Genre: Horror
Premise: A 1930s expedition to Antarctica results in a slew of horrifying discoveries.
About: So in light of Del Toro recently dropping out of The Hobbit, I decided to review one of his older and more beloved scripts, At The Mountains of Madness, based off of H.P. Lovecraft’s 1931 novella. But before I do, can we all just agree that MGM shouldn’t be responsible for anything that involves money. I think I have more money in my checking account than these guys do in their entire 2010 budget. The Hobbit is going to be locked up for decades unless someone pries the property away from this black hole of a studio.
Writers: Guillermo Del Toro and Matthew Robbins
Details: 107 pages – undated (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time of the film’s release. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

I can’t say I peruse through 1930s literature much. These days, the only literature I have time for is entertainment blogs. Oh, and the occasional screenplay of course. As a result, I didn’t know much of anything about “At The Mountains Of Madness.” I knew Del Toro co-wrote it and that meant there’d be at least half a dozen monsters with eyes in weird places in it, but other than that, zippo. That’s not to say I don’t like Del Toro. He’s a gifted director. But I think he’s got Tim Burton syndrome, where he cares so much about his creatures and set design that he kind of forgets about the story. So as I joined this exhibition, I really had no idea if I’d enjoy it.

It’s 1939 in Tasmania when the whaling ship “The Arkham” appears seemingly out of nothingness, abandoned and barely aflaot. An inspection team finds dead bodies, mummified dogs, and one lone survivor, a crazed man named William Dyer. Dyer is adamant about keeping “them” away, whatever “them” is. He is clear that if they get out, the world will become a living hell. I hear the same threats on an average Santa Monica street corner, but something tells me Dyer’s spittin truth.

He explains to the men that nine years ago he agreed to be a part of the biggest Antarctic expedition in history. Two ships, The Arkham and The Miskatonic, would take with them the biggest portable drill in the world, two dog sledding teams, three planes, dozens of team members and thousands of pounds of food to the ice-ridden continent. Their goal? To explore the last known frontier.

The leader of this expedition, the bullyish but determined Gilman Lake, recently discovered the fossilized remains of an odd creature, a creature never before seen by man. This trip to Antarctica may finally prove where the creature originated. And, if they’re lucky, it might lead them to more of them, possibly still alive.

So after months of, you know, floating forward, they finally make it to Antarctica, and when the morning fog lifts, they’re baffled to find themselves surrounded by huge mountains. And when I say huge, I mean “dwarf Mount Everest” huge. Everyone is a mixture of confused and fascinated. At the top of these mountains, the men believe they can make out…structures. But that can’t be. How could anybody get up that high to create anything, let alone live there?

Complicating things is the funky way their location plays with time. By some strange coincidence, all their watches and clocks have stopped at exactly 6:14 am. Chalking it up to polarity and magnets, the team sets their sites ashore. But almost immediately, they’re met with the first strange creatures of this world, 8 foot tall blind albino penguins that just…stand there.

Lake could care less about all the weirdness. He wants to explore and he wants to do it pronto. So onto shore they go. If they thought things were weird on the boat, that was like a creep appetizer. This is the whole damn creepy food chain.

The 6:14 time dilemma morphs into a full blown breakdown of the laws of physics. When they bust out the planes and start flying around, mountainous cliffs a full five miles away, all of a sudden appear less than 100 feet in front of you, all within a matter of seconds.

More creatures, increasingly weirder, are discovered on the mainland, along with something so terrifying it will change the very way we view life on this planet. This is the kind of place that could put a permanent end to the phrase “When hell freezes over.” Because by all accounts, it just has.

The idea here is to grab every bit of information they can find and get the hell out in one piece because it’s only getting colder and the boat isn’t going to survive in this weather forever. Of course, as we already know, most of them don’t make it. Which leaves us with the question – how did the group meet their fate?

I’m always blown away when someone’s imagination takes me to a place I’ve never been before, so count me a thousand-times blown away that this particular story was conceived by someone 80 years ago. Outside of the tentacles jutting out of people’s bodies (which obviously reminded me of The Thing), half the stuff here was more imaginative than what I’ve read in every horror script in the past two years. There’s something beyond disturbing about 8 foot tall blind penguins that just stand there and do nothing. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get that image out of my head.

I also loved the idea of fragmented time and space. It added a layer of complexity that made every potential circumstance they encountered even more unpredictable than it already was. I loved the revelation of how the creatures got there, what giant secret ultimately rests in the region — I even loved the simple but effective setup – two huge ships packed to the gills with equipment and men, looking for new life on the last unexplored continent.

The only area where At The Mountains of Madness falters is in how it handles its dozens of characters. When we get to Antarctica, we get splintered into about five separate storylines. My issue is that none of the characters in the groups seems to know about or care about any of the other characters or what they’re doing. As a result, the storylines feel self-contained, almost like vignettes, instead of parts of a larger whole.

This is a problem for me because it’s so easily remedied. You need those carefully placed scenes in a story like this where the leader of the group, whoever she/he may be at the moment, makes it clear to both the characters in the story, and to us, the audience, what the current plan is, how long it’s supposed to take, who’s doing what and why, and where they plan to meet back up after it’s over. It’s only natural that a team would approach a problem in such a manner. That way, the story has a destination for every character, and even if everything goes to shit, there’s still form to it. There’s still a spine in place for the characters to latch onto.

Aliens does a great job of this. Despite the characters constantly getting split up, we’re always kept in the loop about what everybody’s plans are (i.e. “Bishop crawls to the far bunker to remotely fly in a second ship – we barricade the area so the aliens can’t get in”) so we’re never confused about where anyone is or what anyone’s doing. Here, that’s not the case. Certain characters just go off on their own and everybody else be damned. It feels sloppy, and as a result, the story misses that focus that all great multi-character movies seem to have.

But that doesn’t negate the fact that this is still a blast. Even if the storylines aren’t as dependent on each other as I would’ve liked, they’re all, for the most part, interesting. There’s usually a new surprise around every corner and most of those surprises are engaging and/or satisfying. So in the end I really dug this, and see why it’s become somewhat of a cult classic in the screenwriting world. Del Toro is wondering what to do next. Why the hell doesn’t he go back to this? It sounds more interesting than the other projects he’s playing with.

Script link: At The Mountains Of Madness (This script is meant for educational purposes only. If you are the writer or copyright holder of this script and would like it taken down, please e-mail me at Carsonreeves1@gmail.com and I will do so immediately)

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Sometimes the most benign things in a movie can be the scariest. I’ve noticed this trend in horror films where we’re trying to make the creatures bigger, badder, and more frightening than anything that’s come before them. It’s for this reason that something that SHOULDN’T BE SCARY AT ALL can be as horrifying as anything we’ve ever seen. Case in point, the scariest thing in At The Mountains Of Madness is based off a cute cuddly universally loved animal – the penguin. They may be 8 feet tall here, but they’re immobile and blind, essentially harmless. Yet it’s that harmlessness that makes them so terrifying. The lesson? Don’t always go with the obvious choice. Do a 180 and go in the opposite direction. You may find yourself with the scariest creature/situation of all.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A man is forced to travel cross-country with his annoying brother in order to get to his wedding.
About: Disney picked this spec up back in 2009 for 250k. Kopelow and Seifert have been writing for TV for over a decade, having worked on shows ranging from “Kenan & Kel” to Oxygen’s “Campus Ladies.”
Writers: Kevin Kopelow and Heath Seifert
Details: 98 pages – May 16, 2008 (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time of the film’s release. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

My vote for the most annoying person in the world. Who’s yours?

The best “two guys stuck together traveling cross-country” movie is Dumb and Dumber by a mile. The script was actually a bit of a gamble when you think about it. Whenever you write about two people stuck together in any situation, the traditional approach is to make one guy the “crazy/dumb/weird” guy and the other guy the “straight man.” The extreme contrast between the two characters usually provides the most potential for comedy. The Farrelly brothers said screw that and just put two idiots together. Somehow, we got a classic.

The Most Annoying Man In The World goes back to the more traditional pairing of super extreme guy and super straight guy, and proves that it’s still a safe bet when done well. Stuart Pivnick IS the most annoying man in the world, and I have to give it to Kopelow and Seifert for giving us one of the best descriptions I’ve ever read in a comedy. Stuart is described as… “an enthusiastic, hyper, immature, naive, nosy, arbitrarily opinionated, completely un-self-aware, chronic complainer with no sense of personal space.” I love how they not only have fun with the description, but how it perfectly portrays Stuart in the process.

Across the country, finishing his bachelor party in Las Vegas, is Stuart’s brother, Alan. Alan is basically the opposite of everything Stuart is. He always wants to get everything right and boy has that become a problem with his wedding fast approaching. Everything seems to be going wrong and Alan is having to do damage control minute by minute from 2000 miles away.

Alan also hasn’t spoken to his brother in over a decade. Why? Well because he’s the most annoying man in the world! In fact, so relentlessly annoying is Stuart, that Alan’s created a ruse whereby he works at a remote research facility in the middle of the South Pole, one where he’s supposedly unable to communicate with anyone outside of his research operators.

But when Alan gets stuck at O’Hare and all of the day’s flights are canceled, he’s forced to call the only person he knows in town. Stuart.

Stuart, of course, is thrilled! He loves Alan more than anything. And when’s the next time the government is going to let his poor brother out of that research facility? So he welcomes Alan in with open arms, situating a second mattress inside his bedroom so they can both sleep together, then proceeds to read out loud and sing in his sleep all night so that Alan doesn’t get a wink of rest.

Despite being late the next morning, Stuart drives the exact speed limit to the airport, and this leads to a series of problems which result in Alan missing his flight. But Stuart comes up with the wonderful idea that they just drive to Philly together! With options dwindling, Alan agrees. Because Alan can’t tell Stuart *why* he needs to get to Philly so urgently (there’s no way he’s allowing Stuart to come to his wedding), it results in a logistical nightmare, as more and more wedding plans continue to fall apart, and Alan must manage them without letting Stuart on to what he’s up to.

The two take many detours, with Stuart repeatedly screwing everything up as much as humanly possible. He has a medical condition that forces him to eat at EXACT times, flipping out if he’s even a second late. He listens to movie scores in the car and makes up his own words to them (He’ll listen to E.T. and sing “E.T. likes reeses pieeeeces. He’s going home soooon.”) He likes to play games like “Guess a number between one and a million” where Alan picks a number and Stuart keeps guessing which number it is til he’s right. He truly is the most annoying man in the world. And for the most part, it’s really funny.

But like I always tell people who write comedies, you have to have the story and the emotional element up to the level of the comedy, and Kopelow and Seifert do a great job with that here. This is just as much about getting to Philadelphia without letting Stuart in on his wedding as it is about funny scenes. It’s just as much about two brothers reconnecting as it is about making an audience laugh.

I saw “Get Him To The Greek” this weekend and what baffled me was just how unimportant the story was. Nobody really gave a shit about GETTING TO THE DAMN GREEK! Outside of Jonah Hill half-heartedly reminding Aldous every few scenes, nobody, from the record label to the fans, gave a shit whether Aldous made it to his concert or not. I remember that at least in the original script, Aldous hadn’t played a concert in 10 years. So it felt like the concert actually meant something and was a special event. Here, he plays a fucking concert in the middle of the damn movie!!!, completely sucking dry any of the importance of the concert that’s supposed to be the whole damn point of the movie! – My point is, if we don’t feel the push of the story – If that isn’t completely dominating the narrative – then none of the comedy freaking matters. The Most Annoying Man In The World, much like The Hangover, feels like the characters’ plight actually matters and isn’t just a convenient destination for the movie to end.

My only real complaint here is that the script needs to axe some of the generic situations its characters find themselves in. At first, going to a carnival/theme park sounds funny, but in the end it has very little to do with their specific journey, and therefore feels more like a desperate laugh grab than a logical story sequence. In fact, I think all of the set piece scenes here could use a jolt, except for the car getting stuck on an ice sheet scene – which had me laughing for a good five minutes. I thought The Hangover did this well. In the initial draft of that script, one of the guys wakes up to find out he was at a gay bar the previous night. I couldn’t figure out why they ditched that in the film, but then I realized we’ve seen that before. We’ve never seen characters steal Mike Tyson’s tiger though. It just reminded me how you have to push yourself to come up with original sequences in comedies.

Overall, a solid comedy. And more importantly, one I think could make a great movie.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Comedies, more than any other genre, allow you to tell your story in the title. 40 Year old Virgin. Knocked Up. This is obviously a huge advantage in an ADD Twitter-obsessed 5-second-version no-fat-allowed world. But don’t just sum up your movie in the title, make sure it’s still funny and/or jumpstarts the imagination for what kind of movie it could be. 40 Year Old Virgin did the best job of this (I immediately thought of all the hilarious scenes you could have of a 40 year old man trying to get laid for the first time) and the 2008 spec sale “I Wanna F— Your Sister” also did a wonderful job. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. There’s still an art to it. “Two Guys, One Who’s Dumb, Roadtrip To Marriage,” may tell us your story, but doesn’t roll off the tongue. So if the opportunity’s there and you come up with something clever, do it. If not, specs like “Due Date” and “Cedar Rapids” are still selling. So don’t sweat it.

Yes! I am so glad Roger’s finally reviewing Kashmir. I’ve been hearing great things about it forever and have repeatedly meant to read it. Plus, as a bonus, he applies my 13 Keys to a great script and sees how Kashmir stacks up. I mean, I have to love this review, right? — This is what happens when you write an awesome spec. You get work. And Weiss has gotten worrrrrrrrrk and then some. Anyway, as promised, I’ll have at least one horror review for you this week – on Wednesday – and let’s just say I was pleasantly surprised. I have a sharp funny comedy review for tomorrow. Thursday and Friday are up for grabs. Enjoy Roger’s review!

Genre: Drama, War, Thriller
Premise: Three ex-mercenaries stumble upon information concerning the whereabouts of the world’s most wanted terrorist. They journey into Kashmir, the dangerous and disputed territory between two nuclear powers in order to claim the $50 million bounty on the terrorist’s head.
About: D.B. Weiss’ “Kashmir” was on the 2005 Black List with 2 votes. In 2008 it was acquired by Relativity Media with Jean-Jacques Annaud (Seven Years in Tibet) attached to direct. Weiss is a graduate of the Iowa Writer’s Workshop and is the author of the videogame-themed novel, Lucky Wander Boy. Back in February, I reviewed a draft of Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game adapted by Weiss. Weiss has also penned drafts of the I am Legend prequel for Warner Bros., Halo and an adaptation of George R.R. Martin’s A Game of Thrones for HBO with David Benioff.
Writer: D.B. Weiss

This is a tale of three men.

Watch Scriptshadow on Sundays for book reviews by contributors Michael Stark and Matt Bird. We won’t be able to get one up every Sunday, but hopefully most Sundays. Here’s Stark with his review of “The Wheelman.”

SUNDAY BOOK REVIEW (The Wheelman by Duane Swierczynski)

Welcome back to Scriptshadow’s Sunday Book Review where we get to play Delancy Street Matchmaker, setting up jet setting, multimillionaire producers with our favorite, dreamy, deep-thinking authors. Unlike eHarmony or JDate, we provide this service totally free of charge without even asking for anyone’s credit card digits first.

It’s a thankless job, thank you. Hell, it would be nice if someone would at least spring for a gift card or a Nectarine of the Month Basket for our troubles. A few of the books we’ve reviewed have been optioned and a couple that were dying on the development vine have been lovingly picked back up and revived. Coincidence? Perhaps. But, I do dig free nectarines.

In case you haven’t been keeping score, this is the third Duane Swierczynski novel we’ve thrown bouquets at. No, he’s not family. Nor is he dating my sister. Don’t even know the guy to ask for a kickback. We just really, really dig his stuff. The dude knows his noir. He’s Richard Stark, Elmore Leonard and Max Allan Collins all thrown together and mashed up in whatever damned mess hall apparatus you’d need to make U.S. Army strength corn beef hash.

Luckily, Hollywood has taken notice. Severance Package, the book Roger gushed all over a few months ago, has already been picked up by Lionsgate. No luscious nectarines or tangelos for ol’ Rog though. This deal happened over two years ago.

So, what’s the set-up, Stark?

Let me first ask if you’d like a triple espresso with you noir? A triple espresso served with a sidecar of crack, laced with meth, added to a shot of adrenaline and frightened-cortisol-saturated sheep gonads delivered straight through your puny breastbone into your tachycardial heart with a Jolt Cola and Pop Rocks enema thrown in for good measure.

The Wheelman is pretty high-octane fare. A fast and furious crime spree that would make a much better vehicle for Jason Statham than The Transporter, Crank or whatever piece of crap he just sold another piece of his ever diminishing soul to star in.

(Okay, I actually love the actor and him starring in the upcoming adaptation of Ken Bruen’s Blitz is the ultimate act of redemption in my eyes.)

Oh, yeah, this isn’t any ways related to the Wheelman video game or the Vinnie Diesel flick of the same name. It has to be a gazillion times better. Hollywood may know how to really amp action scenes up lately, but The Swierz (You try spelling his name a half dozen times) really out-ratchets anything I’ve ever seen before.

So, you were getting to the set-up, Asshole!!!

Patrick Selway Lennon is a wheelman. For those who don’t know the bank-robbing parlance, he’s the driver; the guy entrusted with the getaway. The guy you hire to get you the hell outta there before the whip comes down.

And, like most heists, things don’t go exactly as planned. Well, who wants to read about a perfectly executed bank job? How dull. This one gets pretty much cluster fucked from the very start.

Lennon already hears the damn alarms ringing by the second page. He sees his partners trapped in the vestibule of the bank they were robbing like “two gerbils in a Habitrail.” He could just leave them there, but instead smashes the getaway car through the glass window and rescues the poor schmucks. Bank windows may be bulletproof, but they ain’t quite carproof!

Lennon is a pretty great wheelman, but he doesn’t have a lot of nifty, cool dialogue. That’s cause the Irishman is mute. So, he has a lot of nifty, cool thoughts. Not cinematic, you say? How dare you?!! What is more film noir than a protag’s constant voice over?

Like a combination of The French Connection and Frogger, Lennon wrestles the wheel and gets them out of there before the cops come, managing to avoid smashing a baby carriage in the process. The young woman pushing the carriage, however, doesn’t get off so easy. And, from there, Lennon’s bad day just keeps getting worse.

They ditch the getaway car in a parking garage, hide the loot in a second car planted there and take a third to the airport. Seemingly, an ingenious plan. There, they’ll split up in different directions till the heat is off.

But, on the way to the airport, a reinforced van crashes into them, flipping their Acura over. Lennon wakes up, finding himself in a body bag. Two college twerps are trying to stuff him and the rest of the evidence down a construction site’s huge pipe. Seems the mob has been using the place for a dumping ground since the project first broke ground.

Even stuck in a bag, Lennon manages to put up a pretty good fight. But, he still ends up stuffed down the damned pipe.

Don’t count him out just yet. He, and quite a few of the other characters we’ll soon meet, are guys that stubbornly and comically refuse to die. There’s a gal, Katie, waiting for Lennon in Puerto Rico and it would be uncouth to have her worry if he doesn’t show up on time. He crawls out of the pipe, kills the college kids, steals some clothes and tries to figure out who the hell just double-crossed him.

Now, there’s really not much more I can divulge without spoiling all the fun. The double crosses quickly escalate into more twisted triple crosses that you’ll never see coming.

No one is exactly what they seem (Did Lennon just speak? What is Katie doing in Puerto Rico snogging another dude?) Soon, everyone is after them, including the Russian mob, The Italian Mafia, crooked cops, bent politicians and a few accomplices they should never have trusted in the first place.

Though most of our readers are student scribes, I’m assigning this book right away for teaching narrative drive. Drive, He Said! The Wheelman doesn’t just chug along at a nice clip. It freaking burns rocket fuel. Imagine Mr. Toad licking himself before going out on that wild, fucking, murderous joy ride.

What I learned: As more and more screenplays are turning into glorified video games, how do you give your characters some realistic heart even if their outlandish antics are a bit cartoonish? Elmore Leonard grounds both his heroes and villains with believable dialogue. Start reading his entire back bloody catalogue and watch the brilliant Justified. When you get your characters crackling as much as your action, then you know you’re on to something!

Points for discussions: Which heists flicks do you feel worked? Would you approach it Michael Mann or Michael Bay style? Are you planning to write one? If so, may I plug another Swierczynski book? His nonfiction, This Here’s a Stick-Up, might just start you out on your own life of crime writing.

More of Stark’s rantings and ramblings can be found here: http://www.michaelbstark.blogspot.com/

Watch Scriptshadow on Sundays for book reviews by contributors Michael Stark and Matt Bird. We won’t be able to get one up every Sunday, but hopefully most Sundays. Here’s Stark with his review of “The Wheelman.”

SUNDAY BOOK REVIEW (The Wheelman by Duane Swierczynski)

Welcome back to Scriptshadow’s Sunday Book Review where we get to play Delancy Street Matchmaker, setting up jet setting, multimillionaire producers with our favorite, dreamy, deep-thinking authors. Unlike eHarmony or JDate, we provide this service totally free of charge without even asking for anyone’s credit card digits first.

It’s a thankless job, thank you. Hell, it would be nice if someone would at least spring for a gift card or a Nectarine of the Month Basket for our troubles. A few of the books we’ve reviewed have been optioned and a couple that were dying on the development vine have been lovingly picked back up and revived. Coincidence? Perhaps. But, I do dig free nectarines.

In case you haven’t been keeping score, this is the third Duane Swierczynski novel we’ve thrown bouquets at. No, he’s not family. Nor is he dating my sister. Don’t even know the guy to ask for a kickback. We just really, really dig his stuff. The dude knows his noir. He’s Richard Stark, Elmore Leonard and Max Allan Collins all thrown together and mashed up in whatever damned mess hall apparatus you’d need to make U.S. Army strength corn beef hash.

Luckily, Hollywood has taken notice. Severance Package, the book Roger gushed all over a few months ago, has already been picked up by Lionsgate. No luscious nectarines or tangelos for ol’ Rog though. This deal happened over two years ago.

So, what’s the set-up, Stark?

Let me first ask if you’d like a triple espresso with you noir? A triple espresso served with a sidecar of crack, laced with meth, added to a shot of adrenaline and frightened-cortisol-saturated sheep gonads delivered straight through your puny breastbone into your tachycardial heart with a Jolt Cola and Pop Rocks enema thrown in for good measure.

The Wheelman is pretty high-octane fare. A fast and furious crime spree that would make a much better vehicle for Jason Statham than The Transporter, Crank or whatever piece of crap he just sold another piece of his ever diminishing soul to star in.

(Okay, I actually love the actor and him starring in the upcoming adaptation of Ken Bruen’s Blitz is the ultimate act of redemption in my eyes.)

Oh, yeah, this isn’t any ways related to the Wheelman video game or the Vinnie Diesel flick of the same name. It has to be a gazillion times better. Hollywood may know how to really amp action scenes up lately, but The Swierz (You try spelling his name a half dozen times) really out-ratchets anything I’ve ever seen before.

So, you were getting to the set-up, Asshole!!!

Patrick Selway Lennon is a wheelman. For those who don’t know the bank-robbing parlance, he’s the driver; the guy entrusted with the getaway. The guy you hire to get you the hell outta there before the whip comes down.

And, like most heists, things don’t go exactly as planned. Well, who wants to read about a perfectly executed bank job? How dull. This one gets pretty much cluster fucked from the very start.

Lennon already hears the damn alarms ringing by the second page. He sees his partners trapped in the vestibule of the bank they were robbing like “two gerbils in a Habitrail.” He could just leave them there, but instead smashes the getaway car through the glass window and rescues the poor schmucks. Bank windows may be bulletproof, but they ain’t quite carproof!

Lennon is a pretty great wheelman, but he doesn’t have a lot of nifty, cool dialogue. That’s cause the Irishman is mute. So, he has a lot of nifty, cool thoughts. Not cinematic, you say? How dare you?!! What is more film noir than a protag’s constant voice over?

Like a combination of The French Connection and Frogger, Lennon wrestles the wheel and gets them out of there before the cops come, managing to avoid smashing a baby carriage in the process. The young woman pushing the carriage, however, doesn’t get off so easy. And, from there, Lennon’s bad day just keeps getting worse.

They ditch the getaway car in a parking garage, hide the loot in a second car planted there and take a third to the airport. Seemingly, an ingenious plan. There, they’ll split up in different directions till the heat is off.

But, on the way to the airport, a reinforced van crashes into them, flipping their Acura over. Lennon wakes up, finding himself in a body bag. Two college twerps are trying to stuff him and the rest of the evidence down a construction site’s huge pipe. Seems the mob has been using the place for a dumping ground since the project first broke ground.

Even stuck in a bag, Lennon manages to put up a pretty good fight. But, he still ends up stuffed down the damned pipe.

Don’t count him out just yet. He, and quite a few of the other characters we’ll soon meet, are guys that stubbornly and comically refuse to die. There’s a gal, Katie, waiting for Lennon in Puerto Rico and it would be uncouth to have her worry if he doesn’t show up on time. He crawls out of the pipe, kills the college kids, steals some clothes and tries to figure out who the hell just double-crossed him.

Now, there’s really not much more I can divulge without spoiling all the fun. The double crosses quickly escalate into more twisted triple crosses that you’ll never see coming.

No one is exactly what they seem (Did Lennon just speak? What is Katie doing in Puerto Rico snogging another dude?) Soon, everyone is after them, including the Russian mob, The Italian Mafia, crooked cops, bent politicians and a few accomplices they should never have trusted in the first place.

Though most of our readers are student scribes, I’m assigning this book right away for teaching narrative drive. Drive, He Said! The Wheelman doesn’t just chug along at a nice clip. It freaking burns rocket fuel. Imagine Mr. Toad licking himself before going out on that wild, fucking, murderous joy ride.

What I learned: As more and more screenplays are turning into glorified video games, how do you give your characters some realistic heart even if their outlandish antics are a bit cartoonish? Elmore Leonard grounds both his heroes and villains with believable dialogue. Start reading his entire back bloody catalogue and watch the brilliant Justified. When you get your characters crackling as much as your action, then you know you’re on to something!

Points for discussions: Which heists flicks do you feel worked? Would you approach it Michael Mann or Michael Bay style? Are you planning to write one? If so, may I plug another Swierczynski book? His nonfiction, This Here’s a Stick-Up, might just start you out on your own life of crime writing.

More of Stark’s rantings and ramblings can be found here: http://www.michaelbstark.blogspot.com/