Three quick mini-reviews of upcoming sci-fi projects. Enjoy!

Writer: DW Harper (based on novel by Hiroshi Sakurazaka)
About: This is the big spec that sold a few weeks ago for a million dollars. It is based off the graphic novel of the same name.
Synopsis: Private Cage is 20 years old, a bit of a coward, and minutes away from the biggest battle in earth’s history. It’s some time in the far off future and an alien army has decided to dispose of mankind. And these aliens are badasses, grown for battle, able to dispatch humans as easily as you or I would flick away a mosquito. So when our not-so-courageous hero, Cage, lands on this futuristic battleground, he gets slaughtered in under a minute…Only to wake up 24 hours ago. Yes, Cage is stuck in some kind of loop, being forced to relive the same bloody hopeless battle over and over again. Cage also has an object of affection. Her name is Rita, better known as “the full metal bitch.” Whereas everyone else, within seconds of meeting one of these aliens, dies a gruesome death, Rita can kill a couple dozen of these things in under 30 seconds. She is mankind’s only hope. Oh, and while everyone else fights with guns, Rita fights with a battle axe the size of a man. Over the course of reliving the day over and over again, however, Cage realizes that cowardice is pointless. He begins to study Rita and her moves, slowly learning how to become a great warrior. He will also figure out why he’s being looped repeatedly back into this battle, and how he can stop it, a revelation that will force a choice of epic consequences.
Is it any good?: I ain’t gonna lie. I hated this script at first. It was all sugar and no substance. It felt like two 14 year old video game addicts having just played 100 hours of Halo, Modern Warfare, Gears of War, Resistance, God of War, and any other video game with the word ‘war’ in it, smoked a bowl and said, “Dude, we should, like, make a movie that combines ALL of this shit.” But as I kept reading, I found that there was a method to the madness, and that this was a sort of love letter to the video game generation. It is, essentially, a video game in itself. A guy keeps dying, but keeps getting extra chances, and gets better and better each time through. But what surprised me was, without overtly trying, they created a couple of really great characters in Cage and Rita. You really cared about these two by the end of the screenplay. When you combine that emotional component with all the crazy anime style jumping and floating and slow motion and fast motion and impossible game-style killing, you have that rarest of commodities – the GOOD sci-fi/fantasy film. This totally surprised me and I really liked it.

Writers: Alfred Gough & and Miles Millar (based on novel by Pittacus Lore)
About: This property was recently purchased with Michael Bay to produce. Sharlto Copley (District 9) is rumored to star, though I don’t know what part he’d be playing.
Synopsis: Whoa. Where to start with this one. “I Am Number Four” is about an alien teenager and his alien father who have escaped from their war-ravaged home planet to hide out on earth. But the baddie alien race finds them and sends a group of aliens down to kill them and the rest of the good aliens. Lucky for our teenager, the aliens will only kill each of them in order. Each refugee knows when one of the others have been killed because a special pendant necklace lights up. So when the third refugee gets slaughtered by the bad guys in some Brazilian jungle, our teenager’s pendant lights up. He is “Number 4,” and that means he’s next. So he and his daddy-o hightail it to the most obscure place they can find, some hick town in the middle of nowhere, then settle down and hope the aliens don’t find them. He enlists in high school, makes friends with the popular girl, and pisses off the bully. Occasionally, when he gets really mad, he uses his alien powers to fight back. And that’s pretty much it.
Was it any good?: In a word, no. I mean, granted, this isn’t geared towards me. It’s geared towards the 12-16 demographic, but still, this was just way too cheesy on way too many levels. It felt like a group of producers got together and tried to figure out how they could replicate the Twilight craze with teen boys, which is why it feels so familiar (a new kid comes into town, goes to school, alien powers instead of vampire powers, etc.) But if I’m being honest, that’s not the main thing that bothered me. I just don’t like stories where a protagonist goes and waits somewhere for something bad to happen to them. There’s nothing dramatically compelling about a character who waits around. So that’s what did this in for me. But just to fair, this movie is not being made for my demo.

Writer: David Twohy
About: This will be the third film in the Riddick franchise. Diesel has been public about his disappointment in the franchise’s death. But it appears that after much campaigning and the surprise success of The Fast and The Furious 8, he and Twohy were able to convince the studios to give them one more shot, this time, going back to the low-budget roots of the first film.
Synopsis: I still don’t know what the hell happened in the last Riddick movie. I remember a big city, some sort of ship, some mean guy, a female Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Riddick becoming king of the Universe or something. In other words, the opposite of everything that made Pitch Black cool. Well, it turns out Twohy realized this as well, as he’s going back to basics here. In the third Riddick film, it turns out poor Riddick’s turn as a king has gone sour. He had new assassins trying to take him down by the hour, and at some point, though I’m a little unclear on the details, some bigwig ends up kidnapping him, beating him to within an inch of his life, and leaving him for dead on some desert plan. Eventually, the broken-down Riddick finds an outpost with a beacon callout. Riddick presses the button, with the intent of waiting for someone to arrive, killing them, and stealing their ship. But things get complicated when instead of a rosy crew showing up, two merc ships appear, here for the express purpose of picking up the bounty on the most wanted man in the galaxy. As should be expected, none of these morons have any idea just how dangerous Riddick is, and must endure a slow meticulous attack by Riddick as he kills the mercs one by one, in order to eventually steal one of the ships. Things get particularly interesting when a former character from the Riddick universe appears, someone who DOES know how dangerous Riddick is, and the only one of the group prepared to take down Riddick, once and for all.
Is it any good?: Well, once we get through with all of the exposition, segueing from the last movie into this one, which takes a good 15 pages, the script picks up quite a bit. And the character callback from a previous film was a nice surprise. There’s no question that the low key simple plot structure is better suited for the Riddick world. My question is, is it too simple? I mean, this is basically an extended version of the sequence from the second film where the mercs were trying to catch Riddick on that Rogue planet. I think I was looking for something a little more…more-y. But overall, an enjoyable read, and a nice return to what made Riddick cool.

So, I’d like to introduce you all to Matt Bird, a screenwriter and book lover who will be occasionally contributing to the site. I’ve toyed with the idea of creating a Sunday “Book Review” segment for awhile and while Matt’s schedule won’t permit him to commit a review every Sunday, he will pop in from time to time, and give us advance word on some newer properties, or chime in on an un-optioned property that’s just dying to be made into a movie. If the segment works out, I may bring in another reviewer or two to fill in the gaps, so the Sunday review can be a weekly thing. But for Matt’s introductory post, he’s going to be filling you in on six books you should be adding to your Ipad book queue. Enjoy and don’t forget to say hi to Matt.

Hello Scriptshadow readers: You don’t know about me, less you have read a blog called Cockeyed Caravan, but that ain’t no matter. I’m a big Scriptshadow fan and a working screenwriter. When Carson ran pieces by Roger and Michael, recommending books that they’d like to see turned into movies, I knew I’d found my calling, and got in touch with him right away. Carson asked if I could focus more on books that are upcoming and not yet sold. I thought that was great idea, so here goes–

My wife reviews books for a bunch of places, including her blog on School Library Journal, so I had plenty of youth-oriented Advanced Reader Copies at hand. I decided to start off spotlighting some Young Adult books that might have cross-over potential for those elusive four-quadrant movies. You’ve seen how the “Twilight” movies have intensified Hollywood’s youth obsession… well, imagine how much bigger that youth-quake has been on publishing side, where the books are an even bigger phenomenon. As a result, there are a lot of talented writers sticking a toe into this material. The hottest properties sell the movie rights long in advance, but a lot of good stuff has slipped through that net and is now approaching publication without a sale. According to IMDB Pro, there are no movies in development based on these promising properties:

The Boneshaker, by Kate Milford, comes out next month. In his piece, Roger recommended a recent alternate history adult novel with an almost identical name. This one is The Boneshaker. (The author blogs about her panic when she found out about her doppelganger here). That book used the term to describe a drill, but the term was originally a nickname for early bicycles, and that’s what it means here.

Natalie is a 13-year old girl in 1913 Arcane, Missouri whose father tinkers with bicycles and automatons, but nothing as intricate as the terrifiying perpetual motion machines built by Dr. Limberleg, who has brought his sinister medicine show to the edge of town. Limberleg is accompanied by four inhuman assistants who each specialize in a different nostrum: nightmarish versions of phrenology, animal magnetism, hyrdrotherapy, and amber therapy that show off the author’s flair for creepy visuals. Con-men used the phrase “burn the town” back then, but Dr. Limberleg means it in more ways than one. What he doesn’t suspect, however, that he’s stepped into the middle of a battle that has already been brewing in Arcane for years, between Satan himself and a Robert-Johnson-esque guitar player.

I picked this one because it reminded me of some other properties that have attracted attention: Like Scorsese’s next big adaptation, “The Invention of Hugo Cabret”, it includes some steampunk elements introduced into a real-world setting. Like “Holes”, one of the most successful adaptations of a kids book in the last ten years, it ties together many American myths into one neat little package, using real-life tragedies to spice up the mythology and add weight to the story (such as the “jake leg” scandal)

In fiction, steampunk has been an idea that has proven very popular with authors (if only somewhat popular with readers) but it’s barely crossed over into film. I think that that’s because most steampunk books (like the other Boneshaker) have been alternate histories, and movie audiences just don’t have the time or the patience to figure those out (see also: the Golden Compass movie) Give material like to this to a director like Guillermo Del Toro and I think the visual appeal of clockwork creatures and steam-powered junk science could finally make for a great movie.

Fat Vampire by Adam Rex comes out in July. Rex is a very funny writer and this book is one of many hoping to be recognized as “the anti-Twilight”. It’s got a neat central metaphor: Doug was a fat 16-year-old loser when he was bitten, and now he realizes that he’s never going to lose any more weight or become any cooler—a nice reversal of the usual “strong and beautiful forever” conception of teen vampires.

Rex’s great talent is for hilarious dialogue and fully-rounded characters (no pun intended) We cut back and forth between the worlds of Doug, his dry-witted Indian exchange student crush Sejal, and the reality TV host of “Vampire Hunters”, who is on the hunt for his first real vampire (Everyone they’ve caught on the show so far has turned to be merely non-superhuman Eurotrash). Doug, inspired by a viewing a “Lost Boys” type teen-movie, thinks that he can cure himself by killing the head vampire, a dubious quest that brings together all the players for the final confrontation. Unfortunately, the metaphor doesn’t pay off as well as it could in the end, but a good screenwriter could use this material to craft a more linear and cinematic narrative than the book provides.

By far the best book I found was actually a British book that came out over a year ago, but it’s remained merely a cult hit so far, so it still fits the “new and undiscovered” category. The sequel is about to be published here and I suspect that it’ll give this series the break it needs. The Carbon Diaries 2015 by Saci Lloyd is a far more realistic version of “The Day After Tomorrow” crossed with “Scott Pilgrim”. It follows a snarky16-year old trying to launch her punk band as she suffers through London’s first year of carbon rationing, brought on by the increasingly extreme weather that is destroying many cities. This has a very cinematic escalating structure and a real epic scope, nicely telescoped in this one girl’s dawning awareness of the problem. It all culminates in a harrowing flood that snaps all the elements together, including a surprisingly effective low-key romance.

I hear that the sequel, “The Carbon Diaries 2017”, which I want to get my hands on, will show the punk band getting more revolutionary, putting them in opposition to the reactionary anti-rationing forces that are turning to violence across the country. Any producer who feared that Laura was too much of an observer of the problem in the first book could synthesize the two and get enough active-protagonist material for a thrilling movie.

I think the main thing holding back the first book from crossing over so far is how British it is. For one thing, it’s about a 16-year old going through her first year of college, which just seem totally wrong to Americans. Would a movie need to be Americanized to give it a broader audience? I don’t see why not, but the trend now is definitely towards super-faithful adaptations, and I think it could work in the original setting too, though you’d probably want a smaller budget, just to be safe. This could work as a smaller film, too, because it’s a disaster story driven more by strong characters than spectacle.

Don’t you want to see Carey Mulligan in punk get-up, smashing the windows of high-polluting cars? I know I do.

So that’s the state of upcoming teen books. Of course any production company that chases after hot ARCs quickly learns that it’s a tough way to make money—the most cinematic books have the most bidders, and many producers who pre-buy a book based on hype find themselves stuck with a dud after it comes out and fizzles. It always surprises me that prodcos don’t spend more time tracking down forgotten literary properties. As Roger and Michael did before me, I’ll spotlight a few of my favorites. Of course, as you can probably guess, I’ve been unable to interest my own managers in adaptations of these books, but I still think that they’d make great movies:

Michael covered “High Rise”, but here’s the J. G. Ballard book that I’ve always thought would make for a great cheap indie thriller: Concrete Island. It’s such a beautifully simple premise and a great metaphor for modern malaise: “Robinson Crusoe on a traffic island.” It’s that simple.

Robert Maitland is an asshole architect is driving back and forth between his mistress and his wife, both of whom have gotten used to his absences, when his car flips over a highway divider, stranding him on a large traffic island in the middle of a massive suburban highway interchange. He thinks that he’ll get up the steep embankments surrounding the several-acre ditch easily, but he’s injured and nobody zipping along the highway can see him down there. Days pass and each plan for getting out fizzles. Then, just like his literary predecessor, he finds another set of footprints. Eventually, Maitland comes to see that the highway makers bulldozed over an older neighborhood and the basements of various businesses are still there under the surface. He identifies his own his own nightmare-version of “Friday”, a brain-damaged homeless man, but he also finds a young woman living there who doesn’t want anyone to ever leave the “island”.

Obviously, the first half would be plagued by the same problem that any survival-drama has: the lack of anyone to talk to. This would probably have to be solved through narration, but there are other solutions too, such as the personified volleyball in “Cast Away”. Or you could just compress that half of the novel and get to the interpersonal conflict sooner. The movie needs to get made simply because it’s the ultimate high-concept: everyone who hears the one-line pitch gets an instant smile from picturing this situation and the metaphor it implies. Someone can take that seed and grow a great movie out of it.

“Concrete Island” shouldn’t cost that much to option, but you can get off even cheaper if you can find something in the public domain that’s ready for adaptation. Of course, since it takes almost a hundred years these days for copyright to expire, those savings usually disappear because properties that old demand super-expensive 19th-century-set adaptations, right? Well don’t tell Spielberg, who made some nice money on “War of the Worlds”. So what else could get the same treatment?

I’ve always been shocked that they’ve never made a movie of G. K. Chesterton’s “The Man Who Was Thursday”. It’s over a hundred years old, but its premise could not be more edgy: in a terrified city rocked by anarchist bombings, a young cop is assigned by his secretive boss to infiltrate a terrorist cell, whose members are named after the seven days of the week. He follows a nightmarish path into the catacombs of the city to find the leaders. He eventually becomes the new Thursday, but as he confronts his fellow terrorist one by one, he finds that each one is also an undercover cop, or at least thinks they are.

The book’s resolution is probably too surreal for an updated movie adaptation, but, just as they’ve done with all those Phillip K. Dick adaptations, a screenwriter could convert this concept into a more traditional, but still head-trippy thriller— something like “The Adjustment Bureau”.

Another upcoming adaptation that has passed through Scorsese’s hands is “High and Low”, which has the cachet of being based on Kurosawa film, but guess what? Kurasawa’s film was based on an American crime paperback that nobody over here had spotted the value of. This still goes on, with the French selling “Tell No One” back to us after we couldn’t get the movie made ourselves. The novel that “High and Low” was based on was “King’s Ransom” by Ed McBain, one of 56 books he produced about the detectives of the 87thprecinct, a series that only recently ended with McBain’s death in 2005. Instead of watching different A-list directors fight over who gets to direct the remake of the one art film that was already made from this material, why not pick one of the other lean, mean novels in this series and find the value in it, just like Kurasawa did?

In the final ten years of the series, McBain introduced a new detective that quickly became a fan favorite: Fat Ollie Weeks was a crude racist slob who drove the more conscientious detectives crazy simply by being too good to fire. In two of the best books from this period, “Money, Money, Money” and “Fat Ollie’s Book”, McBain started the painfully awkward process of turning Ollie into a better person. After uncovering a CIA front-company run amok in the first book, Ollie decides to fictionalize that story into his own debut crime novel, in which he’s replaced himself with a sexy-young female supercop. After his terrible manuscript is stolen from his car, Ollie realizes that the only way he can get it back is to find the criminals who are now trying to recreate the impossible crimes he’s described. Meanwhile, he’s shocked to find himself falling in love with a young Latina street cop who sees past his surface vulgarity. McBain is widely acknowledged as one of the all-time great dialogue-writers. With the introduction of Fat Ollie, he was able to invest his neat little police procedural plots with a bigger emotion payoff.

These books could become two movies or one. The best American adaptation of an 87thPrecinct book was the good-but-not-great Burt Reynolds movies “Fuzz”. That movie made the smart move of drawing on multiple books in the series. After all, if Orson Welles could pull together all of Shakespeare’s Falstaff scenes into one movie for “Chimes at Midnight”, there’s no reason that a few novels couldn’t be stitched together to make the ultimate Fat Ollie movie.

If last week was weird, this week will be wacky. There ain’t no unifying theme here I’m afraid. Today Roger hits you with a horror thriller. Tomorrow, I’m going to review a script from a writer who has a hot mysterious project out there somewhere (to, of course, drum up awareness that I’m looking for said hot mysterious project’s script). Wednesday we’ll either have a writer interview or another book-review post. Thursday will be a quiet character driven story review. Then Friday will be something I’ve never done before. If you’re a fan of sci-fi, you’ll want to tune in, cause I’m writing 3 mini-reviews of hot sci-fi projects around town. — Now, if you haven’t heard about the craziness happening in the month of May here at Scriptshadow, time to go back and read that post. And when you’re done wrapping your head around all of that, come back and read Roger’s review of “Pet!”

Genre: Thriller, Horror
Premise: A lonely animal shelter worker descends into a downward spiral of obsession when he stalks and abducts his crush, imprisoning her in a cage. But according to her diary, this young woman may be more deadly than she seems.
About: Jeremy Slater’s “Pet” sold to MGM back in 2007, the same year that his spec “Score” landed on the Black List. Since then, he sold “My Spy” to CBS Films, which has been described as Three O’Clock High meets Alias. Last week, Slater made the headlines again when it was announced that he was the writer on a Dreamworks airport thriller project pitched by none other than Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci.
Writer: Jeremy Slater
Details: 1^st Revision dated 5/19/07

Last week, we all heard about Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci pitching a thriller set in an airport to Dreamworks. Flog me if you will, but I think these guys are brilliant pop writers, so I wasn’t surprised to read about them selling a pitch. What intrigued me was the name of the writer attached. A dude named Jeremy Slater. Why was this guy getting the Orci-Kurtzman seal of approval?

E-mail to Blink:

Blink Brother!

Okay, I get no joy from doing this but there are a lot of things wrong with these pages. You jump around too much, not allowing any scenes to develop, leading to a confused reader. Just as I was about to get into a scene, we’d jump to another country.

This also prevents you from establishing any characters. Establishing a main character in the first scene is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT as the audience needs someone to identify with and root for right away. Not a hard and fast rule, but one that 99% of movies go by these days.

Generally, I was just confused. I didn’t know where we were, why we were there, what was going on. I had nobody to root for. These are BASIC THINGS you need for a script work. They’re also things you learn over time, which is what I tried to warn you about. You don’t tend to be aware of this stuff on your first script.

You do have some nicely written lines and paragraphs and some fun action. But that’s not what a script is about. It’s not a writing contest. It’s a STORYTELLING contest. You have to rope us in. Give us someone to root for. Give us a situation (not 8 situations) with an interesting problem/mystery that we want to see solved/answered.

Keep reading a ton of scripts. You have some work ahead of you. But you can do it.

Genre: Comedy
Premise: (from IMDB) A comedy centered around a foul-mouthed, junior high teacher who, after being dumped by her sugar daddy, begins to woo a colleague — a move that pits her against a well-loved teacher.
About: “Bad Teacher” sold as a spec back in 2008, the same year it made the Black List. It was written by the same writers who penned “Year One,” and “Ghostbusters 3” (or at least some draft of Ghostbusters 3). Jake Kasdan (Zero Effect, Orange County) is set to direct, with “I am now an actor” Justin Timberlake playing the male lead alongside his former girlfriend, Cameron Diaz. The movie is filming right now. Eisenberg and Stupnitsky, the writers, also wrote for “The Office.”
Writers: Lee Eisenberg & Gene Stupnitsky
Details: June 6, 2008, spec sale draft (This is an early draft of the script. The situations, characters, and plot may change significantly by the time of the film’s release. This is not a definitive statement about the project, but rather an analysis of this unique draft as it pertains to the craft of screenwriting).

You’ve been very bad Cameron!

I’ll be honest with you, the thought of Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake pairing up for a movie together doesn’t exactly get my old N’Sync juices flowing, but I read Bad Teacher long before these two were attached, and remember it being a lot spicier than your average sweet-potato comedy spec. This new word I keep hearing myself bat around these days is “teeth.” So many scripts I read don’t have teeth. They don’t bite into you. They’re more likely to politely rub against you or nudge you lovingly. But every story needs a little teeth, a little edge to set it apart from the pack. And that’s what I remembered about Bad Teacher. It had teeth.

Elizabeth Halsey is not a good person. In fact, she makes Melvin Udall, from As Good As It Gets, look like the milkman. Elizabeth has one desire and one desire only – to marry a man with money – the American dream for hot lazy women with no skillset everywhere. And Elizabeth has finally achieved that dream, finding a short bald troll-like man with lots of moola and an astute inability to know when he’s being taken advantage of. Or maybe not. Yes, Elizabeth’s dreams come crashing down when she walks in on her future Bilbo Baggins pulling a Jesse James with some gigantically breasted whore. It is such a devastating moment for Elizabeth that she’s barely able to spit out: “You are buying me the biggest pair of yellow diamond earrings they make!” Yeah, Elizabeth is a teensy bit materialistic. And vain. And a bitch. And cruel. But all of those adjectives pale in comparison to what Elizabeth is now: Single. Cue hard rock music!

Back Elizabeth goes into her own personal hell, that goddamned middle school, and boy is she pissed about it. So pissed, in fact, that she takes it out directly on her kids. A class with Elizabeth is like a day when the substitute shows up. If that substitute were a drunk reckless asshole who hated you. But Elizabeth has a plan. In her universe of fucked-up logic, she postulates that the woman who stole her troll fiancé had huge fake breasts. This means, in order to make sure this debacle doesn’t happen again, SHE must get huge fake breasts. The problem is, huge fake breasts cost $9300, and Elizabeth barely makes enough money to pay the rent (those damn teacher salaries). So, somehow, Elizabeth will have to cheat, lie, steal, scam, and deceive her way into getting that money. And nothing is off limits. Not school funds. Not other teachers. If there is money that can be gotten, she will find a way to get it.

Of course, you need to throw your protagonists some curveballs, and a big one arrives in the form of new teacher: Scott. Scott is as honest as Elizabeth is deceitful, and when she finds out that his father owns one of the biggest watch companies in the world…well, it’s game on. Unfortunately, Elizabeth’s rival, the sweet-as-caramel Amy Squirrel, is also vying for Scott’s attention. And since the two were practically chiseled out of the same loving stone, Elizabeth’s chances aren’t good. To make matters worse, Amy has huge natural breasts. The only way for Elizabeth to have a shot (in, once again, her warped little universe) is to transform into the exact opposite of who she is around Scott, and keep him interested just long enough to get those damn D-Cups!

Let’s not beat around the bush here. Bad Teacher is Bad Santa. I mean, it’s the exact same movie, but with a female lead and set in a middle school. I’m not saying that accusingly. I think it’s brilliant. It’s a perfect twist on a movie that worked. And if you thought Billy Bob’s character was funny, there’s something even more hilarious about a woman who will stoop lower than hell itself, who will take out the very kids she’s supposed to be protecting and nurturing, to get what she wants. I mean, the way she despises these children…you feel bad that you’re laughing and yet you can’t help yourself. Elizabeth doesn’t even know any of the kids names. NONE. And while this may seem like an obvious joke, Elizabeth is so authentic and believable that when she says “Hey you,” to a kid she’s known for 3 months, you laugh every time.

The cool thing about “Bad Teacher” is that there’s nothing spectacular about the way it’s constructed. It’s simply about a woman trying to save up enough money to get breast implants. But I realized there was a little more thought that went into this than it first seems. Here you have this appallingly selfish protagonist leaving a path of destruction in pursuit of her goal, and yet you’re still engaged. Conventional wisdom says we shouldn’t be rooting for Elizabeth because she’s “unlikable.” But what I realized was this: Because this character wanted something so badly – and I mean really really wanted it– it didn’t matter that we didn’t like her. What we’re drawn to is whether she’ll achieve this goal. So we’re not necessarily rooting for Elizabeth here, but we do want to find out if she gets what she wants because she cares so much. I know I’ve come across this before, but for whatever reason, it really stuck out in this instance. It was a good lesson to learn. But it’s important to note that it wasn’t the only reason we tolerated this character. This device is aided by Elizabeth being so funny. Had she not been funny, I don’t know if this approach, all by itself, would’ve worked. So I think that’s important to remember. If you are going to use an unlikable protagonist, try adding a couple of devices/traits to soften the blow. Because if someone is so repulsive that you can’t even stand them, I’m not sure there’s anything you can do to make us care about their journey.

So I obviously liked this script a lot. Why did it only get a “worth the read?” Simple. The ending is a complete mess. I don’t know if it’s a holdover from a previous draft or something they put together with the intent of expanding on later on. But it’s like they tried this big climactic ending, and in the process went away from everything they’d been doing up to that point. I’m sure they’ve fixed it by now, cause it’s really glaring, but since I’m critiquing this draft and not the future one, I can’t give this that “impressive” label.

[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius

What I learned: If you’re writing your first or second screenplay, I’m going to give you the best chance at success. Use Bad Teacher as a template for simple dramatic structure. Here’s how you do it: Give your main character a big goal, then give them a bunch of smaller goals they have to achieve in order to reach that big goal. So here the big goal is to get fake breasts. The smaller goals are all the little things Elizabeth has to do to get the money to buy those breasts. This may seem obvious to some of you, but I read so many scripts where the protagonists don’t want anything. They’re just hanging around and talking to different people in different locations with no pursuits or desires whatsoever. If you’re just starting out as a writer, and especially if you write comedies, this simple goal-oriented approach is going to give you the best chance at writing a screenplay that’s good.