The Panopticon

Posted on April 6, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Sci-Fi
Premise: A medical salesman receives a mysterious pre-recorded message from his younger self detailing an unimaginable impending horror.
About: Lionsgate bought this spec last year from “Lost” scribe Craig Rosenberg, which he was originally set to direct. But now “The Haunting In Connecticut” helmer, Peter Cornwell, has taken the reigns. Rosenberg has directed two movies of his own (“Hotel de Love” and “Half Light”), written two others (“The Uninvited” and “After The Sunset”) and landed an additional feature writing job after the sale of Panopticon for Universal and Don Murphy titled, “Second Sight,” about a detective who hides the fact that he’s going blind while working on a puzzling murder case.
Writer: Craig Rosenberg
Details: 114 pages (undated)

Gotta love the Reader Faves Voting! Staring down at my “to-read” list is often a daunting task. So many unknowns. So much risk with each script opened. I hate reading bad scripts. I hate writing negative reviews. It’s so much better when ten people tell me “read this!” so I actually know a script’s halfway decent. Which is how The Panopticon ended up on my radar.

And I’m glad you alerted me to it, because it’s well-documented this genre plays on a 24 hour repeating cycle in the Reeves household. And if you’re into sci-fi thrillers like “Umbra,” “Karma Coalition,” “Signals,” and “Passengers,” it probably takes up a healthy dose of your viewing time as well. But if you aren’t up for a little ridiculous logic, a few leaps of faith, and a plot hole or two, I wouldn’t bother even transferring this to your brand new Ipad. Cause at times The Panopticon is as silly as it is awesome. Touch screen at your own risk.

Peter Burke is a highly intelligent but otherwise ordinary guy who sells medical equipment for a run-of-the-mill sales company. He’s smart, and could definitely do better, but for whatever reason, Peter’s satisfied with where he’s at, living the simple life. He’s got a super-hot girlfriend, Lisa, who works for a large corporation, and who’d like to see him take advantage of that magnificent brain of his. But he remains insistent. He likes the no-frills lifestyle. He wants to keep it simple.

And then Peter gets a package. He opens it up, finds a DVD, hesitantly puts it in, and presses play. He’s terrified to see that the DVD is of him, five years ago. He looks gaunt, and appears to be in some sort of medical facility. Peter informs him that he’s not really Peter. His name is Nick. That the end of humanity is near. And that he’s the only person who can save the world.

Yikes. Things just turned decidedly un-simple.

Naturally Peter (Nick?) is kind of freaked out about this whole thing. Grabs a canoe, jumps in da Nile, figures he’ll head home and sleep it off. But oh look! His apartment is ransacked (I’m pretty sure in every one of the scripts I listed above, there’s an apartment ransacking scene – future writers may want to avoid this to stay original). And, uh oh, there are angry men with guns at the door (ditto on men with guns post-ransacking). Peter acutely speculates these men are here to kill him and does the window jump. He somehow gets to Lisa’s work where he takes her along for the ride. But men with guns are always good at finding fleeing protagonists. And they make no exceptions here. Just when it looks like they’re surrounded and all sorts of dead, a van spins up to block the shooters and two men pull Peter and Lisa to safety, escaping the blanket of bullets just in time.

David Rohacek claims to be a scientist. He’s accompanied by a mysterious man Peter remembers seeing at Starbucks. We’ll know him throughout the script as “Starbucks Guy.” These men inform Peter that the time has come. The aliens are about to take over earth, and he’s the only one who can save them. Although Peter’s been playing the surprised card all this time, turns out he might know a little more about that message from himself than he let on. See, Peter used to be a defense bio-chemist, the pinnacle of his work being a super plague that could wipe out humanity within a few days. But during the testing process, one of the blood samples he was provided with showed some characteristics that could only have been…alien in nature. Peter blabbed his concerns to his bosses, who immediately deemed him a nutcase and carted him off to the Happy House. Once there, Peter found that the other patients weren’t patients at all, but others who had stumbled onto this alien secret. The government, probably run by these aliens, was clearly keeping them here so they couldn’t expose this secret to the world.

The only way out was some major rehabilitation with high-octane psychiatric drugs. The “doctors” needed to convince them that there were no aliens, and that it was all a psychosomatic delusion. The members anticipated their eventual brainwashing, and encouraged Peter to make a tape for his later “cured” self, so he would remember the truth. This is, of course, the tape he received. Peter, who has the ability to create a mass plague which targets only the alien blood, is the only one who can save mankind. That is why he’s been rescued by these two, so they can take him back to their makeshift lab, and he can build and unleash the plague before the bad guys kill him.


The question, of course, is “Is any of this real?” Did Peter really discover an alien blood sample? Were the other patients really rounded up by the government? Could he just be manifesting all this to deal with some psychosomatic complex? As decision time grows near, the answer to this question will have devastating consequences for billions of people, all dependent on a choice Peter must make. Is he sane or not?

The cool thing about The Panopticon is that it separates itself from every other spec within the first five pages. The story is told mainly from the point of view of…you! Because YOU are Peter Burke. So when Rosenberg writes, he’s saying things like, “You go over and hug your girlfriend. She’s hot. Damn you’re lucky…Afterwards you go to grab a piece of toast. You burn your fingers. Oww.” I know this sounds cheap and traditionalists are already rolling their eyes. And I admit, when done wrong, this shit is amateur. But Rosenberg nails it and within two lines I was so used to it, I actually preferred it. It made everything feel so personal. Hey, *I* was the hero. That’s pretty cool. — I also wondered if this was just a writing choice, of if the movie will be shot from our point-of-view. Like a first person video game. I remember this being attempted a long time ago in an independent film. I never saw the film but always thought it would be a unique way to tell a story. Is that what they plan to do here? No idea, but it would definitely be wild if they went that route.

I also love how the script plays with whether you (“Peter”) are crazy or not. We see evidence for both possibilities, and Rosenberg expertly shifts that evidence in and out of your favor throughout the story. Sometimes you’re positive you’re crazy. But then a scene occurs that 100% convinces you you’re not. Then ten pages later, you’re doubting your sanity again. By the time the climax hits, we really have no fucking clue one way or the other. And it’s that uncertainty that leads us to one of the better thriller endings I’ve read in awhile. (minor ending spoilers here) In fact, I was going to give this a simple “worth the read,” right up before the last three pages. But then a big twist comes, and it’s one of those endings that makes you go, “Fuck,” because you can’t believe you didn’t see it coming. But you smile because it worked. That made this a “double worth the read” right away.

The only problems are the aforementioned plot holes and implausibilities. I think everybody has their genre where they allow the writers to play hard and fast with the rules, and this is mine. I didn’t mind the plot holes in Karma Coalition. And I didn’t mind them here. Why? Because there’s a certain kind of fun absurdity to it all that shuts down my logic-checking circuits. Logic-checking circuits? What am I, a droid now? Am I taking over the world?

Nah, that would be Steve Jobs. That damn Ipad is everywhere. And strangely, I want one.

The Panopticon is a cool thriller written with a unique style that separates it from the glut of scripts piling up on executives’ desks. If you like this type of story or you want to know how this separated itself from the pack, check it out.

Script link: The aliens took it.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: Make sure your writing style is a natural extension of your story’s tone. Rosenberg has a lot of fun with character names here. For example, Peter’s co-workers are named “Fat Guy Passing Time,” and “Divorcee Trying To Make Ends Meet.” This works because the tone of the script is fun, intense, bordering on absurd. But you probably wouldn’t do this in a script like, “The Hurt Locker.” The writing’s going to be more serious, more literal, more reflective of the tone. I bring this up because I’ll often see young writers using a really flashy and crazy style when they’re writing something like, “Up In The Air.” If you’re writing a crazy script like “Repo Men,” your style should be crazy. If you’re writing something traditional like, “Remember Me,” your writing style should be traditional. If you’re writing something like “The Hangover,” your writing style should be funny.

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No Blood, No Guts, No Glory

Posted on April 5, 2010 | by admin

Hello everyone. Welcome to another week of Scriptshadow! This week we’ll be tackling some sci-fi, one of the greatest comedic screenwriters of all time, and…pirates?? Oh yeah, you bet. But right now, Roger’s going to review another Black List script. So let’s get on with it!

Genre: Historical Adventure, Heist, War
Premise: A spy and twenty Union soldiers in disguise board a train in Georgia to execute a scheme that could bring a quick end to the U.S. Civil War.
About: In 2005, Chase Palmer was profiled in Filmmaker Magazine’s article, “25 New Faces of Independent Film”. Palmer has several projects set up around town. Among them are Evolution’s Captain, a film about Charles Darwin for Academy Award-winning producer Cathy Schulman (Crash) and Dune for director Pierre Morel.
This is a script off the 2009 Black List and is being produced by Kevin Misher (Public Enemies, The Interpretor, Dune) for Paramount.
Writer: Chase Palmer

“No Blood, No Guts, No Glory” is based upon the real life Civil War commando mission that inspired Buster Keaton’s The General. It’s a fictionalized account about America’s first special forces operation and the gallantry of the men who were awarded the first Congressional Medal of Honor. I knew none of these things until after I had finished the script.
Nor did I know that the writer, Chase Palmer, is the man working on the adaptation for Frank Herbert’s Dune for director Pierre Morel.
I opened the script based purely on the logline. A few pages in and I couldn’t stop reading. Apparently, I was in the mood for a gritty heist story set against the backdrop of the American Civil War.
Oh yeah, when this script becomes a movie, there’s a chance that the finished film will have the most ambitious and epic train chase yet to be captured on celluloid.
What caught your attention to keep you reading in the first ten pages, Rog?
The first sentence is, “A bridge burns with lusty violence.”
Prose fiction instructors always talk about first sentences, but you never hear screenwriting instructors talk about first sentences.
Isn’t that odd?
The first sentence is a promise.
Not only is this a tale full of lust and violence, but the story delivers on the promise of the first line, striking the thematic bell in every scene, all the way up to the bloody finale, which takes place on a burning bridge called The Devil’s Tightrope.
The bellum atmosphere invited me in, but I particularly appreciated the character introductions. It was like walking through an open door to find a room full of people I wanted to know more about.
Whom do we meet first?
Well, a mother and her two daughters. They’re in the middle of stitching a torn jacket for their absent saboteur pater familias when the villains kick open the door of their East Tennessee cabin.
The first words out of Lieutenant Vickers mouth are, “Don’t move, cunt.”
His superior, Colonel Danville Leadbetter, “steps across the threshold like the devil on an Easter stroll”. When the mother refuses to dish out the whereabouts of her husband, Vickers loops his belt around her head and chin while Leadbetter sews her mouth shut.
The husband eventually returns to find his daughters locked inside cages that have been built into the Strawberry Plains Bridge. Not long after, he and his bridge-burning unit are perfunctorily impaled on ten foot stakes.
In front of their caged children.
As I read the sign with the words, “Welcome to Chatta-Fucking-Nooga”, I couldn’t help but wonder: Was I immersed in The Brigands of Rattleborge all over again?
OK. So who is our hero?
You mean anti-hero.
We’re told, “If John Wilkes Booth had Sinatra’s panache, he’d be this man and we wouldn’t give a shit if Lincoln were shot twenty fucking times. Meet JAMES ANDREWS.”
That just won a contest in my head as the most daring character description I’ve seen in a screenplay. If that doesn’t tell you enough, picture a handsome scoundrel in a black, ankle length duster.
A smuggler who’s working both ends of the Civil War forces for personal gain, we meet James at a Confederate hospital where he gets into a dispute over quinine he’s just delivered. He pisses off Captain Whitsitt and his quartermaster when he refuses to accept bluebacks (Confederate dollars) as payment.
He wants gold or Union dollars.
Whitsitt accuses him of being a Union spy, and the next thing we know, a saber is batted away and everyone finds themselves in a Mexican stand-off in the middle of the hospital.
The stand-off is interrupted by the stately and stunning Miriam Leadbetter, the Colonel’s wife. A true lady of the South, she strolls into the hospital to visit the wounded but soon finds herself flirting with the charming rogue while everyone has guns pointed at each other.
In exchange for holstering his weapons, Miriam invites him over to the Colonel’s house for dinner where they can talk about the gold he’s owed.
And if she’s full of shit?
“Well, then you’ll be in my home and in a position to take whatever you want.”
And he does.
But first he’s threatened by Leadbetter and listens to the Colonel talk about the importance of Chattanooga to the Confederacy. It’s a major railway hub that controls the flow of munitions, troops and supplies all across the South.
If Chattanooga falls, so does the Confederacy.
And Leadbetter is the guy tasked without protecting the city from Union forces. He’s convinced that the South possesses a quality that the North doesn’t.
Guts.
The North may have more men, money and industry, but every act of daring in this struggle has been by a Southerner. It’s a detail Leadbetter seems obsessed with.
When Leadbetter has to step away from the table to check on a suspicious stable fire, James grabs Miriam by the hair, and “without a kiss, or a word, he begins to finger her against the desk.” You know where this is going. (James violently fucks Miriam while “she clutches gold coins between her white knuckles” in her husband’s office.)
Holy Lusty Violence, Roger! So isn’t this about a heist?
Pay attention. Leadbetter shares James’ aversion to Confederate dollars. While the other loyal Southern gentlemen were turning in their gold for war bonds and bluebacks to ensure that the Confederacy has the warchest it needs overseas, Leadbetter has been hoarding gold.
Eight hundred thousand dollars, to be exact.
“What if I told you I got a line on eight hundred thousand in gold that if it went missing, the cocksucker it goes missing from couldn’t alert the authorities without exposing himself as a hypocrite, possibly a traitor and definitely an asshole.” That’s what James tells Cole, an old friend he recruits as partner.
But, how are they gonna move that much gold fast and far when the Colonel has an entire army at his disposal?
By stealing a train, of course.
James strolls into General Mitchel’s Union camp. Yep, it’s “Old Stars” Ormsby Mitchel, a general nicknamed for his fondness of gazing at the stars through a telescope.
James convinces Mitchel to attack Chattanooga, telling him that his forces will outnumber Leadbetter’s three-to-one. But what about the Confederate forces that will come in from Atlanta?
No worries, James is going to steal a train in Marietta and torch bridges, tear up track and cut telegraph wire all the way to Chattanooga, “Your troops will be dug in with one hundred miles of fucked-up rail between them and the nearest Confederate cocksucker who can do one Goddamn thing about it.”
It’s quite the suicide mission, but if it works, it will put an end to the war.
Doesn’t James need about twenty raiders?
Yep, and he gets ’em. But they are the dregs of the bunch. Mitchel gives him all the fuck-ups and headcases.
Among them are Private Shadrach, a soldier we meet while he’s luring a duck to come eat out of his hand. I know, it’s cute. But you’re wrong. Shadrach seizes the duck by its neck, douses it in hair tonic, and says, “Now this boys is what I like to call a Kentucky sparkler.”
He it ablaze and hurls it into the air while laughing hysterically, appalling the soldiers around him.
There’s a civilian named Campbell, a brute caught hiding out with an enlisted friend. His story? He killed a Sheriff’s deputy in Louisville. With one punch. Accidentally.
The only capable man seems to be Corporal Pittinger, an English teacher from Ohio who has been serving as a wartime correspondent for his local paper. Not only is he being tasked with chronicling the secret operation for posterity, but he’s to assassinate James should the smuggler choose to jeopardize the mission.
So the rest of the script is pretty much a train chase?
Yeah. Once James and Cole rob the bank in Marietta and walk away with Leadebetter’s fortune, the script becomes a hundred mile train chase.
James and the raiders steal The General, “a melody cast in wrought iron metal”. It belongs to the conductor, William Fuller, and it’s heartbreaking when his beloved fireman, Cain (a slave who has bought his freedom), is lynched during the theft.
The Confederates accuse Cain of being a Union spy after he’s tossed out of The General by the raiders, and everything goes to shit.
Fuller is going to get his train back no matter what the cost, and in a way, the story is as much about him as it is about James.
There’s a lot of stomach-churning deaths in this script, but there’s a lot of blood-pumping action as well.
There are bridge battles, a Gatling gun massacre against all odds straight out of Peckinpah’s The Wild Bunch, and a spectacular swashbuckling sequence involving the infamous Confederate marauder, Nathan Bedford Forrest.
Forrest, the first Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, sees a bridge explode and says, “Mount the fuck up, lads. Someone’s throwin’ a party and we just got invited.”
It’s satisfying for a Civil War geek to see James engage in a fight with the The Wizard of the Saddle armed with nothing but his bare hands while the psychopath is trying to decapitate him with a sword.
Just saying.
What’s the verdict, Rog?
You know, James has a helluva goal with impossible odds. He’s playing two sides in a war against each other so he can steal a man’s fortune. Even the men who are supposed to be helping him are a question mark at best. Who will try to backstab James? Will anyone rise up to become a true hero?
It’s not very heroic, it’s a mission borne of greed.
And it gets very chaotic, and we feel culpable for all the casualties of James’ greed. But somewhere along the way, the motivation changes. It’s not about the money anymore. It’s about completing the mission.
It becomes about glory.
In a way, this is kind of the twisted moral sibling to Edward Zick’s Glory. That movie is about sacrifice and true heroism. It’s lofty. For the most part, we empathize with all the characters and there’s true transformation. “No Blood, No Guts, No Glory” is more about charming men who do bad things, characters that we may not like (though we like to watch them), yet we can appreciate their courage in the face of certain death.
In the end, I was moved.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Heist movies are interesting because they usually aren’t really about the goal or prize, they’re about the obstacles and the impossible odds the characters have to overcome to pull the heist off. The more impossible, and the higher the stakes, the more involved we become as an audience. The audience will stick around to see what’s going to happen at the end. In that way, heist flicks do what we’re all trying to accomplish in our screenplays, regardless of genre: They keep the audience around long enough to see what happens.
This script also reinforced the power of effective character introductions. From the introduction of Leadbetter and James Andrews to the individual introductions of the raiders, I automatically wanted to know more about these men. The introductions were dramatic. They were intriguing. They were entertaining. All the men were doing something that told me about who they were as people. There was so much good grace I stuck around for more, even when the casualties of the men’s greed was taking an emotional toll on my sympathy.
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Season Of The Witch

Posted on April 2, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Horror/Fantasy
Premise: A 14th century Crusader must transport a witch through plague-filled France, the very witch it is believed, who cursed the country with the disease.
About: Bragi Schut, the writer, was one of the five contestants to win the Nicholl Fellowship back in 2003. He did so with this script, becoming one of the rare exceptions from the prestigious competition to get his winning script into production. The film is already in the can and will be released sometime this year. Schut, while not having a lot of produced success since 2003, recently made a big splash with his sale of “The Last Voyage of Demeter,” which follows the ill-fated crew aboard the ship Demeter, which carried Dracula’s coffin from Transylvania to England. Obviously, we can see why he was attracted to the material, as the storylines are almost identical.
Writer: Bragi Schut
Details: 2004 (2nd draft) – This is not meant to be a review of a movie, but rather a look at an early draft of the script. I wanted to get as close as possible to the Nicholl winning draft, so you guys could see what won the contest. The final film is likely to be very different.


Okay, the second you say to me, “Carson, I have a script about witches! Will you read it??” I will say, “No,” and then probably run screaming in the opposite direction. And I hope you take no offense to this. Believe me when I say I’m saving both of us a lot of disappointment. I just don’t care about witches. Or wizards. Or vampires or werewolves. My idea of hell is a Twilight/Harry Potter double feature. But you can only ignore people telling you a script is awesome for so long. And I’ve received so many endorsements of “Season Of The Witch,” that I could probably fill up an entire new Harry Potter sequel with the e-mails. But it was when I updated the Reader Top 25 list that I could continue my denial no longer. The script received over 40 votes, unusual for a script that hasn’t been featured on the site. So I did something I almost never do. I read a script I knew I was going to hate.

And then…

The magical wand of screenwriting came down out of the sky and proved, once again, that it doesn’t matter what the subject matter is. If you write a good story with good characters, people will come Ray. People will come. And I found myself smack dab center inside that cornfield: a believer. In fact, between this and “Oh Never, Spectre Leaf,” I may become an official card-carrying fantasy club member by next week.


Season Of The Witch is about a great knight who has lost faith in God. He and his loyal companion have just come back from the Crusades, where they witnessed unimaginable horrors, women and children slaughtered as ruthlessly as soldiers. It was enough to make a man lose faith in humanity, to make a man lose faith in God. And that is where LaVey finds himself, a lost soul whose faith has been broken. He can barely muster the motivation to journey back to his hometown, Marseilles.

But for better or worse, LaVey won’t have to worry about that. That’s because the French countryside is eerily empty. There isn’t a farmer or a traveler in site, and the two blindly trudge forward, becoming more confused with each step. What the hell’s going on here?? Alas, a stop at a local farmhouse explains it all. A couple, in their bed, dead, covered with boils and puss. LaVey and his fellow soldier have had the unfortunate luck of coming back to France during……..THE BLACK PLAGUE!!! – a pandemic that killed 3 out of every 4 people ON EARTH.

No sooner have they run from the house than they are approached by a bishop. The bishop surprisingly calls LaVey by name – tells him the Cardinal needs to speak with him at once. To the church they go, where an ailing Cardinal fills in the blanks. Everybody’s dead or dying, including him. The only good news is they have who did it, the one responsible for the plague. It is a witch, and she is chained up in the dungeon below. The Cardinal needs LaVey to escort her to a town in the mountains where monks are waiting and will sacrifice her – thereby ending the curse of the Black Plauge.


The thing is, LaVey doesn’t believe in hocus-pocus anymore. There is no Heaven. There is no Hell. Therefore this woman cannot be a witch. Tis impossible. So he agrees to take her on one condition. Once they get there, she is tried as a human. If she is considered to be guilty, then fine, they can fry her. Or, you know, shoot arrows at her head. If not, she must be let go. The Cardinal is incredulous, but what choice does he have? LaVey is his last hope. He agrees. Accompanying LaVey will be his comrade Felson, Sancierre (the knight) Debelzaq (the priest), Hagaman (the swindler), and Kaylan (the eager 17 year old dreamer, who hopes to one day be a knight himself).

The faux-fellowship finds themselves travelling through the eerie lifeless roads of France, occasionally steering through towns where the dead are piled up like old garbage, rotting against the sides of buildings. Disease is everywhere, and could strike at any moment. But the real danger is from within. The witch, who can be equal parts charming, innocent, evil, sly, and vindictive, is constantly testing the members of the caravan, especially LaVey, who she confesses to that she is the devil. But he dismisses it as the ramblings of a sick woman. There is no Devil. There is no God. And thus, he focuses only on his job. Get the woman to the town. Try her. And be done with it.

What I loved so much about this script was that it’s basically an anti-contained thriller. So many people are trying to write these contained thrillers lately, not understanding that there are other ways to keep a group together and retain the same type of tension. These six may not be contained by walls, but they all must stay together because of the situation. If this witch were to escape somehow, she would complete her curse, damning the last ¼ of the population. They, and every remaining man and woman, would die. It’s the same life or death stakes…from a completely different angle.


I also enjoyed watching the witch play with LaVey. She’ll trick one of the weaker members and slip out of her cage, have everyone chase her, get caught again, slammed back into her cage, and LaVey will ask, “If you’re a witch, why not strike us down right now? Why not conjure a lightning bolt to destroy your cage so you’ll be free? If you were so powerful, you could leave whenever you wanted.” And she basically says, “Cause it’s so much more fun fucking with you.” It’s that combination of threats from inside, a haunting countryside, the likelihood of disease, and each character’s, especially LaVey’s, own inner demons, wrapped inside a ticking time bomb, that give this script such a unique quality. When you add the perfectly baked macabre tone, you can practically hear the echoing clops their footsteps make as they trudge through these empty fog-filled towns. You can smell the dead. You can sense the despair. It’s really good stuff.

My only real problem with the script is LaVey’s belief system. He’s convinced this woman is not a real witch, because that would mean there was a God, and he doesn’t believe in God. But when someone’s able to summon wolves out of the forest to attack you, and then after defeating those wolves, she reanimates them to fight you again…I mean, I think at that point you have to admit that the woman in the cage is probably a witch.

Anyway, this was a very surprising read. Thought I would hate it. Ended up liking it a lot. Check it out!

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[xx] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: One of my issues with the Clash Of The Titans script was that Perseus sort of hangs back the whole time and lets everybody else do the doing. This is neither a good or a bad thing. It’s a choice, and one many screenwriters make. Neo’s character does it. Luke Skywalker’s character does it. And it works because we like the underdog. But your character definitely possesses a more “weighty” quality to him when he’s the one leading the charge from the get-go, which is how LaVey is drawn here. He’s the Crusader, the hardened knight, the alpha male. There’s something comforting about having a hero take charge, proactively dictating the story from page 1, and it was a good reminder that you don’t always have to transform the wimpy schlep into the surprise hero to craft a good screenplay. What’s wrong with making your hero the badass from the start?

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The Bridge

Posted on April 1, 2010 | by admin

Genre: Biopic
Premise: The story of how Washington Roebling built the Brooklyn Bridge.
About: You might know Tomasi, writer of “The Bridge,” from all his comic book work. He started as an editor at DC in 1993, working on Green Lantern and Batman. A decade later, he was promoted to Senior Editor. A few years after that, Tomasi left his post to pursue a writing career, working on such titles as “Green Lantern Corps,” “Outsiders,” and “Nightwing.” During that time, he also wrote a screenplay titled, “The Bridge,” that ended up on the 2005 Black List. Whenever I passed over the synopsis, I was always intrigued. I’m not a huge biopic guy (as we all know) but I love stories about impossible pursuits, and there aren’t many pursuits that seemed more impossible than the building of the Brooklyn Bridge, which was the largest ever conceived bridge at the time by 50%, and took thirteen years to complete.
Writer: Peter J. Tomasi
Details: 123 pages (undated)


As I pushed through the first 30 pages of “The Bridge,” one script kept coming to mind: “The Muppet Man.” Now if you go back to my review of that script, you’ll remember I had a big problem with the first couple of acts, that problem being I felt like I was reading a history book, that important information and events were being provided, but not dramatized. Sure, we were learning all about Jim Henson, but the education wasn’t nearly as entertaining as it could’ve been. That’s the same way I felt here. We learn about Washington as a child. We see him in the Civil War. We watch him interact with his father. But outside of some rare flashes, there’s something too straightforward about it all. Once again, I felt like I was cracking open the history books. However, this script really finds its groove at the midway point, and like Christopher Weeke’s script, entertains in its own way, turning a simple life into a complex and sometimes impossible journey.

Back in the late 19th Century, John Roebling was one of the premiere bridge builders in the world. He had built some of the biggest bridges in the United States. So when New York wanted to do the unthinkable and build a bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn, Roebling was the first engineer they called. The assignment would be the most difficult in history, requiring skills and methods that, up until this point, had not even been attempted. In many ways, it would be just as much of an experiment as it would be a job.

Unfortunately, John had his foot crushed in a boat accident and died after refusing to have it amputated (thus incurring a severe infection). With construction on the biggest bridge in history not even yet begun, the committee had to make the impossible choice of finding a replacement to complete John’s vision, even though his vision was revolutionary to the point where others might not understand it. Did they start over? Did they scrap the project? With heavy reservations, they went with plan C, hiring John’s son Washington, to realize his father’s vision. Although young, Washington had studied under his father for years and was the most familiar with the design his father had created.


“The Bridge” is about Washington’s pursuit to get something done that, for every reason in the world, couldn’t be done. It’s about how impossible pursuits can break a man down, both mentally and physically, about never compromising your morals and methods, and most of all, about never giving up. And for those reasons, it’s a pretty damn good story.

Once we get past those first 50 pages, which are plagued by that “history text” feel, the building of the bridge begins. And that’s where the story really takes off. I think the moment I got roped in was when I realized just how fucking crazy building a bridge is. Particularly with 19th century technology! One of the things they had to do was use a relatively new method of digging with huge inflatable structures called “caissons,” which would stretch from the surface to the sea floor, blocking out the water, which allowed the workers to dig into the rocks sans scuba gear. In addition to this method being extremely dangerous (a sudden fire or flood could kill everyone instantly) nobody knew about decompression sickness back then. So men were climbing up and down constantly through sea level, and terribly sick and dying as a result. And nobody understood why. And that was just the first of many obstacles Washington had to find solutions for.

On top of the physical building of the bridge, it’s 19th century New York, so of course every politician in town is angling in pursuit of their own interests. So you had ferry businesses paying politicians to try to scrap the bridge. You had steel companies paying committee members to choose their steel for the bridge. You had a bridge being built through multiple terms of mayors and committee members, each elected official posing their own unique challenges for getting the bridge finished. Because of all these unforeseeable problems, what started off as a 5 year endeavor, turned into a 13 year ordeal.


But where the script really shines is in the story of Washington himself, who became so physically ill because of the decompression sickness and overwhelming requirements of the job, that he eventually couldn’t be on site anymore. He retired back to his house, where he observed and advised the building of the bridge from his window through a telescope! The fact that the builder of the biggest bridge in history was doing so from his living room window was, not surprisingly, quite controversial at the time.

Much like The Muppet Man, which has a great third act, this script also has a great finale. If you don’t tear up when Washington Roebling, beaten down and crippled after 13 years of the hardest work any man has ever had to endure in a lifetime, walks across his bridge for the first time, well then dammit, you don’t have a soul.


Check this one out. (fun fact: The reason that the Brooklyn Bridge still stands over 130 years after it was built, while every other bridge from that time has been destroyed, is because Washington accidentally overestimated how strong it had to be, building a bridge 6 times stronger than is required by today’s standards)

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: I’ll start with something technical, since I rarely use this section to do so. I’ve noticed, after reading as many scripts as I have, that when you’re jumping forward in time a lot, simply telling us the current year isn’t enough. Because we don’t remember what the past year you listed was. It was 20 pages ago. So when you write, “1863,” on page 17. Then “1871” on page 37, I don’t know how much time has passed unless I begrudgingly go searching back through the script to find the previous year. A better option, unless the previous year you listed was a few pages ago, is to maybe put in parenthesis “1871 (8 years later).” That way, I immediately know how many years have passed. May seem trivial but it’s a big difference if 2 years have passed as opposed to, say, 7.

But the big lesson here is obstacles. The best stories provide a character with a strong goal, and then throw obstacles at that character in his pursuit of that goal. The obstacle has the effect on the reader of, “Oh no. He’s screwed! There’s no possible way he can beat this!” “The Bridge” has building methods that don’t work, impossible delays, not enough money, politicians trying to kick our hero off the project, ill-health, fires, death, everything you can imagine. 12 years into the building of the bridge, the mayor of New York tried to say Washington was mentally unfit to finish the bridge, recommending a new engineer come on. At that moment I practically burst out of my chair. Are you fucking kidding! After 12 years he’s not going to get to finish his bridge! How’s he going to beat this?? That’s the power of the obstacle.

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Your New Top 25 Favorite Scripts List

Posted on March 31, 2010 | by admin

As many of you know, today we’re revealing your Top 25 favorite scripts! The list we’ve been going by over to the right (below my own Top 25) is somewhat dated, so I felt it was time to give it a makeover. Just like last time, over 400 of you wrote in with your votes, and while I wouldn’t say there were any surprises ON the list, there were a couple of scripts that didn’t make the list which surprised me. This list would probably be more varied, but some writers/producers don’t want links to their scripts on the site and if scripts aren’t downloadable, people can’t download and fall in love with them. Cough cough.

I tallied the scores the same way I did last time. I assigned 10 points to every number 1 choice. 9 points to every number 2. 8 points to every number 3. And all the way down to 1 point for a 10th place vote. I then added it all up, and ranked the scripts by total number of points. Below you’ll find the script ranking, point total, the writers, the premise, and the status of the script. Before we get to the Top 25 though, let’s look at the scripts that just missed the cut (in no particular order)…

Aaron And Sara (Chad Gomez Creasy and Dara Resnik Creasy) – A nerd and a cheerleader explore four years of high school as best friends.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/04/aaron-and-sara-bff.html

Pawn Sacrifice (Steve Knight) – The life story of chess legend Bobby Fischer leading up to his historic world championship match against Boris Spassky.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/12/pawn-sacrifice.html

RED – (Erich and Jon Hoeber) A retired Black-Ops Agent must reassemble his old team to fight the new generation of high-tech assassins hunting him down.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/09/red.html

30 Minutes Or Less – (Matthew Sullivan and Michael Diliberti) A slacker pizza delivery guy is forced into robbing a bank with a bomb strapped to his body.

The True Memoirs Of An International Assassin (Jeff Morris) – After a publisher changes a writer’s debut novel about a deadly assassin from fiction to nonfiction, the author finds himself thrust into the world of his lead character, and must take on the role of his character for his own survival.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/07/true-memoirs-of-international-assassin.html

The Many Deaths Of Barnaby James (Brian Nathansan) – A teenage apprentice in a macabre circus for the dead yearns to bring his true love back to life, but not before encountering the many dangerous and gothic characters that stand in his way.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/09/many-deaths-of-barnaby-james.html

SALT (Kurt Wimmer) – A CIA agent discovers there’s a Russian spy deep inside the organization.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/03/salt-edwin-salt.html

Cedar Rapids (Phil Johnston) – A small town insurance salesman heads off to the “big city” of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, to try and save his company.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/11/cedar-rapids.html

And now on to the official list! (If you have updates on the status of any of these projects, please e-mail me at Carsonreeves1@gmail.com)

25. TELL NO ONE (183 pts.)
Writers: Robert Orci & Gary Kurtzman
Premise: A widowed social worker receives a strange message that forces him to reevaluate what happened the day his wife was murdered.
Status: Made into a famous French Film that won a ton of awards, but it looks like the American version is stuck in development hell.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/02/titan-week-tell-no-one.html

24. DEAD LOSS (184 pts.)
Writers: Josh Baizer and Marshall Johnson
Premise: A crew of crab fisherman rescue a drifting castaway with a mysterious cargo.
Status: Dead Loss was optioned and made last year’s Black List but I believe they’re still putting a package together to sell it to the studios. Chris Gorak (“Right At Your Door”) is attached as director.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/06/dead-loss.html

23: RENKO VEGA AND THE JENNIFER 9 (208 pts.)
Writer: John Raffo
Premise: Renko Vega, a disgraced cosmonaut, has resorted to a life of thievery with his best friend and partner, a sentient spaceship called the Jennifer 9. When a group of space pirates called the Augmentics take hostage the passengers and crew of The Starlight Revolver, Renko has the chance to redeem himself as he’s forced to choose between self-preservation or saving the people onboard.
Status: Recently entered the development phase. Don’t think anyone is attached yet.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/12/renko-vega-and-jennifer-nine.html

22. MIXTAPE (216 pts.)
Writer: Stacey Menear
Premise: A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to her deceased parents, accidentally destroys it, and uses the song list to find all the music.
Status: Hot director Seth Gordon will be directing Chloe Moretz (“Kickass,” “Let The Right One In” remake) in one of my favorite scripts of the year. I believe they’re still looking for financing so if you got the cash, call these guys up. This movie needs to be made.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/01/mixtape.html
Interview: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/01/interview-with-stacey-menear-writer-of.html

21. SHADOW 19 (224 pts.)
Writer: Jon Spaihts
Premise: Captain Conrad Vance, of the Offworld Marine Corps, is selected by the Special Science Agency to travel to a hostile planet to repair a super-intelligent machine.
Status: I believe this project is currently dead at the moment. Though I’m sure Spaihts’ Alien Prequel screenwriting gig will have some people taking a second look.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/09/shadow-19.html

20. GOING THE DISTANCE (248 pts.)
Writer: Geoff LaTulippe
Premise: A comedy about a couple trying to overcome that most difficult of hurdles: the long-distance relationship.
Status: Geoff’s comedy, starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long, is already finished shooting and will be hitting theaters, I believe, this August. Where’s the trailer for this thing??
Interview: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/05/geoff-latulippe-interview.html

19. BRAD CUTTER RUINED MY LIFE AGAIN (264 pts.)
Writer: Joe Nussbaum
Premise: A former high school nerd who’s finally achieved success in the world, finds out that his company is hiring the most popular kid from his old school. Before he knows it, the company turns into its own high school, and once again, he’s the nerd.
Status: At the moment, I don’t believe anything’s happening with this project. Great comedy though so I hope someone revitalizes it.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/11/brad-cutter-ruined-my-life-again.html

18. THE MUPPET MAN (272 pts.)
Writer: Christopher Weekes
Premise: A look at the weeks leading up to Jim Henson’s death. Henson is the creator of the most famous puppet franchise of all time, The Muppets.
Status: The Henson company bought this script and I can’t help but wonder if they ever plan on making it. My guess is that if they do, they’ll rewrite it into something a little more upbeat. Chris’ draft obviously touched people’s hearts, but I think the Hensons want something more happy smiley? All speculation of course. I have no idea if any of it is true.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/09/muppet-man.html

17. THE DAYS BEFORE (333 pts.)
Writer: Chad St. John
Premise: A man who possesses a time travel device uses it to go back in time to prevent an alien invasion.
Status: This was purchased by Warner Brothers last year and I don’t think there’s been any recent movement on it.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/12/days-before.html

16. PRISONERS (379 pts.)
Writer: Aaron Guzikowski
Premise: A Boston man kidnaps the person he suspects is behind the disappearance of his young daughter and her best friend.
Status: Prisoners, arguably the hottest spec of last year, looks to have DiCaprio leading the charge. Listed as in pre-production over at Warner Brothers, there’s an outside chance we’ll see this movie by the end of this year (but more likely next).
No review.

15. SUNFLOWER (410 pts.)
Writer: Misha Green
Premise: Two women are held hostage in a prison-like farmhouse.
Status: The script that everybody loved so much has gotten a page 1 rewrite. I refuse to read the new draft as I can’t handle such tomfoolery. Why change what worked? William Friedkin (The Exorcist) was attached as director for a long time, but horror superstar director Wes Craven has recently come on board. Since Craven has announced his intent to direct Scream 4 next, with Neve Campbell in a nursing home, I’m wondering when Sunflower will get to the screen.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/03/sunflower.html
Interview: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/07/misha-green-interview.html

14. PASSENGERS (465 pts.)
Writer: Jon Spaihts
Premise: A spacecraft transporting thousands of people to a distant planet has a malfunction in one of its sleep chambers. As a result, a single passenger is awakened 90 years before anyone else. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he wakes up a second passenger who he’s fallen in love with.
Status: Originally written for Keanu and always listed as a favorite among Hollywood insiders, this project doesn’t seem to be going anywhere at the moment. I think Keanu’s production company owns it so it’s all a matter of if/when he decides to make it.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/04/passengers.html

13. WATER FOR ELEPHANTS (479 pts.)
Writer: Richard LaGravenese
Premise: A veterinary student abandons his studies after his parents are killed and joins a traveling circus as their vet.
Status: With I Am Legend director, Francis Lawrence, on board, along with the “bothered” one, Robert Pattinson, Academy Award winner, Christoph Waltz, and Academy Award winner Reese Witherspoon, this film should be shooting soon.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/03/water-for-elephants.html

12. THE F WORD (497 pts.)
Writer: Elan Mastai
Premise: A young man and woman try to stay friends after developing intense feelings for one another.
Status: There’s no denying The F Word has a thin premise, but it’s the execution that sets this apart from all the other clones. Right now it’s set up at Fox Searchlight with Mr. Mudd (the production company behind Juno) set to produce. Word is it’s moving fast. So hopefully we’ll be hearing some casting/director attachment news soon!
No review.

11. SMOKE AND MIRRORS (504 pts.)
Writers: Lee and Janet Scott Batchler.
Premise: The reclusive “Father of Modern Magic”, Jean Eugene Robert-Houdin, is called upon by the French government to debunk an Algerian sorcerer who is using his feats of magic to spearhead a civil war.
Status: The last time this project had heat on it is when Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas came onboard back in 2000. But it’s a script everyone seems to love, especially Roger, who gave it a genius rating, so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone took a chance on this in the near future. And I mean, why deny a great adventure flick? There are so few of them out there.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/01/smoke-and-mirrors.html

10. THE BEAVER (520 pts.)
Writer: Kyle Killen
Premise: An extremely depressed man finds a beaver puppet in the garbage. When he puts it on, his life takes a dramatic turn for the better. Or does it?
Status: Starring Mel Gibson, with Jodie Foster directing, this film has already wrapped and is currently in post-production for a release later this year.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/05/beaver-scriptshadow-challenge.html

9. DOGS OF BABEL (521 pts.)
Writer: Jamie Linden
Premise: When a dog is the only witness to a woman’s death, her husband tries to teach the dog how to talk so he can find out what happened to her.
Status: They still haven’t attached anyone to this script. This is another project, like Mixtape, that needs someone to swoop in and finance it. Because you have the potential for something great.
http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/09/dogs-of-babel.html

8. THE GREY (527 pts.)
Writers: Joe Carnahan and Ian Mackenzie Jeffers
Premise: A group of oil drillers on a plane ride home, crash in the arctic tundra, where they become hunted by a vicious pack of wolves.
Status: Recently securing Bradley Cooper for the lead role, this project has some heat on it. The key will be Carnahan convincing Cooper to make his movie before he makes his 1800 others. Hopefully he will, cause this is too cool of a script to pass up.
Status:
http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/02/grey.html

7. THE VOICES (545 pts.)
Writer: Michael R. Perry
Premise: A disturbed man with a good heart is tormented by his talking pets, who convince him to do things he’d rather not do.
Status: Michael Perry is hot right now, and although there’s been no official announcement, word is Ben Stiller wants to play the lead in this dark tale. Get to it Ben. It’ll a great role.
http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/12/voices.html

6. THE SOCIAL NETWORK (549 pts.)
Writer: Aaron Sorkin
Premise: A look at the rise of Facebook and the effect it’s had on its founders.
Status: This is currently in production with surprise helmer David Fincher for a release either later this year or early 2011.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/07/social-network-facebook-movie.html

5. BURIED (564 pts.)
Writer: Chris Sparling
Premise: A man wakes up in a coffin with no idea how he got there.
Status: Already finished shooting. Played at Sundance. Was purchased at Sundance. Should be getting a release sometime later this year.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/06/buried.html
Interview: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/10/interview-with-chris-sparling-writer-of.html

4. EVERYTHING MUST GO (565 pts.)
Writer: Dan Rush
Premise: A recently fired salesman comes home to find out he’s been kicked out of his house by his wife. So he takes his things, which she’s left outside, sets them up in the front lawn, and starts living there.
Status: Will Ferrell is playing the lead part. I’ve heard this is either very close to production or has just started production. So it’s another project we’ll probably be seeing later this year hopefully.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/12/everything-must-go-happy-new-year.html

3. KILLING ON CARNIVAL ROW (851 pts.)
Writer: Travis Beachem
Premise: In the city of The Burgue, a police inspector pursues a serial killer who is targeting fairies.
Status: Everybody loves this script, and yet it doesn’t even have an IMDB page. I’m assuming the high price tag of the movie has scared a lot of financers off, but this is one of those scripts that seemed to be on everybody’s list.
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/08/killing-on-carnival-row.html

2. THE BRIGANDS OF RATTLEBORGE (872 pts.)
Writer: S. Craig Zahler
Premise: Set in the days of the old West, a sheriff and a doctor seek revenge against three ruthless thugs who robbed them and terrorized the town.
Status: I believe this is still over at WB and for whatever reason, they don’t seem to know what to do with it. Westerns are a hard sell and this script has been criticized as more a novelization than a script, but it’s got great characters so just find some big actors who want to be in a Western. There are more than you think.
No review.

1. SOURCE CODE (1539 pts.)
Writer: Ben Ripley
Premise: A man wakes up on a train that is being targeted by terrorists, a train that has already blown up hours ago.
Status: I think they just started shooting this. Moon director Duncan Jones is at the helm. Jake Gyllenhal is playing the lead. My guess is an early 2011 release date, possibly in April, where films like “The Matrix” debuted?
Review: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/02/source-code.html
Interview: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2010/02/interview-with-ben-ripley-writer-of.html

THOUGHTS: If you want to see how this compares to the original list, check out this link. What we have here is three scripts really dominating the race, with Source Code once again pulling away as the clear winner. After Killing On Carnival Row (which I still haven’t read, believe it or not), there’s a sharp 300 point drop. So if you want favorites, Source Code, Brigands, and Carnival can’t even be touched. A little surprised to see The Grey that high. Didn’t know others liked it as much as I did. The Voices isn’t a surprise. It’s a deliciously dark script, yet still retains an element of fun. Water For Elephants is another one I’m surprised to see so high. Guess the dark love story played just as well for you as it did me.

Falling out of the Top 25 were Salt, Winter’s Discontent, I Wanna F___ Your Sister, Fuckbuddies, Ornate Anatomy Galahad, Nightfall, and Passengers (Pruss). The biggest surprise is obviously “Salt.” What happened to the Salt lovers? I guess they moved on to pepper. Winter’s Discontent is a really fun script, but I was always surprised at how high it was on the last list, so I’m not shocked that it’s gone. Ditto with Ornate Anatomy. Passengers suffered from everyone clarifying this time around that they meant the SPAIHTS draft of Passengers – which makes me wonder if anyone liked the Pruss draft at all, lol

So there you have it. If you haven’t read some of these scripts, definitely check them out. There are still links in some of the reviews. And I’m sure people can point you in the right direction if you can’t find them there. Just ask in the comments section (use Firefox if you’re having trouble seeing comments). I’d like to keep opining, but it’s time for me to go read tomorrow’s script. Who knows? Maybe it will be on your next Top 25. :)

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