story of how Alan Turing cracked the impossible “Enigma” code, which helped the Allies win World War 2.
It’s rare that I get e-mails from people saying, “You have to read this now.” I get plenty of e-mails saying I should “check this out when you get a chance.” But people so excited they want me to stop what I’m doing *this minute* to read a script? That doesn’t happen often. The Imitation Game is a spec script that proves if you write a compelling main character dealing with an extraordinary situation, your script will sell. That’s because every producer in town knows that if they find a script with a challenging main character, every A-Lister in town will want to play him. I also loved how this biopic was a story, with a goal, stakes, and urgency. Not just a highlight reel of Turing’s life. I didn’t expect to like this one. But boy did I ever.
8) Your Bridesmaid Is A Bitch by Brian Duffield
Premise: After agreeing to groomsman duties at his sister’s wedding, Noah Palmer realizes he may have made the mistake of his life after finding out that the woman who broke his heart is also part of the bridal party.
This is going to be a running theme throughout the Top 10. The reason this script is elevated beyond your run-of-the-mill rom-com is because the characters are so great. Not only do you feel the main character’s pain, insecurity, flaws, fears, and history here, but I loved what Brian did with Anna, the girl Noah is hopelessly still in love with. I think most writers would’ve made her a complete bitch. But Brian makes her cool, makes us understand why Noah fell in love with her. That steered us away from black and white – which is where 99% of romantic comedies exist – and into grey, where the world is way more interesting. It would be easy for us if Anna was a bitch. But because she isn’t, we don’t know what we want. I wish I read more rom-coms that made interesting choices like this.
7) Inherit the Earth by JT Petty (based on the graphic novel by Chris Ryall & Ashley Wood)
Premise: The last human on earth, a young girl, is protected by an army of robots against an even bigger army of zombies.
With the sub-par box office showing of Cowboys and Aliens, it’s looking less and less like this film will ever get made. But the reason I liked it so much was because it actually asked the question, “What would a ten year old girl really be feeling during this experience?” That may seem unimportant. But when you have zombies and robots battling for world supremacy, you need something honest anchoring the story. A little girl who just wants to be loved, who wants a mother and a father – that’s something real people can identify with and understand. For those of you paying attention, that’s four scripts so far, and four examples of me ogling over the character exploration. Have I convinced you to do more character development in your next script yet?
6) The Mighty Flynn by Lorene Scafaria
Premise: After a cruel heartless efficiency expert gets fired, he meets a strange 16 year old girl who unexpectedly helps him turn his life around.
This script is Jerry Maguire for a new generation. People keep saying it will never get made because of Up In The Air, but it’s so damn different from that movie. I mean, does Up In The Air remind YOU of Jerry Maguire? No, because Jerry Maguire is a lot more fun, and that’s the feeling I got from this script. It’s fun. Scafaria, besides being cute and having a cool last name, is really good at mixing drama with comedy. And I love the unexpected pairing she came up with here, not only because it’s different, but because she didn’t take the obvious route and create some sleazy romantic relationship between the older guy and the younger girl. It’s just a unique friendship. The only fix that needs to be made here is the ending and this script could be perfect.
5) Nautica (Riptide) by Richard McBrien
Premise: An investigator tries to solve a murder case on a ship which involves a handyman, a stock broker and the stock broker’s girlfriend, which won’t be easy since each suspect has a different version of the story.
This script has had a long journey and a lot of close calls and for whatever reason, still hasn’t been made. This is Dead Calm but with a more complicated backstory. There have obviously been a fair share of Rashamon-inspired films, but this is one of the few that lives up to the technique. I remember going into this with no idea what it was then coming out exhilarated after all the twists and turns. The characters here are interesting. The story is interesting. I can’t see anyone not wanting to be involved with this project. So let’s boot this out of development hell already.
4) How It Ends by Brooks McLaren
Premise: A man must race across the US to save his pregnant wife as the apocalypse rains down around him.
Here I am, trumpeting the importance of character development for six straight entries, yet my number 4 script barely peeks beneath the surface of its characters. I think that’s what turned people off and made them wonder why I ranked it so high on my Top 25. Commenter JakeMLB responded to this critique best. Brooks decided to take a realistic approach to his story. He wanted to put you right there in the action, attempting to mirror how it would really be. When you take that approach, an artificially constructed character flaw can feel forced and artificial. For example, it’s okay for Han Solo to finally overcome his flaw of being selfish at the end of Star Wars. But had we done the same with Will, it starts feeling like a Hollywood movie as opposed to a real situation. It’s a fine line and I almost always lean towards creating a flaw, but in this rare case, it worked. Not to mention, this is about as intense a script as you’ll read all year.
3) When The Streetlights Go On by Chris Hutton & Eddie O’Keefe
Premise: (from Black List) In the early 1980s, a town suffers through the aftermath of a brutal murder of a high school girl and a teacher.
Let the controversy continue! “Streetlights” inspired some of the more intense debate over a script’s quality as we’ve had all year. Some people were moved by it. And some people wanted to move it into their toilet. Count me among the former. I’m a big believer in this script and more than a week after reading it, I’m still moved by its haunting tone and chilling ending. At the beginning of this article I talked about the two types of scripts you can write, the predictable one and the chance-taking one. “Streetlights” takes chances almost every step of the way. An ongoing voice-over. Lack of a clear protagonist. A period piece. A love story that doesn’t emerge until the final act. And yet, somehow, it all comes together. If anyone can tell me how these guys are only 21 years old, I’d love to know.
2) Seeking A Friend At The End Of The World (no link)
Premise: As a life ending asteroid shoots towards Earth, a lonely man befriends a strange woman and the two embark on a road trip to say their goodbyes to their loved ones.
Writer: Lorene Scafaria
This is another one that just stayed with me. I love Scafaria’s knack for going quirky, yet still making her choices relevant to the story. For example, one might complain that Keira Knightly’s character’s sleep issues (the girl can sleep through the world falling apart) are a bit on the “Ooh, look how different I can make this character” side. Yet her sleep issues turn out to be a big set up for a later payoff during the climax. On top of this, I’m just a sucker for stories where two misunderstood people find each other. I never reviewed this script on the site but Scafaria, in her directing debut, finished shooting it earlier this year, so we should get a trailer soon.
1) After Hailey by Scott Frank (based on the novel by Johnathan Tropper)
Premise: After a newlywed war photographer’s wife dies, he must decide whether to help out her troubled son from a previous marriage or move on and start a new life.
What can you say about After Hailey? It’s one of those scripts where every character is perfectly written. It walks that inexact line between comedy and drama exceptionally. It’s got a great central unresolved relationship at its core, and one we’re not used to seeing – a man stuck with parenting a stepson he barely knows after his wife dies. I know I talk a lot about “heart” on this site and maybe I don’t explain it all that well. But if you want to know what heart reads like, check out this script. It just makes you feel good inside and it tackles a lot of identifiable situations we all deal with in our everyday lives, but in an amusing and heartwarming way.
Now that 2011 is over, I want to set a personal challenge to all of Scriptshadow Nation: Let’s dominate this list next year. We got one on the list. Let’s try for 3 or 4 in 2012. The things I preach on Scriptshadow aren’t revolutionary. But I believe that the people who follow this site understand the essentials of storytelling way better than the people who don’t. So let’s do this. Get out there and start writing. Create something great. I’ll be here to celebrate it when you’re finished.
Hey everyone. Short week this week. No post today or Friday. Tuesday will be my list of Top 10 screenplays I read this year. Wednesday will be the 10 worst movies I saw this year. And Thursday will be my Top 15 movies I saw this year. Going to see Girl With The Dragon Tattoo later today. I wonder if it will make the list! Enjoy the day off and get some writing done. :)
Genre: Family/Holiday/Musical
Premise: When a toy factory tour guide is framed for Santa’s kidnapping on Christmas Eve, he sets out on a race against time across mythical Christmastown to clear his name, and save Christmas.
About: Every Friday, I review a script from the readers of the site. If you’re interested in submitting your script for an Amateur Review, send it in PDF form, along with your title, genre, logline, and why I should read your script to Carsonreeves3@gmail.com. Keep in mind your script will be posted in the review (feel free to keep your identity and script title private by providing an alias and fake title). Also, it’s a good idea to resubmit every couple of weeks so that your submission stays near the top of the pile.
Writer: Patrick Bonner
Details: 107 pages
Ho Ho Ho! MERRY CARSONMAS!
Oh man. That was lame. I gotta be honest with you though. It’s gonna get lamer. All I can think about is all of the presents I’m going to be opening in 48 hours! Yahooooo! Dot com. I still remember when I was so excited about Christmas that I would secretly open my presents the night before then sloppily wrap them back up and tell my parents (completely unprovoked of course) that I saw the cat hanging around the Christmas tree and he’d scratched open a lot of the presents so I found it appropriate to tape them back up. And I was convinced that I got away with this every time.
Which brings us, appropriately, to today’s gift under the tree. Yes, I’m talking about Sammy Jingles!
Sammy Jingles lives in a faraway place called Christmastown, where elves and Christmas-like creatures frolic around like college kids on shrooms. Or wait. I mean children on sugar-highs. Let’s keep this PG. But to be honest, Christmastown isn’t one giant American Idol dance routine. No no no. You see, there’s a lot of pressure in this business, especially around this time of year, when Operation Chimney Assault is rapidly approaching.
It’s also a stressful time for our hero, Sammy, as Christmastown’s retiring governor is about to name his successor. It’s down to Sammy, the nerdy but cute Emma, and the Brody Jenner lookalike, Arnold, who also happens to be the big maestro’s son.
Sammy, who works as a tour guide in Christmastown for visiting elves, needs this job. Not just because he’s been working towards it for years, but because Sammy desires to be important. His goal in life is to be the number one celebrity in Christmastown.
Well, a few days later he gets his opportunity, though he doesn’t realize it at first. Santa Claus, who spent the last 360 days working out to get rid of his Rosie O’Donnel’esque pepperoni pouch, is kidnapped by someone (or something??) and dragged into the Ice Forest, where even the bravest elves won’t follow. But when Evil Arnold places the blame on Sammy and Emma for the kidnapping, they have no other option but to go find Santa and prove their innocence.
Along the way they meet some lonely trees, a Frosty the Snowman who’s sort of gone insane, and eventually Santa Claus himself, all with the appropriate amount of jingling in between. The question is, will they get Santa back in time to save Christmas? Or will that even matter to Sammy when he sees an opportunity to grab Kardashian-like celebrity status?
The first thing you realize about Sammy Jingles is that it’s written with love. And I mean a LOT of love. Believe me, readers are well aware when the writer is passionate about the material and when he isn’t, and there’s no question that Patrick is passionate about this story. I might even wager that he lived in Christmastown once. I mean how can you argue with a song called “Hangin’ Stuff” set to the Backstreet Boys’ “Hanging Tough?” Or a deliriously insane Frosty The Snowman? Or Sammy Jingles making an audition tape for MTV’s The Real World? Or a best friend named Emo who’s the most emo emo you’ve ever met?
This is Christmas and with any Christmas movie you want to have fun. You want to rack up the puns (CNN’s “Anderson Cooler”), you want to inject it with a heaping of heart, and you want to sing that heart out. Patrick does that here. The sheer level of detail that has gone into each character and each scene and each location and each song tells you that this man loves his story.
But not all is well with Christmastown. Sure the city is beautiful, but it’s also oddly constructed and over-decorated in places. I’ll start with what I believe is a critical scene mistake. The tour guide scene. This happens in the first act when Sammy is showing a group of elves the toy-making building. Patrick uses the scene to set up the rules of his world.
The problem is just how many rules there are (you will always face this problem when you have to do a lot of world-building in your screenplay) and if you try and pack too much explanation into a single scene or sequence, it becomes exhausting and grinds the story to a halt.
First we have the wish book which should have its own movie for how complicated it is. There are five different types of wishes, all color-coded, and we go through each painstaking one of them. Then the exposition shifts to how Sammy is up for a big job promotion. Then, after we’re all tired out by that, we go through a whole song. And then after that, the Mayor/Governor comes in, and we broach, once again, the job promotion issue, meeting all the major players. This kills the momentum of the story before it’s even started.
Yes, of course, you have to set up your story. But you also have to make your setup ENTERTAINING. Too many writers forget about the second part and are just happy to get all their exposition out of the way. Moving forward, I would split all of this info up into different scenes and simplify where possible (i.e. take the wish book down to 2 wishes, not 5).
My second big issue has to do with Santa Claus. And I told Patrick this. It feels odd to me that Santa Claus is completely separate from Christmastown. I think Patrick told me that that’s what he was striving to do. He didn’t want to tell a traditional story about Santa Claus but rather a story about the elves. Still, it’s very hard to watch a Christmas movie where Santa Claus is treated as an afterthought. It’s kind of like being told you’re going to the ice cream shop but there’s not going to be any chocolate. It’s strange, right?
There’s also a huge structural issue with the big guy. Santa Claus gets kidnapped near the end of the first act…AND NO ONE CARES! Just the fact that Santa Claus is kidnapped from the North Pole would be a huge deal I’d assume. But the fact that it’s also a week away from Christmas!!!??? Why wouldn’t everyone be on DEF CON LEVEL 10 searching for the guy?? Instead, here, everybody goes and sings at a bar.
It isn’t until 15 to 20 pages later, when Sammy is blamed for kidnapping Santa, that he decides to go after him. This needs to change immediately, particularly because of who Sammy is. Sammy is a character who desires celebrity. The second that Santa disappears, you need your celebrity-starved hero to realize that this is his ticket to stardom. Save Santa and everyone will love you.
In addition to just making more sense, making your hero more active, and having your hero act more within character, it would get rid of the worst part of the script, which is those 20 pages after Santa is kidnapped and nobody does anything.
If Patrick could fix these two problems – the early doomsday exposition scene, and getting characters out after Santa immediately – I honestly believe the script would be a thousand times better.
Finally, I should mention the songs because this is a musical. I’m not going to pretend like I understand musicals that well. I’ve read maybe five in my life. The tough thing about musicals is that it doesn’t matter how good your lyrics are or how amazing your writing is, you will never come close to conveying the way a song feels when you hear it. And so a lot of times I was skimming through the songs because I didn’t know anything besides the chorus and therefore couldn’t match the lyrics to the melody. That said, I loved Hangin’ Stuff. “I Love Mistletoe,” was great. And “Put Some Tinsel On Me” was cute.
I think this script has a ton of potential. I love the way Patrick’s mind works. I love his sense of humor. I love his dedication to exploiting every little crevice of his story. There’s no doubt he has that elusive “voice.” We just need to get some of the mechanics on par with the passion.
This script hovered somewhere between a “worth the read” and a “wasn’t for me.” So what does it get, two days before Christmas? Hmmmmmm….
Script link: Sammy Jingles
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] A Merry Carsonmas (and people call me a Grinch. Humbug!)
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Patrick’s writing suffers from a habit of staying in his scenes too long. I saw it in numerous places where the scene had already ended but Patrick kept writing. I pointed out the tour guide scene as one example. I saw it with the tree scene as well (when they first meet the trees in the forest). And I saw it scattered about in a bunch of other places. Remember guys, you not only want to get into your scene as late as possible, you want to leave your scene as early as possible. Don’t be the guy hanging around the party after everybody’s left. When the party’s over, it’s time to go.
Happy holidays to Scriptshadow Nation!
Whoa.
